Ashlee Simpson got fired

By brendon October 23, 2009 @ 10:11 AM


You have to wake up pretty early in the morning to fool the CW. Those people are really smart. No one watches ‘Melrose Place’, but it gets press anyway because the cast features Ashlee Simpson and Heather Locklear. With this in mind, they just fired Ashlee Simpson. It’s like a well-played game of chess, my friends. TV Watch reports…

The decision to cut (her has always) been “the original plan going into the development of the show,” executive producer Todd Slavkin tells EW. “We felt that once the murder mystery [involving their characters] was resolved, the tone of the show was going to shift … and her character would move on.”

Ah yes, the big murder mystery that no one has been talking about. I guess now that this plot line that no one knew existed has been resolved, there was no reason to keep around the character that zero people knew may or may not have been at the heart of it. Next they should change the name from ‘Melrose Place’ to ‘Lawn Care and You’, just to make sure no one ever hears of the show again, even accidentally.

(image source = fame) update 2

By brendon October 23, 2009 @ 10:10 AM

Someone was nice enough to send over a link from the New York Times saying the same ad-redirect thing has happened to them (log in screen here, article screencap here) and Fox News among others. So this virus is all over the place. WE’RE GONNA DIE!

But until we feel deaths icy grip, some squirrel melts would really hit the spot.

Ali Lohan is in good, nicotine-stained hands

By brendon October 22, 2009 @ 5:13 PM


When Lindsay Lohan came to Hollywood, she didn’t have anyone to show her how to be a total fuck up, but with hard work and a little pinch of magic, she managed to party away millions of dollars and destroy her career beyond all repair by age 23. Luckily Ali Lohan has Lindsay to show her the ropes. What could go wrong?  E Online says…

We’ve been seeing Lindsay Lohan drag her 15-year-old sister, Ali, around to various late-night events (but) according to Lindsay, Ali can handle it.
“She’s tougher than I am,” Linds told Life & Style. “She has a good head on her shoulders. Maybe it was different for me because I didn’t know what to expect and it just happened really fast. I didn’t have a big sister.”
Already, Ali’s got one thing going for her because she knows when to call it a night and do her homework…
“She’s really good about that,” Lindsay says. ”If I’m going out late, she’ll go home early.”

That is the only reason Ali may have any chance. No matter what else happens, at least she has the structure of her school to keep her grounded.

No I was joking of course. Ali doesn’t go to school. Don’t be ridiculous. She’s home schooled. By Dina Lohan. Yep. A typical days course load consists of them giggling about how if “course load” was spelled “coarse load” that would sound like someone was talking about cum, and then they go get some cigarettes. The End. Ali must be learning a lot. Pardon me, DR. Ali must be learning a lot.

Nicole Kidman is really smart

By brendon October 22, 2009 @ 1:07 PM


Is Nicole Kidman even American? If not she needs to zip it.

Nicole Kidman spoke to the US Congress yesterday to accuse Hollywood of contributing to violence against women by portraying them as sex objects.
Kidman was speaking yesterday in her role as a UN ambassador to a House foreign affairs subcommittee that is considering legislation to tackle violence against women overseas.
When asked by Republican representative Dana Rohrabacher whether the film industry “played a bad role” in the way it portrayed women, Kidman replied “Probably”.

If Nicole Kidman was still hot I would go rape her, because according to that first paragraph, technically it was Hollywood Movies that raped her. I didn’t want to, but the movie made me. It’s a disturbing pattern.  After watching ‘Rocky’ I was Heavyweight Champ for 15 months, and after seeing ‘Patton’ I went around slapping cowards and ordering them back to the front. Won’t someone help me!

(image source = getty images)

is she wearing makeup?

By brendon October 22, 2009 @ 12:31 PM


Today is boring, so it’s a good thing that mostly naked Aussie girls never go out of style. In this case, Sophie Monk, “surfing” outside LA yesterday. She’s not really surfing of course, just using the surfboard as a prop to pose for the paparazzi. But that’s ok, for I believe that women have to right to live their lives any way they like, especially if what they like is to be an attention starved hussy who runs around in bikinis. She could swing around in the tire at a monkey house for all I care, as long as there’s a solid chance her tits might fall out of her top, I’m here to support you.

thats not how you wear those

By brendon October 22, 2009 @ 10:20 AM


Gerard Butler has made it up to “S” in his directory of women in Hollywood to have sex with, and apparently first in line was “Simpson, Jessica”.  Page Six says…

Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler had a date at Soho House Tuesday night, with friends including her hair stylist pal, Ken Paves.
“They were at a table with friends, but Jessica and Gerard, who sat next to each other, seemed to only be interested in each other and chatted for hours. They were laughing and flirting and eventually left together, along with Ken.”

People must feel confident when making a move on Jessica, because she was married to Nick Lachey. How high could her standards really be? If I were a girl I’d rather be raped by a guy whose penis was literally on fire while he was raping me than have sex with that moon-faced doofus Lachey.

Theres a new Wolfman trailer

By brendon October 22, 2009 @ 8:18 AM

It seems like ‘the Wolfman’ was filmed years and years ago, but now it’s finally wrapped up and last night a second trailer arrived. Benecio Del Toro is the Wolfman of course, and Anthoiny Hopkins plays his father. Presumably the movie explains how Anthony Hopkins, who looks like Santa, begat Benecio Del Toro, who sounds like mumbly BumbleBee man.

But even better than a trailer is this World Exclusive clip given to me by one of my inside Hollywood sources. WARNING: HEAVY SPOILERS. Come back here when you’re done.

Okay are you back? Awesome right? Talk about action. And the effects! I guess this is a rough cut so there’s still some polish to do but I was still pretty scared.

Read more >

marisa. millers. ass.

By brendon October 21, 2009 @ 9:08 PM


When you’re shooting for the new Victorias Secret catalog, theres no time to seek out fancy closets or changing rooms, so brave pioneers like Marisa Miller just take their clothes off right there on the beach. It’s why a lot of the top experts think she’ll go down in history as one of the greatest people to ever live. Unlike Aristotle, who thought the sun revolved around the Earth. Hahaha, wrong again dickhead!  Try reading a book sometime retard!