oh dear god

By brendon November 02, 2009 @ 4:19 PM

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Kim Kardashian calls this Princess Jasmine costume part of her “Disney Halloween”, but a better name might be “HOLYFUCKINGSHIT”.  Kim used to be kind of average looking. Now she seems to get hotter every day. If I had sex with her while she wore this outfit, I would just chop my dick off and frame it when we were done, because no matter what happened next it would all be down hill from there. I prefer to remember it in it’s prime.

(source = kimkardashian.com)

dakota fanning is a queen

By brendon November 02, 2009 @ 3:13 PM

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Dakota Fanning really is a cheerleader at Campbell Hall Episcopal High School in North Hollywood, and this weekend she was named a member of the Homecoming Court and then Homecoming Queen during a football game.

If this whole thing seems adorably yet suspiciously normal, that’s because Dakota is the same age as Ali Lohan. Dakota goes to school and looks and acts 15 because she’s 15. Ali looks 44 because she doesn’t go to school and spends her nights in bars with her idol, Lindsay. Then she stumbles home at 6am and says “is this my apartment” before passing out on a couch. Some time later she’ll wake up and vaguely remember a dream about getting trained and wonder why her vagina now makes a whistling sound when she walks around and air passes over it.

(source = pacific coast news)

monday afternoon headlines

By brendon November 02, 2009 @ 2:23 PM

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MEL GIBSON – has a new baby girl. His Russian girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva gave birth Friday afternoon. Luckily she wasn’t born one day later, on Halloween, or else like 15 different prophecies in the Torah would have come true.  None of them good. (abc news)

JESSICA SIMPSON
– went on Twitter to defend her sister and attack ‘Melrose Place’, who fired Ashlee last week. “catching up on MP. who writes this crap? i have had bad scripts to work with, but this? thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press.” After that she began to rub her breasts and wrote, “wow, I have really sensitive nipples.”  No not really but that would have been awesome. (twitter)

THE WIRE
– will now be offered as a course at Harvard. Watching the TV show. ‘The Wire’.  Will be a course. At Harvard. “I do not hesitate to say that it has done more to enhance our understanding of the challenges of urban life and the problems of urban inequality, more than any other media event or scholarly publication,” sociology professor William J. Wilson said. In a related story, I announced I’ll be teaching a course entitled, “Why The Germans And Chinese Are Now Kicking Our Ass.”  It’s not really a “course”, I just email people this story and then add, “WTF!!!”.  (ny post)

ANNALYNNE MCCORD – went to Halloween as … bat … girl? Man? Both? Neither? I have no idea. It doesn’t really matter. I don’t wanna give away too many details, but let’s just say someone masturbated to these, if you catch my drift.  (wenn)

mariah really is an angel

By brendon November 02, 2009 @ 12:13 PM

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In complete accordance to the public opinion that Mariah Carey is full of herself, she dressed up as an angel for the Halloween parties Saturday night, and her servant Nick Cannon went as, “Guy Who Will Do Anything for Money”. Not that I blame him of course. In the 8th grade I dated a fat girl one summer just because she had a pool. Advantage = Nick Cannon.

(source = fame pictures)

jessica alba is the winner

By brendon November 01, 2009 @ 5:16 PM

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Jessica Alba looked cute/hot as hell last night when she dressed up as Dora the Explorer for a Halloween party. Thank god she’s an actress and not a cop. If she wore this as part of some pedophile sting operation, LA would be a ghost town. Every single guy in California would be in jail. You could walk the streets like Omega Man, with all the buildings covered in vines and wild deer grazing on Sunset.

(source = pacific coast news)

this halloween was boring

By brendon November 01, 2009 @ 4:35 PM

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Combining Audrina Patridge and her huge breasts with a Halloween costume that was essentially see-thru sounds perfect, but somehow it didn’t work at all and was just kind of boring. She had to have other options. I’d like to see how she would look as Daisy Duke. I’d also like to see how she would look covered in my semen, but let’s start with the Daisy Duke thing. That seems to be a more manageable goal.

(source = splash news online)

what the hell is all this

By brendon November 01, 2009 @ 3:54 PM

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I’m not the one who hired Holly Madison and Playmate Laura Croft to host my Halloween party at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, but if I were I’d be outraged. What the hell is this? What the hell are you two wearing? This isn’t some kids birthday party, it’s Halloween in Vegas and you’re Playmates. I don’t wanna bring the police into this, but you two better start stripping and giggling and kissing immediately.

(source = wenn. laura croft centerfold here)

isla fisher is catwoman

By brendon November 01, 2009 @ 11:47 AM

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I really hope some more picture of this show up later, because these are essentially identical, and the idea of Isla Fisher dressed as Catwoman holds a great deal of promise. I can’t believe these are all that I could find. I’d have gotten some amazing pictures if she had come to my house. “Hold on one second, I have to open a new bag of candy,” I would say to buy time as I soaked a rag in chloroform.

(source = inf daily)