Kelly Clarkson is devastated

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 6:05 AM

The best part of this interview with Kelly Clarkson is how she laughs again and again about Perez Hilton getting punched and his subsequent video hissyfit, especially when she’s told he was bawling on the radio earlier that day. Other celebs who are tired of his crap chimed in too.

Joe Rogan on Twitter:
PerezHilton talking about how he doesn’t like drama in his life after he called Will.I.Am a fag and got punched in the head made my day
Watch this, it makes you want to smack him.
3 He talks shit about people for a living and gets upset when karma rolls

Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes on Twitter:
PS. WILL.I.AM- 1, PEREZ-0, It’s about fucking time.
AAGH,I just watched him get his Chris Crocker on”I write drama about other peoples lives,I don’t want drama in mine”You got BOOM BOOM POW’D!
Violence is not the answer. Trust me, been through it. The fact is, not EVERYONE is going to take being called a vulgar expletive lightly.

Frankie Muniz on Twitter:
Perez Hilton, how do you call a man a FAGGOT right in his face and not expect to get hit?

John Mayer on Twitter:
Not true. In fact I’d like to train you in Krav Maga. Then you’ll have the situational awareness not to get in someone’s face.
I also want to train you in an old martial art called “Never Call A Black Dude a Faggot Jitsu.”
this will be the last public mention of it. You know how to find me. Words have cause and effect, even if the effect is wrong.

The guy who hit Perez is everyones new hero, but Jesus where did this guy learn to punch. He didn’t even give him a black eye. This is only sort of relevant but one time at Mardi Gras my buddy Joe punched a guy in the face so hard, the guy flew backwards and – as God as my witness this is true – the guys hat hung in the air for at least a full second and my buddy Randy caught it. Joe punched him so hard it was like he just vanished into thin air. It still stands as the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.

Not one day in jail

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 3:51 PM

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Chris Brown admitted today that he beat Rihanna on February 8th, punched her in the face repeatedly and choked her, and even though he’s never shown the slightest bit or regret or remorse, prosecutors in Los Angeles agreed to a plea that let’s him walk away without even one day in jail.  TMZ says…

“He’ll spend 180 days doing community labor (8 hours a day — 1440 hours total) — which is, in effect, hard labor. He’ll do his service in Virginia which is where Brown lives. A Virginia law enforcement officer told us Brown will be picking up trash, pulling weeds and washing fire trucks.
He gets 5 years probation for FELONY assault — he pled guilty. He’ll get supervised probation. He’ll have to come back to court every three months.
He must enroll in a domestic violence counseling program.
If Brown violates probation, he could get up to 4 years in prison.
Brown is now a convicted felon and loses the the following rights: To own a gun, to sit on a jury, subject to search and seizure without a search warrant and he now has limitations on travel.”

Washing fire trucks? Are they fucking serious? We used to have a neighborhood fire house in my neighborhood and kids would help wash the trucks for fun. It was a special treat. We would wash the trucks and wear the helmets and play with the dog. All they have to do now is make him eat some rice krispy treats, and California’s idea of punishing violent criminals will be the exact same as one of my happiest childhood memories.

Afternoon headlines

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 12:00 PM

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MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY – his wife is pregnant for the second time, just 11 months after giving birth to their first child.  I hope he still has time to make a shitty romantic comedy every six weeks.  One where he and his ex-girlfriend are both lawyers and they end up going against each other would be amazing, and of course some kind of reverse “My Fair Lady” with him and Anne Hathaway needs to be done, just because Hollywood thrives on completely retarded ideas. (source = e! online)

INGLORIOUS BASTERDS – the brand new second trailer is out (see it here), and Hitler seems really upset. I should send over a Pick Me Up bouquet. It has bright daisies in a colorful keepsake vase.

MEL B – celebrated her 34th birthday this weekend at the MGM pool in Vegas.  That deck looks too slippery to be wearing heels.  She should take her top off and dry it.  (7 more pics here. hq jump here. image source = splash news online)

Will.I.Am seems reasonable

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 10:07 AM

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I don’t know if you knew this, but if you’re a guy, and you go out of your way to antagonize and provoke another guy, if you try to embarrass him in front of his friends and peers, if you call him the worst names you can think up, that may lead to a fight.  Shocking, yes?

This is what happened last night after the Much Music Awards in Toronto, according to Perez Hilton after Will.I.Am allegedly punched him. The summary is from MTV.

“And that’s when I made the split-second decision that I was going to say what I thought was the worst possible thing that a thug would ever want to hear. … I told him, ‘And you know what, I don’t need to respect you … and you’re a f–. You’re gay and stop being such a f—-t.’ And I knew that was going to set him off, but I didn’t want to get into a fight with this person, so we leave. [He] followed me outside of the club … then his manager, Polo, whom I have met before, from behind, comes up to me, clocks me in the eye and punches me two or three times. I am in shock. I just did not know what to do.”

If this we’re a Hollywood movie, no one would ever believe it. But this amazing tale really happened!  One guy provoked another guy and called him a fag and it led to a fight.  What a shocking conclusion.  If they made a TV show about this, they should call it “Shocking Conclusions”.

Jewel is wasting this

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 5:26 AM

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Jewel spent last week in the Bahamas with her husband the cowboy, and maybe it was all the kick-ass weed over there but she lightened the hell up just long enough to take a picture in a bikini (full size pic here) and then post it on twitter (here).

I’m sure someone like her finds it demeaning to get attention for her body because she’s such a class act, but if she insists on not going to the orthodontist she needs to do stuff like this. If you just saw her body you’d think you we’re looking at an ex-Playmate. If you just saw her teeth you’d think you we’re looking at something with paws and infested with ticks.

Anna Faris is easily impressed

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 4:16 AM

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Anna Faris is really really hot and really really funny, and yet what you’re looking at in these pictures is her with her new husband after they eloped in Hawaii this weekend. I think the lesson to be learned is, if you see a girl you think is hot, ask her out. Just go for it man. Because girls are fuckin weird. They will absolutely have sex with guys who aren’t even remotely in their league. Much of my sex life has depended on that. The rest has been based on pity and rags soaked in ether.

(34 more bikini pics here.  hq jump here. source = wenn, fame, flynet and splash news)

I hate mondays

By brendon June 21, 2009 @ 10:51 PM

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Shauna Sands areola look like they were taken off with a can opener, but please don’t think that would dissuade her in any way from showing her tits to strangers. Like she did Saturday in Miami. Unfortunately, if you take advantage of the fact that her tits look like surprised Garfield eyes, her tan lines mess it up and make him look sinister. I tried adding a pie because he’s fat, but he still looked like an evil villain.  After that I thought maybe lasagna would be better than pie, but then I realized I was way more concerned with making Shaunas tits appealing than Shauna was, and if she doesn’t care why the hell should I.

(10 topless pics here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

Shut the hell up Ashton

By brendon June 19, 2009 @ 2:02 PM

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Hollywood actors are often pretty dumb, and many really famous actors are practically retarded. Their job is to read a sentence and then a few days later say it out loud, and they can rarely even do that on the first try, but for some reason they think this makes them experts on a wide range of topics. This is very rarely true.  Remember when Cameron Diaz went on Oprah and said that if you didn’t vote for John Kerry rape would be legal.  Well we didn’t, and trust me it’s not.  If it was I’d be hiding in Megan Fox’s closet right now.  Oh but look, I’m rambling.  Let’s see what Ashton Kutcher has on his mind today.  Yahoo says…

“Kutcher has taken to his Twitter blog to voice support for the Iranian people – and urge US officials not to get involved in the uprising.
‘Considering how well fighting 4 freedom in Iraq went, I dont know that we should B jumping in2 this Iran deal. I think that truly the only people that can change things in Iran are the Iranians themselves and they seem to be speaking their minds now.’”

Hmm.  Should we B jumping in2 this?  I thought so be4 but now 404.  I’d like to hear what Drew Barrymore has to say about Iran before I make up my mind.  Drew, ?4U.  Srs Bzns.  I’m sending a reminder kitty kat so you don’t forget.   =^..^=