Stella Maxwell Thong Cheeks

CBS ran a Victoria's Secret Swimsuit Special for their audience demo that hasn't purchased a bikini since they tried to get the one just like Ursula Andress wore in Dr. No. The Swimsuit Special is a companion piece to the Lingerie Special each December where the models come out covered in massive feathery costumes because that's how bedroom lingerie looks on network television. Backstage Bieber fingers all the models...

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Sara Sampaio Early Valentine's Lingerie

Foreign women wear orantelingerie better. It's a matter of presumption that American women prefer comfortable boxers marketed to them as 'your best boyfriend shorts' by any number of retail outlets that assume American are alone eating ice cream most nights and need a lot of pretend. Dildo sales are up 723% in the past two decades, make of that what you will. It's a wonder we're still reproducing. Your Portuguese...

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Victoria's Secret Has An Annoucement

When Victoria's Secret declared they were making a big announcement, three thousand ragamuffins rose from their rickety seats in Myanmar, stood on their sewing tables, and collectively cheered, 'We are free!'. Then Victoria's Secret came out with the news they had a new team of Angels and the kids in Myanmar quickly took their seats to the sting of the electric shocks in their ani that keep them working at a more

Sara Sampaio Sells El Diablo (VIDEO)

This chick is Portuguese which makes her the perfect model to be leading a fast food restaurant push into Mexican themed burgers. The Thickburger El Diablo has raw jalapeños, deep-fried jalapenos, and a slathering of groundwater scum collected from an alley behind an Ixtapa area Futbol Club. It's authentic. Your colon will bleed in both directions. Apparently it's all the rage among hot chicks in ice hotels frequented...

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Sara Sampaio and Romee Strijd Ass Check

Of all the calls to action at last night's Oscars, Iñárritu's speech about respecting immigrants touched me somewhere in my moral center. I've decided to start with these two foreign models. They seem like hard workers and solid additions to the multicultural pie. Not all undocumented visitors to this country are tuberculosis carrying unskilled workers stealing blue collar jobs from Americans. Some are young foreign...

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Victoria's Secret Models Sell Better Without Lingerie

As much as it will cost a small Asian village a week of textile wages, a few child starvations are the price of seeing a bunch of Victoria's Secret models without their lingerie. Underwear is but a contrivance of a polite society. An artificial waste of time that I would insist only apply to the male population were I the handsomest President ever. Jesus weeps when nice tits are covered. I'm pretty sure that's more

Sara Sampaio Models Lingerie

This chick is the hottest thing to come out of Portugal since, fuck, I can't name anything else. There's a sausage I think that's Portuguese at my local brat place. It's pretty damn tasty. But it's a distant second to this supermodel. Maybe the Portuguese will do something big again like they did in the 16th century and knock Sara in her underwear down to second place. Cure cancer or invent an electric car that isn't...

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Sara Sampaio Models Lingerie For 2014 Victoria's Secret

Photo Credit: Victoria's Secret [gallery id="3959"]

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Sara Sampaio Is My New Favorite Portuguese Person

It used to be Vasco da Gama, because I love pepper and it's bullshit that before da Gama, you couldn't get cracked black pepper on your salad at fancy restaurants. But now I'm going with Sara Sampaio because her tits look like perfect globes and she didn't give syphilis to 80% of the world like da Gama. I've worked on photo shoots before and there's always that awkward moment when you have to ask the model if maybe...

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Sara Sampaio Poses In A Bikini For A Photoshoot In Miami

Photo Credit: [gallery ids="1605452,1605462,1605472,1605482,1605492,1605502,1605512,1605522,1605532,1605542,1605552"]

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Sara Sampaio Is Extremely Good Looking

I've never met a girl from Portugal who wasn't hot. I've met three. They've all been out of my league, by several leagues. Put Sara Sampaio in that category. I feel like she's perhaps one of the best looking women in the world. But I feel that way about many women and I say it to any woman I think might sleep with me. Still, being a Victoria's Secret model is some distinguishing mark on your resume. It's something you...

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