Jessica Simpson is quoted in the Times magazine (whatever the hell that is) saying that her ex husband Nick Lachey … ummm … lets see … how to sugarcoat this … has virtually no penis. Yeah, turns out there’s no way to sugarcoat that.. Jessica says:
"Nick didn't pack too well if you know what I mean, but I got over it."
And two days ago, she is quoted as saying:
"Nick's small package was a problem sometimes, like the first time we had sex, to tell you the truth, I didn't really feel much, I faked the whole thing, I really felt sorry for him, I still loved him though."
When asked about this, a top mental health doctor said, “Nick should probably kill himself. We rarely recommend that, but, seriously, she said she couldn't feel anything." This is also another reason I desperately want to sleep with Jessica Simpson. I'd be following an infant. She'll think I'm huge, almost no matter what. Whereas if I was about to have sex with Paris Hilton, I would tie a rope around my waist . Have someone on the other end, work out some kind of code. Two pulls on the rope means I'm in danger, one means I need more air, that sort of thing. And when I yell "on belay" he needs to tighten up.
