One of the most famous things Jimmy Fallon ever did on SNL was the ‘I Wish It Was Christmas Today’ sketch with Horatio Sanz, Chris Kattan and Tracy Morgan. Fallon has of course moved on to replace Conan at 11:30, and now he can do the same kind of thing but with the Roots for a band and Julian Casablancas of the Strokes on lead vocals. And so last night that’s what he did. It probably makes a lot more sense if you’re high. So go get stoned and watch this again. Awesome now, right?
(PROBABLY ILLEGAL FOR SOME QUEER REASON UPDATE – download an mp3 version of the song here)
Dr. Cyril Wecht is just about as famous a forensic pathologist can get. He’s the Lebron James of pathologists, the only difference being the quality of pussy I assume they get.
Although not directly involved with the Brittany Murphy case, he told CBS News today there’s little doubt in his mind about what killed her, despite the early reports claiming she died of natural causes.
“When you have a 32-year-old person dying suddenly … you can place your bet down that it’s going prove to be a case of acute combined drug toxicity.
I guarantee you that, if the pathologists at the Los Angeles coroner’s office had found something dramatic, like a heart attack, like a stroke, or like something of a definitive nature, would you have heard about it. The fact that they say that they’re going wait for toxicology tests and it will take a couple of months, you can be sure that this is going to prove to be a case of acute combined drug toxicity.”
Toxi City would be a good name for a rave club or something. Which reminded me of Brittanys song with Paul Oakenfold. It’s actually really good if you like that kind of music. So it’s okay if you do. You don’t have to act tough to impress me. I love you no matter what.
Yesterday Brittany Murphys husband made it clear that she didn’t have an eating disorder and her mysterious death was certainly not because of any sort of drug overdose. Apparently there’s no reason in the world to think she took a shocking number of strong prescription meds. Well except for this.
A shocking number of strong prescription meds were found on Brittany Murphy’s bedroom nightstand after her sudden Dec. 20 death, according to notes from an investigator with the Los Angeles coroner’s office.
…the medications included Topamax (anti-seizure meds also to prevent migraines), Methylprednisolone (anti-inflammatory), Fluoxetine (depression med), Klonopin (anxiety med), Carbamazepine (treats Diabetic symptoms and is also a bipolar med), Ativan (anxiety med), Vicoprofen (pain reliever), Propranolol (hypertension, used to prevent heart attacks), Biaxin (antibiotic), Hydrocodone (pain med).
When you’re a hard-ass brotha raised on the streets like me, you know that Topamax is used by fancy white folks for weight loss and pain, Methylprednisolone is a steroid used for weight loss, Fluoxetine is the technical name for Prozac, Klonopin is a muscle relaxant used to amplify the high of other drugs, Carbamazepine is used with alcohol for a sense of euphoria, Ativan (aka Lorazepam) is a powerful sedative and muscle relaxant, Vicoprofen is ibuprofen combined with hydrocodone, Propranolol is used for anxiety and was the subject of a 60 Minutes report about people taking it to erase the memory of traumatic events like – ahem – RAPE, and Hydrocodone is a pain killer, “considered to be morphine-like in all respects”.
In other words, she had a mountain of drugs that coincidentally have a long and well known history of recreational abuse. Being blatantly lied to like this is a real slap in the face. And even worse slap in the face is an actual slap in the face, which is what I hope someone does to this dumb tubby fuck.
WILL FERREL – appeared in a wedding announcement on Sunday in the New York Times. The guy getting married is a production assistant on Wills new movie. Will is in the picture because he declares Right of Prima Nocta if anyone on his set gets married. (ny daily news)
AVATAR – finished the weekend with an opening gross of $77M in the US and $165M overseas for a weekend total of $242M, exceeding expectations thanks to positive reviews and word of mouth. Also getting rave reviews is the guacamole I made for tonight’s party. (variety)
CARRIE UNDERWOOD – is engaged to Mike Fisher of the NHLs Ottawa Senators. The pair are a dream come true for black comedians who like to talk about how white people dance at weddings. (us magazine)
TARA REID – Is in this months Playboy of course and her full shoot is up on their website, but two more leaked pics start here. Did the photographer have intimacy issues? Is he shy or something? Move closer you jackass. (playboy cyber club)
Judging ‘Project Runway’ must be tough because Tamara Mellon, the founder and CEO of Jimmy Choo shoes, looked way better when she was in St. Barts with some topless girl just 8 months ago (here). Tamara got topless this time too (here), but I didn’t see her lady friend. That’s the bad news. The good news is that one of these pictures is also a treasure map, and on the trees behind Tamara you can see markers that lead to Blackbeards Gold. The other bad news is you have to do a bunch of reading to figure out the clues. What am I, a doctor?
As was mentioned here yesterday, Brittany Murphy had a long history of drug rumors and erratic behavior. Now Gerald Posner of the Daily Beast writes that her sad and pointless death was pretty much the worlds least surprising surprise.
“This is like Lindsay Lohan dying,” a studio executive told me. “It really doesn’t come, unfortunately, as a shock.”
Virtually everyone I spoke with who knew her suggested that it was a given that she had a drug problem, involving both heroin and cocaine, though none admitted to directly seeing her use or abuse narcotics. “She had too many drugs and too little food,” said a makeup artist who had worked with her, adding that she sometimes “nodded off” in front of her.
“She was a space cadet most of the time when I saw her,” added the studio executive. Others echoed that privately.
This whole thing reminds me of the time my friend brought me a sandwich. It was a meatball sandwich, and it was very good. I also had a coke, but my coke had too much ice and I don’t like ice so I would have to say my coke was not as good as my sandwich. Then my friend left and then I read that thing on the Daily Beast comparing Brittany to Lindsay and then I wrote this. It’s funny how the mind works, how two unrelated memories can blend together like that.
Dam this was fast. Despite earlier reports saying her autopsy would take place tomorrow, “the L.A. County Coroner is currently conducting an autopsy on Brittany Murphy, despite the wishes of her husband Simon Monjack.”
When asked for a comment, Tiger Woods leaned back in a huge leather chair in front of a 20-foot wall of flat screen TVs all showing different shows, tapped his fingers together and said, “Exxx-cellent. Everything is going according to plan.”
CONFUSING UPDATE – or maybe it’s not underway. Radar now says, “the (autopsy) would occur on Monday and was not underway as of Monday morning despite internet reports.”
The Sun and others are now reporting that Brittany Murphy was addicted to prescription painkillers after repeated plastic surgery, and when she died she was taking several unidentified prescription meds for flu-like symptoms. Us magazine quotes a source saying, “There were a lot, a lot, of prescriptions in the house.”
The LA Times reported she died of cardiac arrest, and while the coroners office said the cause, “appears to be natural”, that may simply mean she wasn’t murdered, and nothing will be official until an autopsy, tentatively scheduled for tomorrow. The Sun writes…
Brittany was pronounced dead at 10.04am yesterday following a heart attack. But friends believe it was brought on by a long-running struggle with prescription drugs.
One said: “We have been very worried something like this was about to happen. Brittany has been living life on the edge. She definitely had a drug problem and we have all begged her to seek help. Sadly our words fell on deaf ears.”
(She) was found unconscious in the shower by her mother.
She collapsed in the bathroom and authorities are now looking into her medical history. Her family are co-operating with an autopsy which is planned for today or Tuesday.
The pictures here are from December 1st and are just about the last she ever took. That’s the problem with dying so abruptly. You never know what the last pictures taken of you will be. I think the last pictures I took show me naked with my dick in the toaster. So if I die today, that works for me. That’s how I’d like to be remembered. As a guy who fucked a lot of the appliances.