afternoon headlines

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 6:38 PM

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SELENA GOMEZ – is reportedly in a topless phone pic being shopped around, but her reps are denying that it’s her. And yes that’s the picture in question in the headline. I’m sure it’s fake but it’s hard to tell. I haven’t seen Selena Gomez naked as many times as you might think. (celebuzz)

THE OFFICE – will have a huge guest star next week when Ricky Gervais appears as David Brent (who of course was the main character in the original version of the Office in England). Though now that I think about it, all this does is make me want to watch the original. Which was way better. It would be like if you went on a date with a girl, and she brought a hotter, sluttier friend with her. Way to go NBC. (aint it cool)

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE – reportedly cheated on Jessica Biel with Olivia Munn a few months ago, and now he may be texting her again, claiming his relationship with Biel is through. In his defense, it might be true. Not in his defense, he’s a little weenie. (huff post)

MEL GIBSON – will probably face criminal charges for hitting Oksana Grigorieva, but his attorney Blair Berk had a meeting late Tuesday afternoon with the DA to try and get out of it. She should have given herself a black eye before she went, then said, “please, please don’t make me go back there with bad news.” It probably wouldn’t work, but I mean he’s screwed anyway so why not go for it. (radar)

Jennifaa Yopez threatened Ricky Gervais

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 5:02 PM

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As you know, Ricky Gervais didn’t exactly endear himself to some people in Hollywood Sunday night as host of the Golden Globes, because they felt his jokes crossed some line and were too mean or too personal.

So when it was her time to go on stage and present an award, Jennifer Lopez, an egomaniac who can’t handle any criticism, went and told Gervais she would jump him after the show if he said anything bad about her.

Lopez said: “I was sitting in the audience and was thinking, ‘Oh my God, what’s he gonna say about me?’
“So I went backstage and I got him, right before we were about to go out. I can’t say everything I said – because you’d have to bleep me – but I told him, ‘Listen, I’m from the Bronx, I fight, my husband fights – we’ll beat you up after the show. I mean it!’
“He was like, ‘No, it’s not that bad. I promise you’ll like it – it’s funny!’ But I scared him.”

Shut your mouth little girl. My dick weighs more than Marc Anthony, probably taller too, so please, by all means, have him come fight me. And I would never ever advocate hitting a girl, but I would definitely push Jennifer Lopez if she tried to punch me. Hard. Hard enough where she’d roll, at least twice. And that is not a girl built for rolling. That ass probably hits the ground like a sandbag, so you can imagine how hard I’m gonna push her.

wtf? Anne Hathaway is the new Catwoman

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 4:01 PM

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Last week it was mentioned on here that Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway and Jessica Biel were all reading for parts in the third Batman movie from Christopher Nolan, but no one was suggesting it was to play Catwoman, so suffice to say this is sort of a shock. Especially if you’re a nerd who is easily shocked.

Warner Bros. Pictures announced today that Anne Hathaway has been cast as Selina Kyle in Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight Rises.” She will be starring alongside Christian Bale, who returns in the title role of Bruce Wayne/Batman.
Christopher Nolan stated, “I am thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Anne Hathaway, who will be a fantastic addition to our ensemble as we complete our story.”
In addition, Tom Hardy has been set to play Bane. Nolan said, “I am delighted to be working with Tom again and excited to watch him bring to life our new interpretation of one of Batman’s most formidable enemies.”

To be honest, that last part is even more surprising. If you dont know, Bane was sentenced to prison while still a boy, then experimented on with secret drugs that made him a super strong genius. Then some stuff happened, then some other stuff happened, then he found out Batmans true identity, went to his house and broke his back.

He essentially kills Batman.

What in hell? Is Nolan gonna kill Batman? That’s not rhetorical, answer me. Yes, you, answer the fucking question! (I can see you though your webcam, btw)

Christina Aguilera is a drunk

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 1:57 PM

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Tina Yothers Christina Aguilera is not only fat and ugly these days, but she’s also a lush who crashes parties and passes out drunk in strangers beds too. I’m honestly surprised there’s not a part in this story where she pisses on herself.

Popping up uninvited at Jeremy Renner’s 40th birthday bash on January 8, Aguilera, 30, got “wasted” then lay down in the star’s bed, a source tells the new Us Weekly.
“Someone comes and tells me she’s in my room,” (Renner told friends). “I run up and open the door and I’m like, ‘Um, hi. What are you doing?’ She just starts slurring. Her boyfriend was rubbing her back. Who comes to someone’s birthday party that they don’t know and gets in their bed?! My parents were there!”
Adds another source, “Christina was a mess at that party. She acted like a fool. Her boyfriend was shushing her and telling her to go to sleep.”

It’s too bad that she’s not hot anymore, because then the answer to the question, “Who comes to someone’s birthday party that they don’t know and gets in their bed”, would have been, “That girl covered in my semen, that’s who.”

Charlie Sheen spent $26,000 on hookers in two days

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 12:18 PM

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Charlie Sheen would actually be kind of cool if all you heard was the sex stuff with hookers and porn stars, because let’s not kid each other that sounds awesome, but unfortunately he’s also an unstable drug addict given to fits of violence and it’s only a matter of time before he kills someone.

Until then, it’s game on, and today Radar says that, during the same weekend in Vegas that he reportedly had an orgy with three porn stars, including Bree Olson (pictured above and below) and Sandra Bullock homewrecker Michelle McGee, he also found time to spend another 26 grand on three hookers.

A drugged-up Charlie Sheen spent $26,000 on three escorts from one Las Vegas agency during his infamous weekend bender in Las Vegas.
(And he) was so smitten with one hooker who goes by the pseudonym ‘Ginger’ that he paid her $10,000 for a four-hour sex romp.
Sheen, 45, showered two other escorts with $8,000 each in separate and earlier trysts.
“Ginger said Charlie was high on cocaine when she got to the room and continued to do drugs in front of her,” the source told RadarOnline.com.
“He was totally out of it and clearly had been partying all night long.”

If the government really wants to stop people from doing cocaine, they should probably black out all the media stories that make it sound like so much fun.

morning headlines

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 10:39 AM

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MIRANDA KERR – posted the first picture of her son Flynn, presumably taken by her husband Orlando Bloom, and as you can see it was while he was sucking on one of her perky little tits. Which means he’s 2 weeks old and his life has probably peaked. (kora organics)

BRUCE WILLIS – was a pain in the ass to work with on Cop Out, according to director Kevin Smith. “I had no fucking help from this dude whatsoever.” And yet that movie totally worked, on every level, a modern masterpiece. The creative process sure is a mystery. (filmdrunk)

HALLE BERRY – is supposedly on good terms with her ex Gabriel Aubry, who is also the father of her 2yo daughter, but yesterday he filed for custody, setting up a potential tug-of-war with their child. Not a literal tug-of-war with their child of course, though that would be way more exciting. (e!)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – is ready to return to acting, perhaps playing a Nazi commander who refuses to execute POW’s at the end of WWII in With Wings As Eagles. Or perhaps playing something else, in a different movie. What am I, psychic? (fox)

RICKY GERVAIS – will not be hosting the Golden Globes again next year, saying he feels twice is enough. Which is how I now feel about watching the Golden Globes. (yahoo)

January Jones? Really?

By brendon January 18, 2011 @ 8:14 PM

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Yay. Another generic blond white girl. I must be in heaven.

Look, if January Jones is gonna be a big deal, I guess I’ll play along, but… really? Really, people like this?

I feel like, if people were all made in a factory, this is what the blanks for a girl would look like. And it would be some angels job or something to add or color stuff to make her interesting. Like, make her a brunette, or tan, or give her an accent or big tits, or best of all just make her Asian with big tits, but for some reason they sent her down without doing that, and now we got this. I feel like I’m staring at a blank gray wall, who can drive, out shopping for new pants.

Alicia Silverstone has a glow about her now

By brendon January 18, 2011 @ 5:53 PM

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If all you knew was that Alicia Silverstone was back in the news last week to announce her body was in the process of changing, and then you saw these pictures of her yesterday in Silver Lake, would you guess “pregnant” or “sex change”?

Circle your answer on the monitor. If you get it right, you’ll hear a little bell.