Victoria Silvstedt Swimsuit Trolling At Eden Roc

Every mid-May Victoria Silvstedt pushes pudding into the mouth of her older fat French benefactor by the Eden Roc hotel pool while keeping her eyes out for her next human IRA. At forty-one, Silvstedt is the Bartolo Colon of gold digging. If you wanted to blast a load in... read more

Victoria Silvstedt Hungry Like the Wolf

Cannes doesn't officially begin until Victoria Silvstedt shows up to the Eden Roc looking for her next big score. It's like watching the crocodiles surface as the gnu return to the watering hole each Spring with their young. If the crocs did anal in exchange for their... read more

Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini

If form followed function, this is how all ATM machines would be designed. Your balance would indicate your ability to access which slots. Don't be that dick who spends ten minutes pushing lots of buttons while there's a line behind you. I used to mock Victoria Silvstedt... read more

Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini

The most powerful force in the universe remains paid love. It's like true love but without all the talking. Victoria Silvstedt is back with Maurice Dabbah, that pot bellied diminutive billionaire who owns a ton of shit you wish you had, including Victoria. Dabbah gave... read more

Victoria Silvstedt Doesn't Take Vacations

If you can see Victoria Silvstedt's ass, she's on the clock. The occupation of expensive trophy girlfriend has some kind of shelf life between NFL running back and Andy Cohen's muscular bathing assistants. Not many are making it to thirty, let alone forty. It's been... read more

Victoria Silvstedt In A Bikini

Corpses don't last long in Caribbean waters with their warm currents and viscera-dissolving ecosystem. Even the bones become microbe encrusted bedding for coral and anemone in short order. But then Victoria Silvstedt knows this better than anyone. That look on her face... read more

Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini

Fuck, that tongue, that seaweed. Ursula has somebody trapped in her Swedish Santeria clutches. Somebody tracking the Victoria Silvstedt pings on the maritime emergency sonar should've warned St. Bart's she was on her way from Miami. Now some poor rich sod of mixed French... read more

Victoria Silvstedt Tits Like a Lure

It's like watching a bass master cast his line. Some unfortunate largemouth is about to be dinner. Victoria Silvstedt has that hook line and sinker routine going with her inflated everything. By the time you've surmised what it might feel like to have collagen pressed... read more

Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini

Victoria Silvstedt has been missing from public view since her immersion in a stasis tank filled with hep-c blockers and finely shredded paper currencies from the G8 nations. The murky colloid allows her skin to be rejuvenated and her lips and breasts to be re-inflated... read more

Victoria Silvstedt on the Hunt in Manhattan

You've got 300,000 people marching in New York City because a cyclist standing at the edge of Battery Park might get his Shimanos wet in 2147. Meanwhile Victoria Silvstedt is roaming the streets of Gotham this very day prepared to take down another wealthy old fat... read more

Victoria Silvstedt Stretches Lucratively

Central Park is the people's park. Victoria Silvstedt is a people. If she wants to produce live cam shows from the lawn, unless some kid under seven sees her pink or stink, I'm good with it. Victoria is actively engaged in managing her personal funds. She's investing her... read more

Victoria Silvstedt Plies Her Trade In Mykonos

Victoria Silvstedt had no time for tears after her chubby French midget benefactor revoked her Amex black. Where other kept women see peril, Victoria saw an opportunity to gobble up the last remaining drachmas in Greece by working the wharf in Mykonos. She raised her... read more