Amber Heard Leaking

Amber Heard and her team of Johnny Depp ambulance chasers have been openly sharing details of their divorce proceedings to TMZ. It's unclear how she looks in the mirror and it's a bonafide fact she doesn't give head. Her leveraging of her vagina is becoming so egregious that Depp's lawyers want to fine her $100,000 every time details of the case are leaked.

read more
Amber Heard And Elon Musk Possibly Boning

Amber Heard is reportedly sucking Elon Musk's cock. Musk is a bonafide genius. Any media outlet with financial stake in Tesla will gladly tell you in 3,000 words. He's probably super smart. Yet marketing and super genius rarely go together. People steal the latter's ideas. Hence Tesla didn't have a Campbell's Soup campaign and probably died wearing those weird fingerless gloves.

read more
Amber Heard Blabbing

Amber Heard and her lawyers are reportedly leaking details of her and Johnny Depp's impending divorce settlement. Next time you feel the need to waffle about the gender pay gap, calculate the amount of money dudes are paying to their whore ex-wives. They don't have any children. His name is almost certainly on the deed to the house. Walk away and move on. Everyone likes free shit though.

read more
Amber Heard Beat Her Lady (According to TMZ, Don't Fucking Sue Us Too, Heard)

According to TMZ which will eventually find something on everybody famous in this world, Amber Heard was once arrested for domestic violence against her then lady squeeze, Tasya van Ree, the most lesbian name ever. The two apparently scuffled at the Seattle airport as chicks do and Heard grabbed van Ree and struck her on the arm. That's rather gay.read more

Amber Heard Sues Doug Stanhope

Amber Heard is suing Doug Stanhope for defamation because he wrote an article claiming he witnessed her threatening to lie about Johnny Depp in order to extort money, and also because it's probably true and really pissed her off and she's been able to leverage her lawyers to intimidate people.read more

Amber Heard Champagne Taste Beer Budget

Amber Heard's monthly income is $10,000, yet she spends $44,000 a month on shopping, dining out, vacations, and hiring Industrial Light and Magic to do scratches on her face for court appearances. The 10k doesn't factor in residuals or any film work she might do, but it's all much less lucrative than suing Johnny Depp. Those Magic Mike XXL showings on TNT will not be paying your Nobu tabs into middle age.

read more
Amber Heard More Red Flags

Amber Heard's case is quickly becoming as flimsy as one of her husband's kerchiefs. Two private security guards say they heard Heard scream, "Stop hitting me!" and bolted into the room to find Depp standing twenty feet away from her. They believe it to be a poor attempt at a setup yet she'll most likely claim it was a performance art piece.read more

Amber Heard Laughing All The Way To The Bank

Amber Heard testified in court of the horrors of Johnny Depp's domestic abuse then left with her obvious lesbian box licker with an expression which could only be described as having just pulled a fast one. The best things in life are free.read more

Amber Heard Blackmails Johnny Depp

According to comedian Doug Stanhope who was hanging out at Johnny Depp's house the night of the alleged abuse, the entire facial bruising is a domestic abuse ploy by Amber Heard to dig into Depp's deep pockets. Stanhope notes that Depp's friends knew that Heard was a horrible cunt who manipulated the shit out of their lovelorn drama buddy.

read more
Amber Heard Bruised Face Leaving Court

Just when you thought there was nothing left to the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard out of nowhere divorce filing, along comes Amber Heard with one a bruise on the right side of her face. Heard claims that Depp threw his iPhone at her over this past weekend. It's completely unsubstantiated and Depp's representatives are denying it, but if you close your eyes you can easily imagine Johnny Depp all pissy and throwing his...read more

Johnny Depp Not Down With Spousal Support

Amber Heard is demanding spousal support in her divorce from Johnny Depp which seems ridiculous after being married for a year and should definitely factor into the non-existent gender pay gap. If you count banging an old goth for a year as a job. Some women do. Heard is outspokenly independent and claims to subscribe to the ideals of narcissistic trust fund conservative Ayn Rand:

read more
Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Lasted More Than a Year

Amber Heard filed for divorce from Johnny Depp. They were married for fifteen months. Enough time for nine different celebrity magazine cover stories about their fabulous love affair. Heard cited irreconcilable difference. Most notably she's a thirty year old lesbian and he's a a fifty-two year old who mumbles incoherently.read more

Johnny Depp And Amber Heard Apologize And Shit Around The Web

You'll recall that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard got in trouble down under when they snuck their rat-like dogs into Australia. Today they were forced to make an apology PSA video that is super weird. They look like they are on more drugs than Chateau MarmontBelushi. The Aussies should put the two of them to sleep. (TMZ) Pam Anderson does some TERRIBLE stand-up. (Last Men On Earth) Hottie Nalu Kasmierski is buckass...

read more
Amber Heard's Bisexual Burden

Amber Heard would like people to know it's hard being hot and blonde and bisexual in Hollywood. Also, a loaf of bread might cost sixty-four cents, but she's not committing to that until she gets further information. Heard came out as bisexual in 2010 and ever since has suffered the consequences of seven major motion pictures and a marriage to Johnny Depp. I don't want to have to deny my sexuality in order to be me....

read more
Samantha Hoopes Sells Magic Mike XXL

Going to see Magic Mike doesn't make you gay. Going to see Magic Mike and insisting it'll make your girlfriend happy and you'll get laid, that's gay. The confident heterosexual male never insists. The Marlboro man never had to declare that he liked to end his ride on the range with a smoke and some pussy. Ask David Spade if he's banged over two hundred models and he'll laugh and call it a rumor. Then he'll smell his...read more