Hailey Baldwin Fractured

Hailey Baldwin's metatarsal snaps every reckless evening she spends with Justin Bieber. It's a more virulent strain of chlamydia. Bieber keeps tossing Stephen Baldwin VIP concert tickets to keep him from connecting his daughter's STD stigmata to Leviticus.

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Hailey Baldwin Tit Cupped

Hailey Baldwin had cup therapy on her chest to heal her broken heart from her split with Justin Bieber. Numerous celebrities have taken up the ancient Chinese art of suction cup medicine because buttered coffee was making their urine stink. Sports bra mandatory days are a bitch with tit hickeys. Might I recommend some immunotherapy to go with those fake intelligence glasses? Don't think Jesus forgets the Canadians when...

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Kendall Jenner And Hailey Baldwin Eskimo Sisters

Justin Bieber has tagged both of these women. It's two in an impressive list that will ultimately be in his first set of memories, Just How Many Celebrity Models Can a Rich Midget Fuck? The name is meant to be rhetorical. The answer is thirty-seven. It's horrible when assholes can point to scoreboard whenever you call them assholes. It's their Allspark. Throw up your hands. Famous people don't die of The AIDS anymore....

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Hailey Baldwin in Spandex

It's hard to believe Stephen Baldwin made something worthwhile. The skateboarding for Jesus and the absurdist drunken soliloquies I buy. This chick is pretty majestic. Her familiarity with Greek tragedy and genetics might be slight enough that she is unaware her future lies in rehab, prison, or being domestically assaulted by somebody loosely related to Kenny Loggins. Use House at Pooh Corner in a sentence, bitch. For...

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Kendall Jenner, Hailey Baldwin And Pia Mia Perez in Bikinis in Mexico

Mexico is sending us their rapists. We're sending them our whores. It makes sense if you studied street economics. Kris Jenner dispatched Kendall Jenner along with Hailey Baldwin and Pia Mia Perez down to Mexico to chaperone her barely legal daughter being fucked on the cliffs of Acapulco by her rapper boyfriend and a dudes selling naranjas on the freeway offramps. Juice never tasted as sweet as when it's payment for...

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Hailey Baldwin And Ireland Baldwin Find Their Purpose

Hailey Baldwin and cousin Ireland Baldwin mouth kissed on the red carpet of the Mission Impossible premiere because Ireland Baldwin was just cured of her booze and lesbianism and this was her first real test. You never know how you're treatment will hold in the field until your hot cousin is looking to swap spit. Tom Cruise could only clench his toes and hold back three decades of tear-filled regret. Everyone agreed...

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Josephine Skriver Feels Up Kendall Jenner

Porntube's least viewed FFF threesome briefly broke out at a VIP party in Cannes when Kendall Jenner kissed Hailey Baldwin as Victoria's Secret model Josephine Skriver pushed up Kendall Jenner's tits. It's France, where nothing's gay, just French. This is just three teen chicks going Lord of the Flies but with endless vodka cranberries and haute couture in the stead of lawless primal aggression. None of these girls...

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Coachella Happened, It Will Happen Again

Coachella isn't just about the cutting edge of Madonna and Drake kissing on stage, it's about the people. If you're a ticket buyer who spent their entire last paycheck from the Coffee Bean on a single wristband, you're in with the tens of thousands sweaty masses taking ecstasy and imagining you're a musical vanguard. If you've got a decent publicist, you're in the cordoned off wide open area for the celebrities and...read more

Hailey Baldwin Might Get Left Behind

Remember that time you and your friends all decided school was for losers and you were going to be famous models together and then that happened for a bunch of you but one of you got left behind because you weren't so particularly right for modeling? Stephen Baldwin seems good at those life lesson talks. He used to ride his skateboard in Venice and convince kids that Jesus was better than drugs and he knew because he...

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Hailey Baldwin Seems To Be Making Good Choices

Hailey Baldwin wants to make it very clear she's not fucking Justin Bieber, she's just a friend who spends the night with him in his Little People Big Worldthemed waterbedto support him through his transition from villain to superhero. If this is true, it's even worse. You can't really control whose privates you want to bang. We all have that shame locker filled with embarrassing attractions. But friendships are...

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Braless Young Hollywood to Cure The AIDS

You look amazing. No, you look amazing. We both look amazing. Let's solve The AIDS. It happens just like that. Girls like Kendall Jenner and that Baldwin daughter Justin Bieber is fucking only using two-percent of their brains. What if Morgan Freemen let them use five-percent of their brains. They could cure diseases with their minds. Or answer all those Change.org petitions. At some point crank up the Algernon meds...

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Justin Bieber Begs To Be Roasted

Justin Bieber reached out from his pit of despair and Ferraris to Comedy Central to ask to be roasted on their recurring celebrity takedown specials. Most people agree to go on the roast because it's great publicity and shows you can take lots of dick jokes about yourself. Justin Bieber wants the barbs to prove to the world he's changed. According to every press release put out by his public relations team, he has...

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Justin Bieber Defiling Stephen Baldwin's Daughter

Nothing says your work with the Lord isn't being properly rewarded on Earth as when your eighteen year old daughter is taking the Bieber peen. Maybe Stephen Baldwin takes it as a test of faith. Like when the tax authorities come to your door with handcuffs because Jesus told you render zilch unto Caesar. If I found out that twat was taking my teen daughter on his jet to shmear at altitude I'd find murder in my heart....

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Hailey Baldwin Dances In A Bra (VIDEO)

Hailey Baldwin is best friends with the model formerly known as Kendall Jenner so they let her show off her tits as well for the Love magazine calendar. I don't think it's actually a calendar so much as a series of videos of teenaged girls being spanked or flashing skin or dancing around motel rooms like they are dim-witted and bored. Which couldn't possibly describe Hailey Baldwin. Who cares. She's eighteen now and...

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Hailey Baldwin Enjoys A Lollipop

For most kids, that long wait to eighteen is like chalking the walls in the penitentiary marking the days until release. Out of high school, no more teachers, no more rules, leaving the nest and all that shit. For teen model celebrity offspring it's just wandering the streets of New York in designer wear until the rest of the world can magically treat them as sexual objects. These bored high school dropouts who go to...

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