Demi Lovato is plus sized

By brendon August 30, 2011 @ 12:10 PM


Apparently a lot of people were talking about the way Demi Lovato looked at the VMAs on Sunday, specifically about the weight she’s gained since leaving rehab, because she went on her twitter and said…

Guess what, I’m healthy and happy, and if you’re hating on my weight you obviously aren’t. :)

And Ashley Greene sent her a poorly spelled message saying “your beautiful”, to which Demi replied

this is why you’re my friend.. Thank you girl.

Which is kind of weird because it was when Joe Jonas broke up with Demi Lovato and then dated Ashley Greene that Demi lost it and ended up in rehab for cutting, an eating disorder, drugs, and anger management. But she seems happy now so good for her. And if she can find a way to go back in time to when being fat was a sign of status and privilege, she’ll be all set.

Gwen Stefani was in a bikini too

By brendon August 29, 2011 @ 3:54 PM


Gwen Stefani spent yesterday on the beach in Malibu with her kids and husband Gavin Rossdale, and as always she managed to look sexy without being slutty, without wearing a thong or “accidentally” losing her top in the surf. In other words, I hate you Gwen Stefani. Booo, you suck, get outa here before you give the whores in Hollywood the wrong idea.

(image source = inf)

Sarah Jessica Parker is gettin me all hot

By brendon August 29, 2011 @ 3:25 PM


Sarah Jessica Parker and her veiny arms were out in New York this weekend, and the only way I can explain her career as a movie star is the same reason the Twilight books are so popular. Because women are always complaining about being held to a double standard of beauty, so when they read about some plain girl or see a movie with the feral wolf-like thing in these pictures, it makes them feel good about themselves. “Look,” Hollywood says, “here’s a movie starring a sinewy old witch, and handsome popular actors are in love with her. There’s no way you’re uglier than she is. Not as long as you’re reading this on earth.”

(image source = bauer griffin)

Lady Gaga at the VMAs, sponsored by ‘Death Valley’

By brendon August 29, 2011 @ 2:21 PM


The new MTV comedy ‘Death Valley‘ premieres tonight, and it’s sort of like ‘Reno 911′ but if instead of shoplifters the police went after vampires and werewolves, and instead of writing them a ticket they sawed their heads off (bloddy preview clip under the cut). And “monsters on MTV whom I’d like to see impaled” is a perfect segue to Lady Gaga on the VMAs last night. You probably assumed she couldn’t get any less attractive, but then she went and brought back her “Jo Calderone” persona. She’s so ugly that when I saw her go on stage I literally died for 3 minutes.

Read more >

Bar Refaeli was in a bikini

By brendon August 29, 2011 @ 2:09 PM


In news that is at least as important as the VMAs, supermodel Bar Refaeli spent the weekend on a yacht and swimming in the ocean in Portofino, Italy. It seems like that’s the new celebrity hotspot for going on a yacht and swimming in the ocean. That’s why I’m building my underwater layer there, complete with giant robot claws to grab the supermodels like Bar (cue evil “Dun-Dun-Dun” music).

(image source = splash and wenn)

thank God for Selena Gomez

By brendon August 29, 2011 @ 12:36 PM


Selena Gomez was one of the very few bright spots at the VMAs last night, despite the fact that I’ve never heard one of her songs or seen one of her videos. I’m not even positive if she has any. She might not even have a tongue for all I know. But she seems to be getting sluttier by the minute, which is actually uncomfortable because she still looks like a little kid. Am I supposed to have sex with her or make teddy bear pancakes?

(image source = getty and wenn)

Matthew Fox punched a woman in the vagina

By brendon August 29, 2011 @ 11:59 AM


Matthew Fox is oddly unfamous for how famous he is, so you can bet he’s clinging to every last ounce of whatever fame he has. And if he’s already reduced himself to crashing party busses in Cleveland to troll for drunken whores who will have sex with a guy they saw on TV, you better just let him do it before some titties get punched.

TMZ says..

(Fox) tried to enter a party bus — even though he wasn’t a guest on the vehicle.
We’re told the woman who was driving the bus tried to block Fox from getting on board — at which point, he allegedly punched her in the breast and the “stomach area.”
Fox was handcuffed by an off-duty officer — and was later detained by police.
Fox was released without being formally arrested.

Wait what?

Fox was released without being formally arrested.

Wow. He punched a woman. In her tits. And “stomach area”. And the police caught him. And then let him go.

Someone please for the love of God cast Gwyneth Paltrow in a movie that films in Clevaland.

Beyonce is pregnant

By brendon August 29, 2011 @ 10:14 AM


If you forced me to make up something more boring than the MTV Video Music Awards, it would still sound a lot like the MTV Video Music Awards. It would be like, “a 4 hour TV show… filled with pretentious assholes flaunting their money… and getting awards for something no one ever saw.”

So at least Beyonce took last nights VMAs to announce that she’s 3 months pregnant. Her husband Jay Z is presumably the father. So at least there was something sort of resembling news. Granted that’s only when compared to the most assine awards show possible. The VMAs are basically the Blockbuster Awards, except without enough dignity to simply go away.

(image source = getty)