that memo is kickin ass

By brendon March 31, 2009 @ 1:52 PM

JenniferAniston Producers for "The Baster" sent threatening letters to the crew saying they’d be fired if they acknowledged, talked to or glanced at the tabloids or paparazzi. Well, shocking news everyone; today is the second day of filming, and the four main photo agencies have 325 on-set pictures, and sources tell OK magazine that Aniston sucks.

"In the morning, the cast and crew had to wait to start filming without Jen because she asked for extra time to finishing blow-drying her hair," reveals one source.
(She) wasn't any friendlier when the cameras stopped rolling. “Jen kept mostly to herself," one on-set source reveals. "She didn’t talk to anyone during the breaks.”
"Jen refused to walk even a step outside the restaurant during the break for lunch," says an insider. "She had her car pull up right next to the restaurant so she could be driven less than a block to her trailer."

Aniston fired her personal hairdresser over the weekend.  So now everyone has to stand outside in the 36-degree weather while she says "hair dryer: on" and "hair dryer: engage" until someone eventually plugs it in.  That bitch is dumb as a rock, she couldn't operate a flat iron any more than she could jump to the moon.

madonna is a kidnapper and bully

By brendon March 31, 2009 @ 10:07 AM

Madonna is back in Africa today to trick the government of Malawi into letting her adopt a little girl, and so far it’s going great, with Madonnas effortless charm enchanting everyone she comes in contact with.

Yesterday the singer was branded a ‘child kidnapper’ by the executive director of Malawi’s Human Rights Consultative Committee.
‘We feel Madonna is behaving like a bully,’ added the national co-ordinator, after the court hearing. ‘She has money, she has status, she is using her profile to manipulate the procedures.’

But then Madonna showed up at the hearing wearing this simple black dress and conservative hat, and that dude said, “oh my bad.  I see now that you’re very conservative. This totally negates the last 25 years of whoring.  At first I was skeptical, but then you put on white stockings, thus transforming you in a pious woman of simple pleasures forever.”  And then he banged a gavel and yelled, “case dismissed!”

(there’s no good reason to ever put up Madonna pictures, but especially not if someone has a set labeled, “donkeys enjoying the sunshine”.  source = fame and splash)

halle berry is ready for another baby

By brendon March 31, 2009 @ 10:07 AM

It’s only been one year since Halle Berry gave birth with boyfriend Gabriel Aubrey to thier daughter Nahla Ariela, but Halle says she already knows she wants another.  People.com says…

Berry confirms to Ellen DeGeneres on her show that she wants another child.  "My mind says yes," she tells DeGeneres, "but the rest isn't up to me so we'll see."
Should it be up to Aubry, however, something could be in the works: He told PEOPLE in February that Nahla "needs a sibling." And, unlike Berry, he doesn't limit the numbers. Said the man who comes from a brood of eight, "I believe in big families."

Wow, well, I didn’t want to be the one to bring it up, I didn't want to put any pressure on her, but I've given it a lot of thought lately, and I'm also ready.  To stare at her enormous breasts again for 4 or 5 months.  I know it's impetuous, but I say we go for it!

britney is good at shorts

By brendon March 31, 2009 @ 7:15 AM

Britney used to have a huge, fantastically awesome rack (here), and even when she was going insane last January it was still pretty good (bam).  Now it’s gone completely, somehow, but at least she’s still pretty good at wearing shorts.  Mostly.  Even here there are a few little things that keep her from being great, so you have to sit and stare and think – which I hate – and come to a conclusion.  She’s like a shoe at the outlet mall.  This was all much more flattering in my head before I started to type.  The headline was so optimistic.

lindsay is totally gonna do porn

By brendon March 31, 2009 @ 7:07 AM

Everyone knows that Lindsay Lohan has thrown away all of her money and now she can’t get a job, so it was noteworthy to say the least when she started driving a $130,000 Maserati last week.  Who the hell was paying for that?  Well, it was…

Dennis DeSantis — a porn king who's produced such legendary classics as "Origami So Horny" and "Butt Sluts."
No word on why Dennis lent LiLo the car — but we're told there's no XXX catch.

Wow he said there’s no catch?  Hm.  Well then this sure was nice of him.  I thought that the man who makes money from the sale of pornography might have a motive other than kindness for showing the young skinny bisexual nymphomaniac with big tits and a drug problem who desperately needs money how good life can be in porn, but I was obviously mistaken.  I apologize.  This just goes to show that you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.

uhh … hm

By brendon March 31, 2009 @ 5:52 AM

Look, I want to believe that whoever this is, she’s a very nice woman.  I bet we’d be best friends.  But I swear to God I’ll kill her if she’s the one who did this to Megan Fox.  Because when my beloved Megan – normally perfect as a new days promise or the laughter of a child – left that slaughterhouse pretending to be a salon yesterday, she actually looked … bad.  I had to reject a few Megan Fox pictures (1, 2), and in one I edited out her face (here).  HOW DARE YOU MADAM!  How dare she do this to me!  This is nothing less than an attack.  I bet this is what people feel like when one of their kids die, except what I’m going through is way worse obviously because they can just make more of their stupid kids.

(image source = pacific coast)

christina looks bouncy

By brendon March 30, 2009 @ 4:03 PM

Christina Aguilera’s breasts made an appearance in LA this weekend, followed a few seconds later by Christina herself.  Are these the greatest pictures ever taken?  Um, well, no actually, but they’re still pretty great.

(image source = pacific coast)

these two guys are safe. for now.

By brendon March 30, 2009 @ 11:32 AM

A friend sent over the wildly insulting letter being given to the crew of “the Baster”, the Jennifer Aniston comedy that starts filming today in NYC.   The letter reminds everyone that the media will go to any lengths to get pictures of Jennifer Aniston standing outside in a coat.  Pictures like that would be the biggest scoop of the year.  I hope no one get’s killed.  The letter ends with this (confusing words like “talking”, thankfully explained):

Since we will be dealing with the paparazzi on this film, we would like to present some guidelines of what we can and can not do:
1. No Touching the paparazzi.  This includes pushing, pulling, or punching.
2. No Talking to the paparazzi.  This includes any words that come out of your mouth and are directed toward a member of the paparazzi.  
3. No Acknowledging the paparazzi.  This includes making gestures and exchanging glances.  

Then it says anyone who breaks the rules will be fired immediately.  Tough, but they know what they're doing. You don’t get to make Hollywood movies unless you know how people think.  For example, they felt the turkey-baster insemination joke was so strong they built an entire movie around it.  The joke is 30 years old now, meaning 30 times as funny.  If she dresses up as a man to spy on her boyfriend, or works on a candy assembly line that moves very fast, I may have to see it three or four times just to hear these timely jokes over all the laughter.

(image source of her on the set today = pacific coast)