i dont feel so good

By brendon March 09, 2010 @ 4:53 PM

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The hobbits from that ‘Little People, Big World’ show on TLC are in Hawaii today, perhaps to check on their hidden pots of gold. If anyone there is reading this you should follow them. Or just kidnap them and force them to give you their treasure.

Don’t take this the wrong way, but these pictures would be a good ad if the government wanted to start a state run infanticide program.

In hindsight, there might only be one way to take that. But I’m sick today and took two percocet an hour ago so I don’t even fuckin care right now.

(image source = pacific coast news)

what a good day for movie trailers

By brendon March 09, 2010 @ 3:55 PM

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If you’re an excitable nerd I mean cool guy like I am, you have tons of sex with many beautiful ladies. More to the point, you have Apple and Yahoo and Trailer Addict all bookmarked because movie trailers are cool.

So today was big because the long awaited trailer for Tron: Legacy is out, as well as a second trailer for Iron Man 2. This one spends more time on the great Sam Rockwell, but more importantly it has Scarlett Johansson arching her back.

This is about as good as it gets lately because she stopped being slutty fun when she hooked up with that goody-goody Mr. Perfect, Ryan Reynolds. Based on that and that alone, I feel like Canada should be considered our mortal enemy from now until they divorce.

is this the bachelor sex tape?

By brendon March 09, 2010 @ 3:26 PM

sex-tape

No. At least according to E! online, who continues to be a big fan of Tyler.

A 15-second dirty video that went live on (NSFW site!) Pornhub.com today may look like her, but the blond woman shown “is clearly not her,” her rep, Stacie Vanchieri, tells E! News exclusively.
“I’ve seen the tape,” she continues. “Anyone who has met her once would know it’s not her. The woman has a different body, hands, face, everything.”

If the girl on the tape is Rozlyn Papa, it was made when she was 11 because the girl in the tape is flat as a board and Rozlyn is very much the opposite of that. Rozlyn is also fantastic looking, and way way hotter. As further proof that it’s not her, there’s no record of Rozlyn ever being raped, and the guy in the tape is black.

(oh it’s a joke, calm down.)

lindsay wants $100,000,000. over this.

By brendon March 09, 2010 @ 1:54 PM

If anyone thought she was done acting like a spoiled, drunken retard, you can kill that because Lindsay Lohan is suing E Trade Securities for 100 million dollars over their commercial featuring a “milk-a-holic” named Lindsay. Seriously.

Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.
“Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit,” Ovadia said.
“They used the name Lindsay … This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”
She says Lohan is owed $50 million in exemplary damages, plus another $50 million in compensatory damages.

Implying that Lindsay Lohan drinks too much milk is the nicest thing anyone has said about her in 5 years, so she better hope she was high when she did this. If her brain was running at full capacity, she needs to put on a helmet immediately and never take it off to protect whatever is left.

If anyone should be sued for defamation it should be Lindsay by other girls named Lindsay. According to the Social Security website and its ranking of popular names, ‘Lindsay’ has fallen every year for the past 10, from number 161 to number 380.

Even the name ‘Adolf’ started to make a comeback in 1948, just 3 years after Hitler died. Percentage wise, ‘Adolf’ and its variations have held up better in the US than the name ‘Lindsay’.

According to her attorney, everyone thinks of Lindsay Lohan when they hear the name ‘Lindsay’, so that means Lohan has done more damage to her name than Hitler did to his. I’m not gonna lie to you; I’ve seen better legal strategies.

(sorry for the late start, btw. sick as hell today)

kelly brook won the academy awards

By brendon March 08, 2010 @ 5:19 PM

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On her way to the Academy Awards last night, Kelly Brook and her DDD breasts stopped by the Pacific Desighn Center in West Hollywood, where Elton John would host his after party in just a few hours, and either a ray of golden sunlight wrapped itself around her because it was so late in the afternoon, or because she and I are supposed to fall in love.

(source = pacific coast news and wenn)

By brendon March 08, 2010 @ 4:32 PM

hello

(source = splash news online)

bar refaeli is historically important

By brendon March 08, 2010 @ 3:39 PM

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These pictures of Bar Refaeli at last nights Vanity Fair party got me wondering where Jewish people rank her on lists of great Jews throughout history. Jews love organizing things, so I knew they would have plenty of lists like that, and I was right. But then things quickly took a perplexing turn. It seems crazy, but none of the lists I found even had her in the top 5? Oh I know, right? What the hell is that all about?

Moses, Abraham, David and Jesus were in most of the top 5 lists because of their miracles and religious leadership, but if all 4 of them were doing pretty much the same thing, how hard could it have really been? Meanwhile there’s only one Bar. So those 4 are out.

That leaves only Einstein, whose Theory of Relativity showed how a large amount of energy could be released from a small amount of matter. This would eventually lead to the atomic bombs that killed 250,000 Japanese in WWII. Unlike Einstein’s insatiable thirst for blood and hunger to kill, Bar sends only a message of love and peace.

So do these new findings mean that Bar Refaeli is the greatest Jew of all time? According to the data, yes. Yes she is.

vanessa hudgens knows how to dress

By brendon March 08, 2010 @ 11:38 AM

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Vanessa Hudgens wore one of her awesome backless dresses to the Vanity Fair party last night, and this one had a plunging neckline too. It showed twice the skin, making it twice as awesome. Her date Zac Efron (not pictured) could barely contain himself when he first saw it, and couldn’t wait to get her out of it. But eventually they agreed that Vanessa should be the one to wear it, and although disappointed, Zac understood that it wasn’t time yet.

(picture source = getty images)