Heidi Klum Nipples Like Holiday Gum Drops

It's hard to put your finger on precisely how Heidi Klum differs from your typical early Black Friday morning 40-something shoppers. The lack of human carnage around her feet has to be one. read more

Heidi Klum Cloned

Heidi Klum's Halloween costume of five other Heidi Klum rode the fine line of narcissim, then jumped it. Each year Heidi Klum hosts a corporate sponsored Halloween party because she wisely doesn't do shit for free outside of fucking young men. read more

Heidi Klum Mom of Four Tits Impressive

Heidi Klum and Nick Cannon went to the Drake concert together. Heidi wore a dress that showed off her braless tits. Nick Cannon wore a tank top and his grandmother's antebellum black hair wrap. read more

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Heidi Klum Milking The Shit Out of Her New Lingerie Line

There's something truly admirable about Heidi Klum. It's likely her tiny tits. The German balloon parade never came to her town. Heidi Klum rose from the depths of being a hot teenaged chick every dude in Cologne wanted to wurst-bang to an iconic Western star who controls... read more

That Time Heidi Klum's Former Fuck Toy Saved Chris Cornell's Life

Chris Cornell has a crazy chick fan who thinks she's supposed to bear his sacred babies and likes to send threatening letters to his wife and show up to his events. Jessica Robbins had a court ordered ankle bracelet to make sure she never got close to Cornell, but she... read more

Heidi Klum Hosts A Party For Herself

You're never too old to lick a dripping ice cream cone in the manner of a fellatio big finish. The theme of Heidi Klum's Macy's launch party was lingerie and frozen deserts. One of these things was made within ten thousand miles of the store. Only fat sweaty people eat... read more

Heidi Klum Goes Topless And Shit Around The Web

Heidi Klum is past her peak, it's true, but I still like seeing her naked. Maybe it's a nostalgia thing for when I used to wait for the Victoria's Secret catalog to come in the dark days before the Internet. read more

Heidi Klum in A Bikini Tanning at Eden Roc

There may be something to all those celebrities lying about medical issues so they can use surrogates to birth their offspring. Breeding is the beautiful miracle of life, but a motherfucker on your abdominals. You can always spot the mothers of large broods sunning by the... read more

Heidi Klum in A Bikini

There's a smile reserved for women fucking men half their age. This signature achievement is like no other form of VIP designation. Older dudes get into younger women whenever they can. But post-coitus they turnnervously to the sky, like their well might dry up if Zeus... read more

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Heidi Klum Models Her Intimates

Heidi Klum is the perfect weapon. She's tall and slender and blond and speaks flawless English with a European accent. She has a business brain that can calculate the Euro VAT tax to ten decimal places. Her uterus auto adjusts fertility based on the commercial viability... read more

Heidi Klum In Lingerie

Heidi Klum declared she's really comfortable taking her clothes off for photo shoots where she gets to dress like that neighbor mom who lightly plays tennis that you so want to bang. Klum doesn't need the money or attention anymore from this kind of pictorial. She's just... read more

I Think I See Jessica Rabbit's Snatch

Heidi Klum appeared to flash where black German babies from from during her Halloween dress up party. It's not so shocking save for the fact this is the signal to the U-Boats at sea to begin their torpedoing of Carnival cruise line vessels. Fuck the old people and their... read more