John Hughes, the writer and director who is mostly well known for era-defining crap like “Sixteen Candles” and “the Breakfast Club”, not to mention the “Home Alone” movies, died today of a heart attack at the age of 59.
But I’m not here to trash the dude, because he also wrote “the Great Outdoors” and wrote and directed “Uncle Buck” and “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”. People forget how awesome John Candy was, which sucks because, as previously implied, he was awesome. He died way too young at the age of 44, and the world of comedy was lesser for it. Although considering he was morbidly obese, 44 was practically immortal.
Sting is kind of a pervert, so there’s at least a 50 percent chance he doesn’t have anything on under that towel. 75 percent if you go by Randy Gerbers reaction. But Stings wife is pretty hot for 55, so maybe I’d be naked too.
If you hadn’t done the math yet, Sting joined Cindy Crawford in St. Tropez. This is the yacht they’re on, by the way. It’s roughly twice the size of the high school I went to. With all the supermodels on yachts in St. Tropez going on, you may think their life is better than yours. And you would be right, it is. Not mine though. I’m a hunk!
So, um, I actually uploaded these pictures of Cindy Crawford in St. Tropez like 4 hours ago. And I thought I published them then. But I didn’t. Yaay! I hope this won’t sound like bragging, but I might be a genius. In fact several top scientists have asked me to wear a football helmet at all times so I don’t damage my precious, precious brain.
I’m completely unapologetic when it comes to Victoria Beckham. That bitch is hot, and I would very much like to have sex with her. Some people disagree. Those people are wrong and/or queer. So needless to say if she ended up as the new judge on American Idol, I would watch the hell out of that stupid show. The Sun UK says…
A source said: “Paula’s absence leaves a big gap on the judging panel. At least 25 million viewers tune in every week.
“It needs a big star. Simon Cowell and Victoria have always got on. It would be an incredible coup to get Posh. She was in one of the biggest girl groups in history so she knows what she is talking about. Simon Fuller is now speaking to her.”
Fuller of course is the shows creator and producer. He also created and managed the Spice Girls. Still, it seems unlikely they would put two Brits on American Idol. When Brits get together over here they drop any attempt to curb their accent and they start rambling about bangers and mash and the loory and “this rum tums all jubbed up” and no one over here would have any idea what the hell they were talking about. So like Paula was still there, except I’d have an erection.
If you’re a guy and you had a computer in the 90′s, you almost definitely had this Karen Mulder wallpaper at least once. I had it twice. From 1994 to 97, then from a week later in 97 to 98. And her body still looked pretty awesome this week in St. Tropez, on a yacht with some Russian mob lookin dudes and some other topless chicks.
But you really roll the dice when you stock your yacht with 90s supermodels. They could look like Karen Mulder, or they could look like Kate Moss. I would beat that thing with a bible if it crawled onto my boat.
Just about two months ago, Jordan announced that she was separating from her husband of almost 4 years. And this week she was spotted essentially naked with some guy in a pool. Touching, right? Although this new guy has the right idea. Chlorine is a bleach, right? The only thing I’d stick inside of Jordan would be a bar of soap. NSFW PICS START HERE
Leighton Meester, who would like you to know that the “waters warm” and then bounce, also says that, despite all evidence to the contrary, the sex tape allegedly starring her is not real. Or something. She tells Harpers Bazaar…
“[The tape] is not real. So it makes me sort of sad. It’s unfortunate that it got carried as far as it did. People think it’s real because somebody says it is. By the way, [as for] me being 18 in those pictures, I don’t believe I was.”
A-Ha! That’s exact … wait what? She was or maybe was not 18 in the pictures from the tape that isn’t real? Are we all talking about the same tape? You know what, forget I asked because I don’t actually care. It sure as hell looks like her (NSFW) and if I can pretend that my girlfriend is Leighton Meester during sex, I can sure as hell pretend that Leighton Meesters exact replica is Leighton Meester during sex.
A 44-year-old mom named Sara Morrison claims that Dr. Phil fondled and sexually abused her when she was a college sophomore who saw him as a patient in 1984. But in a new interview, she says the years have brought forgiveness and even sympathy.
“Dr. Phil is a monster!”
Oh wait never mind.
Sara Morrison is speaking out, divulging sickening details of sexual abuse.
“I suffered from low self-esteem, and I was depressed, lonely and suicidal,” recalled Sara. “He wanted to see me three or four times a week – as a patient.”
While treating her that summer, Dr. Phil did nothing improper. (The next summer, she continued to see him as a therapist and also worked for him as an intern).
“The first day I showed up for work, Phil had his hands all over me,” she recalled.
“Phil would pull me down to sit in his lap while he talked on the phone to patients, other doctors, even his wife! He’d be running his hand up and down the inside of my thigh all the way up to my panties.”
Rawr! What a sexy office that was! Sure it sounds bad now, but hindsight is always 20/20. This was the 80s, when raping your secretary was all the rage. This chick needs to mellow out. If I were her current boss I would fire her right away. She sounds like a real loose cannon. Always makin up crazy stories.