JESSICA NEEDS TO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON

By brendon September 09, 2008 @ 1:19 PM

People magazine says that dozens of hillbillies were shocked when Jessica Simpson took the stage in a sexy dress in Nashville on Saturday night.

Wearing a short and sparkly black frock with a plunging neckline that had camera operators on high alert for a wardrobe malfunction, Jessica Simpson made her Grand Ole Opry debut Saturday night.
"I can't believe I am here!" Simpson, 28, said.
Audience members, it seemed, couldn't believe her costume choice. "I think she should have put some clothes on," one viewer said. While another one responded to how she liked Simpson's performance with: "I loved that new girl, Crystal [Shawanda] – and she was dressed appropriately."

These people are right to be outraged.  I didn't go and People magazine didn't ask me what I thought but if I did and if they had, I would have said, "It was an outrage.  We came here to listen to music about drinking whisky and domestic violence and reasons why black people shouldn’t be allowed to vote, then Jessica came out in a short skirt?!?!  It just ruined the whole night!”

HOW EMBARRASSING

By brendon September 09, 2008 @ 1:19 PM

Swiss model Michelle Hunziker played some volleyball on the beach in Rio yesterday, and I don’t know why she even bothered.  Look at the way she’s serving.  You know she shanked that thing.  She's never gonna make any friends at the beach like this.  Just stop and go home.  You’re making everyone uncomfortable.  Spaz.

HAHAHA, YOU SUCK DIDDY

By brendon September 09, 2008 @ 10:38 AM

Last week Diddy posted a video on youtube where he lamented the high cost of gas prices, saying they were so high in fact that he could no longer use his private jet and was forced to fly commercial.  He said,

"As you know, I do own my own jet but I have been havin to fly back and forth to LA to pursue my acting career. Ok, now, if I’m flying back and forth, like, twice in a month that’s like 200,000, 250,000 round trip. Fuck that."

Oh hey guess what…

Turns out P. doesn't even have his "own" private jet at all. An extensive look through federal aviation records by the Palm Beach Post turned up no Seans, Diddys, Combs, or Puffys as the registered owner. One source said, "I have a list of every plane with the name of the owner, and he's not on it."
For the record, says his rep, he's got a "fractional" ownership in a plane on NetJets, where you buy flight hours.

Even the fact that he has a partial ownership annoys me to no end.  I think a reasonable response to everything Diddy says and does is pure unfiltered rage.



CALM DOWN KATE HUDSON

By brendon September 09, 2008 @ 7:15 AM

Kate Hudson has always seemed relatively normal, but that’s by Hollywood standards, and those are pretty liberal.  Woody Allen banged his 16-year-old stepdaughter for christs sake.  He should have been ripped apart by horses, but instead people act like that shit didn’t even happen.  Anyway, Kate Hudson…

shocked partiers Thursday night with her "nasty and rude" demeanor. Hudson arrived at the Gramercy Park Hotel for the Bravo premiere party for Rachel Zoe's new show in "an absolutely foul mood," our spy said. "She was almost indignant waiting for a friend to arrive." When the friend came, Hudson and pal got in an elevator headed to the rooftop party, but the actress became incensed when there were too many people around her. "In the elevator she kept screeching, 'I'm freaking out! It's too much!' while waving her arms around." When she arrived at the roof, Hudson shunned the press line, claiming, "I don't do that," before going into a corner and demanding a bodyguard.

Kates rep denies all this, and if true it would be the first bad story I’ve ever heard about her.  Not that I really care.  If Stalin looked like that in a bikini I would still draw little hearts around his head and Photoshop myself next to him.



SHORT HAIR SUCKS EVERY SINGLE TIME

By brendon September 09, 2008 @ 6:18 AM

Victoria Beckham went to the Marc Jacobs fashion last night with a new ridiculously short haircut, and I think I speak for every guy on earth when I say, knock it off.  You bitches knock it off.  Short hair sucks, every single time.  Is long hair inconvenient and lots of trouble?  Yes.  Do I care?  Not in the least.  Especially in cases like this.  Poshs only job is to look hot.  It’s not like she’s on the Supreme Court.  I think she can find 20 minutes if her schedule of doing nothing to blow-dry her long shiny hair.  She used to be hot.  Now she looks like hell.  And she’s so little and skinny, it's like I’m being seduced by a fairy or an elf or something.

(picture source = splash)



MOAR LIKE THIS PLZ

By brendon September 08, 2008 @ 1:27 PM

Somehow, remarkably, I can’t find even one more picture of Lindsay in the backless dress that she wore on the VMAs last night.  That’s the bad news.  The good news is that she may be on her way back to her super trampy ways.  As witnessed by this and the boner-inducing dress she wore Saturday night (below).  I'm still pretty sure Lindsay is done in Hollywood, but huge tits never go out of style.  They’re timeless, and always appreciated.  On a somewhat related note, I think Seasame Buns would be a good name for an Asian porn star.

(picture source = splash news



WHY IS CANADA SO VIOLENT

By brendon September 08, 2008 @ 9:09 AM

Noel Gallagher of Oasis was shoved off stage last night during their set at Toronto's Virgin Festival on Toronto Island Park. Whoever the guy was then turned and tried to do the same to lead singer Liam Gallagher, but had his ass kicked by security first. He was later arrested for assault. In his defense, that song sucks. 

THANK GOD FOR BAR

By brendon September 08, 2008 @ 7:50 AM

Thank god Bar Rafaeli showed up at the VMAs last night, because she was the only one worth looking at.  Every other person there looked like hell.  She’s way way hotter than everyone else no mater where she goes, but in that corral of the dammed last night it was even more dramatic than usual.  I don’t get why more girls don’t look like Bar.  Just lazy I guess.  Look do you bitches want boys to like you or not?