Britney Spears Ass View (VIDEO)

The only thing creepier than having a dude sneak up on a woman at a gym and film her ass crack is for that same woman to order her intern to do the same. The Jason Voorhees eye view is quite becoming a lady.

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Britney Spears in A Bikini (VIDEO)

Britney Spears appeal lies in her Stockholm Syndrome distant stare. Even in her staged backyard bikini videos she looks like she's performing in a female progressive ISIS hostage video with a guy in a head rag stage right holding a sickle. It wouldn't take much to convince her to take grenades into a U.S. mint to strike a blow against the imperialism of the U.S. dollar.read more

Britney Spears Committed to Her Abs

Britney Spears spends half her time dancing to fill her father's coffers. The other half defending her abdominal muscles online. Since dropping fifteen pounds of Shamrock shake from her paunch, Spears has been on a mission to post photos of herself in bare midriff outfits. Screaming 'finish on my flat tummy!' would be more subtle. Since nobody trusts anything posted to social media though still continue to spend hours...

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Britney Spears Super Eligible

Britney Spears stopped using McRibs to form the foundation of her food pyramid and dropped a solid amount of weight. No more split pants on stage. She's still rapidly approaching scary Helga face from Vikings. The tabloids are spinning her as super eligible in between rounds of calling her near death or sad and despondent. She earns tens of millions and still shops at Kmart. That's not a bad basis for a marriage. If...read more

Britney Spears Violates the First Rule of Instagram

Never deny you Photoshopped shit. People don't quite understand the term. Everybody touches up photos before publication. Even middle school girls do this with just what's available to tool around with on their smartphones. Social media editing tools offer tons more. Not a single photo any magazine or reputable online outlet posts isn't at least cropped and filtered or brightened and enhanced. Selfies from famous...read more

Britney Spears Double Penetrated in Concert

Would you want your wife engaging in this kind of performance in public? Try that question with and without the $250,000 a night pay stub. We are labeled content too risky for corporate sponsors. Starbucks and Pepsi don't seem to care Britney's being gang banged by topless gay men on a bucket list adventure. This wouldn't be allowed at the strip club down the road. I demand justice. Where's my hashtag. Oh, my god...

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Britney Spears Dances In Her Underwear (VIDEO)

Britney Spears Vegas show now labels itself a stage production rather than a concert. An admission that Spears' wireless microphone and moving lips are entirely an illusion. Like pretending her male backup dancers are hunky ladykillers. The tracks are all recorded. She can still shoutout to Okinawa and Qatar in between shows. Spears quit the voice lessons and focuses almost entirely on working out. She posted a video...read more

Britney Spear Walks Into a Pole

Britney Spears walked into a pole on New Year's Eve. That explains the bruise on her head, but not why she looks like a Polish cleaning lady who had superior healthcare before perestroika. Have you noticed how the best selfies aren't taken under hospital examination room lights? Spears pointed out the completely believable cause of the injury on social media before rumors began swirling about how she really gotthat...

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Britney Spears Sit Ups Paying Off

Britney Spears has been touting her lean stomach on social media, which means her custodial supervisors will be pushing for bigger splits with the casinos. The alternative to ab pics are cuts where she sings Adele. You need that about as much as you need Adele showing off in a Deion Sanders mesh jersey. Skinny makes Spears the perfect entertainer. She's already got crazy and lip-synching and tits. It's the four...

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Britney Spears Unplugged (VIDEO)

The screaming pumpkin heads who drop big cash to see Britney Spears in Vegas don't care that she's just miming over pre-recorded tracks. The performance is really the moving story of how gay aliens come to earth and try to rob Britney Spears chubby vagina powers for themselves. Yes, there's war brewing on Uranus. In her weekend show,Spears' costume ripped open in the back. She carried on without missing a lip-synched...

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Britney Spears Still Built Like a Brick Shithouse

Britney Spears spent six months onhiatusfrom her Vegas show to work out, make smartnutrition a part of her lifestyle, and attend her boys' soccer games without a bra to remind the neighborsshe once filled the Tokyo Dome. She still looks thick. Maybe it's the settling effect. Or the costumes. Something isn't working.It's possible that Mississippi just sticks something voodoo fierce. She couldbe absorbing fat through a...read more

Britney Spears Squats for the Children

Nobody knows what the Teen Choice Awards are. Nobody cared after Britney Spears showed up and squatted like a Russian grandma taking an alley dump in 1911. You'd have to be a qualified doctor to name all the parts Britney was displaying in her pop-up gynecological diorama. She was subsequently awarded six trophies for being a sex positive role model for girls and smartly distancing herself from Iggy Azalea musically....read more

Britney Spears And Iggy Azalea Pretty Girls (VIDEO)

If there is an actual race to the bottom for inanely worded computer generated pop songs, it's time to hand out the award. Pop music for teen girls never required musically gifted performers. But they had to provide vocals. If that last connection to song production is no longer part of the process, then you can literally plug in anybody. Why the freaky looking albino?You've just savagedmy Britney Spears fap with that...read more

Britney Spears Eats It And Shit Around The Web

Britney Spears took a tumble performing one of her level green moves on stage in Vegas. It's the ankle. They'll probably have to put her down. It was fun while it lasted. Charitable donations in lieu of flowers please. Watch Britney eat it. (TMZ) Courtney Stodden was offered 1 million dollars by Vivid. (The Superficial) Oregon Ducks cheerleaders doing their thing. (COED) Kim Dejesus likes to wear tiny swimsuits. (...read more

Britney Spears Potty Mouth And Shit Around The Web

Britney Spears turned on a heckler at her Vegas show after he called her a "fat bitch". She called the guy a "Fucking asshole".These were either gratuitous empty insults or well reasoned evaluations of character. It's really really close. Watch Brit get all Louisiana on a dude. (TMZ) Amber Heard looks cold. At least her nipples do. (Egotastic) Nerds everywhere are spazzing out over seeing old ass Han Solo in the new...read more