Britney looks hot, part 2

By brendon August 17, 2009 @ 8:30 AM

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Actually when I worked at the Ritz Carlton I started out as a porter. Which is to say, bellman. It was a dumb job but it was real easy to make 150 a day. And of course my naturally sunny disposition and indomitable “can-do” spirit made me an ideal choice to work with the public, spreading joy and happiness to all. One time the elevators were real slow, and some dude yelled at me to do something about it. He must have thought that I could be an elevator if I felt like it, but I didn’t actually give a fuck if he had to wait for the elevators, and so that’s what I told him. He went and cried to the general manager but I just batted my big blue eyes at her and said that dude was crazy. Then I sent a prostitute to his room and called the cops.

Anyway, here’s 84, yes, 84, more pictures of Britney poolside at the Ritz Carlton. This time in a blue bikini. 84 may seem like a lot but you’ll want to see them all or else you may miss things like Britney making this face for some inexplicable reason. And then there’s whatever the hell this might be. Or this Asian chick with huge tits. I know what you’re thinking: “But did the photo agency supply a close up of Britneys crotch so we can inspect her pubic stubble?” I don’t want to ruin the suspense, but might I suggest picture 65 (-wink-).

(hq jump here. 70 more here. source = splash and fame)

Shauna Sand, WW2, teddy grahams

By brendon August 17, 2009 @ 7:00 AM

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It’s like 3:30am right now and History International has a bunch of shows on about the Pacific Theater in WWII and Mt Suribachi and the Battle of Okinawa, and the commercials during this are exactly what you might expect would be on History International at 3:30am during a bunch of shows about WWII and Mt Suribachi and the Battle of Okinawa. Point being, when did “Not Sold In Stores” become some brag-able badge of honor? All hearing that does is make me think your product sucks.  It’s not like stores are some elitist private club. They sell things. For money. That’s what they do. It’s why people go. So am I to believe that you people in the commercials prefer doing it this way, or that the store told you and your crappy product to go F yourselves? I notice Coke isn’t selling cans one by one through the mail. If you wrote Not Admitted To Any College! on a job application, I’m pretty sure whoever read it wouldn’t be tricked into thinking it was because you were a little too awesome. Companies do this shit all the time. They have something that is clearly inferior or at best useless and instead of having the god damn decency to hide it they tell you that’s precisely what makes it so amazing. Like the box for Teddy Grahams says “made with wholesome graham goodness”. What the fuck is graham? When did that become some vitamin rich superfood? It’s just a cookie, right? Not once has my doctor ever told me I haven’t been getting enough cookie. Saturn used to do the same thing with their dent-resistant doors. They replaced steel with plastic and told you this was way better. And the commercial showed a shopping cart rolling into their plastic door and then not denting. All that would be terrific if we could get drunks to stumble out of a bar and drive shopping carts around a parking lot. Until then, enjoy driving around your killing chamber with its pristine yet otherwise worthless doors.

Anyway, Shauna Sand went to the beach. Miami. Bikini. Tits.

Ta-da!

Britney looks kind of hot

By brendon August 17, 2009 @ 12:58 AM

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On Friday, Megan Fox dressed all sexy for a meeting at Casa Del Mar, a hotel on the beach in Santa Monica. At the time I mentioned that I used to tend bar there. Now we take another trip down memory lane, because Britney spent much of this weekend with her kids poolside at the Ritz-Carlton in Marina Del-Rey.  Another hotel where I used to work. And this isn’t really relevant but one time during a shift I jacked off in one of the rooms there. I don’t remember which one. The hotel runs perpendicular to the marina, basically, but every floor has four rooms at the end facing the water. It was one of those. All the way to the left. But if you’re a guest there I wouldn’t freak out about it because later I found out someone once got in the tub and put a bullet through the back of his head in that very same room, so if you’re more worried about my erotic adventures than his vengeful ghost you have some pretty fucked up priorities.

This was a pretty sexy post wasn’t it.

(hq jump here. 53 – oh that’s right – 53 more here. image source = fame and splash)

Playboy gets it

By brendon August 17, 2009 @ 12:01 AM

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Playboy hosted their 3rd Hot Summer Nights party this weekend, benefiting the United Breast Cancer Foundation, and someone over there is clearly a genius. If you want to scare people about breast cancer, you need to bring in a bunch of girls with huge breasts, really remind them what we stand to lose.  If you invite a bunch of survivors, you take the chance that the girl is pretty anyway, then people think maybe breast cancer is not so bad.  But it is bad.  As far as life changing events, it’s even bigger than getting pregnant.  Because you can’t just drown cancer in the sink.

(hq jump here. source = wenn)

Stick to things like this

By brendon August 14, 2009 @ 5:56 PM

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Jenny McCarthy is mostly famous these days for her comically uninformed rants about vaccines causing autism. Time magazine and Johns Hopkins hospital say there’s no evidence of any kind that this is true, but Jenny has big tits and showed her vagina in a magazine, so really she’s just as much of an expert as these so called “doctors”.

People who defend Jenny says she’s just a loving parent who cured her son of autism (even though “countless” doctors and hospitals never thought he had it to begin with).  So maybe Jenny is doing what any mom would do.  Like begging God to kill your kid, for example.

…she was pushed to her emotional limits by her son’s illness, even wishing he would die.
The blonde actress hit rock bottom when seven-year-old Evan, who suffers from autism, was given medication which kept him awake for four days.
He suffered hallucinations and would bang his head against a bed until he bled. McCarthy was so devastated by what was happening to her beloved boy, she thought it would be best if he died so he wouldn’t be in anymore pain.
“I ran out of my house and into my driveway and screamed at the top of my lungs to God to just take him away, because I loved him so much and he was in so much pain.”

Can we finally all agree that this bitch is out of her mind and has no idea WTF she’s talking about. Yes, she’s very attractive, but being sexy doesn’t qualify you to dispense medical advice.  Listening to her about autism would be like getting a sexy nurse from a Halloween party to treat your leukemia.

These kids are so screwed

By brendon August 14, 2009 @ 4:59 PM

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Jon Gosselin of “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ says the incident last night, the one that left Kate being escorted away in tears, began as a simple miscommunication until Kate called the cops and ramped up the fake tears for the cameras

“[Kate] tried to come home yesterday and I wouldn’t let her in the gate and I guess she called the police. It was a miscommunication.”
“She tried to ‘cry it up’ with the cops and it didn’t work,” Jon says. “They said, ‘You have to leave.’ ”
Jon says he called a babysitter, Stephanie Santoro, to watch the children … Kate, apparently, wasn’t thrilled with the babysitter he hired, but Jon says he doesn’t understand why.
“I have no idea [why she was unhappy]. I guess [because] she didn’t have approval.

Another possibility is that Kate disapproved because Santoro isn’t a “nanny” like Julie Andrews in “The Sound of Music”, but is more like a “slut” from a Rent-A-Center “Coyote Ugly”.

Jon says he called babysitter Stephanie Santoro — a 23-year-old single mother and aspiring model who has stayed overnight and partied with Jon — to watch the kids while he was filming Jon & Kate Plus 8.
Santoro who also works as a “shooter girl” selling shots at local club Legends

God these poor kids. I don’t even like stupid kids and I feel bad for them. I’d rather have some 7-foot bodybuilder in a wolf mask with a big knife babysit than anyone listed so far in this story. At least then the kids would get exercise, although mostly from running and screaming.

George Clooney seems reasonable

By brendon August 14, 2009 @ 3:50 PM

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George Clooney is preparing a number of lawsuits after pictures were published of a 13-year-old girl as she changed clothes while alone in one of the rooms of his Italian villa. TMZ says…

…paparazzi climbed over the wall of his Italian home and shot a topless photo of a 13-year-old girl changing in one of his guest rooms.
The photographer also took shots of Clooney and his girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis enjoying private moments in the yard of his estate.
The photos were published in two magazines — and in a statement Clooney says he’s gunning to sue both the mags and the photog who took the pictures.
“We’re suing two magazines AND a photographer. I don’t know about the law in the United States but in Italy it’s illegal for photographers to climb over my wall and to take long lens pictures of a 13-year-old girl in her bedroom.”

Holy crap. It’s hard to find any way to defend taking secret pictures of a topless 13-year-old girl. Unless she was really hot, I mean. And she looked way older, and this was the only way to get them because she was real stuck up. Then I think maybe this would be okay. I think George would understand if he could just hear my side I mean this gentleman’s side of the story.

Tony Romo is insulting

By brendon August 14, 2009 @ 3:05 PM

Jessica Simpson Drunk at Katsuya

I don’t know who these “sources” are telling Fox News that Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson because of her drinking, but it’s obvious they don’t think very much of us.

“Jessica would get really drunk and obnoxious, it was out of control. She would be sprawled everywhere with her head on his lap and the look on Tony’s face said it all,” an insider said. “He was so embarrassed in front of all the guys and his teammates were really harsh on him over it. Breaking up was a really hard decision for Tony to make.”

Seriously? Are we being serious here? We’re supposed to believe the Dallas Cowboys – the DALLASFUCKINGCOWBOYS – were offended by Jessica Simpsons partying? If anything they were annoyed because the stripper they punched out and tied up in the trunk of their Bentley would wake up any minute now and they needed to go bury her in the desert before then, and Jessica was taking to long to pass out. Saying your drinking was offending the Dallas Cowboys is like saying your anti-semitism was bothering the other guys in the SS.