Ashlee Simpson and her skinny friend with big tits went down to Los Cabos, Mexico, this weekend, and… damn. Ashlee’s ass is terrific. Who ever would have guessed that she’d end up being the hot Simpson sister. But then, of course, her dad was there too, creepily eyeing her and her more interesting friend. Que the slide whistle “down” sound, everyone.
Here are some pictures of Gisele Bundchen leaving a tai chi class in Boston this morning, so now you can say, “hey you’ll never guess who I saw today? Gisele Bundchen, and in real life without makeup she looks like hell.” And as long as the person you’re talking to doesn’t ask any follow up questions, it will sound like you had a really interesting story about seeing someone famous.
Sandra Bullock is 47, and worth hundreds of millions of dollars. This has to be filtered through that, but she left a gym in West Hollywood today and looked pretty terrific. So I never would have thought I’d have sex with a girl almost 50, but here we are.
Kim Delaney is the star of ‘Army Wives’, which, unbeknownst to me, is a TV show that exists, so I guess that’s why she gave a speech last night at the Liberty Media awards honoring former defense secretary Robert Gates. And since that sounds boring to someone like Kim, she got good and drunk first. E! says…
The disheveled actress, who has been treated for alcohol abuse in the past, shocked the military audience by slurring her words, making strange gestures and fibbing about her own experience in the armed services.
At the event honoring former defense secretary Robert Gates, Delaney rambled on the podium about “having served in active military duty family for five years.”
“I’ve seen soldiers come home with painful life-altering injuries borne of their time and service,” she slurred. “I’ve attended numerous military funerals, including that of my best friend’s son.”
It’s important to note that when she talks about the funeral of her best friends son, she means, “on a TV show.” Not in real life. I don’t mean to be pedantic, but that’s not really the same thing. After this she went to Walter Reed and told the soldiers about a scary dream she had and the time she stepped on a tack.
Vanessa Hudgens wore some knee high boots and daisy dukes at a gas station in LA yesterday, because LA is very sexy and the pressure to look good is unrelenting. Compare this to somewhere like Alabama, where people make no effort to look attractive even when they’re specifically going to have their picture taken. Alabama: where a slide is considered fitness equipment.
Halle Berry broke her foot two days ago in Spain while filming a movie called ‘Cloud Atlas’, and today she boarded a private jet to come back to America. I was really hoping she would have used that wheel chair they brought for her so I could call her bitchy names but she had to ruin everything by walking. And good for her. This isn’t that big of a deal. In fact, her foot is in a cast, it’s safer than it was before, she should go stomp some glasses or kick a watermelon in half or something like that. That watermelon part might have sounded mildly racist but don’t be a smartass, you know what I meant.
Angelina Jolie and her son Pax took a flying lesson In Hampshire, England today (though I’m sure Jennifer Aniston was doing something just as interesting). Wait, isn’t Pax the Vietnamese one? His willage tried to kill my dad, I’m not so sure we should be teaching them how to fly. You’re on a short leash you treacherous yellow cunt!
Oh this must be some kind of mistake. Why would anyone not want to date Cameron Diaz? People magazine, please find a patronizing source and see if they can provide any clarity.
“They are broken up right now. They are still very close. There was always a certain magic between them.”
Calling the decision mutual, the source says: “They’re still close friends and will continue to be close friends. They have considerable respect for each other.”
I’m not really sure I’d call what they had “magic”. I think they just got along because they’re both super rich and both dumb as rocks. She could have the same rapport with someone who jingled a set of keys in front of her.