Kelly Brook is persuasive

By brendon August 04, 2010 @ 9:38 AM

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Kelly Brook was on hand yesterday for the start of her new Reebok campaign with the unveiling of some billboards in London showing her naked except for shoes. Since I’m a big fan I was there to congratulate her, and either the beauty of the picture moved me to tears, or my disguise didn’t work and she sprayed me with mace.

Inception was stolen from Scrooge McDuck

By brendon August 03, 2010 @ 3:50 PM

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Sorry about the fact that there haven’t been any posts today. Some site issues came up this morning and I got all pissed off, so while I sort that out, please enjoy this Scrooge McDuck comic book from 2002 that tells the story of criminals who break into Scooges dreams to steal his secrets, specifically to break into a vault where his secrets are hidden. Scrooge and Donald just want to go home, but the physical world around them is constantly changing and shifting, with crazy things like trains appearing out of nowhere.

If that sounds like the plot of Inception, it should. Christopher Nolan just replaced the Beagle Boys with Leonardo DiCaprio and then made it all fancy by spinning the camera around and shit.

(read it here, or download the pdf here)

hey Jamie Foxx. you suck.

By brendon August 02, 2010 @ 4:24 PM

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Jamie Foxx has talked about having sex with Oprah and Kirstie Alley, so maybe that’s why he didn’t seem interested in this girl with him by the pool in Miami yesterday. Jamie will only like you if you go to the pool and someone with a whistle and a ball tries to throw a fish in your mouth.

(image source = mavirx online)

monday headlines

By brendon August 02, 2010 @ 2:19 PM

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AVRIL LAVIGNE – went swimming in Malibu yesterday and for a second her top slipped down a little (NSFW version here). If you can’t open the picture right now, just imagine someone took Grovers nose and put it on a dry erase board. Except not that sexy. (the sun)

LADY GAGA – does cocaine a couple of times a year but doesn’t condone it or think her fans should emulate her. She does want them to continue having terrible taste in music though. (us)

AMERICAN IDOL – offered Steven Tyler the final spot as a judge and he’s “probably” going to take it. Tyler of course is the singer and founding member of Aerosmith, who has 4 Grammys, 21 top 40 songs, is the best-selling American band ever (150 million albums), and has the most gold and multi-platinum albums by an American band ever. Still, when it comes to music, I’d like to hear what Randy Jackson has to say. (people)

MONTANA FISHBURNE – has sex in a car, a hotel room and at the mall in her first porn movie, out on August 18th. Maybe for the sequel she can have sex at her dads funeral on August 19th. (vivid)

Alessandra Ambrosio and her bikini are a relief

By brendon August 02, 2010 @ 12:42 PM

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Victorias Secret supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio spent yesterday on Maui with her daughter, who turns 2 on August 24th, and she’s still skinny as hell and her ass looks awesome (Alessandra, not the daughter).

Normally kids ruin everything. Sex with Kate Gosselin would be like putting your dick in a pillowcase that you found in the trash. But Alessandra looks tight as a drum. If the cops in Hawaii need to they could use her as handcuffs.

(image source = pacific coast)

Lindsay Lohan is still probably miserable today

By brendon August 02, 2010 @ 11:19 AM

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Lindsay Lohan
should still be in jail, with 77 days left on her 90 day sentence, but at least she’s getting screwed over in every other possible way.

First Judge Marsha Revel denied Lindsay more time between leaving jail and reporting to rehab, and in the end Lindsay didn’t even get the 24 hours she had to start with. Then she had her triumphant catwalk in front of the paparazzi stolen from her, and now she can’t go rehab in the opulent Costa Mesa paradise that she wanted.

That rehab just spent $220,000 to remodel with things like new hardwood floors and walk-in closets, but Revel was concerned about security. It was thought Lindsay could easily have friends smuggle drugs to her, which of course is the kind of thing Lindsay would do. So now she has to spend 90 days at much less fancy UCLA, for a reported addiction to meth and opiates.

Hopefully the “hospital” at UCLA can help, but if a rehab doesn’t take you surfing once a week and go to Six Flags, like the rehab LIndsay wanted, how good could it really be?

Lindsay Lohan was secretly taken from jail to rehab

By brendon August 02, 2010 @ 10:02 AM

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90 minutes before Lindsay Lohan walked out of jail this morning, famous Hollywood stylist Christophe arrived, all part of Lindsays big plan to take advantage of the spotlight.

But the deputy sheriffs are tired of looking like assholes (they’ve demanded that the Sheriff, “put a stop to his special treatment for celebrity inmates”), so, Forbes says…

She was released to a waiting vehicle and did not walk out the front entryway. That avoided a spectacle similar to when Paris Hilton was released after serving a jail stint in 2007.

And that’s why there aren’t a million pictures of her today. But she’s probably in that GMC Yukon, because police escorted it from her jail to UCLA where she’ll spend 90 days in drug rehab.

Hopefully the deputies let her spend a thousand dollars making her hair shine like a golden sunbeam as she watched the media grow and practiced different facial expressions in the mirror. And then when she dramatically stepped out of the bathroom and was ready to leave, they pushed her in a laundry cart and rolled it out back by the dumpster. In a perfect world they would have sealed her in a coffin, and she and her new friend would be taken to the morgue first, but the laundry cart is better than nothing.

(image source = pacific coast and getty)

Lindsay Lohan was released from jail

By brendon August 02, 2010 @ 8:27 AM

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Lindsay Lohan was released from jail at 1:35am this morning after serving just 13 days of a 90 day prison sentence. Officially she spent 14 days in jail, but that’s because LA county sheriff Lee Baca is a pussy who thinks it’s cute to play little paperwork tricks. She was discharged at 1:35am, but the process to release her reportedly began at 12:01am, and the sheriff counts that :01 as a new day in jail (*). This way both the sheriff and Lindsay can pad their stats while Lindsay gets inconvenienced as little as possible. I think we can all agree, that’s what matters most.

In Bacas defense, his instincts are uncanny. That’s why, on June 20th, his spokesperson said, “She is scheduled to be released on either Aug. 1 or 2 for overcrowding issues and good behavior.”

He knew even before she started that she was gonna behave herself. That’s amazing! (She didn’t behave but whatever.) It means that either LA has three precogs who can see how criminals will act in the future, or the sheriff is an incompetent asshole who somehow manages to keep his job. Either way, it’s damn impressive.

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