The Jennifer Lawrence Bubble Is a Nice Place to Live

It's hard to know if Hollywood's spoilt class are constantly bringing up female body size issues in interviews or if it's a blatant push by the fashion magazines that have promoted anorexia through the years to appear on top of underarm fat roll acceptance. In Harper's Bazaar, Lawrence is pushing for a new normal body type, since she believes the accepted normal is super skinny chicks who don't eat. I do Pilates every...read more

Jennifer Lopez Teams Up with Dr. Luke

Former Fly Girl Jennifer Lopez released a new song. Boring. The catchy new auto-tuned dittywas produced by Kesha accused rapist, hit maker and star music producer Dr. Luke. Kesha has lost every significant court battle against Dr. Luke, but she droppedthe word "rape" which is like releasing the feministKrakken. Hillary Clinton reminded us that a woman is to be believed in her rape accusations until proven false. And...read more

Kim Kardashian Geo-Political Porn Star

Azerbaijan is in that region of Eurasia that no one really knows or gives a shit about unless they're bauxitespeculators. Borders change weekly, corrupt mustachioed officials scream at each other in non-HD video clips, and the West cares only if there's a possible disruption of black crude. There is currently a tenuous ceasefire between Azerbaijan and neighboring Armenia over disputed territory. This after four days...read more

Lena Dunham Fat Girl Gatekeeper

Lena Dunham is obsessed with her own every bowel movement. Filled with corn niblets and license plates as it is. You can'tpretend her narcissism is method acting anymore. Even Daniel Day Lewis doesn't stay in character forfive years. Dunhaminjected herself into the Amy Schumer-Glamour spat about what constitutes plus-size. I think what Amy was really saying was just, like, let's remove the labels, and she was just...read more

Gwyneth Paltrow In A Bikini And Shit Around The Web

Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini does nothing for me, though I know some people think she's hot. I think she looks like Big Bird. If you think she's attractive congratulations, you want to fuck a Muppet. I'd rather fuck Ms. Piggy. (Egotastic) Michelle Lewin's booty is a work of fucking art. (Last Men On Earth) Eve slips a nip at the Barbershop: Next Cut premiere. (Egotastic All-Stars) Want to see Bieber totally eat it at...read more

Gawker Looking to Work Something Out

Lawyers for Gawker filed a motion to have the Florida jury award of $140 million to Hulk Hogan reduced by about 99%. Or roughly all if you're into rounding. Attorneys for Gawker used a bunch of fancy words to call the jury members idiotic and emotionally punishing to the tune of an award ten times greater than has ever been awarded before in similar cases. Also, everyone kind of acknowledgesthat fucking your friend's...read more

Paris Jackson Inked at 18

Paris Jackson celebrated her eighteenth birthday by fooling around with her twenty-six year old boyfriend and tattooing what she described as message from her father onto her forearm. 'Queen of my heart'. Michael Jackson died seven years ago from an overdose of self-administered anesthesia while his doctor was sexting. It's unclear when the King of Pop precisely sent this message. It is clear that Paris' boyfriend is...read more

Rita Ora Isn't Trying Hard Enough

Don't bother 3D-printing up some space age tank top just to show off your nipples. Not if you're not going to show of your tits as well. The bakery shop around the corner doesn't just let you see the frosting and hide the cake. Maybe the gay wedding cakes so you can't see the Leviticus spit stains. Are you even trying to make weight for this fight? Nobody needed to tell Miley Cyrus to stick a lit joint in her snatch...read more

Ariel Winter in A Bikini

Not every breast reduction surgery has a happy ending. Many end with the post-op patient anxiously rummaging the dumpster behind the plastic surgery center. Ariel Winter turned her tinier tit operation into a cause célèbre. Like everything personal an actress has ever shared with the public, Winter anecdotally reports it inspired many women and girls. Ariel's boyfriend has been supportive through what qualifies in...read more

Grandpa's Tits Confusing Mason Disick

Kourtney Kardashian'seldest bastard child is apparently undereducated on the matter of Bruce turning into Caitlyn. There is no precise Guatemalan term for narcissistic repressed homosexual asshole so his nannies were at a standstill after being ordered to explain to Mason Disick why grandpa now had tits. On the promo for her already-canceled new show, Khloe Kardashian describes Mason's reaction to pop-pop's new bag,...read more

Alec Baldwin Deserves This

Having self-absorbeddrinking angrily divorced famous parents likelysucks to a large degree. Ireland Baldwin's strategy to return serve on her absentee gin-bloated father began with dating fast older boys, redirected into a public lesbian love affair with a butch black rapper, and after a stint in rehab, has culminated with daily near naked body pictures to social media. It's the five stages of giving your shitty dad...read more

Erin Heatherton Accepts Her Role

Victoria's Secret is the last line of defenseagainst the plus-sized infiltration of the American modeling world. Europeans understand the correlation between portion size and chub rub. The Land of the Free is still largely in denial. Frequent a Cheesecake Factory and order a salad. Congratulations, you just consumed the annual caloric intakefor most Ethiopian villages.Victoria's Secret doubled down on its commitment...read more

Bryana Holly Is Your New Celebrity Girlfriend

Bryana Holly is now the chick linked to dating no less than eleven different celebrities. It's a good spot for her. Not so enticing for the dude who gets sloppy elevenths. She became popular when she was dating the Jenner kid Bruce sired when he was still biting his lip and banging women in the 80's. There's a decent career in dating the right people. You don't need to tell your publicist to lie. You just need to tell...read more

Kocktail With Khloe Aborted In Its Infancy

The FYI network which nobody can verify even exists called it quits on the Kocktails with Khloe show which they invested in as a means to get follow-on media attention for the Kardashian name. Khloe Kardashian has forty-six million followers on Instagram. About one-quarter of one percent of those watched the show. That conversion rate speaks to how badly people want to hear Khloe Kardashian speak. Let alone get loaded...read more

Erika Jordan National Beer Day Almost Tits

National Beer Day dates back all the way to about five years ago when some dude invented it as a Facebook page. So it's somewhere between Kwanzaa and National UFO Day in terms of legitimacy. It's about as impactful as the 4th of July would be if the local Elks Lodge had a parade and fireworks show every single day of the year. It's yet to be officially recognized by a Congressman in exchange for a same sex blow job...read more