miley in a bikini, part 2

By brendon May 25, 2010 @ 10:27 AM

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Miley Cyrus arrived in Mexico yesterday and immediately hit the beach in her bikini. This would be cause for celebration but there’s something weird about her body. Some DD’s would really work wonders for her. I know that huge tits are my answer to everything, but I think we should just try it my way and see how it goes. If I’m wrong, hey, no harm done.

(source = splash news online)

britney wants to be cryogenically frozen

By brendon May 25, 2010 @ 9:55 AM

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This idea is really dumb and really expensive. So, needless to say…

BRITNEY SPEARS wants to be FROZEN after her death – so she can be brought back to life later.
“Brit gets these obsessions and this is the latest.
“It started when someone told her Walt Disney had been preserved by cryogenics to be revived in the future. That was a myth but it got her researching the foundation and she became convinced it was worth a shot.
“Brit found the whole thing so interesting she spent most of her Mother’s Day trip to Disneyland researching the subject on the internet while a nanny took the boys round the park.”

They say she’s gonna drop around $350,000 to become a deep frozen mummy. That seems expensive, but for $250,000 they can turn you into a vacuum sealed wolfman, and for 150 you can be dry-ice vampire. It’s all very scientific as you can see.

monday night headlines

By brendon May 24, 2010 @ 8:58 PM

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LINDSAY LOHAN - says she always intended to return home in time for her court date, yet she couldn’t produce a plane ticket when asked for one in court today. But I bet it’s just an honest mistake. I just get an honest vibe when I look at Lindsay. (radar)

PAUL DEDRICK GRAY - is the bass player for Slipknot, and he was found dead today in a hotel in Iowa. ‘Psychosocial’ is an awesome song, so this bums me out. What if they don’t make any more great music, and I miss out on it. This guy is a real jerk! (msn)

MILEY CYRUS - is in Mexico in a bikini. With her dad, of course. I just hope they’re not eloping. (splash)

It’s Lindsay in court

By brendon May 24, 2010 @ 3:34 PM

And here’s the video of Lindsay in court this morning. All you need to know about how shitty and useless the justice system is in LA can be summed up by the fact that there’s a fucking puppy calender on the wall of the courtroom.

It’s a calender. With pictures of puppies.

There’s a painting called “Justice and Divine Vengeance Pursuing Crime”, and it shows two angels, one with a big fucking knife in his hand, hunting down a criminal (here). It was commissioned to sit behind a judges bench in his courtroom in Paris. But the puppy calender is pretty good too. I think they send the same kind of message. Especially October, because there’s a beagle in a little police outfit.

snaggletooth is back at cannes

By brendon May 24, 2010 @ 3:12 PM

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The Most Beautiful Woman In The World, Kirsten Dunst, showed off her disgusting clammy skin and dead stringy hair when she went swimming in Cannes this weekend. It was a real feast for the eyes, especially when she spread her legs and lead with her vagina to enter the water.

What a spaz. She already had one foot in the water. All she had to was fall forward. Instead she jabbed at the ocean with her vagina like it was a weapon. She’s so ugly it makes me uncomfortable. I’d rather slam my dick in a car door than into this creepy monster.

(source = fame pictures)

Lindsay Lohan is above the law

By brendon May 24, 2010 @ 2:07 PM

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In July of 2007, Lindsay Lohan was charged with 2 DUIs, 2 counts of possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility, driving on a suspended license, drinking underage and fleeing the scene of an accident.  Her BAL was .12 on the first DUI, .15 on the second. The legal limit is .08. She faced a total of 6 years in jail.

Instead she was placed on probation and ordered to complete a series of alcohol education classes. Which she did not do. And she was told to attend one class a week. But she didn’t do that either, and so she got an extension, and she didn’t do it that time either. And so the judge said, “well you’re in trouble now, you better finish it by May 19th!” And Lindsay didn’t do that either. Instead she went to France and got drunk. And the judge said, “Well then be in court on May 20th!” And Lindsay didn’t do that either. Instead she lied to the judge time and time again, often with the judge knowing full well Lindsay was lying.

So what happened to Lindsay in court this morning? Before you answer you need to know she arrived 8 minutes late. And she rolled her eyes and looked bored the entire time. Would it be more tough and meaningless talk, or finally some action?

Oh you’ll never guess.

Judge Marsha Revel laid down the law during a hearing this AM in Beverly Hills court. Judge Revel told Lindsay in order to stay free on bail, she cannot drink alcohol, she must wear a SCRAM device and she must submit to random drug testing.
Lindsay must begin wearing the SCRAM bracelet within 24 hours.
Lindsay must also attend all scheduled alcohol ed classes at least once a week.
And the judge indicated Lindsay must stay in the L.A. area — which will get in the way of shooting a movie in Texas. The judge basically said, tough luck.
Mind you … the conditions the judge imposed must be met in order for Lindsay to remain free on bail. The judge is also scheduling a hearing to determine if Lindsay has violated her probation — the date for the hearing is July 6.
If the judge decides Lindsay violated her probation by not attending her alcohol ed program as required … she could be jailed for 180 days.

So, more warnings. More warnings, more chances, more tough talk. No jail time. No action. But the judge made it clear that Lindsay isn’t allowed to do drugs anymore. I guess thats a good start. I thought drugs were illegal anyway, but now they’re extra illegal. It would be like ordering her not to blow up any federal buildings. This is gonna be a real wake up call I bet. More empty threats are just whats she needs. Say hello to the new Lindsay!

jennifer aniston in a bikini is not bad

By brendon May 24, 2010 @ 12:47 PM

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Jennifer Aniston is 41 but she didn’t look it yesterday while filming bikini scenes in Hawaii for that Adam Sandler movie with Brooklyn Decker.

Or maybe she did. Maybe this is what lots of women her age would look like if they didn’t do anything all day and had access to all the best chefs and trainers and dietitians. Aniston is like a show dog. Their only job is stand there and do what they’re told. Don’t think dummy just hold still while someone grooms you. Now eat this. Now run over there. Now run back. So she’s not actually pretty, just malleable and obedient. Ooo, I am getting so hot.

(source = splash news online)

LIndsay is the real victim

By brendon May 24, 2010 @ 8:55 AM

One of those machines that talk for people by reading their minds interviewed Lindsay Lohan last night, just a few hours before she’s supposed to appear in court. At first I was gonna try to document every time Lindsay lied, but she made it easy by lying from start to finish.

Every single thing she says in this, unless it’s an opinion or personal interpretation, is a blatant lie.

There isn’t even a real movie. It’s an idea for a movie, a biography that they don’t even own the rights to. They can’t make the movie. So she wasn’t there to work, just to party. She was there a week, and all she did was talk to a few reports individually. Because there’s nothing to talk about. She’s clearly high, she hasn’t been anywhere close to compliance with the courts orders, it’s not just her dad, she did not try to get a passport, India? Did that bitch just say she went to the embassy in India?

This whole thing was weird. Between the weird cadence and the detainees sunken eyes and crazy denials and chain smoking, it was more like the Nazis interrogating a spy. Hopefully there will be a second part where they whack her around a little, teach her a lesson. Just answer the questions Lindsay! They tried to kill Indiana Jones too, they mean business.