monday afternoon headlines

By brendon December 21, 2009 @ 7:03 PM

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WILL FERREL – appeared in a wedding announcement on Sunday in the New York Times. The guy getting married is a production assistant on Wills new movie. Will is in the picture because he declares Right of Prima Nocta if anyone on his set gets married. (ny daily news)

AVATAR – finished the weekend with an opening gross of $77M in the US and $165M overseas for a weekend total of $242M, exceeding expectations thanks to positive reviews and word of mouth. Also getting rave reviews is the guacamole I made for tonight’s party. (variety)

CARRIE UNDERWOOD – is engaged to Mike Fisher of the NHLs Ottawa Senators. The pair are a dream come true for black comedians who like to talk about how white people dance at weddings. (us magazine)

TARA REID – Is in this months Playboy of course and her full shoot is up on their website, but two more leaked pics start here. Did the photographer have intimacy issues? Is he shy or something? Move closer you jackass. (playboy cyber club)

Read more >

Tamara Mellon is topless, rich

By brendon December 21, 2009 @ 3:47 PM

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Judging ‘Project Runway’ must be tough because Tamara Mellon, the founder and CEO of Jimmy Choo shoes, looked way better when she was in St. Barts with some topless girl just 8 months ago (here). Tamara got topless this time too (here), but I didn’t see her lady friend. That’s the bad news.  The good news is that one of these pictures is also a treasure map, and on the trees behind Tamara you can see markers that lead to Blackbeards Gold. The other bad news is you have to do a bunch of reading to figure out the clues.  What am I, a doctor? 

(source = fame pictures and splash news online)

“This is like Lindsay Lohan dying.”

By brendon December 21, 2009 @ 2:20 PM

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As was mentioned here yesterday, Brittany Murphy had a long history of drug rumors and erratic behavior. Now Gerald Posner of the Daily Beast writes that her sad and pointless death was pretty much the worlds least surprising surprise.

“This is like Lindsay Lohan dying,” a studio executive told me. “It really doesn’t come, unfortunately, as a shock.”
Virtually everyone I spoke with who knew her suggested that it was a given that she had a drug problem, involving both heroin and cocaine, though none admitted to directly seeing her use or abuse narcotics. “She had too many drugs and too little food,” said a makeup artist who had worked with her, adding that she sometimes “nodded off” in front of her.
“She was a space cadet most of the time when I saw her,” added the studio executive. Others echoed that privately.

This whole thing reminds me of the time my friend brought me a sandwich. It was a meatball sandwich, and it was very good. I also had a coke, but my coke had too much ice and I don’t like ice so I would have to say my coke was not as good as my sandwich. Then my friend left and then I read that thing on the Daily Beast comparing Brittany to Lindsay and then I wrote this. It’s funny how the mind works, how two unrelated memories can blend together like that.

(update!) brittany murphys autopsy is underway

By brendon December 21, 2009 @ 12:27 PM

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Dam this was fast. Despite earlier reports saying her autopsy would take place tomorrow, “the L.A. County Coroner is currently conducting an autopsy on Brittany Murphy, despite the wishes of her husband Simon Monjack.”

When asked for a comment, Tiger Woods leaned back in a huge leather chair in front of a 20-foot wall of flat screen TVs all showing different shows, tapped his fingers together and said, “Exxx-cellent. Everything is going according to plan.”

CONFUSING UPDATE – or maybe it’s not underway.  Radar now says, “the (autopsy) would occur on Monday and was not underway as of Monday morning despite internet reports.”

“…was found unconscious in the shower by her mother.”

By brendon December 21, 2009 @ 11:52 AM

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The Sun and others are now reporting that Brittany Murphy was addicted to prescription painkillers after repeated plastic surgery, and when she died she was taking several unidentified prescription meds for flu-like symptoms. Us magazine quotes a source saying, “There were a lot, a lot, of prescriptions in the house.”

The LA Times reported she died of cardiac arrest, and while the coroners office said the cause, “appears to be natural”, that may simply mean she wasn’t murdered, and nothing will be official until an autopsy, tentatively scheduled for tomorrow. The Sun writes…

Brittany was pronounced dead at 10.04am yesterday following a heart attack. But friends believe it was brought on by a long-running struggle with prescription drugs.
One said: “We have been very worried something like this was about to happen. Brittany has been living life on the edge. She definitely had a drug problem and we have all begged her to seek help. Sadly our words fell on deaf ears.”
(She) was found unconscious in the shower by her mother.
She collapsed in the bathroom and authorities are now looking into her medical history. Her family are co-operating with an autopsy which is planned for today or Tuesday.

The pictures here are from December 1st and are just about the last she ever took. That’s the problem with dying so abruptly. You never know what the last pictures taken of you will be. I think the last pictures I took show me naked with my dick in the toaster. So if I die today, that works for me. That’s how I’d like to be remembered. As a guy who fucked a lot of the appliances.

(picture source = wenn)

fuck you ashton kutcher

By brendon December 21, 2009 @ 10:42 AM

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Ashton Kutcher dated Brittany Murphy for almost two years, and they never went public with it but they might have even been engaged before breaking up in 2003, so when the shocking news of her untimely death broke yesterday, he composed himself long enough to write a touching eulogy, in 140 characters or less.

“2day the world lost a little piece of sunshine. My deepest condolences go out 2 Brittany’s family, her husband, & her amazing mother Sharon.”

Don’t dry your tears yet because then he added…

“see you on the other side kid.”

Wow. What a jackass. He turns 32 in just about a month, but he still writes with numbers, just like the young people do. And by “young people” I mean, “12-year-olds.” You’d think he’d be a little kinder. In a month Brittany will be nothing but a skeleton with loose wrinkled skin, and since he’s married to one of those already, I thought that’s what he liked.

1977 – 2009

By brendon December 20, 2009 @ 3:59 PM

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Brittany Murphy died of a heart attack this morning. She was just 32 years old. The New York Daily News writes:

She went into full cardiac arrest early Sunday and could not be revived.
The Los Angeles City Fire Department got a call from the home of Murphy’s husband Simon Monjack about 8 a.m.
She was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, where she was pronounced dead on arrival.

It would be hard to describe Brittany’s behavior the past few years kindly. Increasingly odd choices took her life in a strange direction, and as far back as 2005 people were talking privately about an addiction to heroin and a sexual compulsion. It didn’t help when Ted Casablanca of E! Online wrote this thinly veiled blind item:

“If I were you, I wouldn’t invite Jordache Junky to your son’s bar mitzvah. She might lure him into a stairwell and do him. Now, don’t get me wrong, girlfriends. Most boys would be thrilled to get into J2′s prissy undies. I mean, she’s been in, like, a million movies, many of which young boys just worship.That’s why I can’t believe what she pulled at a Hollywood bash last week. Gulp. There’s no delicate way to put it, so here goes: J.J. banged a cater-waiter. And she didn’t take him home in a doggie bag. Nope, J.J. jumped this dude’s bones in the damn stairwell.”

Murphy was the spokesmodel for Jordache at the time.  Jordache + heroin = Jordache Junky.  Her legal team wrote a swift and long winded denial, even though she was never actually named in Casablancas post.

It’s not clear yet why a seemingly healthy 32-year-old would have a heart attack (drugs), but the previous rumors may give a hint (it was drugs).  The details to come in the next few days will probably not be kind (drugs), so I chose to remember how good she was in things like ‘Sin City’ and as Luann on ‘King of the Drugs’.

blake lively knows how to dress

By brendon December 18, 2009 @ 6:25 PM

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Girls in Hollywood could learn a lot from Blake Lively. She went to the ‘Sherlock Holmes’ premiere last night in New York, and just like every other day of her life, she wore stuff either cut real high or real low or both. The only other girl on earth who wears clothes that fit like like this day in and day out is Wonder Woman.