New Bachelor in Paradise Statements For Women Hating Women

June 16, 2017 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

The only things women hate more than being marginalized by the patriarchy are each other. The most colorful slut shaming comes from self-flagellating prostitutes with a thing or two to say about cum bucket Ashley or whoever. I heard... READ MORE

Jihadists Continue to Be Super Gay

May 23, 2017 | News | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

If there's an attribute common to any zealot, it's an overwhelming self hatred for impure thoughts. Inevitably about wanting to stick your dick into children or members of the same sex. 


In Death, There Is Cash Money (Sounds Cooler in Latin)

April 13, 2017 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Spike TV is releasing a Heath Ledger documentary on May 17th. I Am Heath Ledger uses behind-the-scenes footage of the actor taken years before his multiple meds cocktail overdose in 2008. This will serve as “Ledger’s final gift to... READ MORE

Ghost in the Shell Tanked

April 4, 2017 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

The life-action version of Japanese anime cult hit Ghost in the Shell tanked at the box office this weekend. If you bet the opposite, you don't deserve to handle money.


‘Man Rules’ Coming Very Soon (Blatant Self-Promotion)

October 4, 2016 | News | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

While all you kids were doing your Adderrall and video games and furry cosplay cuddle parties, I was busy writing a book. It's going to be on Amazon and wherever else books are sold. So, just Amazon. Man Rules.... READ MORE

Women Must Now Register For The Draft

June 16, 2016 | News | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Starting in 2018 women will be required to register for the draft. This is exactly the type of equality we've all been looking for. If young men can be legally forced to participate in unjust wars, they should be... READ MORE

US Airways Took Social Media To New Heights

April 15, 2014 | News | editor| 0 Comments

One of the fun things about being a person who doesn’t spend every waking moment on Twitter is that if someone important tweets something incredibly fucking stupid, which is usually at least once a day, and they delete it... READ MORE

You’re Not the Worst Person In the World, The Shitstain Who Tormented Rebecca Sedwick Is

October 17, 2013 | News | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Zero tolerance policies have really fucked up childhood but good. When we were little snots, we all either were or knew the slightly bad kids in school, the ones who cut in lines or were the first kids to... READ MORE

The Redskins Owner Will Fold Eventually

October 15, 2013 | News | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The government shutdown is super fucking boring, so everybody now in Washington has turned their attention to a more important matter, the controversial name of their pretty crappy football team. Redskins is clearly a derogatory terms for Native Americans,... READ MORE

Amber Alerts Issued on Cell Phones in California

August 7, 2013 | News | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

This is the new thing. Sending a loud alert message to millions of phones in the state when kids get snatched up by their angry estranged father or creepy boyfriend their mom met on Craigslist who swore his criminal... READ MORE