LeBron really did get dunked on

By brendon July 22, 2009 @ 5:53 PM

About 30 minutes ago, TMZ finally unveiled the tape of LeBron James getting dunked on by a virtual unknown named Jordan Crawford. They say they “finally found the one SURVIVING copy of the moment LeBron became LeBitch”. There was already a much better copy out and I cut them together for this but whatever.

It took place last week in a casual game at a Nike sponsored camp, but Nike confiscated all footage of the play fearing it would cause damage to James’ rep. If they hadn’t freaked out this would be no big deal. James could just as easily claim he was trying to high-five Crawford as one of them is clearly wearing the wrong jersey and they look like teammates.

There’s no shame in this. If you see a guy named “Jordan Crawford”, that’s a dude who can dunk. Also if he has two capitol letters, an X or an apostrophe in his first name, those dudes can either dunk or run a 4.3 40.

Mickey Rourke might be insane

By brendon July 22, 2009 @ 4:19 PM

Mickey Rourke Leaving Wellington Club In London (USA AND OZ ONLY

Mickey Rourke left The Wellington Club this morning at 4:30am after a night of drinking with Leonardo Di Caprio at the Whisky Mist in London, but on the way to his car some hooligan traffic barriers started some shit with the voices in Mickeys head. Needless to say he taught them some manners, and you can bet it’s a mistake they won’t make again.

(hq jump here. source = flynet online)

Lisa Rinna has weird priorities

By brendon July 22, 2009 @ 4:00 PM

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Lisa Rinna seems to think bras are just a passing trend, whereas Ed Hardy hats are a timeless fashion staple that will last forever. Lisa Rinna is very much mistaken.

(hq jump here. source = pacific coast)

Jessica Simpson looks sad, hot

By brendon July 22, 2009 @ 1:58 PM

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Jessica Simpson spent the afternoon with her personal trainer yesterday in West Hollywood, the first time she’d been seen in public since her break up with Tony Romos goofy ass. This is a good sign. Truth be told, she got a little complacent during their 2-year relationship and sort of went to hell. It’s why one good tip is to build your relationship on an intricate web of lies. It really keeps the girl on her toes.

For example, if I were dating Jess, I would get a Chinese newspaper and cut out an article from the front page. Then I’d put it in a blank envelope and leave it on my car window. Then we’d go out to the car and I’d see it and look around, then open it in front of her. Then I’d text some intricate number pattern to someone. Then I’d get real sullen, but tell her I can’t talk about it. Say it doesn’t matter. That part of my life is over now.

Kendra gives good advice

By brendon July 22, 2009 @ 12:35 PM

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I guess this page is now some TeenBeat Hotline where I give dating advice, because Kendra had another dating question on her site, and God knows why she even knows who I am but this time she sent me her reply to see if we agreed. And it turns out we sure as hell do.  She says the worst possible first date is a movie, because you sit there for two hours and you can’t even talk.  She says that’s boring and she’s 100 percent right.

If you have a date with a super hot girl, I think a good idea would be to go to a really nice restaurant and then after you place your order, pull a ventriloquist dummy out from under the table.  One of those creepy ones in a tuxedo, named Mr. Peepers or something like that.  Then have it tell your date how sexy she is.  Then have it say something really suggestive about her and get into a really loud fight with it.

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Alice In Wonderland has a teaser

By brendon July 22, 2009 @ 11:27 AM

The teaser trailer for the Tim Burton directed “Alice in Wonderland” hit today, and I’m not sure what you were expecting, but it looks exactly like what you would picture if “Alice in Wonderland” was directed by Tim Burton. Scary trees, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, a land of wonder and imagination. They should just call it “Tim Burton Movie #9″.

As if Leo would hit this

By brendon July 22, 2009 @ 10:31 AM

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Yesterday the Sun had some crazy fairy tale claiming Leonardo DiCaprio was secretly dating Cameron Diaz, and had taken her on a “series of secret dates around London”. They said she was also dating Jude Law. Law I can understand, that dude would hump a beehive, but DiCaprio? GTF outa here. There is zero chance he went from Bar Rafaeli to this fug mess. And maybe to make that point clear, he had dinner last night 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 models. 5.

WENN identified one as Amanda Charlwood and another as Emma Miller, then said the group joined “DiCaprio for dinner at the Punch Bowl before heading to Whisky Mist.”

Now granted none of those bitches are especially hot, but they’re still better looking and 20 years younger than Cameron Diaz. They could have been dead for 2 months and they’d still be hotter than Cameron Diaz. I’d rather blow a guy on stage at my high school reunion than hold hands with Cameron Diaz.

(15 more pictures of Cameron at MTV here. the banner isn’t just a bad picture. that bitch is a monster. hq jump here. source = wenn)

Everyone good hates Entourage

By brendon July 21, 2009 @ 5:20 PM

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I could put my keyboard on the ground and then step on it for 22 pages, and when I was done not only would my “script” have a better plot than the best “Entourage” ever, it would, by default, have much funnier jokes as well. Thankfully more and more people are finally waking up to this indisputable fact, and top Hollywood funnyman Seth Rogen would agree. Movieline says..

In one of its typically late-to-the-game, random cultural broadsides, the writers of Entourage went after Seth Rogen in last night’s episode, calling his “ugliness…oddly fascinating” in a debate over whether the actor could land a Katherine Heigl-type in real life. Behold, (Rogens) amazing response when asked about the incident for E!’s Daily 10:
“Yeah, those guys are assholes. I actually ran into Matt…Kevin Dillon in a Starbucks. And he’s like ‘you know, I’ve got to kind of apologize because apparently the guy who created our show doesn’t like you so much.’ And I said ‘well I have reason to believe because I think [showrunner] Doug Ellin is a moron from all I can understand so it makes sense he doesn’t like me.’ Luckily I never have and never plan on watching Entourage.”

I don’t mean to nitpick, but Entourage is about 4 thoroughly unlikable and goofy looking poser fags who get tons of hot ass, so it might not be the best idea in the world to point out how unrealistic that is. But when you have a joke so timely, only two years after the movie came out, that’s a chance you have to take. Rogen better cover his ears in 2011.
Entourage Cliche Character 1: “He was in that movie ‘Funny People’.”
Entourage Cliche Character 2: “Yeah, right, more like NOT Funny People!”
Entourage Cliche Character 1: “I heard that bro! Let’s go shoe shopping!”

(you can have that entourage. that one is for you.)