Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez spent another day in Hawaii yesterday, and at this point that Latin ass has become too much for him to take and he’s spending every waking moment tryin to tap that. And he’s a little faggot but who could blame him. She must be tight as a drum. Her kitty must be like a vice. You could put a vibrator in her and it use it like a handle. Grab the end sticking out and swing her around by it.
British actress Sasha Jackson isn’t a big star in Hollywood yet, but she’s really skinny with big breasts and that sexy accent so I feel like she should be. It’s not like acting is hard for Christs sake. Someone thinks up some words for you to say, and then you say them. And you don’t even have to memorize the words. If you’re too dumb for that they’ll write them on a card for you and then all you have to do is read them out loud. And if you can’t even do that right, that’s fine too, because we’ll just stand here all day and wait for you. You get unlimited chances at reading the words out loud. Imagine that you were a waiter, and you were supposed to bring a Coke to a customer, and someone went and got you a Coke and handed it to you but somehow you still managed to bring the customer a Sprite. Perhaps because, on your own, you decided a Sprite would be better. So then the whole restaurant just sat there and waited for you to try again. And the next time you brought out a knife. So everyone sat there and waited for you to try again. And the next time you went to the freezer instead of the dining room. So everyone sat there and waited for you to try again. And this went on for 6 hours, with everyone patiently waiting for you to do something any retarded toddler could manage. That’s what being an actor is like. So why the hell do we put up with so many ugly actresses with small breasts and no sexy accents. This is complete bullshit.
(image source of Sasha yesterday in Malibu = pacific coast)
Allegedly. I probably should have included the word “allegedly” in the headline but it’s not as dramatic that way.
To recap: January Jones is pregnant but won’t say who the father is, and the reason she’s being such a good girl is because the guy is married and they had an affair while filming ‘X-Men: First Class’.
Well, word on the street is that the father is director Matthew Vaughn, who has been married to Claudia Schiffer since 2002, and seemingly happily so since they have 3 kids together, including one just last year.
In the headline and below are pictures of Claudia this morning in London. After that are January last night at the fancy ‘X-Men’ red carpet premiere in New York. I would have included a picture of January and Matthew together, but he didn’t go. He didn’t go to the premiere of his own movie. That’s mildly suspicious. But if he’s in London with his wife, this will look way better in the police report when January has a little “accident”.
Even before Lindsay Lohan was officially sentenced in her felony theft trial, she went and registered to begin her community service. It was a sure sign that she had changed and things would be different this time, as long as you ignore the fact that this is what she does every single time before a sentencing to trick the judge.
And once again a judge bought her bullshit and went easy on her. Then, instead of going back to actually start her community service, she went to Miami and hung out on the beach. And today she reported to begin her 120 day jail sentence.
After that, naturally, she went home. Because the end result of all of this, all the cocaine and DUI’s and kidnapping and carjacking and violating probation and lying to judges and police, is 14 days of house arrest. Then she’ll be released due to prison overcrowding, even though, to repeat, she’s not actually in prison.
Us magazine says…
Lindsay Lohan began serving her house arrest Thursday morning after turning herself in to authorities.
The 24-year-old actress arrived at Lynwood Jail at 5:02 a.m. to check in, where she was fitted with an electronic ankle bracelet. She was then sent home to her townhouse in Venice, Calif.
This is so wildly offensive, I honestly don’t even want to think about it. The only way her house arrest will be satisfying is if it ends the same way Anne Franks did.
UPDATE: aww god dammit. ok so i screwed up some dates in the original post. its fixed now. people do realize its just me here, right? so when i screw things up there’s no one to tell me that until i publish and look like an asshole.
Remember when Khloe Kardashian got married, and there was leaked audio from her wedding with the producers of ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ telling her what to say and do the whole time?
Oh. You don’t remember that? Oh well pardon me your majesty.
Point being, now Kim Kardashian is engaged, and she stands to make millions from it, and with that kind of money at stake you can’t wait until your wedding to start choreographing everything so it looks better on TV. Like her 2 million dollar, 20.5 carat engagement ring for example. Was that a touching gesture of love or the one that tested best with focus groups? Oh you’ll never guess.
…one question is looming: how the heck did Kris Humphries afford a $2M ring?
Sure, Humphries makes a lot of money as an NBA player. His salary is $3.2M. In his six year career, he has brought in a total of $17M.
If you’re thinking that he could have been saving for years, think again – the couple has been dating for a mere 6 months.
In all likelihood, the E! network may have contributed toward the ring’s fee or at least secured a discount with the jeweler, Lorraine Schwartz.
So this romantic proposal was preceded by meetings at E! headquarters, and then a plan was hatched and numbers were crunched and scripts were written. How touching! It’s like a fairy tale from olden days!
(see what I did there?)
‘Sex and Zen 3D: Extreme Ecstasy’ has finally secured a distribution deal in the US, after breaking box office records around the world. And not just records against movies where a good review includes the phrase “cum soaked”. Against real movies like ‘Avatar’, and beating movies like ‘Scream 4′ and ‘Fast Five’.
The Hollywood Reporter says…
China Lion bought “the world’s first 3D erotic film” – whose cast includes Japanese porn stars — after seeing its Hong Kong opening day gross of $351,000 beat the record set by ‘Avatar’ and watching the film sell out its entire first week in Hong Kong.
Both Australia and New Zealand censors let ‘Sex and Zen 3D’ screen uncut with an R18 rating.
(In Australia), ‘Sex’ took in $600,000 on nine screens for a per-screen average of $67,000, more than six times the per screen average of ‘Scream 4′.
In six weeks, ‘Sex’ has made $1.1 million, $122,000 per screen, beating the ‘Fast 5′ per screen average of $114,000.
In New Zealand, ‘Sex’ had an opening week per screen average of $24,000, matching the per screen take of ‘Pirates of Caribbean: On Stranger Tides’.
I love Asian girls and I love porn, so I was very pleasantly surprised by the trailer. As long as a musket has the only balls flying toward the screen, this should be fine.
After reports that Ronnie and the Situation got into a fight Monday night while filming season 3 of ‘Jersey Shore’ in Florence, it was a welcome relief to see the two of them out for a walk yesterday, and that the Situation was just as handsome as ever. Although he looked a little meek. Like a battered wife. Two seconds after this he no doubt said, “I’m sorry I made you yell at me, Ronnie.”
(image source = inf)
Just because Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper got creeped out by Jennifer Anistons needy desperation doesn’t mean all guys will. Maybe some guys find obsessive clinginess attractive. If she finds a guy like that, she’ll be all set, because god knows she doesn’t think there’s any other way to date.
Jen Aniston is trying to keep it on the DL, but she’s secretly dating Justin Theroux.
“Jen is totally into him,” a source tells Us Weekly. “They have been hanging out for months.”
The two started off as pals and costars on the set of Wanderlust. But lately Theroux, 39, and Aniston, 42, are inseparable.
“She wants to be with him all the time,” the source adds. “She’s diving in headfirst.”
Oh, gosh. Jennifer is “diving in headfirst.” Now there’s a surprise. The fact that this guy is still around must mean she’s gained at least some self control and he didn’t come back from the bathroom on their first date to find her in a wedding dress.