SIENNA MILLER IS A HOMEWRECKER

By brendon August 07, 2008 @ 7:17 AM

The New York Post has a gushing love letter to Sienna Miller today, but her hometown paper isn’t quite so kind.  The Sun UK says…

The actress has had liaisons with millionaire BALTHAZAR GETTY at the Chateau Marmont hotel — less than two miles from his pad in the Hollywood Hills.
It contradicts claims the actor, 33 — heir to a 25billion oil fortune — has dumped Sienna and begged wife Rosetta, mother of his four kids, to take him back.
Sienna, 26, was spotted leaving the Chateau at 4pm on Tuesday. Getty’s car remained inside the hotel garage.
Sources said before leaving the hotel, Sienna appeared nervous and upset — and was arguing on her mobile.
One said: “She looked ragged. Her hair was a mess and she was chain-smoking.  She was arguing on the phone, talking about her and Balthazar being caught together in Italy.”
Another source added: “Rosetta has a lot of friends in Hollywood. People are turning their backs on Sienna because of this.”

Sienna has a unique talent for never ever doing anything right.  Like if she were pulling of a parking spot, she’d drive forward instead of backwards, hit a car, then hit the gas, then hit the gas harder, then wedge her bumper onto the other car, then finally put her car in reverse but only as the other driver was getting out, causing their car to bounce and hit the driver in the head with the door, then she’d turn her lights and blind him, then go forward again and pin him to the bumper, then she’d open the hood and smack him under the chin.  This would take about 35 seconds.

THE LEDGER CASE IS CLOSED

By brendon August 07, 2008 @ 6:04 AM

The U.S. Attorney's Office has officially closed its investigation into the death of Heath Ledger.  He died on January 22nd of this year after an accidental overdose of prescription drugs for pain, anxiety and sleep.  Despite rumors to the contrary all week, Mary Kate Olsen (who was the first person called when Ledgers body was found, even before 911) was not forced to testify and no charges will be filed against her.  It may seem weird that a relatively simple investigation took almost 8 months to conclude.  And it may seem weird because it is. TMZ says:

Sources connected with the Heath Ledger investigation say the Drug Enforcement Administration set a new low for starfucking.
People who have talked to TMZ off the record are now willing to go on record — still anonymously — about one of the most bizarre DEA power grabs ever.
How's this for starters … no one we've spoken with connected with the case can point to a single DEA case where a massive investigation was launched over an accidental death in which no criminality was even hinted at.
We know the DEA went all over the country, in one case tracking down a guy in California who smoked a joint with Ledger in the '90's, telling him he had to testify in a Grand Jury probe. And how's this for chutzpah … the DEA told the guy he would have to pay his own way to NYC to testify before the Grand Jury!
As for the U.S. Attorney's office, were told officials they were appalled at what they felt was a "bogus" investigation. Our sources say the U.S. Attorney finally had enough and shut down the entire investigation — an investigation the DEA desperately wanted to go before a grand jury.

I can’t believe our jackass government took this long to investigate this.  Thank god Ledger wasn’t shot. They would have spent 100 million dollars and then said it turns out he wasn’t bulletproof.

TODAY WAS COOL

By brendon August 06, 2008 @ 2:27 PM

This morning it was cool because we woke up to pictures of Cindy Crawford topless on a yacht.  Now we have pictures of Heidi Klum topless on a yacht.  Somene needs to get Kathy Ireland onto a yacht immediately. 

(way more of these on splash)



U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!

By brendon August 06, 2008 @ 10:31 AM

The Olympics have now officially begun (Norway beat the US 2-0 in women’s soccer this morning) and so in the spirit of that, PETA has unveiled a new ad campaign featuring Olympic swimmer Amanda Beard naked (full pic here).  Although I don’t know why everyone goes so crazy over her.  Hurdler Lolo Jones from LSU is way hotter.  Swimmer Natalie Coughlin is a hot piece too.  I think a good way to determine who the sexiest one is would be something called the Blowjob Olympics.  It’s a lot like the regular Olympics, except this has me getting tons of oral sex.

KEVIN SMITH > THE MPAA

By brendon August 06, 2008 @ 9:47 AM

Kevin Smith won his appeal today to lower the rating for his comedy "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" from NC-17 to an R.  Yahoo says…

"We didn't set out to make an NC-17 film. That's just commercial suicide," Smith told The Associated Press.
The NC-17 rating would have prohibited anyone younger than 17 from seeing it. With an R rating, those under 17 can see it in the company of an adult.
"Zack and Miri," due out Oct. 31 from the Weinstein Co., stars Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks as best friends and roommates who try to make a homemade porn flick to dig themselves out of debt.
Smith said the MPAA ratings board objected to two sex scenes involving co-stars Jason Mewes and Katie Morgan. After the movie's initial NC-17 rating, Smith said he trimmed those scenes as far as he was willing to go but was unable to convince the board to lower the rating.
"They felt it was rather sexually graphic. My point is, it was comically graphic. All the sex in the movie with the exception of one scene is very cartoonish, very campy," Smith said. "It wasn't designed to titillate."

The MPAA is such a fucking sham.  If those people had any conscience, they’d kill themselves, they somehow come back from the dead and kill themselves again.  They hold filmmakers hostage until they abide by rules that don’t exist.  The MPAA has no set  rules, they just tell you later if you broke them.  "Hostel 2" has a scene where a naked teenage girl is suspended upside down over a huge bath, then a naked woman lays underneath her and slits her throat with a sickle, then bathes in her blood.  That was rated R.  But Jason Mewes humps a girl and that gets an X.  Ok actually I hadn’t pictured that until just now.  I think that actually might be worse.

CINDY CRAWFORD IS THE WINNER

By brendon August 06, 2008 @ 6:10 AM

Cindy Crawford is still lounging around the French Riviera, as she has been all week, and yesterday she did the unthinkably awesome and laid out topless on her giant chartered yacht.  Thankfully her kids don’t appear to be with her on this vacation.  Little kids on boats are supposed to be giggling at dolphins and throwing breadcrumbs to seagulls, not ducking under the captain’s erection.

(picture source = splash news, more from this set over here)

THIS SEEMS UNLIKELY

By brendon August 06, 2008 @ 5:38 AM

The Telegraph UK among others are reporting today that Britney Spears has been cast as a stripper in an upcoming Quentin Tarantino movie.  I’ll spare you the details for now, but this is maybe the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.

The singer was apparently chosen by the Pulp Fiction director to play dancer Varla in a remake of the 1965 cult film Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
The movie sees three thrill-seeking strippers encountering a young couple in the desert.
Spears' character murders the boyfriend with her bare hands before taking the girlfriend hostage. The troubled singer will also have sex scenes with another girl before the drama ends in a blood-bath.
A source said: "Quentin is convinced Britney will be brilliant. She's delighted. She thinks it could turn her career around.
"It is perfect Tarantino material. He wanted to get Britney first. She's playing the most important character."

Okay, 1: this is not even the movie he’s working on right now.  He’s working on "Inglorious Bastards", which really is into the casting phase (Eli Roth is the first official cast member).  2.  Don’t think we’ve forgotten the epic fail the last time Britney played a stripper (relive the magic here).  It did not go well.  There’s nothing stripper-like about this chick anymore.  She moves on stage like a bear let loose on a campsite.

ANDERSON COOPER FTW

By brendon August 05, 2008 @ 6:04 PM

Anderson Cooper was guest host this morning on "Regis and Kelly" and during a conversation about reality TV, he took a pretty awesome shot at Dina and Ali Lohan. He said:

"Allegedly a 14-year-old girl, looks to be about 60… I say that with concern and love. She allegedly wants to be a singer and or actor-slash-performer of some sort, striptease person, i don't know."

Hahahahaha, you suck Ali.  But of course Dina had to comment when asked about it by OK:

"People are just cruel!  This is bad karma for him."

Ohh.  Zing.  Good one.  You know OK was stifling their laughter when they asked Dina the question.  You might as well ask a catfish a question.  Because of course Anderson is right.  This entire family sucks.  They should be flattered he even knows who they are.  The next time he mentions her it will be because the Jonas Brothers ignore her at a party and then she has one of her "accidents" with a razor.