Tuesday headlines, with the return of Blake Lively

By brendon June 14, 2011 @ 3:41 PM

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TRACY MORGAN – was so upset that he cried during his interview with Russell Simmons, according to Simmons. Wait, he cried? Hahaha, no way! Just like a little fa… oh, umm… ne-never mind. (popeater)

HUGH HEFNER – was supposed to get married to Playmate Crystal Harris in just 5 days (he’s 85 and she’s 25, btw), but he went on twitter today and wrote, “The wedding is off. Crystal has had a change of heart.” Now replace the word “Crystal” with the word “Hugh” and “heart” with “diaper”. There’s your explanation. (e!)

BLAKE LIVELY – wore this sexy little dress this morning on ‘Today’ and ‘Regis and Kelly’ to promote ‘The Green Lantern’, which opens Friday, and what I wouldn’t give to get a look under that. I bet she’s… oh hey wait. Ok I gotta go. l’ll catch up to you guys later. (splash news, inf)

Sean Bean is the coolest dude on earth

By brendon June 14, 2011 @ 3:02 PM

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It’s hard to say what Sean Bean is best known for, maybe ‘Lord of the Rings’ or ‘Goldeneye’ or now ‘Game of Thrones’, but that was before he went to a bar in London Sunday night with a Playboy model 30 years younger than him.

After that the story pretty much turns into a Dos Equis commercial.

Sean Bean was stabbed in the arm following a spat over a Playboy model outside a bar in London.
The row began when a passerby made some lewd comments about his date, named April Summers, a 22-year-old topless model who appeared in Italian Playboy.
Witnesses said Bean followed the man and challenged him. Bean was then stabbed in the arm with what was believed to be broken glass, when he went outside for a cigarette later that night.
Bean suffered a cut arm and a bruised face but did not want to go to hospital. He instead walked back into the bar and ordered another drink.

If you’ve ever done anything cooler than that, you’re lying. Ireland should put this guy on their money.

UPDATE: I could have sworn he was Irish.

many celebrities are practically retarded

By brendon June 14, 2011 @ 1:49 PM

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Fergie has an interview in the new issue of Allure (though I’m not sure who that’s supposed to be on the cover) and she has a theory that might answer why there are so many pregnancy rumors about her.

“I think people think that I’m pregnant sometimes because my weight fluctuates.”

Ohh, gosh, you think? Could those two things be related somehow? It’s sounds crazy, but maybe. I wonder if Fergie could help me solve the mystery of my TV. It keeps going on and off, but only right after I hit the on and off button. I’m at a loss, I’ve changed every lightbulb in the house but it keeps happening. Can you help me Fergie? Is it as a ghost? Be honest with me.

Jennifer Aniston is a home wrecking whore

By brendon June 14, 2011 @ 12:42 PM

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Jennifer Aniston has talked non stop for 6 years to make sure everyone knows how awful it was when the mean and wicked Angelina Jolie took out her claws to seduce and steal Brad Pitt. Very obviously Jennifer would never do anything like that.

Jennifer Aniston’s romance with Justin Theroux has ended his 14-year relationship with his live-in girlfriend Heidi Bivens — who moved out of their home last weekend, Page Six has learned.

Oh.

Wait, so the guy Aniston has been publicly dating since mid-May, the one she went to the MTV Movie Awards with, was living with his girlfriend the entire time? Maybe they were already broken up but she just hadn’t moved yet.

Bivens “is devastated” after Theroux abruptly ended their relationship as he got close to Aniston.
“Heidi and Justin have been together for 14 years. They met when she was 20 years old and he 24, and yes, she just moved out of their home last weekend.”

Yeah but this is different because Angelina and Brad met on the set of ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’.

Aniston and Theroux met on the set of “Wanderlust” last fall, but in recent weeks they have become inseparable.

No, but, wait, Jennifer told Vogue the thing that hurt was that Angelina stole Brad. She knew he wasn’t single but she flirted with him anyway. By stark contrast, look at how Aniston acted toward Theroux when they made their movie together.

…the tight twosome (have) already settled into a form of domestic bliss on set! “Jen would take care of me a little bit,” Justin said. “When I would feel low, she had all these Chinese herbal medicines she’d give me. If I caught a cold, she’d make blueberry smoothies with antioxidants. She was a fantastic blender chef.”

Oh, gosh. So I guess it turns out that Jennifer Aniston is just a cunt. Gee what a surprise.

Tracy Morgan loves everything gay now

By brendon June 14, 2011 @ 10:59 AM

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(and yes that was the gayest looking picture of Tracy I could find)

I bet that black guy who got fired from ‘Greys Anatomy’ because someone thought he might have said “faggot” is going out of his mind right now, because Tracy Morgan said he’d stab his own son to death if he was gay, and yet yesterday he began to do interviews and meet with gay and lesbian groups to find ways to make amends and put this behind him.

First was an interview with Russell Simmons, where Tracy apologized in no uncertain terms, and acknowledged that what he said was “indefensible”

“I guess the reason I am successful is because I am so unfiltered. And sometimes as a result I say really stupid shit. The truth is if I had a gay son, I would love him just as much as if he was straight … I might have to try to love even more because I know of the difficulty that he would have in society.”

“Of all the sicknesses, there is probably none more abusive than homophobia. My heart is committed to giving everyone the same rights that I deserve for myself. I don’t care if you love the same sex as long as you have the ability to love someone … I am deeply sorry for the comments I made.
What I am most sad about is the comments I made about kids and bullying.  I would never want any young person to think that I wasn’t on their side and if any young person thinks they can bully a young gay kid, come see me at 30 Rock.  On the corner, I would be happy to meet you.  Or Brooklyn if you can’t make it into Manhattan.”

Or in Tennessee, because that’s where Tracy will be next week, to film a PSA with GLAAD and to help them protest the states recent ban on the discussion of homosexuality in public schools before the ninth grade.

In other words, GLAAD is using him to gain exposure for their causes which the vast majority never would have heard about otherwise, and Tracy has to play along whether he wants to or not. What is so bad about waiting until the 9th grade to talk about homosexuality? I think gay people should be equal in every way, have all the same rights and liberties, mostly because I don’t give a fuck and I got a long list of people to complain about before I get to the gays, but that seems fairly reasonable. Or here’s a better idea: how about everybody put their pants back on and we talk about some math. Should we really have a room of 8 year old boys sitting in a circle on the floor while a grown man tells them how great cock is? Yeah, good thinking GLAAD. That’ll help change your image.

Jessica Biel with no makeup is not bad

By brendon June 13, 2011 @ 4:08 PM

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Jessica Biel arrived in Toronto over the weekend to begin filming the ‘Total Recall’ remake, starring the underrated Colin Farrell and directed by the appropriately rated Len Wiseman, and when she got off the plane she didn’t have any makeup on. And since I’m a mean spirited, childish dick, you better believe I looked for the worst possible picture so I could make fun of her.

But as you can see, Jessica thwarted the hell out of that plan by looking pretty good, even without any makeup. I mean it wasn’t awesome or anything, but if this were Cameron Diaz, you would think she, more likely “he”, died like 4 years ago but somehow just never fell down.

(image source = inf)

pray for Lindsay Lohan

By brendon June 13, 2011 @ 3:01 PM

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As the end result of all this, which, among many many many other crimes, includes kidnapping three people after car-jacking their SUV and driving it 100mph down PCH while drunk and high on cocaine to chase down her ex-assistant who was terrified and thought she was going to die, Lindsay Lohan is under house arrest for a few weeks. Not in jail. Which means that she and her admittedly fantastic tits are at her $1.4 million condo on Venice Beach, and it’s perfectly fine for her to have parties on the roof and drink and smoke with her friends, like she did yesterday.

This is her punishment.

And the legal system in LA is okay with that.

I just hope she can adjust when she gets out. I’m worried it’ll be too big a shock. What if she hangs herself like Brooks in ‘Shawshank’? I assume they have some kind of counseling but it’s gonna be tough.

(image source = splash news)

Monday headlines, with pregnant bride Lily Allen

By brendon June 13, 2011 @ 1:56 PM

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KIM KARDASHIAN – was accused of cheating on her fiance after an NFL player named Brett Lockett told InTouch they’d been having a “physical relationship” for 5 months, but now he admits he’s never actually met her face to face. His dick must be huge. (e!)

SUPER 8 – was number 1 at the box office with $37M, because movie theaters don’t give refunds. (ew)

BOOK OF MORMON – is the musical written by Matt Stone and Trey Parker of ‘South Park’ (amazon has the cast recording on sale for $1.99), and last night it won 9 of the 14 Tony awards it was nominated for, including Best Musical and Best Director for Parker. The other “director” nominees told the actors to face the back wall and just wing it. It was foolish direction in hindsight. (people)

LILY ALLEN – got married this weekend, then announced that she’s 4 months pregnant, then took wedding pictures in a graveyard, yet still got upstaged by her older sister Sarah Owen, who wore this slutty dress. At least according to me. I love sluts! (sun, splash, wenn)