WHAT A SEXY INJURY

By brendon August 27, 2008 @ 3:22 PM

The Daily Mail says that onlookers were “shocked” as Katie Holmes left rehearsals last night on Broadway because of several prominent bruises on both of her knees.  

The actress smiled at waiting photographers, but her navy shift dress revealed the painful-looking injuries.
Despite the late hour, the wife of actor Tom Cruise accessorized her simple outfit with a pair of oversized designer shades.
Perhaps the 29-year-old hurt herself entertaining two-year-old daughter Suri.  Hands-on mum Katie thinks nothing of kicking off her shoes to join her pretty daughter on the trampoline or at play.

She was giving head.  There.  We were all thinking it.   She bruised her knees when she dropped to the floor to blow some guy.  And I bet it was crazy good.  I don’t know why but I think Katie would be awesome in bed.  Some girls you can just tell.  Sex with Katie would be like riding a bronco.  Sex with Jennifer Love Hewitt would be reading a county school boards budget.

(picture source = splash news)



DIDDY IS THE REAL VICTIM

By brendon August 27, 2008 @ 9:18 AM

Just when you thought Diddy couldn’t get any more charming and relatable, he goes and posts a vlog on his youtube page about the tragedy of high gas prices. He says…

"Eh yo what’s up ya’ll, this is your boy, um, I’m here today, this is called Diddy blog number what, Diddy blog number 12, Diddy blog number 12, Gas prices are too motherfucking high. As you know, I do own my own jet but I have been havin to fly back and forth to LA to pursue my acting career. Ok, now, if I’m flying back and forth, like, twice in a month that’s like 200,000, 250,000 round trip. Fuck that. I’m back on American Airlines right now. Ok?  Check this out.  Your boy Diddy right now is on American Airlines. Look. Gas prices are too motherfuckin high.  I want to give a shout out to all my Saudi Arabian brothers and sisters and all my brothers and sisters from all the countries that have oil, if y’all could please send me some oil for my jet I would truly appreciate it. But right now, I am actually, can you believe it, I am actually flying commercial. That’s how high gas prices are ok, so I feel you. Look, I’m at the gate right now. This is really happening.  This is proof that gas prices are too high, we need to do something about it, so tell whoever the next president is that we need to bring gas back down.”

The fact that this jackass hasn’t been raped by a bear with AIDS is how you know hubris and karma are just fairytales.

WHAT DID THE 5 FINGERS SAY TO THE FACE

By brendon August 27, 2008 @ 7:57 AM

Kelly Osbourne was sporting a nasty black eye yesterday in London, and her explanation today is less than confidence inspiring.  The Daily Mail says…

Kelly had a low-key bank holiday weekend at home after suffering from a tummy bug.
Her illness was made even worse when she reached to get a glass from a cupboard in her kitchen and the whole piece of furniture fell off the wall on top of her, cutting her temple and hitting her in the left eye. 

Whatever.  That's what all chicks who get hit say. "I … I fell, I fell down…" (you have to say that like Kenny’s mom.)  I blame Kelly in all this.  Because she sucks.  I’ve never hit a woman before but I think if I were gonna start, Kelly Osbourne is as good a choice as any.  I don't think it's even illegal.



THE TRANNY IS CREEPIN ME OUT

By brendon August 27, 2008 @ 7:32 AM

Isis, the transvestite contestant on this season of "Americas Top Model", has an interview on the CW website, and … oh boy.  I know this won't win me any rainbow colored medals, but this dude is a fuckin weirdo.  And a horrible tranny.  Black guys can never pull this off.  They should have gotten an Asian tranny.  Those are convincing.  Oh Peaches, you broke my heart! 

EVEN MORE FURIOUSER

By brendon August 27, 2008 @ 7:29 AM

Fast & Furious

You know those fully loaded gasoline land trains you always see? Yeah me neither. But apparently the street value of one of those is 1.4 million dollars. I was surprised. The kids are doing so much gasoline on the street these days, the market for back-alley filling stations is exploding. Here in the teaser trailer for "Fast and the Furious 4", the driver of an 800-yard-long truck takes on his number 2 nemesis, Vin Diesel. His greatest foe? Right turns. 

JULIA ROBERTS IN A BIKINI. KINDA.

By brendon August 27, 2008 @ 6:28 AM

If you’re one of those people who finds it unseemly to look at candid pictures of celebrities taken without their knowledge, first of all, welcome to the internet.  Glad to have you aboard.  Second of all, these pictures of Julia Roberts in a bikini yesterday in Hawaii may be for you, because they’re so ridiculously small and grainy, it's practically like you didn’t even see them.

IS JESSICA BIEL PREGNANT?

By brendon August 27, 2008 @ 5:42 AM

Jessica Biel was at a Whole Foods in LA last night, and maybe it’s an unflattering dress or just a trick of the light, but the pictures taken are leaving many to wonder if she might be pregnant. Like me, just now, for example.  Remember in the headline when I just threw it out there that she might be pregnant?  It’s unfounded and poorly thought out speculation like this that makes Tyler the website all of America is talking about.

(picture source, and by "source", I mean, "stolen from".  "Source" kind of implies he knew this was happening and agreed to it, as opposed to me just hitting “command shift 4” and taking it, which is what happened = Just Jared)



DOUTZEN KROES IS THE NEW ANGEL

By brendon August 26, 2008 @ 2:01 PM

Normally when you say someone is a new angel, it means things haven’t gone very well.  It means they’re either dead or they’ve been traded to Anaheim, and both of those are bad.  But in this case, it’s extremely good.  Masturbatingly good.  People magazine says…

Victoria’s Secret has revealed to PEOPLE that model Doutzen Kroes is the newest Victoria’s Secret Angel. Born in Oostermeer in the Netherlands, 23-year-old Kroes scored a modeling contract after she sent her photo to an agency hoping to earn enough cash to buy more fashion magazines. Soon the 5′10″ stunner was filling their pages, gracing ads for everyone from Calvin Klein to Dolce & Gabbana. Her first official Victoria’s Secret campaign, Supermodel Obsessions, launches today in N.Y.C.

This is good news for perverts everywhere.  The Victoria’s Secret catalog does a great job at making their models look forbidden and mysterious, but they’ll never be as forbidden and mysterious as the lingerie models in the Sears catalog.  At least the kids section.