lady gaga is unimpressed

By brendon September 10, 2009 @ 5:05 PM

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Has everyone heard of this South African distance runner named Caster Semenya? She won a gold medal in Berlin last month at the World Championships, and once she became the center of attention, it started to occur to people that she looked like a man. Oh and there’s good reason for that, according to a late breaking report in todays Daily News.

The 18-year-old South African champ has no womb or ovaries and her testosterone levels are more than three times higher than those of a normal female.
According to a source with knowledge of the tests, Semenya has internal testes – the male sexual organs that produce testosterone.

I don’t think we should celebrate peoples differences because more often than not those “differences” creep me out or annoy me, and girls with penises would very very definitely be on both lists. There has to be some kind of island that we could send people like her and Lady GaGa to. A resort where they won’t be judged, won’t be made fun of, from the day they’re born until death. It would be like summer camp all year long. A “death camp”, if you catch my drift.

paula abdul is “stunned” at being replaced on american idol.

By brendon September 10, 2009 @ 3:04 PM

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Even though UHQ copies of Audrina Patridges Maxim cover are now available (ta-da), and Playmate Suzanne Stokes went to a club in Hollywood last night in a toddlers dress, this story still won’t be sexy because it’s actually about Paula Abdul and Ellen DeGeneres. The pictures were just a trick to get you this far. Deal with it.

Paula Abdul was stunned at being permanently replaced on American Idol by Ellen DeGeneres … “Privately, Paula is very upset. She’s never going to admit it publicly but this stung,” said a source close to the Fox situation.  Even though publicly Paula has not even hinted that she might return to the show, privately she still believed a last-minute deal could be worked out, but Fox execs had already moved on.

Hahaha, you suck Paula! What dimension does this goofy bitch live in where inanimate objects are somehow hard to replace or deserve million dollar salaries.  If ‘Idol’ misses Paulas contribution, they can just pump a tank of nitrous into Ellens dressing room then lock her in a dryer for an hour.

(hq jump here. story source = radar. image source = splash)

youll never believe whos fighting

By brendon September 10, 2009 @ 2:19 PM

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Remember that interview Lindsay did with E! back in March? This one. It was when she said all this:

“(People) need to stop saying (Sam and I are) fighting.
“I’m really a good person and I have a good heart and just want to work. The only reason I go to clubs is to hear Samantha spin or be normal.”
“I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs and I don’t lie.
“My past is my past … I’m not the same person and I don’t make the same mistakes.
“If people would just leave my personal life alone then I could land a great role. But all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting.”

Awesome right? Anyway, Lindsay clubbed up until around 6am this morning, then stumbled around looking drunk and fought with her girlfriend on her very public twitter page. Other than that she didn’t look bad. Normally she looks dehydrated, like her skin would be real tough. Like a turtle out of its shell, or maybe she was set on fire at one point but quickly put out.

morning headlines

By brendon September 10, 2009 @ 12:23 PM

The Thursday morning headlines are hosted by this sexy ass German guy who shuffles around in a circle for over 5 minutes to ‘Sunshine’ by alex M.O.R.P.H. At the 3 minute mark, just when you think things are starting to cool down, the music kicks back up and his hot moves go right along with it. I actually went and bought some panties just so I could throw them at the screen as I squealed with delight.

BRAD PITT – spent $82,000 on a custom home for the family (brace yourself) gerbils. To be fair, it’s not that the gerbil house is that fancy, they just had to add a bunch of locks and monitors so Zahara wouldn’t have a flashback and eat them. (the enquirer)

KATHERINE HEIGL – is adopting a 10-month-old “special needs” girl from Korea. It may seem nice of her to adopt a kid like that, but her diabolical ass probably just wanted a retarded one so when she forgets to feed it or leaves it in a hot car she can tell the cops, “it was fucked up like that when I got it.” (star)

NICOLE RICHIE – gave birth to a son yesterday, and just in case having her and Joel Madden for parents wasn’t embarrassing enough, they named him ‘Sparrow James Midnight Madden’. Or as he’ll be known in the 6th grade, “That Kid Lying Face Down In The Mud And Clutching His Stomach In Pain.” (us.com)

mummies with hoop earings, pt 2

By brendon September 10, 2009 @ 11:49 AM

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Sarah Jessica Parker filmed more 80′s flashback scenes for the ‘Sex and the City’ sequel yesterday (just like Kim Cattrall the day before), despite the fact that she looks 95 years old, I don’t give a fuck how many bangle bracelets you put on her. This movies got some balls. You might as well put antlers on a pig and call it a deer. At least they had the good sense to hold back on the Madonna-style crucifix. Any religous stuff on someone this weathered and ugly would just make her look like some kind of demon hunter.

(17 more here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

Ellen has joined American Idol

By brendon September 09, 2009 @ 11:05 PM

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Ellen DeGeneres is a mean-spirited ungrateful bitch who many, many people in Hollywood genuinely despise (more on that here). She also has no practical experience in the music industry. Combine these two things and it only makes sense that she’s been named the fourth judge on ‘American Idol’. I’m lying of course. What. The fuck.

DeGeneres will sit alongside Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi and offer her own unique perspective to the contestants throughout the competition,” Fox television says in a statement.
DeGeneres, 51, begins her stint after the audition rounds, which have featured a rotating group of celebrity guest judges including Shania Twain, Victoria Beckham, Mary J. Blige, Joe Jonas and Kristin Chenoweth.

All 5 of the people on that list would have been a better choice, and I don’t even know who 2 of them are. There is literally no one on earth that would have been this bad. If someone stood next to you and acted the way she does, with her annoying dancing and embarrassingly stupid jokes, you’d call the fucking cops.

porn stars are famous, right?

By brendon September 09, 2009 @ 7:02 PM

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Porn star Jenna Haze is in Hawaii this week wearing a scandalous little bikini. I’m a sweet boy, so I had to search around and it seems “porn” is what they call movies that primarily focus on men and women making love. I ran a search on this young lady and after reading several positive reviews, discovered a featured simply titled ‘Gangbang Auditions’.

The movie was okay (I figured out the ending pretty early on) but the title was a little deceptive. There was like 10 penises inside of her at once, so it was pretty obvious she already got the job as ‘Girl being Gangbanged’. How is this an “Audition”? I was all like, um, hello.

(5 more pictures here. hq jump here. source = splash news online and pacific coast)

audrina patridge is the winner

By brendon September 09, 2009 @ 5:33 PM

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Audrina Patridge is the cover girl for the October issue of ‘Maxim’, and it’s good to see her doing more photoshoots mostly naked because her body is ridiculous. I’ve been pleading with her to do more of this for years. In hindsight I regret killing her pets to let her know I was done being polite, but love is funny like that sometimes.