Jennifer Aniston is a drunk

By brendon January 06, 2011 @ 5:09 PM

A lot of people are making fun of Jennifer Aniston today because she was drunk at the Peoples Choice Awards last night and could barely slur enough words together to give Adam Sandler his award. Actually she didn’t slur enough words together because she forgot one of the two awards, but reading words out loud is incredibly hard. They should have someone else do that. Maybe that homeless guy. They were expecting too much, they should have made it easier. They could say “to present this award, here’s Jennifer Ansiton”, and she could come out and they could have a chair and she could sit down, and then the homeless guy could read the names and Jennifer could say “yyaaayyy” and clap her hands and then the winner could come up and get the trophy from a model and she’d be like “ooohhhh” and she could clap some more and then they’d finish and backstage they’d wave their arms and shout, “Jennifer, come on, over here,” and she’d eventually walk over and they would all be like, “yay Jennifer you did it” and she’d say “yay I did it!”

Jessica Szhor is naked for Sobe

By brendon January 06, 2011 @ 2:42 PM


About this time last year, Sobe tricked Ashley Greene into getting naked in front of them so they could take pictures of it. And it was fantastic. Yet for some reason, instead of re-creating that, this year Sobe hired Jessica Szhor of… I don’t know. Vampire Diaries? Gossip Girl? Pretty Little Liars? It’s one of those, I assume. So now she’s naked and it’s not as good. I feel like she should apologize for not being Ashley Greene. I dont appreciate that, at all, and I’m gonna punch her right in the stomach when I see her.

(source = splash news online)

Jenny McCarthy is not actually a doctor

By brendon January 06, 2011 @ 11:43 AM


Jenny McCarthy, Miss October 1993, who has now murdered 622 children, has spent the last few years insisting that vaccines gave her kid autism, despite the fact that it’s not true and her kid probably never had autism to begin with.

Her only real medical evidence came from a man named Andrew Wakefield, who, unlike Jenny, is a real doctor. That’s the good news. The bad news is his data is as real as her hair color and tits. The AP says…

The first study to link a childhood vaccine to autism was based on doctored information about the children involved, according to a new report on the widely discredited research.
The conclusions of the 1998 paper by Andrew Wakefield and colleagues was renounced by 10 of its 13 authors and later retracted by the medical journal Lancet, where it was published. Still, the suggestion the MMR shot was connected to autism spooked parents worldwide and immunization rates for measles, mumps and rubella have never fully recovered.
A new examination found, by comparing the reported diagnoses in the paper to hospital records, that Wakefield and colleagues altered facts about patients in their study.

So basically, Jenny Mccarthys kid is a dim wittted lump who just sits there like an asshole, not because he has autism, but because you get out what you put in, and any kid coming out of Jenny McCarthy was gonna be an easily befuddled dork. Just be happy he’s not trying to eat the god damned dog and stop blaming science for your cave dweller genetics.

Eliza Doolittle is… um… someone in a bikini

By brendon January 05, 2011 @ 8:29 PM


I’m guessing most people have no idea who Eliza Doolittle is, but she’s a 22 year old singer from London and more to the point she’s in Barbados in a bikini. Even morer to the point, the first week of January is always excruciatingly slow, and stuff like this passes off as news. But at least you got to learn who Eliza Doolittle is. And that’s what this website is all about. Infotainment.

(source = splash news online)

Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are not dating

By brendon January 05, 2011 @ 5:53 PM


Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock have been friends for over a decade and are both now famously single, but even though they’ve been doing things lately that people do when they’re dating, they’re apparently not dating.

despite speculation that a romance is brewing in the wake of their New Year’s Eve celebration, sources close to both stars tell PEOPLE that the stars’ relationship is strictly platonic.
Any notion of a romance between Reynolds and Bullock “is ridiculous,” says a source close to Reynolds. “They have been friends for 10 years and they celebrated New Year’s with others. That’s it. They really are just friends.”

Everyone loves Sandra Bullock, but yeah no shit hes not dating her. He could do way way better. He’s Ryan Reynolds. Of course he could date Sandra Bullock. He could date a duck too but why the hell would he.

Lindsay Lohan was drunk at Betty Ford

By brendon January 05, 2011 @ 2:44 PM


The bad news for Lindsay Lohan is that she apparently committed several different violations of her probation during her stay at the Betty Ford center. The good news is that it never seems to mater how many laws she breaks, so just throw these on the pile I guess.

Palm Desert Police Department officials believe Lindsay Lohan was under the influence of drugs or alcohol while at Betty Ford.
As TMZ first reported, the PD believes Lindsay committed violations of her probation — apart from the alleged December 12 battery.   Sources say the cops believe Lindsay was under the influence of drugs or alcohol — which would be a violation of her probation in the Beverly Hills DUI case.  And they believe she violated probation by refusing to submit to a breathalyzer.

And confirmation…

Lindsay Lohan may have violated not just one, but several violations of her probation while undergoing treatment at the Betty Ford Center according to the Palm Desert Police Department, which will be turning its findings over to the Riverside County District Attorney and the L.A. County Probation Office. As Radar previously reported, if (Lohan), 24, is found to have violated the conditions of her probation, she could be headed back to jail.

Lindsays lawyer says of course that Lindsay is completely innocent and that the cops are out to get her. Yeah cops are funny like that. Their always out to get criminals. Stubborn stubborn stubborn, always out, nosing around, “policing” if you will, their city.

Wednesday headlines

By brendon January 05, 2011 @ 12:07 PM


JAKE GYLLENHAAL AND TAYLOR SWIFT – broke up, and now that vindictive psychopath will no doubt try to embarrass him in one of her songs. “And people wonder why I’m gay,” Jake will no doubt say to himself. (

LINDSAY LOHAN – says she’s not stalking her ex Sam Ronson, and it’s just a coincidence that she moved across town to a house 30 feet from where Sam lives. And that seems reasonable. In a city of 15 million people, how could you NOT rent a house right next to your ex. It’s inevitable. (fox)

KATE GOSSELIN – is in Australia with her kids whom she clearly hates. Maybe thats why she’s teaching them that, when you see a crocodile in the water, go jump on it’s back and try to ride it. Come kids, there’s plenty of room, remember to make lots of quick, sudden moves.

Snooki likes waking up in garbage cans

By brendon January 05, 2011 @ 10:38 AM


Snooki and Oscar the Grouch are both dirty, ugly and let strange men fist them, but the similarities don’t end there, because she told Ellen Degeneres that there are still days when she wakes up in a garbage can. She calls those “good days”.

Ellen asked, “Now, when you say if you didn’t black out it’s a good night for you, are you serious?”
Dead serious, she said. “Yes, because I want to remember my night and sometimes I just don’t. It sucks. So you’re like, “What did I do? Why did I wake up in a garbage can?”
And when Ellen asks how often that happens, Snooki casually responded, “Oh, like once a month.”

It’s good to hear she doesn’t mind waking up in the garbage because if I ever accidentally have sex with her that’s exactly where she’s going when we’re done. Unless she’ll fit in the toilet.