The Gwyneth Paltrow Guide to Anal Sex

If you've been waiting to stick your dick into somebody's ass until Gwyneth Paltrow told you how, prepare to unleash the beast. Through her website Goop, which helps rich women ease the burden of excessive disposable income, Paltrow's second annual sex issue is upon the... read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Surrounded By Hacks

Gwyneth Paltrow's website Goop appears to have become a common online gathering area for people who nobody likes. When you're never invited to dinner or out for a drink or to otherwise leave your McMansion you gravitate towards buying eighty dollar tubs of skin cream. read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Entering Self Parody Zone

Mocking Gwyneth Paltrow means finding those moments when she's not even trying to be horrible but the bitch leaks out. It's invariably those times when Paltrow struggles to relate to the common woman and flubs. read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Finally Getting It

Gwyneth Paltrow appears to be coming to the realization that people hate her because she's a pompous elitist cunt who sells fifteen thousand dollar dildos. When you come from a family of means and have some social status, people pretend to like you even though they want... read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Shitty Dress for Date with Gay Ambassador

For every man out there who detests Gwyneth Paltrow and her non-reflective bit of self-perfection, there's an extremely well-dressed gay U.S. official out there to take her to swank affairs in Spain. read more

Photoshopped Bikini Gwyneth Paltrow Admits She Used to Be an Asshole

Gwyneth Paltrow conducted an interview and obviously manufactured bikini photoshoot with Samantha Bee for Harper's Bazaar where Paltrow comes clean on everything that means nothing and run through a perfection blender available for sale on Goop. read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Breasts Are Even Nicer Than She Is

Despising Gwyneth Paltrow makes it easy to forget how much her close friends adore her. They cite countless times she ordered them the perfect gift basket when loved ones passed. read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Ditching Goop

Gwyneth Paltrow has started mentioning leaving Goop, her bitchy newsletter turned into a high-revenue bitchy luxury merchandise site. Speaking at the Sage Summit organized by Sage accounting software so annoying celebrities could be gifted big speaking fees to give lesser... read more

Things Not To Do When You're the Most Hated

Reflecting on her previous election by Star magazine voters as the Most Hated Celebrity in Hollywood, Gwyneth Paltrow elected to go with continued disbelief: First of all I was like, 'I'm the most hated celebrity? More than, like, Chris Brown? What did I do? read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Gracious to a Fault

Gwyneth Paltrow is all about the perfect. The perfect lip moisturizer, the perfect vacation retreat in Morocco, the perfect marriage. Until her marriage ended when Gay Beethoven could no longer stand a woman endless commenting on his choice of salad greens and locking... read more

Behold the Gwyneth Paltrow Golden Dildo

When you think of Gwyneth Paltrow, you think of hot unbridled sloppy sex. Or the girlfriend who looks on disapprovingly while you're watching porn of the same. Patlrow's elite shopping site Goop is merchandising sex toys for women who get off paying ten times retail... read more

Gwyneth Paltrow In A Bikini And Shit Around The Web

Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini does nothing for me, though I know some people think she's hot. I think she looks like Big Bird. If you think she's attractive congratulations, you want to fuck a Muppet. I'd rather fuck Ms. Piggy. (Egotastic) Michelle Lewin's booty is a work... read more