It's times like this it's good to remind yourself why you're no better than Brad Pitt when it comes to falling for crazy chicks with that horny twinkle in their eye and a near perfect 20-something body. READ MORE

Let the games begin. Angelina Jolie is wasting no time leaking tales to the media about her husband's drug and alcohol fueled rants and verbal and physical abuse of the children. TMZ is biting: READ MORE

The only people who know what goes on in any family are the husband and wife and their seven or so internationally adopted and conceived children. Plus the truck beds of UN Refugees turned into household staff, nannies,... READ MORE

It's a miracle it lasted this long. She appears to be completely insane and keeps removing her body parts. He seems like a not so bright pothead. You don't have to get married just because people think it would... READ MORE

Angelina Jolie is in Cambodia filming yet another morose and unpopular film about human tragedy for Netflix. Search under Sad and Suicidal and Asian Genocide next date night on the couch. Famously now the mother of anywhere from nine... READ MORE

Amongthe benefits of descending into your basement laboratory and jigsawing out your lady parts is early onset menopause. Fuck those big pharma commercials where women are scratching their menopausal human shells into bloody shreds. Jolie finds it calming. Like a serial... READ MORE

Every time Angelina Jolie lops off another reproductive organ she celebrates by writing directing and producing a grossly disheartening foreign film. Is she legally not allowed to make depressing art house movies in the U.S.? I couldn’t read all... READ MORE

Writer director Angelina Jolie is surpassed in horror only by oncologist clairvoyant Angelina Jolie. I might have that reversed. I could finally finish my Psych 101 paper requirements watching Angelina pre-cog her breasts and uterus out of her body. I... READ MORE

Angelina Jolie will take a break from freaking out her kids with her preventative organ removals for matters of international importance. Like when the United Nations Security Council calls her in to solve the Syrian refugee problem. Having a... READ MORE

Angelina Jolie lopped off both her breasts a couple years ago in order to avoid future cancer predicted as more likely than not by her genetic drill down. Jolie and her vivisected tits were carried on high by throngs of... READ MORE