kim has a black eye

By brendon November 04, 2009 @ 4:43 PM

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Last month the Kardashian family agreed to auction off boxing matches to raise money for the Dream Foundation, a charity that grants final wishes to terminally ill patients. But I’m pretty sure they got tricked.

When you hear how things went, this sounds more like someone had an extremely successful plan to beat up all the Kardashians, because she was left with a black eye and her younger brother was beaten unconscious.

On her website, Kim writes…

“The event itself was absolutely insane!! We literally had three days of training to prepare for the event and thought it would be a little bit of fun to raise money for one of our favorite charities. We didn’t expect what happened.
When Rob stepped in the ring to fight, his opponent was at least 25 lbs heavier than him, even though the organization had assured us that they were screening the people we were fighting against. At one point Rob’s mask fell off and when he put his hands down he got hit in the face and ended up in hospital with a concussion.”

There’s something weird about this. Look how happy Kim looks in her cute pink outfit and her big pillowy gloves. Now look at her opponent. Kim boxes like she’s doing the dog paddle, while the monster in black seems to be under the impression that Kim killed her kids then dyed this outfit with their blood. I don’t know what evil genius orchestrated all this, I just pray they don’t turn on me next.

(source = splash news online)

angelina has a new movie

By brendon November 04, 2009 @ 3:21 PM

It’s been mentioned before, but Nicole Kidman was originally cast and even did some filming as Brad Pitts wife in ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’. Then she got hurt, dropped out, Catherine Zeta Jones said no, and Angelina Jolie was cast.

‘Salt’ was written for a male lead and was about to film with Tom Cruise as the star before he had to drop out. Then Angelina said she would do it, and the producers pretended not to stare at her tits as they squealed with delight.

The point to this is that Hollywood is run by fuckin retards. Even though this bootleg ‘Salt’ trailer is in Russian, Jolie is perfect. Kidman would have sucked as Mrs. Smith. You don’t need to be a spy to kick her ass, you just need to be a sunny day. Tom Cruise is 30 inches tall. You could just throw a blanket over him, or take his gun and put it on the top shelf. Angelina however probably could kick my ass, mostly because I would cum in my pants while we were wrestling.

(picture source = wenn and splash news online)

nicole kidman: “I’ve explored strange sexual fetish stuff…”

By brendon November 04, 2009 @ 1:38 PM

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It’s nice to see that the foppish dandies who run GQ over in England are just as snooty and dim witted as the ones over here in the Colonies.  Nicole Kidman usually gives boring interviews because she’s a dullard, but in this one she actually hinted at something interesting. “Well that’s enough of that,” the GQ reporter thought to himself. “A big star and her sex fetishes?  Boooor-ing!”

The Daily Mail says…

But in one of her most revealing-ever interviews, Nicole Kidman let slip how her experiences of love ranged from ‘mundane’ marriage to ‘strange sexual fetish stuff’.
The 42-year-old actress, currently married to country singer Keith Urban, said her life had been about exploring different types of love.
‘I’ve explored obsession. I’ve explored loss and love in terms of being in a grief-stricken place, I’ve explored strange sexual fetish stuff, I’ve explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy,’ she said.

And that’s the last we hear of any sex talk.  Not that Nicole Kidman is so great or anything, but if she had a hot Asian girl shoving things into her ass while Tom sat in the corner and cried, I wanna hear about it.  Even if she didn’t do that I wanna hear about it.  In fact, if Nicole Kidman could make up a bunch of super detailed lesbian sex stories, that would really help me out.

(theres like a hundred screencap pics of kidman getting naked in ‘eyes wide shut’ here.  if you save them then click fast enough, it’s like a movie)

wwtdd.com news/updates

By brendon November 04, 2009 @ 12:20 PM

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K, so talking about the page on the page seems pretentious and stupid, so I’m putting it all under the cut. And to bribe you into reading all that, at the end there’s a short collection of pictures celebrating September Playmate Kimberly Phillips and her unthinkably perfect ass. I call dibs!

Read more >

holy shit!

By brendon November 04, 2009 @ 12:18 PM

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I like Radar Online more than TMZ because Radar doesn’t blatantly steal content from me like TMZ does, so I’m glad they’re the one who got this exclusive audio of Lindsay in the middle of a complete break down.

This clip of her on the phone comes from her dad of course, who says he’s releasing this as proof of Lindsays fragile mental state. It’s somehow supposed to persuade her to go to rehab, although it’s not clear how piling more pressure on someone already on the edge helps in any way. If you were standing between a big mean bear and her cub, Michael Lohan would say, “okay now whack the bear cub with a stick. Okay now call it a fag. I think this will help.”

As the tape begins, someone says “Go to sleep bitch. Die motherfucker die.” But that’s because I left my iTunes on and the Em song ‘Go To Sleep’ was playing. Once I turned that off, Lindsay says,

“I’m not someone who is gonna go to someone else when they’re like, constantly (inaudible) the only person that they’re there for and that’s not what I have, and I want to so much.
(after this she cries uncontrollably for about 5 seconds)
“Just ‘cause they’re caring more than the other side. And so mommy says that I’m like you were, and then she’s like, defending, and so she says to me on the phone, she doesn’t back me, she doesn’t stand by me.”
(after this she again cries loudly)
Why?
Why?
I’m fine.
No one cares about me. They don’t by the way. No one cares about that much.
It’s never about that. It’s about how they feel, not how I feel.
No, it’s not about me. It’s never about me. Unless I fight for it.

To be honest I have no idea WTF she’s talking about. When someone is crying uncontrollably on the phone it’s hard to know what they’re trying to say. At least that’s what girls tell me after they turn me down for a second date and I beg them for another chance. Don’t do this! I can change! Please … I love you!

tuesday afternoon headlines

By brendon November 03, 2009 @ 7:01 PM

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TAYLOR SWIFT AND KANYE WEST – are an awesome costume that I bet more people wish they had thought of. And yes we were supposed to be done with Halloween pictures but I didn’t count on finding this one. Or this one of a ridiculously hot girl dressed as a Playboy bunny. Know what else I didn’t count on? Falling in love. (college humor)

RIHANNA – says she was humiliated when the picture of her with cuts and bruises on her face after being beaten by Chris Brown leaked online. Which is silly because that’s not her fault, and it let everyone know what a punk Chris Brown really is. Wearing those big dumb hoop earrings however is her fault, and she needs to knock that shit off. (abc news)

SEAN PENN – is the father of 16-year-old Hopper Penn, who was arrested at his Malibu school last week. Because Hooper is a minor police won’t say what he did. So let’s start telling people he joined al qaeda. “Hey did you hear Sean Penns son is in al qaeda? Oh I know! What a piece of shit that punk is. Let’s go throw rocks and bottles at his dad!” (wonderwall)

MARIAH CAREY – almost fell down as she walked out as a guest on the Jay Leno show yesterday. But then she didn’t, as you can see in this video. I’ve never seen such agility. She’s like a gazelle. (popeater)

hollywood really loves weed

By brendon November 03, 2009 @ 5:50 PM

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Fox has a list today of famous Hollywood people who have gone on record to say how awesome weed is. They don’t say it like that, they fancy it all up, but that’s what they mean. Among others on the list:

Megan Fox: “I’ve done drugs. I didn’t enjoy anything other than marijuana. I don’t even think of it as a drug – it should be legalized.”  She’s called on the government to legalize weed on many occasions, saying she would be the “first person in line to buy a pack of joints.”

Brad Pitt: During an appearance on ‘Real Time with Bill Maher,’ Maher recalled being at a New Year’s Eve party with Pitt: “You just, all night rolled these perfect joints…the most perfect joints I have ever seen…” Brad shook his head and replied, “I’m an artist.”

Johnny Depp: “Look, I have nothing to hide. I’m not a great pothead or anything like that… but weed is much, much less dangerous than alcohol.”

I’ve never done any drugs and I don’t drink or smoke because I’m such a sweet boy, but weed should still be legal because I hate the government and fuck you why can’t you just leave people alone. Unfortunately no one listens to me. I’m pretty much just eye candy around here.

paltrow cant compete with kate bosworth

By brendon November 03, 2009 @ 4:39 PM

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Kate Bosworth gets forgotten about, but she’s terrific. She’s sexy as hell, while at the same time, if she were any cuter she would technically be a panda in a cowboy hat. Gwyneth Paltrow on the other hand is a mean old bitch who looks like a ghost you would see near a Civil War graveyard.

Keeping these two indisputable facts in mind, it’s no wonder that Paltrows husband is cheating on her with Bosworth. Star magazine says…

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” an eyewitness tells Star. “There was Chris (Martin) totally making out with Kate in front of other people. At first I thought it might be Gwyneth, but when she came up for air, it was clear the woman was Kate!”

Despite what you may have heard, sex with a pot-bellied big-toothed ghost leaves a lot to be desired. I don’t know if Martin really is cheating on Paltrow, but yes, Martin is 100 percent really cheating on Paltrow. Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he? She’s a damn monster.

(picture source = pacific coast and getty)