what will become of my kiki

By brendon January 11, 2010 @ 8:55 PM

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Everyone has their favorite actors and actresses and everyone has their own opinions, but one thing everyone agrees on is that Kirsten Dunst is the Most Beautiful Woman In The World. One look at her cold clammy skin and the way her little pebble baby teeth offset her fangs and you’ll notice an invigorating bounce in your step. Her beauty wraps around you like a sunbeam and warms your heart, and then you find yourself smiling for no reason, giddy as a lovesick schoolboy.

So whatever problems SpiderMan 1, 2 and 3 had, no one blames KiKi and her sexy performance as, “Kisten Dunst After Someone Washed Her Hair”. Fire the director and Tobey Maguire if you like, but don’t mess with Americas Sweetheart. The LA Times says…

A few days after Sony Pictures said it was postponing production on “Spider-Man 4″ because of creative concerns, the studio on Monday said it was sending the entire franchise in for a major overhaul without star Tobey Maguire or director Sam Raimi involved.
Sony said the next Peter Parker film will also be released a year later than originally scheduled, with the fourth installment in its blockbuster franchise now set to premiere in the summer of 2012.
The new film does not yet have an announced star or director.

I guess it goes without saying that Kirsten is untouchable, so therefore the LA Times doesn’t say it. In fact they don’t mention her at all. Probably so peopel could focus on the story, and not be driven to madness by their sexual desire.

simon cowell is quitting idol

By brendon January 11, 2010 @ 5:46 PM

AVN Expo

Paying him 144 million dollars for the upcoming season wasn’t enough to stop Simon Cowell from wrecking ‘American Idol’. He announced today that this season will be his last, and after that he will instead be a judge on a new Fox show called ‘The X-Factor’, which is essentially the exact same thing as ‘American Idol’ except Simon owns it.

This is the same course Simon followed in the UK. He began as a judge on ‘Pop Idol’ (the show ‘American Idol’ is based on) in 2001, then left in 2004 to judge … wait for it … ‘The X Factor’. ‘Pop Idol’ is now off the air.

This raises a lot of interesting questions. I’m joking of course, so instead here are a bunch of pictures from this weekends Adult Video News Awards in Vegas. These really do raise some interesting questions, including, “Is that a guy?”, and “Is that a guy?”, and “Holy shit was I masturbating to a guy?”

mel gibson feels bad for tiger woods

By brendon January 11, 2010 @ 3:20 PM

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I’m not technically a detective, in fact I can barely even read, but I think a famous celebrity who was sleeping around and then got divorced might have his own agenda when he acts outraged about a story in the press about a famous celebrity who was sleeping around and then got divorced. People magazine says…

Mel Gibson says the Tiger Woods affair has been blown way out of proportion – but that it wouldn’t do the golfer any good to whine about that now.
“Nobody is without sin,” he says. “You have to try to make amends if you can. You have to shut up and move on and not whine about it. And you have to deal with it like a man … You’ve just got to accept your own culpability.”
“I feel sorry for Tiger Woods. Why are we talking about this when we’re sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan? … He’s being used as a diversion, and it just drives me crazy.”

Nothing makes some one look more guilty than the, “why are we talking about this when there’s a war going on” defense. It’s the equivalent of taking the stand during your murder trial covered in blood.

monday morning headlines

By brendon January 11, 2010 @ 2:38 PM

Nicole Bahls Having Fun In Rio De Janeiro (USA ONLY)

AVATAR - made another $48.5 million this weekend to bring it’s worldwide total to $1.34 billion, second all time only to ‘Titanic’ which made 1.84. Both movies of course we’re directed by James Cameron and released by 20th Century Fox. They should give him something nice, like an iTunes gift card or something. (hollywood reporter)

MINKA KELLY - is reportedly engaged to Derek Jeter and will get married in November at a castle on Long Island. Ahh yes, New York near the water in winter. They’ve thought of everything! (popeater)

KATY PERRY - might be pregnant, and that might be why she’s marrying Russell Brand. They’re quite a team. Intellectually the kid will be somewhere between a rock and a lizard. (wonderwall)

NICOLE BAHLS - was in a bikini this weekend in Rio. If you don’t know who she is, maybe you should look it up. Then summarize it and send it to me. (flynet online)

conan has contacted fox

By brendon January 11, 2010 @ 12:37 PM

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In 2004, NBC announced Conan O’Brien would take over for Jay Leno as host of ‘the Tonight Show’ in 2009, and on June 1st, after 16 years hosting ‘Late Night’, that’s what he did.

Three months after that NBC decided they were just kidding and moved Leno back in front of Conan to do the same show he had always done. That failed miserably, and so yesterday they announced they’re moving Leno back to 11:30. As you might imagine, Conan is just thrilled. The New York Post says…

(Conan) has “many options,” including a move to Fox, which for years has been looking to create its own late-night show.
In fact, he has already spoken with Fox, The Wall Street Journal’s Web site reported last night.
“This level of sh- – -iness was not expected,” one source said.
“He’s done a great job for NBC. He moved his entire staff, he moved his family to LA. And five months later, they repay him like this?”

What is Conan’s deal? NBC is putting everything back. That’s how life works. Just like how if you cut yourself you can run the blade backwards over the cut and it will seal up, or if you have a baby and it sucks you can shove it back in the uterus. Ta-da! What baby? I don’t see a baby!

todays top story

By brendon January 11, 2010 @ 11:05 AM

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These may look like pictures you saw on Friday, the ones of Ashley Greene naked except for body paint, but they’re not. They’re all new. I don’t know who first thought up having only a thin layer of paint separating me from a sexy model and her tits, but that that person should be honored with one of those 40-story statues like the one of Jesus in Rio. It’s one of the greatest ideas anyone has ever had, second only to my idea of models naked except for a layer of my semen.

is she homeless or something

By brendon January 08, 2010 @ 6:09 PM

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Victoria Silvstedt has been in St Barths all week, and now that we know she’s a professional prostitute, I of course assume every guy she’s with is paying her for sex. Even lamer are the guys who seem to be randomly approaching her to talk. As if they can’t even get up the nerve to hire her. The only way they could be any sadder when it comes to begging for sex is if they took their pants off, pointed at their erection and then whimpered while a tear rolled down their cheek.

everyone loves jon gosselin

By brendon January 08, 2010 @ 5:07 PM

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Radar Online somehow got their hands on a picture of Jon Gosselins New York apartment bedroom after it had been ransacked and someone stabbed a knife into a note and stuck it to his dresser.

Jon’s reps have said that ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman was responsible for the carnage and that she wrote the note. Her lawyer has denied it.
…stuffing from a shredded furniture item can be seen on the floor on the right side. Gosselin said that when he returned to his apartment clothing items and furniture were shredded with a knife. His team blames Hailey, who had just moved out after their breakup.

Until we know what the note says, it’s best not to rush to judgement. One time a girl broke up with me and when she moved out she left some things behind, like some clothes and some kitchen things, so I dressed a mannequin in her clothes and placed the biggest a knife in the mannequins chest to protect her from the blade, then included a note that said “YOU”. As in, “You left these things behind.” Oh, but according to Little Miss Perfect, I don’t drop clothes off right either.