Seth MacFarlane Is Sued And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 16, 2014 @ 1:44 PM

Mark-Wahlberg-in-Ted

Seth MacFarlane is being sued by the makers of a web-series. They claim that MacFarlane stole their idea of a drunken asshole teddy bear to make his movie Ted. I saw some of the videos and it does look pretty similar in the drunken asshole teddy bear genre. Either way, he probably owes the universe some cash back for letting Family Guy be popular.

Read more about Seth’s troubles at the drunken teddy bear picnic. (Defamer)

Genevieve Morton tits aren’t just for breakfast anymore. (Hollywood Tuna)

Nicole Sherzinger’s boobs are the real talent. (Popoholic)

Isla Fisher likes to wear see-through shirts and I support her right to do so. (Fish Wrapper)

Paris Hilton’s music video has a herpes infected unicorn  (The Superficial)

Denise Richards is keeping it tight in this pink bikini. (Huffington Post)

A sneak peek at Uncle Terry’s Playboy shoot. (Drunken Stepfather)

Nicole Scherzinger Twerks Onstage (VIDEO)

By Lex July 16, 2014 @ 1:18 PM

Nicole Scherzinger is proof that you don’t need to be good at a lot of things to be successful in life. Just pick one good one to master. Hitting a dimpled ball into a cup and having a crazy fine ass are two I’d recommend to boys and girls respectively. Not that girls can’t play golf too, but unless you’re a lesbian nobody is going to talk to you in the locker room. If you’ve got a great ass, you’ll never be lonely.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Natasha Oakley In A Bikini

By Lex July 16, 2014 @ 11:49 AM

Natasha Oakley In A Black Bikini At The Beach In Miami
The older you get, the easier it is to lament how shit used to be much better. But it’s rarely true. Oh, fuck no, people are becoming famous just for posting photos of their tits and ass in bikinis on Instagram. That’s a bad thing I guess. Remember when people had to have real talent to become famous? Yeah, I don’t either. And now we get to see their yabbos with one click of a button. I don’t see how this is not a huge improvement.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet

Kim Kardashian Fucks Hollywood App Raking in the Dough

By Lex July 16, 2014 @ 11:24 AM

Kim-Kardashian-Hollywood-Screen-Shot

Fuck you. Kim Kardashian wins again. Her simplistic mobile game designed for the multitude of morons in our midst is set to take in $200 million in revenue by year’s end. Kim’s take is estimated to be forty-percent of that. That’s Wall Street gangster money. In the game, mindless tools who found Farmville too complicated can now be Kim Kardashian, buying clothes, taking modeling gigs, and letting rappers bareback her for cash and popularity points.

In addition to her in-game audio commentary, she [Kim] provided a significant amount of creative feedback. She hand-selected the majority of the outfits, accessories, hairstyles, and other in-game items – and her deep involvement continues as we roll out updates and new content – from the aesthetics to new locations and features.
– Niccolo de Massi, CEO of Glu Mobile and dumbest luckiest person ever.

So about two hours of Kim suggesting, ‘how about she lets a famous black athlete finish on her tits and you get all your clothes that day for free’ earned Kim about $80 million. Ironically, the goal of the game is to buy, dress, fuck, and tan your way to become a Hollywood A-lister, an achievement that for all the money and crusty semen cheeks continues to elude Kim. But the pumpkin heads making in-game purchases in her app to become more popular like Kim could care less:

Being an A-list celebrity means you get more appearances, shoots and big opportunities such as being the face of a brand. This also means you get more money, which you can use to buy properties and new outfits that will help you level up, and gain more followers. I currently have over 50 million followers.
– Emy Sebagh, a top ranked Kardashian game player who doesn’t understand how people really see her

That’s wonderful, Emy. I’m sure your parents are wicked proud you turned down cosmetology school for the chance to blow their money achieving a dope ranking as a virtual Kim Kardashian whore. Personally, I’d body bag my own flesh and blood the minute I saw this app purchase on their iTunes account. But I’m a firm believer in eugenics. You get caught fucking a corpse, watching a Tyler Perry movie, or pretending to be Kim Kardashian and we remove your genitals and bury you deep inside Yucca Mountain. In four or five more generations the Kardashians will lose their natural audience.

Jessica Simpson Is Not Fat Anymore

By Lex July 16, 2014 @ 10:22 AM

Jessica Simpson Instagram Photos
Jessica Simpson lost weight. I wouldn’t know except after five years of pregnancy pounds and violating her Weight Watchers don’t-get-fat contract stipulations, Jessica Simpson is showing off her new reduced calorie body in every medium known to 2014 mankind. Girls like to write supportive shit about each other when they’re losing weight. Naturally, they’re jealous and hateful and waiting for their friends to get super fat again so they can feel relatively less horrible. Just as men who compliment their buddies for getting a fine girlfriend are really thinking, I shall murder you in a shallow puddle and then take your woman for myself. People are an evil jealous bunch. Most animal species are far more communal and supportive. You can taste that when you dine on their flesh. Losers.

Photo Credit: Jessica Simpson/Instagram

Jeff Goldblum Likes Young Flexible Wives

By Lex July 16, 2014 @ 9:18 AM

Jeff Goldblum And His Young Fiance Emilie Livingston At The Beach In Maui
This is the time to call out older men who bang gymnast dancers half their age. They’re emotionally immature and obviously threatened by women who are their equals. They’re not looking for a real partnership, they’re looking for a submissive human doll who won’t challenge their authority. I know, I read the feminist doctrine on the bus ride over here. I’m sure Jeff Goldblum is perusing the same journal as his 31-year old bride-to-be is blows him while swinging upside down from a chandelier. If Jeff Goldblum wants the company of 60-something women, he can put on his stupid hat and step into a jazz set at the local piano bar. When daddy gets home, he wants a girl who can pin her feet behind her ears without the need for Celebrex and a heating pad.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Lindsay Lohan Bikini Make Out Pictures Shot from Space

By Lex July 16, 2014 @ 8:49 AM

Lindsay Lohan In A Bikini Making Out With A Guy On A Yacht In Italy
Lindsay Lohan’s slide rule calculations proved a little off in her effort to achieve beyond-camera distance on her rented boat in Italy. Lindsay didn’t want anybody to see her making out with what everyone is calling her new boyfriend because journalists are uncomfortable using the term fuck buddy. Lindsay’s attempts at privacy only persist in the daylight hours. In the evening she was vomiting down his throat as she tugged on his thumb for half an hour wondering why he wouldn’t cum. He’s an English reality TV tool who’s going to have to figure out some better excuses when Lindsay follows up on her threat to move to London. It’s one thing to get some quick fame points by being Lindsay’s latest lay, it’s another thing when she shows up in her flannel PJs in tears at your flat asking you if you know how to buy tampons in British.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Anna Kendrick Comes to Terms With Her Good Looks

By Matt July 16, 2014 @ 7:10 AM

Kendrick

Anna Kendrick does not want to be listed in the Most Beautiful lists many magazines release every year to purchase celebrity access from powerful publicists. Kendrick stated her aversion to the superficiality of beauty while on a paid modeling shoot just to remind everybody that paid gigs don’t count against principle.

“The thing is, my appearance – that’s never been my moneymaker. I’m fine being small. I’m fine being all the things I am.”

I think she means she’s fine being short and good looking. Very big of her. I’m fine with my massive cock. Though I do get nervous in those revolving entrance doors. Anna is the latest in the heralded line of Hollywood actresses who complain about being typecast as the pretty girl. God forbid you get paid a couple million per movie to have a nice smile. Robin Wright once gouged her face up with a sea urchin to be more like Brando. Charlize Theron had to give herself regurgitated hash face to be considered for an acting award. I guess being pretty really is some kind of curse. The kind you should really shut the fuck up about.

Photo Credit: Getty Images