January Jones gave birth

By brendon September 15, 2011 @ 5:17 PM


“X-citing news!”, Us magazine annoyingly writes, because January Jones, seen here two weeks ago at a Trader Joes in LA, has finally given birth after getting pregnant during the filming of ‘X-Men: First Class’.

January Jones gave birth to a baby boy named Xander Dane Jones on Tuesday, her rep tells Us Weekly.
“Mom and baby are doing great,” the rep says.
Jones announced her pregnancy in April (but) has not yet disclosed the identity of Xander’s father.

Well so far she sounds like a terrific mom. Xander. That’s cute. Giving the kid a name that serves as a constant reminder that his mom is a slut who probably slept with the married director seems like a perfectly healthy thing to do. My sources tell me if it had been a girl she would chosen between the names Tequila and Star Ring Role.

(image source = fame)

BREAKING NEWS: Jennifer Aniston is dull

By brendon September 15, 2011 @ 4:46 PM


In an interview that comes out this weekend in Parade magazine, Brad Pitt confirms what everyone already suspected; that Jennifer Aniston is a soul-crushing bore.

After saying how he loves his life now (with Angelina Jolie and their 6 kids) he adds that wasn’t always the case.

“I spent the ’90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony,” he admits. “I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic. It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself.”
“I think that my marriage had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.”


“…I wasn’t living an interesting life … I think that my marriage had something to do with it.”

Oohh, you don’t say. You didn’t want to talk about her haircut anymore? That’s hard to believe. As soon as she said she had to use the restroom on our very first date I would have run out of the restaurant like Indiana Jones diving out of the cave right before that big boulder got him.

Kirstie Alley lost, ahem, 100 pounds

By brendon September 15, 2011 @ 3:36 PM


Kirstie Alley told Entertainment Tonight that she’s now reached her diet goal and, are you ready to be wowed, is a size 4 after LOSING 100 POUNDS!!!

Meanwhile, back in reality, she’s a size 12, at best, after maybe losing 40 pounds, but got a flattering outfit one day and stood at angles that hid her giant ass during this interview.

“I feel like I’m back in my element. I honestly didn’t even realize what I looked like,” she told the show.
On September 13th, Alley made her modeling debut, walking for Zang Toi during New York Fashion week, showing off her new figure.
After years of suffering insults for her weight, Alley is proud to show off her new body and even more proud that she did it without the help of surgery.
“I haven’t had plastic surgery, but here’s the reason: People do plastic surgery to make you look younger,” she told “ET.” “I don’t think it makes you look younger … it can make you look weird.”

Yeah. That would be a shame. If you looked weird. Unlike what you look like now, which is Darth Vaders boss. That’s much more soothing to be around.

(image source = getty)

Jay Z has a secret child

By brendon September 15, 2011 @ 3:10 PM


Last month Jay Z and Beyonce announced that they were expecting a baby, the first child for each of them, unless you count Jay Z’s other kid that he’s kept stashed away for 9 years as if he were Harry Potter.

Radar says in the most convoluted and poorly written way possible that Jay “has a secret son with a Trinidadian model, according to the father of the man originally identified as the child’s father.” This has reportedly been confirmed by DNA tests.

“…while Beyonce was initially livid about the secret son, she’s stood by her husband. The boy closely resembles Jay, who’s reportedly paying Shenelle child support.”

Wow, a black guy with a child out of wedlock? Well this is the first I’ve heard of anything like this. I hope the rap community doesn’t ostracize him. They don’t really condone this kind of thing.

(image source = getty)

damn you Lindsay

By brendon September 15, 2011 @ 1:43 PM


Lindsay Lohan hosted a party for Lovecat magazine at the Standard hotel in New York last night, and nothing says you’re still a big star quite like hosting a party for a magazine that I doubt actually exists on a Wednesday. With your mom. The only reason I care at all is because she let us see her tits, but please note that she has no friends. The only people who ever hang out with her are her sister and her mom. She could go party with cardboard cut out of Angelina Jolie and it would be cooler than this.

(image source = splash)

burglars stole and ate Nic Cages fudgesicle

By brendon September 15, 2011 @ 12:22 PM


Why does insane shit like this only happen to Nic Cage.

Cage, at the Toronto film festival promoting the film ‘Trespass’ about a home invasion, said that he has actually lived through the nightmare in real life.
“It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed,” he told reporters on Wednesday.
“I know it sounds funny … but it was horrifying.”

I bet it was Nic. Because if there’s two things Nic Cage loves, its leather jackets and fudgesicles, and this dirty bum had just taken away one of each!

everyone loves the Kardashians

By brendon September 14, 2011 @ 4:15 PM

On one hand, this anchor from the Philadelphia morning show on Fox was being mean to Kim and Kourtney Kardashian for no reason. On the other hand, fuck them.

Gerard Butler sure showed them

By brendon September 14, 2011 @ 2:52 PM


Gerard Butler was trying to have dinner in New York last night but was interrupted when the paparazzi tried to take his picture, so he turned the tables and took some pictures of them. Because repeatedly yelling someones name while they have a private conversation and taking their picture with a camera that looks like a telescope = pointing your phone at someone who doesn’t care and making a grumpy face. Totally the same thing.

Actors are idiots, by the way.

(image source = pacific coast)