Paris Hilton’s Fourth Of July Party

July 5, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Paris Hilton was the life of the beach party at her 4th of July event. She expertly performed her six standard poses with smiles, wore an American flag skirt given to her by the Emir of Qatar after an evening spent trying to translate the word ‘herpes’ into Arabic, and forgot to bring the potato […]

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The Shannon Twins In Bikinis

July 5, 2013 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I hate when you run into twins you’ve met several times and you still can’t tell which one is which. At some point they figure out you don’t know who is who and they bust you like you’re some outrageously impolite bastard. Yeah, it’s that, or, you two fucking zygotes look exactly the same. Don’t […]

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Jay-Z’s ‘Magna Carta Holy Grail Upstages Real Magna Carta

July 5, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Jay-Z decided to reveal the art for his new album Magna Carta Holy Grail by displaying it publicly at Salisbury Cathedral in England…next to the real Magna Carta. In case you were asleep that day in history class, the Magna Carta is a document that a group of British nobles forced King John to sign […]

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Reese Witherspoon In a Swimsuit on Independence Day

July 5, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The last time we saw Reese Witherspoon, she was drunk-bitching out an Atlanta cop for arresting her husband for DUI. She simply wanted to remind the local constable that Hollywood celebrities get special treatment. But that rube just wouldn’t listen. So Reese got cuffed and booked and for a few hours I got to imagine […]

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Sharon Stone Would Like Your Attention, Please

July 5, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Sharon Stone has been hanging out in Paris for Fashion Week with one of her young sons, and it’s safe to say that the kid is never going to have to worry about receiving a failing grade from any of his male teachers. The 55-year old actress had her high beams in full effect while […]

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Miley Cyrus Thinks She’s Lil Kim And Jay-Z Isn’t Helping (VIDEO)

July 5, 2013 | video | editor| 0 Comments

Miley Cyrus recently told Billboard that, among others, she considers Lil Kim and Nikki Minaj to be two of her main female musical influences, because she really thinks that she’s a black hip hop star. That’s why the daughter of a guy named Billy Ray is proud as a Georgia peach that she’s good at […]

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The UFC’s Pool Party Looked Wonderful

July 5, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

I don’t watch the UFC very much, because I prefer that my organized fights include homeless people and little bags of crystal meth, but I’m told that the UFC has some very attractive ring girls that walk around in bikinis in between rounds. Sure enough, those girls were all hanging out at the UFC’s 4th […]

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America, Fuck Yeah

July 5, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

For all her flaws and faults, America remains the best damn country on the planet. It’s not as clearly better as it used to be, but it’s still better. All the shit that infiltrates and degrades a more enlightened existence still starts out here and then slowly oozes out to the rest of the world. […]

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Amanda Bynes Wasting Away to Something

July 5, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’m not exactly sure what happens at 100 lbs. Maybe the deep space portal opens up and sucks her back to her home planet where her crazy is perceived as all-knowing insight. Or, she just gets rushed back to the mental hospital for a feeding tube and a patient nurse who reads Make Way for […]

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Joey Chestnut Eats 69 Hot Dogs To Victory (VIDEO)

July 5, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Competitive eating is not a sport. And it’s really fucking disturbing. Not because it involves the gross consumption of food for entertainment value while hundreds of millions of kids are trying to catch a cricket for dinner to keep from starving. Those kids will grow up hungry and ambitious and run dictatorships in their small […]

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