Shia LeBeouf Raises the Douche Bar And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 12, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Douchelord Shia LaBeouf has finally gone too far. He’s asked people to come watch him watch ALL of his films. If you can’t make it to New York, you can watch him watching through a web cam. He deserves the mother of all wedgies. One that would split him in half.

See this ass clown wince at his own shitty performances. (TMZ)

Nina Agdal wearing just an arm bra? Delightful. (Last Men On Earth)

Gia Ramey Gay wears a bikini…and then takes it off. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Amber Heard brought her jacket but forgot her bra. (Drunken Stepfather)

Fucking Kendall Jenner is almost worth the herpes. Almost. (Hollywood Tuna)

Lazy hot girls lounging in bed scantily clad. (The Chive)

Chrissy Teigen’s milk jugs are outstanding. (Popoholic)

Somebody in Hollywood Has The AIDS!

By Lex November 12, 2015 @ 11:25 AM

The Sun UK newspaper published a steady piece of journalism announcing an A-list actor in Hollywood who sleeps around a lot is HIV positive. They posted a picture of the HIV virus under a microscope in case you want to know what to look for. The AIDS donor is unnamed, the source for the story is unnamed, but celebrity women in Hollywood who banged this guy are apparently panicked over their transmission test results.

The superstar, who The Sun is choosing not to name, has had a host of high-profile sexual partners. His lawyers are believed to be aware of the situation and preparing for a raft of potential legal claims from previous lovers.

Choosing not to out the actor seems prudent. As opposed to cheaply posting an anonymous HIV scare story that has every chick in town tossing out their boxed tampons. Wait, is that where The AIDS comes from for women?

The doubly anonymous report item contends that the A-list star’s name would shock people since he’s straight. Well, HIV infected straight, so gay. Tomorrow The Sun will run with a story that an unnamed Hollywood actor gets off on hot high school girls while another secretly supports Mike Huckabee but is scared to death of the ramifications. Might be the same guy. Blind items are awesome. An actor in Hollywood has The AIDS. You think?

Photo credit: The Sun UK

Kelly Brook Headlines Ping Pong

By Lex November 12, 2015 @ 10:19 AM

Kelly Brook Cleavy In Tight Dress For Ping Pong Restaurant Launch
Even women with big racks have to pay rent. It’s the great equalizer. Not every Ellen lesbian lifestyle normalization sitcom sticks. That’s how you find yourself in a low cut tight dress at a Chinese food restaurant opening. That or that cheap bastard Tiger Woods offered to feed you after sex. Smile for the cameras. You’re two chunks of General Tso’s away from busting out of that dress.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Christie Brinkley Isn’t Aging, She’s Geologically Forming

By Lex November 12, 2015 @ 8:11 AM

Christie Brinkley Signs Copies Of Her Book Timeless Beauty  In NYC
I don’t know how fucking old Christie Brinkley is. But I’d ask her to keep her Methuselah hands hidden while you’re banging her in bed. Does your pelvic bone normally crack like that? I’m stopping. My safe word is ew. Brinkley has been out promoting her book which shares with other women the timeless beauty secret of being born with good genes and having gobs of money for the better plastic surgery. Short of that, consider a big scarf and going into the business of helping better looking women like Brinkley continue to look great. Less chiefs, more indians. It’s all in the book next to the photos of your grandma’s bridge partner half-naked.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Waitresses Have a Lot to Say

By Lex November 11, 2015 @ 1:00 PM


There’s a new phenomenon where restaurant servers and patrons are passively aggressively communicating with each other via their bills. Mostly it’s lack of tips and complaints. It’s always women. Men go to restaurants just to eat apparently.

Waitress Jessica Morris is feeling pretty good about herself today because she got tons of Facebook likes on an open letter she wrote to one of her customers. The chick stiffed her on a tip with a note about how Jessica shouldn’t have flirted so hard with her brand new husband and she should go find her own. On the list of passive aggressive forms of communication, the open letter barely edges out the cowardly note left on a restaurant tab.

I would like you to know, the server that was in the section across from mine, that I kept talking to and checking on throughout the time of you sitting at my table IS MY HUSBAND. Which I found on my own, and looks better than yours. Also, I would like you to know that I’m sorry MY HUSBAND treated me to a cruise for my honeymoon and not a restaurant. As well as, MY HUSBAND would never let me feel so insecure that I would feel the need to write such a terrible note to a server and make them feel the way you have.

I’m not sure why she kept putting MY HUSBAND in all caps, but I’m guessing that’s a standard when he’s super good looking and pops for cruises. Photo above. You judge for yourself.

It seems pretty clear from all these related stories that waitresses are the only people in the service industry who routinely run into rude or unhappy customers. Or it’s possible that the dude who works at Jiffy Lube isn’t writing open letters on Facebook to the asshole who yelled at him for not properly vacuuming out his back seats. I’m sorry waitressing Carrow’s turned out to be less glamorous than in the brochure. Hookers gets The AIDS for their troubles and they don’t pen social media essays complaining about their infectious customers. Mother Theresa slept in a puddle of shit. You’re a waitress. Find some perspective or spit in your customer’s food like your less outspoken fellow servers.

Photo credit: Jessica Morris

Bieber Might Be Porking Canseco’s Daughter And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 11, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Lesbian troll doll Justin Bieber has been seen around town with Jose Canseco’s model daughter Josie. Jose should consider a roid rage and beating the crap out of Bieber. Jury nullification seems more than likely.

They make such a cute couple. (TMZ)

Hannah Ferguson bikinis like a champ. (Last Men On Earth)

Richelle Oslinker shows off her tasty tits. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Kasia Struss and Maaike Klaasen unleash their titties. (Drunken Stepfather)

Let’s all look at these pictures of sexy asses. (The Chive)

Christie Brinkley has still got it in tight leather. (Hollywood Tuna)

Jennifer Lawrence has some mighty cleav and no bra. (Popoholic)

Gavin Rossdale Busted by Ratting Nanny

By Lex November 11, 2015 @ 11:57 AM

Gwen Stefani Side Boob For Interview
According to Us magazine, which is basically the wild speculation of a fat woman on the divan watching Dr Phil but with a major print magazine behind her, Gwen Stefani busted Gavin Rossdale for a three year affair with the nanny. I’m not sure how your husband fucks the nanny for three years before you find out, but let’s just say you lose your junior detective badge. Rich dads are always fucking the nanny. Rossdale could’ve probably kept on spunking the kids’ caretaker uncaught but the other fucking nanny turned him in:

At the time, the No Doubt frontwoman discovered explicit texts between Rossdale and the nanny — including nude photos of Mann and their plans to meet up for sex — on the family’s iPad. The iPad was linked to Gavin’s phone. One of the other nannies discovered the exchange and told Gwen.

Um, Mrs. Gwen, I know you’re deciding between Lupita and myself for the head nanny position, and I just want to say before you make a decision…. just check the family iPad maybe.

Stefani was said to be ‘mortified, livid, and embarrassed’ when her husband finally confessed to the affair. While Rossdale was said to be ‘modestly relieved’ that Stefani didn’t find out about the half dozen other women he was fucking because you don’t get into a rock band because you desperately love music.

How you come up in the world of pop music and still believe blindly in faithful boyfriends and husbands is inexplicable. It’s like hooking up with an NFL linebacker and expecting not to need extra foundation to cover the facial bruises. I’d feel bad for Stefani but according to the same rags she’s already carrying Blake Shelton’s fetus. There’s some solace in showing up your cheating husband with a quickie bastard baby.

Photo Credit: Interview Magazine

Kylie Jenner Nursing Lamar Odom With Ass

By Lex November 11, 2015 @ 10:43 AM

Kylie Jenner See Through Pants At Cedars Sinai
The Kardashian and Jenner daughters continue their ministry of tits and ass to the bedside of Lamar Odom desperately trying to stroke mouth the words, get the fuck out. The whore brigade has been visiting Scott Disick in rehab and laying flowers at the grave site of Long Dead Bob, honoring their commitment to care for all the men they’ve destroyed with their self-serving pie holes. Somebody consult the Cedars-Sinai rule book on barely legal thong flashes. Lamar Odom is immune, but there’s a lot of hypertensive old Jewish men not equipped to handle this kind of ass play. Nobody wants to die with a hard-on. Your wife will incinerate you out of spite.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet