go kill yourself paris hilton

By brendon October 19, 2009 @ 5:08 PM

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Paris Hilton is just one of many who are doing cameos in a new movie starring Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Samuel L. Jackson, Eva Mendes, Michael Keaton and Dwayne Johnson, and in fact she had just one day of shooting, but she made the most of it by acting like a spoiled bitch from start to finish. Page Six says…

…in the cop-action comedy “The Other Guys,” now shooting in New York.
A source reports, “Paris has a cameo role in the movie, where she plays herself. It is all being kept very hush-hush.
“But the producers were shocked when her team handed them a three-page list of demands — including live lobsters to be prepared fresh when she’s ready to eat and a bottle of Grey Goose vodka — all for just one day on the set.
“All celebrities are typically offered riders, but it seemed excessive for just one day’s work playing herself. She was due to fly to New York to film in secret last week.”

Note that last part said “in secret last week.” Okay so what are the odds Paris honored that? You know what just forget I asked.

…on Thursday, she reportedly tweeted: “Just got done with the fitting with the stylist for the new Will Ferrell movie I’m shooting in NY. Excited! Will is my favorite comedian.”

You know whats better than a story about Paris Hilton? Literally anything on earth. So instead let’s all look at pictures of Susan Sarandins daughter stripping last night on ‘Californication‘. Going from Paris Hilton being a bitch to Eva Amuri being naked is like going from being raped by a tiger at the zoo while everyone films it to being raped by Megan Fox at home while I film it.

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afternoon headlines

By brendon October 19, 2009 @ 3:14 PM

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WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE – ruled the weekend box office by earning 32.5M. Notice I said “earned”. You could learn a thing or two about hard work and the value of a dollar from this movie, young man. (boxofficemojo)

MADONNA – was sued on Friday by her Central Park condo neighbor, because Madge “forces neighbors to endure blaring music, stomping and shaking walls … unreasonably high-decibel, amplified music as bass-y vibrations rumble through walls, ceilings and radiators.” To be fair, Madonna is an old lady. She was probably just watching Wheel of Fortune. “The Pat Sajak really tickles my goose,” she says to her cats. (enquirer)

WILMER VALDERAMA – will star in a sitcom based on “the Dog Whisperer”. Wilmer, the producer of ‘Hung’ and Fox have all come together to tell comedy lovers to go fuck themselves. (comingsoon)

RANDY QUAID – was due in court this morning in Santa Barbara to explain the fraud charges against him, but of course he didn’t show up, and now may be extradited from Texas. I’m not surprised he didn’t show up, but it was just as likely he’d show up in a gold horse drawn carriage, then stepped out wearing a tuxedo with tails, a ivory tipped cane, a top hat and spats.  (e!online)

LILY ALLEN – hung out topless on her balcony of a Venice hotel this weekened. Considering how often she does stuff like this, that might the most dishonest “classified” stamp ever awarded. (hq jump here)

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eyes up here, russell

By brendon October 19, 2009 @ 12:55 PM

Russell Brand, Katy Perry

Katy Perry and Russell Brand went to a party in the Hollywood Hills yesterday, and at one point they discreetly slipped out the back for time time alone. Some time alone with the photographers. She must be an idiot because he dresses and looks like a zombie.  If ‘Shaun of the Dead’ ever came on she’d probably start to masturbate.

(6 more here. hq jump here. source = inf daily)

britney got bam

By brendon October 19, 2009 @ 11:05 AM

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Britney was in Mexico this weekend with her lover Jason Trawick, at least that’s what the caption said. This is not what I thought he looked like. This looks more like Dax Shepard pretending to be Billy Bob Thornton. Way to go Brit.  She still swings her arms around like Bigfoot, but she has a nice ass I’ll give her that. And by “that”, I mean “this”.  And by “this” I mean “my cock”.  You’re welcome, sugar.

(hq jump here.  source = splash news online)

courteney cox is pretty gd hot

By brendon October 19, 2009 @ 9:07 AM

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Courteney Cox filmed some bikini scenes for her ABC show ‘Cougartown’ over the weekend. The show is about she and her friends sleeping with younger men. She looks amazing so it’s probably a pretty good show. Another good show would be one called ‘Colonel Monkey’. It’s about a gorilla in the Marine Corps. He doesn’t speak english or anything but those motherfuckers are like 12 feet tall and 80,000 pounds, so we just drop him out of a plane into some shithole country. After falling out of a plane in the middle of the night with no training or warning, he’s understandably confused, so he’ll pretty much kill anything that moves. Oh but before that we kill his wife and kids and drop them into the crappy country first. Then he lands right next to them and he’ll see them and he’ll think these people did it. Stupid gorilla. And also he has a suit of silver armor on like a knight so he’s bulletproof. And I didn’t mention it earlier because it goes without saying, but I think a good name for the gorilla would be ‘Doug’.

(12 more here. hq jump here. source = pacific coast)

shauna sand is fighting the tape

By brendon October 18, 2009 @ 6:01 PM

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You may have to wait until you make your own sex tape with Shauna Sand to see a Shauna Sand sex tape, because despite the professional lighting and camera work of the tapes she made, she’s still claiming she never intended for them to be seen by the public.

Shauna’s lawyer, Brooks Holcomb has fired off a letter to Vivid Entertainment, demanding that he “cease and desist” from hawking the video.
Holcomb claims the tape was “not created or intended for sale or public distribution.”
And the lawyer is asking Vivid to ante up “written proof” that it has authority to release it. Shauna says she never gave permission.

Shaunas former step-daughter and Bachelor winner Shayne Lamas has implied this tape is only being released to take attention away from Shayne and her new show on E!

“Isn’t that convenient that her tape just happened to be leaked the day after my show premiered,” she said, referring to her family’s new E! reality show, “Leave it to Lamas.”

Seriously, the tape looks as good as any porno. Considering how much effort she went through to make it, it’s hard to believe she did all that for her own satisfaction. It would be like sending you hand flowers then taking it on a romantic moonlit walk on the beach before masturbating.

(hq jump here.  source = pacific coast and wenn)

you wont believe this

By brendon October 16, 2009 @ 4:53 PM

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This would normally sound like a story that a tabloid simply made up, but in this case it’s about Jennifer Aniston crying over Brad Pitt, so really all bets are off.

Jennifer Aniston drunk-dialed Brad Pitt, and got the shock of her life when Angelina Jolie answered.
Jen was home alone in her sprawling Beverly Hills mansion in late September when she dialed Brad after downing a few glasses of white wine.
When Jen heard Angie’s voice, she freaked out.”
Flustered, Jen launched into a blistering attack on Angelina, said the insider.
“Jen basically told Angie that she hated her, but Angelina fired back!”

The Enquirer includes a picture of Aniston on a cell phone. Just like the one used in the story perhaps. Coincidence? Well, I mean, yes probably, but still, that chick is a damn loser so yeah, she did this. She totally did this.

Lindsay Lohan is above the law

By brendon October 16, 2009 @ 4:12 PM

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In July of 2007, Lindsay Lohan was charged with 2 DUIs, 2 counts of possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility, driving on a suspended license, drinking underage and fleeing the scene of an accident.  Her BAL was .12 on the first DUI, .15 on the second. The legal limit is .08. She faced a total of 6 years in jail.

She served a total of 84 minutes in jail, was sentenced to 36 months of probation and given 18 months to attend 86 separate alcohol education classes. 27 months later she has attended only 52 of those 86, so today she was called in front of a judge to explain why.

She arrived 90 minutes late, “appeared disheveled and strung-out with blood shot eyes” and told the judge she’s been too busy to attend all the classes. Please keep in mind she doesn’t actually do anything.

So what was her punishment? If you have to ask, this is clearly the first you’ve heard of law enforcement in LA.

A judge today decided to extend Lindsay’s probation another year so she can finish her alcohol education classes. Her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, told the judge Lindsay has been extremely busy and has only been able to complete about half her classes.

So, nothing. Absolutely nothing happened to her. I dare you to pull this crap in any other state. Not only would you be thrown in jail immediately, they would then put some kind of slug in your ear that works it’s way inside of you and eats your bones.