Britney Spears denies that her boyfriend hit her

By brendon December 01, 2010 @ 5:35 PM

Semi-Exclusive: Britney and Jason Visit Church at Maui Hotel

A spokesman for Britney Spears and Jason Trawick has made a statement about todays report in Star magazine claiming that Trawick hits Britney. I think he’s denying it.

“Every aspect of the story published by Star Magazine is completely and utterly false.
Star Magazine was informed of the falsity of the story before it was published.  All the statements attributable to Jason Alexander are completely fabricated.
The audio recording posted on RadarOnline is a fraud and it is NOT Britney.
The audio they are allegedly relying on between Britney and Jason Alexander is obviously fake and ridiculous — it is NOT HER.
Jason Trawick has never abused her.
They have defamed Britney Spears and we will be taking appropriate legal action.”

Jason Alexander sort of seems like an idiot, and this is what happens when plans get thought up by idiots. They don’t work very well. I’m sure he doesn’t understand that there are a million ways to prove he’s lying. I doubt he even understands how the horse at the state fair knew what 1+1 was, and also 5-3, and even 2×0. He probably assume it was some kind of super horse or a horsey demon.

Jake Gyllenhall and Taylor Swift are official… ly boring

By brendon December 01, 2010 @ 2:35 PM


Jake Gyllenhaal (who turns 30 in 3 weeks) and Taylor Swift (who turns 21 in 2 weeks) are officially dating, according to Us magazine. Oh, the excitement.

Us has the first photos of Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal’s romantic Thanksgiving Day weekend.
Arm in arm, the two looked more smitten than ever as they took an afternoon stroll in Brooklyn’s Park Slope neighborhood
Dating for just five weeks, the romance is heating up.
“She loves his family and he loves hers,” says a Swift source.
Adds another pal, “It’s definitely serious.”

Hold on to your hats, because they also describe Taylor as “love-struck”. Well knock me down with a feather, why don’t you. I used to date a girl so clingy she liked to hold my dick when I took a piss. Taylor seems like that. Nuts.

Luckily for her Gyllenhaal is practically retarded and a mental blank slate so he probably won’t even notice. Here’s a timeline of what would happen if you hit that dummy in the head with a rock:

0:10 – Blank stare
0:20 – Blank stare
0:30 – “Heeyy, what the…”

what in the hell

By brendon December 01, 2010 @ 12:51 PM


Jason Trawick has been a well known talent agent for a long time because of high profile clients like Britney Spears, whom he also started dating two years ago, and he’s generally given a degree of credit for her comeback because he’s been seen as a steadying influence on her once chaotic life.

But today Star magazine goes on sale with a cover story claiming Trawick is secretly some violent lunatic who gave Britney a few Irish kisses (black eyes), according to that guy she married for 55 hours in 2004.

Britney’s former husband Jason Alexander tells Star that the pop princess confided to him that Trawick beat her — on multiple occasions.
“Britney is in an abusive relationship. She told me her life had turned into a nightmare.”
She recently confided that Trawick “hit her so hard it gave her a black eye.”
Alexander says he’s telling this story because he’s “really concerned” for Britney who he feels is “telling me these secrets as a way of getting out of this.”

Um, get out of what? Having a boyfriend? Believe me when I tell you, girls can get out of having a boyfriend. Women are black hearted monsters, they don’t care. It’s like they’re god damned aliens who gain some sort of power from our tears.

INCONCLUSIVE UPDATERadar has audio of “Britney” telling Jason that Trawick hits her, and as shocking as that is, just imagine if the girl sounded anything like Britney. Then it would be amazing!

Henifaa Yopez is a pervert who flashes her kitty in public

By brendon December 01, 2010 @ 11:53 AM

boys and girls club 4 301110

Jennifer Lopez was married to a waiter named Ojai Noa from 1997-1998, but he’s still not out of her life because, since at least 2006, he’s been trying to release a book and video about her, one that would seemingly violate a confidentially agreement he signed in 2002.

The reason he keeps trying to release these things is because the video shows Lopez flashing her vagina in public, and he’s under the impression that’s something people want to see (EDITORS NOTE: it’s not. I mean, I would watch it but I’m a fuckin weirdo so my endorsement certainly isn’t gonna help his case any). Radar says…

Jennifer Lopez is caught on hours of new video “exposing her genital area in public” and displaying other “deviant behavior”, according to documents just filed in the singer’s high-stakes legal fight to keep the tapes secret.

Noa’s attorney described what’s on the tapes…

“JLo is riding a scooter in public in Cuba, while talking to the camera and numerous by-standers, with her privates in as plain view as Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears and Lindsay Lohan have in the past.”
“This is among other nudity on her part in the now 21 hours of home movies, that we have so far recovered.”

In hindsight, the 1997 Jennifer Lopez was kind of hot wasn’t she? That’s when she was just a dancer, and dancers are perverts so maybe this video would be good. If it were shot now it would be horrifying. We both know she’s too arrogant to shave down there, so it would be a middle aged Puerto Rican woman after having twins. It would look like a black sheepdog panting in the summer.

Gisele Bundchen is not shy

By brendon November 30, 2010 @ 6:44 PM


Gisele Bundchen is on St. Barts today shooting for Victorias Secret, and at one point, for some reason, she climbed into a van and took her clothes off. It was like an A list, extra fancy version of a BangBus porn.

(source = fame images)

Kim Kardashian was teased because of her boobs

By brendon November 30, 2010 @ 4:13 PM


The assumption is that people who are uncommonly attractive and sexy have it easier in life, and of course that assumption is correct. It’s wonderful. They don’t even make me pay taxes. But Kim Kardashian says it wasn’t always so easy on her, and she used to actually hate that her boobs were so big (like in the picture, full size here, when she was, ahem… 14). She tells Popeater

Kourtney used to torture me and think I was odd because I had big boobs. I was 11 when I got my period and I started developing. I would sit in the bathtub, take a washcloth, put it under really hot water and put it against my boobs and pray to God, please don’t make my boobs grow any bigger. And Kourtney would be like, “Your boobs are so big and ugly!” She was so mean and then I would have to wear a bra and she would say, “Who wears a bra? That’s so disgusting.” It was so embarrassing.

Kim Kardashian tells the least relatable stories in the world. That story was supposed to be sad, but it was about a sexy young girl, alone in her bath, naked and writhing around in the steamy water, exploring her body and getting to know the pleasures of life. It’s hard to feel sympathy for someone when I’m jacking off.

Matt Lauer wants to know if the size of the package is important

By brendon November 30, 2010 @ 2:23 PM

Matt Lauer may be a respected journalist and well liked host of the Today Show, but he’s a guy first, so this morning when he was talking to an attractive lady about grocery shopping, and he asked, “So the size of the package is very important?”, and then she adamantly agrees that yes, the size of the package IS important, VERY important, he started to giggle.

Because it’s funny. Hehehe. “Package”.

And it didn’t help when she started talking about boxes. She might as well have licked her lips and asked if he thought his big package would fit inside a tight box. That chick is a real slut. Jeez lady, keep your pants on.

Madonna looks “puffy and bloated”

By brendon November 30, 2010 @ 1:34 PM


Madonna was in Mexico City yesterday for the opening of a Hard Candy gym, and though she usually looks ripped to hell, this time the Sun says she looked “puffy and bloated”.

Mostly they’re referring to her face, and they’re right. She’s got those little beady eyes, and her face is all fat and pale and round. I think she might be related to Mr. Pringle. And then there’s the way her gooey legs ooze out over the sides of those boots meant for a 19-year-old, and the elaborate system of straps under her clothes pulled so tight they’re turning her fingers purple.

Oohh man, I’m at a Starbucks right now, I never should have opened these. I hope I don’t get a hard on!

(source = splash news online)