HAYDENS DAD IS A DICKHEAD – UPDATE

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 7:49 AM

TMZ has a troubling story this morning claiming that Hayden Panettiere's dad has been arrested for alleged spousal abuse.  They say…

Alan Panettiere was arrested this morning on a felony count of domestic violence. He was popped after allegedly striking Lesley Panettiere in the face at around 3:00 AM today.  He is currently being held on $50,000 bail.

Holy crap.  Well there’s nothing funny about this.  Unless Alan was chasing Lesley around the kitchen and he took his belt off to hit her and then his pants fell down around his ankles.  I bet if that happened both people would stop and then there’d be this funny pause and then they’d both start laughing and forget what they were even fighting about.  When moments like that happen, I bet you’re all like, wow, life sure is funny sometimes.

DISRESPECTING UPDATE – Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Alan and Lesley Panettiere were at a party earlier in the evening. We're told Alan was upset because Lesley was "hanging" with someone at the shindig and he felt she was "disrespecting" him.  Sources say, according to Lesley's statement to Sheriffs, the couple went home, began arguing and he struck her in the cheek. We're told cops took pictures and there are visible marks.



HOLLY IS GOING TO KILL HERSELF

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 7:48 AM

If you watch "Girls Next Door" on E!, you know that Holly Madisons entire life is based upon deluding herself into thinking Hugh Hefner is madly in love with her.  He’s not; I think that’s pretty clear.  And now the National Enquirer says that Hef is actually spending more and more time with the 2007 Ukrainian Playmate of the Year, Dasha Astafieva.  He’s been seen at her photo shoots for the December issue of the American version (something he never does), and the two have even been seen on dates holding hands.  The only way this could get any worse for Holly is if Dasha pushed her over a cliff and then ran her over with a car.

(her Ukrainian Playboy stuff and another set of nudes over here)



KATE BOSWORTH NEEDS TO DO MORE OF THIS

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 5:42 AM

When I say "more of this", I don’t mean lying on top of dudes (in this case her boyfriend James Rousseau), I just mean prancing around in a bikini, as she did this weekend in Malibu.  Although this bitch is still skinny as a rail.  Keep in mind the camera adds 10 pounds and yet she still looks like she spent the last six months behind barbed wire.  When I inevitably have sex with her, I’m gonna have to use a speculum just to get my penis inside her.

(more kate pictures over here



EVERYONE WANTS ANGELINA

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 5:41 AM

The Variety political blog says today that Angelina Jolie is the most wanted person in Hollywood, and not just by directors and producers and my penis, but also by presidential candidates Barrack Obama and John McCain.

It may seem as if most entertainment industry figures are aligning with Barack Obama and just a few with John McCain, but there are still a handful of famous names who are still on the fence. And both campaigns are well aware of one star who stands out among the undecideds: Angelina Jolie.
Both campaigns have reached out to her, apparently to court her support. But in a statement to Variety provided by political adviser Trevor Neilson, Jolie says that she is waiting to make up her mind.
"I have not decided on a candidate," Jolie says, "I am waiting to see the commitments they will make on issues like international justice, refugees and how to address the needs of children in crisis around the world."
Unlike many other celebrity endorsements, Jolie's carries the weight and influence of her extensive humanitarian work around the world, as the goodwill ambassador for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. Her statement was an indication that she would be open to choosing a candidate.

I'm not sure how tricking voters into masturbating helps in any way, but I guess that's why I used those hunky shirtless posters of me washing my horse when I ran for class president.  My golden muscles rippling in the sun just proved to more of a distraction than anything, although I was somehow elected mayor.



A-HA!

By brendon August 11, 2008 @ 5:16 AM

College Humor has a documentary up that really makes you think.  According to them, college girls are whores.  I knew it!

1957 – 2008

By brendon August 10, 2008 @ 7:50 AM

I didn’t even turn my computer on yesterday because of the Olympics, but now that I do I see Bernie Mac has died of pneumonia at age 50.  God does that suck.  He was just one of those guys who, because of his mannerisms and cadence, everything he said was 10 times funnier than it really was or should have been.  How does this even happen for someone that young?  Do we live in the year 1580?  It's like saying he died of a hex or Viking attack.  Anyway, as I'm sure everyone already knew about this, here are some nice quotes from people who knew him that you maybe haven’t seen:

Don Cheadle – "This is a very sad day for many of us who knew and loved Bernie. He brought so much joy to so many. He will be missed but heaven just got funnier."

Samuel L Jackson – "I feel blessed to have shared years of friendship with Bernie Mac.  My sincere prayer is that his family will be comforted by the warmth of love from all of us who knew and respected this man."

George Clooney – "The world just got a little less funny. He will be dearly missed.'

Brad Pitt: "I lament the loss of a ferociously funny and hardcore family man. My thoughts are with (Mac's wife) Rhonda and their family. Bernie Mac, you are missed."

Carl Reiner – “I’m in utter shock.  He was just so alive. I can't believe he's gone."



LINDSAY FORGOT SOMETHING

By brendon August 08, 2008 @ 11:15 AM

Stop me if you’ve heard this one, but Lindsay Lohan was walking around LA yesterday in a sheer black shirt and no bra.  I don’t know why.  It really doesn’t seem that hard to put on a bra. I'm not an expert when it comes to these things, but it looks like something I could do.

IS EVA LONGORIA PREGNANT?

By brendon August 08, 2008 @ 10:01 AM

These pictures taken yesterday on the set of "Desperate Housewives" have many, like the Daily Mail for example, wondering if Eva Longoria might be pregnant.  I bet she is.  What a whore.