Victoria Silvstedt In A Bikini

July 2, 2013 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Victoria Silvstedt always seems to be posed by the sea. Like a mythological creature. Or a navy port hooker. I imagine you could come back to these rocky shores in the Mediterranean a thousand years from now and Victoria would still be standing just so. Or at least there’d be two bags of silicone resting […]

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Lena Dunham Doesn’t Wear Underwear…Ew

July 2, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Lena Dunham continued her quest to gross us all out by admitting that she never wears underwear. Unless she is forced to by her costume department. Apparently, she refuses to cover her hairy maw up when she goes to the set, so the costume department has to provide her underwear everyday so she doesn’t get […]

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Miley Cyrus’ Mouth Keeps Getting Bigger

July 2, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that Maxim named this woman the hottest female on the planet. It was like arguing with my Uncle Ray over whether or not Paul O’Neill was the greatest baseball player ever. It always ended up with me calling Ray a retard and Ray telling me my parents […]

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Jourdan Dunn Was Fired By Dior Because Her Small Boobs Are Too Big

July 2, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Jourdan Dunn is a 22-year old British runway model who was supposed to be appearing at yesterday’s Dior couture show in Paris, but two things got in her way of that happening – her big, ol’ boobies. Except, at 32A, her breasts aren’t exactly crushing any beer cans, yet they were still big enough to […]

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Jessica Alba Looks Really Fucking Nervous

July 2, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Jessica Alba looks like she’s at Camp Crystal Lake and the dude she was supposed to be boning after lights out suddenly went missing. Only, she’s not in a horror movie, she’s visiting a medical office in West Hollywood. And sweating. I just want to give her a cup of sherbet and tell her everything […]

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Ian Ziering Stripped For His Old Castmates

July 2, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Despite being a year shy of 50, Ian Ziering is still in pretty decent shape. But I guess it’s easy to stay fit when all you have to do is occasionally play yourself in a movie or voice a cartoon mouse. The combination of being in good shape and needing a job are why Ian […]

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Rap Feuds Have Hit An All-Time Low

July 2, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Back in the good, old days, if two rappers didn’t like each other, they’d either settle their beef by writing hate-filled diss tracks about each other, like Jay-Z and Nas, or in extreme cases, it would be settled in the streets by warring gang members*, like Biggie and Tupac. Unfortunately, today’s rappers feud about as […]

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Serena Williams Has Been Defeated; You May Now Return to Your Homes

July 2, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

To fight monsters, we built monsters. Well, we didn’t. But the Germans did. Sabine Lisicki. She felled the beast in relatively easy fashion by tiring out the older Serena’s legs by moving her all over the court throughout. I don’t care that Serena can military press the mass of several small island nations. You got […]

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Three of These Fashionistas Will Suck Your Dick Without Complaining

July 2, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Women who are into fashion bore me. I’m not saying it’s any worse than men who are really into sports. But it’s certainly more expensive. I understand that basic human desire to look good to the opposite sex. But that’s not really the point of fashion. If women asked men what to wear they’d always […]

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Justin Bieber May Have Little Boy Feet

July 2, 2013 | Uncategorized | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Riders are those addendums to standard performance contracts where divas get to list all the special shit you have to give them backstage to get them to come perform at your place. Legendary things like baths filled with Evian water and M&Ms sorted by color and lots and lots of cocaine and hookers. That last […]

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