lebron james looks terrible

By brendon December 29, 2009 @ 12:39 PM

Victoria Silvstedt

The jersey threw me off but apparently that’s not LeBron James yesterday on the beach in Miami, but it is Playmate of the Year/professional prostitute Victoria Silvstedt.

It’s always nice to see girls with big tits in bikinis, but all things considered her outfit is a little conservative. When I go to Miami I sex that shit up. I don’t do an hour a day on the stairs just to hide this magic under a speedo. I usually just drop my business in a sock and twist-tie the base, but since it’s Christmas time I might just wrap some festive ribbon around my balls.

(source = inf daily)

“…kicked her in the vagina.”

By brendon December 29, 2009 @ 11:14 AM

59159834

Lindsay Lohans’ dad Michael was arrested on December 14th for violating a restraining order put on him by his ex girlfriend Erin Muller, and yesterday Muller stepped things up by filing papers with a New York court claiming Lohan beat her at least a dozen times during their 2-year relationship. Some of the highlights…

Dec. 9, 2007: Michael Lohan “slapped Erin in the face twice because Erin accused him of giving her a fake watch on her birthday.
Feb. 2008: Michael “punched Erin in the mouth” because she had a male friend on Facebook
March 2008: Michael “whipped a computer cord” at her face but she blocked it with her hand … causing a laceration.
May 5, 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the ribs.”
May 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain.”
June 2008: Michael “spit in Erin’s face, and beat her repeatedly with his fist.” Then he “yelled at her to ‘stop crying c*nt — other people will see you — if they see you, I will kill you!’”

I like when stories like this are made public because I’m a crappy boyfriend but at least I’ve never kicked my girlfriend in her vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain. In fact I’ve had several girlfriends comment that their vagina was never even sore, and in some cases showroom new, even after we’d dated for several months.

So I don’t mean to brag but … hey wait a second…

its the 911 call

By brendon December 28, 2009 @ 6:43 PM

xwenn1895592

The 911 call placed by Charlie Sheens wife Brooke Mueller on Christmas day after he choked her and threatened her with a knife has been released, and it’s a delightful peek into the life of a Hollywood playboy who has been above the law his entire life. Some of the highlights…

911: Tell me exactly what happened.
BROOKE: My husband had me, with a knife and I’m scared for my life and he threatened me.

911: Which room is he in, when the officers enter the house which room will he be in?
BROOKE: In the bathroom.
911: And which room are you in?
BROOKE: In the kitchen. I thought I was gonna die, (unintelligible, perhaps “someone help me”.)
911: What’s your name?
BROOKE: Brooke.
911: And whats your husbands name?
BROOKE: It’s Charlie Sheen.

Soon after that Brooke says he’s trying to sneak out of the house but the officers arrived just a few seconds later and his brilliant escape plan was foiled. The reason she sounds drunk is because she was drunk, reportedly registering a .13 BAL. That might also explain her unthinkably bad self-defense skills. If someone is chasing you around the house with a small knife, don’t go wait for them in the room where the bigger, stabbier knives are kept. “Okay ma’am, where are you know?” “I’m in the kitchen with my back to the hallway, tying my shoelaces together and yelling that he’s a fag who isn’t man enough to stop me.”

somethin for the ladies…

By brendon December 28, 2009 @ 4:35 PM

xfp_4279449_pis_ratner_girlfriend_122809

Dimwitted pervert Brett Ratner is on St Barths today with some unknown daredevil who presumably lets him fumble around on top of her, and for her sake I hope she isn’t using any cocoa butter stuff on that tight young body of hers. You don’t want butter flavored skin when you’re trapped on a boat with one of natures purest sources of fat and stomachs.

(source = fame images)

charlie sheen went after his wife with a knife

By brendon December 28, 2009 @ 3:31 PM

36633PCN_SheenMug

Charlie Sheen has been arrested so many times it’s hard to keep up, but at least 5 times for drug possession, soliciting prostitutes, and credit card fraud. He was not arrested when he shot Kelly Preston in the arm or when he allegedly threatened to kill Denise Richards and their kids or when he maybe killed a hooker.

Three days ago he was arrested again for second-degree assault, menacing and criminal mischief after he choked his wife and now it’s being reported he threatened her with a knife.

As we exclusively reported Saturday, a source close to Charlie Sheen’s Christmas day scuffle in Colorado revealed that a “weapon of some sort,” had been involved. Now the same source tells E! News the weapon present in Sheen’s domestic dispute, and the cause of his felony menacing charges, was a knife.
During the reported domestic dispute between Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller, the Two and a Half Men star allegedly threatened his better half with a knife in the living room of her Aspen rental home.

This sucks for her but Charlie Sheen is a violent, drug addicted piece of shit and always has been. Of course he tried to kill her. If I owned a health insurance company, that’s one thing I’d look for. Do you smoke, do you drink, and are you married to Charlie Sheen? If you answered yes to any of those, fuck you. What am I, made out of money.

shut down the beaches!

By brendon December 28, 2009 @ 3:30 PM

SPL147983_005

Ice T and his wife CoCo were in Miami today, and it weren’t no time at all before pictures started floatin around that proved just that. Sheriff Brody begged the city council to shut down the beaches but they wouldn’t listen. Didn’t wanna start a panic, scare off the tourists, they said. Not with the winter festival comin’ up. Well now this CoCo as they’re callin her has gone and found a little girl. They knew CoCo was out there and they did nothin and now a little girl is in the headlines too. Now y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll catch this bird for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy. This one here’ll, swallow you whole. Little shakin’, little tenderizin’, an’ down you go. I’ll find her for three, but I’ll catch her, and kill her, for ten. But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up.

jude law had a good weekend

By brendon December 28, 2009 @ 1:31 PM

Jo Miller, Sienna Miller, Jude Law

The last few days have probably been some of the best Jude Law can remember. He hasn’t had a movie make more than a million dollars, total, in the US since 2006, the same year Sienna Miller ended their engagement and dumped him after he fukced his nanny.

But look at him now. He’s on top of the world again. His hair plugs have settled in nicely, his new movie ‘Sherlock Holmes’ made 66 million on it’s opening weekend, and he and Sienna looked very much together again when they spent Christmas day in the Caribbean. Unfortunately for him that’s where the fun ended, because his kids were there too, and instead of a nanny for him to bang they brought Siennas mom.  So rather than getting oral from his slutty girlfriend in some tropical paradise, he got to hear, “The History of My Knick Knacks, starring these Cow Figurines and over 100 Commemorative Spoons about the Beatles.”

(source = inf daily)

i dont feel so good

By brendon December 28, 2009 @ 10:40 AM

x_rihanna_on_the_beach-9

Rihanna spent the Christmas holidays back home in Barbados, and yesterday she launched her attack on my erection when she went to the beach in this disturbingly small bikini. If her ass was the size of her chest and her chest was the size of her ass, it would have been fantastic, but they’re not so it wasn’t.

This will probabaly be another time when some fatties will gasp for air while typing on their chocolate crumb coated keyboard to ask who gave me the right to call people like Rihanna fat, and to put out the message that all girls should be skinny with big tits or else they suck. Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was America!