oh fuck you, Bradley Cooper

By brendon June 02, 2011 @ 11:47 AM

Does impossibly handsome and charming millionaire movie star Bradley Cooper speak fluent French? Of course he does. Why wouldn’t he.

“Blake has never taken nude photos of herself.”

By brendon June 02, 2011 @ 10:03 AM

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That was the official statement about the Blake Lively iPhone pictures that leaked Tuesday night. That’s what her representative said. He said, “The photos of Blake Lively which have just surfaced on various websites are 100 percent FAKE. Blake has never taken nude photos of herself.”

If it wasn’t already clear it should be now, but don’t ever insult someone smart enough to hack your cell phone. Because now the guy who released the original 5 pictures has released 12 more to prove that these are, as was obvious from the beginning, Blake Lively. He was telling the truth the whole time, yet was labeled a liar and a fraud by some simply because of their own fear and insecurities. But hackers have feelings too. They’re not monsters. In a case like this you have to ask yourself if maybe, just maybe, we are the monsters.

(UPDATED) direct links to all of the uncensored NSFW pics here:
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this movie already looks horrible

By brendon June 01, 2011 @ 6:05 PM

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Russell Brand was really good in ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’, which was a good movie, and after that he signed on to do a bunch of other movies. Now were right in the middle of the lull between him doing those movies and Hollywood figuring out that a little of that guy goes a long fuckin way and audiences sort of hate him.

With that in mind, Russell Brand was in costume today on the set of ‘Rock of Ages’ in Fort Lauderdale. If you don’t know, this is based on a Broadway play, and will combine elaborate song and dance numbers with horrible 80’s rock with Tom Cruise with Russell Brand.  Which sounds only slightly more entertaining than combining a bear trap with my nuts.

(image source = pacific coast)

Blake Lively is sick of herself

By brendon June 01, 2011 @ 4:23 PM

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It seems ironic that there are two Blake Lively stories today; one about her naked iPhone pictures that are all over the internet, the other because she’s on the July cover of Glamour and says she’s sick of seeing herself on the internet.

While Twitter is all the rage among Blake Lively’s narcissistic colleagues, that’s exactly the reason why the leggy blond will never join the tweeting masses.
“People ask me why I don’t tweet,” the July cover girl told Glamour magazine. “Honestly, I’m so sick of myself.”

After that Glamour asks her what it’s like to get ready for a big party and how she picks out clothes. It’s an amazing interview. I haven’t been this intrigued since a guy behind me in line complimented my order at Quiznos, and told me he had gotten that particular sandwich on several occasions. Imagine that. Several. Glamour should do a story about this.

Chrissy Teigen is photogenic

By brendon June 01, 2011 @ 2:54 PM

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Supermodel Chrissy Teigen isn’t just some one trick pony who can only model bikinis for Sports Illustrated, and this month she shows her range by modeling bikinis for Vegas magazine. There’s seemingly no limit to the magazines she can model bikinis in.

The point of this isn’t to get Chrissy wet and tell her to arch her back so they can photograph it of course, it’s so Vegas can explain what the hot new fashions will be at the pool this summer, since they change so much from year to year. I learned that the hard way this weekend when I went to the pool in my white sunglasses and baggy day-glo t-shirt with RELAX on the front.

note: be sure to follow chrissy on twitter. because she’s awesome.

Kim Kardashian is not pregnant

By brendon June 01, 2011 @ 1:44 PM

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The new issue of life and style says that Kim Kardashian wants to get married in the next two months, and now OK maybe knows the reason why; because the godless whore has been laying down with a man and having intercourse. And now she’s pregnant!

Except she’s not! And OK knows she’s not. But that would make a boring cover, so instead they came up with a calculated way to deceive people, as Kim explained on her website earlier today.

“Magazines can be so tricky with their wording! The inside states that one day I want a baby! But I’m not pregnant!”

Oh good. Thanks OK. This is a much better way to write a magazine. It’s more fun when I have to analyze every sentence and crack the code to discover the truth. It’s like I’m Indiana Jones.

Paris Hilton is upset bc people assume she’s a slut

By brendon June 01, 2011 @ 1:12 PM

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Paris Hilton and her mom were on CNN last night, so obviously this was no time to talk about her infamous sex tape.

I’m just kidding, that’ll be fine. But only so Paris can talk about how she doesn’t want to talk about it.

“This is not what I planned. I didn’t want to be known as that.
“And now when people look at me they think that I’m something I’m not just because of one incident one night with someone who I was in love with.
“People assume ‘Oh, she’s a slut’ because of one thing that happened to me and it’s hard because I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life and explain it to my children.”

Aww, the poor little lamb. It’s not fair. It’s like, you sell one home movie of yourself on your knees blowing some guy or getting fucked from behind while you positon your face to make sure the camera is filming you, or you yell about “niggers” at a party, or how the “blacks … steal shit”, or you flash your tits during a 5 day coke binge, or while stoned on a yacht, or get arrested with coke or smuggle coke in your vagina, and all of a sudden people make these assumptions and try to label you as some kind of “party girl”. We’ve all been there. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, I say.

(image source = splash news)

the naked Blake Lively pictures are probably real

By brendon June 01, 2011 @ 2:01 AM

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Earlier tonight, pictures surfaced showing a girl with long blond hair and a perfect body, naked, taking pictures of herself in a mirror with a silver iPhone wrapped in a black case. Awesome, right? But awesome gets awesomer because the girl in the pictures is reportedly ‘Gossip Girl’ star/hot piece of ass Blake Lively.

Unfortunately, a representative for Blake had to cock block and immediately dismissed them as fakes.

“The photos of Blake Lively which have just surfaced on various websites are 100 percent FAKE. Blake has never taken nude photos of herself.”

Well then this is an amazing coincidence because Blake Lively has long blond hair and a perfect body, and in 2008 she had a silver iPhone wrapped in a black case. Just like the one in the naked pictures Blake has never taken. Here she is with it on February 8. And April 7. And June 19. Another clue that it might be her is that it’s a fucking picture, and I’m looking right at her. This representative guy has got some balls.

(NSFW uncensored pics here and here and here and here and here)

SEXY UPDATEnow with 12 new pictures.