Us magazine has a story that should be completely unbelievable but then you remember who it's about and you end up believing every word of it.  The short version is, a drugged-up looking Britney tried on underwear in the middle of a sex store and then stole a wig.  The longer version is:

Shortly before 1 a.m. on November 18, Britney Spears entered the X-rated Hustler Store in West Hollywood.
Spears loaded up on naughty skivvies and headed to the fitting rooms. But store employees "told her they don't allow people to try on underwear," a source at the scene says. "She was really upset."
Adds the source: "She looked out of it. There was nothing going on behind her eyes."
At that point, Spears threw a fit, and took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boy shorts in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on.
An eyewitness tells Us, "The employees kept saying 'Don't change out here!' She's just like, 'Well, I couldn't take them in the fitting room!' It was like dealing with a child."
Spears' tantrum only continued. "The staff told her she had to pay, and she rolled her eyes, but paid with a credit card," the source tells Us. As payback, "on her way out, she went up to a mannequin, snatched the wig off the head, and stole it!"

It's amazing what a fuckup this chick is.  She's like a damn cyborg – she can't be stopped, she can't be bargained with, she can't be reasoned with.  And don't try laser beams, our earth weapons only make her stronger.

The New York Daily News and Star magazine must hate you – you personally – because their headline this morning is about a secret Britney Spears sex room where she keeps all her handcuffs and whips and stuff and the fact that she has fecal matter from her dogs and babies smeared all over her couch.  Delightful, yes?

…the plummeting pop star's Mulholland Drive mansion is equipped with a double-locked, X-rated "Fantasy Room" filled with ticklers, whips and fur-trimmed handcuffs hanging from the metal bedframe.  The second-floor room also features a mirrored ceiling, a glass jar containing spanking paddles and a closet full of kinky outfits
"She wears Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, a maid's uniform and a Cinderella outfit … Britney is sexually obsessed," the source tells Star.
Star's source also claims the house is a stinky sty — that the white couches bear hideous stains of diaper-changing and Britney's dog. According to the tab, a "court-appointed watchdog" is set to declare the place a potential "health hazard."

They also say something about her being pregnant again but thanks to a weak gag reflex, I never made it that far.  It's like this story was filtered through magic to inventory my nightmares and spill them onto the page.  I'm genuinely surprised there's not a paragraph about me going to the mall naked and sexy cheerleaders laughing at my penis.