Victoria Silvstedt Swimsuit Trolling At Eden Roc

Every mid-May Victoria Silvstedt pushes pudding into the mouth of her older fat French benefactor by the Eden Roc hotel pool while keeping her eyes out for her next human IRA. At forty-one, Silvstedt is the Bartolo Colon of gold digging. If you wanted to blast a load in Bartolo Colon's bottom, snap a keepsake, and start a new life under the name Claude in the former Eastern bloc.

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Victoria Silvstedt Hungry Like the Wolf

Cannes doesn't officially begin until Victoria Silvstedt shows up to the Eden Roc looking for her next big score. It's like watching the crocodiles surface as the gnu return to the watering hole each Spring with their young. If the crocs did anal in exchange for their calves.

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Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini

If form followed function, this is how all ATM machines would be designed. Your balance would indicate your ability to access which slots. Don't be that dick who spends ten minutes pushing lots of buttons while there's a line behind you. I used to mock Victoria Silvstedt now I can only admire how she planned for her future so much smarter than I did. I'm checking my 401(K) monthly for any movement while she's riding...

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Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini

The most powerful force in the universe remains paid love. It's like true love but without all the talking. Victoria Silvstedt is back with Maurice Dabbah, that pot bellied diminutive billionaire who owns a ton of shit you wish you had, including Victoria. Dabbah gave her the keys to his yacht so she could Magellan around the Spanish islands and display the Playboy tits circumnavigating back to daddy's place for uni...

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Victoria Silvstedt Doesn't Take Vacations

If you can see Victoria Silvstedt's ass, she's on the clock. The occupation of expensive trophy girlfriend has some kind of shelf life between NFL running back and Andy Cohen's muscular bathing assistants. Not many are making it to thirty, let alone forty. It's been seventeen years now since Silvstedt was named Playmate of the Year and fucking people because it felt good. It's twilight of the career time. Nobody's...

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Victoria Silvstedt In A Bikini

Corpses don't last long in Caribbean waters with their warm currents and viscera-dissolving ecosystem. Even the bones become microbe encrusted bedding for coral and anemone in short order. But then Victoria Silvstedt knows this better than anyone. That look on her face and the presence of celebratory secretion in her crotch region indicates that some poor old man who just wanted his pecker wetted now finds himself a...

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Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini

Fuck, that tongue, that seaweed. Ursula has somebody trapped in her Swedish Santeria clutches. Somebody tracking the Victoria Silvstedt pings on the maritime emergency sonar should've warned St. Bart's she was on her way from Miami. Now some poor rich sod of mixed French and German descent is about to become Tokyo to her Godzilla. We couldn't do shit to contain Ebola. Political correctness leaves us impotent to...

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Victoria Silvstedt Tits Like a Lure

It's like watching a bass master cast his line. Some unfortunate largemouth is about to be dinner. Victoria Silvstedt has that hook line and sinker routine going with her inflated everything. By the time you've surmised what it might feel like to have collagen pressed around your member, your bank account has already been emptied. It's a magic act that counsel for your legal heirs will label cunning in a courtroom...

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Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini

Victoria Silvstedt has been missing from public view since her immersion in a stasis tank filled with hep-c blockers and finely shredded paper currencies from the G8 nations. The murky colloid allows her skin to be rejuvenated and her lips and breasts to be re-inflated to specs customized from survey responses of wealthy benefactors around the globe. The result is another twelve months of free rent and enormous tubes...

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Victoria Silvstedt on the Hunt in Manhattan

You've got 300,000 people marching in New York City because a cyclist standing at the edge of Battery Park might get his Shimanos wet in 2147. Meanwhile Victoria Silvstedt is roaming the streets of Gotham this very day prepared to take down another wealthy old fat midget. We can find more bicycle riders to stare out wistfully over New York Harbor and dream of a world with no cars. Short fat wealthy guys are what makes...

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Victoria Silvstedt Stretches Lucratively

Central Park is the people's park. Victoria Silvstedt is a people. If she wants to produce live cam shows from the lawn, unless some kid under seven sees her pink or stink, I'm good with it.Victoria is actively engaged in managing her personal funds. She's investing her money for a time when men leave $15 iTunes gift cards on her nightstand instead of black AmEx cards. Everybody wants golden years hammock money, to...

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Victoria Silvstedt Plies Her Trade In Mykonos

Victoria Silvstedt had no time for tears after her chubby French midget benefactor revoked her Amex black. Where other kept women see peril, Victoria saw an opportunity to gobble up the last remaining drachmas in Greece by working the wharf in Mykonos. She raised her hand in the international sign of the world's oldest profession. Within two minutes a Zodiac Mark 6 carrying somebody loosely related to Socrates came by...

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Victoria Silvstedt Panties Are Back to Work

I'm going to guess that Victoria Silvstedt and her diminutive billionaire boyfriend are kaput. I don't say that because I don't believe in love between aging Playmates and older rich fat dudes, but because somebody has been sending out legal demands to remove old paparazzi photos of the two in photographs together. Ah, the sadness that ensues when two perfect souls detach. But, hark, what promising light shines under...read more

Victoria Silvstedt Checks Her Thong for Change

It's day five of her commercial feeding frenzy in Miami and you wouldn't believe the kind of gunk that's built up in Victoria's Silvstedt's vagina. It's similar to the miscellaneous refuse of a '80 LeSabre ashtray. Lots of Wrigley's wrappers and lint and loose buffalo nickels. But you can't just run that pouch through the car wash. You need some kind of industrial solvents and a centrifuge to separate the coins from...

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