Monday morning headlines

By brendon August 16, 2010 @ 11:53 AM

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NEIL PATRICK HARRIS – and his boyfriend will be having twins, one boy and one girl, via surrogate this October. I hope I’m wrong but the boy better learn how to fight immediately. (twitter, e!)

LINDSAY LOHAN – might be getting out of drug rehab and beginning outpatient care as early as this week, because doctors don’t believe her drug problems are as severe as first thought. They haven’t made a recommendation yet, but when they do the new judge, “will almost certainly go along with it.” It’s a big victory for Lindsay, except for the fact that she’s apparently so naturally stupid and irresponsible everyone just assumed she was a drug addict. (tmz)

HILARY DUFF – got married to NHL star Mike Comrie in Santa Barbara on Saturday, and I dare you to come up with a scenario that sounds more boring than that. (popeater)

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER – because there’s bacon recipes now. (twitter)

JENNY MCCARTHY – hosted the Midsummer Night’s Dream at the Palms in Vegas on Saturday, and her tits and abs looked amazing. Giving dangerous and unqualified medical advice must be good exercise. (wenn)

Cameron Diaz in a bikini

By brendon August 16, 2010 @ 8:05 AM

EXCLUSIVE: Cameron Diaz Enjoying Some Fun In The Sun At San Ysid

These bikini pictures of Cameron Diaz, taken this weekend in Santa Barbara, were shot from a million miles away and they’re blurry and out of focus, but this is what she looks like in focus, so blurry is the only way to look at her without shrieking in horror. Maybe if she found a guy with severe cataracts she could keep a boyfriend for once.

(image source = flynet online)

Tila Tequila was “pelted with stones and feces…”

By brendon August 16, 2010 @ 3:57 AM

Inviting Tila Tequila to perform at a concert festival headlined by Insane Clown Posse sounds like the kind of thing you would make up as an example to illustrate something that went really badly. “How did your blind date go?” “About as well as Tila Tequila at an Insane Clown Posse concert.”

Needless to say the crowd hated her (second video after the jump) and threw rocks, bottles, fire crackers and shit at her. And by “shit”, I don’t mean “stuff”. The State Journal Register says…

Tila Tequila complained that audience members pelted her with stones and feces during an outdoor music festival in southern Illinois.

And CNN adds…

Tila Tequila suffered facial cuts when she was pelted with rocks and bottles while performing at a music festival in Illinois early Saturday.
“She’s pretty cut up,” said a performer who saw the violence.
(They) said a mob of hundreds chased Tequila from the stage and surrounded the trailer where she sought refuge. They rocked the trailer and smashed its windows.
Tequila eventually escaped, but only after windows in her SUV were smashed.

This sounds like fans overacted and were out of control, but only to people who have never heard a Tila Tequila song.

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does anyone actually like Julia Roberts?

By brendon August 13, 2010 @ 6:33 PM

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From the day it was announced, it was always assumed that “Eat, Pray, Love” was gonna be huge. It had Julia Roberts cackling like an asshole, bike rides, hunks with unplaceable accents, and pasta. Women love that shit. It was rock solid. There was literally no room for improvement. And yet…

It’s the battle of the sexes this weekend, and the outcome is not likely to inspire any feminists, as Sylvester Stallone’s action hero mash-up The Expendables is set to rule over Julia Roberts’ year-long trek in Eat Pray Love.

And then there’s ‘Scott Pilgrim vs The World’, currently getting an 80 on rotten tomatoes, well above ‘The Expendables’ 43 and the 37 for ‘Eat, Pray, Love’.

It’s all a matter of personal preference of course, but only one new movie has a middle aged women struggling to button her pants, then sitting perfectly still, then tearing down the walls around her heart, so I think you know where to find me this weekend.

Dina Lohan is a liar. Also a complete c*nt.

By brendon August 13, 2010 @ 3:54 PM

Dina Lohan lies from start to finish every single day, and this morning on the Today show was no exception. The most insulting part was in the 22 second clip above, when she said Lindsay had only been in a drug rehab twice, and then smirked condescendingly at Matt Lauer because he thought she had been there 4 times.

He was under that impression because 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 equals 4.

1. On January 17th, 2007 she checked into Wonderland (fox).
2. On May 28th, 2007 she checked into Promises (e!).
3. On August 6th, 2007 she checked into Cirque Lodge (msnbc)
4. On August 2nd, 2010, she checked into UCLA (nydn).

Actually it would be 5 if you count when she checked into Pickford Lots sober-living facility on July 15th, 2010. (x17)

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Friday morning headlines

By brendon August 13, 2010 @ 12:23 PM

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RIHANNA – says there is no typo on her tat, as was reported yesterday. “Rebelle fleur translates to rebel flower, NOT rebellious flower, it’s 2 nouns so in that case fleur does not HAVE to be first!” So see. Her dumb tat works on a lot of different levels. (ok!)

JENNIFER LOPEZ – was too big a bitch for ‘American Idol’ to deal with, and now she’s tweeting pictures of her diamonds to… um, prove it, I guess.
NOTE TO SELF: go rob Jennifer Lopez. (huff post)

JULRI WATERS – is the Playboy model in the banner picture, and she’ll be in Sturgis today signing stuff (details). I know I mentioned this yesterday, but I could either post a picture of the girl who gets a perfect score in every category I use to rank girls, or Hilary Swank, who is still waiting for science to determine what sex she is. (direct link to the full size NSFW banner picture here. source = playboy)

HILARY SWANK – is in Hawaii with boyfriend John Campisi, just sort of hanging out by a sign in a bikini. If these two lovebirds have a wedding in their future, Hilary is sure to make a beautiful bride and/or groom. (pacific coast)

Dina Lohan should be set on fire

By brendon August 13, 2010 @ 10:49 AM

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Yesterday it was reported that Lindsay Lohan may not be spending 90 days in rehab, because the judge that sentenced her has since recused herself (*). Now, instead of doing a 45-day program twice, which is apparently common, Lindsay might do it once (though in all likelihood, the new judge will order her to stay for the full 90).

Naturally, Lindsays mom Dina Lohan was on the Today show this morning, and – brace yourself – told everyone that her darling child is an innocent little lamb that everyone picks on for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

This bitch is reprehensible. She’s the reason Lindsay doesn’t know right from wrong. She’s the reason Lindsay is such a fuck up. If Dina died today, I’d dig her up tomorrow, bury her upside down then build a neighborhood on her grave so she could never rest.

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Tyler has sexy readers

By brendon August 13, 2010 @ 9:18 AM

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I got lazy last week, but as long as hot girls take their clothes off and send us pictures of it (and then hopefully get 500 dollars in return), then we can pit them against each other in sexy combat. It’s actually for a really good cause, with all proceeds going to reinforce the notion that hot girls with questionable morals can make lots of money. This week we have…

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