do not rent to kevin federline

By brendon October 07, 2009 @ 2:19 PM

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Kevin Federline seems like a great guy of course, but you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, because apparently he caused over $100,000 in damage to the house he was renting in Tarzana, and bailed on the last 6 months of rent on top of that. The damage he left behind includes…

- Gutters full of cigarette butts and empty beer bottles
- A broken beer dispenser on the barbecue island
- Permanent spit marks on exterior paint
- Broken light covers
- Bent light posts
- Broken tiles
- Dead trees and plants due to failure to water
- Drawings all over the walls
- A room that was turned into a studio (without the owners’ permission)
- Broken dishwasher … with broken baskets
- Dismantled smoke detectors
- Front driveway oil-leak damage
- Master bathroom windows tinted (without owners’ permission)

The one that really haunts me is “permanent spit marks on exterior paint”. How many STDs does this dude have where his spit has evolved into some toxic poison that can eat through paint? Jesus he’s like that little dinosaur in the first Jurassic Park. Someone go scare him. I bet he has one of those neck frills too.

anna nicole smith: murderer!

By brendon October 07, 2009 @ 12:45 PM

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When Anna Nicole Smith married oil-millionaire Howard Marshall in 1994, she was 26 and he was 89. He died just about one year later, no doubt smiling. This began the legal fight for his fortune, estimated at around 550M.  Marshalls son, not unreasonably, thought Smith didn’t deserve her dads money and so he took her to court. Smith could either walk away from the money or fight for it in court. Oh and there was one more option: MURDER!!!

The FBI investigated whether Anna Nicole Smith plotted to kill her tycoon husband’s son as they battled for his father’s fortune, but the former Playboy Playmate who died in 2007 was never prosecuted.
Smith’s FBI records, obtained exclusively by The Associated Press, say the agency investigated Smith in 2000 and 2001 in a murder-for-hire plot targeting E. Pierce Marshall … (he) died three years ago of natural causes.

OR DID HE? (cue ominous “dun-dun-dun” music). Wait no. No he did die of natural causes. Because there’s zero chance Anna Nicole Smith was smart enough to orchestrate a murder, and a negative zero chance she was smart enough to hide it from the FBI. At best her plan would be to invite him over and offer him poison to drink, but when she gave it to him it would be this boiling green sludge with fog coming off the top. “No, driink it, is good. I jus’ had one so I downe really want another raght now but you should drink yurs. Go on drink it.”

Eliza Dushku knows how to dress

By brendon October 07, 2009 @ 11:18 AM

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Eliza Dushku and her sexyasfuck raspy voice were on David Letterman last night, and all thongs (misspelling that I’m keeping) considered, her choice of outfit really can’t be considered anything other than sarcastic. It’s like she was trying to trick him into saying something inappropriate. Unless she was there to promote her new book, “Ways To Get David Letterman Fired”.

(6 more here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

russell simmons is the winner

By brendon October 06, 2009 @ 6:38 PM

Russell Simmons, Julie Henderson

Julie Henderson and Russell Simmons spent another day at the beach in Miami today, and while Julie is no Marissa Miller, she is a 5’10” blue-eyed blond Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model from Texas (aka – “the White Mans Prize”), so you definitely have to hand it to Russell Simmons.

With that in mind I asked Russell about his technique to scoring with the ladies. Step 1 was: “Have hundreds of millions of dollars”. That was also step 2 and 3. There was no step 4. If someone mentions that you look like a tall version of the baby in Benjamin Button, see step 1.

(9 more here. hq jump here. source = inf and mavrix online)

khloe kardashian is screwed

By brendon October 06, 2009 @ 5:53 PM

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Khloe Kardashian (image not available) somehow tricked LA Laker superstar Lamar Odom to run to the alter, but it turns out that only makes him partially dumb, because word is he is still working on his prenup and the marriage won’t be official until Khloe signs it.

He is adamant that all of his assets, including whatever money he makes while married to Khloe, are his, and she will not get a dime when should they divorce. TMZ says…

We’ve learned Odom went to the Beverly Hills law office of divorce-guru Neal Hersh last Friday to hash out the terms. Hersh won’t return our call, but Odom’s people tell us “Lamar has a set of balls” — translation, he’s not giving Khloe half of anything.

Yeah I don’t really care about that. I feel like Darwin watching his big lanky ass prepare to breed with that moose. What I very much do care about is Ashley Greene in a bikini. Therefore, here we have pictures of Ashley Greene in a bikini. As you can tell these are much better than pictures of Khloe, who looks like a learning-disabled boy.

this never happened

By brendon October 06, 2009 @ 2:45 PM

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You may think that Mel Gibson was arrested on July 28, 2006, for DUI, during which he made a bunch of anti-Semitic and sexist comments, but you’d be wrong according to the official court documents. Because today Mel successfully had that arrest expunged from his record, for some reason. TMZ says…

Judge Lawrence Mira just signed legal documents in Malibu, expunging the misdemeanor DUI from Mel’s record.
The judge noted the conviction still is relevant for “gun control purposes.” It can also be used as a prior conviction if Gibson gets popped for DUI in the future.
Mel’s lawyer, Blair Berk, requested the motion to dismiss on September 21 after Mel successfully completed the terms of his three-year probation.

This will do a lot to fix his reputation, especially if we all agree to re-do 2005 and pretend nothing since then ever happened. It’ll be fun. I’ll start: boy that Amy Winehouse is a fresh young face, isn’t she. I see good things on the horizon for her.

jon gosselin got yelled at

By brendon October 06, 2009 @ 1:52 PM

Nancy Grace makes her living yelling at people, so Jon Gosselin was very definitely gonna get yelled at when they both appeared on the same panel. That much was obvious. What was not obvious was how ruggedly handsome I was going to look in falls new zip-up sweaters and Steven Allen leather-and-wool gloves. Turns out the answer is “very very”.

this is more like it

By brendon October 06, 2009 @ 12:46 PM

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Kristen Bell and Malin Akerman walked the red carpet last night for the premiere of ‘Couples Retreat’, which is good news for me because I’ve had a crush on Kristen ever since ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’. It might be time to make my move. I finally have a plan in place to impress her. How? Simple. Kill … the Batman. Wait. Wait no that’s for something else. Aww god dammit. I don’t have a plan at all, do I?

(hq jump here.  source = splash news online)