I Wonder Who Won Wimbledon Again?

If you had money against the chick who has sixty percent more muscle mass than her closest competitor, don't bother searching for your ticket. Being the physically biggest, strongest, and fastest doesn't necessarily get you ahead in life, though in sports in turns out to be a sizable advantage.read more

The Nike Wimbledon Dress Gets Re-Stitched

Wimbledon seems important in those moments you forget it's a British tennis tournament. Cute. Nobody from Latvia is buying tickets now that you left them paying for Greece's unfunded DMV worker pensions. Nike designed a tennis dress for their sponsored athletes based largely on 1980's Hamptons hooker wear.read more

Serena Williams Dominates

Serena Williams has dominated the French Open with her tennis skill of being five times bigger and stronger than her nearest competitor. An offensive lineman who can bench press two thousand pounds would be tough to get past. Why do the nose tackles keep ending up in the stands?read more

Serena Williams Grows Stronger

I've never said shit about Serena Williams. Look at those fucking muscles.I want off the kill list. Williams is going bare midriff now to show you what 34 inches round of pure abdominal muscle looks like on a lady. Djokovic wants more tournament money for men's tennis players simply because they earn far more revenue for the sport than the women. How's that Brink's truck feel on your sternum, Novak? Don't let the...

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Maria Sharapova Tests Positive

Tennis star and mail-order-bride-look-alike Maria Sharapova has tested positive for meldonium, a substance banned by the World Anti-Doping Agency, the people who made sports less exciting. Uglier tennis players notshowered with endorsement deals have orgasmed over the opportunity to self-righteously blast Sharapova. Or they would have orgasmed if the female orgasm weren't a myth propagated by the liberal media....

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Serena Williams Fudged

Serena Williams went on Facebook to humble bragthata thug stole her cellphone at a restaurant and she went mad dog through the establishment, took him down, and pummeled him into the cement. She posted an old picture of herself in a Supergirl costume and referred to the moment as her superhero persona taking over. I guess she ran out of space for a shout out to a regimen of undetectable yak testosterone. Not thinking...

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Rowling Spots for Serena

Here's a new pastime for nitwits. Cherry-pickanegative comment on Twitter, crafta response, then wait for the SEO title specialist at Yahoo or HuffPo or EW to label it once more,'The Perfect Comeback'. How old do you have to be to remember real journalism? J.K. Rowling was watching Wimbledon because she's run out of things to do when not teasing nerds about cookie cutting outmore Harry Potter books. What? This time...

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Serena Williams Muscle Mass Shamed

If you're looking for the definition of numb nuts reporting, look to journalists using selectiveTwitter posts in lieu of research. Everytime Serena Williams wins another title, some social media trolls will inevitably drop banana eating gorilla n-bombs on Twitter because even retards need a hobby. Confusing outlier ignoramuses with legitimate criticism is where reporters with important feelingslose their credibility....

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Serena Williams Seems Unstoppable

Serena Williams launched her own 5K charity run in Miami over the weekend. The event was considered a huge success even though nobody showed up except for the team of scientists the government pays to study Serena's powerful haunches for military application. The race raised money for a gun violence charity in Florida which seeks to reduce gun violence in the state and replace it with more senior citizen phishing...

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Serena Williams Models Lingerie

Apparently, there's a line of women's underwear made specifically for the ladies who can squat six plates. When my J.J. Watt framed princess undresses for me, I want to see a little sexy bit of commercial construction Spanex and carbon fiber joisted together to keep her delicate features from rupturing her seams. Beating off to Serena Williams doesn't make you gay. God made you gay. Photo Credit: Berlei Lingerie...

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Serena Williams Is Raw Power

I'm pretty sure Serena Williams won the U.S. Open. Not watching tennis is like losing ten pounds, it makes your dick an inch bigger. Serena can military press the combined weight of the next twenty ATP ranked players, so you can just assume she took victory by merit or by stomping her potential opponents to death beneath her sized 22 Adamantium infused tarsals. The team that builds the superstructure container around...

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Serena and Venus Williams Are Spatting

Spotty Page Six evidence suggests Venus Williams is angry with Serena because she has been partying and has friends. They have not been seen together in weeks, neither has mentioned one another on social media, and Serena has regularly skipped their traditional morning rock smashing sessions. Serena has also missed some press appearances because she was hung over after having one Mojito and also sprinting around in...

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Serena Williams Might Be Doing Curls

I was cool pretending Serena Williams was merely the big-boned sister. Maybe even the unusually strong girl in the Romanian circus. But this power of Greyskull muscle mass is getting out of control. Serena's rocking the Road Warrior pythons. She and dad and sister can pull all the test results they want out of their ass, something's amiss. I'd investigate, but you go snooping around the Island of Dr. Moreau, you come...

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Serena Williams And Caroline Wozniacki Just a Couple of Playful Girls

I think it's great that competitive athletes can be friends off the court. Why can't you share a laugh and a day at the beach with Serena Williams, before she annihilates you with her Richie Incognito level bench, squat, thrust power numbers. As long as Caroline Wozniacki doesn't turn around, she might just think she stands a chance. Photo Credit: FameFlynet, AKM-GSI [gallery id="3594"]

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Serena Williams Is Raw Power

I think it's great that women feel body positive or whatever term is in vogue in 2014 for women without model frames to hang out mostly naked and drink fruity cocktails and bitch about that whore Nancy at work and feel good about themselves. Why not feel positive about your body. Fuck what other people think. Go to Europe and you'll see countless mounds of flab and furry naked badger like creatures rolling like...

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