Snooki crashed into an Italian police car

By brendon May 31, 2011 @ 12:26 PM

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Everyone on ‘Jersey Shore’ is dumb as a rock, so to say that Snooki is the dumbest one means she’s practically retarded. It’s like being the ugliest catfish.

True to form, she crashed into the back of a police car this weekend while filming in Florence, putting the two officers in the hospital for minor injuries. She was then taken into custody, though not arrested, because she didn’t have any of her paperwork (oh what a surprise), and will now lose her driving privileges.

It’s actually amazing she even made it to the street without crashing. Whatever the gene is for spatial reasoning, women don’t have it. They’re awesome at a lot of things but they can’t measure for shit. Look at that headline picture. I guarantee her last words were, “I can make that, right?” So to let her drive in Italy had disaster written all over it. You might as well blindfold her and spin her around first.

(image source = pacific coast)

Hermione is optimistic

By brendon May 31, 2011 @ 10:43 AM

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Emma Watson is in Pittsburgh these days to film ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’, and over the weekend she went to the gym in a sports bra, just in case her breasts somehow doubled in size while working out and would need one.

(image source = pacific coast)

Michelle Rodriguez is in Monaco

By brendon May 31, 2011 @ 9:51 AM

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Michelle Rodriguez spent the weekend watching the Monte Carlo Grand Prix, and even though she wore pants you could (once again) kind of see her ass. Sebastian Vettel was the winner of the Grand Prix btw, and Michelle was the winner of the Intersex Bikini Contest.

(image source = flynet)

Sean Kingston is not having a good Memorial Day

By brendon May 30, 2011 @ 11:30 AM

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Rapper Sean Kingston was on a jet ski off Miami beach yesterday, when suddenly the Palm Island Bridge came out of nowhere and pulled right in front of him and he crashed into it. Guess who won that fight.

Hip-hop star Sean Kingston was operating a jet ski in Miami Beach early Sunday evening when the watercraft collided with a bridge. His condition has now been stabilized.
“Sean was heading west from the MacArthur Causeway and Miami Beach Islands when his personal watercraft collided with the bridge, and he and his female passenger ended up in the water,” a spokesman tells PEOPLE.
“A good Samaritan tended to the two of them until Miami Beach Fire Rescue arrived and saw there were injuries.”
investigations into the cause of the accident are still underway, but “nothing indicates there was alcohol involved.”

Hmm. No alcohol, huh? Well is there anything else a rapper from Jamaica who was having a party in Miami might have had around that would perhaps dull his senses to the point where he would run into a fucking 800 ton bridge? The cause of this wreck is a real mind bender.

Rihanna is bashful

By brendon May 27, 2011 @ 1:36 PM

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Rihanna was on ‘Today’ this morning, wearing a half shirt and fishnets and singing ‘S&M’.  Because that was the most elaborate way anybody at ‘Today’ could think of to tell their normal audience of housewives and old people to fuck off.

(image source = inf)

Kim Kardashians 15yo sister is on birth control

By brendon May 27, 2011 @ 12:57 PM

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The new season of ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ begins on June 12th, and in the latest commercial it’s revealed that 15-year-old Kendall Jenner is already on birth control.

Yeah this seems like it’s gonna end well.

In the teaser promo for the new season of ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians,’ Bruce Jenner is less than pleased when he finds his daughter’s stash of birth control pills.
“She is on birth control, but I’m the one who has all the talks with her,” Khloe Kardashian told E! News.
Kardashian continued, “It’s not that reason why she’s on birth control,” insinuating that Jenner’s use of the pill is for other medical issues.

It may seem irresponsible to put a 15-year-old on birth control, but the chilling reality is we live in a world where 15-year-olds get pregnant every day, often on purpose. That’s why I use a condom, every time, whether they say they’re on birth control or not.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are going to hell

By brendon May 27, 2011 @ 10:06 AM

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Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez spent another day in Hawaii yesterday, and at this point that Latin ass has become too much for him to take and he’s spending every waking moment tryin to tap that. And he’s a little faggot but who could blame him. She must be tight as a drum. Her kitty must be like a vice. You could put a vibrator in her and it use it like a handle. Grab the end sticking out and swing her around by it.

(image source = splash and bauer griffin) and flynet)

Sasha Jackson should be more popular

By brendon May 26, 2011 @ 6:08 PM

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British actress Sasha Jackson isn’t a big star in Hollywood yet, but she’s really skinny with big breasts and that sexy accent so I feel like she should be. It’s not like acting is hard for Christs sake. Someone thinks up some words for you to say, and then you say them. And you don’t even have to memorize the words. If you’re too dumb for that they’ll write them on a card for you and then all you have to do is read them out loud. And if you can’t even do that right, that’s fine too, because we’ll just stand here all day and wait for you. You get unlimited chances at reading the words out loud. Imagine that you were a waiter, and you were supposed to bring a Coke to a customer, and someone went and got you a Coke and handed it to you but somehow you still managed to bring the customer a Sprite. Perhaps because, on your own, you decided a Sprite would be better. So then the whole restaurant just sat there and waited for you to try again. And the next time you brought out a knife. So everyone sat there and waited for you to try again. And the next time you went to the freezer instead of the dining room. So everyone sat there and waited for you to try again. And this went on for 6 hours, with everyone patiently waiting for you to do something any retarded toddler could manage. That’s what being an actor is like. So why the hell do we put up with so many ugly actresses with small breasts and no sexy accents. This is complete bullshit.

(image source of Sasha yesterday in Malibu = pacific coast)