Madonna spent her 51st birthday in Italy this week with her 21-year-old boyfriend, whose illicit geriatric lust must have been like a fire inside as she walked around, probably shakily, with her old lady parasol. And since he has no dignity or self respect, some of his... read more

Mary Kate looks terrible

People kept emailing me this picture from Boston.com, and I thought it was because Mary Kate Olsen looked so bad that they misidentified her as Steven Tyler, but then I eventually put it together. read more

Everyone hates Gwyneth Paltrow

Brace yourself for the shock of a lifetime, but new reports are claiming Gwyneth Paltrow is a stuck up pain in the ass. Oh I know right! Fox News says... A source says some of the "Iron Man" team had secret hopes of her character being recast, or even killed in the... read more

Michael will be buried next week

Nine days ago, the London paper the Mirror said Michael Jackson had been quietly buried the day before in a secret ceremony so fans wouldn't know where he was. They said... The King of Pop was quietly buried at the Forest Lawn Cemetery, Hollywood Hills – without a even a... read more

Morning Headlines

JOE ROGAN - pee's in a cup and then drinks it in this video. And he gets some radio DJ to do the same. So in a way it's like 2 Girls 1 Cup, except it's guys and their penises. In other words, it's way worse. (source - redban) MICHAEL JACKSON - may or may not have been... read more

These kids are so screwed

Jon Gosselin of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" says the incident last night, the one that left Kate being escorted away in tears, began as a simple miscommunication until Kate called the cops and ramped up the fake tears for the cameras "[Kate] tried to come home yesterday and I... read more

George Clooney seems reasonable

George Clooney is preparing a number of lawsuits after pictures were published of a 13-year-old girl as she changed clothes while alone in one of the rooms of his Italian villa. TMZ says... ...paparazzi climbed over the wall of his Italian home and shot a topless photo... read more

Tony Romo is insulting

I don't know who these "sources" are telling Fox News that Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson because of her drinking, but it's obvious they don't think very much of us. "Jessica would get really drunk and obnoxious, it was out of control. She would be sprawled everywhere... read more

Megan Fox is very important

Megan Fox wore this awesomely tight dress to a meeting yesterday at Hotel Casa Del Mar in Santa Monica. Where I used to bar tend. I hope there wasn't some confusion. I hope she didn't get all dressed up because she thought I still worked there. She did look pretty sad... read more

Kate Gosselin is very sad

Kate Gosselin was photographed crying yesterday evening as she checked into a hotel moments after being escorted from her home by the police. Splash News says... Kate checks into the Days Inn moments after having a fight with Jon Gosselin at the front gate of their home.... read more

Afternoon headlines

KIRSTIE ALLEY - has four years to live because of her binge eating and total lack of self control. She's now 58 and over 250 pounds. The article is from the Enquirer, but put the quotes in a different order and you could rewrite it for Popular Science, bragging that even... read more

Family Guy might be funny again

I haven't watched "Family Guy" in like two years because it sort of became the same joke over and over again, and that sort of thing hit a little too close to home, but the live read they did last night makes me reconsider. The Hollywood Reporter has three clips online... read more