lindsay is going to jail! or not!

By brendon April 30, 2010 @ 11:35 AM

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Lindsay Lohan is in big trouble now blah blah blah broke the law again blah blah jail for sure!

Lindsay Lohan has violated the terms of her probation and is headed for a showdown in court next month that will almost certainly land her in jail.
Lohan — who is on probation for DUI — has not fulfilled the alcohol education requirement laid down by the judge.
Judge Marsha Revel made it clear to Lindsay late last year, she must attend alcohol ed courses once every 7 days. And the judge was explicit … if Lindsay did not comply with the terms of probation, she was going to jail.
Judge Revel has made it clear to Lindsay — no more chances. If probation is violated, she’s going to jail … and probation was repeatedly violated.

Oh WTF ever. She won’t go to jail. She never goes to jail, because the judges in SoCal are all a bunch of liberal pussies who never lock up anyone. LOOK at the last time this dumb bitch showed up in court, in front of this very same judge. The case was about her drinking and getting high, and she showed up 90 minutes late, looking like this. And the judge didn’t do shit. It would be like a murder trial where the defendant is covered in blood, or a fraud case where the suspect is in court eating sheets of paper as fast as he can.

friday morning headlines

By brendon April 30, 2010 @ 10:43 AM

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DAVID ARQUETTE - was at the Laker – Thunder game, game 5 of the opening round of the NBA playoffs, when he and three others gave their courtside seats to a group of war veterans. His sacrifice was a nice way to honor their sacrifice. Then he went home to his mansion, banged his sexy wife and rolled around on a pile of her money. On second thought, fuck this guy. (people)

TIGER WOODS - reportedly slept with 121 women while married to Elin Nordegren. So at least it wasn’t a lot. Like 130 or something. 121 seems like a manageable number for Elin to deal with. (enquirer)

NIKKI - reads Tyler. She’s been on here a few times of course, but today you can vote for her in the College Humor Americas Hottest College Girl contest. She took these pictures just for Tyler, and I would have posted some of the really hot ones, but those pictures are my girlfriend now, and the pictures and I are in an exclusive relationship. Yeeahh, High Five! (facebook)

see-thru paris hilton is confusing

By brendon April 29, 2010 @ 5:05 PM

Paris Hilton & Her Nipples Out In Santa Monica

Whenever Paris Hilton tries to look sexy, the result is always terrible. Her hair always seems like someone looking the other way did it while they rode around on a horse. But then she’ll walk around like this and look way way better. Hair down, and just a see-thru tshirt with no bra and some… whatever those pants are called. Every time she tries half as hard she always looks twice as good. If she tried a quarter as hard, she’d look four times as good, and if she didn’t try at all, she would transform into a golden beam of omnipotent light.

(source = flynet online)

lindsay lohan is controversial

By brendon April 29, 2010 @ 4:24 PM

The Sun says that Lindsay Lohan has a controversial new photo shoot showing her covered in blood and with a gun to her mouth. If you can believe it, she’s dressed real slutty too, with pounds of dark eyeliner. And they’re right, this will be controversial. Know what would have been even more controversial? A picture of her at a job. Or a video of her lucidly answering a question.

jenna jameson says she was just kidding

By brendon April 29, 2010 @ 3:31 PM

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Two days ago Jenna Jameson claimed that Tito Ortiz, “threw me into the bathtub and tore two ligaments in my shoulder.” But now she says the rumors that Tito Ortiz assaulted her are being distorted. One person even claimed Tito threw Jenna into the bathtub and tore two ligaments in her shoulder.

Typical tabloid media. But whatever because now Jenna is taking it all back.

Jenna, who accused Tito of injuring her during an argument, now tells TMZ, “What actually happened has now been dramatically distorted and misinterpreted and remarks that both Tito and I made after the police arrived reflect the state of shock that we were both in.”  Translation — he didn’t hurt me.

Well gee no shit. Of course that bitch was lying. When Tito Ortiz punches you, you stay punched. You don’t go outside and give a press conference. Especially when you’re a 90 pound girl whose white blood cells are still gasping for air after 15 years in porn. If Tito hit her, she wouldn’t have died, she would have turned see-thru then floated up through the ceiling.

chelsea handler has a sex tape

By brendon April 29, 2010 @ 1:49 PM

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SPOILER ALERT: I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but the above picture has been edited. The picture of Chelsea Handler. From a videotape that she made 10 years ago. In her bedroom. Here is the NSFW version. There’s a reason she has that look on her face, and it’s not because someone gave her an I Love You bear.

Although the I Love You bear can also have that effect on women.

The tape, which was made nearly a decade ago after Chelsea moved to Los Angeles starts out with Chelsea turning on the camera in what appears to be her apartment. During the first part of the tape, Chelsea is fully clothed in her work uniform. She begins by introducing herself by name before going into a stand-up routine before suddenly cutting to Chelsea and her male partner engaging in an explicit sex act.

Just for the record, I would totally have sex with Chelsea Handler. She’s pretty, but just barely not pretty enough to be confident about it. Those girls are always the best in bed. You just have to make it seem like you’re doing them a favor, and then you can pretty much do whatever you want. Another good trick is to point a gun at them.

jenna bentley is practically naked

By brendon April 29, 2010 @ 11:33 AM

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Playboy model Jenna Bentley is in Hawaii today, and yesterday her skimpy little bikini was vastly over-matched by her awesomely huge breasts. And so of course one of her tits slipped out. How could it not? To contain tits like that you’d need a bikini made of those big canvas straps with the ratchets like they use to pick up cars.

miley cyrus wants you to see her naked

By brendon April 29, 2010 @ 11:15 AM

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It seems hard to believe that anyone asked, because by the time it happens no one will care, but Miley Cyrus says she would do a nude scene in a movie if it was handled the right way. The BBC says…

The multi-talented star’s transition from a teen idol looks inevitable and she even told Newsbeat she wouldn’t rule out doing nude scenes if the role was right. “It depends what the film is,” she said.
“If it’s something that’s classy – it just depends on the circumstances.”

Yeah it would have to be classy. Like those movies Keira does with the horses and the big hats and puffy dresses about forbidden love between social classes. Miley should do one of those. “Lord Thomas, you are ma deepest luve, but are time tug gether is so brief. Ima show you ma titties na.”