Angelina Jolie Child Thirst Originated in Cambodia

Angelina Jolie is in Cambodia filming yet another morose and unpopular film about human tragedy for Netflix. Search under Sad and Suicidal and Asian Genocide next date night on the couch. Famously now the mother of anywhere from nine to fourteen children from all the... read more

Angelina Jolie Digging Menopause

Amongthe benefits of descending into your basement laboratory and jigsawing out your lady parts is early onset menopause. Fuck those big pharma commercials where women are scratching their menopausalhuman shellsinto bloody shreds. Jolie finds it calming. Like a serial... read more

Angelina Jolie Even More Depressing Movies

Every time Angelina Jolie lops off another reproductive organ she celebrates by writing directing and producing a grossly disheartening foreign film. Is she legally not allowed to make depressing art house movies in the U.S.? I couldn't read all the Sony emails. Jolie's... read more

By The Sea Looks Scintillating (VIDEO)

Writer director Angelina Jolie is surpassed in horror only by oncologist clairvoyantAngelina Jolie. I might have that reversed. I could finally finish my Psych 101 paper requirements watching Angelina pre-cog her breasts and uterus out of her body. I see no redeeming... read more

Angelina Jolie Updates the U.N.

Angelina Jolie will take a break from freaking out her kids with her preventative organ removals for matters of international importance. Like when the United Nations Security Council calls her in to solve the Syrian refugee problem. Having a high school dropout with... read more

Angelina Jolie Cuts Out More Shit

Angelina Jolie lopped off both her breasts a couple years ago in order to avoid future cancer predicted as more likely than not by her genetic drill down. Jolieand her vivisected tits were carried on high by throngs of cheering women who don't get similar thrills from... read more

Hot Single Girls Seeking Men And Shit Around The Web

Sometimes I wonder about important shit. Like if seeing hot selfies of single girls helps or hinders the dating process. Just kidding. I don't think about that shit. I just look at their tits and ass and hope they put out after appsat TGIFridays like the rest of you.... read more

Angelina Jolie And Jennifer Aniston Co-Exist

A you stole my man with your slutty vagina accusation lingers on through eternity. At the time, it seemed easy to peg. Jennifer Aniston was vanilla ice cream and Angelina Jolie was hot pussy juice flavored ice cream and stole Brad Pitt because he has a dick and that's... read more

Angelina Jolie Anorexic For The People

Japanese actor Miyavi was grasping at straws to explain how amazing Angelina Jolie is and came up with she didn't eat very much while directing Unbroken out of solidarity for the actors who were playing emaciated prisoners. Or she's just really emaciated playing just... read more

Brad and Angelina Support the Shit Out of Their Tranny Third Grader

Celebrity reporters are fingering themselves with approvalover Brad and Angelina encouraging their grade school daughter Shiloh to live life as a boy named John. According to every gender identity expert found at any British college you've never heard of, indulging your... read more

Angelina Jolie Is a Hack And Shit Around The Web

One of the things revealed in the big Sony email hack was veteran producer Scott Rudin calling Angelina Jolie "a minimally talented, spoiled brat." as he bitched about her plans to star in a $180 million Cleopatra film certain to be a miserable fail. She is a pretty... read more

Angelina Jolie Deemed Pretentious

Angelina Jolie directed a biopicabout an athlete turned WWII prisoner of war that will make your girlfriend cry. She turned in her final cut to Universal, who decided it was painfully slow and and pretentious,An insider who has seen the entire Rocky franchise summed it... read more