‘paranormal’ could break records

By brendon October 16, 2009 @ 2:59 PM

Film Review Paranormal Activity

The spooky haunted house movie ‘Paranormal Activity’ opens wide today after a limited release last week where it made an astounding 8 million dollars. To find a theater near you just follow the screaming. The people who own it will also be screaming, because this should easily become the most profitable movie ever made.

It won’t make the most of course. That will still be ‘Titanic’ with it’s 1.835 billion. But Hollywood considers profit to be the percentage of the increase of your money. Take what the movie made, then divide it by the budget. Then multiply by 100 (source).

The winner until now has been ‘the Blair Witch Project’. It cost just 60 grand, then made 248 million. That’s a 414,333 percent return on investment. ‘Paranormal’ kills that by only costing $15,000, or what Jennifer Love Hewitt spends a day on photoshop. Insanely positive reviews and word of mouth made ‘Paranormal’ 8 million before it even got released, so it only needs another 54 to top ‘Blair Witch’. Nothing may ever top this, but if it does, it might be my movie called, “Megan Fox Gets Fucked In The Ass”. It’s about my penis and its heart-pounding adventure inside Megan Fox. And there’s a twist ending. Just when you think it’s over, my penis takes things in a whole new direction. I don’t wanna say too much now because it might ruin the surprise.

dumbass is about to lose everything

By brendon October 16, 2009 @ 1:26 PM


On the fist of this month, Jon Gosselin and his Rent-A-Center lawyer had TLC by the balls. Jon wanted to expand on the ever desirous Jon Gosselin brand, and if TLC didn’t cave, he was gonna shut down ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′. They tried to intimidate him, but he showed them who was boss, huh? Oh wait never mind. Radar says…

Jon Gosselin has been raking in cash for interviews and appearances and TLC knows what he’s made and where he’s made it.
…the network wants all that money plus damages in a court battle that has the strong possibility of leaving Jon flat broke.
TLC already knows Jon has been paid for media appearances and every penny will come out in the lawsuit. The paydays are in violation of his contract with the network, which has a clearly defined exclusivity clause.
That contract is valid until February 2010, even though the show is no longer filming.
TLC has an option to renew Jon’s contract once it expires, thereby keeping him from doing projects on any other network.
Jon’s negative public comments also violate his contact and the network is seeking punitive damages against him and Jon will also be on the hook for TLC’s attorney’s fees if the network wins in court.
Jon also has a morals clause in his contract. His boozing and behavior could also be dragged into the lawsuit.

The only way TLC could have owned Jon any more with this lawsuit is if they served him with it by rolling it up and shoving it up his ass.

morning headlines

By brendon October 16, 2009 @ 12:38 PM


KIM KARDASHIAN – will get paid 50 grand to have a birthday party (she turns 29 on Wednesday) at Tao inside the Venetian in Las Vegas. I sometimes stand outside of Tao and loudly complain on my cell phone about all the girls I’ve been having sex with.  The “dude” I’m talking to gets it, because we’re friends, and we make jokes about it. He and the rest of “my boys” will be here shortly, so I’ll just hang out here until then. (ny post)

LINDSAY LOHAN – is due in court this morning at 9am to explain to the judge why she stopped going to her court ordered alcohol education classes. “Well I was pretty drunk, why are they so early?” seems a likely explanation. (tmz)

JON GOSSELIN – was sued this morning by TLC for stopping ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′. They say his claims about protecting the kids are BS and all he cares about is money. There must be 2 “Jon Gosselins” because the one I know has nothing but integrity. (radar)

SELETA EBANKS – if a saw a guy go down on Seleta Ebanks, I’m not saying I would make out with immediately after if that was the closest I could get to doing the same, but I’m also not not saying that. (hq jump = here. source = mavrix online)

why halle? why?

By brendon October 16, 2009 @ 10:11 AM

Halle Berry At The 6th Annual Keep A Child Alive Black Ball

If there was a chart to measure hotness, Halle Berry would get the top score and then 100 more than that, and then this GIF. Or maybe this one. I don’t really know GIFs work to be honest with you.

Point being, normally she looks terrific, and she was off to a good start last night when she picked out that slutty dress, but there’s something about her head that’s freakin me out. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Oh wait never mind yes I can. It’s all pointy and I hate that stupid short hair and combined they make her look like a fairy or an elf or something. I don’t know I should jerk off or cast an enchanted shield spell.

(hq jump here. source = flynet online)

afternoon headlines

By brendon October 15, 2009 @ 7:09 PM


HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN – Over 2000 people, people with no connection to each other, from different parts of the world, all claim to have seen this man in their dreams. I would have posted this sooner, but I was hiding under my desk in a puddle of urine and jabbing espresso into my heart. (thisman.org)

LINDSAY LOHAN – has to appear in court tomorrow because she’s apparently failing the alcohol education course she is ordered to attend as part of her probation. I could barely catch my breath when I heard the news, on account of being so surprised. (tmz)

LEONA LEWIS – was punched in the face yesterday, and today the 29yo man who did it has been charged with assault and placed in a mental-health ward. Hopefully one with pretty dresses, because Leona walked away from the incident. He couldn’t even punch out an unsuspecting woman. I would jam a bottle in my ass and break it off right now if I were him, because he’s gonna get annihilated once he gets to prison. (people)

JOHN AND KATE PLUS 8 – will go off the air in November because Jon Gosselin threw a hissy fit last month after TLC decided to film the show without him. This guy is a PR genius. He get’s more likable every day. (radar)

KATIE PRICE – If there’s something better than big tits, I am not aware of it. (hq jump. source = fame and inf daily)

is lindsay getting fat

By brendon October 15, 2009 @ 4:02 PM

lindsay lohan shopping 151009

Speaking of fatties, Lindsay Lohan took a break from doing nothing to go shopping yesterday in New York, and maybe these are just bad pictures but that bitch looks fat. Although it’s hard to be sure because she spent most of time hugging this girl and standing behind her and then leaving with her and then probably having sex with her. I just get the feeling that every person who has ever met Lindsay got to fuck her.

(hq jump here. source = fame and wenn)

Jessica Simpson got an apology

By brendon October 15, 2009 @ 3:01 PM


Burger King and Fox have apologized to Jessica Simpson for a cartoon that aired on the Fox NFL pre-game show last Sunday. Apparently the cartoon, which you can see here, made jokes about her weight, but if you can identify any “jokes” please be sure to point them out.

A rep for Fox tells Usmagazine.com in a statement: “Burger King Corp. did not have any editorial input in the creation of the animation that ran last Sunday, and no one from Burger King Corp. approved it before it aired. Upon reflection, our poor attempt at humor was insensitive and we deeply apologize to anyone who might have been offended.”

Hey did you ever see ‘Charlie Wilsons War’? Well the girl who played the dancer (video here) is the daughter of the Cowboys coach. Holy Shit, this website is fascinating!

(ironically, Jess looks pretty good lately, and only somewhat confused.  hq jump here.  source = fame and pacific coast)

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scarlett johansson for mango

By brendon October 15, 2009 @ 1:35 PM


Is there really a clothing line named Mango? That was rhetorical by the way because apparently there is. And it would seem Scarlett Johansson works for them now.

Ryan Reynolds semen must contain some sort of tranquilizer because this bitch has pretty much disappeared since they got together. Not an insult, by the way. You used to hear all kinds of wild stories about her (sex in an elevator with Benencio Del Toro, for example) now she’s only in the news when it’s related to work. So next time Lindsay or whoever blames the paparazzi and say bloggers make a normal life impossible, remember Scarlett. Turns out that someone simply going to their job every day is not that interesting. Except for my job, which involves me being dropped being enemy lines with nothing but a knife and a map while a General tells the media I’m only an urban legend.