Amy Schumer Labeled Plus Sized By Glamour

Glamour Magazine lumped Amy Schumer in with Melissa McCarthy, Adele, and Ashley Graham in a cloying attempt to pretend their high fashion magazine loves fat women. Schumer made the list of 'inspiring plus-sized model' sponsored by Lane Bryant big women's wear. Schumer crafted a careful, I love overweight people just like the rest of you, but I'm not fat like Adele comeback: "I think there's nothing wrong with being...read more

Ashley Graham Pretends to Workout (VIDEO)

Plus sized SI swimsuit model Ashley Graham has been posting montagevideos of her "insane" workouts. She speeds them up and editsthem to twenty second clips when in fact her real time workouts last almost thirty seconds. Ifshe actually did the workout she's implying she does, she wouldn't be a plus sized model. She'd be writing books about going from fatty to slender and how you can do it too.Spoiler alert. Eat less...read more

Julianne Hough Sells Spandex Too

Julianne Hough is selling athleisure gear now too.Money flowing as it ever does from the foolish and compulsive to the clever and beautiful. Athleisure is a marketing term invented to make womenfeel like a celebrity yoga enthusiast who coffees with her friends mid-morning before heading to her loft office to design suspension bridges and adorable children's chapeaus. Also, overweight slobs love elastic pants....read more

Frenchy Morgan in A Bikini

This chick is the scourge of the nation and the answer to the question, is our new immigration policy all about excluding Muslims. No. Harsh looking French chicks with obscene implants go too. Also, anybody who calls soccer the beautiful sport. Amend the Constitution if need be to expel the natural born. Your name is Frenchy. You're not even trying. The shepherdsbuy you maybe three extra days while Homeland spends...read more

Cindy Crawford Taunting The Old and Ugly

Crawford's doing it again. Shitting on your ability to manage expectations. Undoing life's hardest lesson: accepting mediocrity. Crawford is fifty years old. She recently posted a picture on Instagram, from some exotic Caribbean locale, of herself in a bikini. She looks fucking amazing. Not amazing for a fifty-year-old. She has abs and shit. Good luck fucking your old, dimpled wife after seeing that. "[My husband]...read more

Courtney Stodden Spontaneously Combusts (VIDEO)

There's various levels of fucked up. Lighting your hair on fire and laughing about it is right up there with waking up married to aMexican stripper. Former child brideCourtney Stodden held a seance facilitated by her psychic, Sham Ibrahim. Sham applied for the position of gay bestie but when he saw Stodden's BofA statement he decided just to bilk her for her final fifty bucks and move on. Ibrahim instructs Stodden to...read more

Bieber White Boy Dreads And Shit Around The Web

Justin Bieber turnedhis hair into horrible, smelly white boy dreadlocks. You should never have dared him to be a bigger asshole. Behold the horror. (TMZ) Rosie Huntington-Whiteley on all fours. Oooh. (Last Men On Earth) Nickey Whelan is topless on "House of Lies". (Egotastic All-Stars) Meanwhile, Claudia Romani has an amazing ass. (Egotastic) Let's look at Kendall Jenner's nipple ring. (Taxi Driver) Rita Ora wears a...read more

Kylie Jenner Fans Stampede Grandpa Outside The Nice Guy (VIDEO)

All Grandpa wanted to do was bring his grade school aged granddaughter to wait outside a bar late night to get a selfie with the Jenner girls. Gramps isn't smart, the overalls and flashlight are a giveaway. But he's got the heart of a lion for the love of his little girl and her severely misguided desires to brush up against slutty fame. It'd be easy to blame lousy parenting. So go ahead. Shit went sideways when...read more

Brandi Glanville Ass Attacks LeAnn Rimes

Every weekend LeAnn Rimes shows up to her step-kid's AYSO game and wonders if a soccer injury could potentially fell the remaining connection her husband has to bio-mom Brandi Glanville. That's about the time that bitch shows up in some kind of breezy stripper outfit with no bra to remind LeAnn that her husband's progeny came out of her twat. Words are never spoken. This is how chick's duel. When the kid gets older...read more

Iggy Azalea Horseback Ass

If cosmic karma existed, the horse would be on top. Look at that fucking ass. The bulging bit of buggery that Iggy Azalea refuses to add to her cosmetic surgery confession list. TMZ and their court house weasel crew report that Azalea owes $400,000 in back taxes to the IRS. They also report she's still wearing the $500,00 engagement ring Nick Young gave her to keep her trap shut about his cheating until it's on film...read more

Kesha Fights On, For Thee

Kesha revealed that she'd been offered out of her Sony contract if she would publicly state Dr. Luke never raped her. Kesha provide no proof that this offer was made, with whom she spoke, or why Sony would make such a deal considering they are winning on every legal front. The suddenly found defender of women's rights posted the claim to Instagram against a photo of her innocence naked in her bed. That's tantamount to...read more

Taylor Swift Dominates iHeartRadio Music Awards

Looking less lifelike than the Scarlett Johansson semen robot, Taylor Swift showed off her Mattel rotocast tits and won every single award at the iHeartRadio Music Awards. She long ago gave up that painful shtick where she pretends she didn't know she was going to win and fumbles for words. Now she just calls everybody her bitches and pisses out of her plastic slit onto the first row of seat fillers. The award show...read more

Scarlett Johansson Robot DTF

Engineer Ricky Ma has createda functioning robot that looks a shit ton like Scarlett Johansson. It's unclear if the robot has any utilitarian purpose or if Ma is just showing off the fact that he's Asian. If you can't imagine why a lonely servo motor nerd would build a life size Scarlett robot that obeys his every command , it's time to break out your Tori Amos cassette and a box cutter. Ma's first commands enable the...read more

Leonardo DiCaprio Losing Territory

Dick Cheney carried arounda Final Solution for gaysuntil his daughter came out. Elliot Spitzer was a stickler for the law until he wanted to bang high-end prostitutes. Or at least until he got caught. Leonardo DiCaprio is speaking out about climate change because aberrations in snowfall patterns affected the making of The Revenant, almost costing him the Oscar he had been preemptivelypromised. People are...read more

Hamilton No Whites Allowed and Flow Boy Carries Tampons in His Fanny on The Last Men on Earth Podcast #39

Studies have shown that a solid percentage of people who watch the evening news suffer from less depression and crotch itch if they simply start tuning out. Reviewing the ten most horrible things that happened in your metropolis on a daily basis is the kind of darkness that sticks with you. The same is true with working in porn. It's impossible not to be jaded about two humans fucking. By the time you're asking your...read more