Jennifer Garner Slouching Into Single

There's that moment when a woman decides it's time to get her ass up and off to the gym. It's typically not long after her husband fucks the nanny. Jennifer Garner got the rep for mom jeans and loose fitting tops during her homemaking days. Ben always told her how beautiful she looked before he went off thrice a week for bowling overnighters with the guys from the plant. She's only 43. There's time for one more round...

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Ben Affleck And Nanny Disconnect

Ben Affleck is steadily denying he nailed his nanny while she appears to be milking the rumor for all it's worth. Women love attention. Even if it's in the form of dubious claims that you're a home wrecker. People used to take pride in their job. Now they take pride in being fired for doing the one thing they're no supposed to do at their job. It's unclear how long this charade will last. Probably untilOuzounian runs...read more

Affleck's Nanny Loving It (VIDEO)

Christine Ouzounian, the nanny who is letting everybody think she's been fucking Ben Affleck during his split with his wife, let the worldinto her inner sanctum with an Instagram photo of herself being photographed by the paparazzi and asong quote, because this is middle school: She's just a girl and she's on fire' -- Alicia Keys I'm not sure you're technically allowed to declare yourself on fire. It's like giving...read more

Ben Affleck Guilty By Association

It's entirely possible the rumors Ben Affleck was porking the nanny, Christine Ouzounian, are false. In fact there is zero credible evidence to back it up. Except that she's a hot Armenian chick in her late 20's. If that's who you're hiring as a nanny, given all the information we have on what inevitably happens in this scenario, as a husband you deserve to fuck this chick, and as a wife you deserve to be cheated on....read more

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner to Cohabitate

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are divorcing amicably. They intend to remain great friends and even continue to live together to parent their three carefullynamed children. Which sounds an awful lot like being married, with the exception that all that side fucking is no longer cheating. It's rather genius if you can pull it off. Affleck gets models on his dick at night and breakfast with the nuclear family the next...read more

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Divorcing

It's unclear if Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are divorcing because he's an alcoholic and gambling addict and his family owned slaves or because he's a crappy husband. Usually one leads to the other. Few relationships endover a lack of blackjack and cigar smoking. He also might just be moving onto younger ass. The pair have been married for over ten years, which means in Hollywood terms they'll be entombed...read more

Jennifer Garner Resigns (VIDEO)

Ellen DeGeneres committed the ultimate social faux pas by asking Jennifer Garner if she was pregnant, the answer was no. Of course, this is all staged and producers before the show have walked Ellen and Jennifer through this mock revelation so that the exchange appears to be off the cuff. Those mad fucking geniuses. The stage was now set forGarner to excitedly share with everyone she will rock a slight gut from now...

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Ben Affleck Jelly Spine And Shit Around The Web

Kevin Smith revealed that his bromance with vagina-chinned Ben Affleck ended because Jennifer Garner thinks Smith is a foul mouthed fat stoner piece of shit. It's unclear if she had problems with parts of that or all of that. More importantly, this is another tale in the fast growing legend that is pussy-whipped Ben Affleck. Read all about the death of nerd friendship. (Moviepilot) Wanna see Jessica Alba in a bikini...

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Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are a glamorous couple

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner drove their $100,000 Tesla Model S to get 2 dozen donuts from Krispy Kreme in Santa Monica today, and braved the rain to do it, so I assume they were stoned off their ass. That's the only time 24 donuts from Krispy Kreme sounds like a good idea. Not only that, but on her way out, Garner signed a petition to murder Girl Scouts. You heard it here first: Jennifer Garner is a violent drug...

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Ben Affleck is patriotic

Just like they do every year, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner brought their daughters to a 4th of July parade yesterday, and I can't believe it but this one was in Pacific Palisades. It totally looks like a Boston parade. Where you'd hear Dropkick Murphys 'The State Of Massachusetts' at least 10 times, and at one point the guy in the Red Sox cap in front of Ben would lean in and say, "I swear to fahkin Gahd B, if that...

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Jennifer Garner is adorable

Jennifer Garner visited her daughters school in Santa Monica today, and despite the fact that she's an instantly recognizable actress who is married to a very famous actor, when they gave her a sticker to wear as a name tag, she actually wore it (it says "Jennifer Affleck" if you cant tell). And yes I realize that's completely normal behavior and that's the point. In Hollywood that's astounding. Do you really think...

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Tuesday headlines, with Gaga on the Simpsons

LADY GAGA - will play herself on 'The Simpsons', "to cheer up a dejected Lisa through the power of speech, song, and a flash mob." The message being: if you're feeling low, try annoying the hell out of people. (ew) WILL SMITH AND JADA PINKETT - were reportedly broken up, but this morning Wills son Trey tweeted that it wasn't true, and now they've issued a statement saying, "Although we are reluctant to respond to...read more

Ben Affleck is patriotic (and site news!)

Ben Affleck is from Boston of course, which is probably the most patriotic city we have, so of course he took his kids to the 4th of July parade in Brentwood on Monday. What's surprising is that Jennifer Garner went along with him, because she's from West Virginia, and people from West Virginia are communist sympathizers who hate America more than anything. I also heard they steal. Speaking of Boston, that's where...

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Jennifer Garner is beating up Ben Affleck

1. Ben Affleck and Blake Lively were co-stars in 'the Town'. 2. While filming 'the Town', there was a rumor that Affleck was cheating on Jennifer Garner with Blake. 3. In the naked pictures of Blake that leaked this week, she has a temporary star tattoo on her neck, which was there for her character in 'the Town'. Meaning she took the naked pictures, either for herself or someone else, while making the movie. 4....

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stop doing that

Jennifer Garner went to dinner at Madeo in Beverly Hills last night with Jessica Biel. I think. I think that's Jennifer Garner. It might not be. Because this person is acting as if they've never seen a camera before. It's like when they first pulled back the curtain on King Kong. If I were those photographers, I would turn and run as fast as my legs would carry me, because she is gonna grab the first living thing she...

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