When it comes to deciding which summer awards show you might enjoy more, Spikes Guys Choice or MTV Movie, you have to consider that one has girls like Victorias Secret model Erin Heatherton and Minka Kelly actually making an effort to look hot, while the other has husky girls shrieking at pretend vampires. So just keep that in mind and then follow your heart.
I’m no Jennifer Aniston fan, but I have to admit she was a worthy recipient of the Decade of Hotness Award at this weekends Spike TVs Guys Choice Awards. Although I would have quantified the trophy by adding, “From The Neck Down As Long As She Can Shut Up About Brad Pitt For 5 Fucking Seconds.”
(image source = getty)
Paris Hilton, who no one likes and who doesn’t actually do anything, is reportedly furious at the Oxygen network, which no one watches, because she “worked her tail off doing promotion” for her new show and then no one watched it.
Gosh I wonder why? I better put on my pipe and thinking cap to solve this mystery. Oh, wait, never mind, Paris already has it figured out.
“Paris is furious that the show didn’t premiere at the time it was supposed to,” an insider tells me when speaking about ‘The World According to Paris.’ “She worked her tail off doing promotion and publicity for the show and then because of a technical mistake, the show aired at a completely different time in a lot of markets.”
Yeah that must be it. It’s not because of Paris. She did all that promotion and was electrifying. Like here, when she went on the radio and shook her head “no” for 10 minutes. But that was just a teaser. On the show you could watch Paris not do anything at the mall, in her car, and at a club. It’s an entertainment extravaganza.
Gerard Butler gets tons of ass because he’s handsome, friendly and charming, so what chance did Jessica Biel have against him while they filmed a movie together last month in a place where there’s damn near nothing to do? Not much, according to People.
Their reps say the two actors are “just friends,” but they appeared to be pretty close friends while shooting Playing the Field in Shreveport, La., last month. And over the weekend, new photos surfaced of Biel enjoying a ride on the back of Butler’s motorcycle down the PCH in Malibu.
Uh, I wouldn’t get too comfortable on that back of the bike if I were Jessica. Shreveport is pretty god damn boring. He might have just been bored. You could bury me in a coffin and I could find just as many things to do as I could if you gave me a million dollars and set me loose in Shreveport.
The 2011 MTV Movie Awards were last night, but if you missed it, or the ones from 2010, 2009, 2008, and 2007, here’s a comprehensive recap:
1. ‘Twilight’ won everything.
2. I asked, “who the fuck is that,” a lot.
3. No one did anything sexy, interesting, or funny.
See ya next year, everybody!
1. Ben Affleck and Blake Lively were co-stars in ‘the Town’.
2. While filming ‘the Town’, there was a rumor that Affleck was cheating on Jennifer Garner with Blake.
3. In the naked pictures of Blake that leaked this week, she has a temporary star tattoo on her neck, which was there for her character in ‘the Town’. Meaning she took the naked pictures, either for herself or someone else, while making the movie.
4. Affleck and Garner were in Brentwood yesterday, and now he has a black eye.
5. In this picture, Garner is looking back toward Affleck and his hands are close together. As if he pulled them in because he was flinching, similar to what people do if they think they’re about to get hit (again).
Conclusion: Ben Affleck is in an abusive relationship with Jennifer Garner. She hits him and he cries. Jennifer saw the pictures of Blake, knew they were taken for Ben and so she beat him up. And then he hid in the closet on the floor and called Matt Damon, and Matt said, “you have to leave her this time, you promised you would!” And through his tears Ben whispered, “I can’t, she’ll kill me if I try to leave!” Oh that poor man! Won’t someone help him!
(image source = fame)
Jim Jefferies has a bit about the 10 commandments where he says that instead of 10 all you really need is one; Try not to be a cunt. Just try. Do your best. It’s good advice in life, and even better advice for going on a radio show.
Well yesterday Paris Hilton did an interview with Opie and Anthony and Jim Norton, and she didn’t do that. Instead she was a boring cunt. She was there to promote ‘The World According to Paris’ (which desperately needs it), and her plan to do that was to sit perfectly still and occasionally mumble for 10 minutes. What a natural born entertainer she is. After seeing this I want to go buy another DVR so I can tape her show twice.
Last week there was a rumor that Alex Rodriguez, just like the rest of us, wanted his girlfriend to have bigger tits, and so he asked her to get breast implants. His girlfriend being Cameron Diaz, of course. Well apparently her answer was no because he dumped her. A source says…
“They’ve broken up. [Cameron is] hurt and betrayed, because she tried so hard to please him … She went overboard.”
Awww, and this should have been such an exciting time for Cameron, since her movie ‘Bad Teacher’ comes out in three weeks. I love the scene in the trailer where she dresses real sexy for the class car wash! Hubba-hubba! The cars are lined up around the block for her, ha-ha, while her frumpy rival has very few cars! Because Cameron is so sexy! Do you get it? Everyone loves leathery middle-aged women who act like they’re 20!