Afternoon Headlines

By brendon August 04, 2009 @ 4:53 PM

99fp_3356505_simpson_paves_fp7_080309

RIHANNA – will request a less restrictive restraining order against Chris Brown tomorrow when he is formally sentenced for assaulting her. The current order demands he stay at least 50 yards away at all times. The new order would drop that, and state that he merely not “annoy, molest, or harass” her. If I were them I would add “punch in the face” just so everyone is on the same page. (source = radar)

GI JOE – Last month it was rumored (here) that the movie was an unwatchable mess and the director had been fired. Paramount denied it. Now they won’t screen it for critics before they release it Friday.  Also their changing the title to “Star Trek: Revolution”. These seem like good signs. (source = the ap)

JESSICA SIMPSON – went to a park yesterday with her friend Ken Paves and his dogs, and she even gave the dogs some kisses. Then the dogs walked away. I can’t imagine that’s gonna help her self confidence any. (hq jump here. source = fame)

God Jennifer Aniston sucks

By brendon August 04, 2009 @ 4:12 PM

SPL117502_002

Jennifer Aniston is on the cover of this months Ellle magazine, and you may find this hard to believe, but during the interview she brings up her love life and lays out why you should feel sorry for her, then says she doesn’t want anyone to feel sorry for her. I don’t anticipate any problems with accommodating that. E! says…

“I’m not going to ignore the pink elephant in the living room. It’s fine. I can take it,” she says of how it’s hard to find a decent man in this town.
“If I’m the emblem for ‘this is what it looks like to be the lonely girl getting getting on with her life,’ so be it.”
Nevertheless, she’s taking her lonely-lady role-model status very seriously: “I support women, men, anybody who is in a place that’s not their strongest and who is ready to push forward.”

Why can’t a great girl like this find someone to settle down with? If there’s one thing guys love in a new girlfriend, it’s one who constantly obsesses over the status of their relationship and clings to him like they’d been pushed out on to the wing of a plane. And if she has old lady hands and a big nose? Well that’s just the icing on the cake.

(hq jump here. source = splash news online)

Hambone hambone hambone, yeah!

By brendon August 04, 2009 @ 12:12 PM

If Nick Cannon and NAS wanted this to be a really good PSA, they probably shouldn’t have made the racist song so incredibly catchy. It’s one of the best beats I’ve heard all summer. “Eat dat watermelon, eat dat watermelon, eat dat watermelon – SHO IS GOOD!” No, don’t hide the watermelon, I want some too!

size 2 in Hawaii, part 2

By brendon August 04, 2009 @ 11:58 AM

jennifer99

Yesterday there were bikini pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt playing basketball (here). Today there are more pics from the same vacation, this time of her playing tennis. In both she’s surrounded by a fence. It’s like being at a really crappy alien zoo. If it were the San Diego alien zoo, they would have Megan Fox with waterfalls and trampolines. This is like some dirty Alabama roadside zoo where a guy with three fingers feeds her by hand.

(10 more here.  hq jump here)

Afternoon Headlines

By brendon August 03, 2009 @ 1:14 PM

JESSICA BIEL – made her stage debut this weekend in the musical “Guys and Dolls”. That’s her above singing “If I Were A Bell”. But her run was just for three nights. I hope she does more performances next week. Because while she was doing that, I could break into her house. (source = ok)

DREW BARRYMORE – has over 200 dolphin figurines, and is convinced she was a dolphin in a previous life. Another possibility is that she smokes way too much fucking weed in this one.  (source = yahoo uk)

BRITNEY SPEARS – went back to her blond hair yesterday. This is why I think the “headline” posts are so important. So something truly important doesn’t get lost in the fluff.  (hq jump here. source = splash and fame)

Annalynne McCord is smart

By brendon August 03, 2009 @ 12:00 PM

32993PCN_McCord

AnnaLynne McCord spent another day in a bikini yesterday in Malibu, prancing around and huddling together with her sister and a friend. This is going in the right direction. She looks terrific every single time, but she’s in a bikini so often that I’m getting desensitized to her innocent frolicking. These three better start pulling at each others tops and giggling immediately.

(13 more pics here. hq jump here. source = pacific coast news)

This hot bitch is 46

By brendon August 03, 2009 @ 10:18 AM

SPL117275_016

Nicollette Sheridan hit the beach in Malibu yesterday with the worlds happiest dog, and it’s crazy to think that this sexy bitch is 46-years-old (Nicollette, not the dog). Her house must be on some wormhole that bends the laws of time and space. Like if we could see the living room, President Lincoln would be wrestling Charlemagne.  And upstairs there would be a gorilla in glasses and he’s looking at this huge LCD world map with a red digital clock counting down, and the gorilla is standing upright with his hands palm-to-palm and pressed up against his lips, and he’s surrounded by a bunch of generals who look real frazzled.

(33 more pics here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

Size 2 is in Hawaii

By brendon August 03, 2009 @ 9:05 AM

100jlhhii

Even though Jennifer Love Butter is a size 2, she’s always hiding her ass for some mysterious reason.  Which is why, even though she spent the weekend in Hawaii with boyfriend Jamie Kennedy, these are the only pictures of her in a bikini. Kennedy went swimming, but she was busy “modeling”. Presumably for From The Neck Up Magazine because her other 95 percent is a complete mess.

Didn’t she used to have tits? No one part of her body matches any other. Skinny face, huge ass, thin legs. She’s just a bunch of different parts thrown together, like Frankenstein.

And I have no idea what the hell is going on here, but look at that poor bastards body language. He’s not hanging his head because he dropped something. Hot Sexy Roots just said, “Oh my God, you’re that guy from Scream. No way! Me and my girlfriends love you, you are so funny. What are you doing, are you here with someone?” And now he’s looking for some of that poisonous coral so he can stab himself in the heart with it.

(10 more pics here. hq jump here. source = fame)