‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’ has a trailer

By brendon February 13, 2012 @ 3:22 PM

‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’ is a pretty straight forward story about our 16th President, who was fueled by rage and used his super strength and an axe to hunt down vampires after they killed his mom, but as you can see in this new trailer, it does show things like the expansion to the Capitol in progress (even though that didn’t begin until one year after Lincoln was shot in 1850) so be warned that they did take a few liberties with the facts.

eyes up here, Katy Perry

By brendon February 13, 2012 @ 1:36 PM

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Katy Perry wasn’t very subtle when staring at Rihannas chest last night at the Grammy Awards, but luckily Rihanna is slutty so she didn’t mind. Then after this, did Rihanna lick Katys ear, and whisper to let go, to succumb to desire and taste the pleasures of the flesh? Probably, yes.

(image source = getty)

Whitney Houston is easily replaced

By brendon February 13, 2012 @ 12:45 PM

Everyone was really sad last night at the Grammies, just one day after Whitney Houston died, because she was such a special talent and impossible to replace. So to make everyone feel better, Jennifer Hudson sang Whitney’s big hit, “I Will Always Love You”.

That of course is a song that Dolly Parton wrote in 1973, and Hudson sang it every bit as good as she did, so it turns out Whitney is not that special and can be replaced on about 24 hours notice. Whew, what a relief!

Scarlett Johansson is in a bikini, looks like hell

By brendon February 13, 2012 @ 11:27 AM

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Scarlett Johansson and her new boyfriend Nate Naylor spent the weekend in Hawaii, and it was kinda touching to see how grabby Nate was even though Scarlett has cellulite at the age of 27 and looks like hell now. He must really like her. Either that or he’s some kind of sociopath.

(image source = splash)

the kick didn’t wake up Whitney Houston

By brendon February 13, 2012 @ 9:34 AM

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When Whitney Houston was found dead on Saturday at the Beverly Hilton at the age of 48, early reports suggested she may have fallen asleep or blacked out in the bathtub and drowned. Oh but you’ll never guess why she blacked out. Not in a million years.

Whitney Houston’s family was told by L.A. County Coroner officials she did not die from drowning, but rather from what appears to be a combination of Xanax and other prescription drugs mixed with alcohol … this according to family sources (and TMZ).

Which Radar pretty much confirms:

Houston had “a plethora of sedatives including Lorazepam, Valium, Xanax, and a sleeping medication that was found in her hotel room,” a law enforcement source tells us.

So there you go. Whitney Houston got drunk and high and drowned. It’s like if Tyler Perry had made ‘Inception’.

it’s Beyonce and her new baby

By brendon February 10, 2012 @ 8:20 PM

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Having a baby and then auctioning off the first pictures of it to a magazine or tabloid is a tawdry and tasteless thing for celebrities to do. And that’s why people like Jennifer Lopez do it.

Jay Z and Beyonce are clearly above that however, and tonight they posted 5 pictures of their new baby girl Blue Ivy on his website for all to see. For free. And they’re actually pretty god dammed cute, even if she is throwing up a little gang sign in one of them.

Gwyneth Paltrow has some sexy Valentine’s advice

By brendon February 10, 2012 @ 7:38 PM

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Gwyneth Paltrow loves giving advice, especially to people who never asked for it, and so in honor of Valentines Day, she’s written this weeks Goop newsletter specifically for them.

“This week’s newsletter is not for you. It’s for your other half. We’re giving them some tips and tricks on how to please you not just on this holiday, but every day. So, print, cut below on the dotted line and leave it somewhere they can easily find.”

So, yes, as you probably assumed, Gwyneth’s idea of romance is for a guy to follow the list of instructions she gave him.

7AM or before they wake up:
“Surprise them by pre-loading a playlist onto their Ipod with whatever songs are significant to you two. You’ll be on their mind throughout their morning run, commute, etc.”

Yes, she will. He’ll be thinking, “Why was that bitch going through my phone.”

8AM or before they rise:?
Fail-Proof Breakfast in Bed (in 5 Minutes or Less).

Here she suggests making a yogurt parfait or a goat and cheddar cheese omelette. Personally I would wait about 72 hours before having sex with a girl who just ate 5 pounds of dairy, but I’m sort of a prude.

11AM
“Set an alarm on their phone to go off at this time that tells them to check their pocket (where) you have placed either a love note, tickets to a play/movie/event that evening, a gift card to their favorite store, or an address and time of where and when they should meet you for a surprise evening activity of your choice.”

Keep in mind that this tip, where your girlfriend knows to check for further instructions when she hears an alarm, only works if your girlfriend is Jason Bourne.

3PM: Flowers
Here’s a very simple project that goes a little beyond the typical bouquet.
1. Draw 6 – 12 hearts about 2 inches wide on sheets of colored construction paper. Cut out the hearts and make a ½ inch slit on the side of each heart where you can slide a string through. Write a message on the hearts – maybe all the things you love about them, or an invitation to dinner at home. ??

I’m not sure how to tell you this ladies, but if you’re boyfriend is sending romantic notes written on construction paper, he’s probably a child molester.

Lindsay tried to seduce a rich guy, naturally failed

By brendon February 10, 2012 @ 5:56 PM

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The amFAR benefit auction to raise money for AIDS research brought out lots of big Hollywood stars on Wednesday night, but Lindsay Lohan was also there. Not to help a charity of course, but to seduce rich guys into buying her lavish gifts. Specifically a $20,000 Hublot diamond watch with a white alligator strap.

Knowing that these pictures are from that benefit, try and guess how it went.

…when Lohan recognized a wealthy Canadian financier at a nearby table, she shot over to schmooze him — but then sent an assistant over when bidding on the charity auction began.
“After chatting with the businessman, Lindsay sent over an assistant, who said, ‘Lindsay would very much like it if you’d bid on (the watch) as a gift.’ ”
However, the gentleman declined. “He just cracked up,” our source said.

In her defense it is possible she was only doing this to raise more money for the benefit, because if anyone has a vested interest in finding cures to STD’s, it’s Lindsay Lohan.

(source = getty and page six)