Cindy Crawford Taunting The Old and Ugly

Crawford's doing it again. Shitting on your ability to manage expectations. Undoing life's hardest lesson: accepting mediocrity. Crawford is fifty years old. She recently posted a picture on Instagram, from some exotic Caribbean locale, of herself in a bikini. She looks fucking amazing. Not amazing for a fifty-year-old. She has abs and shit. Good luck fucking your old, dimpled wife after seeing that. "[My husband]...

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Cindy Crawford and Caitlyn Jenner End Times

There's an Internet meme that Cindy Crawford is aging into Caitlyn Jenner. That seems like a slap in the face to all the craftspeople who worked so tirelessly on building Caitlyn. Two recent high end modeling shots. Who looks more fuckable? Lying to yourself is cheap. Men age more gracefully. Men with brand new tits that much more so. Lighting is super important. Shhh, Caitlyn.Sex is so much more intimate without...

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Cindy Crawford's Underage Daughter

The media is engaging in its favorite pastime again. The one where it manipulates people into feeling something so that it can self-righteously chide those people for behaving exactly how it knew they would. Currently the media is making us want to fuck Cindy Crawford's fourteen-year-old daughter, Kaia Gerber. They're putting her in magazines, dolling her up in makeup, and calling her Crawford's lookalike. Just don't...read more

Cindy Crawford Too Real

The photographer who took this leaked photo of Cindy Crawford claims itwas stolen and then photoshopped to make Crawford look past her prime. Also, he concluded that the cops framed OJ. The photographer'shired a lawyer to send out cease and desist letters to news outlets and the fugly women who use this as their screensaver. Fuck, I'll be getting two. This is a slap in the gut to the chorus of Mercer Island lesbians...

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Cindy Crawford Gets An A For Effort

Thisphotofroma Marie Claire shoot features a completely untouched image of 48 year old Cindy Crawford. It'sgeneratinga chorus of applause from women pretending to champion the imperfection of the natural woman's body.We're now at the pendulum swing where you get credit for taking a bad photo. Blast some floodlights onto those wrinkles, now push your gut outand can we get a close-up on that ingrown hair? Is that...

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Cindy Crawford Selling the Cleanse

There comes a point in the life cycle of every supermodel when you stop selling sex and you start selling wrinkle creams and the gentle means to unclog your lady shitter. Elvis died from having his pipes ballooning with ancient fecal beasts intended for the trash chute. Cindy Crawford will be damned if that's going to happen to a bunch of people with enough disposable income and submissions to blind celebrity...read more

Cindy Crawford's Tits Can Still Sell Watches

I don't know how old Cindy Crawford is exactly and I'm not going to Google it because I'll spend several hours looking at old nude photos of her. I don't have time for that, not right now. She's still the go-to model girl for upscale merchandise. Her name just says classy. Her tits says buy me. I'd purchase an Omega timepiece from inside her coat if she showed me her mole. Photo Credit: Omega [gallery id="4008"]

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Cindy Crawford Should Never Stop Taking Off Her Clothes

You know I love that Cindy Crawford mole. It's back, but it's being tainted by that topless dude in these photos. Why go to the trouble of getting Cindy Crawford rubbing her titties up against a tree then throw some random guy into your photos. I get the female fantasy bit of being out in nature and getting accosted by a swarthy Italian gay male farm hand. But can't we all agree that you only need the one getting paid...

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Cindy Crawford Might Still Be Good Looking

Mexican paparazzi need to buy some better cameras. Whether you're shooting celebrities with one boob hanging out of their robes or corrupt government officials taking cash from drug cartels, you're going to want to invest in a decent long range lens package. I can't even see Cindy Crawford's mole. I can't enjoy myself to Cindy Crawford without that mole. It's like the ignition switch to pleasure town. Photo Credit:...

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Cindy Crawford Still Has It

The 66th Cannes Film Festival kicked off in France yesterday, as some of the world's biggest movie stars and celebrities hit the red carpet for the opening ceremonies. The event began with The Great Gatsby, so stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Carey Mulligan showed up to do their promotion duties, while celebrities from Steven Spielberg and Nicole Kidman to Beyonce's sister and, for some unknown reason, David Hasselhoff got...

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Cindy Crawford was in a bikini

Cindy Crawford, who turns 46 in February, spent Thanksgiving on the beach in Los Cabos with her husband Rande Gerber and their 10 year old daughter Kaia, and to be honest I'm a little disappointed in how she looks in a bikini. I would probably still have sex with her but I wish she was skinnier and had bigger tits. Just to be expressly clear, we're talking about Cindy right now, not Kaia. (source = bauer griffin)...

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the top 100 stories of 2009 (11-50)

50. MADONNAS ARMS - As she approaches the end of her life, it's good to know she'll die as she lived; by creeping me the fuck out. (July 27th) 49. CALL OF DUTY 2 - made 310 million dollars in it's first 24 hours. "The Dark Knight holds every Hollywood speed record, and it took them 10 days to reach 300. So I guess in hindsight that movie was a real piece of shit." (November 12) 48. MEGAN FOX IS BISEXUAL - If Megan...

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being george clooney looks fun

Cindy Crawford and her husband Randy Gerber spent Thanksgiving with George Clooney (48) and his Italian model girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis (31) at Clooneys palatial resort home in Mexico. They lounged around in a hot tub drinking champagne, the girls prancing around in bikinis and warming their golden skin under the gentle sun. When my penis saw all this, he compared it to our Thanksgiving in a small town in...read more

thursday evening headlines

SHARON OSBOURNE - went on Opie and Anthony last week and said Susan Boyle looked like a "slapped ass". Today she apologized, calling Boyle a "lovely gracious woman". But then she added, "like a blue ribbon pig at the state fair", so I'm not sure how this is helping. (facebook) CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 2 - was released Tuesday and in the first 24 hours it made $310 million. ‘The Dark Knight' holds every Hollywood...read more

Sting is naked, isn't he

Sting is kind of a pervert, so there's at least a 50 percent chance he doesn't have anything on under that towel. 75 percent if you go by Randy Gerbers reaction. But Stings wife is pretty hot for 55, so maybe I'd be naked too. If you hadn't done the math yet, Sting joined Cindy Crawford in St. Tropez. This is the yacht they're on, by the way. It's roughly twice the size of the high school I went to. With all the...

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