Laura Cremaschi in A Bikini

August 13, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

When Trump says rapists and unlicensed ice cream truck vendors are pouring illegally across the border I hope he’s not lumping in the loose foreign models streaming into Miami to show off their tits and vaginas. Even the most... READ MORE

Laura Cremaschi in a One Piece Thong

January 9, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Skinny party girls from Italy just seems like something I should be into more. I don’t do well with the nuances of relationships with women who believe in love. It’s far too ethereal. Girls who work Italian rich guys’... READ MORE

Laura Cremaschi Bikini Changes At The Beach

August 15, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Immigration doesn’t seem like such a head scratching social issue when viewed through the lens of Laura Cremaschi’s mons pubis. Cremaschi is a political asylum candidate in the U.S. ever since she got caught hostessing the Italian Prime Minister’s... READ MORE

It’s World Cup Sexy Soccer Cliche Time

June 3, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I have vowed to punch each and every much smaller than me person who announces this month that soccer is the world’s most popular sport. Human papillomavirus is the world’s most popular STD. Go ask Michael Douglas’ throat cancer... READ MORE

Laura Cremaschi In A Blue Bikini

May 10, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’m looking at Laura Cremaschi and I don’t see Italian Prime Minister underaged sex party scandal, I just see a beautiful human being with Photo Credit: Splash READ MORE

Laura Cremaschi In A Thong Bikini

May 7, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I don’t know who invented Pilates but I’d like to give them a great big bear hug. I don’t even know what Pilates is, something to do with rubber bands and converted Tony Little Gazelle machines. I just know... READ MORE

Laura Cremaschi in A Bikini

May 1, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’d advise against women in the public eye holding phallic shaped toys and objects. Some schmuck like me is going to make a cock joke and you’re going to realize the Miami Beach pool noodle wasn’t really going to... READ MORE

Laura Cremaschi In A Wet T Shirt In Miami

January 24, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I think Italian catwoman has solved the dilemma of what to wear at the beach when you want to look like one of those fake college chicks who win all the wet t-shirt contests during Spring Break. They always... READ MORE

Laura Cremaschi In A Pink Thong Bikini

January 15, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Yes, Laura, we see your tits. You can’t go through life marching around like you’re back in your twelve and under pedo-pageants in Italy trying to win the skills competition for the local wealthy furriers. You’ve got big fake... READ MORE

Laura Cremaschi Plays Calcio in a Thong

January 9, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Soccer will never catch on in the U.S. until they add a halfcourt rule and a shot clock of some kind. That’s what turned the NBA into a multibillion dollar sport. Getting Italian party girls into the mix isn’t... READ MORE