the Spiderman teaser is kind of badass

By brendon July 19, 2011 @ 10:02 AM

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Hopefully this isn’t one of those trailers that studios made exclusively for the big San Diego Comic-Con, which starts tomorrow night, because the teaser for Sony’s Spiderman reboot is pretty god damn cool. Actually it’s boring and repetitive and monotonous because we’ve already seen this stupid origin story, and this is a leaked bootleg copy so the quality is horrible, BUT THEN it gets pretty god damn cool when it kicks in to POV mode. This is the most fun you can have with any POV video that doesn’t involve Asa Akira opening her mouth.

CONFUSING UPDATE – ok, I’ll never understand this but Sony is making me take the video down, even though it makes the movie look surprisingly good and that’s the point of a trailer. So sorry if you missed it. Spiderman is now a dog, by the way. That’s one of the new things they explain in the trailer.

Katie Holmes stomach is upsetting

By brendon July 18, 2011 @ 5:24 PM

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There’s nothing wrong with Katie Holmes. It’s perfectly normal for a woman’s stomach to look like this after she has a child. And that’s one of the many, many, many reasons why kids are a plague upon this earth, and need to treated as such. I hate those useless little fuckers. They ruin everything they come in contact with. Tom Cruise must want to punch Suri right in the face. Katie used to be hot. Now she looks like she’s moulting.

(image source = wenn)

Charlie Sheen has a new TV show (not really, btw)

By brendon July 18, 2011 @ 3:33 PM

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Hollywood is apparently under the impression that ‘Anger Management’, Adam Sandlers 6th most popular movie that was released 8 years ago, has been begging to be turned into a TV show. And so that’s what they’re gonna do, and as Charlie Sheens can’t-miss comeback project no less!

Entertainment Tonight declares…

“It’s official. Charlie Sheen is returning to sitcom TV.”

Except that he’s not. All he’s doing is filming a pilot. There’s no network set to air it yet. That part is generally considered to be pretty important.

Loosely based on the 2003 comedy starring Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson, the new show would find Sheen in the Nicholson role as an anger management counselor who seems to have a few anger issues of his own.
The project reunites the former “Two and a Half Men” star with producer Joe Roth, who worked with him on such films as ‘Major League,’ ‘Young Guns’ and ‘Three Musketeers.’

Oh, well if Joe Roth is producing it, it’s bound to be good.

“I chose ‘Anger Management’ because, while it might be a big stretch for me to play a guy with serious anger management issues, I think it is a great concept,” Sheen says. “It also provides me with real ownership in the series, a certain amount of creative control and the chance to be back in business with one of my favorite movie producers of all time, Joe Roth.”

First of all, casting Sheen in the Nicholson role, where he has to do lots of yelling, is a dumb idea. It’s the opposite of every comedy Sheen has ever done. Second of all, this is just a pilot. The 4 major networks ordered 39 sitcom pilots last year. Only 9 of those ever actually made it on the air (*).  At best this will end up on second-tier basic cable, on some channel that needs attention.  No real network is gonna trust Charlie Sheen with a TV show.  I wouldn’t even trust Charlie Sheen to have the fucking remote.

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Monday headlines, with magic heroes and bikinis!

By brendon July 18, 2011 @ 1:43 PM

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HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 2 – basically broke every major box office record there is this weekend, including ‘first midnight showing’ ($43.5M), ‘opening day’ ($92.1M), ‘weekend: domestic’ ($168.5M), ‘weekend: worldwide’ ($475.5M), and ‘most malleable fanbase’. (mojo)

CASH CAB – is that game show where a taxi driver asks real customers trivia questions during their ride, and a producer for the Canadian version hit and killed a guy with the Cash Cab in Vancouver this weekend. Will he stick with one, or try and hit someone else and double his money? Find out after this break! (fox)

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE – has accepted the youtube invitation to the Marine Corps Ball with Cpl. Kelsey de Santis. Or at least he’ll go, “If my schedule works out.” And she’ll go if she hasn’t been shot to death. Leave it to Timberlake to find a way to say yes yet still look like a pretentious jackass. (cnn)

THE DARK KNIGHT RISESfinally has it’s teaser trailer officially online, over on it’s facebook page. It’s still not available in 1080 full-screen like most other trailers though, because Warner Brothers seems to think this bullshit is cute. (facebook)

THE AVENGERS – doesn’t come out until next year, but it has a teaser trailer (maybe meant only for Comic-Con, which begins Wednesday night) that has leaked online. But don’t get too excited because this a bootleg, and it’s terrible. It’s like he hid the camera in a glass of chocolate milk. (youtube, megaupload)

LAURA CROFT – hosted a pool party at the Flamingo hotel in Vegas this weekend, and all I know about her is that she was the Playmate in July of 2008, her ass is terrific, and she has the laziest fake Playboy name ever. (wenn)

Kate Upton is an entrepreneur

By brendon July 18, 2011 @ 10:05 AM

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Big-titted teen modeling sensation Kate Upton (who has appeared in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition and is a Victorias Secret Angel yet only turned 19 on June 10th) was in Miami this weekend for the “swim” portion of Mercedes Benz fashion week, specifically to promote her new line of bikinis with Beach Bunny, including her take on their “bridal bikini” line. Because apparently there’s a huge market of women who say, “I’d really love to get married under the sea, but what am I supposed to wear?”

(image source = getty)

Henifaa Yopez is seengle

By brendon July 18, 2011 @ 9:19 AM

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The big celebrity news over the weekend was that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony announced on Friday that they were ending their 7 year marriage and getting a divorce. And if you nodded your head and thought, “yes, I agree, that is a very important story”, well then I fucking hate you.

“We have decided to end our marriage,” they tell PEOPLE in a joint statement. “This was a very difficult decision. We have come to an amicable conclusion on all matters.”
“It is a painful time for all involved,” the statement continues, “and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time.”
Lopez, 41, and Anthony, 42, wed in June 2004 in a casual – and secret – ceremony at Lopez’s Beverly Hills home.

Uhh, can anyone remind me why the hell we’re supposed to pretend like these two are big stars? ‘American Idol’ pulled Lopez from the brink of obscurity, even though everyone very justifiably hates that cunt. But at least this will free up time for Marc Anthony to focus on his career. Look out Rico Suave, Marc is hot on your heels and comin for your gigs.

The Dark Knight Rises teaser sort of sucks

By brendon July 15, 2011 @ 5:28 PM

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‘The Dark Knight Rises’, the third and final Batman movie from director Christopher Nolan, only began filming on May 5th, and won’t be released until July 20th, 2012, but Warner Brothers wanted a trailer for it in front of ‘Harry Potter’ today, and so the trailer they got is mostly footage from the first two movies. It’s not online yet, all there is are a few bootleg copies like this one, but the only payoff is two fleeting glimpses of Bane set to stirring music. But at least Warner Brothers got their trailer to make people aware of Batman 3. Otherwise it would have come and gone and no one would have even known.

LITIGIOUS UPDATE – I had to take the trailer down because Warner Brothers yelled at me about posting a bootleg. Because people were watching it. Which of course is the point of a trailer. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it.

Friday headlines, with even more Kelly Brook

By brendon July 15, 2011 @ 4:52 PM

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MARTIN SCORSESE – has released a trailer for his movie ‘Hugo’, which is notable because it’s Scorseses first 3D movie, and for months people have been saying that this is the movie that could take 3D from an easy gimmick to a serious tool for talented directors to use. Also Borat falls down a lot. (apple)

CHRIS BROWN – performed on the Today show this morning and brought in a record crowd of 18,000. When asked about the crowd, Brown proudly said, “This is more girls than I could punch in a lifetime.” today

ELIN NORDEGREN – has traded up financially by going from Tiger Woods to date investor Jamie Dingman, the son of billionaire Michael Dingman. If this doesn’t work out she’ll pretty much have to date Mr. Burns. (ny post)

KELLY BROOK – showed the bikinis versatility today by wearing one to go shopping. If you’re a hot girl with big boobs, it really is the only outfit you need. The bikini: at work, home, or on the go! (splash)