BRITNEY LOOKS CUTE

By brendon August 12, 2008 @ 6:17 AM

These promotional videos (the other one here) for the VMA Awards make Britney look better than she has in years. She seems normal and sort of charming again. I’m not sure how the director accomplished this, but I’m pretty sure it involved 50 days of editing and magic. 

BROOKE HOGAN REALLY TOLD US

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 11:58 AM

Brooke Hogan is set to shake up the internet with some tough talk and some new fake pictures.  This morning she posted two staged mugshot type pictures of herself (here and here) and posted this on her myspace:

It's so funny that the smallest thing I do can jack up everyones day…LOL sorry I ruined your little gossip world today people………or did I give you something else interesting to cling to for your boring worlds? :) Stay tuned! I might go shave my eyebrows tomorrow! Lets see what other fun things I can think of…um…. don't you have a life to live? I know I do! Peace!
Love Always, Brooke

There is literally nothing on this earth I care about less than Brooke Hogan.  There might be something on some other planet that I care about less than Brooke Hogan, but it would just be that planets version of Brooke Hogan, so technically I'm still correct.

THE RETARDS DON’T LIKE TROPIC THUNDER

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 10:27 AM

If anyone was gonna boycott "Tropic Thunder", I thought for sure it would be the blacks, but the retards struck first.  Checkmate!  Reuters says…

"We are asking people not to go to the movie and hope to bring a consciousness to people about using derogatory words about this population," said Peter Wheeler, spokesman for Special Olympics, one of 22 disability groups nationwide protesting the satire.
The groups plan to picket the movie's premiere on Monday evening in Los Angeles's Westwood community.
He said the groups are particularly offended by the film's repeated use of the word "retard" regarding a character, Simple Jack, played by Stiller in a subplot about an actor.

I don’t know what they’re bitchin about because from what I can tell "Simple Jack" is one of those magical retard movies.  Where the retards simple goodness teaches everyone a little about life and a lot about love.  But it’s not like that in real life.  I threw a baseball to a retard one time thinking his childlike innocence would inspire everyone with awe, but he just sat there and let it hit him in the teeth.  Then he rolled around on the ground screaming in pain, probably just to make me look bad.  That guy was a real jerk!



NO FATTIES

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 8:53 AM

George Clooney seemed almost bemused when a female fan waddled in front of his bike while on a ride through Portofino, Italy today.  He didn’t stop, of course, because she’s unattractive.  I do the same thing.  I'm surprisingly helpful and courteous when girls are super hot however.  Especially on the road, although you do need to be made aware of my "ass, gas or grass" policy.

(picture source = bauer griffin)



HAYDENS DAD IS A DICKHEAD – UPDATE

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 7:49 AM

TMZ has a troubling story this morning claiming that Hayden Panettiere's dad has been arrested for alleged spousal abuse.  They say…

Alan Panettiere was arrested this morning on a felony count of domestic violence. He was popped after allegedly striking Lesley Panettiere in the face at around 3:00 AM today.  He is currently being held on $50,000 bail.

Holy crap.  Well there’s nothing funny about this.  Unless Alan was chasing Lesley around the kitchen and he took his belt off to hit her and then his pants fell down around his ankles.  I bet if that happened both people would stop and then there’d be this funny pause and then they’d both start laughing and forget what they were even fighting about.  When moments like that happen, I bet you’re all like, wow, life sure is funny sometimes.

DISRESPECTING UPDATE – Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Alan and Lesley Panettiere were at a party earlier in the evening. We're told Alan was upset because Lesley was "hanging" with someone at the shindig and he felt she was "disrespecting" him.  Sources say, according to Lesley's statement to Sheriffs, the couple went home, began arguing and he struck her in the cheek. We're told cops took pictures and there are visible marks.



HOLLY IS GOING TO KILL HERSELF

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 7:48 AM

If you watch "Girls Next Door" on E!, you know that Holly Madisons entire life is based upon deluding herself into thinking Hugh Hefner is madly in love with her.  He’s not; I think that’s pretty clear.  And now the National Enquirer says that Hef is actually spending more and more time with the 2007 Ukrainian Playmate of the Year, Dasha Astafieva.  He’s been seen at her photo shoots for the December issue of the American version (something he never does), and the two have even been seen on dates holding hands.  The only way this could get any worse for Holly is if Dasha pushed her over a cliff and then ran her over with a car.

(her Ukrainian Playboy stuff and another set of nudes over here)



KATE BOSWORTH NEEDS TO DO MORE OF THIS

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 5:42 AM

When I say "more of this", I don’t mean lying on top of dudes (in this case her boyfriend James Rousseau), I just mean prancing around in a bikini, as she did this weekend in Malibu.  Although this bitch is still skinny as a rail.  Keep in mind the camera adds 10 pounds and yet she still looks like she spent the last six months behind barbed wire.  When I inevitably have sex with her, I’m gonna have to use a speculum just to get my penis inside her.

(more kate pictures over here



EVERYONE WANTS ANGELINA

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 5:41 AM

The Variety political blog says today that Angelina Jolie is the most wanted person in Hollywood, and not just by directors and producers and my penis, but also by presidential candidates Barrack Obama and John McCain.

It may seem as if most entertainment industry figures are aligning with Barack Obama and just a few with John McCain, but there are still a handful of famous names who are still on the fence. And both campaigns are well aware of one star who stands out among the undecideds: Angelina Jolie.
Both campaigns have reached out to her, apparently to court her support. But in a statement to Variety provided by political adviser Trevor Neilson, Jolie says that she is waiting to make up her mind.
"I have not decided on a candidate," Jolie says, "I am waiting to see the commitments they will make on issues like international justice, refugees and how to address the needs of children in crisis around the world."
Unlike many other celebrity endorsements, Jolie's carries the weight and influence of her extensive humanitarian work around the world, as the goodwill ambassador for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. Her statement was an indication that she would be open to choosing a candidate.

I'm not sure how tricking voters into masturbating helps in any way, but I guess that's why I used those hunky shirtless posters of me washing my horse when I ran for class president.  My golden muscles rippling in the sun just proved to more of a distraction than anything, although I was somehow elected mayor.