DID ALI GET IMPLANTS

By brendon August 14, 2008 @ 5:57 AM

Lindsay Lohan is all pissy today because of rumors that her 14-year-old sister Ali got breast implants.  This is not to be confused with the outrage the Lohans felt when Lindsay was rumored to be in a gay relationship with Sam Ronson, or that Lindsay had a coke habit, or that Lindsay was in rehab.  This is different.  People magazine says…

The 22-year-old actress took to her blog Thursday to slam online speculation that her little sis may have undergone breast augmentation. In fact, Lindsay said she was confronted by a photographer who yelled, "What do you have to say about people commenting on your sister's implants?"
"It made me feel a bit sick to my stomach," Lindsay wrote on her MySpace Celebrity Blog.
The actress – who's preparing for her recurring role on Ugly Betty – said she's "not judging" people who do have cosmetic surgery.
"But all in all my mother taught us to appreciate what we have been given," she wrote. "Nor would she ever encourage, or allow a 14-year-old child to alter her body."

Whatever.  Ali did that shit.  Dina Lohan would get her kids glow-in-the-dark tentacles if she thought it would get them a Vanity Fair cover.  (picture source = splash news)

THE NEW EDITOR IS DOING GREAT

By brendon August 14, 2008 @ 5:45 AM

I’m not gonna lie to you, some of College Humors original videos are boring.  But some are funny.  This one is funny.  Just look at that hat!  It’s way bigger than a regular hat!  We’re already off to a good start.

WHAT IN THE HELL

By brendon August 13, 2008 @ 3:37 PM

Why can't the press just leave me and Audrina alone?  Can't we just tan and relax?  We don’t have to explain our love to you!  (more and the explanation on her site)

MADONNA WANTS TO BUY MORE KIDS

By brendon August 13, 2008 @ 10:53 AM

The Sun UK has pictures today of a little girl who will reportedly be adopted by Madonna in the next few days.   The little girls name is Mercy James.  She is three years old and she lives in Malawi, the same country as Madonna’s adopted son, Davie  (this is her. on the left).  The Sun says…

Malawian adoption minister Penstone Kilembe said: “Madonna’s representatives have been visiting the girl. The adoption is now advanced — all the government is waiting for is Madonna to forward the petition of adoption formalities.
 “Then Mercy will be able to leave the country for a new life.”
However, the girl’s gran Lucy Chekechiwa, 60, said she has been asked repeatedly by officials if Mercy could be adopted by an “unidentified foreign family” — but was firmly against it.
Speaking from her village in Zomba District, Lucy said: “Twice I have told the adoption people that I do not want Mercy to go outside the country.  But they keep on at us. Now they say that Mercy will be leaving us, but can return at age 18.”

Well no kidding she's against it.  Just look at Madonna.  I don’t know anything about Malawi but I bet they have legends about monsters stealing their babies, and I bet those monsters are white and rich and veiny.  Madonna might as well wear a lion’s head and walk on all fours in the dead of night, announcing her intentions with a haunting cry that cuts through the darkness, when she comes to take their babies.  But of course she should take their babies.  As many as she can.  Madonna might be an egomaniac but Africa sucks ass.  Unless you’re ranking places by their alien-like diseases and genocidal madmen, in which case Africa is number 1.  This kid will be much better off in Madonna’s London mansion, with access to the best of everything.  Fuck, she could take their President and he’d be better off too.



“ANTM” HAS GONE TRANNY. MORE SO.

By brendon August 13, 2008 @ 9:03 AM

Us magazine has confirmed the rumors that this season of Americas Next Top Model will feature a transgender contestant.   Oh that’s right baby.  One of the 14 girls is a guy, pretending to be a girl.  Us says…

"My cards were dealt differently," Isis, a 22-year-old former receptionist, tells Us Weekly exclusively in its new issue, on newsstands now.
Hailing from Prince George's County, Maryland, Isis identifies herself as "a woman born physically male."
Will she be a role model?
"I like to help people, but I'm here to follow my dreams," she tells Us.
The inclusion of Isis is being hailed by GLAAD president Neil Giuliano as "an unprecedented opportunity for a community that is underrepresented on television.
"We applaud Tyra Banks and The CW for making this historic visibility of transgender people possible," Giuliano said.

Whatever.  This dude needs therapy, not a modeling contract.  Thinking you’re a woman is no different than thinking your Jesus or a vampire.  Knock it off jackass.  Or at least don’t expect me to play along with your creepy fantasy.  The voices in your head can address you as whatever they want, but I feel no obligation to abide by titles given to you by your insane delusions.

AMERICANS KICKS ASS

By brendon August 13, 2008 @ 8:50 AM

Gymnast Alicia Sacramone, who last night helped the US to the silver medal against the cheating Chinese, is famous today for a whole new reason: video of her knocking some dude the F out while at a party at Brown University. She should do this to the Chinese too. Or maybe not. Maybe it's bad enough they have to wear those bight red and yellow uniforms. I saw one dude who had spiky blond hair. He looked like a large order of McDonalds french fries. So suck on that, China. 

MARIAH CAREY FORGOT SOMETHING

By brendon August 13, 2008 @ 8:15 AM

Since the dawn of time, man has yearned too see Mariah Careys giant breasts, and now, thanks to the miracle of photography and her time on a Snoop video, we're as close as we have ever been.  What an age is this, where new miracles happen everyday.

(more pictures over here)

PARIS HILTON GOT SUED. AGAIN.

By brendon August 13, 2008 @ 6:48 AM

In 2006, Paris Hilton starred in a movie called "National Lampoon's Pledge This!"  It currently ranks as the 15th worst movie of all time on IMDb.  If you somehow never even heard of this POS, you’re not alone, and now the producers are suing Hilton because of that fact.  OK magazine says…

Worldwide Entertainment Group, the company behind the movie, is suing the celebutante for $75,000 because they claim she did not fulfill the "reasonable promotion and publicity" part of her agreement. The hotel heiress, who recently starred in the similarly dismal The Hottie & the Nottie, was paid $1 million to appear in and "executive produce" it — not a bad deal considering the film barely managed to gross that much in global ticket sales and never even had a U.S. release.

I hope the producers lose because they deserve it for even hiring Paris Hilton.  If you’re dumb enough to work with her you deserve what you get.  Oh, gee, she fucked everything up, no way.  That is truly shocking.  That she showed up at all is the miracle of our times.  Her doing press afterwards would have been an achievement on par with the harnessing of fire.