Mila Kunis is disgusted by Charlie Sheen

By brendon April 08, 2011 @ 3:56 PM

Mila Kunis

Mila Kunis is a 27 year old, well-liked and respected actress, the daughter of a physics teacher and a mechanical engineer, who dated the same guy for the past 9 years (though they broke up in January).

Charlie Sheen is a 45-year-old degenerate drug addict with a history of violence against women and who will fuck literally anything.

Now try and guess what her reaction was when he announced that he wants to stalk her on facebook before he and his diseased girlfriends gang bang her.

“Obviously Charlie wanted to name someone who would create publicity for his tour, but the thought of it grosses Mila out,” a pal of the starlet tells us.

Well, it won’t be long before she regrets turning down this enticing offer. The next time she wants a haggard middle aged man to pull his scabby penis out of a strangers ass and then put it in her mouth, she’ll have no one to blame but herself.

(image source = bauer griffin and inf daily)

Thor and Elsa Pataky went to the pool

By brendon April 08, 2011 @ 3:15 PM

Elsa Pataky

Thor star Chris Hemsworth and his wife Elsa Pataky, who was in Snakes on a Plane and will be in Fast Five this summer, hung out by the pool in Miami earlier today, and I really would have assumed she would look better than this. When she goes out she normally looks hot. Now I don’t feel so bad for calling her a cunt behind her back.

(image source = inf daily)

dont you dare give Amanda Seyfried a parking ticket

By brendon April 08, 2011 @ 1:59 PM

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Amanda Seyfried is right on the verge of being a big star, so if you even think of putting a parking ticket on her car as if she wasn’t a big star, you can fuck off.

And that’s exactly what happened last night in London after the premiere of Red Riding Hood. So she threw it back at the cop and said, “Thank you, but no thank you.” Then the cop locked her in one of those blank iron masks like they used to use in the Tower of London. Oh wait never mind. I forgot, she always looks like that.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Katrina Bowden is the Sexiest Woman Alive

By brendon April 08, 2011 @ 12:47 PM

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The mincing queens over at Esquire magazine have announced, prissily no doubt, that 30 Rock star Katrina Bowden (the granddaughter of legendary Florida State football coach Bobby Bowden) is your 2011 Sexiest Woman Alive. I guess they do this twice a year now. With a The and a Your.

Katrina is obviously pretty (though she doesn’t have big tits so she’s dead to me), so whatever, I can see how she won, but what sucks is that Esquire doesn’t have the article about her up yet. Those closeted dorks always find new ways of describing hot girls with disturbingly queer and antiquated phrases, like in this one with Mary Louise Parker, or to be outright weird, like this one with Christina Hendricks. This magazine is so gay they might as well just end every article by writing, “toodles!”

(i made up that florida state thing, btw. that would have been neat though.)

Lindsay Lohan is not in any new movies

By brendon April 08, 2011 @ 11:25 AM

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Lindsay Lohan has beaten out Blake Lively and Sienna Miller to star as Victoria Gotti in a $75,000,000 biopic of John Gotti starring John Travolta according to TMZ, and that’s a complete crock of shit with no basis in reality whatsoever.

There’s no mention of this movie, anywhere, in the two Hollywood trade papers, Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. Or on Deadline, the best industry website, or on Latino Review, JoBlo or Aint It Cool, the three best websites for exclusive movie news.

This is the executive producer of the Gotti movie. He has one producer credit (this), and it went straight to DVD in 2008. The other two producers (this guy and this guy) have no credits at all. There’s no evidence this movie exists, except on Radar and TMZ, who post whatever Dina Lohan tells them to.

So when they end the post by saying…

Meanwhile, Lindsay is currently in L.A. auditioning for “Superman”…

She’s not. Why on earth would she be? Why on earth would anyone hire her? She’s a shitty actress, she’s a menace, and she looks like a zombie now. I’m not saying she is a zombie, but close your eyes and picture someone who just clawed their way out of a grave. Now hose that person off and put them in a dress. Now who does that look like?

HUMBLE UPDATE - fuck. okay, so I didn’t word the original post very well. Variety and THR both did in fact cover the announcement of this movie, what they don’t mention is Lindsay being involved. Keep in mind that movies get announced all the time. I still doubt this will ever get made, I don’t see how a producer with no experience got 75M to spend, but my only qualification for this job is that I have high-speed internet so what the fuck do I know.

Karina Smirnoff is naked in Playboy, trouble

By brendon April 07, 2011 @ 6:38 PM

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It was definitely surprising when Hugh Hefner went on twitter yesterday and announced that Karina Smirnoff, who has been on Dancing With The Stars for 9 seasons, would be naked in the May issue of Playboy. He’s 400 years old. How the hell does he know how to tweet?

But it’s true, both things, and it seems like Karina didn’t really think this through. Popeater says…

“If Karina posed naked, she can kiss her dancing days goodbye,” a ‘DWTS’ insider told me. “I hope for Karina’s sake that this isn’t true.”
The immediate response of ABC is that having one of their dancers pose naked during an ongoing season could “soil” the wholesome show’s image.
“ABC publicity department controls the image of this show with an iron fist. It’s a cash cow and they are not going to allow its reputation to be soiled by a dancer who wants to do Playboy,” an ABC source tells me.
Aside from getting into hot water with family-TV fans and the network, I’m told that Karina may have violated the terms of her contract by posing without getting her bosses to sign off on it.

That seems pretty hypocritical considering they tart those girls up like Spanish whores, and because former Playmate Kelly Monaco was the champion of season 1, Pam Anderson was a contestant for season 10, and Kendra Wilkinson is a contestant this year.

But that’s too bad. Hypocritical or not, rules are rules and life is pointlessly unfair. Consider the fact that the word used to describe a lisp has the “sp” sound in it. That’s fucked up. It would be like if “stutter” was spelled “sta-sta-staa-ssss-stutter”.

(source for pics of smirnoff on turks and caicos last year = pacific coast)

William Shakespeare never wrote a word

By brendon April 07, 2011 @ 5:28 PM



For the record, William Shakespeare, this guy, the son of a glove maker born in Stratford, England, in 1564 and widely considered the greatest writer to ever live, never wrote a single play, poem or sonnet. There’s no evidence he ever wrote a thing. Historically, that guy barely even exists.

As the Oxford Society website explains

There should be masses of contemporary documents about the life of the world’s greatest writer. His manuscripts, his letters, the letters sent to him, the letters about him between others, and printed stories and pamphlets about him. But there are none of these things. There are reviews and comments on the plays and poems. There are a few legal documents (as he) got involved in several minor court cases and he was sought for non-payment of taxes. But there are no documents which show that he had any connection with the plays or poems.

So now we have this, Anonymous, a new movie from director Roland Emmerich (Godzilla, 10000 BC), about Edward de Vere, the most popular candidate as the true author of the worlds greatest written works. Will the movie suck? Yes, almost definitely because he’s a terrible director, but it’s still an important subject. He’s really gonna hold up a mirror to those phonies.

(hd copies of the trailer here)

Kirsten Dunst is as hot as ever

By brendon April 07, 2011 @ 4:22 PM

Kirsten Dunst

Remember when Kirsten Dunst was a huge star? That was weird, huh?

But it’s true. And it drove me insane. She was my nemesis. Not only was she disgusting to look at, with her cold clammy fishlike skin and creepy little baby teeth offset by two big giant fangs, but she was a spoiled bitch. She was so arrogant she even said Spiderman should die at the end of Spiderman 3 and Spiderman 4 should be all about her. And she meant it. Yet producers kept hiring her to haltingly deliver lines in their movie. It was madness.

Then, finally, people seemed to catch on. And here she is today, after a workout in Studio City. Go ahead. Check out the girl who was on Maxims Hot 100 four times before my tireless campaign to drive her out of Hollywood.

I don’t want to overstate this but I feel I should be considered one of historys greatest heros.