Alexis Ren Deep Thoughts

It's cosmically perfect that models are no less profound than the breathless female bloggers who cover them like they're geopolitical figures. A Cosmo writer found herself "equal parts confused and excited" when young beach model Alexis Ren launched a makeup line. Like... read more

David Beckham Really Wants to Be a Knight

Occasionally clever British tabloid reporters came up with the name 'Beckileaks' to describethe release of emailshacked from the server of a global sports management company closely tied to David Beckham. The hackers released correspondencesbetween Beckham and his public... read more

A Day Without a Woman

Organizers of the Women's March are scheduling a one-day general strike for the women of this nation. It's unclear how many womenwillparticipate, but one-percent of the gender would be spoke of in spin class circles for generations to come. read more

Johnny Depp Broke Ass

Johnny Depp has fired his long time agent at UTA because he's reportedly sickof paying the commissionson his movie deals and his lying whore ex-wife. Seven million bucks per one marital blowjob is a great cut. read more

Tom Brady's Jersey A Hot Item

The jersey Tom Brady wore in the Super Bowl was reportedlystolen from the Pats locker room, quite possibly by one of their incredibly shady equipment managers. The jersey is estimated to be worth up to half a million, or if you're reading this a year from now, ten grand. read more

Paris Jackson Doesn't Believe In Bras And Shit Around The Web

I guess Paris Jackson's dad never taught her how to wear a bra. If Michael had molested girls, she might've grown up more proper. Luck of the draw. read more

Duggars Multiplying Exponentially

Remember when Stephen Hawking calculated that the exceptionally financially pragmatic Duggars might end up populating the planet with two-hundred grandchildren? An exponential progression of pumpkin-headedfundamentalist Christiansto compete with Caliphate Muslim breeding... read more

Jennifer Lopez Mysterious Breasts

Jennifer Lopez postedcryptic pre-printed messages on Instagram providing the opportunity for hundreds of thousands of women to muse over her relationship status with Drake over the weekend. Everybody finds their own form of living through others. Most chose the Super... read more

Rumer Willis Got a Job

This is one of those things that you heard a few months ago maybe but didn't sink it that it could be true. Rumer Willis got a job. It's a big moment for thrice remarried parents when their kid gets her first paycheck. Even if she's now twenty-eight. read more

Kendall Jenner Searching for a Hyphenate

If Audi commercials have taught us anything it's that being rich and pretty and stupid isn't enough for our daughters anymore. Kendall Jenner has made a small fortune being mostly naked and staring into the distance thinking about puppies. read more

Girls, The Movie, A Reason to Live

One of the most universally disliked people in this country isn't a politician or a failed Cleveland Browns GM or even a spy or traitor. It's a self-described comedian. You wouldn't guess that. Try spending five minutes with Lena Dunham. read more

Super Bowl Commercials Really Made You Think (VIDEO)

There was a time when Coca-Cola could make an ethnicities of the worldhandholdingcommercial with a cute ditty and it made sense. Coca-Cola was completely oblivious to color and creedin the manner in which they were spreading diabetes and heart disease to all corners of... read more