Coco Austin Can’t Fit Down The Chimney

December 25, 2014 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Think of all the women in this world who cut, savage, and deform their bodies just so some percentage of lonely bastards might enjoy a good wank. These ladies are the real Santa Clauses. Not the fat old man who delivers presents to children around the world minus Africa because he’s racist. Think about the […]


Coco Austin Cooks In A Thong

November 25, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I understand why Coco forged the arctic migratory fat cap on the back end of her body. It’s like vocational training or school for the most of the rest of us. It opened doors to employment opportunities. But you can’t have that shitter hanging out at the dinner table. I don’t care how fucked up […]


Coco Looks Perfect

October 13, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I can see the advantages of living with an airbrushed Coco. Perfectly large curves with no creases or cracks filled with undocumented aliens seeking out a better life north of the border. A face where you can’t detect the deep impressions left by years and years of semen carving canyons like the Colorado River through […]


Coco Austin In A Thong Bikini

August 29, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I blame hip hop culture. For everything. Before rap, gasoline was ten cents a gallon, the merriment of children filled the streets, and big fat asses were simply known as big fat asses. Grotesquely enlarged butts just peaked in Barbados where Coco’s ass cheeks lifted her out of the water like pontoons harpooned into the […]


Ice T Stands Up for Ass (VIDEO)

June 26, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

When you find yourself on national television explaining that your wife’s as is made of real human fatty flesh to an incredulous audience, you must realize the extent of your cartoonish fetishization. Ice-T explained that people often gawk at Coco’s ass like a freak show exhibit, assuming that the human form cannot naturally anthropomorphize itself […]


Coco Has a Clothing Line

May 29, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Coco took to Twitter to remind everybody of her swim and casual wear line. The bikini clothing line has been specifically designed for the woman with a gruesomely distorted set of ass cans and hyper inflated implants whose goal is to be passed around the back of the rapper tour bus. So, about one-third of […]


Coco Restores My Faith in People

May 17, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Vulgarities like Nigerian kidnappings and Ukrainian annexation and E! pretending that Kim Kardashian’s third sold wedding is romantic can cause you to wonder what kind of shit hole we call home. Just when you’ve lost your faith in humanity, Coco takes her damn top off. I’m still not paying $20 to a guy named Stu […]


Coco’s Ass Has Become Its Own Planet

April 30, 2014 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Twerkmaster General Coco Austin, or Ice T‘s wife with the huge tits and ass, as most people know her, has been pushing a new fitness app that she claims has been making her big ass even bigger than scientists had said was ever possible. Because her fans didn’t believe her, or she just knows that […]


Coco Austin Still Seems Like A Great Person

April 16, 2014 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Other than just being Ice T‘s wife and having a huge ass and matching breasts, I don’t really know what Coco Austin does for a living. She could be the world’s smartest scientist and currently have in her possession a single mega-cure that will rid the world of AIDS, cancer and Kardashians, but we wouldn’t […]


Coco Knows How to Celebrate

February 11, 2014 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Coco celebrated word that she and her old man were getting a new talk show by flashing her tits to a frightened Asian couple on the freezing streets of New York. This is not entirely unlike how my Aunt Maureen announced she was getting a new husband and moving to Texas when I was seven. […]