Jennifer Love Chewitt has a hot body

By brendon February 23, 2011 @ 6:26 PM

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Jennifer Love Hewitt was out in LA today, not surprisingly to get food, and she’s gonna need to try harder if she wants to hide or distract people from how big her ass is getting. Way harder. To be honest she might have to go out in blackface.

(image source = inf daily)

Brooke Mueller is moving back in with Charlie Sheen

By brendon February 23, 2011 @ 5:42 PM

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Back in December, Charlie Sheen and his wife Broke Mueller rented a little house to spend Christmas skiing in Aspen. Then some stuff happened, and Charlie put a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her. After that they filed for divorce, he kidnapped some prostitute, did a mountain of coke, and had a continuous orgy with porn stars.

Which apparently turns Brooke on.

“She moved in several days ago,” a source close to the situation told Radar.
And another source independently confirmed the information and said Brooke has been at the house consistently since Saturday, with the couple’s twin boys and nannies.
“I’m sure Brooke will try to deny this. She thinks because Charlie lives in a gated community that nobody has seen her. But she’s wrong. A lot of people know about this and they’ve just been keeping it quiet.
“Everyone is stunned.”

Yeah, I know. I’ve got a good feeling about this too. I can’t explain but I just really feel like it’s gonna work.

Rihanna and Ryan Phillippe “totally had sex.”

By brendon February 23, 2011 @ 3:31 PM

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Last week there was a rumor that Ryan Philippe, who is supposed to be dating Amanda Seyfried, was hitting on Rihanna, but then people were saying Ryan was really still with Amanda and Rihanna was sexting Colin Farrell. Now Us says that Rihanna and Ryan have been hooking up for months. Who says Hollywood is like high school?

Though Rihanna, 23, appeared to blow off Phillippe, 36, at a brunch in L.A. on Feb. 12, a second insider says it was actually just the opposite — and that the two had a sleepover that very night!
“She thinks he’s hot. They totally had sex. And it wasn’t even the first time!”
“They initially hooked up back in early December,” says a Rihanna source … then reconnected at a charity event Feb. 19.
The next day, he went to her 23rd birthday party at a Beverly Hills home.
“They hung out a bit, but were discreet. It is still very casual.”
Sums up another source, “Clearly they’re keeping it on the downlow.

Next week, Us will be reporting that Erin is a total bitch, did you see the way she was looking at Brad, Kelly is not going anywhere with her. In my yearbook, she was all, “Have a Gr8 summer!!” but that fake bitch didn’t mean it.

Lindsay Lohan is back in court today

By brendon February 23, 2011 @ 12:32 PM

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Lindsay Lohan will be back in a courtroom this morning (for now on just assume she’s in court unless otherwise noted), at 8:30am pct, to determine if her felony theft case will go to trial. Her attorney has said that Lindsay would accept a plea deal if it would keep her out of jail. Unfortunately…

The judge who will determine Lindsay Lohan’s fate in the probation and grand theft cases will be the middleman in plea negotiations today between Lindsay and the prosecutor … And the judge thinks Lindsay should do time.
Judge Schwartz will propose that Lindsay accept jail time for the probation violation and three years felony probation for the grand theft case.

What this means is that Lindsay will probably not accept a deal and take this to trial. And then get even more jail time because that bitch did it. Her only hope is to go into a computer like Tron and somehow erase all the evidence.

TYPICAL UPDATE: it is now 8:32am pct, and Lindsay is officially late.

FASHION UPDATE: so Lindsay arrived, just about 3 minutes late, and apparently she learned her lesson because she’s wearing a much more conservative outfit this time. Or maybe she just wanted pockets so she could take some stuff.

DISAPPOINTING UPDATE: and now we’re done. Due to some confusion about whether all evidence had been turned over, todays ruling was postponed until April 10th. Basically nothing happened except that Lindsay smirked a lot, sounded like she drank a glass of cigarettes for breakfast, and some jewelry store somewhere looked at the big necklace she was wearing and yelled, “…hey… is that? Aww what the fuck!”

Hayden Panettiere is friendly

By brendon February 23, 2011 @ 10:41 AM

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Hayden Panettiere was having lunch in Venice yesterday, but not with her boyfriend, boxing heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko. That gave two different guys the opening they needed to hit on her.

One was a dog, and he actually got to make out with her, but the real winner was me. Her panties were soaked before I even said a word, as soon as she saw my speedo and tiger tooth necklace. Then when I showed her my trophy, and explained that it was for Love Making, I thought she was gonna start masturbating right there at the table.

Long story short, I fucked her.

(image source = fame)

Jennifer Aniston is embracing her spinsterhood

By brendon February 22, 2011 @ 6:47 PM

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The fact that anyone even noticed is probably a sign that we’re all doomed and nothing will ever get better, but not only did they notice, but apparently it’s big news that Jennifer Aniston cut a few inches of her hair off.

People says…

Jennifer Aniston has bid goodbye to the long layers that have been her signature look for years and chopped her hair into a shoulder-length bob. The actress stepped out at a Madrid photocall for her new movie Just Go With It rocking a sexy, tousled take on the cut.

So. 42, single with no prospects, and now shorter haircuts. Could someone go ahead and send her two cats named Ben and Jerry so we can get this over with.

Tuesday afternoon headlines

By brendon February 22, 2011 @ 5:54 PM

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EMINEM – has cast porn star Sasha Grey to star in his video for Space Bound. If there’s not a lyric about his semen being “face bound”, now would be the time to add it. (the sun)

ALYSSA MILANO – is pregnant for the first time, with her husband Dave Bugliari, an agent at CAA. I bet this guy wishes he’d heard that “face bound” lyric from the Eminem song. Would have saved him a lot of trouble. (people)

ROSIE O’DONNELL – is single, after breaking up with the girl she’s dated for over a year. Surprisingly that was actually a real person, and not a sandwich maker that plugs into her car lighter. (page six)

MINKA KELLY – hit the gym today to start training for her role in ABC’s new version of Charlies Angels, an idea so dumb it shouldn’t have even been a Playboy cartoon, much less two movies and TV shows. (inf daily)

private Olivia Wilde pictures have leaked

By brendon February 22, 2011 @ 3:39 PM

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Private candid pictures of Olivia Wilde, taken by her ex husband, have leaked online, but that really makes these sound hotter than they are. Because she’s not naked. Releasing private candids of your ex wife really implies she was gonna be naked. But she’s not.

This is bullshit.

Now I know what you’re thinking, and I partially agree, but let’s not bring the police into this just yet. Maybe he’s got more, let’s see how this plays out.

(source = olivia-wilde.org)