Amy Winehouse died from not drinking

By brendon July 28, 2011 @ 9:12 PM

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If you’re like the friends and family of Amy Winehouse, you looked at her and saw a rock-steady pillar of strength and an iron will. You’re also in deep deep denial, and laugh out loud stupid.

Amy Winehouse’s family are convinced she was killed by QUITTING booze, The Sun can reveal.
They believe the singer’s decision to lay off alcohol completely for three weeks was a lethal “shock” for her tiny body.

NOTE: she was still drinking up until the day she died but whatever.

Family sources say Amy died after ignoring her doctor’s advice to cut down on her heavy drinking gradually.
And the tragic star’s loved ones believe she was killed by a seizure because her tiny 4ft 11in frame could not cope with such a dramatic withdrawal.

As proof, consider the time when that scientist guy in the cave built that magnet to keep the shrapnel out of Tony Starks heart. Without the magnet inside of him, Tony would die. This is exactly like that. Except with whiskey.

Kourtney Kardashian knows how to shop

By brendon July 28, 2011 @ 8:30 PM

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Kourtney Kardashian went shopping today around Melrose with her sister Khloe, and she did it in the shortest possible thing that she could wear and still be considered a piece of clothing. In fact Khloe was heard to joke, “That thing wouldn’t even cover my balls.”

(image source = splash)

Denise Richards: beautiful vixen, fun loving friend

By brendon July 28, 2011 @ 5:20 PM

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Denise Richards has written a book that came out on Tuesday, because as the description says…

“(We’ve) seen her many public faces—the beautiful vixen, the devoted mother, the hard-working entertainer, and the fun-loving friend. But how well do we really know Denise Richards?”

It’s an intriguing question, and one I’m very interested in getting to the bottom of, especially now that this weeks Us magazine cover story says there are even more layers to Denise, such as “dimwitted medical patient”.

Denise Richards hasn’t always been happy with her body (and now she) opens up about her series of botched boob jobs.
“When I was 19, a doctor put in bigger implants than what I asked for. I was in such a hurry to get them that I didn’t research my doctor. I just thought because they’re a plastic surgeon, they must be good. You have to be your advocate for your own body and ask 100 questions.”

Ask my doctors questions? Maybe if I was a hypochondriac. I prefer to just wing it before surgery. In fact sometimes I play a little game where I lie to them about my symptoms and see if they can figure it out. It makes taking the medication they prescribe more exciting.

guess whose sexy legs these are!

By brendon July 28, 2011 @ 4:25 PM

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So who strutted their sexy body around Beverly Hills yesterday for a little retail therapy! Here’s a hint: she’s in “Love” with getting attention for herself by telling girls to embrace their natural body type, while at the very same time she makes them feel bad about themselves by denying her body type and lying about her weight and dress size and going on crash diets or doing a People magazine cover to say how great it is to be “thin” or saying she idolizes girls like Giselle Bundchen and Halle Berry because of their perfect bodies.

Here’s another hint: she’s insane.

‘Battleship’: dumbest movie ever?

By brendon July 28, 2011 @ 2:17 PM

A few years ago of course, Hasbro tricked Universal into a deal to make movies based on thier toys. Except for Transformers and GI Joe, which already had deals with Paramount. In other words, except for the only two toys that could be turned into movies. That left Universal with Monopoly, Candyland, Clue, Ouija, Magic: The Gathering, Stretch Armstrong and… this. Battleship.

So they made a battleship movie. With aliens.

They have fucking aliens in it.

Instead of making a World War II movie about battleships, maybe one about Leyte Gulf, the largest naval battle in the history of the world, which had like 30 battleships in it, they made this.

A modern day battleship movie. With aliens.

Um, just in case you’re a girl, the US Navy hasn’t had a battleship in its fleet for like 20 years. The big money shot at the end? This? That’s an Iowa class battleship. We don’t have those anymore. Battleships aren’t even listed on the Navys inventory anymore. They were torn apart for scrap metal. 5 or 6 are still around as memorials, but they couldn’t fire any more than they could have a giant helicopter blade come out of the top and fly away. This would be like if they made ‘Top Gun’ today, and everyone had a Raptor except for Tom Cruise, who had a white scarf and leather helmet and flew a bi-plane.

Lindsays ‘Gotti’ movie sounds pretty great

By brendon July 28, 2011 @ 12:24 AM

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I used to think the producers of the John Gotti movie (including Stuttering John) were poser retards who had no idea what the fuck they were doing. But it turns out their website plays the Madonna song ‘Hollywood’, which is where many movies are made. You can’t get much more professional than that.

And then they cast big names like John Travolta (who will act in literally anything and hasn’t made a good movie since 1998) and Lindsay Lohan (in a role so prestigious they first offered it to Kim Kardashian) and, amazingly enough, Joe Pesci. I have no idea how but they actually got Joe Pesci to play a mob enforcer.

He’s one of the greatest actors ever, and this is the role he’s best at, so maybe they know what they’re doing after all. What do you think Entertainment Weekly?

Actor Joe Pesci is suing Fiore Films, the production company behind the John Gotti biopic, for $3 million.
The suit alleges that the company used Pesci’s name to drum up interest in the project, only to rescind an offer for Pesci to play Gotti enforcer and childhood friend Angelo Ruggiero.

Actually they changed their mind and asked him to play a lesser role for a third of what they already agreed to pay him. Joe Pesci. The guy from ‘Goodfellas’ and ‘Casino’. The guy who has only made 2 movies since 1998. They goy him out of semi-retirement to play a mob psycho, for the bargain rate of $3 million. And then after he agreed to it they decided he should play some other guy instead for $1 million.

But wait, let’s ask the guy who thinks he’s Chili Palmer for his side of the story.

Mike Fiore, CEO of Fiore Films, claimed it was Pesci who had pulled out of the project.
“Before we had a deal, Mr. Pesci walked away,” says Fiore, who also contends he’s considering countersuing Pesci. “He’s wasting his time and everybody else’s time. I might be a newbie in town. This newbie is not going to get bulled around.”

Yes, clearly. You’re very tough. It was very wise of you to screw over a universally respected and liked actor. He would have given your mafia movie instant credibility, but your lead is the guy who played Edna Turnblad in ‘Hairspray’, so I guess you already got that covered.

Julia Roberts: so photoshopped its illegal

By brendon July 27, 2011 @ 7:42 PM

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If you were to open a popular ladies magazine in England today and see this ad for Lancome cosmetics, you might shriek, “Is that supposed to be Julia Roberts? Why does she look so young? Am I back in 1995? What have you done to me, popular ladies magazine? When am I?!?!”

But don’t blame the magazine. It just turns out that Lancome makes moisturizer, not magic potions. The Guardian says…

L’Oréal has been forced to pull ad campaigns featuring Julia Roberts (after complaints) that the images were overly airbrushed.
The ASA ruled that both ads breached the advertising standards code for exaggeration and being misleading and banned them from future publication.

L’Oréal’s two-page ad featuring Roberts, who is the face of Lancôme, promoting a foundation called Teint Miracle, which it claims creates a “natural light” that emanates from beautiful skin.
(But) images of both celebrities had been digitally manipulated and were “not representative of the results the product could achieve”.

It’s no surprise that a cosmetics company would exaggerate, but they were just begging to get caught by trying this with Julia Roberts. Or will their lotion fix your teeth too? Her crows feet are so bad she wears sunglasses constantly, even at night. Even at night, indoors.

Here’s a side-by-side of Lancomes “Julia Roberts” and Realitys Julia Roberts at the premiere of ‘Larry Crowne’ two weeks ago. “Julia Roberts” looks 19. Lancome might as well claim they can reanimate the dead. Either they’re lying or it’s made with the tears of a Phoenix.

thank God for Brandi Glanville in a bikini

By brendon July 27, 2011 @ 3:55 PM

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Unlike Amy Winehouse, “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” star Brandi Glanville put on a pink bikini and quietly walked around the beach in Malibu, because she’s not a theatrical little cry baby. Fine Amy. Yeah, good, go do more drugs Amy, that’ll be fine, you don’t need help you know-it-all little bitch. Come on, everyone, let’s all go pay attention to Amy so her little hissy fit won’t go to waste.

(image source = pacific coast)