O HAI MISCHA BARTON

By brendon September 18, 2008 @ 8:21 AM

If you click on the Mischa Barton tag below here, you’ll notice every single post is about her getting drunk or high or flashing her tits or her cellulite.  There’s nothing about her winning awards or teaching black kids to swim.  What a coincidence.  That every single post would be bad.  Because she’s such an amazing woman.

WOULD YOU HIT IT

By brendon September 18, 2008 @ 8:20 AM

Would you hit this?  This is apropos of nothing but I didn't get to be the silverback of blogers by shying away from controversy.  You have to follow the link and see the whole pic to see why I ask.  I would but I'm charmingly old fashioned.  And by that I mean she's cute and has awesome tits so whatever. 

HAHAHA, YOU SUCK MADONNA

By brendon September 18, 2008 @ 7:49 AM

Madonna is on tour in Portugal today, and in Lisbon the other night she showed why she’s still a world-class entertainer. You may have seen old ladies dress age inappropriate and scratch their back against a wall and then fall down before, but never with this level of showmanship. 

AUBREY O’DAY IS A PERVERT

By brendon September 18, 2008 @ 6:14 AM

These pictures in Complex magazine go with a pretty amazing interview where Aubrey talks about having sex on her period and making sex tapes, and says things like, "I watched her (Jenna Jameson) before she was my BFF, I don’t watch her anymore. I was actually masturbating one night to, like, Anal Sex Compilation #3 or whatever, and she was in it and I was like, Oh no! I had to turn it off."  That’s the good news.  The bad news is that the pictures are kind of small.  Although even that has it's advantages as they make my penis look bigger in comparison.  I'm tall so sometimes I wonder if my penis looks its size relative to my height.  Because of that I don’t think we should say how big we are in inches, but instead say how much it weighs.  Or how much water it displaces.  I rarely know what the hell I’m talking about, by the way.

KATE HUDSON WAS A MESS

By brendon September 17, 2008 @ 2:08 PM

Kate Hudson was a wobbly mess last night on her way to a London hotel.  Splash doesn’t say if they thought she was drunk or not, but for her sake I hope she was.  She was either drunk or there’s a grapefruit sized tumor on whatever it is that normally controls your balance.  She walks like someone put a baby giraffe on ice skates and then pushed it.

STUFF FROM ALL OVER

By brendon September 17, 2008 @ 11:31 AM

BAR RAFAELI IS SINGLE – Bar and Leo DiCaprio are off again.  Now on again.  Now off.  Now on.  Wee, this is fun!

I'LL DO WHATEVER THE NAKED GIRLS TELL ME TO DO – these topless girls seem to think I can be swayed by writing a presidential candidates name on their chest.  These topless girls are 100 percent correct.

OBAMA MADE 9 MILLION IN HOLLYWOOD LAST NIGHT – a dinner party hosted by Barbara Streisand and attended by Will Ferrell, Jodie Foster, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jamie Lee Curtis, Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and Jeffrey Katzenberg raised millions for the Democratic candidate.  McCain spent the night in Vienna, Ohio, without any Hollywood stars at all.  What a loser. 

"HONKEY? THAT’S RACIST" – the red band trailer for "Role Models" has like 50 curse words in under a minute.  It’s really quite remarkable.

I SWEAR TO YOU – it's important you know that this picture of Shia LaBeuf hasn’t been altered in any way.



EVERYTHING IS FINE

By brendon September 17, 2008 @ 11:03 AM

Lynne Spears was on the Today show this morning to clear up some rumors about her inept parenting. Um, it didn’t help. At one point Al Roker asks her if she is through the storm, as the name of the book implies. And Lynne nods and smiles and says, "Oh yes, we are through the storm and looking at the sunshine right now." See? Everything is fine! She has two girls and they’re both fuckups, but that was in the past. Weeks ago. Having kids and going to psyche wards was just a trend, like slap bracelets. 

SCARLETT IS NICE – UPDATE

By brendon September 17, 2008 @ 11:01 AM

People magazine says that Scarlett Johansson is in Rwanda today to hopefully raise awareness of the AIDS epidemic, which is still the leading cause of death of Africa.  Actually I just made up.  But I bet it's pretty bad.  For the record, the leading cause of death in Africa is listed as, "Tiger".

"It was important for me to come here and see the issues we're up against firsthand," Johansson says in a statement. "I came here with an open mind, wanting to listen, understand and learn; I leave with the overwhelming understanding that the small action of making a (RED) choice in your purchases … has an enormous impact on the lives of people in countries like Rwanda."

I would do more stuff like this but I turns out I don’t want to.  I'm not here to help.  And I don’t appreciate Scarlett making me look bad.  I hope one of those stupid kids bites her and gives her some terrfying disease.  Then for treatment they’ll have her go ask the villages wise lion for advice and he’ll say something about choices and doing the right thing.  Let’s see how wonderful she thinks Africa is then.

UPDATE – now with a more relevant picture, courtesy the people at RED.  to donate or learn more, you can visit the site here.