Chrissy Teigen Have Tits Will Travel

Five weeks after giving birth to her sperm dynamically centrifuged daughter, Chrissy Teigen is back to her normal routine of wearing low cut tops, posting rants on Twitter, and pretending she's as pretty as other swimsuit models. Teigen took shit for having evenings out on the town with her husband without their infant daughter. John Legend demanded that if people were going to 'mommy shame' his wife, they shame him as...

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Chrissy Teigen And Audrina Patridge Pregnant Catting

There's this new thing where famous pregnant chicks are dressing sexy. It's spreading rapdily among the reality TV and social media model set. Chrissy Teigen and Audrina Patridge hold in common that fact that tons of men want to fuck them in the backs of conversion vans and nobody knows what they do for a real paycheck. Are you highlighting your gestating belly to honor Gaia or do you want me to finish there? I'm...read more

Chrissy Teigen Revealing Pregnancy

Chrissy Teigen is determined not to let her pregnancy overshadow her other accomplishments such as having nice tits and marrying a well known singer. She slippedinto something revealingfor an Extra interview defending her right to have IVF pre-ordered the gender of her baby. To me it was just another conversation I was having, I didn't realize that it kind of came across like we were the first people to ever do it, to...

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Obama Blesses Chrissy Teigen's Unborn Child

On The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Teigen casually reported that President Obama approved of her baby name. That is sort of a mystery. What the hell is Chrissy Teigen doing on a late night talk show? Oh, right, name dropping the President and her husband. If that didn't work she was going to show America how she can deala hand of Texas Hold 'emout of her vagina. That I'd DVR. Thebaby Legend name will beterrible....

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Chrissy Teigen Genetically Engineers Future Masturbation Material

Chrissy Teigen announced that shechose the gender of her unborn child through a process called superfucking expensive in-vitro fertilization. If the spawn of two celebrities weren'talready winning the genetic lottery, soon they'll be able custom design the child. I saw Gattaca. Ethan Hawke is the ugly one in this scenario. TV commercials that used to feature fat bald guys with model-hot wives will look very different...

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The Tits Of The VMAs

Nothing says pay no attention to the crappy music in the background like taped up, strung up, and largely revealed tits. Stop looking at my cold sores. Have you seen my tits? Last nights VMAs set a new record for tits. Singers showed off their tits. Actresses showed off their tits. Whatever Chrissy Teigen is showed off her tits. Britney Spears tits were so dominant hardly anybody noticed Kuato emerging from her knees....read more

Chrissy Teigen Ass Shot

Chrissy Tiegen posted a photo of her ass which raises some questions. Who is the dude laying next to you and who took this picture? Why is that person wearing dungarees and you're naked save for a bra jammed up your ass? That water looks choppy and I can see the goosebumps on your ass from the hull. Seems like you're forcing it. We could either head down to the cabin and have some hot chocolate or make the captain...

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Chrissy Teigen Needs a New Hobby

Chrissy Teigen is now posting pictures of her husband naked to Instagram. She's categorizing his bare assas a part of her overall attack on Instagram's no chick nudity policy, but it's likely just the only other thing she could think to do with her time beside posting her own naked photos. Teigen scored when she married John Legend and instantly leapt seventeen ranks on the celebrity model charts. Without Legend she...

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Chrissy Teigen Topless Work

Don't believe the hypeon LinkedIn. Your buddy the assistant IT director is just lugging monitors around the office. That chick you met at speed dating is having a work anniversary at a company that sounds suspiciously like her alone in her apartment. Yay, I didn't fire myself. The world needs more personalized hemp greeting cards. Chrissy Teigen however is actually a model. I recommended her for the skills of nude...read more

Chrissy Teigen Topless and Moist

Chrissy Teigen is one of those celebrities who gets a free pass for being famous for no good reason. If you consider being half Asian and having big tits no good reason. I could go either way on that. Even Kate Upton has a few crappy movies on her resume by now. Chrissy did have thegood instinct to marry herfamous boyfriend, one of the John Wooden pyramid building blocks of success. Beyond that, she likes to get...read more

2015 Billboard Music Awards Had to Happen

Ironic Jesus came to me in a dream and told me that if I watched enough music award shows, he'd make something heavy fall on Taylor Swift. A hanging speaker or roof panel or Adele. I relented and watched the Billboard music awards. Kanye was booed by the upper deck and his mom in heaven because he refused to splurge on the platinum lipo package. Mariah Carey was so tightly cinched her head threatened to go Scanners....

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Bill Belichick Spies Some Ass

Bill Belichick was busttedchecking out Chrissy Teigen's ass at the White House Correspondent's Dinner, a yearly gig where the President books future talk show appearances and actors and models feel vindicated for writing me-too political shit on their Twitter feeds. John Legend Tweeted the photo becauseit's not as if there are ever going to be moments of his wife winning science fairs. She has nice ass. That's not...

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Body Shaming Was Better

Since Chrissy Teigen's stretch mark selflie, hordes of other hens have postedphotos of their stretch marksto Instagram. It doesn't take much for chicks these days to self congratulate themselves. Posting pictures of your spent tampon is always an efficient way to stick it to your step father or that TGI Friday's managerwho paid you the same as your male counterparts. I hadn't realized you deserved a pat on the back...

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Chrissy Teigen Accepts Her Imperfections, Why the Fuck Can't You?

The body acceptance bandwagon is leaving the station, ladies. Get on board or accept your role as part of the problem. You don't necessarily want to highlight your every woman flaws until you've made yourself oodles of fame and fortune with a decade of Photoshopped modeling pictures. A marriage to a dude worth $20 million should be in the bag. Then, you are ready to show off some subtle stretch marks on your legs and...

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Chrissy Teigen Topless Because Now It Matters

I can already feel Chris Pine crying over my left shoulder. This is some pretty moving shit. John Legend and his troublemaking model wife with the spectacular yabbos got shot without their respective tops on along Miami Beach. Whoever they hired to wrangle away the crowds in no way stopped at least one paparazzi from shooting the topless shit out of Teigen's bare breasts moist from the ocean blue. Sometimes paparazzi...read more