Selena Gomez on 5-Star Lockdown

If the empty chairs in pastoral retreat settings tell you anything, it's mental health facility. Hotel and vacation promotional photos always show couples holding hands. Rehab centers empty chairs. Somebody needs to work on the iconography. No reason to rub in the feeling... read more

Selena Gomez Way Out Of The Lupus

You can't really take a disease like lupus seriously, because it's called lupus. If it was actually that bad its name would strike fear into your heart like AIDS or SARS or Dwight Howard. Selena Gomez has lupus. Again, you can't really take anyone seriously who's had... read more

Selena Gomez Braless Cleavage And Shit Around The Web

Selena Gomez shows off some awesome braless cleavage. She may only look twelve, but she's completely legally, so consider this your lucky day, weird Uncle Jeb. read more

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Selena Gomez Goes Deep (VIDEO)

Selena Gomez has something on her mind. It's been stewing while she put words to her thoughts. It's like watching Russians try to karaoke Blinded by the Light. Gomez welled up with tears in Jakarta as she spoke to kindness and the human condition on stage. Her fans... read more

If the 4th of July Means Anything, It Means Tits and Shit Around the Web

There's not a single sacred American holiday that can't be translated into a reason for hot chicks to show off their tits in undersized bikinis. This either makes us the greatest nation on the planet, or the worst. I know how the Indonesians would vote. read more

Selena Gomez in A Bikini

When resources run tight in the future because we subsidized far too many Mayan art and gender studies college educations, we can use social media follows lists as a smart means of culling the herd. Selena Gomez just passed Kim Kardashian, Taylor Swift, and Rihanna for... read more

Selena Gomez in A Bikini for GQ

Selena Gomez has decided she no longer cares what people think about her. Like a drunk or an asshole or a drunken asshole. Gomez claims she's had to live her life since being a child actress with people constantly chiming in with their opinions. Sort of like if you had... read more

Selena Gomez Seduced by Swift

The role Taylor Swift plays in the life of her all-female friends is to convince them to dump their loser boyfriends. According to HollywoodLife which takes quotes from publicists and frames them as exclusive insider stories, Swift wants Selena Gomez to excommunicate... read more

Selena Gomez Grabbed and Kissed at London Train Station

You had one job, security. Keep a dude with facial piercings from assaulting America's sweetheart. There are no guns in Britain because Marquess of Queensberry rules demand that blokes battle by way of jabs to the scapula. But they did invent the billy club to beat the... read more

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Selena Gomez Babe In Paris

Selena Gomez looks like she got drunk with her middle school friends and stole her mom's clothes for dress up. If her mom worked the hustle in Topeka. I pictured what her tits look like then instinctively reported myself to the police. I was the nineteenth caller with... read more

2016 Grammy Awards the 49th Best Grammy Awards Ever

Grammy's music is akin to grabbing the iPod of a random teen girl chewing bubble gum and pressing shuffle play. You throw in a desperate attempt to feature every single black person in the recording industry into the mix and you have crappy Seacrest radio play music... read more

Gigi Hadid Underboob For Love Magazine

Gigi Hadid is the Hadid sister who doesn't have celebrity lyme disease. She's carrying zika. Maybe ebola. Something topical that's absolutely not herpes from the not-gay one in One Direction. Her underboobs look exactly like the underboobs of her sister two days ago. You... read more