Snyderman’s Got Your Ebola Right Here

By Matt October 15, 2014 @ 6:38 AM

Snyderman

NBC’s chief medical correspondent Nancy Snyderman was exposed to Ebola while in Liberia, because when in Rome you drink wine and don’t go to Liberia.  After her freelance camera man tested positive, Snyderman told the CDC she would quarantine herself for three weeks of house arrest, which about a third of the general population of Jersey is doing at any given time. In the midst of her voluntary quarantine, Snyderman was spotted outside a restaurant in Hopewell where an arugula salad that is to die for. Literally. Snyderman issued an apology which explains she is smarter than the general public and therefore able to break rules which she would harshly judge others for breaking:

“While under voluntary quarantine guidelines, which called for our team to avoid public contact for 21 days, members of our group violated those guidelines and understand that our quarantine is now mandatory until 21 days have passed. We remain healthy and our temperatures are normal… As a health professional I know that we have no symptoms and pose no risk to the public, but I am deeply sorry for the concerns this episode caused.”

If you’re such an expert then how did you and your entire crew become exposed to Ebola? The state of New Jersey has officially ordered her inside her house for the remainder of the quarantine period so she can yell out the window about how she’s a doctor and her loogies can’t possibly kill you. This is where Obama needs to get directly involved and drone strike Hopewell and Snyderman’s condo. If anybody complains, just fire back, you want Ebola? Shut up, bitch. Now that’d be handsome.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Shia LaBeouf Keeps It Light (VIDEO)

By Matt October 15, 2014 @ 6:06 AM

Shia LaBeouf went on Jimmy Kimmel and discussed his twenty-four hour stint in solitary confinement for being a raging drunken asshole.

“I get to the station and I quickly realize, I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not made for this set up…So I’m like, ‘You gotta do something. You gotta do something, man. You’re gonna die in here.’ So I turn into Tupac and now I’m ripping my shirt off and doing push-ups like, ‘Don’t mess with me dawg.’ And the guy’s like, ‘What are you in here for?’And I’m like, ‘Cabaret.’”

It’s hard to tell if he’s looking at this with a sense of humor or is an insane delusional person who thinks he is a an urban survivalist and that Brad Pitt will bunk with him after Fury comes out.

I have some sympathy for Shia. Sometimes when you hit on your buddy’s girlfriend at the Christmas party you have to own up to your behavior and issue a heartfelt apology. The problem is this runs the risk of reminding people exactly what you did. The cockier bunch simply pretend it never happened, or when you bring up how they punched you in the dick they laugh as if you and everyone else was doing it with them. This is Shia’s strategy. Who needs to beat themselves up when you’re already hungover and feel like shit? Nobody likes a downer. We like people who make shit happen, regardless of who gets hurt in the process.

Kesha Sues Her Producer And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 14, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Kesha is suing her producer Dr. Luke alleging that he liked to drug and fondle her, specifically in that order. He also supposedly called her fat so often that she started taking the drugs herself before the fondling. I normally abhor jury duty, but I’d show up for this run.

Read all about the Kesha being abused by her slimeball producer. (The Superficial)

Zach Galifianakis no longer looks like fat Jesus. Now he’s just regular Jesus size. (Huffington Post)

I would gladly lick all the cream off of Chelsea Lipp’s titty balls. (Drunken Stepfather)

Rachel Hilbert is all kinds of hot in a black bikini. (Hollywood Tuna)

Kate Upton uses her tits to sell shit for Express. (Popoholic)

Mickey Rourke in spandex is very disturbing. (Dlisted)

Charlotte McKinney naked on a beach. That is all. (COED)

Miley Cyrus Topless Because You Can Do That Shit In Australia

By Lex October 14, 2014 @ 11:02 AM

Miley Cyrus Sunbathes Topless With Cheyne Thomas While In Australia
Fuck if I didn’t just praise Miley Cyrus. Why remind the world that god forsook you with little soy eating boy mammaries? Nobody escapes the dry wit of genetics.

Photo Credit: MTRX/AKM-GSI

Jennifer Lawrence Braless, Happy

By Lex October 14, 2014 @ 10:10 AM

Jennifer Lawrence Braless At Serena Premiere
At some point the job of blond bombshell in Hollywood got a whole lot harder. Back in the day you giggled and showed off your tits at premieres and got snuck into the back door of the White House. Eventually you got into pills and booze and were dead by thirty. Neat and clean. Now you have to compare the leak of your kitty pics to sex crimes, panel discuss the complexity of being a working woman in film, and still have the energy to coax Gwyneth Paltrow’s husband into a state of musical genius semi-erection. I bet gin and barbiturates are looking pretty good right about now.

Photo Credit: Getty

Jenna Johnson Dances Like Nobody’s Watching

By Lex October 14, 2014 @ 9:28 AM

Jenna Johnson Wears A Tight Tank Top While Going To DWTS Practice
I’m not sure why all the ringer dancers on these reality shows look like out of thick high school cheerleaders who had trouble catching their breath. The ones you thought you had a chance with at the after game keg party because they were in between football linemen boyfriends and they bitched about having to spend every other weekend at their dad’s. I think it’s great that somebody invented a sport where these stackable girls can put on globs of makeup and trip the light fantastic with a bunch of dudes who always seem to be leaving Derek Hough’s house early in the morning. It’s more a sport than golf, less a sport than every other sport in the world. Yes, I know ballroom dancing is super fucking hard. So is working a table saw with just your semi-erect dick. Also, not a sport.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Miley Cyrus Is Doing Alright

By Lex October 14, 2014 @ 9:06 AM

Miley Cyrus Performs In Bedazzled Leotard In Australia
Miley Cyrus went on Australian morning television and declared the key to happiness is a whole bunch of empty phrases while fully aware the real answer is being super fucking high and getting laid often. Which it truly is. When you’re twenty one and you can cover off all the deadbeats in your family with a check you don’t even notice and you’ve still got resources for a pony, dank, and all the twat pleasing you need, what else are you missing? Miley might do all sorts of rodent faced creepy shit on stage but she’s not a cunty fucker like Justin Bieber who will take a life before his run is complete. She’s just a chick who wants to play dress up and fuck and bank some cash. The more that sinks in, the more I realize Miley Cyrus might be my favorite person in Hollywood.

Photo Credit:INF

National Coming Out Day Came and Went

By Matt October 14, 2014 @ 8:27 AM

Channing-Tatum-Outside-Movie-Premiere

There’s always next year.