Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini is sort of ok

By brendon July 11, 2011 @ 10:31 AM

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Gwyneth Paltrow is a completely horrible person, I don’t think anyone has come here today to dispute that, but she looks ok in a bikini considering she’s 38 with two kids. Which is probably the nicest thing I’ll ever say about her.

Here she is with her kids over the weekend in Porto Cervo, Italy, along with Steven Spielberg, whom she also spends every Thanksgiving with because he’s been a friend of her family forever and is even her godfather. He of course also gave her her first role in a movie, playing Wendy in ‘Hook’. So keep this in mind the next time you hear Paltrow telling you how hard she’s had to work to get where she is in life. She was born into an incredibly rich family, the daughter of a very successful actress and a very successful producer, then handed every opportunity to succeed at a very easy job that made her even more rich. And instead of being grateful for this, she pretends like it never happened and lectures everyone about why they’re not as wonderful as she is. As God as my witness, if I was ever alone with her in an elevator, there’s at least a 5 percent chance I would punch her in the face.

(image source = fame)

I was surprised too, Megan Fox

By brendon July 08, 2011 @ 5:32 PM

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I wasn’t aware there was a rumor like this, but Megan Fox went on her facebook page last night and posted 4 pictures showing her furrowing her brow and pointing out lines in her face to dispute the rumor that she’s had botox. In fact she still denies she’s had any work done (despite the fact that she looks nothing like she did 10 years ago). So I guess the secret to proving that rumors are false are to make up ones that you can easily disprove. Like the one about Megan that claims I won’t love her all night long, baby.

no one likes Jennifer Aniston

By brendon July 08, 2011 @ 4:44 PM

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‘Friends’ went on the air in 1994, which means that Jennifer Aniston has been a big star for 17 years now, so it’s no surprise that a parade of Hollywood royalty packed the stage yesterday when Aniston was honored with a handprint ceremony at the famous Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood.

From Chelsea Handler to Jason Bateman, it was a cavalcade of her friends and co-stars spanning almost two decades in show business!

(NOTE: actually it was just Chelsea Handler and Jason Bateman, who co-stars with Aniston in ‘Horrible Bosses’, which opens today. Oh and her newly shaven boyfriend Justin Theroux was there. And universally despised director Brett Ratner, who is a producer for ‘Horrible Bosses’. But no Courteney Cox or anyone from ‘Friends’, or Jim Carey or Adam Sandler or anyone like that. Maybe they didn’t go because they assumed they’d have to carry her just like they did when they worked together, and cement is really heavy.)

Michelle Rodriguez has a sexy new boyfriend

By brendon July 08, 2011 @ 3:32 PM

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Even though everyone has always assumed Michelle Rodriguez is gay, she’s spent the past few days off the Italian coast snuggling up to Italian entrepreneur Gianluca Vacchi. So either she wasn’t really gay, or girls who think they’re gay aren’t really gay and just need a sexy hunk in a speedo who can give it to a girl right. That’s also the title of my eharmony profile, by the way. Call me, ladies!

(image source = inf and fame)

Kylie Jenner helps set a new low

By brendon July 08, 2011 @ 2:08 PM

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Kendall Jenner wasn’t alone when she put on a bikini and went to the beach to take some pictures for the paparazzi. Her 13-year-old sister Kylie was there too. Having 2 posts in a row that are Pedo Bear approved is pretty rare, but so are parents who broker pictures of their children tarted up like whores.

(image source = pacific coast)

Kendall Jenner is keeping up nicely

By brendon July 08, 2011 @ 1:40 PM

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If you don’t remember who Kendall Jenner is, here’s a few hints:

1. She’s 15 yet on a reality show and here we see her in bikini pictures she took in an exclusive deal with a paparazzi agency.
2. She has a muscular black boyfriend.

That second one probably gave it away but yes, she’s a Kardashian. If you’re wondering why she looks nothing like Kim Kardashian, it’s because they have different fathers. If you’re wondering why Khloe Kardashian looks nothing like Kim Kardashian, it’s because her mom apparently doesn’t feel like telling the truth about that yet.

(image source = pacific coast)

you have got to be gd kidding me

By brendon July 07, 2011 @ 6:53 PM

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Jessica Simpson announced her new fragrance today, a perfume called ‘I Fancy You.’ You read that right by the way. ‘I Fancy You’. Her perfume is called ‘I Fancy You’. Because nothing gets a guy hotter than hundred year old phrases his grandmother used. I also like my girlfriend to wear a white wig and bifocals and a sweater with a Christmas tree on it, and when I fuck her in the ass she looks over her shoulder at me and yells, “you kids get outa there!” Finally, a perfume for me!

Megan Fox is box office gold

By brendon July 07, 2011 @ 4:55 PM

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‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’, has been out for 8 full days now, and it’s still doing incredible business, unless of course you compare it to ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’. At this point, ‘Fallen’ had made $239 million at the box office, while ‘Dark of the Moon’ now sits at $198. That’s a drop of around $41 million.

It would be overly simplistic to say this is all because Megan Fox was replaced by Rosie Huntington Whitely, but complicated theories are for fags, so that’s what I’m going to say.

Not only is Fox (seen here in her brand new Armani campaign) a thousand times hotter than Whitely, but now we’re expected to believe Sam Witwicky has dated two international supermodels in a row, which is somehow the dumbest premise even in a movie about fights between shape-shifting robots from outer space.