Maitland Ward And Elle Alexandra Kiss

By Lex January 16, 2015 @ 2:34 PM

Maitland Ward And Elle Alexandra Celebrate International Kiss A Ginger Day
Two girls tickling each other’s vaginas with feathers will never be wrong. I don’t care if that Charlie Hebdo terrorist fugitive chick started tonguing Joan Rivers’ cadaver, I’d watch and throw in some cash. It starts at high school parties watching girls with poor self-esteem being prodded to make out. It quickly escalates to Jenna Haze banging her onscreen horny roommate with a strap-on. Watching sex without having to see another dude’s sweaty junk. It’s inherently beautiful. Go on about your business, girls. Mom and me will be in the other room listening to our disco records.

Photo Credit: Splash

Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler Making It Work

By Lex January 16, 2015 @ 1:56 PM

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Travis Barker and ex-wife Shanna Moakler were arrested after both of them threatened to kill the other. Six years after splitting up because both had to feel they could do better, they still live together in the same house. It’s mostly just to prove how poor they are at decision making. Also, to provide invaluable role models for their two kids. Children with a fucked up mommy and a fucked up daddy do tend to have better outcomes.

As most domestic disputes, this one began when dad wanted mom’s permission to put the kids in a reality show because once you’ve fucked yourself up enough, America insists you show your kids going to shit too before they’ll commit an hour a week. Travis laid out a few choice words for his reluctant ex-wife who doesn’t want their kids in front of the camera until they’re eighteen and can do porn legally.

You’re a fucking piece of garbage.. you cigarette smoking coke snorting bitch…. if I could I’d put a bullet in your head.

In California, it’s illegal to mention cigarettes when threatening your ex-wife. So the cops came over and arrested Travis. He told the police Moakler had threatened to have the guy she was fucking come over and beat him up. So they also arrested her on criminal threats. Both of them struggled to take selfies while in cuffs. Charges were never filed but Children and Family Services investigated so that when the kids inevitably end up dead, nobody will say, where the fuck was Children and Family Services.

Photo credit: Splash News

 

Carmen Electra Now Also a DJ

By Lex January 16, 2015 @ 12:51 PM

Carmen Electra Wears Leather And Fishnets To DJ An Event In Uruguay
Everybody calls themselves a DJ, but how many can actually score a sweet gig spinning the tunes in Uruguay? That’s the 2015 version of being big in Japan. It’s unclear whether Carmen Electra brought her own iPod or one was provided for her on landing. What is clear is that between the DJ gig and later working the jerry rigged stripper pole at an open iron ore mine, Carmen will be coming back home with half a million Uruguayan pesos in her pocket. Or six dollars at the LAX currency office after conversion.

Photo Credit: Splash

Chris Brown Might Be Going To Jail And Shit Around The Web

By Jack January 16, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Chris Brown might be someone’s girlfriend soon as a judge just revoked his probation. The dumbass girl beater traveled out of the country and didn’t finish his community service. He better stop washing his ass now because they are going to tear him apart in jail.

Read all about Chris’ latest legal woes. (Huffington Post)

Colleen Shannon wears a shiny bra because she cares. (Egotastic)

Michael Sam got gay engaged at the Vatican. Wait, what? (TMZ)

Anna Kournikova wears a tiny bikini on Instagram. (Drunken Stepfather)

Jehane Gigi Paris models small bikinis for your eyeballs to enjoy. (Popoholic)

Meanwhile, Claudia Romani’s booty is fucking amazing. (The Superficial)

Taylor Swift reportedly got her underage buddy Lorde shit-faced after the Golden Globes. (Dlisted)

Joe Paterno Gets His Wins Back

By Lex January 16, 2015 @ 11:55 AM

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A couple years back the NCAA declared that all the Penn State wins during the time Jerry Sandusky was boning young boys in the showers were null and void. It’s pretty easy to see how a coordinator raping kids means those touchdowns didn’t count on Saturday. It’s unclear what the impact of losing past wins even means. Do the kids who played at Temple in ’03 now jump for joy because some ten year old’s rectum got torn and their on field loss is now a forfeit win?  It did affect the record books which no longer named Joe Paterno as the winningest coach in college football history. Which was important to the Paterno family who felt Joe’s legacy was tattered merely because he thought forcible sodomy just made kids stronger. Some Pennsylvania senators got involved and convinced the NCAA to restore the Penn State victories. That’s sort of why we elect people and pay them. To fix the big ones. I haven’t read all the details so I haven’t got to the part yet where the NCAA gets more money. Or the part about the child abuse charities getting endowed. I’m just happy to know that Dottie Sandusky can go by Paterno’s grave and remind him that Jerry said none of this would ever come back on the program.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Angelina Jolie And Jennifer Aniston Co-Exist

By Lex January 16, 2015 @ 10:47 AM

Angelina Jolie And Jennifer Aniston Were In The Same Place Last Night And Nothing Happened
A you stole my man with your slutty vagina accusation lingers on through eternity. At the time, it seemed easy to peg. Jennifer Aniston was vanilla ice cream and Angelina Jolie was hot pussy juice flavored ice cream and stole Brad Pitt because he has a dick and that’s how dicks works. Jennifer Aniston has spent the past decade pretending like that’s not what happened and she’s crazy fuckable. Angelina Jolie has spent the past decade doing every possible thing she could do to become less desirable. Adopting the united colors of Benneton babies, directing important films because somebody has to, and hatcheting off her breasts to counter future cancer. All of which goes to show Brad Pitt’s lucky bastard karma isn’t what you think. Also, I might be sexist for saying that shit about Angelina Jolie being less desirable now.

Photo Credit: INF

Michelle Rodriguez Wants to Buy a Baby

By Lex January 16, 2015 @ 9:29 AM

Michelle Rodriguez Wears A Bra For Interview
Michelle Rodriguez did another interview where she said she’d never be in a long term relationship because why the hell would you when you can fuck Zac Efron on your rented yacht, pull into port, then fuck Cara Delevingne in the ladies room at a Knicks game without even douching. That’s just thinking like a man. But, Rodriguez is naturally drawn to the idea of renting a chick to make her a baby so she can have something to call her own:

You might get lucky enough to find that unconditional love in a friend or a lover, but it’s very rare. So if I ever have a kid, it’d be so that I could look in those eyes and know that this child is a piece of me and will love me the same way I love, but I think that’s selfish of me.

No, Don’t even think that. Dogs are great, but no matter how the nanny coaxes, they’ll never utter ‘Mommy, I miss you’ into the phone for you to hear while you’re finger banging Portia De Rossi in a rebound fling on a Kenyan glamping safari. Lots of women and unemployed Central American men feel that yearning to make babies to have something to call their own. Don’t think of it as selfish, call it something else, like totally unselfish. You’re famous enough that your friends and the magazines will go along with it.

Mariah Carey Clutching Her Vegas Cash

By Lex January 16, 2015 @ 9:13 AM

Mariah Carey Busty Cleavage While Leaving Dinner In Hollywood
Mariah Carey announced she’s opening her Vegas residency with a show featuring her number one hits. The news was disappointing to that guy who bought a torn piece of her gown off eBay who loves her extended work. Carey’s getting paid something close the Gross National Product of Honduras to sub in for Celine Dion who is taking a year off to travel the world in search of a newer nose. In the midst of her divorce, Carey made sure Nick Cannon got none taste of her new Vegas cash. She worked out some kind of deal with Cannon where he gets a few million and visitation rights to the twins at the Public Storage locker in Riverside. But he isn’t touching mama’s Caesar’s Palace money. The future might be tough for Nick Cannon whose most sellable skill was pretending Mariah wasn’t getting fat.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet