Afternoon headlines

By brendon June 19, 2009 @ 12:43 PM

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BRITNEY SPEARS – is getting married to her agent. Or something. “He didn’t exactly get down on one knee, but Brit didn’t care. She said yes … (he) held Britney for a long time and kissed her cheeks.” He hugged her and then kissed her on the cheek? What do we know about this guy? I think she just accidentally joined the mafia. (source = star)

JON AND KATE PLUS CLEVER DIVORCE PUN
– It was learned last night of course that Jon and Kate will announce they’re separating on Monday, but today Radar adds that they haven’t slept together in months. He sleeps in the garage and tries to avoid the house completely when Kate is there. And Gawker says Jon is looking for a place to live in Trump Towers in NYC. Oh well la-di-da. Too good for the garage, your majesty?

KENDRA WILKINSON
– had her bridal shower last night, and the whole night was like a princess in a storybook. That is to say if the princess was a drunken hussy with the worlds greatest body and a push-up bra. (16 more pics = here.  hq jump = here.  source = splash news online)

I apologize

By brendon June 19, 2009 @ 10:24 AM

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Yesterday I was throwing a little hissy fit because I thought Playboy was running an old Olivia Munn picture on their July cover, but today they have her pictures online and OH MY FUCKING GOD she looks terrific. She’s not actually naked, but it’s close enough. I’ve actually been working on a plan to make her my girlfriend. Here’s my plan so far: abduct Olivia Munn. Ta-da!

(hq jump = here. image source = playboy cyber club)

Letterman doesn’t care

By brendon June 19, 2009 @ 9:48 AM

Jimmy Kimmel is the funniest late night host, the return of the awesome Andy Richter makes Conan a billion times better, and Craig Ferguson has the best show and is the best host (defenitive video proof), but Letterman is still the only one who will ask things like this. Who will ask things like why Danny DeVito is drunk in so many interviews. DeVitos answer sucks and is plainly a lie, but whatever. All this DeVito talk seems to be taking the focus off of me and how handsome I am. Let’s get back on track.

Nerd Alert! (update)

By brendon June 19, 2009 @ 7:32 AM

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Kristen Bell is already beloved by internet nerds, so you better believe they’re gonna cum in their pants when they see her in dorky glasses AND a bikini. Hot combination’s like that only happen in their fan fiction, like Batman with a light saber. And better gets betterer because of this, where yet again we see a flaw in bikini design. I don’t know much about fashion, but I think a good idea for a bikini would be a waterproof one.

(image source = splash news online and fame.  and for the record this is Kristen yesterday in Hawaii with bf Dax Shepard. so if you have a notebook where you track Kristens whereabouts, that’s what you’ll write.)

See what everyone is talking about

By brendon June 19, 2009 @ 6:44 AM

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The Leighton Meester sex-tape website is up now with screencaps (full size NSFW here), and it seems legit though I’m not sure who “Leigton” Meester is.  The sample pics are nice but I could have done without the creepy pervert description of her hot young body. Why do they have to make it so seedy. Can I please have my dignity, can I please just masturbate with the corner of my tshirt in my teeth and the sound on low so I can hear keys in the front door, like the well respected member of society that I am? Is that too much to ask?

Leighton Meester has a sex tape

By brendon June 19, 2009 @ 5:46 AM

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Leighton Meester of Gossip Girl was born in prison while her mom was doing time for drug trafficking (more here), so she’s almost definitely a little bit screwed up, and yet the news of her sex tape hitting the market is still a surprise.   A very very very very very welcome surprise.  TMZ says…

“We’ve learned a Meester tape is being shopped around town. It was shot a few years back, and shows Leighton in mostly innocuous though nude scenes — with several big exceptions … one involving her very talented feet.”

Oh no. Oh crap. “Her very talented feet”? I hope this isn’t the tape she and I made, the one where she dialed 911 with her toes and then kicks me and then runs away.  That bitch is tough as nails.

(hq jump = here.  image source = flynet)

nicely done katie. thats perfect.

By brendon June 18, 2009 @ 2:23 PM

Kate Price Posing In A Bikini On A Boat (USA AND CANADA ONLY)

This week is starting to feel like someone sat down in London last month, they wrote a list of possible photo shoot themes and outfits, and then Katie Price and Bruno divvied them up.

(12 more = here.   hq jump = here.  image source = flynet)

It makes perfect sense

By brendon June 18, 2009 @ 1:57 PM

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Bruno made an appearance at the at Las Ventas bull ring in Madrid, Spain earlier today to promote his movie, and so obviously he wore a skin tight bull outfit.  Of course.  Why wouldn’t he?  I’m all man, but that shit is hot.  He’s half man, half beast.  In a related story, I made an Asian girl half-white last night when I banged her.

(hq jump = here. image source = wenn)