wrestlemania was huge

By brendon April 06, 2009 @ 12:38 PM

It kills me that I forgot Wrestlemania 25 was last night, but I can be declared legally dead in most states if I get even a molecule sicker (which is why I suck worse than normal today).  I totally would have watched that shit, and will probably watch a replay tonight.  As you can see big stars were there like Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls and Mickey Rourke even stormed the ring to save Rick Flair from Chris Jericho.  Rourke was able to win because he was in a wresting themed movie, and also because he disguised himself as a Chinese gold prospector from 1850.  It was the biggest moment of the night, some people might be saying if I knew where to look up that kind of thing.

But the real star was Nicole and her big awesome rack.  God damn she is just fantastic.  And I bet it’s no coincidence that the microphone at her press conference was practically laid between her tits.  Hey, hey, I got something I wouldn’t mind laying right there, if you know what I'm sayin.  If you know what I mean.  It’s a digital tape recorder, so if something were to happen to my notes I could accurately transcribe what was said during the Q and A sessions.  

(image source = getty and splash)

lindsay is on top of the world

By brendon April 06, 2009 @ 9:58 AM

Lindsay of course had another huge fight with her lady friend Sam Ronsom this weekend, and X17 had footage of a locksmith changing the locks of Sams door, but according to a love letter this morning on E! online, everything is fine, Lindsay is awesome, she’s a fantastic influence on Sam, but everyone is out to get her anyway.

Despite photos and video circulating online of the locks being changed at the home Ronson shares with Lohan, sources close to the actress insist that as of Sunday the couple had not broken up.
Instead, the pair have been fighting over pressure from Ronson's friends and family.
"They make Lindsay out to Sam to be an outcast and a bully, or a wacko."
"She's in love with Samantha and cries every day over some 'friend' of Sam's who tells her lies to get her to not trust or love her."
"Lindsay's the one who reminds Samantha to eat, makes sure she rests, goes to the doctor, gets massages for her arthritis, packs her bag with her Sudafed when she travels, encourages her to write and sing, and tells her every day how beautiful she really is."

Um, very obviously Lindsay was the “source” for this, either on the phone directly or next to Alley and gesturing wildly so she says the right thing.  There has to be some way to force Lindsay to leak stuff like this in person.  Because she's way too GD dumb to get around that.  Lindsay would get on Allys shoulders and put on a top hat and handlebar mustache and a really tall trench coat because they would be 11 feet tall, then wobble up to the reporter with a fake deep voice.  “Good day young man, greetings to you, my name is Mr. … (long pause) … Jones, and I would like to tell you some stories about that delightful young lady, Lindsay Lohan, who I know very well, so, ya know, I don't even, I mean it's crazy ya know, all this, it's fuckin bullshit people are saying about her which is all fucking lies.  She doesn’t drink or nothin.”

size 2 is a natural beauty

By brendon April 06, 2009 @ 7:00 AM

Jennifer Love Hewitt was hot for like 15 minutes, 10 years ago, yet she’s still famous.  Her entire career is based on how she looked when she was 16.  WTF?  I know she used to be amazing, but I had an amazing sandwich 10 years ago too.  And if someone said, how would you like the other half of that amazing sandwich?  I would say, the meatball sandwich?  From 2002?  And they said, yes!  I would say, Naw I'm good.  I found a new sandwich.  And it's got 90 percent less fat.

victoria won the bikini contest

By brendon April 06, 2009 @ 6:00 AM

What’s it called when someone makes a loose fist and draws eyes and a mouth on the side by their thumb and puts a wig on their knuckles and then moves their thumb up and down to look like it’s talking?  Because Victoria looks like that in this one.  It kind of ruined the whole set for me.  She’s still hot though.  I always heard she was a call girl basically.  And I don’t mean 15 years ago.  Now.  She’s super expensive but if the check clears you can hit it.  I don’t l know if that’s true or not, but for some reason it's easy to imagine.  Fun too.  That’s why I'm doing it right now. 

(image = victoria in miami filming her reality show, "my perfect life".  source = mavrix)

what in the hell

By brendon April 03, 2009 @ 2:47 PM

It’s hard to know what’s more uncomfortable; that Lady GaGa is trying to look sexy, or that god help me it’s sort of working.  Granted in these pictures from Boston three nights ago, or these semi NSFW pictures from NYC two nights ago, she’s mute, looking the other way and either showing off her ass or pretending to go down on another girl, but it’s still disappointing/embarrassing to be turned on in any way.  If I were gonna do anything with these, I’d board up the doors and windows like in a zombie attack movie, and even then I would wear a mask to hide my face, then throw my computer in the ocean when I was done and shave off my fingerprints for the rest of my life just in case someone found it. 

jessicas ass is photogenic

By brendon April 03, 2009 @ 1:00 PM

One of Jessica’s friends took some sexy pictures of her while she lay face down ass up, but these are the most blurry pictures yet from this little Mexico trip of hers, so your journey between her legs may have to take flight on the wings of imagination. 

(image sorce = flynet exclusives)

selena got hacked

By brendon April 03, 2009 @ 11:32 AM

Uncomfortably attractive Disney star Selena Gomez went on her twitter earlier today and said her Blackberry (are you fucking kidding me) was stolen yesterday while filming a movie in Puerto Rico.

Make no mistake, there is zero chance of anything scandalous coming from this, but there were two bikini pictures on there that have already leaked. Of course she’s like 11 or something, so there’s really no point in even teasing yourself by looking because you can’t even have sex with her for at least another year.

mel b must work out or something

By brendon April 03, 2009 @ 9:54 AM

Along with Kelly Monaco, Mel B is the co-headliner of “Peep Show”, and I'm not sure if I’ve ever written anything nice about Mels body, but if so I need to write it again but this time in all caps and with a bunch of new profanity and exclamation marks.  The show is described like this:

Mel B plays the mistress of ceremonies, the Peep Diva.  Kelly Monaco will take the stage as Bo Peep, a timid girl who the Diva guides in her transformation into a confident, sensual woman.

I think I would like this show because in some ways I’m a lot like the Peep Diva.  Except instead of dancing to transform a timid young girl into a sensual woman, I just slip them a bunch of ecstasy.