Audrina Patridge Pregnant in A Bikini

If you wanted to fuck her first, you're too late. Audrina Patridge has eased effortlessly into the Hollywood standard practiceof insisting people witnessyour gestating fetus and then complaining about all the strange looks you get. "Belly belly belly. The bigger I get... read more

Chrissy Teigen And Audrina Patridge Pregnant Catting

There's this new thing where famous pregnant chicks are dressing sexy. It's spreading rapdily among the reality TV and social media model set. Chrissy Teigen and Audrina Patridge hold in common that fact that tons of men want to fuck them in the backs of conversion vans... read more

Audrina Patridge Was There, Now She's Here

Imagine Audrina's surprise when her handlers told her the Hundred-Acre Woods were just past the curtains only to find herself walking on stage at the KIIS FM Wango Tango show in Los Angeles. Wango Tango is French for your voice makes me cochlea bleed, as every second... read more

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Audrina Patridge In A Bikini

After Audrina Patridge takes her memory milk in the evenings to help her sleep, she never knows exactly where she'll wake up in the morning. It's a fun game that kids who got held back a couple times in kindergarten get to play throughout their lives. In this case, she... read more

Audrina Patridge Looks Lost (That's Her Secret)

Audrina Patridge is dumb as dirt. I think I can say that without being sued. I don't really know her intellectual quotient, but I'd estimate it as being in the range of foam peanut packing. That doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to be loved. Or to have her chest leered at... read more

Audrina Patridge Confesses to Being Fake

Audrina Patridge has decided to come clean on the fact that The Hills was an entirely staged television show. Kristin Cavallari said the exact same thing a month ago, but Audrina decided against thundering up an original idea in the empty fruitbasket doctors implanted... read more

Audrina Patridge In A Bikini In Hawaii

Audrina Patridge looks kind of glum. Like she just discovered the little piggies really were just her toes. I thought we all agreed not to let her see the news or science programs. It's okay, sweetie, go back to thinking about why that giant sucker in the candy store... read more

Audrina Patridge In A Bikini

Audrina Patridge is dumber than a smokestack, but she looks pretty damn amazing in a bikini. In a just world, women like Audrina whose brains are comprised almost entirely of perfume samples might be sweeping a factory floor to pay the rent. But it's not a just world. So... read more

Audrina Patridge Has Nothing On Her Mind

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be dumb. I don't mean like the 'you're an idiot!' comments I often get. Or even my truly mediocre educational achievement level. I mean, really dumb. Like a puppy. Where people wave shiny objects and you chase them kind of... read more

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Audrina Patridge Has One Very Important Thing Going For Her

Audrina Patridge has the mental processing power of bubble wrap, but she's super good looking, which makes that first part irrelevant. Yes, attractive people always succeed and the world is unfair and blah blah blah. Suck it up, ugly people. When people pay attention to... read more

Audrina Patridge Bikinis in a Hula Hoop on a Beach by an Ocean

There are two possible reasons for why Audrina Patridge is doing the hula hoop in a bikini on the beach. One, she is pretty dumb. That's not really so much a reason as it is an explanation for an entire array of inexplicable actions on the part of the former Hills hybrid... read more

Audrina Patridge is in a bikini too

Reality TV star Audrina Patridge looked stunning in a orange bikini as she chilled out on the beach in Mexico today. Those are the photo agencies words, not mine. She's an 8, at best, and if she was any kind of a "star" than I wouldn't have called her "Partridge" for two... read more