Just last week Lindsay had to stand outside Sam Ronsons house knocking on the door and begging to be let in as the paparazzi took pictures and laughed, because Sam had once again locked Lindsay out after a fight.
This morning at around 6:30am, Sam and Lindsay had (brace yourself) a fight, and Sam threw Lindsay’s clothes into the street. Unburdened by dignity or self-respect, Lindsay then scurried around in the gutter like a raccoon while the paparazzi took pictures and laughed. Then of course she went back inside.
Wow this is actually sad. Lindsay is so lost. If I were Sam I would start pimping her out for sex because Lindsay is broken, she’ll do whatever she’s told. Sam could get 15 grand a night for Lindsay, maybe more. Damn. That’s a lot of money. Free money. I got over the part about this being sad, if you hadn’t noticed. I don’t like to live in the past.
Everyone agrees that kids are a pox upon this world who ruin everything, but sometimes big Hollywood stars are immune because they have unlimited money to spend on plastic surgeons and an army of nannies. Before long the memory of the “incident” has quickly faded, and those kids running around the house call the nanny mom and their mom Nicole or Ms. Kidman.
Unfortunately Naomi Watts, seen here on vacation in Italy today with her two kids and fiancee Liev Schreiber, didn’t seem to know all that, and the hot little slut who lesbianed her way into our hearts in “Mulholland Drive” (NSFW screencaps) is just some kids mom now. The only way these could be any more boring is if I replaced random pictures with headlines about housing starts spurring third quarter growth.
(UPDATE NOTE – um, feel free to email me when I do things like post the wrong video. you’re supposed to stop me before I make an ass out of myself, ya know)
Joe Jackson was on Larry King last night, along with Eddie Murphy in character as “Joes Friend”, and these clips are awesome but not as good as the live show with captions because then you could watch that poor son of a bitch try to translate Joes mumbled gibberish into some language from earth.
In just the first two minutes he says “the fire truck was followin the amalance” and “I’m tortofa tough person myself”, and you know the caption typing guy just shit his pants, knowing full well he had 58 more minutes of this to come. I would have tapped out right there. The screen would have said, “Amalance? AMALANCE? C’mon WTF?”
Sometimes you’ll see a picture with no context and it looks strange or funny but it’s easy to guess what is really going on. This is very definitely not one of those times. Fergie and her husband Josh Duhamel went to a Dodgers game yesterday, and I can’t even begin to guess what Fergie might be grabbing in her pants if it’s not a penis. It has to be a penis. There’s nothing else humans have down there. If we were alone and she did this and then reached in there, I would be praying, “Please God let that be a penis.”
Chris Brown has turned to YouTube to make his first at length public statement about the night he punched Rihanna in the face a hundred times. He says he’s incredibly sorry and asks Rihanna and the public for their forgiveness, and it’s all pretty convincing, but what did you think he was gonna say? “That bitch had it comin. I warned her not to fuck with me.”
If you’re gonna drive drunk and you don’t want to be arrested, the most important thing to do of course is not run into the cops. That’s not a figure of speech by they way. I mean literally don’t crash into the cops.
Hey guess what that “Burn Notice” guy did…
Burn Notice star Jeffrey Donovan was arrested for a DUI on July 11 after he crashed into a Miami Beach Police Cruiser on July 11 around 11:50 pm. He refused a breath test.
“I really think I’m only borderline and not too drunk – the only mistake I made tonight was to drink Benadryl with three glasses of wine,” Donovan said on the way to the police station.
(Donovan told the arresting officer), “Sorry I didn’t see the red light or your car.”
I’m not technically a lawyer, but I don’t think the best way to explain away why you appeared drunk is by telling the cop how you got drunk. It would be like if your girlfriend thought you were cheating, and you told her, “The mistake I made was putting my penis inside that girls vagina, and then thrusting my hips back and forth. But ‘cheating?’ No. No absolutely not. You sound ridiculous right now.”
Lisa Rinna hit up the beach in Malibu this weekend, and when she was in the water, she pretty much looked fantastic. Then she stepped out of the water and everything went to total hell. She’s like an old glove. They both have to stay oiled up or wet all the time or they disintegrate. She and her husband must have sex in the bathtub because otherwise it would be like bangin a sock filled with old oatmeal.