Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 30 days in jail today after admitting to violating her probation, but that will get knocked down to 6 days of actual jail time due to overcrowding. After that she must adhere to a strict timeline for completing her community service (all of which must be served in the county morgue now) or she will receive an additional 270 days in jail. Her schedule looks like this…
…by December 14, she must have completed 12 days at the morgue and 4 psychotherapy sessions. By January 17, another 12 days at morgue and 4 psychotherapy sessions. And so on. Everything must be completed by March 29.
I think we both know there is zero chance of her ever adhering to that schedule. She can’t even follow the instructions given to her by a red light, much less a judge.
A 20-year-old girl named Mariah Yeater has filed court papers saying that Justin Bieber got her pregnant after they had sex in a bathroom after a concert last year, which is surprising since he’s clearly gay. Here’s her romantic recap, according to Radar…
“Immediately, it was obvious that we were mutually attracted to one another, and we began to kiss. Shortly thereafter, Justin Bieber suggested that I go with him to a private place where we could be alone.
“I agreed to go with him and on the walk to a private area, he told me he wanted to make love to me and this was going to be his first time.
“After walking away from the other people backstage, Justin Bieber found a place where we could be alone — a bathroom.
“We went inside and immediately his personality changed drastically. He began touching me and repeatedly said he wanted to f*ck the sh*t out of me. At the time I asked him to put a condom for protection, but he insisted that he did not want to.”
I can totally see Bieber doing and saying all this. He seems to think he’s some kind of tough guy. He’ll be choking prostitutes in no time.
Two weeks ago, Judge Stephanie Sautner ruled that Lindsay Lohan has violated her probation (again) and tomorrow she’ll be back in a court room for her hearing. If found guilty (which she is), Lindsay could get as much as 18 months in jail (which she won’t).
The Los Angeles City Attorney and the LosAngeles County District Attorney will ask the judge to formally revoke Lindsay Lohan’s probation and send the embattled starlet to jail for at least 90 days, during her court appearance Wednesday.
I guess 90 days would be good punishment but she’s committed so many crimes at this point it’s hard to sort them all out and even know what this one is for. Can’t we just compromise and send her to Mexico or something.
I’m still not quite sure what Kate Upton was supposed to be for Halloween last night in New York. She sort of looks like a sexy version of Marilyn Monroe if she were a zombie. The unsexy version of Marilyn Monroe is she were a zombie would be Kirsten Dunst.
Scarlett Johansson was on the set of ‘Under the Skin’ in Arbroath, Scotland, today, taking a break and smoking some weed. I can’t say it’s weed for sure of course, but earlier today she said she’d be down to make a sex tape, and stuff like sex tapes and Pringles only seem like a good idea when you’re high.
A Boeing 767 that left from Newark with 230 passengers landed at the Warsaw airport about 3 hours ago, which is noteworthy because it did it without landing gear. That made things much more exciting! Has anyone ever flown that Mexican airline? I bet their planes are all dropped real low and this is what all their landings look like.
Scarlett Johansson and I both agree that the best way to deal with some creep leaking your private naked pictures online is to just ignore it. Especially if I’m the one doing it. So not only does she admit to the Vanity Fair that the naked pictures of her are real, but she says why she did it.
Scarlett Johansson does not seem the least bit ashamed when discussing her recent nude-photo scandal with Vanity Fair contributing editor Peter Biskind. “I know my best angles,” she says with her trademark insouciance. “They were sent to my husband,” now ex Ryan Reynolds. “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not like I was shooting a porno.” She adds saucily, “Although there’s nothing wrong with that either.”
By the way, yes, Scarlett Johansson just implied that she would blow a guy and let him film it. What a friendly girl she is. I was gonna use ether on her but this is much better.
Indiana Jones and his wife Alley McBeal dressed up as an 80′s hair band couple for Halloween party in Brentwood last night, though I really wish they hadn’t. For Gods sake, he’s 70. And I don’t like seeing Han Solo this way. It’s like having your grandfather come out of the closet.