damn you kelly brook

By brendon October 20, 2009 @ 5:56 PM

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Does Kelly Brook think she can just show up on the page whenever she wants, turn my world upside down, then walk away and break my heart? Well no, no more. It’s time to start lookin out for number 1, baby! I mean … um. Wow. That’s a really tight dress. Oh Kelly … I can’t stay mad at you!

(hq jump = here. source = inf daily)

lindsay is doing great

By brendon October 20, 2009 @ 5:04 PM

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Everyone changes as they get older of course, but it’s still striking to compare a picture of Lindsay from last night to one from 10 years ago. Especially since that one on the left is from 3 years ago (frightening full size image here). She used to be fantastic looking, now she might as well have snakes for hair she’s so ugly.  But that’s no reason to reassess her life and maybe go to rehab, according to top experts who are Lindsay.

With Lindsay Lohan’s behavior becoming ever more erratic, and nights spent out at nightclubs, Lindsay’s close friends, family, and advisers all seem to agree on one thing, the troubled actress needs to go to rehab, but inside sources tell RadarOnline.com, “it’s not even being considered by Lindsay, it’s not even on the cards for her.”
Michael Lohan has made public comments about seeking conservatorship of his daughter, Lindsay is going to see what action he takes if any, before filing the restraining order. “Lindsay is in a very tough place right now. The paperwork is prepared and ready to go, all she has to do is give her attorney the green light. Dina pushed Lindsay to take this action, but at the end of the day, this is a young lady that is very confused, and changes her mind at least 10 times a day,” the friend says.

There’s a bunch of bikini and red carpet (not a euphemism for her vagina, by the way) pics from 2004-2006 on the other side if you’ve forgotten how hot Lindsay used to be.  Things are so different now. I mean I still masturbated to these but I wasn’t really into it.  The magic has really gone out of our relationship.

(hq jump. bikini hq jump. source = splash news online)

do people not know this?

By brendon October 20, 2009 @ 2:48 PM

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Lots of websites have some old black and white pictures of Dita Von Tease today, supposedly “never before seen” nudes. I don’t know what to call whatever the hell it is she does now, but she used to be naked all the damn time. That bitch is horrible looking. She’s pale with a weird body. And she wanted to be a model. Of course she was gonna get naked. It’s not like there’s some placement test for models. There’s no sanctioning body. Hottest model wins. And unfortunately for her she looks like a ghost you would see on the Titanic.

I’m not putting this ocular poison on Tyler but go over here if you want and there’s a whole gallery of her f’n herself with a popsicle. Go nuts if that’s what you like. I’m not here to judge, man. But don’t open these at work. You may think you can be sneaky, but you’ll get busted when they hear your frightened whimpering.

‘twilight’ is complicated

By brendon October 20, 2009 @ 1:36 PM

A new clip from ‘Twilight: New Moon’ went live on iTunes today, and … umm … what happened? Am I thinking of something else? Wasn’t this about vampires? Are we starting over? I’m not gonna watch it either way so they can be wolves now if they want, but since when are wolves the size of school busses?  And did his pants just rip apart?  Well, then … what happens … when … ahhhh!  What in the hell is going on!

morning headlines

By brendon October 20, 2009 @ 1:12 PM

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The Tuesday morning headlines are brought to you by this guy. Either one really.

MADONNA – is cheap. She made 110 million dollars last year, yet only gave $459,000 to charity. This may sound thoughtless, but keep in mind: Madonna is a mean old bitch. (hollywood reporter)

ROMAN POLANSKI – has been denied bail once again. A Swiss court ruled he was a high flight risk and ordered him to remain in jail while he awaits possible extradition to the United States. Considering he’s facing extradition precisely because he fled the country while on bail last time, it takes some balls to ask for bail again. That’s the entire reason we’re here. What did he think the judge was gonna say? “I know you took off last time, but, I’ve just got a lucky feeling. I say we go for it!” (e online)

SHAKIRA
– has secretly been taking “Introduction to Western Civilization: Ancient Civilizations from Prehistory to Circa A.D. 843″ at UCLA all summer. She would wear baggy clothes with a hat pulled low and keep to herself, and no one ever knew. She took the class simply because she wanted to, and did well until it wrapped up last Thursday. “I was really impressed with how intelligent she was,” said Professor Robert Cleve, as he tried to change the subject so his erection would go away. (the ap)

rawr. hey there sexy whats up?

By brendon October 20, 2009 @ 10:19 AM

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The stale cigarettes you smell right now can only mean one thing. Actually it could mean lots of things, but in this case it means Lindsay Lohan was in New York last night to attend her court ordered alcohol education classes party! In this case, at some Versace event with the ghost of her future self warning her to change her ways. She may look like an old west prostitute who stopped coughing long enough to try and look sexy, but she’s not from the old west.

(16 more here.  hq jump here)

lindsay got a restraining order

By brendon October 19, 2009 @ 6:47 PM

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Maybe the reason Lindsay Lohan looked so stressed out and tired, and suspiciously like King Koopa, two days ago in court is because she’s scared her own dad may try to kidnap her. I’m joking of course. It’s because she was drunk the night before.

And it’s not that he wants to kidnap her, but get her into a drug and alchohol treatment center. Needless to say she wont stand for that.

the actress will file a restraining order against her father, Michael Lohan in the next two days.  Sources say Lindsay fears for her safety from her estranged father.  Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Holley Chapman, has begun the paperwork on behalf of her client and the filing should be ready in the next 48-hours.

Someone should just get a bag of weed and then hold it up for Lindsay, then say, “here girl, come get, get the weed girl, go on get it.” Then throw the drugs inside the rehab and lock the doors behind her. Problem Solved!

go kill yourself paris hilton

By brendon October 19, 2009 @ 5:08 PM

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Paris Hilton is just one of many who are doing cameos in a new movie starring Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Samuel L. Jackson, Eva Mendes, Michael Keaton and Dwayne Johnson, and in fact she had just one day of shooting, but she made the most of it by acting like a spoiled bitch from start to finish. Page Six says…

…in the cop-action comedy “The Other Guys,” now shooting in New York.
A source reports, “Paris has a cameo role in the movie, where she plays herself. It is all being kept very hush-hush.
“But the producers were shocked when her team handed them a three-page list of demands — including live lobsters to be prepared fresh when she’s ready to eat and a bottle of Grey Goose vodka — all for just one day on the set.
“All celebrities are typically offered riders, but it seemed excessive for just one day’s work playing herself. She was due to fly to New York to film in secret last week.”

Note that last part said “in secret last week.” Okay so what are the odds Paris honored that? You know what just forget I asked.

…on Thursday, she reportedly tweeted: “Just got done with the fitting with the stylist for the new Will Ferrell movie I’m shooting in NY. Excited! Will is my favorite comedian.”

You know whats better than a story about Paris Hilton? Literally anything on earth. So instead let’s all look at pictures of Susan Sarandins daughter stripping last night on ‘Californication‘. Going from Paris Hilton being a bitch to Eva Amuri being naked is like going from being raped by a tiger at the zoo while everyone films it to being raped by Megan Fox at home while I film it.

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