Mel Gibson “attacked” someone

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 11:33 AM

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Radar Online says this morning that Mel Gibson allegedly assaulted a man last night at a club in Hollywood, and now the poor little lamb has filed a battery report with the LAPD. Another way to describe it is that Mel Gibson never touched the guy, maybe never even saw him, and police think this dork is making the whole thing up. TMZ says…

…cops believe it was impossible for Gibson to have even made contact with him. They tell us Gibson was wedged in a booth with his pregnant girlfriend and couldn’t have grabbed the guy’s shirt.
We’re told the “victim” was asked to walk away at least 3 times before the alleged incident. Security told him no photography was allowed in the club, but he persisted.
Cops say witnesses tell the same story — the guy is making up allegations of battery. No one saw his shirt ripped when he left the club.

Even if we join this sweet little thing on his journey to Make Believe Land, where everything he says is true, and then we somehow doubled all that, are you fucking kidding me. A ripped 4 dollar t-shirt is not assault. At worst it’s an accident, at best it’s foreplay.  Maybe next he can sue the Parks Department for new pants because he wet his after getting chased by a bee.

Kanye didnt say that about Michael

By brendon July 29, 2009 @ 3:41 PM

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A couple of hours ago, people started passing around this quote by Kanye West, who seemed to be crowning himself “the King of Pop” now that Michael Jackson has died (by the way, day 34 since he died. Still no funeral in sight. Awesome).

“You know everyone loves and respects Michael but times change. It’s so sad to see Michael gone but it makes a path for a new King of Pop and I’m willing to take that on. There’s nobody who can match me in sales and in respect so it only makes sense for me to take over Michael’s crown and become the new King,” said West. “First there was Elvis, then there was Michael, now in the 21st century its Kanye’s time to rule. I have nothing but respect for Michael but someone needs to pick up where he left off and there’s nobody better than me to do that. I am the new King of Pop.”

Idolator is quick to point out that the source seems to be some Onion rip-off that no has ever heard of. Many didn’t realize it was a joke because the sites idea of parody is to factually describe a likely situation. Along with 100 percent of the people who are Kanye West, this site had the upper hand because they knew what they were saying, although reasonable, wasn’t true. The jokes on us, my friends, but hold your head high. You’ve been had by the best.

Brad Pitt knows how to party

By brendon July 29, 2009 @ 2:25 PM

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The Quentin Tarantino / Brad Pitt WWII movie “Inglourious Basterds” had it’s Berlin premiere yesterday, and that’s not just an unfortunate picture of Pitt at the after-party up top.  OK! says he and beer were there until around 2am. Your liver turns black if you drink too much. Maybe if he keeps going Angelina will adopt it.

(hq jump here. source = wenn)

Awesome stuff is awesome

By brendon July 29, 2009 @ 2:00 PM

This is gonna be dumb because it’s basically a love letter to ninjas and Donald Glover. First Glover, because that dude is a GD genius. He’s the black guy from Derrick Comedy. Their detective movie has a new trailer, but don’t watch that one because it sucks. Watch this awesome one, and find out who fucked the bread. Donald plays Jason, and also Jasons father, in a twist that will blow your mind. He also wrote the song. He’s a writer on “30 Rock” now, and he stars with Joel McHale on the new NBC show “Community”. But he’s not the only one with an impressive resume. I was state champion in pushups, and this morning I drew a bunny on a surfboard.

I’m not good at segues, so the kick-ass trailer up top is for “Ninja Assassin”, produced by the Wachowski Brothers and starring a Korean guy as a Japanese guy because white people don’t know the difference.

Chris Brown y/n?

By brendon July 29, 2009 @ 12:22 PM

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I don’t know who the hell Kyle is, but he’s the undisputed leader when it comes to sending tips to poorly written websites. Radar, TMZ and the Sun all mention today that, despite a court order commanding him to stay 50 yards away at all times, Chris Brown waited in an SUV last night across the street while Rihanna had dinner at Via Dei Mille in New York.

And five days ago, they both checked into the Trump International Hotel. So she’s either taken him back, or he has a lot to learn about stalking. If they are back, they’re at least being careful enough to keep Chris out of jail. Kyles email says…

I was at the Katy Perry show last night at the Hammerstein Ballroom, sitting up in the balcony near stage left.  It was a few randoms like my group mixed in with what seemed to be a lot of music industry bigwigs (I deduce this from all the Blackberrys, their self-congratulating high-fives, and just their general disinterest in anything but themselves).
Anyway, we thought it was cool enough when Donald Trump showed up after the opening set by Cobra Starship and was waving to people, but then roughly two songs into Katy’s set (while it was dark) Rihanna and a small entourage come creeping up the steps, sneaking up to the box with Trump.
She was nice enough and was kind of waving, but clearly she wanted a low profile.  What was interesting though was the clear absence of Chris Brown after the report of them checking into the same hotel.  There wasn’t anyone she appeared to be “with” per se, but definitely no Brown.

If this was a normal email “tip”, it would have said, “I was Katy Perry last night.  Then Rihanna.  Chris Brown?  Crazy right?” It’s like they’re sending me a secret message, except they never bothered to send the key I would need to crack it.

And as the Sun points out, she still has those purple star things on her tits (these).  The ones she wore in Vegas on July 4th (here).  What in the hell kind of glue did she use?  I’m starting to think they may just be a birthmark.

A Madonna sex tape is for sale

By brendon July 29, 2009 @ 10:48 AM

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Madonna is 50 now and a pale muscly mess, but back in 1992 she was kind of hot, and her body was awesome, so if there has to be a Madonna sex tape, this one comes from the best possible circumstances. The Mirror UK says…

(Madonna is) bracing herself on hearing that some of her old X-rated video tapes, voice messages and love letters are about to be made public.
The intimate items are going up for grabs in an online auction.
The personal artifacts – including two micro cassette tapes of answering machine messages and 21 faxed letters – shine the spotlight on her romance with former minder Jim Albright. He started work as her bodyguard in 1992 and mixed business with pleasure for two years.

The good news is that 1992 is the same year Madonna released her Sex book (27 NSFW pics from that here) and back then she was a complete slut who looked terrific.

The even better news is, if you made a sex tape in 1992, you had to really want to make a sex tape. Even home movie cameras were big clunky things with full size VHS tapes inside. Go to the White House today and put one of those on your shoulder. Secret Service would think it was a missile. A red dot would appear on your forehead and they’d turn you off like a light. So if Madonna made a tape back then, it had to be some big affair, maybe even with professional lighting and multiple cameras.

But the best news of all is that Jim Albright sounds like he would be white. That may sound bad initially, but keep in mind that I’m incredibly racist.

Oh, the excitement

By brendon July 28, 2009 @ 5:33 PM

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Stacy Keibler hosted a party at the MGMs Wet Republic pool this weekend, and this chick really messed up by not getting implants. No one likes flat chested girls. Even girls with D’s should get implants, because fake breasts are usually way better than real ones. Implants can be perfect. Natural things suck. Crocodiles, hurricanes, poison ivy, asteroids, B cups. Nothing good ever comes from nature, and girls like Stacy Keibler need to step up.

Challenging Stacy for the weekends most boring Las Vegas pool pictures was Melissa Rycroft, who was down the street hosting a party at The Palazzo. You may be tempted to skip those, but keep in mind that she poses the exact same way in all of them. You’ll be kicking yourself if you miss that.

(3 more pics of Stacy here. hq jump here)

Avril Lavigne is a slut

By brendon July 28, 2009 @ 4:51 PM

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If you’re like me, you’ve never once wondered what Avril Lavignes original band was doing now, or if there even was a band, or if they left, or why they left. But the answers are “this“, “yes”, “yes” and “because this guy was banging her”.

Mark Spicoluk & Jesse Colburn appeared on The Surf on BITE TV up here in Canada and revealed that Jesse was “banging avril” during his time in the band but and was hoofed out of the band after she was done with him

I’m gonna have to take this guys word for it because I could name at least 50 DVD menus that are more exciting than that video, and so I turned it off. I did however watch something on the V-22 Osprey. It’s a military plane. With a vertical takeoff. Like a helicopter. So it can do the things a helicopter can do but with the speed and size of a plane. Things like attacking Canada for their boring ass videos, for example.