Kelly Brook Saturated

Need to run something by the Jezebel editorial board. Is this British model fat or plus-sized or just her own woman who shall live free of judgement in a Utopian land where no more than half the college coeds shall be sexually assaulted after Econ this evening? read more

Kelly Brook Upskirt At The Ivy

You either get the arm pit rolls or the underwear flash. Both is just spoiled. I'm sorry you moved to Hollywood on a phone call and a promise from Ellen. You're not the first woman. You won't be the last. Let your big breasts and remarkably good British teeth provide you... read more

Kelly Brook Headlines Ping Pong

Even women with big racks have to pay rent. It's the great equalizer. Not every Ellen lesbian lifestyle normalization sitcom sticks. That's how you find yourself in a low cut tight dress at a Chinese food restaurant opening. That or that cheap bastard Tiger Woods offered... read more

Kelly Brook Banging Her Trainer

Somehow the Ellen produced sit-com about happy go lucky lesbian cliches got canceled. No matter. She didn't need the money and the bodies of those who let her down are now buried in her backyard as a reminder to Portia not to run. This left Kelly Brook jobless after just... read more

Kelly Brook Sunbathing

I like this English chick. She got stuck in Ellen's uninspired lesbian sitcom but she's going to turn that into something big, like a real estate mogul husband or a fat lawsuit against Ellen for being her boss and asking her how many of her toes she guesstimates would... read more

Kelly Brook Glistens

It's easy to ride magazines for Photoshopping the shit out of images until they all look cartoonish. It's more difficult to admit the touchups make masturbating that much easier. Kelly Brook now has lean muscle mass and tits that shine like the Lombardi trophy polished... read more

Kelly Brook Needs a Better Show

Ellen's produced sitcom about a super hot blond lesbian chick making a baby with her supportive straight guy friend isn't doing well with critics outside of those in Hollywood who fear for their working lives. You talk shit about Ellen in the Thirty Mile Zone, you might... read more

Kelly Brook Prepping for Ellen's Lez-Com

Kelly Brook got kind of fat there for a while. Even the people who routinely call women curvy were feeling uncomfortable with their made up word. The TV camera adds ten pounds. Which means you need to be at least forty pounds underweight going in to visually obtain... read more

Lesbians Are the New Lesbians

Ellen Degeneres produced a TV show and picked the random category of lesbian as the subject matter. It's Elisha Cuthbert as a hot stacked lesbian the way lesbians dream lesbians look but only really exist to be married to crazy rich lesbians like Ellen. Everybody else... read more

Kelly Brook Understands Halloween, Heidi Klum Doesn't

I find the adult subversion of Halloween to be one of the lamer modern social conventions. There's a bunch of fun stuff we cast off as we grow up like our tinker toys and Happy Meals and the naive belief that athletes and political leaders aren't beating their women and... read more

The Kelly Brook 2015 Calendar Is a Good Time Keeper

There's a time and a place for artificially enhancing a woman's looks by way of illegally downloaded software. If you're still buying wall calendars with pictures of hot chicks with big tits, you're the time and place. There's a difference between Kris Jenner having a... read more

Kelly Brook Strikes Me as Jaunty

I'm pretty sure Kelly Brook's knockers are ripening with the season. Maybe she's pregnant with ideas. She could also just be getting chunky. British women allow themselves that wretched fate after a breakup. In stark contrast to American celebrities who shove cotton... read more