Amy Winehouses COD is a baffling mystery

By brendon July 25, 2011 @ 1:36 PM

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For some inexplicable reason, there are two very different pictures being painted today about the death of Amy Winehouse. Report after report claim there were “no sign of drugs” at her house (um, except for the dead 27-year-old with all the track marks). In fact the Sun leaves open the possibility that maybe she just ascended into heaven.

TRAGIC Amy Winehouse may have been dead for up to six hours before her body was discovered lying in bed, cops fear.
The star, 27, last spoke to her security team at 10am on Saturday. She was found at home in Camden, North London, at 4pm. Medics said she’d been dead several hours. Police sources reported no sign of drugs at the house.
Amy’s doctor examined her the evening before her death – and gave her the all clear.
A source said: “The doctor was happy with her condition. When he left on Friday night he had no concerns. Less than 24 hours later she was found dead.

I’m not really sure why people are making a big deal of the fact that she was dead for up to 6 hours. She looked like a corpse even before all this, and she was in bed. The guy is a bodyguard, not a necrophiliac.

Anyway, back in reality, the Daily Mail says this dirty junkie died as she lived: high as fuck.

The sordid details of Amy Winehouse’s final hours emerged today, with claims that she bought a cocktail of narcotics including cocaine, ecstasy and ketamine.
Although the exact cause of death has not yet been released by police, it is claimed she was seen buying drugs from a dealer in Camden just after 10:30pm on Friday.

So she saw her doctor Friday night, then went out and bought a ton of drugs and got high, then came home and checked in with her bodyguard, the overdosed in her sleep. Which is annoying because I would have preferred she died in at least as much pain as I suffer when I hear her god awful music.

Bar Refeali wore a bikini

By brendon July 25, 2011 @ 11:28 AM

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Bar Refaeli spent the weekend in a bikini in Porto Cervo, Italy, with her new boyfriend David Fisher, and you might be wondering if this professional bikini model looks good in a bikini. Well take a look for yourself. The answer will leave you stunned and amazed.

(image source = inf)

Amy Winehouse finally died today

By brendon July 23, 2011 @ 10:46 PM

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The second Amy Winehouse story ever on here was on 8.14.07, and it was about her collapsing after, “taking a cocktail of heroin, ecstasy, cocaine and the horse tranquillizer ketamine.”

Ahem…

“THE HORSE TRANQUILIZER KETAMINE.”

Needless to say, the Sun is now reporting…

Amy Winehouse has been found dead at her home in Camden, north London.
The ‘Rehab’ singer, 27, was discovered at the property in north London by emergency services at around 3:54pm this afternoon.
A police statement said: “Enquiries continue into the circumstances of the death. At this early stage it is being treated as unexplained.”
Sources say the talented star died of a suspected overdose.

Gee ya think? You could have filed her coroners report 4 years ago.

In one of her latest performances in Belgrade, Serbia, Amy staggered on stage an hour late, appearing drunk and incoherent.
Her ‘performance’ was booed by 20,000 irate fans – some who paid a week’s salary to see her. Scores walked out in disgust.

Good. Good riddance. I’m glad she’s dead. If I were at the funeral I’d tip her coffin over and kick the corpse. First of all her music was annoying, but much more importantly she had every chance in the world to get clean, to get off drugs, to save herself. She chose not too. People begged her. She ignored them. This wasn’t some poor girl with no options. She had every option. She had access to the best care in the world. This isn’t someone who made a mistake or two or twenty. She was an addict and she thought it was cute. She bragged about it in her biggest hit. If she didn’t give a shit about her life why should I? If I had a loved one with a drug problem I’d dig Amy up and tie her up on their doorstep like a Halloween decoration. Maybe it would scare them into getting clean. Or if nothing else I could just wait until Halloween to do it and kill two birds with one stone. My house would be the spookiest!

Catherine Zeta-Jones in a bikini is not bad

By brendon July 22, 2011 @ 7:55 PM

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Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas have been in Europe on vacation all week, and earlier today, while off the coast of Portofinio, Italy, on a yacht bigger than the high school I went to, Catherine strutted around in a bikini and showed how good a 50-year-old can look when she has implants.

In summation: if you ever hear someone say that money can’t buy happiness, you should slap them in their god-dammed liar mouth.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Friday headlines, with Vanessa Minnillos honeymoon

By brendon July 22, 2011 @ 6:47 PM

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BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD – will return to MTV later this year, and now there’s a 5 minute preview of the new season. In related news, Pauly Shore will box a kangaroo this weekend at the Des Moines Chevrolet “Dealin Days”. (hollywood reporter)

STEVEN SPIELBERG – made his first ever appearance at Comic Con today, and used it to announce that the movie no one has been waiting for, ‘Jurassic Park 4′, will be out in a year or two. “Here’s some shit about a group of people who get trapped and chased and occasionally eaten by dinosaurs for the fourth time because I want more money,” I assume he said. (usa today)

KATY PERRY – has dyed her hair blond. Because what’s more edgy and outrageous than a girl in LA with big tits and dyed blond hair. (e!)

DEXTER – has a trailer previewing season 6, and it looks to be as great as ever, with the kid at the hardware store still not wondering why he needs so much plastic drop clothes and cling wrap. (youtube)

LEONARDO DICAPRIO AND BLAKE LIVELY – are apparently not broken up as was previously reported, and were actually together in Santa Barbara on Wednesday. So you might as well deal with it and have sex with me, Bar Refaeli. (us)

VANESSA MINNILLO AND NICK LACHEY – are on their honeymoon in St. Barts today, and it’s not entirely clear but these might be some shots of Nick forcing Vanessa to throw rocks at some black kids on a raft. So be sure to let everyone know that Nick Lachey hates black people. I mean, what are you fucking blind, look at the pictures! (fame)

“sexy” Jennifer Aniston repulses people

By brendon July 22, 2011 @ 4:09 PM

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Penn Badgley probably knew that Jennifer Aniston plays a dentist who is always sexually harassing her tech in the movie ‘Horrible Bosses’, but it seems he didn’t know that he gets mentioned by name before he went to see it yesterday with his girlfriend, Zoe Kravitz.

An awkward moment happened when Jennifer Aniston quips, “Did you see ‘Gossip Girl’ last night? I fingered myself so hard to that Penn Badgley guy that I broke a nail.” Our source said, “The look on Penn’s face was priceless. They left the theater right after that.”

Wait. Your nails aren’t supposed to even hit anything. How did she break one? Was she stabbing herself in the vagina, is that what this scene is suggesting? Making Jennifer Anistons no doubt beaten and bruised vagina all scratched and bloody as well? Jesus I’m surprised more people didn’t leave, what is this, a snuff film?

(image source = inf)

Sarah Hyland is gonna kill Charlie Sheen

By brendon July 22, 2011 @ 3:33 PM

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Sarah Hyland was on back on the set of ‘Modern Family’ yesterday, and if Charlie Sheen is still stalking her like he was, I hope for her sake he doesn’t see these pictures. Because she still looks 12 (even though she’s 20) and now she’s dressed like a cheerleader. They should replace her regular security with big mean armor plated bears just in case.

(image source = pacific coast)

Christina Hendricks might play Wonder Woman

By brendon July 22, 2011 @ 2:30 PM

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If you don’t know who Nicolas Winding Refn is, he’s a really good director from Denmark, maybe best known for ‘Bronson’, the movie that made Tom Hardy famous. Or maybe for the ‘Pusher’ trilogy or ‘Valhalla Rising’, but he won Best Director at this years Cannes Film Festival for ‘Drive’, starring Ryan Gossling as a wheelman (which had a new red-band trailer come out yesterday, btw), and so now he’s finally starting to get some clout in Hollywood.

And instead of using that clout to do something cool, he told Vulture he wants to make a Wonder Woman movie starring Christina Hendricks.

“First of all, she’s an awesome actress,” he gushed. “Second, she’s so beautiful and so sexy and such a powerhouse of a woman that Liv, my wife, said that’s the prototype of a real woman. She has everything a guy would want. And yet she’s everything a girl thinks is the right way to look. So for me, she’s the perfect choice.”
“And she’s mature, which I think Wonder Woman has to be, because it’s a very complex character,” he continued. “You know, the whole Wonder Woman concept is ‘What if women were more powerful than men?’ And I certainly can’t come up with a more ideal choice to play that, both consciously because she’s very smart but also because of her sensibility and her physicality … so for me, she’s the perfect choice because she has so much sensibility and sexuality, but it’s true sexuality. And she has a body to die for. I certainly don’t know anybody of both sexes who doesn’t find her extremely attractive.”

The main problem with this is that Christina Hendricks has an enormous ass. So you’d have to replace all the fighting stuff with Wonder Woman running 50 feet, then stopping, then gasping for air with her hands on her hips, then getting some water, then calling the police. Also she’s pale as a ghost, so you’d have to replace the “putting on the sexy costume” scene with “slathering on sunscreen and putting on a big floppy hat” scene. Wonder Woman must be a totally different character in Denmark.

(NOTE: you won’t believe your eyes when I tell you this, but the headline picture was photoshopped. it really is christina hendricks face, but i used a computer to blend it in with an image from my favorite set of Denise Milani pictures.)