The dyke-de-jour in Hollywood these days is Lindsay Lohan, who has been rumored to be in a gay relationship with DJ Samantha Ronson for over a year now.  Nothing has ever been made official, but the rumors heated up again when new pictures this week showed a hickey on Sams neck.  But today, for the first time, there’s a picture of them actually hugging or cuddling or whatever the hell you wanna call this while having a romantic dinner in Paris.  So is she gay?  Oh golly, I’m on pins and needles, I just have to know, it's driving me mad.  The doctor even thinks the reason I can't get an erection is because of all this stress.

Suffice to say it's not the most flattering thing in the world when the nicest thing someone can say about you is that you're fat.  But that’s what most wanted to believe when they saw these pictures a few days ago.  Now X17 Online has new pictures of Britney very suspiciously covering her stomach as she leaves a Ballys in LA.  So is she pregnant?  Who knows, but I'm sure it will work out for the best. She’s a dynamite lady, and everything she touches turns to gold.

Kimora Lee Simmons stopped by the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills yesterday looking EXACTLY like she does in the ads for her reality show.  I thought those might be ps’d to make her look taller and slimmer and take the hot dogs off her neck, but I guess not.  It takes a big man to admit he was wrong, and I clearly was.  She’s sooooo pretty.  In fact, I worry she may become a beam of pure energy if she gets even a fraction more beautiful.

Angelina Jolie is in Cannes this week to promote King Fu panda, and god knows why they would know but co-stars Jack Black and Dustin Hoffman told the press that Angelina was in fact expecting twins, and they are due on August 19.  People magazine says...

First, Jolie's Kung Fu Panda costar Jack Black spilled the beans and confirmed that Jolie and partner Brad Pitt are expecting twins. Now fellow costar Dustin Hoffman has revealed her due date!
The big day? Today show reporter Natalie Morales revealed on Thursday's program that Hoffman told her the babies were due Aug. 19.
The new arrivals will be the fifth and sixth children for the Jolie and Pitt. The family currently consists of Maddox, 6, Pax, 4, Zahara, 3, and Shiloh, who turns 2 this month.
"I'm very happy," said Jolie, 33, according to Today. "Unlike most women, I love being pregnant. [It makes] you feel like more like a woman than you've ever felt. You just feel like everything about your body is there for your baby."
During the on-air interview, Jolie said that she would "possibly" stay in France for the births, and that she and Pitt preferred not to disclose the sex of the babies.

The rest of the rumor of course is that Angelina is expecting twin girls.  Repeat: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have produced twin girls.  To go along with their blond haired, blue eyed sister.   This family is basically what Hitler sees when he closes his eyes and daydreams.

Jodie Foster has never actually come out of the closet, even though everyone in Hollywood knows she's gay.  In December she came as close as she ever has when she thanked her girlfriend for the past 14 years at some awards ceremony.  She should have kept her mouth shut because that relationship is now over.  The Daily Mail says...

A source is quoted in the publication as saying: "Jodie's break up with Cydney is shocking.
"She and Cydney have been together for so many years and have two children together - the potential fallout and legal wrangling from this could be monumental."
For several years the two women have worn matching Tiffany eternity rings on their wedding fingers, and Bernard was with the actress throughout both her labours.
Friends say Miss Foster has refused to employ household staff for fear that details of her home life would leak out.

These two might as well get back together because they’re both ugly so what’s it matter.  One ugly person is just as good as the next.  It's not like Jodie is gonna get mad pussy now just because she dumped Crystal.  Just get married or whatever.  What else are ugly people gonna do, wrestle?

Her rep denies it, but for about two days now the rumor has been that Jessica Simpson has broken up with Tony Romo.  Us magazine is the latest to say they’ve split, and then they pile on by saying she’s still hung up on John Mayer, so much so that Jess got drunk off her ass when she saw the pictures of Mayer with Jennifer Aniston.  Us says...

The 27-year-old singer was so out of it after a four-hour session of drinking at L.A.'s Mexicali Cocina Cantina on May 10 – which started at the pre-happy hour of 4 p.m. with BFF CaCee Cobb and her beau Donald Faison – that she was reduced to leaving her Range Rover in the parking lot and calling her mom Tina for a ride home (for good measure, CaCee Cobb threw up under the table); that same night, Us Weekly also reports that beau Tony Romo partied solo in Chicago and was overheard telling friends he was single again.

This is good news, since it opens the window for me to finally be with my beloved Jessica.  Tony is a dork.  She deserves a handsome stud like me.  To learn more about my exciting adventures of passion and karate, check out this months issue of Fantastic Handsome Lover magazine.  (full size of that banner pic here.)