Lindsay Lohan will not be going to jail. At all.

By brendon September 23, 2010 @ 7:30 PM


The Lindsay Lohan probation drama began because Lindsay was arrested, twice, for a DUI and possession of cocaine, among other things. She was placed on probation, which she violated several times. So now she’s on probation for violating that probation, which she violated in under a month with two positive drug tests. So what will happen to her tomorrow when she faces a judge for all this?

Absolutely nothing.

“One of two things could happen,” Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers explains to E! News. “The judge could remand her into custody and set her bail, and she could bail out tomorrow. Or she can come in and just admit the violation and he could sentence her right there, I’m not sure what he’ll do.”

So if her remands her into custody she’ll make bail and get out, but if she admits she violated her probation, that’s 30 days in jail, right? We were told every violation carried a minimum of 30 days in jail?

But this 30-day sentence would be subject to the realities of jail overcrowding, which means Lindsay would go to jail for booking and probably be released an hour or two later.

What a fantastic system. So after 3 years of this, Lindsay is still on drugs, which she’ll admit to in court but apparently never be charged with, she’ll only be charged with violating her probation. And she’ll get locked up for 2 hours. I got locked up longer than that when I wouldn’t eat my vegetables.

oh this looks comfortable

By brendon September 23, 2010 @ 6:04 PM

Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore

The last two days have been filled with reports detailing an alleged affair between Ashton Kutcher and a girl named Britney Jones, but to maybe take some of the heat off, today Kutcher and his wife Demi Moore made an appearance in New York to launch the Real Men Campaign to Help End Child Slavery, part of the 2010 Clinton Global Initiative.

So if you were wondering, yes, Ashton Kutcher is a moron. To make people forget about his rumored affair, he stood at a podium with the word CLINTON in huge letters right next to his head. Not only that, but why would I wanna end child slavery? What am I, made out of money? Maybe you can afford 30 dollar socks Mr. Actor but I’m on a budget.

holy crap. Katherine Heigl just gave away 1 million dollars.

By brendon September 23, 2010 @ 4:19 PM


Katherine Heigl does not have the greatest reputation in the world. She’s generally considered difficult and full of herself. Example: one time she walked down the street holding up an issue of Vanity Fair. You’ll never guess who was on the cover.

But maybe she’s not all bad. She did adopt a “special needs” baby from Korea, and today the Hollywood Reporter says she’s giving $1,000,000 to animal charities.

(Heigl is) pledging $1 million to spay and neuter programs in the city and county of Los Angeles.
In addition she will continue to support Learn to be a Best Friend (a training and education obedience program); transport programs moving animals from local shelters where they would be euthanized to humane societies, rescue organizations and “no kill” shelters; and continue to promote pet adoption.

Hopefully she’ll follow through. Unlike Michael Bay, who offered 50 grand for information about that girl in Croatia throwing puppies in a river, and then after people sent him exactly what he asked for, took the offer down and pretended like it never happened. Presumably because he hadn’t kept up with the story and didn’t know she had already been found.

In other words, Michael Bay would have felt cheated if he spent money on a story that moved too fast to keep up with, had poorly shot video, unintelligible dialogue and a disappointing ending. Hmm. Yes, Michael Bay, I agree. It really is really annoying when that happens.

way to go Japan. thanks a lot.

By brendon September 23, 2010 @ 2:58 PM


Paris Hilton was supposed to be in Tokyo today for a promotional appearance, and that would have been followed by stops in Malaysia and Indonesia. I don’t know much about those last two places but they sound dangerous as hell. The kind of place where white people get hacked into pieces. It was very encouraging. But then officials in Japan wouldn’t let her in, and now…

“I’m really tired,” said Hilton, who spent more than six hours being grilled by immigration officials at Narita International Airport. “I’m going back home.”
Hilton, 29, had been scheduled for an appearance in Tokyo today followed by visits to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and Jakarta, Indonesia, later this week. Those stops have also been bagged.

God dammit what is your deal, Japan? You sent her back, and now that bitch won’t leave. Don’t you have monsters over there? Why didn’t you just feed her to one of them? If you were worried about some kind of political fallout, hey, look, if you say you haven’t seen her, that’s good enough for us.

(image source = splash news online)

Ashton Kutchers mistress Brittney Jones is naked

By brendon September 23, 2010 @ 1:58 PM


Um. There’s not much to add to that headline. Three weeks ago Star magazine said Ashton Kutcher was cheating on Demi Moore, and then they said it was with a girl named Brittney Jones, and now Radar also says it was with a girl named Brittney Jones, and under the cut are pictures of her naked.

And uh, girls with big asses and no tits aren’t really my thing, soo. Yeeah. Thaat’s about it. How, how are things with you? Any big plans this weekend? Hey did you see that interception Patrick Peterson made? Can you believe that shit? I don’t know why anyone throws at that guy. If I were the other coach I would just have someone hide all the footballs and then go home. Just let the NCAA figure that shit out.

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Lindsay was drinking when she apologized on twitter

By brendon September 23, 2010 @ 12:32 PM


As part of her probation, Lindsay Lohan isn’t allowed to drink or use drugs, so when she failed a drug test last week, many thought nothing had changed. But then, unlike in the past when she pretended to be sincere but always shifted the blame, this time she went on twitter and took full responsibility for her actions.

And then after that she ordered more whiskey, because she was in a bar drinking while she did it.

…a witness saw (Lohan) craft her statement that night on her Blackberry at Hollywood eatery Magnolia — and tells the new Us Weekly that a flippant Lohan laughed and quaffed Jack and Cokes as she typed.
Lohan composed her missive as her assistant and a male pal coached her on how to make it “more personal,” the witness recounts. “Her friend would say, ‘No, use ‘setback,’ don’t say ‘mistake.’ They’ll say you make mistakes all the time!” The friend went on, “It’s better to say you’re responsible. Denying it will just get everyone mad per usual.” Lohan’s response: “She giggled” and had her assistant order her another Jack and Coke.
The actress, who has been to rehab four times, even joked about drinking whiskey that night, telling pals, “What are you gonna do? I’m ill” – making air quotes with her fingers.

This is quite a badge of honor for the rehab at UCLA. Lindsay was supposed to be there for 90 days, and in like 3 hours she tricked them into letting her go. They do have doctors there, right? Medical doctors? I’d like to see some background checks. Because sometimes people will just call themselves “doctor”. Like DJ’s. And people who are really good at BBQ. Does UCLA have kick ass music and smell like hickory? Someone should look into that.

Kim Kardashian is at Oktoberfest, part 2

By brendon September 22, 2010 @ 6:30 PM


Kim Kardashian is in Munich today for Oktoberfest, and as part of the celebration she put on a dirndl and wore her hair in long traditional braids. Although with her dark skin and big tits, she didn’t exactly blend in. She looks more Gypsy than German. That’s why I put these up. Zee Germans can be forgetful sometimes about where they put their Gypsies. And as we all know they also tried to kill Indiana Jones after he dressed up as one of them. So I just want them to know that we know she’s over there.

it’s the new American Idol judges

By brendon September 22, 2010 @ 6:03 PM

‘American Idol’ officially announced Henniffa Yopez and Steven Tyler as their two new judges this afternoon, with Ryan Seacrest on the ‘Idol’ stage hosting a big announcement show, and Holy Shit is this thing boring. I starting watching it to see Lopez get announced, but then it dawned on me what I was doing and I stopped.