WOOF

By brendon October 10, 2008 @ 8:22 AM

I don’t think I'm being unfair when I say that time is not being kind to Carmen Electra.  She still has huge implants, and I appreciate that, I really do, but she looks like an ugly version of Fergie now.  And keep in mind that Fergie looks like some sort of monkey-man, so this is bad news for Carmen.  I’m willing to bet that if you saw Fergie in the woods you could shoot her and talk your way out if it.

(picture source = splash news online)



BREAKING NEWS: MADONNA SUCKS

By brendon October 10, 2008 @ 6:36 AM

I swear to God, the next time I read a positive story about Madonna, a story that says what a delight she is to work with and be around, it will be the first time in about 5 years. And I’m pretty sure that last one was written by Madonna.  The Post says…

MADONNA is a demanding diva even to her peers. The Swedish pop star Robyn was psyched when the Material Mom invited her to open for a handful of her European concerts but quickly found out there are rules. Robyn told her hometown Swedish paper that she and her crew were told "not to approach Madonna, not to speak to Madonna and, above all, no pictures . . . I hadn't expected any glamour, but it's strange that they assume that the first thing you're gonna do is run after Madonna and ask for an autograph. My worst nightmare would be to turn into Madonna . . . Madonna is constantly chasing the latest trends."

I had a buddy who worked on one of her videos one time and he said she was just the most insufferable, demanding bitch you could ever imagine.  I’ve worked on a few videos too and only had that kind of trouble once.  Granted that particular video was called, "Girls At My Gym In The Shower, As Seen From The Crawlspace".

“WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?”

By brendon October 10, 2008 @ 5:49 AM

Suffice to say Britney Spears is doing better now than she was a year ago.  And now, for the first time, Britney will talk about her very public meltdown in a 90-minute documentary.  According to the Daily Mail, Brit says loneliness and insecurity were the catalysts of a deep depression, which led to her erratic behavior.

'I sit there and I look back and I'm like, "I'm a smart person. What the hell was I thinking?"' Spears said in an interview to air on MTV on Nov. 30, two days before the release of her new album.
'I've been through a lot in the past two or three years, and there's a lot that people don't know.'
'Sometimes I think I get kind of lonely because you don't open the gate up that much, you know I mean?' she continues.
'You're guarded. You have to be that way, so I'm kind of stuck in this place and it's like: How do you deal? And you just cope, and that's what I do. I just cope with it, every day.'

Sometimes I wonder if I'm partially to blame for this climate of cruelty and harassment.   I look inside myself and thi… wait a second.  Look at that.  It's like a shammy, it's like a towel, it's like a sponge.  It’s for the house, the car, the boat, the RV.  IT does the work!  Why do I wanna work twice as hard?  I have got to order one of those later.  What?  20 MINUTES!?!?  AHHH!  I GOTTA GO!!!

(commercial for the show after the jump)



STUFF FROM ALL OVER

By brendon October 09, 2008 @ 1:24 PM

OBAMA IS THE BIG WINNER – the breasts of CH readers still have time to endorse a candidate for president, but good luck being more persuasive than this.  I would vote for the BTK killer if this girl told me too.

NICK NOLTE BURNED HIS HOUSE DOWN – actually this doesn’t say he burned his house down, but c’mon, its Nick Nolte.  We're all adults here.  Can we all just act like adults.  He did that shit.  

CHARLIZE THERON LOST A CASE – Charlize Theron lost a judgment to the watch company Raymond Weil, who paid her to wear their watches and their watches only.  Charlize apparently did not do that, and now Weil is asking for 20 million dollars.  In a related story, Raymond Weil just makes up numbers.  Always a good sign for a watchmaker.

DJ AM POSTER SEEMS INAPPROPRIATE
– as Defamer correctly points out, doesn’t this poster look like a flame is kicking up to the left of DJ AM?  The might as well say, “He’s really been on fire lately…”



THIS BETTER NOT BE IT

By brendon October 09, 2008 @ 12:10 PM

The Daily Mail and a few others have a look at the cover of W magazine, the mag with pictures of Angelina Jolie breastfeeding.  I'm assuming the sexier ones are inside.  I'll be pretty disappointed if I took all my clothes off for this. 

(100 Tyler Dollars and much thanks to everyone who sent this in)



PRETTY SURE THIS IS ILLEGAL

By brendon October 09, 2008 @ 10:20 AM

At her concert last night in New York City, Madonna said she would kick Sarah Palins ass if she didn't, "get off my street". Whatever the hell that means. Madonna owns the street now, I guess.  She did this of course because she thinks Sarah Palins beliefs are ridiculous. Keep in mind that Madonna wears a magic piece of red sting on her wrist to ward off evil spirits, and she believes in spells that can manipulate the laws of nature. I don't know exactly what Sarah Palin is into, but I'll bet you dollars to donuts it's no dumber than wizardry and enchanted yarn. 

ANGELINA BREASTFEEDING PICTURES?

By brendon October 09, 2008 @ 8:46 AM

Do you see what I did there?  I was all like, Angelina Breastfeeding Pictures, Question Mark.  Does that mean there are Angelina Jolie breastfeeding pictures?  And are they candid’s or professionally done?  Let’s read the rest of the post together and find out!

It's true! Sources who've seen the photos confirm exclusively to Life & Style that Angelina Jolie really did pose for the cover story of W magazine while breast-feeding!
"Angelina posed for Brad [Pitt] in one of the photos while breast-feeding," the source reveals to Life & Style. "It's really beautiful and tastefully done."
"The photos are amazing," adds a second source.
Brad shot the photos in mid-August at Chateau Miraval, the family's home in the South of France. They're scheduled to appear in W's November issue, hitting newsstands on Oct. 21.

Oh good.  So now I’m gonna get an erection while looking at pictures of a baby.  Fantastic.  That’s a good trail to go down.  That’s a good association to have in my head.  Babies = sexual arousal.  Thanks Angelina.  Back to the point at hand, I couldn’t find any pictures of her where she looked like she was breastfeeding, but here’s one where a horse licks her tits.  So the W pics will probably look like that, except with less bestiality.

HEF TALKS ABOUT HOLLY, GND

By brendon October 09, 2008 @ 7:13 AM

Hugh Hefner is speaking out for the first time about his split from his main girlfriend, "Girls Next Door" star Holly Madison.  Us magazine says…

"I had planned to spend the rest of my life with Holly," Hefner exclusively told Usmagazine.com.  After the break-up, "I was road kill a couple of weeks ago," he said.  One persistent strain in the relationship was Holly's desire to have children.  "We tried to have a baby earlier this year and it didn't work out," he said. "She became very depressed."

I don’t really care about this either, because everything Hef said was on Tyler (exclusively) three weeks ago. (I also beat TMZ by a day about the breakup, despite what they say here)  But this does present an opportunity to post the first naked pictures of his new twin girlfriends, candid’s taken at the mansion.  They’re not super beautiful, but Hef is 82 and he's sticking it to 19-year-old twins.  Here’s a complete list of people cooler than Hugh Hefner:

1. Batman