Madonna will adopt that little girl

By brendon June 09, 2009 @ 5:57 AM

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If you’re like me, your haunting blue eyes are an ocean of seductive intrigue, beckoning the brave to leap into a new world of passion, but more to the point, you we’re broken hearted when Madonna didn’t get her way that one time. Oh but good news. The Sun UK says…

MADONNA has persuaded three appeal judges to allow her to adopt Malawian orphan MERCY JAMES.
Two have already submitted reports recommending it go ahead and the third is said to be “in complete unison with them”.
The ruling is set to be announced next Sunday at Malawi’s Supreme Court of Appeal.
A source there said yesterday: “The paperwork is being typed up now.

As always, Madonna is ugly, and people who are, ya know, “that way” make me uncomfortable, so in the banner there’s a mom donkey with her baby (again here and here). Meanwhile, this donkeys name is Joe. Hi Joe!

Afternoon Headlines

By brendon June 08, 2009 @ 11:52 AM

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LINDSAY LOHAN – “I watched open-mouthed as Linds sat with her straggly hair all over her face looking strangely detached from the world and mumbled: ‘I feel so, like, caged. Totally caged’ … ‘She just wouldn’t stop saying she felt caged … it really was like watching a broken girl in the middle of a complete breakdown.’  My jaw once again dropped as Lindsay – who had a vodka in hand throughout the night – squirmed around as if trying to hide in a ball on the floor.”

I think she’s reverted back to being a monkey. Cool. (source = Mirror UK)

DARREN THE WAVING GOAT -  It’s a goat.  And he waves.  (source = Metro UK).

HEIDI AND SPENCER – No not really.  People do realize we don’t have to play along and get all exasperated when these two fuckin inbreds do things with the sole intention of irritating everyone, right?  I promise this will be the last time you ever see either of their names on this page.

Audrina and her big tits in Vegas are a different story. I just hope that badass with the spiked hair doesn’t mind me posting these.  I’d hate to get on his bad side. I’m gonna go lock my doors just in case Eeeeekk!  Oh God I thought I saw him outside!  And then I got real scared because he’s so tough looking.  (hq jump = here)

This is gonna be a good movie

By brendon June 08, 2009 @ 10:26 AM

Riley Steele, Kelly Brook

Piranha 3D stars Academy Award nominees Elisabeth Shue and Richard Dreyfuss (seriously), so I was curious as to why Kelly Brook would be on a yacht on Lake Havasu while pornstar Riley Steele licks her chest, so I did some investigating, and it turns out the answer is, “Who cares”.

Ninjas killed David Carradine

By brendon June 08, 2009 @ 10:08 AM

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I don’t know who’s in charge of handing out gold medals for opening paragraphs but I dare you to do better than the New York Post…

A secret sect of kung fu assassins could have silenced actor David Carradine as he delved into their shadowy activities, according to his family’s lawyer.

Aha! I knew it!

…attorney Mark Geragos suggested that Carradine may have been killed as he tried to uncover groups working in the martial-arts underworld.
The lawyer said the actor’s family refuses to believe he died in a sadomasochistic sex stunt gone wrong — despite his being found naked with a rope tied around his neck, wrists and genitals.
The bizarre claim was made on “Larry King Live” on CNN Friday after a panel member said, “David was very interested in investigating and disclosing secret societies.”
“What that means is connected to martial arts and his interest in martial arts,” he continued. “And so there is a suspicion that if there was some foul play, that that may be the first area where they should look.”

I hope this works because it will be awesome to blame some secret society every time I get caught being a pervert. “The Free Masons planted those panties, and a coven of witches hexed my computer to download ‘Oops I Swallowed Again’ “.

They’re all whores

By brendon June 08, 2009 @ 9:33 AM

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A few weeks I mentioned the great Mark Ebner and his website Hollywood Interrupted after he posted a list of Playmates that also worked as high-end call girls.  Victoria Silvstedt was the big name on the list, making up to 30 grand a day when she took clients in Dubai.  Point being, Ebners latest book is called “Six Degrees Of Paris Hilton”, and now he has an unpublished excerpt that reveals Paris Hilton used to kinda-sorta fuck for money too.

I got in touch with Elizabeth Jawhary, a former Hollywood party girl who claims she serviced both Burkle (Ron Burkle, who founded several supermarket chains including SoCal giant Ralphs) and Field (Ted Field, heir to the Marshall-Field department store chain and co-founder of Interscope Records) on occasion.
Indeed, when I first contacted her, she was quick to volunteer, “With Paris it was very low key. She would fly down and I was there with them. We would party pretty hard. Paris got naked, and the girls would get naked. This was mainly in Vegas. There were times where you would have Ted or Ron come down, and they would pretty much pay for girl-on-girl action. I’d be there. And they’d pay to watch us girls going at it.”

Much of this happened on Burkles private plane, and it’s probably more of a case of everyone being coked out of their minds than real prostitution.  I guess the novelty was that it was a Hilton, because her fug ass couldn’t make money as a whore any other way.  I’d rather have Frankenstein with a machete on my plane than Paris Hilton as she begs for attention.

Brett Michaels almost died

By brendon June 08, 2009 @ 7:03 AM

I’m sure there was a perfectly logical reason for Poison to perform entertain be on stage at the Tony awards last night, but I could live a hundred years and never guess what that might have been. They sang a number they call “Don’t Need Nothing” and then (*wink*) they add “But A Good Time” in parenthethes. After that the stage dropped on Brett Michael’s head, a number the audience called, “The Most Awesome Thing We’ve Ever Seen Here”.

Kelly Carlson is being wasted

By brendon June 08, 2009 @ 6:17 AM

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For a while there it seemed like Kelly Carlson was all set to be a huge star, but then something happened and that never kicked in. It certainly wasn’t that she isn’t hot enough, as you can see here as she filmed scenes for Nip/Tuck in Malibu over the weekend. How is Teri Hatcher a huge star but Kellys hot ass is a co-star on basic cable? I notice a lot of the kissing scenes for Desperate Housewives are in the kitchen. I assume that’s so her partner can lean over the sink when he starts to get sick.

(image source = splash, flynet. hq jump = here)

hi. hello Britney.

By brendon June 07, 2009 @ 10:01 PM

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As you whatever the opposite of “admire” is these photos, keep in mind that Britney somehow made it through this. When she was walking around with her tits out on the set of Gimmie More, as seen in these pictures that just leaked this weekend, she was a complete and total mess, yet today she seems to be do doing great.  It’s sort of amazing.   These pictures are so awful and unsexy you’re gonna feel like Cameron Diaz was in them, but she’s not.  I looked several times.  It just gives you that kind of feeling.