Why is she all slimy

By brendon June 05, 2009 @ 8:10 AM

God only knows why Gwyneth Paltrows legs we’re so shiny last night on the Tonight Show, but hopefully it’s because someone sold her some motor oil for $50,000. See, right here, Ms. Paltrow, it will improve your viscosity up to 20 percent. Paltrow has no idea what motor oil is so she’d recognized just enough of what she was hearing to think it was a big deal.

Finally, just Kendra

By brendon June 05, 2009 @ 6:59 AM

I don’t know if you knew this or not, but Kendra Wilkinson has a new show on E! that premieres this Sunday. Which is good news because she was always the best thing about “The Girls Next Door”. She was constantly naked and confused. I’m pretty sure you can even see her naked ass on the promo. A good-hearted, easily-befuddled hot naked girl makes for surprisingly compelling television. Watch the video

Lindsay is getting desperate

By brendon June 05, 2009 @ 6:17 AM

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Lindsay Lohan has been seen leaving ex-girlfriend Samantha Robson house a few times since they broke up last month, but they’ve never actually been seen together.   Apparently because Sam is faster than she looks.  The two are in London this week, or should I say Sam is London to work and Lindsay is in town because she’s crazy.  The Daily Mail says…

The actress spent last night shadowing her ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson around town after following her to London this week.
After a quick visit to Crystal nightclub in Oxford Street, the Mean Girls star stopped in at Bungalow 8 where the DJ just happened to be partying with her brother Mark Ronson and his girlfriend Josephine de La Baume.
Samantha, accompanied by her crew, made a sharp exit just minutes after Lindsay’s arrival and returned to her hotel.

Lindsay does have some party to host this week, and she arranged for Lauren Pope (the girl in the pictures) to DJ the event. Where is she getting her ideas to make the ex jealous, Olsen Twin movies?  Hiring an attractive replacement is step 1.  I guess step 2 will be to fake her own kidnapping, which means three days after Lindsay sends Sam the ransom video we’ll see Lindsay hopping up to Sams house with a red bandana loosely pulled across her mouth and her hands and feet wrapped in rope several times .  “It’s okay Sam, I escaped.  Oh my God you must have worried to death!”

Aw that was so close

By brendon June 04, 2009 @ 2:31 PM

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Halle Berry was caught filming a Revlon commercial earlier today in Los Angeles, although as she adjusted her tits and pulled at her top, it almost went from “Ad for Makeup” to “Worlds Most Watched Video”. If anyone mashed together video of Halles tits and Keyboard Cat, they’d completely break the internet.

(image source = fame. hq jump = here)

“with a cord around his genitals”

By brendon June 04, 2009 @ 12:05 PM

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When the news first broke that David Carradine was found dead, hanging from a closet in a hotel in Bangkok, the BBC was the first to suggest that his death was the result of autoerotic asphyxiation.  The second paragraph of their original article said…

Thai police told the BBC the 72-year-old was found naked by a hotel maid in a wardrobe with a cord around his neck and genitals.

“Genitals” (editors note – *teehee*) was later changed to “other parts of his body.”  But now TMZ says a rep for Carradine is officially calling the death “accidental.”

Carradine’s body was found nude, hanging in a closet. David’s rep added, “We can confirm 100% that he never would have committed suicide. It was an accidental death. Everybody is in shock.”

Well, if he was hanging, and it wasn’t suicide, and he wasn’t in Mike Tysons playroom with it’s tentacle-like treadmill chords, and he wasn’t fighting Bruce Willis on a stairwell, that pretty much leaves jacking off.  At best.  At worst he was with some whores.  Although that sounds pretty cool too.  His penis died while exotic ladies strung him up with ropes.  His penis was like Indiana Jones.

Kids really are idiots

By brendon June 04, 2009 @ 10:43 AM

Maybe if you have kids, stuff like this video that Britney put up about 30 minutes ago, showing her two boys “dancing” to one of her songs is cute.  But if you hate kids like I do it’s just more proof that kids are complete idiots.  As a kid you’re stupid, as half-Federline, these two are practically retarded.  That’s not good dancing.  This is probably exactly what Kevin was doing at that age and everyone said aww how cute.  Peopel encouraged him.  Well, who’s sorry now?  Who’s sorry now.

Bruno is being sued. Again.

By brendon June 04, 2009 @ 8:07 AM

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Sacha Baron Cohen is being sued once again, this time by a woman named Richelle Olson who claims she was severely injured during an altercation with Cohen at a bingo hall during the filming of “Bruno”.  She says she now needs a wheelchair or cane to move around as a result. MSNBC says…

According to the lawsuit, Baron Cohen started using vulgarities while calling the second bingo game in front of a mostly elderly audience.
A struggle ensued after Olson tried to grab the microphone away from Baron Cohen. She claims he then called his camera crew over, who attacked her for at least a minute, hoping to “create a dramatic emotional response.
Olson’s suit states she ran from the stage and was found moments later by a co-worker, sobbing uncontrollably. She then fell to the floor, hitting her head on a concrete slab.

Wait, what?

Olson’s suit states she ran from the stage and was found moments later by a co-worker, sobbing uncontrollably. She then fell to the floor, hitting her head on a concrete slab.

Wait.  Seriously?  So she fell down later.  When Cohen was somewhere else.  And she’s suing for that?  What’s the window on that kind of thing because George Clooney held a door open for me in 2004 but the door kind of hit me a little and then last week I spilled hot coffee on my groin. Because I was driving, I could do little as my groin became very uncomfortable and the scalding hot liquid soaked through the groin area of my pants, all the way to my groin. Would I have done that if I hadn’t been attacked by Clooney? Is he above the law?  That’s for a jury to decide.

Eva Longoria is up to something

By brendon June 04, 2009 @ 7:29 AM

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I don’t know what Eva Longoria was doing in St Tropez yesterday, but it was clearly something nefarious. It doesn’t take a master detective to figure out that a yacht named “Pure White” was paid for with cocaine.

(hq jump = here)