Johnny Manziel Seems Playful (VIDEO)

Friends of Johnny Manziel became concerned when the former NFL quarterback didn't arrive in The Hamptons to host a scheduled party. Especially concerned as to who was going to put down their credit card to get the party started in the drunk dipshit's absence. These are the kinds of friends you quickly accumulate as a free spending addict.read more

Amber Heard More Red Flags

Amber Heard's case is quickly becoming as flimsy as one of her husband's kerchiefs. Two private security guards say they heard Heard scream, "Stop hitting me!" and bolted into the room to find Depp standing twenty feet away from her. They believe it to be a poor attempt at a setup yet she'll most likely claim it was a performance art piece.read more

Ronnie Wood Makes Twins

68 year old Ronnie Wood and his 38 year old wife gave birth to twin daughters. In vitro fertilization works more or less like a duck hunting rifle, they load up as much sperm as possible and blast them into you with the precision of a water balloon fight. You never know how many are going to take, but two is a lot better than giving birth to eight like a common house dog.read more

When the Clock Strikes Midnight, The Stroking Ends

Mr. Skin, who happens to be the second largest employer of men between the two coasts after only methamphetamine cookers, has extended their Memorial Weekend Lifetime special until midnight tonight. When the witches cackle and the bells gong and CNN has switched over to their British accented anchors, it's all over. $99. No Rebills ever. You can cryogenically freeze yourself and this membership abides. It's like a...read more

Caitlyn Not Playing in Congo

The entire African Continent has only one satellite television provider, MultiChoice. Cable was out of the question because you had to tunnel under the ebola corpse landfills. Plus written permission from Simba.read more

Alessandra Ambrosio Likes To Bikini And Shit Around The Web

Alessandra Ambrosio has that high maintenance look stamped all over here. She's also thirty-five, good looking, and rakes in about fifteen million a year. You can look past the stamp.read more

Gwen Stefani Sings For Her Cock

Gwen Stefani felt compelled to create a third solo album speaking to her messy divorce and new found love. It's tantamount to speaking with her on the phone for ninety minutes about her relationship issues. That's the dream.read more

Courtney Stodden Pregnant Bikini Dance (VIDEO)

Pregnancy is turning into something very good for Courtney Stodden. She had been artistically blocked of late. You could see it in her tits. No vim.read more

Britney Spears in A Bikini (VIDEO)

Britney Spears appeal lies in her Stockholm Syndrome distant stare. Even in her staged backyard bikini videos she looks like she's performing in a female progressive ISIS hostage video with a guy in a head rag stage right holding a sickle. It wouldn't take much to convince her to take grenades into a U.S. mint to strike a blow against the imperialism of the U.S. dollar.read more

Carmella Rose in A Bikini

This model chick did what you're supposed to do when your battling a hundred other super hot bikini models for a relatively sparing amount of fame and fortune. She started doinking a pop star. Cody Simpson. I don't know who he is, but the nieces I don't have tell me he's amazing.read more

Johnny Manziel Keith Moon Status

Johnny Manziel will either be dead in six years or become a born again Christian on the 7-Eleven parking lot lecture circuit. He reportedly was at a family function and then disappeared via helicopter only to be spotted blacked out in a bar hours later smelling of skidmarks and discount jerky.read more

Amber Heard Laughing All The Way To The Bank

Amber Heard testified in court of the horrors of Johnny Depp's domestic abuse then left with her obvious lesbian box licker with an expression which could only be described as having just pulled a fast one. The best things in life are free.read more

Gay Vigilante Billionaires and Amy Schumer Trolling For Trolls on the Last Men on Earth Podcast #47 (AUDIO)

On this week's show Matt and I delve into the profound topics of Johnny Deep iPhoning Amber Heard, Ludacris demanding extra large condoms when performing at colleges, Facebook and Paypal billionaire Peter Thiel bankrolling Hulk Hogan's legal team, and vegans showing that vegans can do anything less obnoxious people can do. Like climbing Mount Everest. You already know how that turns out.read more

Amber Heard Blackmails Johnny Depp

According to comedian Doug Stanhope who was hanging out at Johnny Depp's house the night of the alleged abuse, the entire facial bruising is a domestic abuse ploy by Amber Heard to dig into Depp's deep pockets. Stanhope notes that Depp's friends knew that Heard was a horrible cunt who manipulated the shit out of their lovelorn drama buddy.read more

Bella Thorne Bikinis At A Photoshoot And Shit Around The Web

The question isn't when is Bella Thorne in a bikini, it's when isn't she in a bikini? This girl wears that shit in the dead of winter. Not that I'm complaining. She's got some mighty fine tetas as she says in her fake Spanish.read more