Scarlett Johansson Battling for Custody

Scarlett Johansson made it clear she will be providing zero public commentary to her ongoing divorce and child custody proceedings with husband, Romain Dauriac. She's asked that the media follow suit for the sake of her two year old. The media responded by unanimously... read more

Scarlett Johansson Still Not Quite Apologizing

Now that she's split from yet anothergay husband, Scarlett Johansson hastime for course correcting the racial and gender thinking of the lesser evolved world. There's a time for lecturing and there's a time for apologizing. Any decent moralist is a dual threat. read more

Scarlett Johansson Working Mom

It's cool to be compassionate, but don't tell Holocaust survivors you understand their plight because you once manned a pizza oven. People don't like it when you hang out with them so you can put it on your resume. read more

A Day Without a Woman

Organizers of the Women's March are scheduling a one-day general strike for the women of this nation. It's unclear how many womenwillparticipate, but one-percent of the gender would be spoke of in spin class circles for generations to come. read more

Scarlett Johansson 'Ghost In The Shell' Whitewash

People who don't want their failed run of unintelligent politically correct epitaphs to end merely because the election is over are now criticizng the casting of Scarlet Johansson in the lead role of naked chick in the Japanese classic Manga, Ghost in the Shell. read more

Black Widow Laments More Women Don't Have Amazing Box Office Breasts

Scarlett Johansson was named to a largely bogus list of top box office grossing stars in Hollywood, the only woman in the Top 10. The Box Office Mojo list is based upon the ticket take of all the movies you've appeared in, not necessarily starred in, so it's mostly bad... read more

Scarlett Johansson Highest Grossing Actress Ever

Scarlett Johansson just cracked the Top 10 of all time highest grossing actors and feminists everywhere are ignoring this in order to dedicate more time to making cartoon characters scissor. The list is a bit misleading because it doesn't adjust for inflation or how many... read more

Scarlett Johansson Robot DTF

Engineer Ricky Ma has createda functioning robot that looks a shit ton like Scarlett Johansson. It's unclear if the robot has any utilitarian purpose or if Ma is just showing off the fact that he's Asian. If you can't imagine why a lonely servo motor nerd would build a... read more

Mr. Scarlett Disappoints

Scarlett Johansson moved on from Ryan Reynolds to marry a Ryan Reynolds doppelgänger scrubbed through a European metrosexual sieve.Upon their wedding, her husbandRomain Dauriactattooed the phrase 'Lost Illusion' on his body. Imagine his answer to what the means in a... read more

Scarlett Johansson Perfect Greek Body

Taking a respite from their obsession with all things cock, the ancient Greeks invented what they referred to as the golden ratio of the female body based on tit to waist to hip measurements. It's like the old 36-24-26 bit but with real math that makes it less fun. A... read more

Scarlett Johansson Looks Happy to Be Pregnant

If Scarlett Johansson were my Jewish daughter, I'd sit her down and tell her after reportedly banging Benicio Del Toro in an elevator, failing to be married to Ryan Reynolds, and doinking Sean Penn, it's time to find a nice accountant her own age and settle down. That's... read more

Scarlett Johansson Is Savvy

Scarlett Johansson is pretty smart. She managed to carefully navigate a response to being called out in Dylan Farrow's 'I Got Fondled And Nobody Gives a Shit' letter as one of the actors who should be ashamed to be working with Woody Allen. Scarlett called upon a... read more