Snooki Got Married

While you weren't caring, Snooki ornately married the first dude who didn't ask to finish on her tits. He's a good solid something or other who accepts the fact Snooki looks radically altered from when they first met. I can see dramatic plastic surgery having a positive... read more

Country Troll Is Getting Married, City Troll Comes to Visit

Snooki already has some number of babies by some dude I thought she was already married to. I guess that never happened. With a new reality show for the mummified and brain dead, the production team has the nuptials keyed in for the season. Bachelorette parties for... read more

Snooki Announced That She's Having A Snooki (VIDEO)

In what is probably the most important announcement that will be made this year, MTV star and living, breathing condom commercial Snooki revealed to her fans that she's expecting a girl. We already knew that she was pregnant, obviously, but we didn't know the gender and... read more

Snooki's Dream Home Is Going To Be So Big

Now that she and her boyfriend, Jionni LaValle, are expecting their second child, it's time for Snooki to have a proper home for her growing family. She posted this photo of her under-construction dream home to Instagram, and just look at all the space that they'll have... read more

What Is The Exact Opposite Of A MILF?

MTV held its big Upfront event last night in New York City to announce that the network is still in the business of making of the worst and most morally reckless shows on television, which is why Snooki and JWoww seemed so proud to help announce that their show has been... read more

Snookie Is More Fertile Than a Rat

The Zero Population whackjobs have another strong case for sterilizing all humans as news came out that Snooki is once more pregnant with a short drunk baby. Though she's keeping her fermenting brood under wraps, it seems Snooki's acted as the fetid garden for baby daddy... read more

Snooki Can Smell Booze In Her Tit Milk

What's anatomically left of Original Snooki has given up alcohol after drinking so much she could smell the booze in her breast milk. There's an image that will leave you not hungry for 72 hours. Snooki has tried to give up her dirty drunk whore ways and her original... read more

Snooki Has Sex Toy Plans for Miley Cyrus

Snooki thinks that she and Miley Cyrus should be best friends and have the sluttiest Christmas ever. The pint-sized Guido came to Miley's defense saying that she sees a lot of her gnarled trollish self in Miley. Snooki believes that the two clam carriers could really do... read more

Everybody Proud of Pauly D For Knocking Up a Cocktail Waitress

Pauly D just discovered he has a baby girl by way of a cocktail waitress he banged one night last year. Yeah, I know, he's kind of proud too. "I'm proud I'm a father. I am excited to embark on this new part of my life." And who wouldn't be feeling like he just took home... read more

Snooki's Own Tits Disgust Her

I'm not sure why Snooki picked just her tits, but apparently the little marmot is disgusted by her own boobs since giving birth to her first bastard baby last year. My boobs are disgusting. My boobs are hanging, my boobs got so big. You can't see now because I have a bra... read more

Is God Trying to Smite Snooki?

First He sent a hurricane, then a conflagration, trying to strike down the little imp. Seaside Heights had to go, like a modern day Gomorrah, for it spawned the likes of Snooki and her short and sweaty cohorts that taught Italian Americans to hate themselves again. If... read more

Snooki Now Weighs Less Than a Baby Dolphin

Ah, baby dolphins are so cute. I think. I don't really know. I do know at some point they grow up into adult sized dolphins and try to forcibly inseminate tourists from Kansas in hotel dolphin petting pools then we have to shoot them in the head and eat them. Damn rapey... read more