68th Annual Cannes Red Carpet

Cannes started again. Nobody can seem to stop it. Cannes is the annual film event in the South of France where European people you don't know but are quite certain you would hate mix with Americans you know you hate to celebrate movies you will never watch. Roman Polanski will merge with Sean Penn and form a mega-roid-child-raping self satisfied beast that accepts the French adulation, followed shortly by their terms...

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Natalie Portman Seems Grounded

Things I learned from the Hollywood Reporter's gushinginterview with Natalie Portman: she's insufferable. Bruce Jenner inquiring if he couldhave the clit off the woman he killed in the Lexus came off asmore humble. Portman has a ton of views on a ton of things all of which seem to be based on her desire to seem pretentious. She hates the right wing prime minister in Israel. She's not super comfortable with the...

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Nobody Likes Natalie Portman And Shit Around The Web

Natalie Portman's favorite whine is how Star Wars ruined her life. It seems that after she gave a shitty stiltedperformance in those steaming turd prequels no one wanted to work with her. Now she can only cry into her fat Lucas paycheck and residuals. Read all about poor Oscar winner Natalie Portman. (Dlisted) Wait, Joe Cocker wasn't already dead? (TMZ) Olivia Wilde in a bikini makes my peepee happy. (Huffington Post)...

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Chris Hemsworth's Wife Is On the Jealous Side

I don't know why this story bothers me so much. I think it's the sadness sweeping over me knowing that even successful Hollywood actors who could nail any woman end up married to a woman who vagina lashes all the fun out of them. That's metaphysical angst or something. Natalie Portman was passing around a cutesy tidbit last week about how her steamy porn kissing scene with Chris Hemsworth in Thor 2: We've Run Out of...

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Natalie Portman Could Use a Decent Meal

Natalie Portman used to be the shit. The bomb. The little Jewish girl who could. I'm not sure what happened to her. She married a gay ballet dancer and they somehow produced a child and then she disappeared after what appears like many months of hardcore fasting. No woman should ever have bony cheeks. It's a sign that they hate food. And women who hate food also hate men. I paint with a very broad brush. Still, just...

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Natalie Portman is attractive

Natalie Portman is in Austin today filming a movie with director Terrence Malick, who everyone says is so great, but I thought of looking down her shirt and dressing her up as a slutty country girl way before he did. I had that idea, like, 5 years ago. I even photoshoped her head onto other girls bodies, and those girls were naked because they were having anal sex. This dude needs to step up his game. (image source =...

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Natalie Portman got married

Whereas Lindsay Lohan claims she can't even breath without hundreds of paparazzi stalking her, much bigger star Natalie Portman got married this weekend and no one knew a thing about it. Six months after very quietly debuting wedding bands at the 2012 Oscars, Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied exchanged marital vows in a Jewish ceremony at a private home near Big Sur, Calif., Us magazine can exclusively confirm....

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Natlaie Portman got married

Natalie Portman hasn't said anything official yet, but a jeweler told People magazine that she designed wedding rings for Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepid, rings they appeared to be wearing Sunday night at the Oscars. Wolf created two diamond rings for Portman, made to fit on either side of her engagement ring, and a platinum band for Millepied. As you can see, Millepied was wearing the band (which wasn't there ...

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Natalie Portman is on a stamp

It's been a big day for PETA apparently, because they also announced a new series of US Postal stamps that have pictures of famous vegetarians on them, including Pam Anderson, Bryan Adams, and Da Vinci. If only DaVinci were alive today so he could feel the pride of being likened to Pam Anderson and Bryan Adams. [gallery id="7291"]

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Natalie Portman gave birth

Wait, was she pregnant? Because you could barely even tell. The actress and fiancé Benjamin Millepied have welcomed a son, PEOPLE has exclusively learned. Portman, 30, met choreographer Millepied on the set of Black Swan, for which she later won an Oscar for Best Actress. And that's basically the entire article. As you can tell, details are scarce right now. But, whatever, I'm just glad this is over. Pregnant women...

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Monday morning headlines

SUPERMAN - will face off against General Zod in the reboot, to be played by the excellent Michael Shannon. So, brace yourself, but Lindsay was lying to make it seem as if she was in demand. Although really I think she should be the one playing Lois Lane. And Zod. And Superman. She's that good. (thr) YOUR HIGHNESS - bombed at the box office this weekend, making just $9.5 million and opening at number 6 despite starring...

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did Natalie Portman do her own dancing in 'Black Swan'?

Natalie Portman won an Academy Award for her work as a ballet dancer in Black Swan, but some are saying she was a little too good, that there's no way she could perfect moves in months that real dancers can't do in years. Her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who was also the choreographer for the movie, says that's 15 percent nonsense. "It was so believable, it was fantastic, that beautiful movement quality," he told the ...

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afternoon headlines

JAMES FRANCO AND KATE HUDSON - might star in a biopic about 70's porn star Linda Lovelace, which would hurt the never-real-anyway biopic staring Lindsay Lohan. Though to be honest, I'd rather see Lindsay in it, especially over Kate Hudson. This is about the making of Deep Throat, not You've Got Mail. (the sun) THE FANTASTIC FOUR - is down to 3, because the comic has killed off...... the Human Torch. Wow, really? Why...

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Natalie Portman at the Golden Globes

Natalie Portman is pretty and a good actress (and last night she won best actress at the Golden Globes for Black Swan), but she still looked ridiculous in the stupid outfit she wore. That dress + sleeves + a ruffled collar + bowling pins = French clown. Oohhh, how sexy. (image source = getty) [gallery ids="720821,720822,720831,720841,720842,720852,720862,720872"]

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Natalie Portman is a good model

Natalie Portman is pregnant and engaged, but luckily there will be pictures like this ad for Miss Dior Cherie perfume (uhq copy here) to preserve her hotness forever and remind us how great she was before that stupid kid came and wrecked everything. I know this kid is -6 months old right now, but I want that little bastard to know that he's already made at least one mortal enemy.

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