Everyone knows that law enforcement in Los Angeles is completely inept, with their incompetence surpassed only by their laziness, but today it soared to dangerously worthless new heights. Despite being able to watch the crime take place on videotape (here), the DA will not file any charges against anyone, not even Joe Francis, after he grabbed Jayde Nicole by her hair and threw her to the ground.
According to the report, the D.A. supports Joe’s claims that the surveillance video shows that Jayde “appears to have acted without immediate provocation.”
What. In the fuck. Does that mean? “Bitch had it comin”? She poured a drink on him so it’s okay for him to beat her ass? Who’s the DA, Chris Brown?
In conclusion, the D.A. thought “the interests of justice do not support the filing of criminal charges against any of the three suspects.”
A guy walked up behind a woman, grabbed her by the hair, then threw her to the ground. That’s littering at the very least. The cops and DAs in LA are so god damn lazy and stupid it’s terrifying. You can literally watch someone commit a violent crime and nothing is going to be done about it. It would be one thing if Jayde was unattractive, because ugly people aren’t as important or valuable as sexy people like me and Jayde, but she’s gorgeous. Just look at these shorts. And she wears stuff like this all the time. She’s like a beer commercial come to life.
Brooke Hogan went shopping yesterday at Trashy Lingerie in West Hollywood, and either she looks ok/good in these pictures or my sexual dry spell is effecting my judgment. I haven’t been laid in a month. That has to be it. I want to place an ad on craigslist as a “photographer” looking for some hot young models, but first I need to finish renovating the stairs to my basement so they turn into a slide at the push of a button. Scooby Doo made it look a lot easier than it really is.
METALLICA - has offered $50,000 as a reward to help find a girl who went missing after one of their concerts in Virginia. Have they checked the hospitals? Maybe she checked into one to see if they could help with her shitty taste in music. (ap)
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT – has created a new comic book, described as a “horror anthology in the vein of Twilight Zone and Outer Limits”. When asked for a comment, Twilight Zone and Outer Limits said, “hey don’t you dare write that shit in a description. Don’t associate her with us, are you out of your god damn mind? You take that off right now.” (ifanboy)
KATE GOSSELIN – thinks she can be an actress. “I’ve done enough years on TV that I feel like it’s a normal, comfortable, natural place to be. I’d love to be in a movie at some point … I think that would be fun.” This would mean more time away from the kids of course, but most of them are 4, and it’s time for them to grow up. They should be ashamed of themselves for standing in the way of Kates dreams. (people)
BAR REFAELI - headlines the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Portfolio. It’s a book with pictures of girls in bikinis. This was considered hardcore pornography back when the editors of SI were still in their 50s, but now you gotta be god damn kiddin me. Who is gonna buy this? Fancy perverts? Fine, I’ll put on a top hat and extend my pinky as I jack off on it. (more on this behind the cut)
As this video from radar online clearly shows, on August 28th of this year, scumbag Joe Francis stepped up behind perfect angel Jayde Nicole, grabbed her by the hair then flung her to the ground. After that it’s hard to see much, but Jayde – who works with pediatric cancer patients in her spare time – says the pornographer Francis punched and kicked her while she was on the ground.
Why would Joe Francis do this? Well because Jayde was on a murderous rampage and Joes life was at risk. Ah yes of course.
Francis claims he was innocently walking through a crowd of people at “Guys and Dolls” nightclub in Hollywood, when Playboy Playmate Jayde Nicole suddenly struck him in the head, threw a drink on him and stated, “I’m going to kill you!”
Francis claims he was “startled and shocked” — but then he saw Jayde reaching for a bottle. In the docs, Francis claims “in fear and apprehension of being struck a third time and that Nicole was going to carry out her threat to kill him,” Joe grabbed Nicole’s hair in “self-defense.”
Joe claims Nicole fell to the ground — but only because she “lost her balance on her high heels.”
I wish there was some way to determine if Joe was telling the truth. Like a lie-detector test, but more reliable. I think a procedure called “Hit Joe Francis With A Baseball Bat” might work. Essentially, you take a baseball bat, then you hit Joe Francis with it. Then you ask him why he attacked Jayde like that. Of course, this sort of thing wouldn’t be admissible in court, not with all the pussies we have in the government these days.
I’ve never heard of Emanuela de Paula before, but according to google my sources, she’s a 20-year-old model from Brazil, and here we see her posing for Victoria’s Secret in St. Barth yesterday.
In ‘Great Expectations’, Pip said this concerning fate and destiny:
“That was a memorable day for me, for it made great changes in me. But, it is the same way with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different its course would have been.
Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns and flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day.”
I read that on a magnet, and I don’t know what it means, but if it has something to do with me now stalking then having sex with this girl, that would be terrific.
You’re gonna find this very hard to believe, but Amy Winehouse was stumbling around in the streets drunk last night and her ill fitting dress slid down off her new implants. With any normal girl that may be sexy, but not Amy. With Amy it looks more like some kind of cave woman announcing an attack. After this she probably blew into a rams horn then crouched behind her shield/garbage can lid.
Taylor Swift and Jullianne Hough got dirty at Katy Perrys birthday paint party this weekend too, at least that’s what the source for these pictures said. But with all the sexy, Master Race teen girls and that giant swastika, it looks more like a Tuesday night at Anthonys house some alternate universe where Hilter won the war.
I just noticed there’s an Israeli lookin dude in the background over her right shoulder. Uh-oh. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
(11 more starting here. source = pacific coast)
Katy Perry had her 25th birthday party this weekend, and the theme was some kind of paint thing, or more accurately, another excuse for Katy to show off her huge and perfect tits while pretending not to do so.
This chick is annoying. Her body is terrific. I want to see it, she wants to show it, so what the hell is the problem? It’s like she just needs a little push. That’s why I kidnapped her parents last night. Don’t make me kill them!