audrina might have had work done

By brendon April 10, 2009 @ 8:27 AM

Say what you will about Audrina Patridge, but that bitch is cool under pressure.  Someone asked her if she’s had any plastic surgery, and she looked them square in the eye and said no.  And they asked a follow up, and said it again.  She's like a serial killer.

"People think I've got my nose done. My chin done. I just laugh at it. I'm just losing my baby fat – everyone grows up and changes."
"There's always rumors.  People are always going to point things out and it's entertainment. It's funny. Doesn't bother me. Goes in one ear, out the other. I read it, forget it."

Yeah.  Nose.  Chin.  That's what everyone is always sayin.  Oh and also there's this.  From this to this.  I have to believe she was only asked her face, but still.  You would have thought this reporter would have been able to wring the truth out of her, but I guess it's sort of implied that if your job is to interview people like Audrina, you're kind of a doofus.  His previous set of questions was probably with poison control because he ate the packet that came inside his new shoes again.

rachel sterling is popular

By brendon April 10, 2009 @ 6:00 AM

That banner picture is from a set taken Wednesday night entitled “Rachel Sterling glowing as she steps out in Hollywood with boyfriend JC Chasez.”  Those picture are mixed in below with pictures from a set taken last Wednesday called “Simon Rex and Rachel Sterling are a new couple.”  I don’t know why Rachel Sterling has two boyfriends, but I don’t know why she has the exact same outfit and bag two Wednesdays in a row either.  I don’t know much as it turns out, including what a proton does or why dogs have wet noses.  I do know she’s super hot, and an actress who first got popular as a Juggy on “The Man Show”.  If you were wondering how one might get a job as a Juggy, I would recommend looking awesome topless (like this – 1, 2, 3, 4 – or this).  Another good idea would be to stop doing softcore porn pictures under the name “Angel Veil”, like this for example.  A final good idea would to be have sex with me, which might somehow help in some fashion.  Kharma?   

(source = splash news and pacific coast)

afternoon headlines

By brendon April 09, 2009 @ 2:54 PM

CELINE DION – is in talks to buy the NHL’s Montreal Canadians.  And maybe after that Bette Middler can buy the UFC, and we’ll just fag up all the good sports one by one.  (source = reuters)

KANYE WEST – "South Park" ripped him apart last night, and on his blog he wrote that it hurt his feelings, and "I JUST WANT TO BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM."  Actually a better way to start would be to turn off the GD caps lock key.  (source = the ap)

JENNIFER LOPEZ – she has so many wigs she has a room just for them.  "Jennifer keeps the door locked and hardly ever lets anyone in the room, not even Marc.  The shelves on the walls are full of plastic heads holding the best hairpieces money can buy."  Talk about crazy.  A Puerto Rican woman in a wig?!  Now I’ve heard everything. (source = star and wenn)

does madonna have any friends

By brendon April 09, 2009 @ 10:16 AM

Madonna has been nothing but a mean spirited bitch ever since they split, but still Guy Ritchie is the one she has turned to after her failed bid to adopt a little girl in Africa last week.  The Sun says…

Madge was devastated after being told three-year-old Malawi girl Mercy James can’t join her brood — Lourdes, 12, Rocco, eight, and three-year-old David Banda, who she adopted from Malawi in 2006. “Guy was incredibly sympathetic, calmed her down and told her to be happy with the family she had.”

This was after Guy issued this statement of support last week:

“I fully supported Madonna in her decision to apply for this adoption, and I am saddened her application has been rejected.  She is motivated only by being a caring parent who seeks to share some of the advantages and opportunities that her life has given her.”

This dude must have the patience of a saint to put up with her for so long.  She’s like a villain in a fairy tale.  Mean, ugly, pale and creepy because you can see the tendons in her arms when she moves.  Honest to God I’d rather hump a vagina made out of wood than Madonna.

avril is a drunk

By brendon April 09, 2009 @ 9:25 AM

Avril Lavigne had to be half-carried to her car last night by a friend and then two friends because that miserable bitch was too drunk to walk.  With any luck they then dumped her in some haunted mystery spot from which there's no escape, that bends our laws of reality.  Where you might see a gorilla eating a shark, or the USS Cyclops just sitting there on dry land.

(image source = fame)

nice

By brendon April 09, 2009 @ 9:21 AM

Lindsay made her first good decision in 6 years last night when she went to a salon and had her hair dyed back to it's hot ass natural color.  Or at least close enough.  Girls with dark red hair and big tits are the best.  This look on her face also helped.  To the best of my knowledge I’ve never gotten a blowjob from Lindsay Lohan, so either she’s not very good or it hasn't happened yet, but I bet that's exactly what she looks like when she’s done.

(image source = splash)

im as surprised as anyone

By brendon April 09, 2009 @ 8:30 AM

“Good Will Hunting” came out in 97, and from then until 04 Ben Affleck was in 25 movies. Since 04, he’s been in 6. For 7 years the dude was in anything on film, even like security cam footage from bank robberies and he led the Channel 5 Trouble Shooter Team in Denver for 6 months. So it was smart to bail for a while. Now he can do ensemble stuff like this and it looks good again, as opposed to stuff like “Daredevil”.   I couldn't get an erection for 12 weeks after I saw that piece of shit.

britney is high on life

By brendon April 09, 2009 @ 6:13 AM

Britney brought her "Circus" tour to Vancouver last night, but stopped the show for 45 minutes after just three songs because she thought she smelled marijuana. Radar Online says…

(She) left the stage dark and empty from about 8:30 p.m. until 9:05 p.m.; at about 8:45 p.m., a PA announcer told the crowd: "It’s become uncomfortable and unsafe for the performers, including Ms. Spears. The show will resume as soon as the air around the stage is clear. The performance will not proceed until the air clears."

She returned to finish her set, but not before imparting a few words of wisdom to those in attendance: "Thank you Vancouver. Drive safe, don't smoke weed and rock out with your cock out. Peace out mother fuckers!"

Ironically, Canada is pretty lax with their weed laws, so you would probably get in more trouble if you ran around with your cock out than you would if you got high.  So Britney's advice would probably land you in jail, whereas if you do the exact opposite of her advice, the worst that will happen is you'll think "According to Jim" is just the funniest goddam thing you've ever seen.