Kate Bosworth went topless

By brendon April 11, 2011 @ 10:48 AM

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Please believe me when I tell you that I’m not screwing with you. This really happened. Kate Bosworth was in Cancun this weekend, she walked out of the ocean topless, then walked across the beach topless, then walked back into the ocean topless, and there’s no pictures of her boobs. None.

How is that… how does… I… what the hell? Seriously. How? Why?

There’s 8 million pictures of bigfoot and that mother fucker doesn’t even exist, yet Kate Bosworth saunters around essentially naked on a public beach in front of a photographer and we don’t get to see it. I don’t know if I should be outraged or heart broken, all I know is that I can’t masturbate to either one of those.

(image source = splash news)

Kristen Bell in a bikini is riveting

By brendon April 11, 2011 @ 2:34 AM

Kristen Bell

Kristen Bell was in Miami this weekend, and sure you could skip these pictures, but when you have a flat chested generic blond who never changes her joyless expression in a frumpy bikini, why would you want to?

(image source = inf daily)

Charlie Sheen was boo’d off the stage again

By brendon April 11, 2011 @ 1:36 AM

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Charlie Sheen and his winning smile (see what I did there) were in New York this weekend to perform his captivating one man show, and depending on who you ask his show on Friday night was either horrible or completely horrible.

Entertainment Weekly says…

It was an aimless and slovenly disaster, with the crowd taking less than 20 minutes to turn on him. And once they did, the boos and the catcalls just kept slowly escalating.
His dribbled-out, half-baked ramblings try to be funny, but mostly they’re like setups without the punchlines.
I can testify that if he had actually tried to say something thoughtful or confessional or interesting, the crowd would have been with him. Instead, the first trickles of heckling, I’m not kidding, commenced within the opening five minutes.

He also did a show on Saturday which apparently went better, but based on that EW review “better” could honestly just mean he didn’t shit his pants.

(image source = inf daily and pacific coast)

Monday morning headlines

By brendon April 11, 2011 @ 12:01 AM

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SUPERMAN – will face off against General Zod in the reboot, to be played by the excellent Michael Shannon. So, brace yourself, but Lindsay was lying to make it seem as if she was in demand. Although really I think she should be the one playing Lois Lane. And Zod. And Superman. She’s that good. (thr)

YOUR HIGHNESS – bombed at the box office this weekend, making just $9.5 million and opening at number 6 despite starring Natalie Portman and James Franco. Hop was number one again ($21.6M), with Author second ($12.6M) and Hanna third ($12.3M). Experts said Your Highness was hurt by the fact that it looked fucking terrible. (la times)

MEL GIBSON – was replaced in Hangover 2 by Liam Neeson, who will now be replaced by Nick Cassavetes because the director wants reshoots and Neeson doesn’t have time. Re-casting and shooting new scenes 5 weeks before the movie opens is a good sign. It means the jokes will be fresh. (ew)

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO – was at the opening of the Marquee Dayclub in Vegas Saturday, and she wore this fantastic dress. It’s basically held together by nothing but optimism. (fame and wenn)

Mila Kunis is disgusted by Charlie Sheen

By brendon April 08, 2011 @ 3:56 PM

Mila Kunis

Mila Kunis is a 27 year old, well-liked and respected actress, the daughter of a physics teacher and a mechanical engineer, who dated the same guy for the past 9 years (though they broke up in January).

Charlie Sheen is a 45-year-old degenerate drug addict with a history of violence against women and who will fuck literally anything.

Now try and guess what her reaction was when he announced that he wants to stalk her on facebook before he and his diseased girlfriends gang bang her.

“Obviously Charlie wanted to name someone who would create publicity for his tour, but the thought of it grosses Mila out,” a pal of the starlet tells us.

Well, it won’t be long before she regrets turning down this enticing offer. The next time she wants a haggard middle aged man to pull his scabby penis out of a strangers ass and then put it in her mouth, she’ll have no one to blame but herself.

(image source = bauer griffin and inf daily)

Thor and Elsa Pataky went to the pool

By brendon April 08, 2011 @ 3:15 PM

Elsa Pataky

Thor star Chris Hemsworth and his wife Elsa Pataky, who was in Snakes on a Plane and will be in Fast Five this summer, hung out by the pool in Miami earlier today, and I really would have assumed she would look better than this. When she goes out she normally looks hot. Now I don’t feel so bad for calling her a cunt behind her back.

(image source = inf daily)

dont you dare give Amanda Seyfried a parking ticket

By brendon April 08, 2011 @ 1:59 PM

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Amanda Seyfried is right on the verge of being a big star, so if you even think of putting a parking ticket on her car as if she wasn’t a big star, you can fuck off.

And that’s exactly what happened last night in London after the premiere of Red Riding Hood. So she threw it back at the cop and said, “Thank you, but no thank you.” Then the cop locked her in one of those blank iron masks like they used to use in the Tower of London. Oh wait never mind. I forgot, she always looks like that.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Katrina Bowden is the Sexiest Woman Alive

By brendon April 08, 2011 @ 12:47 PM

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The mincing queens over at Esquire magazine have announced, prissily no doubt, that 30 Rock star Katrina Bowden (the granddaughter of legendary Florida State football coach Bobby Bowden) is your 2011 Sexiest Woman Alive. I guess they do this twice a year now. With a The and a Your.

Katrina is obviously pretty (though she doesn’t have big tits so she’s dead to me), so whatever, I can see how she won, but what sucks is that Esquire doesn’t have the article about her up yet. Those closeted dorks always find new ways of describing hot girls with disturbingly queer and antiquated phrases, like in this one with Mary Louise Parker, or to be outright weird, like this one with Christina Hendricks. This magazine is so gay they might as well just end every article by writing, “toodles!”

(i made up that florida state thing, btw. that would have been neat though.)