Chelsea Handler had an abortion at 16

By brendon May 25, 2011 @ 1:29 PM

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I’m still not sure if I like Chelsea Handler, because if she’s friends with Jennifer Aniston how cool could she really be, but her interview in the New York Times is certainly helping.

Not only does she condemn bullshit like the “teen mom” craze, but she says she had an abortion when she was 16, and then punctuates that by saying it was the right thing to do.

“People are too P.C.,” she said. “We need to be focusing on other things. We’re seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta’ and some of these other shows are more racist. Or ‘16 and Pregnant.’ Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you’re a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.”
She continued: “I had an abortion when I was 16. Because that’s what I should have done. Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid. Anyway, those are things that people shouldn’t be dishonest about it.”

I literally agree with every single thing she just said. 16-year-olds who get abortions are heroes. Wanting to have a baby at 16 is proof you’re too dumb to have a baby. All these shows are just different ways to select the dumbest cunts in the country and then film them. Culturally, it’s one step above a show where retards race stroke victims in supercross.

Nina Dobrev is photogenic, flexible

By brendon May 25, 2011 @ 12:30 PM

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‘Vampire Diaries’ star Nina Dobrev is in the new issue of ‘Seventeen Fitness’ magazine, and HOLY SHIT is there really a magazine about flexible teen girls in bikinis and cheerleading shorts? Jesus Christ. I would charge $300 an issue if I ran that magazine. It might as well be called ‘Jailbait’ with an exclamation point at the end, and the pages should all be laminated. On the down side it’s practically entrapment so I bet the editor gets called into court a lot.

Kim’s engaged. See.

By brendon May 25, 2011 @ 10:29 AM

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People magazine says it was a dream come true for Kim Kardashian when she walked into her bedroom on May 18. Not only was there a big black guy in there, but he gave her a diamond worth around 2 million dollars. All of her favorite things!!!

Her boyfriend of six months, New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries, was waiting in her bedroom on bended knee with four words written in red rose petals: “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”
“I didn’t expect this at all,” Kardashian (says) of the romantic, surprise proposal. “I was in such shock. I never thought it would happen at home, and I never thought now.”

But it did, and Kris gave her a 20.5 carat diamond ring, and then Kims mom brought out two mini-horses covered in glitter. Seriously. “It was hysterical,” Kim said. So it would seem Kim has finally found her ideal man. He’s black, he’s an athlete, but most importantly, his name starts with a K and has an asinine spelling.

god that would be so tempting

By brendon May 24, 2011 @ 6:37 PM

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Julianne Hough was in Miami today filming more scenes for the Tom Cruise musical ‘Rock of Ages’, and I don’t know if this part was in the script but if I were that guy I’d pick her up and throw her in the water too. I hate this chick, she’s pointless, there’s not one single attractive thing about her. You could turn your monitor off and then click through the pictures and they’d be at least twice as good.

Ke$ha needs attention at all times

By brendon May 24, 2011 @ 4:41 PM

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Ke$ha is famous for her outrageous style and outspoken attitude, but she really topped herself last night by wearing a stormtrooper mask after she arrived at JFK airport. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say this is probably the most shocking thing any celebrity has ever done. Congratulations, Ke$ha.

(image source = inf)

Maria Shriver narc’d out Schwarzenegger

By brendon May 24, 2011 @ 3:14 PM

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Many people have been wondering how Arnold Schwarzenegger was able to hide the existence of a son, the product of an affair with his housekeeper, for 13 years. Others have wondered how the secret managed to get out when it did.

Well the answer to the second one is easy: his wife told the LA Times. Way to cock-block, Maria. I bet you’re just pleased as punch.

…when Maria found out that Arnold was the father of Mildred Patty Baena’s son, she was “hysterical” and wanted to hold a news conference blowing the lid off the scandal.
We’re told Maria’s friends talked her off a ledge and a plan was hatched to leak the details to the L.A. Times and TMZ.

Isn’t that just like a woman? God they’re such little tattle-tales.

Estella Warren got a DUI, seems fun

By brendon May 24, 2011 @ 1:45 PM

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Estella Warren, the model and actress who is probably best known either from the Tim Burton ‘Planet of the Apes’ or the Chanel Little Red Riding Hood commercial (this), can now add another title to her resume; crazy bitch.

Because just before midnight last night, she crashed her Toyota Prius into three parked cars. That’s bad driving, but in her defense, she was pretty drunk. When police arrived on the scene, she resisted arrest and even kicked one of the cops trying to bring her in.

After finally working their magic and subduing the 90 pound girl, the LAPD cuffed her and brought her to the station to be booked. Then, like a real-life Nikita, Estella wiggled out of her handcuffs and headed for the back door to escape. It was basically the first 30 seconds of the Columbiana trailer.

Now she’ll be charged with felony escape (she was caught before she ever left the building, btw), assault, DUI, and hit and run. Hopefully they’ll handcuff her for trial too. And lock her in a tank underwater, and then when the trial begins, they’ll pull the curtain off the tank and she’ll be all the way on the other side of the room, soaking wet but ok. How does she do that!

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are in Hawaii

By brendon May 24, 2011 @ 10:53 AM

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Justin Bieber, who is 17 but has the physique and sunken chest of a sickly 10-year-old, is in Hawaii today with Selena Gomez, and yesterday they went to the beach and held hands. It was pretty neato, or however those nerds would describe it. It’s like a fan-fiction story come to life. Today they’ll probably find an old treasure map and get chased by a guy in a grass skirt and scary mask. And this once quiet vacation will turn into… the adventure of their lives!

fun fact – 5-star Louisiana high school safety Landon Collins and Justin Bieber are the same age. Fuck you, Canada!

(image source = splash news and bauer griffin)