One of those machines that talk for people by reading their minds interviewed Lindsay Lohan last night, just a few hours before she’s supposed to appear in court. At first I was gonna try to document every time Lindsay lied, but she made it easy by lying from start to finish.

Every single thing she says in this, unless it’s an opinion or personal interpretation, is a blatant lie.

There isn’t even a real movie. It’s an idea for a movie, a biography that they don’t even own the rights to. They can’t make the movie. So she wasn’t there to work, just to party. She was there a week, and all she did was talk to a few reports individually. Because there’s nothing to talk about. She’s clearly high, she hasn’t been anywhere close to compliance with the courts orders, it’s not just her dad, she did not try to get a passport, India? Did that bitch just say she went to the embassy in India?

This whole thing was weird. Between the weird cadence and the detainees sunken eyes and crazy denials and chain smoking, it was more like the Nazis interrogating a spy. Hopefully there will be a second part where they whack her around a little, teach her a lesson. Just answer the questions Lindsay! They tried to kill Indiana Jones too, they mean business.

When the picture of Lindsay Lohan next to what appears to be cocaine surfaced earlier today, Lindsay seemed as surprised as anyone. Because she claims she did all of it didn’t know about it. So how did it get there? Was it cocaine? Does Lindsay have another paranoid and poorly thought out theory? That last one I can answer, and the answer is you better believe it!

(When asked about the coke in the picture) Lindsay said: “That’s a set up, that’s so untrue.”
She is with friends in the photo and named a person who she thinks set her up (Radar Online is withholding the name.) She also said in an email that she didn’t know the powder was on the table.

Who is this army of shadows that Lindsay thinks is always one step ahead, stealing her passport and planting cocaine? Does she ever see them? Or can she just tell when they’re near? Where do their orders come from, and why are they doing this? Is Sophie Turner in a skin tight dress part of their plan? I don’t know my friends, all I can say for sure is that they’ll stop at nothing to carry out their vague and undefined plan.

Try not to get a hard on while looking at it, but TMZ has a picture of Lindsay Lohan taken last night in Cannes, and to her right there appears to be several lines of coke on a glass table while she parties on a yacht with the Sicilian Jimmy Fallon and Rosanne Rosannadanna. The theme of the party was, “jokes people make about the 80′s”.

Point being, today the prosecutor handling Lindsays probation case back in LA (keep in mind Lindsay is on probation for 2 counts of possession of cocaine among other things) seemed to find the picture thought provoking…

Now we’re not saying what the powder is, but Danette Meyers, the prosecutor in her DUI case told Radar exclusively: “I hope that isn’t cocaine in the pictures.”

I wonder if it would violate her probation if she did coke in another country. I also wonder why Megan Fox is being so icy. Is it something I said at breakfast this morning?