Sandra Bullock looks pretty good

By brendon September 23, 2011 @ 3:45 PM

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Sandra Bullock is 47, and worth hundreds of millions of dollars. This has to be filtered through that, but she left a gym in West Hollywood today and looked pretty terrific. So I never would have thought I’d have sex with a girl almost 50, but here we are.

(image source = splash)

Kim Delaney is a drunk

By brendon September 23, 2011 @ 3:18 PM

Kim Delaney is the star of ‘Army Wives’, which, unbeknownst to me, is a TV show that exists, so I guess that’s why she gave a speech last night at the Liberty Media awards honoring former defense secretary Robert Gates. And since that sounds boring to someone like Kim, she got good and drunk first. E! says

The disheveled actress, who has been treated for alcohol abuse in the past, shocked the military audience by slurring her words, making strange gestures and fibbing about her own experience in the armed services.
At the event honoring former defense secretary Robert Gates, Delaney rambled on the podium about “having served in active military duty family for five years.”
“I’ve seen soldiers come home with painful life-altering injuries borne of their time and service,” she slurred. “I’ve attended numerous military funerals, including that of my best friend’s son.”

It’s important to note that when she talks about the funeral of her best friends son, she means, “on a TV show.” Not in real life. I don’t mean to be pedantic, but that’s not really the same thing. After this she went to Walter Reed and told the soldiers about a scary dream she had and the time she stepped on a tack.

Vanessa Hudgens makes gas stations hot

By brendon September 23, 2011 @ 2:42 PM

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Vanessa Hudgens wore some knee high boots and daisy dukes at a gas station in LA yesterday, because LA is very sexy and the pressure to look good is unrelenting. Compare this to somewhere like Alabama, where people make no effort to look attractive even when they’re specifically going to have their picture taken. Alabama: where a slide is considered fitness equipment.

(image source = fame)

Halle Berry needs more help

By brendon September 23, 2011 @ 1:41 PM

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Halle Berry broke her foot two days ago in Spain while filming a movie called ‘Cloud Atlas’, and today she boarded a private jet to come back to America. I was really hoping she would have used that wheel chair they brought for her so I could call her bitchy names but she had to ruin everything by walking. And good for her. This isn’t that big of a deal. In fact, her foot is in a cast, it’s safer than it was before, she should go stomp some glasses or kick a watermelon in half or something like that. That watermelon part might have sounded mildly racist but don’t be a smartass, you know what I meant.

(image source = inf)

Angelina and Pax took a flying lesson

By brendon September 23, 2011 @ 11:57 AM

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Angelina Jolie and her son Pax took a flying lesson In Hampshire, England today (though I’m sure Jennifer Aniston was doing something just as interesting). Wait, isn’t Pax the Vietnamese one? His willage tried to kill my dad, I’m not so sure we should be teaching them how to fly. You’re on a short leash you treacherous yellow cunt!

(image source = flynet)

Cameron Diaz got dumped again

By brendon September 22, 2011 @ 3:22 PM

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Oh this must be some kind of mistake. Why would anyone not want to date Cameron Diaz? People magazine, please find a patronizing source and see if they can provide any clarity.

“They are broken up right now. They are still very close. There was always a certain magic between them.”
Calling the decision mutual, the source says: “They’re still close friends and will continue to be close friends. They have considerable respect for each other.”

I’m not really sure I’d call what they had “magic”. I think they just got along because they’re both super rich and both dumb as rocks. She could have the same rapport with someone who jingled a set of keys in front of her.

Katy Perry is freaking me out

By brendon September 22, 2011 @ 2:10 PM

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Katy Perry arrived in Rio today, and she and a friend wore some Carmen Miranda masks as they made their way out of the airport. Because she’s a weirdo. I guess she thought it would be cute but it’s not. It’s freaking me the fuck out. If a girl ever walked into the bedroom wearing that I would throw the lamp at her and jump out the window. Bravery is for suckers!

(image source = pacific coast)

Lindsay Lohan hasnt changed in any way

By brendon September 22, 2011 @ 12:31 PM

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Lindsay Lohan was called into court back in July because, brace yourself, she hasn’t been fulfilling the obligations of her probation, including the 480 hours of community service she was ordered to complete. If that sounds familiar it’s because it’s exactly what she did last time too.

So did the judge finally get through to her this time, and is Lindsay finally being responsible? Oh you’ll never guess.

“Lindsay has completed about 60 hours at the Downtown Women’s Center. Lindsay hasn’t done any time at the morgue,” a source close to the situation tells Radar. “Lindsay has completed her shoplifters awareness class but is falling behind on her other commitments.
“Lindsay’s team is telling her she needs to log significant time to show the judge that she is working towards completing her hours, but she is ignoring them. Lindsay’s rationale is that she has a year to complete the service, so she isn’t concerned about it right now.”

Now she’s due back in court for a progress report on October 17th, and I’m still optimistic that at some point, some judge will pull their head out of their ass and realize this white trash whore is never gonna change ever and just lock her up. I’m delightfully naive, as it turns out.