Amber Rose's Feminism Stops At Free Money

Amber Rose doesn't need a man around and she's perfectly happy having anonymous casual sex while getting herpes in the name of feminism and also she's just kind of a whore. That's something to be proud of in today's America. It used to be graduating college. There's no such thing as a slut.read more

Kimbo Slice Also Dead

Kimbo Slice died suddenly at age forty two as people do when they've spent decades growing muscle mass and bare knuckle brawling. Slice made a short lived impact in MMA, but his real fame came via the Internet where people watched him beat down slightly less criminal looking dudes in backyards in front of eight raggedy dudes holding malt liquor bottles.read more

Sarah Hyland Makes Me Wiener Happy And Shit Around The Web

I've been in deep lust with Sarah Hyland since I first saw her on Modern Family. Before it was OK, even. But now everything is on board and I don't have to worry about possible jail time.read more

Ashley Graham in A Bikini

Ashley Graham continues to model swimsuits because gorgeous overweight women with huge tits experience summer just the same as their more physically fit peers. In the right light, Graham only looks mostly chubby. I'd sell the lighting package with the bikinis.read more

Amber Heard Beat Her Lady (According to TMZ, Don't Fucking Sue Us Too, Heard)

According to TMZ which will eventually find something on everybody famous in this world, Amber Heard was once arrested for domestic violence against her then lady squeeze, Tasya van Ree, the most lesbian name ever. The two apparently scuffled at the Seattle airport as chicks do and Heard grabbed van Ree and struck her on the arm. That's rather gay.read more

Helen Mirren Applauds Kim Kardashian

Dame Helen Mirren effusively praised groundbreaking female entertainers of the past thirty years who have given the middle finger to authority. She noted Pretenders front woman Chrissie Hynde, Joan Jett, Bonnie Raitt, and Pussy Riot as invaluable members of the club of women who broke open conformity barriers. Mirren added Kim Kardashian to her list of notables despite her lack of any achievement outside of being a...read more

Things Not To Say When Your Son Fingers a Passed Out Woman

Stanford University student and varsity swimmer Brock Turner got sentenced to six months in prison for penetrating a 23-year old female partygoer with a "foreign object" and intent to commit rape. Turner had argued that the hooking up was consensual and his lady whose name he didn't know was moaning.read more

Michael Phelps Makes Aquatic Mammal

Michael Phelps has come a long way since being a fall down drunk fucking a transsexual porn star who looked like Curt Hennig. He just had a baby with his wife who is a former Miss California. Odds are high she's too dumb to work the Internet and memorizes flash cards to order a Benedictread more

Cue Roger Clinton

Losers always have a habit of fucking up at the worst possible time. In reality they're just constantly fucking up but sometimes you notice more. Hence Bill Clinton's bastard brother got himself a DUI in LA two days before the California primary. Hillary has most certainly looked into having his Dr Skipper poisoned but decided it's not worth the risk. Syria, definitely.read more

Fox Caves on X-Men

Fox caved on pressure from Rose McGowan and several of her braless underemployed Hollywood friends and removed their billboards for X-Men featuring Apocalypse choking Mystique. When making a movie where women get punched, kicked, stabbed, shot, and eviscerated, it's important to apologize halfheartedly for a one-sheet featuring the movie's climactic moment:read more

Metisha Schaefer in A Bikini

This German model speaks five languages fluently. Which is not nearly as helpful as learning the interrogative "more vagina?" in twenty.read more

Jennifer Nicole Lee in A Bikini

It's hard to know when it's time to step aside as a celebrity fitness instructor. Like ball players or meth addicts. It's depressing to think of what comes next. Forty is the new thirty which is still five years past the time super wealthy men will make you their trophy wife without IMDb credits or a society name.read more

Alessandra Ambrosio Cleavage Show And Shit Around The Web

Alessandra Ambrosio says she's excited to welcome people to her home country this summer. I think she means Brentwood. She occasionally visits Brazil to drop off ten American dollars to her grandmother's kidnappers but outside of that she sticks mostly to Northern Hemisphere Fairmont Hotels.read more

Italian TV Seems Molto Meglio (VIDEO)

Italian reality TV dance shows seem better than the ones you're forced to sample in the U.S. to get payback sex. The American version features trained ballroom dancers, meaning women with fit bodies but faces that led their parents to decide early on that modeling and Disney Channel weren't in the cards.read more

Leslie Mann's Gimp Sticks Up for Ghostbusters

There's a fine line between stalwart supporter of women's rights and a male submissive whose wife makes him wear an Invisible Fence collar so he can't snack after meal time. There's not a single cause de female celebre that Judd Apatow can't get behind with a shrill rant. His level of argumentation akin to a middle school girl who prays for Taylor Swift to photobomb her Bat Mitzah.read more