morning headlines

By brendon February 10, 2011 @ 11:05 AM

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SCARLETT JOHANSSON – is 26, and she’s “smitten” with Sean Penn, who is 50. Obviously Penn is a jackass but I hope I can still nail girls half my age when I’m 50. And that my wife won’t be all cunty about it. (us)

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS – will release it’s first trailer today, though it probably won’t be that great considering how far behind schedule this movie is. It comes out June 3rd and they’re still filming. At least they have a great director in Matthew Vaughn, so maybe he can pull this off. And maybe I’ll nail Megan Fox in the ass today. Pretending sure is fun. (facebook)

JENNIFER ANISTON – wants to move to Manhattan. Aww, but I finally move back to LA next month. And now she’s getting a house in New York? There’s no way I can throw a rock that far. (us)

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO – is 29, and a mom, but thanks to things like this pilates class yesterday in Venice, she’s still the best looking girl on earth. It’s almost hard to believe how pretty she is. Like, if she rode there on a Pegasus, it would sort of make sense. (pacific coast)

Lindsay Lohan gets it

By brendon February 09, 2011 @ 7:58 PM

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Finally some pictures of Lindsay Lohan inside the courtroom as she entered a plea in her felony theft trial today. It was a good idea for her to wear that ridiculously short dress, because nothing says “respect for the court” quite like showing it that you took the time to shave.

This is what Lindsay Lohan is wearing in court

By brendon February 09, 2011 @ 5:14 PM

Lindsay Lohan arrived in court about two minutes ago, at 1:11pm pct, and this is what she’s wearing. To court. In a court room. Before a judge. Keep in mind that one thing the DA plans to argue is that Lindsay has no respect for the court.

There’s maybe a half dozen people on earth who are this dumb.

SEXY UPDATE - and, just about 45 minutes after she arrived, Lindsay is now done with court. She was remanded into custody, a new mugshot will be taken, and after her $20,000 bail is met, she’ll be released. Her hearing has been set for February 23rd at 8:30am. Maybe by then it will be warm enough for her to wear a bikini and rollerblades.

Victoria Beckham really likes her husband

By brendon February 09, 2011 @ 4:37 PM

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David and Victoria Beckham started dating in 1997 and got married in 1999, and they have three sons already with a fourth child on the way this summer, but as she made her way through the paparazzi last night after landing in New York you could see that the wallpaper on her gold iPhone is a picture of David with his shirt off. So I’m assuming things are still going pretty well with these two. And why wouldn’t it be, I guess. He’s still really rich and handsome, and she’s still so little and tight looking you could probably use her vagina to open a stubborn jar. What else is there in life?

Ashlee Simpson has filed for divorce

By brendon February 09, 2011 @ 1:36 PM

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz Leaving The Andy Lecompte Salon In West Hol

One time Pete Wentz gave Ashlee Simpson a 2 foot tall bee made of legos for an anniversary present. Another time he was partying with strippers in Vegas while she was home in L.A. posting pictures of their baby on twitter. Another time she went to the L.A. County Superior Courthouse and filed for divorce (note: that third one was today, just now).

Simpson cites “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for the divorce.
She’s asking for joint legal custody and primary physical custody of two-year-old Bronx.
Simpson is also asking for spousal and child support.
…there is no prenup.

One time I saw him in Silver Lake wearing a scarf and some weird hat and holding an umbrella. In other words he dresses like Mary Poppins, and his womanly physique makes me wonder how he even picks up his car keys. This guy is a real jackass.

Taylor Momsen is inappropriate

By brendon February 09, 2011 @ 12:26 PM

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Justin Bieber is the biggest star on earth right now if you’re under 12 or creepy, and last night was the LA premiere of his movie Never Say Never. And for some reason Taylor Momsen of Gossip Girl took that to mean she should go to the Generic Slut Store for a “sexy” outfit to wear.

Hopefully this will get her the attention she so desperately craves. If not this maybe she could put her hands in gloves that are on fire and wave em around, or put a speculum in and call that an outfit.

(image source = fame)

TYLER EXCLUSIVE: Brooklyn Decker is very attractive

By brendon February 09, 2011 @ 11:52 AM

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Considering how many times I’ve said that Asian girls are better than regular girls (and it’s a lot), and that blond white girls in particular are kind of boring, I bet Brooklyn Decker would be really flattered to know I’d still do it with her.

Shhh, shhhhh, hush Brooklyn. No need to thank me.

(image source for Brooklyn at last nights NYC premiere of Just Go With It = getty and splash news online)

is Lindsay Lohan in real trouble this time? well, maybe.

By brendon February 09, 2011 @ 11:07 AM

Lindsay Lohan Arriving At Court For Probation Hearing

Lindsay Lohan will return to her second home, a courtroom, at 1:30pct today, and be charged with felony grand theft for stealing a $2500 necklace from a jewelry store in Venice, which she could have gone home and thrown on a pile of other things she’s stolen (partial, though oddly impressive, list here).

And though she was never charged with taking any of those things, they still might come back to haunt her as the DA is looking to admit them into evidence to show that Lindsay is a spoiled cunt who truly believes she’s entitled to do and take whatever she wants. And hopefully they’ll say it just like that. I wouldn’t change a word.

…prosecutors not only heavily considered the prior incidents in making their decision … they will ask the judge to admit the incidents into evidence to show “prior bad acts” if the case goes to trial.
Our sources say there are two other factors that weighed heavily in the decision to prosecute:
– Lindsay has had repeated run-ins with the law, including two DUIs.
– She repeatedly thumbed her nose at the legal system by failing to perform her probation requirements, blowing off court appearances (remember that trip to Cannes?) and acting disrespectfully before the judge (the whole fingernail thing).

The DA is already looking to put Lindsay in jail for 6 months for violating her probation, a charge separate from all this other stuff, so this might actually be really bad. Or really good, depending on how you feel about Lindsay. Her dumb ass has had every chance in the world, and she’s been too arrogant to take advantage of them, so they could sentence her to 10 years on Monster Island for all I care, or just put her on a rocket and shoot her into the sun. Good riddance you bony freckled menace.