Lady Gaga Back on the Market

Taylor Kinney and Lady Gaga broke off their engagement after Kinney realized how much he looked like Leonardo DiCaprio and noticed how his girlfriend didn't look like Leo's did. The couple had been together for five years. That's a lot of time to spend with a chick constantly trailed by troubled trannies and junior college cutters.

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Photoshopped Elton John and Lady Gaga Are Selling Athleisure Wear

Elton John and Lady Gaga are teaming up to teach the world about compassion and bravery through the sale stretch pants and casual tops at Macy's. Anchor stores at the mall are the new ground zero for cultural progress. Also for pretending that cheese on a stick isn't going to kill you faster than the Muslim kid down the block who can't get laid.

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Biden Sexual Assault Speech at the Oscars Should Be Thrilling

Vice President Joe Biden will introduce Lady Gaga at the Oscars Sunday Night with a speech about college campus sexual assaults. Presumably he's against. More importantly, traffic in L.A. isn't shitty enough during Oscars weekend. We could use a V.P. motorcade and additional street closures. According to the White House, approximately 99.9% of all women on college campuses will be raped at least thrice, just during...read more

Lady Gaga Is Your American Horror Story

We live in interesting convoluted moral times. Why is Lady Gaga wearing pasties on my TV set? I want porn. And I want decent Christian programming. Why can I only get the shit in between. Basic cable can show you a morosely pale hobgoblin simulating sex without her clothes on, but you can't see nipples or utter the word pussy. What trebly foul concoction is this? How will kids know where babies come from? The West is...read more

Lady Gaga Has a Horrible Secret

Lady Gaga showed up on the set of American Horror Story when the last honest person she knew said there was a perfect gig for someone who looked liked her. All those millions and she's still hustling. You don't have to have a creepy appearance to fit into the show, it just puts you to the front of the line. If you flash your tits, you're already being written into a second season. There's a good chance you're...

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Lady Gaga Needs To Stop And Shit Around The Web

Lady Gagawas out once again wearing something that would be super fucking hot on an attractive woman. I don't buy muscleshirts meant for guys who can bench 400 or shoes that fit Dwight Howard. Because people would laugh at my failed aspirations. If I had $200 million in the bank, they would laugh less. That might be Lady Gaga's secret. Look at her body if you dare. (Egotastic) Jimmy Fallon almost lost his finger. Then...

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Lady Gaga Tits Both Offend and Heal

Britain was aghast after Lady Gaga received Prince Harryfollowinga charity show in London wearing nothing but her see-through stage costume. Also present in the meeting were Elton John and Tony Bennett, both of whom seemed oblivious to Gaga's tits. Prince Harry took the whole moment in stride as a man does after he's witnessed the murder of numerous Vegas hookers who just couldn't keep their mouths shut. Gaga took to...

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Lady Gaga and Yale to Help Teens Emote

Lady Gaga got wicked fucking high and decided that healthy emotional expression in the high school classroom would be her new grail quest. Gaga is teaming up with Yale University where her music is still played by many in the theater department to survey high school students over their emotional experiences in school and how it can be improved. Once you give up on reading and writing and arithmetic, there's a shitload...

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Lady Gaga Starts The New Year By Photoshopping Herself a New Body

2014 was the year of Lady Gaga pretending she didn't give a rat's ass she was getting chunky. 2015 is the year she takes it all back with Bikram yoga and Photoshop. She posted a photo to Instagram touting her body overhaul. It's possible floors and mirrors in the background warp themselves. It's also possible Lady Gaga really is digging deep to impress her automaton army of cutters who last year she told she body...

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Dr. Luke Sues Lawyer Who Is Suing Him

Last week Lady Gaga went on Howard Stern, quickly ran out of amusing anecdotes and turned the conversation an an anonymous man in the music business who raped her when she was nineteen and just starting out. Mark Geragos is an attorney whorepresents celebrities of many ilk, whether they are claiming to have been raped or are factually documented rapists themselves, whichever proves to be more lucrative. In this...read more

Lady Gaga Tells Howard Stern She Was Raped

Howard Stern doesn't seem like the radio show where you confess to beng raped by a record producer as a young music artist. Almost all young music artists have been raped by record producers, but most don't come out with it in front of Baba Booey. The music industry is littered with humorless outcasts who polite society has left behind. The ones with music talent start rock bands the ones without talent work the...

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Now We're Even, France

When we talk shit about Europe, we're really talking about France. The snide surrender monkeys who embody every snotty asshole in every 80's John Hughes movie. If I could build a giant fist, I'd punch them all in their collective black turtlenecks. Barring that, we sent them Lady Gaga. She's been moping around Paris the past several days like the chick so disillusioned with existence she quit the Goth club at school...

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Lady Gaga Inks Mother Monster

Lady Gaga got another ode to her monster fan meme tattooed near her tits so that men would reflexively be forced to see it. The singer only inks the left hemisphere of her frame, saving the right side for self-injuring cigarette burns and future organ donor markups. This whole Mother Monster and Little Monster online relationship could easily have gone off the rails into suicide cultish tangents but the poor physical...

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Lady Gaga and Her Dog Are Twinsies, I'd Probably Fuck the Dog

Lady Gaga decided to dress up in matching pants-free outfits with her French bulldog so that late night comedians could think of several dozen jokes they won't be allowed to put on air. Gaga has been receiving attention for her jazzy duet album with Tony Bennett who will now have to go to his grave knowing he recorded one album too many. According to people who love Lady Gaga, she's reinvented herself yet another...read more