Jay-Z Is Only Love In An Elevator From Now On

With sister-in-laws you either want to fondle them or fight them. There’s no in-between. Just a perpetual lust or loathe relationship until you eventually get divorced. read more

The Hurricane Harvey Telethon Is Here, Wheel Out Barbra Streisand

Start with the obligatory, all charity money is good money. It's trite and true and almost prevents you from making fun of Oprah and Barbra Streisand and George Clooney reprising their 9/11: A Tribute to American Heroes and the 2010 Hope for Haiti telethon roles in... read more

Beyoncé Wants You To Buy $300 Picture Book

WikiHow exists. It's free. It's the online version to get a general idea of how to do everything from hide a body to be an adult. Beyoncé exists. She does not believe in WikiHow or the general public's competence. read more

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Beyoncé Looks Like Becky

Prominent leaders of the outrage culture caused enough disturbance for Madame Tussauds to take a wax statue of Beyonce down.    read more

Jay Z Laments His Menage in 4:44 Album

You have to credit Jay Z with providing he and his wife's audience and the broader consumer public exactly what they want. With a straight face, unashamedly, we now own $300 million worth of homes in Bel Air, honey, if you're wondering why we do this. read more

Beyonce Brings Twins Onto the World

There has yet to be a movie made creepier or more terrifying than simply following the Twitter feeds of Beyonce fans. They've got the nickname Beyhive. Cute at twelve. More Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders at thirty-two.  read more

Beyoncé Bare Belly Push Party For Africa

A very pregnant Beyoncé celebrated her upcoming multiple reconstructive surgeries with an African-themed Carter Push Party at her home in Beverly Hills.  read more

Amber Rose Hints at Fucking Jay Z

We've always had stupid people. There was simply never a way to raise a stupid person army until social media arose. You can now wrap yourself in a dummy quilt of daily beefs and perfect comebacks by, for, and between idiots. read more

Beyonce Launches Scholarship For Women

Beyonce has decided to award several college scholarships to women as part of the one year anniversary of her album Lemonade. The scholarships will be in the fields of creative arts, music, literature or African-American studies. This will help insure that the gender pay... read more

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Beyonce Cancels Coachella

Musical genius Beyonce cancelled her performance at Coachella which would have left anyone with a decent head on their shoulders questioning what they paid for. She's apparently too pregnant to perform. read more

Beyonce Musical Genius and the Bitchy Women at Fashion Week on the Last Men on Earth Podcast #77

On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, Matt and I and special guest Jake Dill from 98.7 L.A., radio, consider the economy crushing consequences of a Day Without Immigrants, ponder SI putting their chubby editor into a bikini to claim female empowerment, wonder why the... read more

Carlos Santana Questions Beyonce's Musical Talent

The best part about getting old is saying whatever the fuck you want. Young rebels claim this stance, but they invariably come off looking like angry assholes. It's old coots who frankly don't give a shit anymore who lay claim to divine oracle status. read more