Kim Kardashian is a fitness model

By brendon April 13, 2011 @ 5:26 PM


I’m not surprised that there’s a company with a product that can change the shape of a girls ass, and that they hired Kim Kardashian to promote it, I’m just surprised that the product isn’t hot dogs.

It’s actually Sketcher’s Shape Ups, the workout shoe designed to tone and firm your thighs and buttocks. Naturally they hired Kim to promote it, and today she and her mom filmed a commercial for them in Santa Monica, because who doesn’t want to look like Kim Kardashian from the waist down?

So when they bring this footage to the editor and tell him to make a commercial that will sell shoes to girls, how many times do you think he’ll say, “are you fucking kidding me?”

(image source = fame)

Catherine Zeta Jones is bi-polar

By brendon April 13, 2011 @ 4:13 PM


The last time we saw Catherine Zeta Jones, she was in London to receive a medal from Prince Charles (wait, what?). She was with her husband Michael Douglas, going through a crowd of paparazzi and then screaming, “How dare you punch me” like a crazy woman (video here).

Now it turns out she is crazy. Crazy about hats? Yes! But also regular crazy too.

Catherine Zeta-Jones has checked into a hospital for Bipolar II Disorder.
Her rep tells ET, “After dealing with the stress of the past year, Catherine made the decision to check in to a mental health facility for a brief stay to treat her Bipolar II Disorder. She’s feeling great and looking forward to starting work this week on her two upcoming films.”

It’s possible, I guess, that this and Michaels stage 4 cancer are just bad luck, but it’s probably because their son is the devil. Like in the Omen. That kid is terrifying. He couldn’t look any more evil unless he was inside a pentagram drawn in blood.

(image source = inf daily)

Scarlett Johansson moved in with Sean Penn

By brendon April 13, 2011 @ 3:25 PM

EXCLUSIVE: Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson Out for a Jog With O

Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn have only been dating for two months, in part because she only announced she was divorcing Ryan Reynolds four months ago, but today Us magazine says she’s already moved in to his house in Malibu.

Wow what an idiot. Is he dying or something?

Relocating from her temporary digs at a West Hollywood hotel, the recently divorced 26-year-old “has essentially moved in over the last few weeks,” the source says. And now that the actress and Penn, 50, share the same roof after months of furtive sightings at hotspots in Hollywood, Mexico and beyond, “they just stay home” whenever they can.

That part about staying home is noteworthy because Scarlett is only 6 years older than Penns daughter and 9 years older than his son. I hope that kid didn’t used to jack off to Scarlett. Because now his dad is banging her. In the next room. I didn’t even like it when my dad took the piece of mealoaf I wanted.

(image source = akm/flynet)

“Wait, don’t leave! I’m not done!’’

By brendon April 13, 2011 @ 2:06 PM

Charlie Sheen

Fresh from getting boo’d off the stage in New York, Charlie Sheen took his show to Boston last night and proved he can drive audiences away no matter where he goes. The Boston Globe says…

Just before 10 last night, as hundreds of disgusted spectators streamed toward the exits at Agganis Arena, Charlie Sheen shouted from the stage: “Wait, don’t leave! I’m not done!’’
But most of them kept right on going, and who could blame them? For nearly 90 minutes they had been subjected to a witless barrage of non sequiturs, non-stories, non-jokes — a non-event, start to finish.
When the dreary debacle was finally over, the applause died before Sheen had even left the stage.

Charlie Sheen is a bitter and delusional drunk, so I’m not sure why those people are booing. What the hell did they expect. It’s like boo’ing at the Special Olympics.

(note: paula dean was at the same new york hotel as sheen, and sheen is searching for a new goddess. coincidence?)

oh f**k you, People magazine

By brendon April 13, 2011 @ 12:52 PM


People magazine has named Jennifer Lopez as the Worlds Most Beautiful Woman, and they must mean off on some fantasy world because that’s a ridiculous fucking statement. She’s ok looking when she’s all dressed up (*), but she still has a big ass and no tits. She’s round, smooth, orange and rotten inside. People just named a pumpkin as the most beautiful woman on earth.

(*) my original plan was to post new pictures of her and call her ugly but she foiled that because the newest ones were from the American Idol finalist party and she looked sort of great. The bikini and bodysuit pics are from here and here.

Lindsay Lohan is still pretending to be in movies

By brendon April 12, 2011 @ 7:05 PM

gotti press conference 120411

Lindsay Lohan joined John Travolta at a press conference in New York this morning to promote their new movie about John Gotti.

Granted Lindsay isn’t actually in it yet, but she’s supposed to play Gottis daughter Victoria, who was also there along with her brother, a good sign that this movie will be unbiased and won’t have some kind of agenda.

Now try and guess why Lindsay is being considered.

“I’ve known [Victoria] and the family for many years and she’s a strong willed woman. She is completely devoted to her family and I admire her strength and self respect,” Lindsay said.
Now if only they’d make her an offer she can’t refuse.
“We’re in very beginning stages [of negotiations],” producer Mark Fiore tells E!
“She’s a terrific actress and she looks a lot like Victoria when she was that age. And Lindsay and her mom are very good friends with Victoria Gotti.”

I guess I was wrong about this. I went on the producers website and it’s first class, with only the finest clip art and youtube videos. And his partner is Stuttering John! Clearly they know what they’re doing. The only question now is which RedBox will host the premiere.

Scarlett Johansson isn’t pregnant, just fat

By brendon April 12, 2011 @ 3:36 PM


If one day you put on clothes that aren’t tailor made to hide all your flaws and suddenly people see that you’re kind of chubby, so much so that your publicist has to officially declare that there’s not a second person inside of you, that’s maybe not the most flattering thing in the world.

In a related story Scarlett Johansson went jogging with Sean Penn yesterday.

“Scarlett is not pregnant,” the rep says in a statement.
What about that supposed “bump” that appears in the photos?
“She’s outside running and it’s simply the placement of her shirt that is misleading,” the rep explains.
“She’s been training for The Avengers for over 4 months and is in the best shape of her life.”

It’s not the shirt, dude. It’s just Scarlett. Look at her out with her twin brother. Look at that gut! Blur out her face and this could be that “waddling asses at the mall” montage the news always shows when bikini season is right around the corner.

(image source = akm/flynet)

Kirstie Alley lost her shoe on Dancing With The Stars

By brendon April 12, 2011 @ 1:04 PM

Kirstie Alley lost her shoe in the middle of her performance on Dancing With The Stars last night, but since her partner does all work, all the “heavy lifting” if you will, it was fine. And now people are starting to say she could win the whole show. Which is amazing because 95 percent of the performance is her walking sideways at a normal pace while her partner holds her steady. It looks more like a video of someone getting physical therapy set to stirring music.

(full clip above, edit to where she loses her shoe here)

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