HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU, YOUR PENIS

As god as my witness I'm not even positive who Kristin Cavallari is. I believe she’s that girl from that show. On MTV. The one where it’s supposed to be unscripted but it's all staged. Not the new one though, or the brand new one, but that other one. The older one. I... read more

IVE GOT BAD NEWS

Kelly Brook and her new boyfriend Danny Cipriani are spending the holidays in the Caribbean, and I’ve never heard of this dude until three seconds ago, but according to published reports I made up just now, he’s a homo, and he’s lying to Kelly so he can be seen with her... read more

LISA RINNA IS NOT BAD

Lisa Rinna made news last week when it was reveled she was going to pose for Playboy, even though she’s 45 now. Her body is actually kind of hot, as you can see in these pictures taken over the weekend in Miami, and even though no one wants the see old ladies naked for... read more

MATT DILLON DRIVES 106 MPH

Honest to God if you showed me a map right now I'm not positive I could point out which one was Vermont, but I’m an idiot so maybe that’s not true for most people. Also I'm not a mapmaker so who the fuck cares. The point being, Vermont has entered my very narrow circle of... read more

NO ONE LIKES DANE COOK

We’ve all felt cheated by Dane Cook over the years, as he robbed so very many of us of our good moods and laughter, so it only seems fitting that someone would rob him too. Except in this case they didn’t steal millions of smiles, they stole millions of dollars. The... read more

IS SHE DATING THAT DUDE OR NOT?

It seems like forever since people on the internet have speculated blindly about Britneys love life, so let's do that now. Today's big rumor is that she’s dating an Indian choreographer named Sandip Soparrkar, but the Times of India (oh that’s right) is calling... read more

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OH STFU SCARLETT

I don’t even dislike Scarlett Johansson, but actors shouldn’t be allowed to talk for at least 10 years after they become famous. Actors are fucking retards, and celebrity interviewers are even dumber than that, so really what's the point. You might as well ask your dog... read more

THAT TWILIGHT GUY IS TOUCHY

The print edition of Us magazine says that inexplicably popular "Twilight" star Robert Pattison was at the Improv in Hollywood when the comedian on stage made a joke about the death of Heath Ledger. Pattinson then yelled out, "fuck you, you suck". Because he was so... read more

RACHEL RAY WILL KILL YOUR DOG

The National Enquirer (according to celebitchy) reports this week that celebrity chef / annoying cunt Rachel Ray shared a recipe in Modern Dog magazine called “Isaboos Butternut Squash Mac and Cheddar”. And there's an article and a recipe and even a picture of her dog... read more

STUFF FROM ALL OVER

DENISE RICHARDS IS DOING GREAT – the first pictures of Denise Richards starring in a Bollywood movie are making the rounds today, and I've never seen an entire Indian movie, but I like to assume they’re all still like this. Because I’m incredibly racist.MATTHEW MCCAUGHEY... read more

THIS IS MORE LIKE IT, KATY PERRY - UPDATE

Lets not beat around the bush: Katy Perry has one of the best celebrity bodies I’ve ever seen. You could never tell before because she’s an annoying dork who always wraps that shit up, but this week she was down in Mexico and HOLY CRAP those things are fantastic. Her tits... read more

OH GOD THIS IS GROSS

Billie Piper is a bigger celebrity in the UK than she is here, but she does star in the Showtime series, "Something Something Something Callgirl". And now she stars in the creepy images I can’t un-see after breastfeeding on Miami beach this weekend. God I absolutely hate... read more

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