Dakota Johnson Tight Sports Bra And Shit Around The Web

Dakota Jonhon may be the last woman in Hollywood without fake tits. It's an extremely noble gesture. Sad that she'll never work again after 50 Shades. read more

Dakota Johnson Perfect Girl Next Door

For all ways there are to mock the 50 Shades BDSM book turned bean flicking movie series for lonely hearts, they nailed Dakota Johnson in casting. read more

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Golden Planned Parenthood Pins Snuck Into Oscars

Nothing says rebellious symbolism like wearing a pin so tiny you have to later on direct people to people blown up photos of the pin and explain to them the nature of the rebellion. Emma Stone and a handful of other Oscar attendees living on the bleeding edge of social... read more

BAFTA's Good Practice for the Oscars

The British film awards serve as an annual warmup formovie peopleto bask in hyperbolic adulation and self-importance two weeks before the biggest night of the year foregomasturbation, The Oscars. read more

Fifty Shades Is Back For Your Politically Correct Pornography Needs (Mr. Skin Minute Video)

Here's something to bear in mind in the current zeitgeist. When you do something gross, it's gross. When somebody in a protected class does something gross, it's free expression. That includes pornography. read more

Dakota Johnson Mighty Cleave Show And Shit Around The Web

Dakota Johnson forgot to wear a bra with a titacular dress at the Fifty Shades Darker premiere. Titacular is not a real word, Fifty Shades Darker is not a real movie. There is no end to the world of make believe. read more

Fifty Shades Darker Seems Porny (VIDEO)

Men love porn. Women love shit that is exactly the same as porn but has more socially acceptable names. Like outlet shopping or mocha anything. read more

Dakota Johnson Topless Filming 'Fifty Shades Darker'

Sex with the same partner over and over again is pretty fucking boring. That's why no man conducted himself thusly for the first 99.9% of human history. Monogamy cries out to invent shit like leather straps and ball gags in the place of just finding new and more... read more

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Fifty Shades Turns Ninety Million

I don't ask a lot from my sex movies. I do politely request that the chicks have bigger tits than the dudes, but I'm not a child who believes all pornography was shot just for him. It's about Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson's boyish daughter learning that a woman's... read more

Dakota Johnson in a Bikini

The entire reason for attractive people to get married is to make good looking daughters. All those fights and cheating and acrimonious divorces and hate-filled boozed up evenings are the small sacrifice for making hot girls with minimal wisdom points. Every reasonably... read more

Fifty Shades of Grey Is Almost Wrapped

Even though the film about ass spanking couldn't find an actress with an ass, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about Fifty Shades of Grey. Twenty million suburban housewives simultaneously flicking their beans can't possibly be wrong. Remember when those same ladies started... read more