Amy Winehouse drank herself to death

By brendon October 26, 2011 @ 11:52 AM


When Amy Winehouse died, her dad Mitch told everyone that, though he wasn’t certain about what killed her, she definitely didn’t overdose because she was clean now and not drinking or doing any more drugs. And he told everyone to just wait until the autopsy and you’ll see. Well now the autopsy done, and you’ll never guess what we’re seeing.

The Sun says…

AMY Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning after being more than FIVE TIMES the legal driving limit, an inquest has found.
Police discovered two large and a small bottle of vodka after the star’s body was found at her £2.3million home.
Recording a verdict of misadventure, St Pancras Coroner Suzanne Greenway said the singer had 416mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood. The driving limit is 80mg.
“She had consumed sufficient alcohol at 416mg per decilitre (of blood) and the unintended consequence of such potentially fatal levels was her sudden and unexpected death.”

Oh so it turns out she did drink herself to death. Is that what you guessed? I assumed it was gonna be too much exercise or something like that. Life sure can be unpredictable.

Patrice O’Neal had a stroke

By brendon October 26, 2011 @ 10:57 AM

Patrice O’Neal is, without question, one of the smartest and funniest people on earth, and I really hope he stays that way because it was announced on Opie and Anthony this morning that he had a stroke.

It’s not clear right now how bad it was or how he’s doing, but you can Opie or Jim Norton or Sam Roberts on twitter for updates, and if want you can email something nice to, even though that sounds more like a dating site for plus-sized girls.

Salma Hayek knows how to promote a cartoon

By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 7:42 PM


Salma Hayek has spent the last two days in new York promoting her new movie, the ‘Shrek’ spinoff ‘Puss-N-Boots’. Which of course is a cartoon meant for kids. Although you’d never know that by the way I just jacked off on her pictures. That’s a very adult look.

(image source = inf and bauer griffin)

Lindsay Lohans dad was arrested again

By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 4:32 PM


Much like Mel Gibson before him, Michael Lohan was arrested last night in Florida for attacking his girlfriend after she refused to give him a blow job. Women really don’t seem to understand how awesome blowjobs are.

According to the police report, Lohan “grabbed and squeezed” (Kate) Major’s arms and repeatedly pushed her to the ground in Tuesday’s incident, leaving her bruised.
Police said they arrived to a tense scene between Lohan and Major.
“As we approached the door, we could hear a female yelling ‘Stop’ and ‘Leave me alone,’” police said, adding Lohan was “wearing only shorts, and was out of breath/sweating” when he answered the door.
“He immediately got defensive, saying, ‘Everything is OK and nothing happened here,’” police said. “The victim started yelling in the background for us to help her because he was lying. We separated the two at this time.”
Police reported that Major “was crying … afraid … shaking and having a hard time catching her breath” when they initially interviewed her.
“She had some redness on her arms with minor bruising on her arm and knee,” police said, adding her cell phone was destroyed.
Police said “the bathroom door [at their home appeared] to have a dent consistent with the height of the [Major's] head.”

“This is why I replaced all my doors with ones made of solid oak,” said Mel Gibson when he read this. “You can take a sledgehammer to those things before they dent.”

Leonardo DiCaprio dates this girl now

By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 3:56 PM


Proving that life does indeed go on after breaking up with Bar Refaeli (at least if youre a billionaire actor), various sources are now reporting that Leonardo DiCaprio is now dating this girl; Romanian model Madalina Diana Ghenea. God only knows if she even speaks english or not, but luckily for him going back to a hotel room and then pointing at your crotch is pretty much universal.

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are making another movie

By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 1:13 PM


For the fist time since ‘Good Will Hunting’ (no one counts ‘Dogma’ for some reason) Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are starring in a movie together.

Damon will star as Boston mobster Whitely Bulgar, with Affleck co-starring and directing. Though they won’t write the script (which of course is what they won their Oscars for in 1997), they have a more than capable replacement in ‘Boardwalk Empire’ creator and writer Terence Winter.

You may remember that Bulgar was also the inspiration for the Jack Nicholson character in ‘the Departed’ (a mobster allowed to run wild because he was an FBI informant), so this will be like that except probably not as good. Needless to say you probably won’t see that quote on the poster.

(source = deadline)

Jessica Simpson definitely seems pregnanant

By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 12:43 PM


Though she still hasn’t made any kind of announcement, Jessica Simpson once again looked very pregnant yesterday New York. Either that or she’s learned to unhinge her jaw like a python and swallowed a pig. To be honest both theories seem equally likely.

(source = bauer griffin)

Lindsay Lohan is posing naked for Playboy

By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 10:01 AM


In an event that literally everyone predicted starting about 5 years ago, Lindsay Lohan posed naked for Playboy this weekend.

There’s no word on when the pictures will be released, and TMZ says this was just the first of a few planned shoots. For the record, after some negotiating, she was paid somewhere between $750,000 and $1,000,000.

She’s already posed naked before of course, in New York magazine (see those pictures here), but this should be even nakeder. Or at least it better be. It beter not that bullshit some celebrities pull where they giggle and cover everything good with sheets or their hands or by standing behind something like this is a god damn Austin Powers movie.