LIndsay is the real victim

By brendon May 24, 2010 @ 8:55 AM

One of those machines that talk for people by reading their minds interviewed Lindsay Lohan last night, just a few hours before she’s supposed to appear in court. At first I was gonna try to document every time Lindsay lied, but she made it easy by lying from start to finish.

Every single thing she says in this, unless it’s an opinion or personal interpretation, is a blatant lie.

There isn’t even a real movie. It’s an idea for a movie, a biography that they don’t even own the rights to. They can’t make the movie. So she wasn’t there to work, just to party. She was there a week, and all she did was talk to a few reports individually. Because there’s nothing to talk about. She’s clearly high, she hasn’t been anywhere close to compliance with the courts orders, it’s not just her dad, she did not try to get a passport, India? Did that bitch just say she went to the embassy in India?

This whole thing was weird. Between the weird cadence and the detainees sunken eyes and crazy denials and chain smoking, it was more like the Nazis interrogating a spy. Hopefully there will be a second part where they whack her around a little, teach her a lesson. Just answer the questions Lindsay! They tried to kill Indiana Jones too, they mean business.

simon monjack is dead

By brendon May 24, 2010 @ 7:45 AM

Brittany Murphy cracks a smile and kisses her husband at the air

Last Thursday was the 5 month anniversary of the death of Brittany Murphy. It was December 20th when her mom found her dead in the shower of the Hollywood Hills home she shared with her husband, Simon Monjack. But this is Hollywood, 5 months is an eternity. It’s time for a gritty reboot!

Simon Monjack was found dead late Sunday night at his home in the Hollywood Hills… and both bodies were discovered by the same woman.
Brittany’s mother, Sharon Murphy, found Monjack unconscious in the master bedroom around 9:30PM, and then called 911.  
Monjack was pronounced dead sometime after paramedics arrived … when resuscitation efforts failed.
Monjack reportedly died from cardiac arrest, though nothing officially has been determined.

This guy was 90 percent doughnut so cardiac arrest is a safe bet. But he was a real piece of shit so hopefully it was something worse than that. Like suicide, or even better Brittanys ghost came to visit him, and it was like ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ where at first she was real pretty but then she turned into a monster and chased his fat ass around the house until he died.

lindsay was set up. yet again.

By brendon May 21, 2010 @ 6:25 PM

SPL182020_001

When the picture of Lindsay Lohan next to what appears to be cocaine surfaced earlier today, Lindsay seemed as surprised as anyone. Because she claims she did all of it didn’t know about it. So how did it get there? Was it cocaine? Does Lindsay have another paranoid and poorly thought out theory? That last one I can answer, and the answer is you better believe it!

(When asked about the coke in the picture) Lindsay said: “That’s a set up, that’s so untrue.”
She is with friends in the photo and named a person who she thinks set her up (Radar Online is withholding the name.) She also said in an email that she didn’t know the powder was on the table.

Who is this army of shadows that Lindsay thinks is always one step ahead, stealing her passport and planting cocaine? Does she ever see them? Or can she just tell when they’re near? Where do their orders come from, and why are they doing this? Is Sophie Turner in a skin tight dress part of their plan? I don’t know my friends, all I can say for sure is that they’ll stop at nothing to carry out their vague and undefined plan.

“i hope that isn’t cocaine in the pictures.”

By brendon May 21, 2010 @ 2:46 PM

lohn_coke_cannes

Try not to get a hard on while looking at it, but TMZ has a picture of Lindsay Lohan taken last night in Cannes, and to her right there appears to be several lines of coke on a glass table while she parties on a yacht with the Sicilian Jimmy Fallon and Rosanne Rosannadanna. The theme of the party was, “jokes people make about the 80′s”.

Point being, today the prosecutor handling Lindsays probation case back in LA (keep in mind Lindsay is on probation for 2 counts of possession of cocaine among other things) seemed to find the picture thought provoking…

Now we’re not saying what the powder is, but Danette Meyers, the prosecutor in her DUI case told Radar exclusively: “I hope that isn’t cocaine in the pictures.”

I wonder if it would violate her probation if she did coke in another country. I also wonder why Megan Fox is being so icy. Is it something I said at breakfast this morning?

lady gaga is friendly

By brendon May 21, 2010 @ 1:52 PM

gaga_yacht_1

Lady Gaga and some hot nubian goddess were on a yacht off St Tropez earlier today, and at one point Gagas ebony queen rolled around on top of her for a while. The only problem is it’s hard to tell if this was just them goofing around or if Gaga is gonna hit that. Could be either, I guess. It’s informative posts like this that make me such an internet sensation.

(source = the sun and pacific coast news)

Nina Dobrev is in a bikini

By brendon May 21, 2010 @ 10:37 AM

nina_dobrev_bikini

Nina Dobrev is on Turks and Caicos today, and I’m not entirely sure who she is but I see her name a lot lately. Unfortunately the words “busty teen” and “cock crazy” don’t bookend her name when I see it so I never click the link. And now I’m unprepared. The credits for these pictures say she’s the star of the CW show ‘Vampire Diaries’, but I don’t know what that might mean. Is there seriously a show called that? And if so, why? Why would they do that? Are they just pairing up words that teen girls like and making shows about it? Girls are so dumb. Normal girls are dumb too but teen girls are like talking to a dog. How are they so much better at us at math and spelling. And ping pong. It doesn’t add up at all.

(source = wenn images)

the top 10 satire movies

By brendon May 21, 2010 @ 10:36 AM

macgruber-will-forte

One of the staples of comedy is the parody.  A movie or sketch that takes an existing story or genre and makes fun of it.  In fact some of the best comedies ever have been parodies. Will there come a time when ‘Macgruber’ will be on lists like this?  I guess we can find out starting today (hint hint).

10. HISTORY OF THE WORLD
If the next 5 commandments were a list of exceptions, like, “but if thy neighbors wife has big tits, well of course that will be factored in”, then I think Moses should be considered on of the bibles greatest villains.

Read more >

guess who had to be helped out of a bar. again.

By brendon May 21, 2010 @ 9:59 AM

bfo_0039405

Oooo, this is a perfect time for another scandalous Blind Item. Are you ready?

This former A-list actress has been drunk and high for 5 years, and instead of going to court this week over drug and alcohol charges, she got drunk in Cannes, and last night she had to be carried to her car. For like the third time this month.

Who is it? You’ll just have to tune in later for the shocking answer.