damn you Halle Berry

By brendon September 21, 2010 @ 11:50 AM

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Halle Berry wore this slutty little outfit last week at some Ralph Lauren party, so last night, when she wore a see thru dress to celebrate whatever the hell Swarovski Elements is, I was hoping that she was turning into some kind of whore. Because whores are great.

Christina Hendricks is a natural beauty

By brendon September 20, 2010 @ 5:35 PM

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Christina Hendricks was out running some errands yesterday in Beverly Hills, perhaps shopping for more of the unicorn blood she drinks as part of the spell that transforms her into a hot girl before filming her scenes on ‘Mad Men’.

Katy Perry and Rihanna had a pool party

By brendon September 20, 2010 @ 4:52 PM

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Katy Perry and Rihanna were in Vegas this weekend for Katys bachelorette party, including some time in the pool at the Hard Rock. Though to be honest these pictures suck. No one has any of Katy walking to and from the pool. Just her sitting there, with her big jugs blocked by some dork. How can there not be any pictures of her walking? Did she tunnel her way to the pool? What about when she left? Is she still there? This is complete bullshit.

Lindsay Lohans probation has been revoked, warrant issued

By brendon September 20, 2010 @ 3:51 PM

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As previously implied by the headline, Lindsay Lohan’s probation was revoked today and a bench warrant was issued for her arrest after she failed at least one drug test last week. Us magazine says the warrant will be held until 8:30 a.m. Friday, when she is due to appear in court.

The real question now is, how fukced is she? Because on top of the one drug test for coke, TMZ says…

Lindsay failed two drug tests — One for cocaine, and now we know the second was for amphetamines.
We do not know which test came first — the cocaine or the amphetamine.  But we’re told both tests were taken close together.

What it doesn’t say is what kind of amphetamines. Is it Adderall, which she has a prescription for, or is she on meth now too? “Amphetamines” is one of those buzz words people like to throw around to scare everyone. Sort of like how, I think being Diora Bairds secret admirer is kind of sweet, but it makes a “sexual predator” if you let her smart ass lawyer tell the story.

Lindsay Lohan is in AA now, has totally changed

By brendon September 20, 2010 @ 2:41 PM

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It was very shocking when Lindsay Lohan admitted to failing a drug test late Friday afternoon, reportedly for cocaine, just three weeks after leaving rehab. Almost as shocking as when she did coke 20 days after leaving a rehab in 2007.

But shocking gets shockinger because this time her friends are saying she’s really changed, and the way she took responsibility for her actions in her twitter confession proves it.

Not only that, but Lindsay has been to AA meetings for the past three days while she waits to see if she’ll be called into court for violating her probation.

As long as you ignore when she entered Cirque Lodge in Utah while awaiting charges on her second DUI, or how she entered Pickford Lofts right before her sentencing in July, you have to admit that’s a big step in the right direction. TMZ says…

Lindsay’s close pals say she is “beating herself up over this” — this being two failed drug tests, including one for cocaine. We’re told Lindsay “feels like she just ruined all these really great opportunities that were coming her way.”
Lindsay’s Twitter apology — where she said, among other things, ” I’m prepared to face the consequences” — “shocked” one friend who couldn’t believe Lindsay actually accepted responsibility and didn’t make excuses.

It’s just as likely that she wanted to confess to one failed test in hopes the cops don’t look any further and find more. She gets 30 days for each violation, maybe this will stop the investigation before it really starts. Or maybe I’m just jaded. It’s like that old saying, “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, and you can go fuck yourself. What is your deal, man.”

Vanessa Hudgens knows how to dress

By brendon September 20, 2010 @ 1:13 PM

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Vanessa Hudgens went to the premiere for ‘Legend of The Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole’ (if this is a real movie I will eat my fukcin hat because I have never heard of this thing) last night at the Chinese on Sunset, and as always she dressed completely awesome.

It’s not that she dresses slutty, but everything she wears could be taken off in like 2 seconds. You could walk in the house, turn around to close the door, turn back around and she’d be completely naked. She’d just stand there with that sexy little smirk of hers, not saying a word. My penis however would be saying, “ohmygodohmygodohmygod…”.

Paris Hilton avoids jail time on her cocaine charge

By brendon September 20, 2010 @ 11:20 AM

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When Paris Hilton was arrested with possession of cocaine in Las Vegas on August 27th, she faced up to a year in jail if convicted. And since she absolutely did it, going to court was not the greatest idea. So today she plead guilty in a deal that avoids all jail time.

Clark County District Attorney David Roger says Hilton has agreed to plead guilty Monday to drug possession and obstructing an officer…
Hilton will serve a year of unsupervised probation and complete a drug abuse program under the plea agreement.

People complain because drugs are illegal in this country, but from what I can tell they’re not. These Hollywood people get arrested all the time but no one ever goes to jail.

You know how sometimes you’ll see a list of weird old laws that are still on the books, like it’s illegal to get a horse drunk, or you can kill the Irish on Mondays or some shit like that? In Hollywood the drug laws are like that, except these have uglier mugshots.

Lindsay Lohan admits she failed a drug test on twitter

By brendon September 18, 2010 @ 2:59 AM

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Lindsay Lohan went on her twitter page late Friday night, around 10pm in LA, and admitted that she failed a drug test. Oh and also, Happy Birthday to the best mom ever!! Signed, Your Daughter Who Is On Her Way Back To Jail.

Lindsay writes…

Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result.

“I’ve even written ‘fuck u’ on my nails already…”

Substance abuse is a disease, which unfortunately doesn’t go away over night. I am working hard to overcome it and am taking positive steps.

She lied her way out of UCLA rehab on August 24th. On August 25th she was in a bar until 1am. USC fans must be laughing their ass off.

I am testing every single day and doing what I must do to prevent any mishaps in the future.

Are we still talking about Lindsay? Did I copy the wrong twitter?

This was certainly a setback for me…

Yes, you were on top of the world, weren’t you. Lindsay Lohan: the toast of Broadway!

but I am taking responsibility for my actions and I’m prepared to face the consequences.

“Just kidding, LOL! The Sheriff in LA is a complete pussy who kisses Hollywoods ass, and I stay in what is basically a studio apartment.”

I am so thankful for the support of my fans, loved ones and immediate family, who understand that i am trying hard,

That sentence began with a big group of people, and in 12 words she filtered it all the way down to Zero.

but also that I am a work in progress, just as anyone else.

Wait what? Hey fuck you rummy, don’t lump me in to this. I’m not the drug addict here, you are.

I am keeping my faith, and I am hopeful….Thank you all!!!

For what!!!!! No one likes you!!!!!