Jessica Alba Bikini Perfection And Shit Around The Web

Billion dollar IPOs and all-natural product fraud cases come and go, what lingers in life is your ability to give tons of men raging boners. At least until forty. Jessica Alba knows precisely how to hedge her bets.

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Jessica Alba Planned Pokies

Jessica Alba will do anything to distract from the news stories about her Honest Company's sourcing product through the Axis Chemicals waste cauldron that produced The Joker. If you have to rub ice on your nipples to rescue your IPO, cowboy up and crack open the freezer.

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Jessica Alba Backpedaling With Locally Grown Gluten-Free Cocoa and Tits

Jessica Alba's Honest Company has taken a hit of late from various lawsuits and negative press reports related to producing their all-natural products in the late Union Carbide pesticide factory in Bhopal. A strategic error perhaps but the rents are amazing. Hazmat suits come with each lip balm. Yes, they're supposed to turn purple and fall off in six weeks. It makes your face look sleeker.read more

Jessica Alba Gets Sued A Ton (VIDEO)

Jessica Alba's environmentally friendly organic products company is being sued, again. It's unclear if her Honest Company is the subject of so much legal attention because of Alba's celebrity status, or because they refer to themselves as The Honest Company while producing their all-natural products in a recalled hover board battery disposal plant in Guangdong.read more

Jessica Alba Flirts With Uncle Sam

Jessica Alba invited the U.S. Commerce Secretary to visit her kid care products company where they sell all natural U.S. organic healthy products made in under inspected battery acid storage plants in Guangdong. The Cabinet Secretary showed up because middle aged civil servants love a free meal and a celebrity photo posted to an Instagram account with 7.6 million followers. Alba and her partners are concerned that the...

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Jessica Alba in A Bikini

The upside of being famous is moms across America will buy whatever shit you're hawking because they wished they looked like you in a bikini and could fuck your hunkyhusband. The downside is you'll get sued thrice as often. Jessica Alba's organic diaper and Douglas fir leaf tampon company is being class action sued again because it's laundry detergent maybe contains a chemical that will cause your baby to go fight for...

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Jessica Alba Dirty Honest

Jessica Alba's Honest Company which sells environmentally and body sound products according to their pamphlets took another hit on that honest bit when the Wall Street Journal asserted that the company used the ingredient SLS in their laundry detergents. SLS is a complicated chemical compound used in numerous brand name laundry detergents and also the key ingredient in that vat that turned Jack Napier into the Joker...read more

Jessica Alba IPOing her Szechuan Diapers

Jessica Alba didn't just whine about pay inequality for women who can't act so well, she did something about it. She founded an all-natural, organic, baby-healthy products company which sources its products in the factories in China modestly hosed outin between rounds of generic battery making. The Honest Company is brutally honest in rationalizing why they produce their upscale Westside baby products in or around...

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Jessica Alba in A Bikini

Jessica Alba respects her roots. Not that 1/16th part Cherokee and half a dash of undocumented alienbullshit. That part about her being super rich and famous thanks to her sweltering tits in a bikini. Billion dollar upscale organicdiaper business or not, Alba knows what to do when on vacation and still the best looking chick at the resort. Snap that shit. Share it. Write cute prose like 'thirsty'. Finally aRosetta...

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Sad Looking Halloween Celebs

Halloween is supposed to be the happiest drunkest place on earth. But sometimes being young and beautiful and affording the expensivetampons just isn't enough. Aw, Petunia, you've got yourself a case of the miserables. It was hard not to notice how many chicks looked absolutely miserable at the Casamigos Tequila Halloween Party. Jessica Alba, buck the fuck up, you're a diaper billionaire with perfect tits. Suki...read more

Jessica Alba Scares Her Dummies

Jessica Alba takes occasional break from hawking chemical free diapers and tampons to blast Chernobyl grade gamma radiation at her face to cure her acne. If the tampons do this, there's going to need to be a large disclaimer. Alba posted a photo of herself in the scary looking iron mask device on Instagram, causing numerous members of her below average education level followers to write panicked notes about her fate....read more

Jessica Alba Doesn't Like Being Lumped

In her interview in Allure magazine, Jessica Alba joined the group of female celebrities with thriving merchandising businesses trying not to be lumped into the group of female celebrities with thriving merchandising businesses because that's sexist. Gwyneth Paltrow recently upped the ante and used the term misogynistic to describe how the media lumps she and Alba and Reese Witherspoon and Blake Lively all together...

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Jessica Alba Makes My Wiener Happy And Shit Around The Web

Jessica Alba is still friggin' hot as shit. Sure, she's a crappy actress but I don't go to her movies to see her emote. I go to see her scantily clad. Check her out in a white bikini. (Drunken Stepfather) Jackie Ibarra and Liz Nolan's nip slips are the only reason to watch "Big Brother". (Egotastic All-Stars) Kylie Jenner bikinis in Mexico for her birthday. (TMZ) Kylie Rae Instagrams in her underwear. (Hollywood Tuna)...

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Jessica Alba's Children Doomed

Jessica Alba spent a day with her family which was reported in the tabloids because they show up when you call them. These fuckersarriveat the Saddle Ranch andnobody would notice. That is until their handler harangues the hostess and she googles something on her phone to realize it's that chick from those movies nobody has seen. Alba's children are named Haven and Honor, meaning great things are in store for them once...

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Jessica Alba Storms Paris

Jessica Alba may be the chief executive of a bustling anti-vaxxermommy organic diaper company, but there's always going to be a draw for a chick this hot to show up big events and steal every single fucking camera. You can make a billion dollars pushing soy basedtampons, but it'll never tingle your stranger danger parts like the thrill of being the hottest woman at the party. There's millions of years of instinct...

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