Win more Katy Perry tickets now

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 2:12 PM

v festival chelmsford day two 5 230809 Okay so I have 8 tickets to see Katy Perry, live at the Hollywood Palladium this Saturday night. But I’m no good at thinking up contests. Let’s just do this: I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. The first 4 who get it get 2 tix each. Email what it might be to the new contact address: brendon@whatwouldtyler.com

Or if you’re a hot girl just send topless pictures. Of course I won’t hold my breath because I’ve been doing this damn site for 4 years and never once has a girl sent me topless pictures. Is Tyler blocked everywhere except for Mormon math camps or something, jesus christ.

UPDATE – 2 down, 6 to go.

UPDATE – 4 down, 4 to go.  And stop guessing 69 ya fukkin perverts.

UPDATE – I swear to you, its not 69.  God you people are filthy.

UPDATE – 6 down, 2 to go.  Maybe the number has changed to 69 now.  Try guessing that a hundred more times. Maybe I thought it was something else.

UPDATE – 47.  it was 47.  another good number is 0.  that’s how many pictures came in. is it just prisoners reading this. do you people not have phones.

Megan Fox is Catwoman

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 12:48 PM

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First of all yes obviously that’s not Catwoman. But there’s no fake Megan Fox picture where she’s Catwoman in body paint and a skirt that doesn’t cover anything (glorious NSFW hq here). So this may be as close as we get, even though the Sun is reporting today that Megan has been cast by Christopher Nolan for his third Bat Man movie.

These are the same people who said Eddie Murphy had been cast as the Riddler back in December. Both things are 100 percent not true. There’s no script, no story, no villains, no casting other than the ones who have been in the first two.

Of course if Nolan does go with Catwoman, Fox would be perfect. Maybe too perfect. You would see me walking out of the theater two months after it premiered with a big long beard and real emaciated, cringing under the sunlight as my now mole-like pink skin starts to smoke.

Can you do anything right?

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 11:09 AM

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Jessica Simpsons unique ability to never do anything right (or more likely her dads) has struck paydirt once again with the debut of her new perfume. Fancy Love? Are you fcuking serious? It sounds like a black stripper. And not a good one, by the way. One too fat to pole dance so she just goes to the front of the stage and puts one hand behind her head and the other on her hip and thrusts her vagina at you like some kind of threat. One with c-section scars who works in a club called CinnaBuns near the airport.

So way to go Jess, Good luck with this.

Chris Brown was violent before

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 10:41 AM

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When Chris Brown was sentenced yesterday to 5 years’ probation and 6 months’ of community service for beating Rihanna on February 8th, the judge also refused Rihannas request to strike down the order demanding Brown stay at least 300 yards away from her at all times. Equally surprising was that the judge confirmed reports that Brown had been violent before. The Daily Mail says…

A probation report prepared for Tuesday’s sentencing describes two previous incidents … the first happened about three months before the February beating while the couple was traveling in Europe; Rihanna slapped Brown during an argument, and he shoved her into a wall.
In the second instance, Brown allegedly broke the front and passenger side windows on a Range Rover they were driving while visiting Barbados. Neither attack was reported, the probation report states.

I realize that some people will look at those two instances and suggest they’re no big deal because he didn’t actually hit her on those occasions, and I think that’s a pretty good way to judge how much of an asshole this guy is, because it means the simple act of not punching a girl has somehow become commendable.

(hq jump here. source = splash news online)

MICHAEL JACKSON IS ALIVE! MAYBE!

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 9:30 AM

If you don’t know, and really why would you, KTLA is the CW affiliate in Los Angeles. They carry all the Clipper games and used to carry the Dodgers and one of the news anchors dates the mayor. A real station, is my point. And they thought enough of this video to put it on their site. It reportedly shows Michael Jackson, alive and well, when he is supposed to be the opposite of that.

Is it real? You’re goddam right it is. A black man got into the White House and Michael saw his chance, now the government spin machine is distracting us with bread and circuses while he slips out the back. You can’t afford to be this naive, brother!

Afternoon Headlines

By brendon August 25, 2009 @ 4:32 PM

Jon Gosselin And Kids Selling Lemonade 2 (No France, No Germany,

JOHN GOSSELIN – filmed scenes today for “John and Kate Plus 8″ where the adorable kids sell lemonade to raise money for a fire station and he wears a shirt that says “Lies Lies Lies…”. “Because screw those kids,” John probably thought to himself. ” It’s not ’8 Plus John’. Me me me!”

CHRIS BROWN – will be sentenced today, at 2pm pct, after pleading guilty to assaulting Rihanna. He’s expected to get 180 days of community service and 5 years of probation. This was unexpectedly moved from Thursday to today to avoid a media circus. I’d be great at that sort of thing. I’m quick witted, and I’m so pretty I really don’t even need makeup.

LINDSAY LOHAN – I actually had a dream about her (seen here jewelry shopping yesterday) last night where a bunch of people were doing some financial intervention, including me and the mayor of New York who appeared to be the black guy from Fringe. The words haven’t been invented yet to explain how depressing this was. I really gotta get laid.

See Katy Perry, live, for free

By brendon August 25, 2009 @ 4:31 PM

v festival chelmsford day two 5 230809

So Buzznet, the international conglomerate of websites and defense contractors who will tell you they’re just an urban legend if you investigate them, has used their iron hand to prove they can throw together major concerts on a whim, in this case, Katy Perry at the Hollywood Palladium this Saturday night. And to prove money means nothing to them, they’re giving away free tickets. Do this to get them:

- Send the following twitter message from your twitter account:
I want to see @katyperry at the Hollywood Palladium on 8/29 presented by @soundsofbuzz and Coca-Cola
- Show up with proof (on your phone, print out, etc) to Space15Twenty on 8/25 at 2:00 pm. Get in line. The first 100 people will be given a cold coca-cola and a pair of tickets to Katy Perry.
- Space15Twenty is located on 1520 N. Cahuenga Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90028

I would do what Buzznet says if I were you.  Ryan Jenkins found out the truth, look what they did to him.

(hq jump to katy and her huge jugs here.  source = splash news online and wenn)

This is not helping

By brendon August 25, 2009 @ 3:15 PM

Protesters Attending Topless Rally In Venice Beach 2

The people organizing this rally in Venice, CA., to legalize topless beaches in America (pics after the cut) have a lot to learn about marketing. There was only one chick you would want to see topless (this one) the rest shouldn’t even be allowed to go topless at home in the shower with the lights out. Like this doughnut-based life-form visiting our planet in her snazzy wheelchair. It’s important to point out that she’s not actually handicapped. Here she is standing. She just can’t walk more than few steps without her feet and heart begging for mercy. She simultaneously managed to set back the cause of toplessness and fatties.

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