STFU Gwyneth Paltrow

By brendon October 08, 2010 @ 11:02 AM

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Gwyneth Paltrow, who is the daughter of Tony Award winning actress Blythe Danner and Emmy Award winning producer Bruce Paltrow, got her big break in 1990 when she was cast as Wendy Darling in ‘Hook’. Which was directed by Steven Spielberg. Who is Gwyneths godfather. They also spend every Thanksgiving together.

But over in Fantasyland (Population: 1), Gywneth tells Elle magazine she was nothing but a piece of meat in her early days as an actress, with pervert producers practically forcing her into prostitution.

Q. Have you ever had a casting-couch experience?
A. Yup. When I was just starting out, someone suggested that we finish a meeting in the bedroom. I left. I was pretty shocked. I could see how someone who didn’t know better might worry, “My career will be ruined if I don’t give this guy a blow job!”

Granted, this is what Paltrow looked like sort of naked back then, and I would have tried to make her blow me too, but when this bitch “was just starting out”, her parents best friend, who happens to be the biggest director in the world, just went ahead and put her in a massively popular movie. Don’t act like you had it hard, cunt. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with the casting couch. Unless you work at Sea World. Then it gets a little weird.

Johnny Depp is the nicest guy on earth

By brendon October 07, 2010 @ 5:11 PM

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Johnny Depp is one of the few people in Hollywood that you never ever hear anything bad about in any way. He’s talented, he’s humble, he works hard, and he does things like tip waiters $4,000.

So what did Mr. Wonderful do this time? Oh nothing. Just showed up unannounced in a little girls classroom, in full character as Capt. Jack Sparrow, after she wrote him a letter asking for help staging a ‘mutiny’ against the teachers. The Daily Mail says…

The school was told just ten minutes before that Depp would be arriving and two blacked-out cars swept through the school gates.
An onlooker said she heard the most ‘incredible screams of joy’ as the actor, in full make-up, then entered the school.
In an interview on London Tonight after the visit, Beatrice revealed what she had written in the letter to the star – or rather his salty seadog alter ego.
She said: ‘Captain Jack Sparrow, At Meridian Primary School, we are a bunch of budding young pirates and we were having a bit of trouble mutiny-ing against the teachers, and we’d love if you could come and help.
‘Beatrice Delap, aged nine, a budding pirate.’
She said that she was then asked by the star to make herself known from the assembled pupils once he arrived, and gave her a cuddle.
Beatrice marvelled: ‘He gave me a hug and he said, “Maybe we shouldn’t mutiny today ‘cos there are police outside monitoring me.”‘

When his daughter was sick in 2007, with a rather serious blood disease after stepping on a rusty nail, Depp would go to the hospital as Sparrow, in full character then too, and read books to groups of kids for hours at a time. And after she recovered, he went back to the hospital, completely unannounced, and gave them 2 million dollars.

In other words, this guy is a real jerk. He needs to knock this shit off before every girl on earth starts thinking their boyfriend should be like Johnny Depp. I need a good Chris Brown story right now to balance things out. Maybe I don’t go read stories to sick children, but I didn’t punch a girl in the face 40 times either, so overall, if you look at the big picture, I think I’m still doin ok.

Demi and Ashton have an open marriage

By brendon October 07, 2010 @ 3:10 PM

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Demi Moore is well liked and respected these days, so it’s easy to forget that her childhood was a mess. Her family was the Kennedys of white trash.

She never knew her biological dad, and thought her step-dad was her real dad until she was 14. Her mom and step-dad were alcoholics and would get into violent fights. They moved constantly. She had kidney problems. She was cross-eyed and had to wear an eye patch. Apparently that got better because when she was 16 she went to France to be a nude model. The step-dad eventually killed himself. At 17 she married a guy named Freddy Moore, which is why she’s ‘Demi Moore’. He was 30 at the time, btw.

There’s more but, in summation, it’s entirely possible that she’s crazy. Keep it in mind when you read about Ashtons alleged side piece telling Star that he and Demi have an open marriage.

Ashton Kutcher’s mistress, Brittney Jones, has given a new interview claiming that Ashton and Demi have an open relationship filled with threesomes,
…she tells Star that Ashton told her he and Demi share lovers–but Demi was mad in this instance because she wasn’t around to participate.
“He said they share women, but he isn’t supposed to go off and sleep with women on his own,” she said. “He said Demi had to be there and that Demi likes to pick the girls out.”

So will I use this flimsy excuse to post the very very naked pictures of Demi from Oui magazine in 1981, the ones where it looks like she’s giving birth to a bear? You know I will!

But be warned: her vagina back then was an abomination. That bush might as well be crime scene tape, because I wouldn’t go anywhere near it.

Read more >

The Rock has finally accepted that he’s a badass

By brendon October 07, 2010 @ 1:30 PM







A violent new red-band trailer for ‘Faster’ came out today, and finally Dwayne Johnson is punching people in the face like he should be. Maybe now we can get some decent action movies, instead of Jake Gyllenhaal prancing around the desert. Putting that sugary little treat in an action movie is like a MMA fight with basset hounds. They would both just sit there, and the winner would be decided by whoever gave the other one the fewest kisses. And it would still be more exciting than ‘Prince of Persia’.

Brandy has my undivided attention

By brendon October 07, 2010 @ 12:15 PM

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I can’t remember the last time we talked about Brandy, but if she would wear more tight shirts and bounce up and down like she did when leaving rehearsals for ‘Dancing With The Stars’, that would certainly help. She should just wear a bikini and do the Bunny Hop for every dance. Or start a new show where she’s a cop or something and her uniform is real tight and she runs a lot. And also there’s like some topless sorority girls and they kiss each other all the time. That would be a good show!

Ginger Spice is insensitive

By brendon October 07, 2010 @ 10:04 AM

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Geri Halliwell went to the Breast Cancer Care Fashion Show in London last night, a show where the models have all had breast cancer. And she wore this dress that showed off her terrific tits. I guess as like a prank or something. Then on the way home, they saw a homeless guy and yelled, “Why don’t you get a house, jerk!” And then everyone in the limo all laughed and high fived each other and drank more champagne.

afternoon headlines

By brendon October 06, 2010 @ 7:21 PM

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THE CAST OF GLEE – has passed the Beatles for the most appearances on the Billboard Hot 100 chart by a non-solo act. They’ve had 75 songs on the chart, topping the Beatles old record of 71. Isn’t it exciting to be around while the greatest band in history is in their prime? (yahoo)

WEEZER – has been offered 10 million dollars to break up by a fan who says they used to be great but now they suck and it’s frustrating. And I agree. If they don’t sing glee club versions of Britney songs, fuck them. (popeater)

TIGER WOODS – allegedly made a sex tape with porn star Devon James in 2008, and now she claims she’s sold it to a production company. A source who helped put the deal together says it shows Tiger, “playing a few holes.” Which means the source is Jeff Foxworthy: Pornographer. (radar)

KELLY BROOK – is on the cover of 2 editions of FHM this month, one in Australia, and the other in a place that I bet is revealed somewhere on the cover in that language I dont speak.

Diora Baird is a good model

By brendon October 06, 2010 @ 4:28 PM

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My beloved Diora Baird is on the cover of FHM this month, and I’ll never know why she isn’t a huge star. I don’t even mean that because of her red hair and huge tits, although those things are completely wonderful, but she’s also a really good actress. Casting directors who don’t hire her are just dumb. You can disagree if you want but it means you’re an idiot. It would be like if you didn’t recognize Texas as a state. Stop being an asshole.

EROTIC UPDATE – added her very NSFW Playboy shoot, starting here.