Oh dear god yes

By brendon June 09, 2009 @ 8:34 AM

100spl105628_005

Jessica Simpson did nothing but walk around NYC last night, but she did it with her long golden locks dropping down on a slimming black dress and a push up bra, and at one point it kinda looked like she was feeling her own awesomely huge breast, so for today it’s the worlds most important story.  Now I’m gonna wash down a bottle of roofies with a quart of vodka and then get a horse to kick me in the head in hopes I can forget all about her fat phase from last month.   It’s extreme, but so was the amount of pressure on the seams of her Daisy Dukes.

(image source = splash. hq jump = here)

Pointless nudity is here to help

By brendon June 09, 2009 @ 7:36 AM

99fp_3126302_dohan_meital_excl_trb_060709

To erase the memory of my self-indulgent whoring, here’s Israeli actress Meital Dohan as the ocean thankfully yanked her top down off the beaches of St. Barths. I have no idea who she is, and her chest ins’t that great, but I admire the way she doesn’t mind her bikini bottom (not a thong, btw) sticking to her ass crack like the two were bonded that way with cement.  Average looking girls make up a lot of ground quickly if they don’t mind random things being shoved up their ass.

(image source = fame. hq jump = here)

Morning Headlines

By brendon June 09, 2009 @ 6:42 AM

99fight1

RUSSELL CROWE – has worked with director Ridley Scott 4 times already, but things are not going so well on the set of their untitled Robin Hood project. “The producers had to fly to London because Russell and Ridley won’t talk to each other. Every time they stop filming, it costs the production millions of dollars.” The movie has a budget of 175m already but it will likely go way over that. Which is all you need to know about Hollywood. Filming 90 minutes of guys in the woods with bows and arrows made of sticks can somehow cost more than a 6 month vacation on the moon. (source = Page Six)

LINDSAY LOHAN – is apparently back on with Samantha RonOH MY FUCKING GOD these two are so boring. (source = Sun UK)

HOW COOL IS THIS – even though every third word on this page is “I” or “me”, I don’t actually talk about myself on here because unlike some I don’t feel my website is my personal fucking diary and promotion machine, but how cool is that banner picture? That is it my friends. The actual bar of soap Brad Pitt holds in the Fight Club promos and the image we tricked for the website header. I got it thanks to a heads up from Tim Sykes, who I wanted to thank publicly. It’s actually aluminum and weighs about two pounds. It’s silver obviously and not pink because when they made pink ones the font didn’t show up in the pics. So they made this and photoshopped the color later. (other pics here and here and here)

Madonna will adopt that little girl

By brendon June 09, 2009 @ 5:57 AM

992602117792_175c5fae7d_o

If you’re like me, your haunting blue eyes are an ocean of seductive intrigue, beckoning the brave to leap into a new world of passion, but more to the point, you we’re broken hearted when Madonna didn’t get her way that one time. Oh but good news. The Sun UK says…

MADONNA has persuaded three appeal judges to allow her to adopt Malawian orphan MERCY JAMES.
Two have already submitted reports recommending it go ahead and the third is said to be “in complete unison with them”.
The ruling is set to be announced next Sunday at Malawi’s Supreme Court of Appeal.
A source there said yesterday: “The paperwork is being typed up now.

As always, Madonna is ugly, and people who are, ya know, “that way” make me uncomfortable, so in the banner there’s a mom donkey with her baby (again here and here). Meanwhile, this donkeys name is Joe. Hi Joe!

Afternoon Headlines

By brendon June 08, 2009 @ 11:52 AM

1905013_017498317_122_722lo

LINDSAY LOHAN – “I watched open-mouthed as Linds sat with her straggly hair all over her face looking strangely detached from the world and mumbled: ‘I feel so, like, caged. Totally caged’ … ‘She just wouldn’t stop saying she felt caged … it really was like watching a broken girl in the middle of a complete breakdown.’  My jaw once again dropped as Lindsay – who had a vodka in hand throughout the night – squirmed around as if trying to hide in a ball on the floor.”

I think she’s reverted back to being a monkey. Cool. (source = Mirror UK)

DARREN THE WAVING GOAT -  It’s a goat.  And he waves.  (source = Metro UK).

HEIDI AND SPENCER – No not really.  People do realize we don’t have to play along and get all exasperated when these two fuckin inbreds do things with the sole intention of irritating everyone, right?  I promise this will be the last time you ever see either of their names on this page.

Audrina and her big tits in Vegas are a different story. I just hope that badass with the spiked hair doesn’t mind me posting these.  I’d hate to get on his bad side. I’m gonna go lock my doors just in case Eeeeekk!  Oh God I thought I saw him outside!  And then I got real scared because he’s so tough looking.  (hq jump = here)

This is gonna be a good movie

By brendon June 08, 2009 @ 10:26 AM

Riley Steele, Kelly Brook

Piranha 3D stars Academy Award nominees Elisabeth Shue and Richard Dreyfuss (seriously), so I was curious as to why Kelly Brook would be on a yacht on Lake Havasu while pornstar Riley Steele licks her chest, so I did some investigating, and it turns out the answer is, “Who cares”.

Ninjas killed David Carradine

By brendon June 08, 2009 @ 10:08 AM

1female-ninjas-girls-sport-sex_big

I don’t know who’s in charge of handing out gold medals for opening paragraphs but I dare you to do better than the New York Post…

A secret sect of kung fu assassins could have silenced actor David Carradine as he delved into their shadowy activities, according to his family’s lawyer.

Aha! I knew it!

…attorney Mark Geragos suggested that Carradine may have been killed as he tried to uncover groups working in the martial-arts underworld.
The lawyer said the actor’s family refuses to believe he died in a sadomasochistic sex stunt gone wrong — despite his being found naked with a rope tied around his neck, wrists and genitals.
The bizarre claim was made on “Larry King Live” on CNN Friday after a panel member said, “David was very interested in investigating and disclosing secret societies.”
“What that means is connected to martial arts and his interest in martial arts,” he continued. “And so there is a suspicion that if there was some foul play, that that may be the first area where they should look.”

I hope this works because it will be awesome to blame some secret society every time I get caught being a pervert. “The Free Masons planted those panties, and a coven of witches hexed my computer to download ‘Oops I Swallowed Again’ “.

They’re all whores

By brendon June 08, 2009 @ 9:33 AM

SPL85844_014
A few weeks I mentioned the great Mark Ebner and his website Hollywood Interrupted after he posted a list of Playmates that also worked as high-end call girls.  Victoria Silvstedt was the big name on the list, making up to 30 grand a day when she took clients in Dubai.  Point being, Ebners latest book is called “Six Degrees Of Paris Hilton”, and now he has an unpublished excerpt that reveals Paris Hilton used to kinda-sorta fuck for money too.

I got in touch with Elizabeth Jawhary, a former Hollywood party girl who claims she serviced both Burkle (Ron Burkle, who founded several supermarket chains including SoCal giant Ralphs) and Field (Ted Field, heir to the Marshall-Field department store chain and co-founder of Interscope Records) on occasion.
Indeed, when I first contacted her, she was quick to volunteer, “With Paris it was very low key. She would fly down and I was there with them. We would party pretty hard. Paris got naked, and the girls would get naked. This was mainly in Vegas. There were times where you would have Ted or Ron come down, and they would pretty much pay for girl-on-girl action. I’d be there. And they’d pay to watch us girls going at it.”

Much of this happened on Burkles private plane, and it’s probably more of a case of everyone being coked out of their minds than real prostitution.  I guess the novelty was that it was a Hilton, because her fug ass couldn’t make money as a whore any other way.  I’d rather have Frankenstein with a machete on my plane than Paris Hilton as she begs for attention.