Lindsay Lohan is getting special treatment in prison

By brendon July 22, 2010 @ 3:47 PM

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The jail where Lindsay Lohan is being held is run by the LA County Sheriffs department, and the man who runs the Sheriffs department is Lee Baca, who was sworn in 12 years ago. One of his first acts was the creation of a “special reserves program”. The LA Times said the program, “was designed to cater to celebrities, executives, star athletes and other notable persons.”

In a completely unrelated story, celebrity Lindsay Lohan is being catered to while in jail. Her special treatment includes a private TV, private phone, a fancy bed, furniture, and personal guards. The New York Daily News says…

Even though officials have insisted Lohan is treated like everyone else – beyond getting her own cell – rumors flew that the star is enjoying perks.
“She was in the infirmary every day for medical treatment … they cleaned a special room for Lindsay. It had a regular hospital bed, a TV and a dresser for her new clothes and socks.”
(Lindsay also gets) special food and new clothes and had a female guard at her disposal and access to a private phone.
On LiLo’s second day behind bars, Lohan’s mom, Dina, and kid sister Ali showed up.
An exiting inmate said the jail was put on lockdown for the visit.
“I sat there for four hours waiting to get released because of her. They put us on lockdown and told us not to look. It’s discrimination. She’s a criminal, just like me.”

Aww, it’s cute to see that Baca hasn’t lost his doe-eyed love affair with celebrities. As you might recall, he’s been using the exit door on his jail to kiss their ass for years now…

Michelle Rodriguez
– In 2006 she was sentenced to 60 days in jail. She was released after 4 hours and 20 minutes. (people)

Paris Hilton – In 2007 she was sentenced to 45 days in jail. She was released after 4 days. (cnn)

Lindsay Lohan – In 2007 she was sentenced to 4 days in jail, with a court ordered minimum of 24 hours. She was released after 84 minutes. (people)

Nicole Richie – In 2007 she was sentenced to 4 days in jail. She was released after 82 minutes. (msnbc)

Michelle Rodriguez – In 2008 she was sentenced to 180 days in jail. She was released after 17. (people)

In Bacas defense, if you’re walking on Sunset after midnight, you never know when Rodriguez or Lohan might get drunk and run you over. It makes it more exciting!

Selena Gomez turned 18 today

By brendon July 22, 2010 @ 1:38 PM

Selena Gomez celebrates her 18th birthday by visiting FOX & Frie

Disney star Selena Gomez has been uncomfortably attractive for years, but today she finally turned 18. And it’s still really uncomfortable. She’s in New York to promote her movie “Ramona and Beezus”, and as you can see in pictures taken this morning, she still looks like a little kid.

The best part about Latin girls is they fill out by the time they’re 16, and then for the next twenty years, whether they’re 16, 25 or 40, you can’t tell how old they are, they all look the same. Big tits, tight clothes, long hair and too much makeup. But Selena still looks like a child. I don’t know if I’m supposed to fuck her or tickle her tummy.

(image source = inf daily and splash news)

thursday headlines: special mel gibson edition

By brendon July 22, 2010 @ 1:02 PM

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Look, if I could make Megan Fox and Jessica Alba blow me while I took pictures of it for the website, I assure you I would. Until then here’s three Mel Gibson stories, because that’s the only thing in the news.

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this was almost a Jennifer Aniston upskirt

By brendon July 22, 2010 @ 10:49 AM

Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston is in the UK this week to promote her new perfume sarcastically named Lovalie, and last night while on her way to the restaurant C London she got out of her car in a short skirt and the rest is kind of self explanatory.

Thankfully you can’t actually see her dusty, unloved vagina. Based on the way she repels any man who dates her there’s probably some curse that turns you to stone if you look at it.

What madman thought Lovalie would be a good name for a perfume from this frigid loner by the way. Lonelé or Desper 8 would both have been better, or at least more honest.

(source = inf daily)

afternoon headlines

By brendon July 21, 2010 @ 6:55 PM

Jude Law, Sienna Miller

MEL GIBSON – claims his girlfriend tried to extort money from him in return for the tapes she made, and now she’s being investigated. The tapes likely won’t be admissible in any legal action against Mel, but the press he’s received has already ruined him professionally. “Well what did you expect from the Jew run media,” Gibson probably said. (la times)

LINDSAY LOHAN – cried a little when her lawyer came to visit yesterday. “She’s trying to make the necessary adjustments to an extremely stressful and difficult situation. There were some tears.” Girls often describe sex with me that same way. Because my dong is so huge, you see. (people)

OKSANA GRIGORIEVA – can prove that Mel Gibson hit their daughter because she has a picture showing the baby looking perfectly normal, except for an “abrasion” on her chin that you can only see because the camera is practically mushed against the babies face. Oksana says, “Mel punched her and hit their child.” With, I don’t even know, a straw, I guess. (radar)

JUDE LAW AND SIENNA MILLER – are still on vacation with three of Jude’s kids in Otranto, Apulia, Italy, and at least this time he has a beer in his hands. Last time he looked so girly he might as well have been kissing his Justin Bieber poster. (inf daily)

jessica and ashley hart are in bikinis

By brendon July 21, 2010 @ 4:42 PM

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Jessica Hart (in the orange) is a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, and she and her sister Ashley went to Central Park and played frisbee in bikinis. Then, with their skin glistening in the sun, they seductively ate some watermelon and adjusted their breasts. After that they took their tops off and started kissing and making out. No, not really. I just made that up. That would have been awesome though, huh.

(note = Ashley looks better in that bikini than Jessica did when she wore it back in December. source = pacific coast)

lindsay lohan still has 103 days until she can work again

By brendon July 21, 2010 @ 3:11 PM

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Even though Lindsay Lohan will only be spending 13 days in jail instead of the 90 she was sentenced to, she still won’t be able to work or be a drunken public menace until November. After that she will be but we have a few months at least. Yahoo News says…

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Pink is in a bikini. doing this.

By brendon July 21, 2010 @ 1:13 PM

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A good way to measure a woman’s worth as a human being is based on how slutty she is. I never really liked Pink before, but then she and her boyfriend Carey Hart went on this yacht in the south of France, and she laid there in a bikini with her legs spread while strangers took pictures of it. So it turns out she’s a great role model. These pictures have really turned my world upside down.