For the past 10 years Kirstie Alley has been in a contest with Mad Cow Disease to see who could put away the most cattle. Because of this, her weight has fluctuated wildly, from 400 pounds all the way up to 402. But 2010 began a new diet and a new fitness regimen. The results so far have been amazing. On Twitter, she wrote…
YEEEHAA WOOHOO… LOST 6 POUNDS since Jan.1 Yay yay… so 6 pounds in 11 days… I’ll take it!!! FEELS GREAT to be ON TRACK… hear that ENQUIRER?
That probably just means she weighed herself after going to the bathroom, but whatever, because as bad as it is picturing her alone, now picture her having sex with Jamie Foxx. People.com says…
During an interview with Kirstie Alley, set to air Thursday on the Oprah Winfrey Show, the host brought up a May 2009 PEOPLE interview in which Alley revealed her affinity for actor Jamie Foxx.
“I haven’t been having sex,” Alley, 59, said at the time. “I want a booty call with Jamie Foxx. For real,” she said. “I’ve always had a bit of a thing for him.”
“Well, you know, that’s really great because we have a special relationship, but I don’t want a booty call,” Winfrey says of her friend, who magically appeared via closed-circuit TV – prompting screams from Alley.
“Kirstie … with Oprah’s permission, I’ll be your booty call,” Foxx, 42, tells her.
It’s hard not to notice that Foxx didn’t appear in person. If he was worried about her rubbing her stomachs and then pouncing on him, all he would have to do is step up onto a curb or something. She’d be helpless, trapped down there until help arrived.
Whitney Houston has been getting lots of very justified criticism in the past 24 hours for her crappy performance of “I Will Always Love You” in Brisbane, Australia this week (before and after up top, video of her entire performance under the cut). The song is famous for the huge ending, but that was before Whitney spent 10 years smoking crack, which doesn’t have as many vitamins and minerals as you might think.
Now she’s a growling mess, and she can’t even come close to holding notes the way she used to. The concert should have been called, “Back Up Singers And Overly Loud Drumming, featuring guest star Whitney Houston.”
George Clooney of course owns a home (the Villa Oleandra) on Lake Como in Italy, which you may remember as the place where the French guy lived in ‘Oceans 12′. In the middle of the lake is Loreto Island, and now Clooney owns that too, or at least his girlfriend does because he bought it for her.
It looks sort of like the island from Myst, and Clooney must have a way with words because the models I’ve tried it with freak out when you leave them on an inaccessible rock surrounded by steep walls and danger. I usually lock them in an iron mask before I leave. Is he skipping that part? I must discover his secret.
This headline only makes sense if you read it as the second part of the headline right above it. Just so you know. Anyway, if any girls out there are wondering why their boyfriend doesn’t buy them an island, it’s because they don’t look like this. Girls who look like this get free islands. This of course is Elisabetta Canalis, the girl who Clooney has sex with in one of his many fabulous mansions on Lake Como.
I think I speak for all of us when I say that George Clooney and his fabulous life can go fuck themselves.
Although difficult to understand at times, the call from the ambulance to the hospital that pronounced Michael Jackson dead on June 25th has leaked online, which is bad news for Dr. Conrad Murray, who claimed Jackson was only a little bit dead when the paramedics took him. The Sun says…
The recording is believed to feature a Los Angeles Fire Department medical worker calling the UCLA hospital. The voice says: “Patient is Michael Jackson, the pop star singer. No pulse, no breathing. Unresponsive. Tried to resuscitate him. Unsuccessful.
“We’ve done everything we can. We should be there in five minutes. It doesn’t look good. It doesn’t look good”
If genuine, the tape contradicts the claims of Dr Murray who says the star was still warm and had a pulse when he found Jacko and put him in the ambulance.
Whatever. I still want this dude for a doctor. He’ll give you sedatives normally kept under lock and key in case of a zombie attack and then lie to the cops for you if they ask about it. Name your price, Dr. Conrad.
Jennifer Lopez has been with Epic Records for the past 11 years, and her next record was due out in April, but last night she announced she has signed with a new label and the record would be released in the summer.
“I have fulfilled all my contractual obligations to Sony/Epic (and) we have come to an amicable decision.”
Meanwhile, back in reality, Epic thought she and her record both sucked so they dropped her fat ass and now they’ll bury her record and just pretend like none of this ever happened. The Daily News says…
Her two recent singles were flops, all but assuring that her CD would crash and burn, too. While her rep claims that Lopez’s contract was simply up and that it was a mutual decision not to re-sign, a source says Epic/Sony wasn’t willing to gamble on J.Lo.
…Lopez may try to release the album online now that Epic has shelved it.
“Epic technically owns the material from her album, so she needs to buy it back from them to have control over it,” the source says. “But she’ll try to release the album online if need be. It may be her last resort to take control of a poor situation.”
Dance music is the easiest shit in the world to make and this dumb bitch can’t even do that right. All you have to do is get some 70‘s disco song then add some sirens and then have a robot say, “Warning! Warning! Everyone must report to the dance floor!” Jenifaa couldn’t even do that. Your local Action News Team has better music than she does.
BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE – were photographed makin out in Paris on the set of her new movie. Perhaps all part of their intricate plan to trick the media into thinking they’re still together, which is apparently crucial for some reason that no one has ever bothered to explain. (just jared)
BONER - from ‘Growing Pains’ was last seen in Vancouver 10 days ago, and this morning his dad from ‘Star Trek’ asked for the public’s help. I bet this goes really well. “Chief we just got a tip from Mr. Hugh G. Rection saying Boner has gone limp on the corner of Imfuckin and Yomama. Should I send paramedics?” (people)
CHARLIE SHEEN - has entered a rehab for addiction to alcohol and cocaine. Let’s hope he get’s the help he needs. Everyone deserves a four-thousandth chance. (radar)
ROB ZOMBIE - is directing an episode of ‘CSI: Miami’, and this is the preview for it. Like every other episode of this dumb show, it looks like a complete piece of shit, but this one is Rob Zombier. (foundry)
AUSTRALIAN GIRLS - are fucking terrific. I don’t even know what Sophie Turner does, but she’s doing an amazing job at it. Whatever the championship trophy is called in her field, it should be renamed in her honor. (pacific coast)
Elizabeth Hurley attended a charity event in London last night for something called the Naked Heart Foundation, and to get into the spirit of things, she showed off her Naked Breast. Which reminds me, Elizabeth Hurley is 100 percent invited to my bulimia awareness event for the Swallow It Now! coalition. I’m incredibly optimistic she’ll misinterpret this one too.