kim zolciak is gay now

By brendon March 01, 2010 @ 4:30 PM

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Bad news if you’re a old guy who has enough money to rent a trophy girlfriend but not enough to get one of the good ones, because Kim Zolciak of ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ has decided she’s gay now or something.

Kim Zolciak has a new girlfriend, Us magazine can exclusively reveal.
Zolciak, 31, stepped out with her love of three months, DJ Tracy Young, at the Blacks’ Annual Gala in Miami Beach on Saturday.  ?A source tells Us, “Tracy broke up with her longtime girlfriend to be with Kim. Since they’ve been together, Tracy lost a lot of weight and got really skinny for Kim. They seem to be beyond happy with each other.”?

According to Us and Getty, the “really skinny” DJ is that middle aged lady in the mom jeans on the couch with Zolciak, but that seems hard to believe. What music does she play, “Wheels On The Bus”? Why do lesbians spend so much time and effort to look as terrible as possible? Gay guys look fantastic, all the time. It’s actually a good thing that they’re gay because otherwise it would set an unrealistic standard that I can’t possibly live up to.

simon monjack is angry, fat

By brendon March 01, 2010 @ 3:55 PM

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Over the weekend, The New York Post reported that Brittany Murphy filled a prescription for Vicodin just 11 days before she died. And then took 109 of them. That’s 2.42 vicodin (*) per hour for the last 11 days of her life. Her dipshit husband told Radar the story is a lie, and they might sue the Post because of it.

“Dr. Cohen prescribed the pills to (Brittanys mom).  Dr. Cohen has never prescribed anything to Brittany.  He’s never, ever seen Brittany.”
“This is so defamatory and ridiculous.  It benefits no one when these lies are propagated.”

And yet Brittany did have vicodin (hydrocodone) in her system when she died, so God only knows what this retards point is. Granted I don’t really know how drugs work. To be honest I can barely even form a complete sentence. But a buddy of mine who is a Neurosurgical Resident at The U dumbed down all the stuff in her autopsy for me. Full text here, but here’s (SPOILER ALERT!) the summary…

…that’s a lot of sedative medications, and a lot of drug/drug interactions that can cause serious respiratory depression. It’s a lot of unnecessary medications.

After that he said, “A competent physician would treat her pneumonia, rather than just drown everything with pain killers if you know what I mean.” And I said, “I sure do, haha!”.   And then I nervously laughed some more while praying there would be no follow up question.

(*) Maybe. I at math, as bad as right words.

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lindsay’s still got it

By brendon March 01, 2010 @ 1:25 PM

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Oh sure, this outfit looks sexy on a professional model like Lindsay Lohan, but most girls couldn’t make it work. I hope they try though, on account of it being so sexy. From the waist up, she looks someone kidnapped by Indians as a child, and from the waist down it looks like she just filled her diaper. And her skin is all bruised and blue, as if they’d just pulled her corpse out of a river. Ohh baby! If she got any hotter the fire marshall would take your computer away, lest it burst into flames.

(source = splash news online)

this is very definitely better

By brendon March 01, 2010 @ 11:26 AM

kim kardashian fragrance 280210

Kim Kardashian was at Tao in Vegas this weekend for the launch of her new perfume, and it’s so impressive to watch her develop into such a smart business woman. Lots of girls try to be like her and copy her, but Kim is so real and genuine and I think people pick up on that. I’d love to hear more about her business plans up in my room. Here you go Kim, I made you a drink. Yeah it’s supposed to be fizzing like that. No that’s not a pill dissolving. A pill? Oh my gosh that’s so funny. You’re so funny Kim.

(source = mavrix and wenn)

this is … better? worse?

By brendon March 01, 2010 @ 10:23 AM

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oh jesus christ

By brendon March 01, 2010 @ 9:57 AM

Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga was in London this weekend to start a new world tour, and it’s a good thing I was over here in the colonies. Because I wore an invisible dress and a glittery silver lobster on my face at a party too. Then went up some stairs so everyone could see my business. That would have been awkward. One of us would have had to go home and change, and it sure as snaps wasn’t gonna be me. Everyone pretty much agreed I owned that shit.

(source = inf daily)

friday afternoon headlines

By brendon February 26, 2010 @ 6:03 PM

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JOHN MAYER – apologized again last night during his concert in New York, saying he’s a different person now and can’t believe what an asshole he sounded like in his Playboy interview. Then someone showed him every other interview he’s done for the past 5 years and he said, “Oh OK I guess I can believe it.” (popeater)

BONER - is being remembered after his suicide by his Hollywood friends like Sarah Silverman, Alyssa Milano and Tracy Gold. They don’t say anything too surprising or revealing, but I mention it because having “Alyssa Milano” and “Boner” in the same post will help my google results. (wonderwall)

CARLY SIMON - might have revealed the subject of the song “You’re So Vain” to be David Geffen. I bet the ten people on earth who know what the hell that just meant are pretty surprised. (huff post)

MARISA MILLER - and a bunch of other models are essentially naked in the new British version of GQ. I’d like to point out that this website has more individual readers per month than GQ and Vanity Fair magazines combined. So if any models felt like sending me naked pictures so I can post them and they can be famous, feel free to do so. Se habla espanol. (gq)

kelly bensimon knows how to dress

By brendon February 26, 2010 @ 4:52 PM

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Kelly Bensimon of ‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’ went for a jog in Miami this morning, and seeing these pictures reminded me that I don’t know that much about her. So I ran a search on busty Asian model Jennie Reid, in hopes that naked pictures of her might help for some reason. Several hours later, I ended up on Playboys website and remembered that Kelly is in there this month, and that she looks terrific (nsfw). A few websites later I was surprised to learn how many teen girls are “cock hungry” and they “like it big”. What a day of discovery it’s been.

(source = splash news online and playboy cyber club)