Matthew Vaughn is the father of January Jones baby

By brendon May 26, 2011 @ 6:00 PM

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Allegedly. I probably should have included the word “allegedly” in the headline but it’s not as dramatic that way.

To recap: January Jones is pregnant but won’t say who the father is, and the reason she’s being such a good girl is because the guy is married and they had an affair while filming ‘X-Men: First Class’.

Well, word on the street is that the father is director Matthew Vaughn, who has been married to Claudia Schiffer since 2002, and seemingly happily so since they have 3 kids together, including one just last year.

In the headline and below are pictures of Claudia this morning in London. After that are January last night at the fancy ‘X-Men’ red carpet premiere in New York. I would have included a picture of January and Matthew together, but he didn’t go. He didn’t go to the premiere of his own movie. That’s mildly suspicious. But if he’s in London with his wife, this will look way better in the police report when January has a little “accident”.

UPDATE – E! is now “exclusively” saying the same thing. 3 hours after I did.

(image source = getty and fame)

Lindsay Lohan began her “prison sentence” today

By brendon May 26, 2011 @ 3:58 PM

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Even before Lindsay Lohan was officially sentenced in her felony theft trial, she went and registered to begin her community service. It was a sure sign that she had changed and things would be different this time, as long as you ignore the fact that this is what she does every single time before a sentencing to trick the judge.

And once again a judge bought her bullshit and went easy on her. Then, instead of going back to actually start her community service, she went to Miami and hung out on the beach. And today she reported to begin her 120 day jail sentence.

After that, naturally, she went home. Because the end result of all of this, all the cocaine and DUI’s and kidnapping and carjacking and violating probation and lying to judges and police, is 14 days of house arrest. Then she’ll be released due to prison overcrowding, even though, to repeat, she’s not actually in prison.

Us magazine says…

Lindsay Lohan began serving her house arrest Thursday morning after turning herself in to authorities.
The 24-year-old actress arrived at Lynwood Jail at 5:02 a.m. to check in, where she was fitted with an electronic ankle bracelet. She was then sent home to her townhouse in Venice, Calif.

This is so wildly offensive, I honestly don’t even want to think about it. The only way her house arrest will be satisfying is if it ends the same way Anne Franks did.

UPDATE: aww god dammit. ok so i screwed up some dates in the original post. its fixed now. people do realize its just me here, right? so when i screw things up there’s no one to tell me that until i publish and look like an asshole.

E! probably paid for Kim Kardashians wedding ring

By brendon May 26, 2011 @ 12:49 PM

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Remember when Khloe Kardashian got married, and there was leaked audio from her wedding with the producers of ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ telling her what to say and do the whole time?

Oh. You don’t remember that? Oh well pardon me your majesty.

Point being, now Kim Kardashian is engaged, and she stands to make millions from it, and with that kind of money at stake you can’t wait until your wedding to start choreographing everything so it looks better on TV. Like her 2 million dollar, 20.5 carat engagement ring for example. Was that a touching gesture of love or the one that tested best with focus groups? Oh you’ll never guess.

…one question is looming: how the heck did Kris Humphries afford a $2M ring?
Sure, Humphries makes a lot of money as an NBA player. His salary is $3.2M. In his six year career, he has brought in a total of $17M.
If you’re thinking that he could have been saving for years, think again – the couple has been dating for a mere 6 months.
In all likelihood, the E! network may have contributed toward the ring’s fee or at least secured a discount with the jeweler, Lorraine Schwartz.

So this romantic proposal was preceded by meetings at E! headquarters, and then a plan was hatched and numbers were crunched and scripts were written. How touching! It’s like a fairy tale from olden days!

Hong Kong 3D porn is cuming to America.

By brendon May 26, 2011 @ 12:00 PM

(see what I did there?)

‘Sex and Zen 3D: Extreme Ecstasy’ has finally secured a distribution deal in the US, after breaking box office records around the world. And not just records against movies where a good review includes the phrase “cum soaked”. Against real movies like ‘Avatar’, and beating movies like ‘Scream 4′ and ‘Fast Five’.

The Hollywood Reporter says…

China Lion bought “the world’s first 3D erotic film” –  whose cast includes Japanese porn stars — after seeing its Hong Kong opening day gross of $351,000 beat the record set by ‘Avatar’ and watching the film sell out its entire first week in Hong Kong.
Both Australia and New Zealand censors let ‘Sex and Zen 3D’ screen uncut with an R18 rating.
(In Australia), ‘Sex’ took in $600,000 on nine screens for a per-screen average of $67,000, more than six times the per screen average of ‘Scream 4′.
In six weeks, ‘Sex’ has made $1.1 million, $122,000 per screen, beating the ‘Fast 5′ per screen average of $114,000.
In New Zealand, ‘Sex’ had an opening week per screen average of $24,000, matching the per screen take of ‘Pirates of Caribbean: On Stranger Tides’.

I love Asian girls and I love porn, so I was very pleasantly surprised by the trailer. As long as a musket has the only balls flying toward the screen, this should be fine.

oh thank God! Ronnie and the Situation made up!

By brendon May 26, 2011 @ 10:53 AM

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After reports that Ronnie and the Situation got into a fight Monday night while filming season 3 of ‘Jersey Shore’ in Florence, it was a welcome relief to see the two of them out for a walk yesterday, and that the Situation was just as handsome as ever. Although he looked a little meek. Like a battered wife. Two seconds after this he no doubt said, “I’m sorry I made you yell at me, Ronnie.”

(image source = inf)

Jennifer Aniston is still clingy, desperate

By brendon May 25, 2011 @ 6:17 PM

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Just because Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper got creeped out by Jennifer Anistons needy desperation doesn’t mean all guys will. Maybe some guys find obsessive clinginess attractive. If she finds a guy like that, she’ll be all set, because god knows she doesn’t think there’s any other way to date.

Jen Aniston is trying to keep it on the DL, but she’s secretly dating Justin Theroux.
“Jen is totally into him,” a source tells Us Weekly. “They have been hanging out for months.”
The two started off as pals and costars on the set of Wanderlust. But lately Theroux, 39, and Aniston, 42, are inseparable.
“She wants to be with him all the time,” the source adds. “She’s diving in headfirst.”

Oh, gosh. Jennifer is “diving in headfirst.” Now there’s a surprise. The fact that this guy is still around must mean she’s gained at least some self control and he didn’t come back from the bathroom on their first date to find her in a wedding dress.

Ronnie did or did not beat up the Situation

By brendon May 25, 2011 @ 4:41 PM

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Yesterday afternoon there was a story saying Ronnie and the Situation, currently filming season 3 of ‘Jersey Shore’ in Florence, Italy, got into a fight Monday night, and it all added up because there were pictures showing cuts on Ronnies hand and bruises on Situations face, and that’s what happens when the first thing is repeatedly slammed into the second thing.

We probably won’t know the truth until the season starts, but for now MTV isn’t saying anything about a fight, and referring to the incident as an “accident”.

“Monday evening, Mike (the Situation) received medical attention after an accidental injury in the house. He was treated and is now at home with the rest of the cast.”

The difference between a house and a home is that a home is filled with love, so yes MTV, he’s at “home”. Clearly these two have found a way to get along. In this case, Ronnie enjoys punching people in the face, and the Situation has a face. That’s called finding common ground.

(image source = wenn)

Did Kirstie Alley win Dancing With The Stars?

By brendon May 25, 2011 @ 3:24 PM

I didn’t want to ruin the surprise in the headline but last night was the finale for the twelfth season of ‘Dancing With The Stars’, and in the end, it came down to Kirstie Alley, a morbidly obese lump in her 60’s, and Hines Ward, the wide receiver from the Pittsburgh Steelers, one of the best pure athletes to ever play college football, a Super Bowl MVP and two-time Super Bowl champion.

Both had obstacles to overcome. Hines has been dealing with torn ligaments in his left thumb. Kirstie can’t leave the house for extended periods because standard toilets are too small and too flimsy.

But there could be only one winner.

- – SPOILER ALERT – -

Surprisingly enough, Hines Ward, the person who earns millions of dollars for his supreme, world class athletic ability, was a better dancer than this. An old lady who can’t dance by any reasonable definition. All she does is walk around the room at a normal pace, but while lifting her feet slightly higher than usual. It’s like watching someone walk on hot sand set to music.