ohai jessica simpsons ass

By brendon April 03, 2009 @ 9:01 AM

Jessica Simpson hit the pool yesterday in Mexico too, wearing a nothing little suit that barely covered her ass, which look’s eleventy billion times better than I thought it would.  Until her cock-blockin friends pointed out the photographers and wrapped her up.  Jessica is probably dead now by the way.  Because I don’t think you’re supposed to drink under a 200 degreee sun and then trap all the heat under stifling blankets.  All you other busybodies who try to stop your friends from being used as a sexual object need to take note.  Do you want your friend to die, is that what you want, because if you defend her modesty like they did, that’s what’s gonna happen. 

(image source = flynet exclusives)

hahaha, you suck madonna

By brendon April 03, 2009 @ 5:53 AM

Two days ago Madonnas attorney felt the adoption of Mercy James was essentially done.  He said, “I don’t see any law in Malawi that can stop this adoption.”  So it would seem someone needs to go back to Law Seeing School because Madonas punk ass got denied.

The Malawian high courtturned down the singer’s request for an interim adoption of a second child because the singer has not satisfied a requirement that prospective parents be resident in the country for 18 to 24 months.  The residency rule was waived in 2006, when Madonna was allowed to take her adopted son, David, to London.  (Then) however, she was still married to Guy Ritchie.
A legal source told MailOnline: ‘It appears that Madonna has tried to circumvent Malawi’s adoption law.
‘But thankfully the judge has rightly denied her permission to do so.
‘While Madonna’s bid to adopt an African child is worthy, one would ask why she would choose to pursue so vigorously a child who although orphaned, actually has relatives prepared to look after her, but without the financial means to do so.’

Well no shit they turned her down.  Madonna is how villages in Africa picture the Devil.  An old bony white woman, pale as a ghost, who swoops down from heaven in the belly of a metal bird and then steals their children.  This little girl might be snatched off the bank by a crocodile the next time she goes for a drink of water, but at least she won’t have to listen to fuckin “Lucky Star”.

(Madonna is ugly and I don’t like when people are that way, and last time I put up pictures of donkeys and that was much better.  So I might just do that from now on.  For example, this donkey won first prize, and this donkey helps Chinese Santa)

jessica simpson is in mexico

By brendon April 03, 2009 @ 5:31 AM

The bad news is that Jessica Simpson and a few of her sexy friends are in Mexico, home of the 5-pound burrito.  The good news is that all the weight she put on seems to have settled in nicely somewhere other than her ass.

(image source = flynet exclusives)

stuff in vegas is always better

By brendon April 03, 2009 @ 5:24 AM

Most shows on Broadway are either Bernadette Peters or a kid having sex with his horse, sometimes both, whereas shows in Vegas have “Dancing with the Stars” winner Kelly Monaco doing … whatever all this is in the brand new “Peep Show” at Planet Hollywood.  As you can see it’s all very elegant, the kind of thing Arthur Miller would write if he were still with us.

(image source = splash)

oh hey there lindsay

By brendon April 02, 2009 @ 4:50 PM

I can’t even pretend to be excited about seeing Lindsays tits at this point, any more than a gynecologist would be about seeing a woman naked.  Now they almost bug me.  In fact for a while I thought it looked like one was way bigger than the other one, but that can’t be because her dumb ass would end up walking in circles all day long if that were the case, unless she carried a 3-pound weight in the opposite hand or walked with a cane or something.

afternoon headlines

By brendon April 02, 2009 @ 12:52 PM

BRUNO – the red-band NSFW trailer hit today (here or the source), and it’s filled with amazing advice, including how to defend your self against a man with two dildos.  Oh of course, the backwards kick!  Next time is gonna be different.  (source = trailer park)

JENNIFER HUDSON – the Oscar winner doesn’t want people to cry for her when they think back to the tragedies in her life.  Done and done, baby. (source = star)

TAMARA MELLON – Christian Slater’s ex and the founder of Jimmy Choo is still in St. Barts, feeling her own breasts and hanging out with topless girls.  Good news for us, bad news for this poor bastard if by some miracle his wife is reading this right now.  (image source = splash)

megan fox in dt magazine

By brendon April 02, 2009 @ 11:23 AM

I don’t know what DT magazine is but Megan Fox is in it, and of course she took her top off.  She does that all the time because, as she explained in an interview once, when she’s naked she feels alive.  I only feel alive when I'm dancing.  Can our two worlds coexist?

gizmo likes attention – update

By brendon April 02, 2009 @ 10:25 AM

Viet Cong spy Tila Tequila distracted everyone outside One Sunset lounge last night by flashing her bra and panties.  Meanwhile, while everyone was looking at the breasts, North Korea began fueling long range rockets.  Coincidence?  C’mon man, you can’t afford to be this naïve.  I’ve got some literature you should read.

ROCK HARD UPDATE – “updated” in the sense that I added more pictures, not in the sense that she went and got natural looking implants.

(source = pacific coast and cnn)