thank God for Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez was one of the very few bright spots at the VMAs last night, despite the fact that I've never heard one of her songs or seen one of her videos. I'm not even positive if she has any. She might not even have a tongue for all I know. But she seems to be getting... read more

Matthew Fox punched a woman in the vagina

Matthew Fox is oddly unfamous for how famous he is, so you can bet he's clinging to every last ounce of whatever fame he has. And if he's already reduced himself to crashing party busses in Cleveland to troll for drunken whores who will have sex with a guy they saw on... read more

Beyonce is pregnant

If you forced me to make up something more boring than the MTV Video Music Awards, it would still sound a lot like the MTV Video Music Awards. It would be like, "a 4 hour TV show... filled with pretentious assholes flaunting their money… and getting awards for something... read more

Katy Perry seems so normal

Katy Perry is in the middle of her California Dreams tour, but on Monday she took her dancers, crew and opening artist Natalia Kills to Six Flags Great America outside Chicago to ride roller coasters. In other words this chick has a lot to learn about being famous. The... read more

Jenny McCarthy is still an idiot

(note: I wrote this like 10 times but all the links made it confusing so I'm just gonna post it in bullet points to make it easier to read. Ta-da!) - Jenny Mccarthy has spent years scaring parents out of giving their kids vaccines because she says the MMR vaccine, which... read more

Katherine Heigl is glamourous

Hollywood sex symbol Katherine Heigl ran some errands around West LA yesterday, and I never realized how much she looks like a friend of mine. His name is Alex. This is how he dressed in 1998. He doesn't have that ridiculous haircut anymore or those freshly cut-off Duck... read more

It was all a terrifying joke

Yesterday Jim Carrey posted a perplexing video on youtube professing his love for Emma Stone, whom he has never met and who really isn't that great. But not to worry, because later he went on his twitter and explained it was all a joke. Ha-ha? Yes, my msg to Emma Stone... read more

um, hey there Madonnas daughter

The last time we saw 53-year-old Madonna with her 24-year-old boyfriend Brahim Zaibat, it was mentioned that he reportedly gets along well with her kids. At the time I had no idea that her daughter Lourdes, who is 15 now, woke up one day with those awesome tits. So now... read more

Lady Gaga is into bondage

According to the biography that Lady Gaga is following step by step, Madonna posed for some scandalous naked bondage pictures at about this point in her career. "Well then that's exactly what I'll do," Gaga proclaimed after realizing she doesn't have an original thought... read more

Courteney Cox doesnt need make up

Courteney Cox went out with no make up on last night in West Hollywood, and I bet she'd be really flattered to know that even after all these years, I would still do it with her, make up or not. It would be my honor. If she could put some on when she met my friends... read more

Alec Baldwin has finally found love

Alec Baldwin and Hilaria Thomas must be Hollywoods most unlikely couple. He's 53 after all, so you would think he wouldn't be interested in a 27 year old yoga instructor. What could they have in common? What would they talk about? But he's overlooked all that and recent... read more

Rihanna is ready to swim

Rihanna put on the orangest life jacket money can buy today to go snorkeling off the coast of Portofino, Italy, and see the Christ of the Abyss. And also to reinforce every single stereotype about black people and swimming. Are you sure you have enough stuff on, Ri?... read more