Speaking of fatties, Lindsay Lohan took a break from doing nothing to go shopping yesterday in New York, and maybe these are just bad pictures but that bitch looks fat. Although it’s hard to be sure because she spent most of time hugging this girl and standing behind her and then leaving with her and then probably having sex with her. I just get the feeling that every person who has ever met Lindsay got to fuck her.
Burger King and Fox have apologized to Jessica Simpson for a cartoon that aired on the Fox NFL pre-game show last Sunday. Apparently the cartoon, which you can see here, made jokes about her weight, but if you can identify any “jokes” please be sure to point them out.
A rep for Fox tells Usmagazine.com in a statement: “Burger King Corp. did not have any editorial input in the creation of the animation that ran last Sunday, and no one from Burger King Corp. approved it before it aired. Upon reflection, our poor attempt at humor was insensitive and we deeply apologize to anyone who might have been offended.”
Hey did you ever see ‘Charlie Wilsons War’? Well the girl who played the dancer (video here) is the daughter of the Cowboys coach. Holy Shit, this website is fascinating!
Is there really a clothing line named Mango? That was rhetorical by the way because apparently there is. And it would seem Scarlett Johansson works for them now.
Ryan Reynolds semen must contain some sort of tranquilizer because this bitch has pretty much disappeared since they got together. Not an insult, by the way. You used to hear all kinds of wild stories about her (sex in an elevator with Benencio Del Toro, for example) now she’s only in the news when it’s related to work. So next time Lindsay or whoever blames the paparazzi and say bloggers make a normal life impossible, remember Scarlett. Turns out that someone simply going to their job every day is not that interesting. Except for my job, which involves me being dropped being enemy lines with nothing but a knife and a map while a General tells the media I’m only an urban legend.
It’s surprising that Richie Rich isn’t the most popular fashion designer in the world. He has such amazing clothes. Like this outfit Pam Anderson wore yesterday in Miami to promote their fashion line ‘Amuse’. He took a bathing suit out of her closet, then marked her vagina with crime scene tape and had her hold up a scary clown mask. Hopefully girls will print some of these out so they can go to the bikini store and tell the sales clerk, “I’d like to look like the terrifying woman in this picture please.”
Tina Fey was on David Letterman last night, and after talking about her fabulous fashion magazine covers, she confirmed an article that claimed she was a virgin until the age of 24.
As Dave read a list of people who stayed virgins from a tabloid, like Brooke Shields (22) and Adriana Lima (27), Fey’s name came up as having been 24. “[I] Couldn’t give it away,” Fey sighed. “That’s just good, Christian values, or, being homely.”
Jesus Christ would it kill this chick to say something funny for once. If she and Jack Black had a kid, it would be so devoid of joy and happiness the nurse would stumble backwards at the delivery, knocking over a tray of supplies, making the sign of the cross and saying “SANTA MARIA!” or whatever it is Spanish women say when they think they’ve seen the devil.
Point is, I very much do believe her when she says she was a virgin at 24. Someone sent me these pictures (here and here) years ago, I can’t even remember why but if you’re reading this thank you. It’s Tina as a bridesmaid. I’m not good with numbers so I don’t remember how old she was. 40? Maybe 10. Between 40 and 10.
Ivanka Trump held a book signing today and something something something, Holy Crap look at that rack! I’m not sure I’ve never even considered her before, but now that I think about her huge tits and looming inheritance, I realize she’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and possibly the most perfect being to ever live. Oh I’ve been a fool! Forgive me Ivanka!
Well not really dumped. Not yet. But it sounds like she will be, because Jamie Kennedy is apparently nailing his ex girlfriend on the side. Fox News says…
“Jamie is still hung up on Shannon and has been telling her that,” says the source. “He also told her he had zero desire to go to the Tao event with [Love Hewiit], but Jen insisted they go together to put rumors to rest. Jamie decided he at least owed her that, so he appeased her and accompanied her to the event even though he’s pretty much checked out of the relationship.”
It sounds like Love Hewitt is not totally in the dark, however, according to Jamie’s pal.
“Jen knows things have really changed with them, but the public appearance is all part of her damage control plan. Unfortunately for her, it doesn’t seem Jamie is going to stay with Jen ultimately.”
This is a big story so I tracked Jennifer to a hotel in New York. I was tired of the lies. I wanted the truth. She said it was none of my business, and I said, “well okay then. I’ll just sit here and eat these donuts then.”
And then I took out a box of donuts. We both knew the stakes had been raised.
“What are you playing at,” she asked with a rage in her eyes.
I said, “Ooh nothin. Just having some … oops!”
And then I dropped the donut over the railing and down to the street below. It landed in an alley with a sickening thud.
She flinched a little and reached out to save the donut, but it was too late. The donut was gone. Then I took out another donut, a jelly with sprinkles, and threw that over the railing too.
“I’m a real butterfingers huh”, I said.
I put the box on the table between us. Two of the donuts were gone, it was too late for them. But ten more had yet to have their fate decided. I took another donut, a cinnamon dandy this time. I held it over the railing, then sent it back to hell.
“Why are you doing this?” she pleaded.
“Tell me what I want to know Jennifer”, I said as my hand went back to the box and hung over a chocolate bowtie.
I picked it up.
“Damn your black heart,” she said, then turned away and buried her face in her hands.
“What happens to this chocolate bowtie is up to you Jennifer. It can join the others in the trash, or…”
“No,” she interrupted. “Stop. I want to eat the donuts. I’ll tell you what you want to know.”
And, uh, well I forget what happened after that.
Leona Lewis was signing copies of her new book’ Dreams’ in London today, and hopefully one of her dreams was to have a random stranger punch her in the face, because thats what happened. The Sun says…
The thug – said to be in his late 20s or early 30s – queued up for a signed copy of the singer’s new book, Dreams, and then attacked her in front of 200 stunned onlookers.
Pretty Leona reeled back in shock clutching her face as her five burly bouncers dived on the attacker while cops rushed to the scene.
A pal of the star said: “The man queued up patiently, then as soon as she signed his book he smashed her in the face.
“He didn’t say anything to her and she is at a loss as to why anyone would do such an evil thing.”
A suspect has now been arrested, so hopefully we can at least get some kind of explanation for why he did this. When she signs her name, her L’s look like J’s. Maybe he’s like an English teacher or something. I bet poor penmanship get’s to be really frustrating.