By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 4:32 PM
Much like Mel Gibson before him, Michael Lohan was arrested last night in Florida for attacking his girlfriend after she refused to give him a blow job. Women really don’t seem to understand how awesome blowjobs are.
According to the police report, Lohan “grabbed and squeezed” (Kate) Major’s arms and repeatedly pushed her to the ground in Tuesday’s incident, leaving her bruised.
Police said they arrived to a tense scene between Lohan and Major.
“As we approached the door, we could hear a female yelling ‘Stop’ and ‘Leave me alone,’” police said, adding Lohan was “wearing only shorts, and was out of breath/sweating” when he answered the door.
“He immediately got defensive, saying, ‘Everything is OK and nothing happened here,’” police said. “The victim started yelling in the background for us to help her because he was lying. We separated the two at this time.”
Police reported that Major “was crying … afraid … shaking and having a hard time catching her breath” when they initially interviewed her.
“She had some redness on her arms with minor bruising on her arm and knee,” police said, adding her cell phone was destroyed.
Police said “the bathroom door [at their home appeared] to have a dent consistent with the height of the [Major's] head.”
“This is why I replaced all my doors with ones made of solid oak,” said Mel Gibson when he read this. “You can take a sledgehammer to those things before they dent.”
By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 3:56 PM
Proving that life does indeed go on after breaking up with Bar Refaeli (at least if youre a billionaire actor), various sources are now reporting that Leonardo DiCaprio is now dating this girl; Romanian model Madalina Diana Ghenea. God only knows if she even speaks english or not, but luckily for him going back to a hotel room and then pointing at your crotch is pretty much universal.
By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 1:13 PM
For the fist time since ‘Good Will Hunting’ (no one counts ‘Dogma’ for some reason) Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are starring in a movie together.
Damon will star as Boston mobster Whitely Bulgar, with Affleck co-starring and directing. Though they won’t write the script (which of course is what they won their Oscars for in 1997), they have a more than capable replacement in ‘Boardwalk Empire’ creator and writer Terence Winter.
You may remember that Bulgar was also the inspiration for the Jack Nicholson character in ‘the Departed’ (a mobster allowed to run wild because he was an FBI informant), so this will be like that except probably not as good. Needless to say you probably won’t see that quote on the poster.
(source = deadline)
By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 12:43 PM
Though she still hasn’t made any kind of announcement, Jessica Simpson once again looked very pregnant yesterday New York. Either that or she’s learned to unhinge her jaw like a python and swallowed a pig. To be honest both theories seem equally likely.
(source = bauer griffin)
By brendon October 25, 2011 @ 10:01 AM
In an event that literally everyone predicted starting about 5 years ago, Lindsay Lohan posed naked for Playboy this weekend.
There’s no word on when the pictures will be released, and TMZ says this was just the first of a few planned shoots. For the record, after some negotiating, she was paid somewhere between $750,000 and $1,000,000.
She’s already posed naked before of course, in New York magazine (see those pictures here), but this should be even nakeder. Or at least it better be. It beter not that bullshit some celebrities pull where they giggle and cover everything good with sheets or their hands or by standing behind something like this is a god damn Austin Powers movie.
By brendon October 24, 2011 @ 5:56 PM
If you’ve always liked Scarlett Johansson, but wish she looked more like a single mom you could pick up at a truck stop… ta-da!
(image source of Scarlet filming ‘Under the Skin’ in Glasgow today = splash)
By brendon October 24, 2011 @ 5:20 PM
It would be easy to say that Lady Gaga does little else than rip off what Madonna used to do, and it would be easy to say that because it’s true. Nonetheless, Gaga has never been anything but reverent toward Madonna and will tell anyone who listens that shes her idol.
Madonna however can’t stand anyone else getting any attention ever, so at the premiere of Madonas directorial debut last night (where she was boo’d by the way) someone in the crowd yelled “Who needs Lady Gaga? To which Madonna cuntily replied, ”Lady who?” (video here)
Anyway, these pictures are her on the red carpet for the premiere, and I love how she spends most of the time trying to hide her old-lady hands. Haha, sorry jackass but we all know what you’re doing. Or should I say, sorry ma’am, maybe a hot bowl of soup will bring some color to those cheeks.
By brendon October 24, 2011 @ 3:14 PM
Considering she couldn’t even be bothered to build that school for kids in Africa that she promised, you might be wondering if Madonna is a mean, cold hearted, selfish bitch. Well wonder no more, because yes, she is.
Madonna’s older brother, Anthony Ciccone, says he’s living homeless in Michigan after his family “turned their back” on him.
Ciccone tells the Michigan Messenger he’s been living on the streets of Traverse City after losing his job at his father’s winery more than a year ago. “My family turned their back on me, basically, when I was having a hard time,” Ciccone said. “You think I haven’t answered this kind of question a bazillion times – why my sister is a multibazillionaire, and I’m homeless on the street? Never say never. This could happen to anybody.”
Speaking of Madonna, she and her sexy hands were at Heathrow airport in London this morning. With any luck this will be followed by one of those stories where a celebrity is a pain in the ass and gets throw off a plane. Even better if the plane is in mid air when they do it.
(image source = bauer griffin)