Every few months someone takes the “Jennifer Aniston is adopting” story from a few months earlier, changes all the nouns and then prints it again, so if this turns out to be true it would be astounding, but the UK magazine Now says she made a secret trip to an orphanage in Mexico earlier this month.
They say her barren womb is covered in dust and spiderwebs like a hallway that Indiana Jones would be going down, and it can’t sustain life like Angelina Jolies has several times with relative ease. Now at the age of 40, Aniston has correctly deduced that adoption is the only way she’ll ever have a child. This is her big chance to get a man who won’t leave her too, so she should probably choose a boy.
The “source” says Aniston will buy the baby from the Casa Hogar Sion orphanage. Oh it sounds just lovely.
“Jen has been plowing money into the orphanage for years, just as her ex Brad has, and to adopt a baby from there makes perfect sense,” adds the insider. “She and Brad will never be — she knows that — but this bond through the baby will live on, no matter what. Brad and Angelina Jolie can never escape from that.”
The orphanage’s owner, Carmen Gonzalez, confirmed Jen’s visit, saying, “She got on with all the children, but spent most of her time with the babies. She loved them. She was in the nursery for a long time, playing with them and cuddling them.”
This poor kid. She just wants someone who can’t leave when she starts to complain about how unfair her life is. He’s gonna grow up with his depressed mom laying around crying all the time. His life is gonna be like a Shania Twain song.
The full length trailer for ‘Avatar’ is finally online (hosted here by trailer addict. you can dl it in HD from yahoo) and it gives you a better idea of the visuals and the story. It looks amazing but I hope it doesn’t turn into some thinly-veiled “no blood for oil” political nonsense. Can I just watch a GD movie please? Can Hollywood please stop lecturing me for 5 minutes? Besides, what’s so bad about blood for oil. I need oil. It runs all my stuff. And the people in the Middle East have tons of it but they’re being dicks about it. It’s not like they made it. Solar power or green power or whatever would be great but we don’t have it yet and I’m not gonna live like a raccoon washing my food in the river until we do. Luckily I have a plan to end the oil crisis once and for all:
MILEY CYRUS – shut down her twitter account earlier this month, and now a girl who must be super popular in school is threatening to kill a cat AND FUCKING EAT IT if Miley doesn’t re-open it. The girl claims she lives in a country where this sort of thing is not illegal. “This sort of thing” of course meaning, “dangerous insanity”. (popcrunch)
LINDSAY LOHAN – is on the verge of death, this time according to her mom. Actually that should say, “according to her mom, according to her dad”. He says he has tapes of Dina Lohan admitting that Lindsays drug addiction will kill her sooner than later. I hope it’s sooner. This shit is really getting tedious. And I’m fit as a fiddle so what do I care? (ny daily news)
CURRENT SONG = the leak of the new 50 Cent track with Eminem. If I knew any black people, I would go, “Damn that shit is tight.” And then they would think I was real cool. (download it on mediafire)
CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM – is in trouble because of Sundays episode which featured Larry David accidentally getting urine on a picture of Jesus. “I don’t think it’s funny,” said InsideCatholic.com publisher Deal Hudson. I’m surprised Hudson feels this way. I would think a guy like that would love a good joke. I bet he just laughs all day long. (e online)
SOPHIE MONK – was caught by the paparazzi as she walked around in a slutty costume yesterday. When asked if she was on her way to a Halloween party, she said, “What’s Halloween?” (pacific coast)
When Taylor Swift was at Katy Perrys birthday paint party over the weekend, one picture showed some random guy behind her with a swastika on his shirt (here). It seemed likely this was some jackass and the fact that they were photographed together was just unfortunate timing for Taylor and her good girl image.
But now someone claiming to be the guy in the picture is on a message board (here) saying he’s Taylors new boyfriend, and he’s posting the picture you see above as some kind of proof
I judge people by the way they look (Asian girls are sexual deviants, black guys can get you weed, etc.) and this guy looks Jewish, so I’ve decided he’s Jewish and therefore is just some nerd who does stuff like this for attention. But why Taylor would pose for pictures with him is the real question. She’s supposed to be a force for good, and considering she looks like a walking recruitment poster for Nazi Youth and the Aryan ideal, it’s hard to believe she would smile and pose next to a swastika. I’m not gonna lie to you, I’ve seen better ideas.
CUTE COLLEGE GIRL – some of the girls on the “cute girl” page will have one or two good pictures but that’s about it. Nikki on the other hand gets hotter and hotter with every new picture. In fact I’m trying to find a state that will let me marry this one. (college humor)
MILEY CYRUS – has been named the Worst Celebrity Influence by teen girls in an AOL poll. In fact she ran away with it, taking 42 percent of the vote. Britney was second with 27 percent. Selena Gomez was named the Best Celebrity Influence, and in a related story, Selena had 5 new pedophile laws named after her this week. (nbc)
MICHAEL JACKSON – might haunt you from the grave because a picture taken of him during his autopsy may be made public soon. Although it seems hard to believe these will be any worse than every other picture taken of him since 2002. (pop eater)
STEPHANIE PRATT – was officially charged with her DUI today. 10 days ago she was arrested for a .09 BAL. The legal limit is .08. They’re being tough on her as part of the DAs plan to randomly enforce laws. This way makes it more exciting! (wonderwall)
ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO – changed bikinis from before. This new one is sort of a green color. You can be sure that Tyler will stay on top of this story and report new developments as they happen. Now back to you in the studio, Ken. (source = fame)
Alessandra Ambrosio is on St. Barths this week to shoot the new Victorias Secret catalog, and it’s hard to even comprehend how good looking she is. She’s so physically perfect I’m not sure I could even have sex with her. There’s certainly no way I would cum on her. She’s flawless, she shouldn’t be defiled like that. I would need to find a way for a rainbow to come out of my penis, or better yet a bouquet of flowers.