lindsay is still a menace

By brendon September 18, 2009 @ 5:33 PM

lindsay lohan 2 180909

Lindsay Lohan is back in LA today after spending some time in New York, because she can do more damage if she moves around a lot. Yesterday she was in the news for acting like a brat after deciding she didn’t like her seat at fashion show (more here) and now she’s a story because last night she was kicked out of her hotel. Cops were called because she was fighting with someone. Oh you’ll never guess who. The Sun UK says…

LINDSAY LOHAN has been kicked out of a New York hotel after a blazing row with lover SAMANTHA RONSON.
(Lindsay) launched “a room-service tray at what she thought was her girlfriend’s door”.
Trouble was, it was actually the door of an unsuspecting hotel guest
As a result, the Lindsay was chucked out of the swish establishment – and her family are apparently now desperate to send the volatile actress back to rehab.

But this is all a big joke to Lindsay, who got on her twitter page this afternoon and laughed off the rumor that she was possibly doing something responsible.

Hahahaha my publicist just called me & said she heard I was in a psych ward!!!! Hahaha WHAT IS WRONG with people???? I’m working lol
BUT that’s one I’ve NEVER heard about myself before! New ones r always interesting huh? There’s SO much more going on in the world! Wake up

It is true that she’s “working lol”. She has a small part in the new Robert Rodriguez movie based on the trailer he made for ‘Grindhouse’. To repeat, this movie is based on a throw-away idea for a movie that was supposed to be stupid and unpopular and was. And Lindsay isn’t even the star of that. Her character stars alongside Michelle Rodriguez and their only scene so far took place at a pool. Which sounds like Rodriguez filled this part of the cast with girls likely to get drunk and suggest a gangbang.

paula vs. ellen, round 1

By brendon September 18, 2009 @ 4:21 PM

Last night Paula Abdul channeled all her seething contempt for Ellen DeGeneres and opened the 2009 VH1 Divas concert by doing an impression of her. Meaning she dressed like a man and danced like she was smuggling something packed inside her anus. A better impression of Ellen would have been to have sex with Portia de Rossi, but only if we all went back to 1990 first. Point being, about an hour ago on twitter, Ellen condescendingly patted Paula on the head and told her to run along now.

Paula- you’re hilarious. You’ve left me some big shoes to fill…unfortunately I don’t wear high heels. Nothing but love for you too.

Yes it must be intimidating to have to follow Paula Abdul.  So much preparation must be involved, like knowing which way to point your chair during the show, and the ability to recognize your name when called upon.

thats what the police are for

By brendon September 18, 2009 @ 11:50 AM


Apparently the “L” and “A” in “LAPD” stands for “Luggage” and “Accessories” because when home-wrecking whore LeAnn Rimes called them to watch her bags as she packed them for a trip, they came running.

(LeAnn) called the police to her home to apparently guard her as she loaded her SVU with luggage. It’s almost certain residents of California would appreciate their tax dollars working toward keeping Ms. Rimes’ luggage out of harm’s way.

Is it any wonder why people laugh at the LAPD? I dare her to try something like this in New York. NYPD wouldn’t even stop the car or roll down the windows before they started shooting at her for wasting everyone’s time.

(hq jump here. story and picture source = fame)

detective freckles cracked the case

By brendon September 18, 2009 @ 11:14 AM

Audrina Patridge Shooting "The HIlls" In Hollywood

Nicholas Prugo, 18, was arrested Thursday morning, suspected of robbing the homes of Lindsay Lohan last month and Audrina Patridge back in February.

Lohan’s mother Dina tells PEOPLE, “Yes, we have found [him], God is good.”
Lohan’s Hollywood Hills home was burglarized last month by a young man and woman in which a safe was ripped out of the wall, and bags, shoes and jewelry were stolen.
In February, the apparent same pair broke into Patridge’s Los Angeles home and was caught on tape making off with several bags of her possessions.

Many people think Lindsay was very much a part of the break-in at her house, so it will be interesting to see what comes of this. Prugo was also involved when she was arrested for prostitution last year. Or maybe she wasn’t I don’t know. What am I, in the CIA or something. I can’t keep track of all this crap.

Besides who cares when Audrinas body is this ridiculous. I’m even over the eye thing. She could have eyes at the end of tentacles for all I care, LOOK AT THAT ASS. I would punch that kitty so hard sparks would be coming out of her. And then smoke. The fire marshal would have to come and give me a citation to get me off that ass.

(hq jump here. pictures of her throwing out the first pitch at a Dodgers game on 8.31 here. source = splash and wenn)

what did you do, ray

By brendon September 18, 2009 @ 9:39 AM


In theory a girl in a naked skintight catsuit should be hot, but Pink is so androgynous it’s hard to even know what her plan was two nights ago during a concert in Seattle. If she was trying to look sexy, she pretty much failed. However if her plan was to scare people into thinking she was Gozer the Gozerian, well then mission accomplished.

“Where do these stairs go?”
“They go up.”

what in the hell is that?

By brendon September 17, 2009 @ 7:15 PM


People freak out whenever I call babies ugly, as if the f*cking baby is gonna read this and get it’s feelings hurt, but I’m pretty sure the rule giving them immunity was made before … um … before whatever the hell that is was born. According to her website, it’s Katherine Heigl with her newly adopted “special needs” baby from Korea. According to things I learned in comic books, it’s clearly a super baby who one day will rob banks by walking through it’s walls as police bullets bounce harmlessly off it’s impenetrable folds of lumpy skin.

I don’t like kids anyway, and I especially hate babies, but I very much do like Asian girls, and most little Asian kids are absolutely god damn adorable, way cuter than little white kids who usually suck, but this. Yikes. Was this adoption agency reputable? Because it’s like someone shaved a shar pei and gave her that. And by the time Katherine figures it out the check will have cleared. “Ha-ha, I got you money, Round Eye!”, Korea will say.  “Dog baby you problem now, Woof-Woof!”

finally, her own talk show

By brendon September 17, 2009 @ 5:49 PM


Kate Gosselin experimented with a new hairstyle earlier this week, then quickly realized that was madness, so she and her mullet and her woeful cleavage all reunited today at the Southern Women’s Show in Charlotte, NC (the what?). Oh and there’s more exciting news for Kate and the quickly fading memory of her kids wherever they may be…

Kate will be shooting the pilot for her proposed new TV show this weekend.
Kate is teaming up with Paula Deen, the Southern cooking expert for a show that is planned to have a mix of advice, health and beauty tips and celebrity gossip.
…the show is based on the popular Web site Mom Logic.
…the plan is to have multiple hosts with Paula and Kate … comedian Sandra Bernhard and Tammy Lynn Michaels have both been considered for the job. Michaels is married to singer Melissa Etheridge.

This is gonna be a big hit. 75 percent of the hosts for the show based on “mom logic” only had kids because of scientific wizardry, 50 percent are gay, and 25 percent left her kids 3000 miles away so she could be on TV. And then there’s Paula Deen. This is gonna kill in the demographic of barren women who hate kids and maybe men but love cooking with tons of butter. It seems so obvious in hindsight.

(hq jump here.  source = splash news online)

punching girls is good excercise

By brendon September 17, 2009 @ 5:11 PM


Picking up trash because you punch girls in the face got a little bit sexier today when Chris Brown took off his shirt after a hard day of court ordered public service. He’s a jackass but he’s got good abs, I’ll give him that.

Back in Louisiana, I had a black friend named Curtis and he was built like one of the X-Men, like 220 pounds and all ripped out for no reason. As if his mom had been raped by a bear or something. For a while me and another friend had a theory that he was Batman. And one day I asked Curtis how the hell this happened because he’d never touched a weight in his life, and he patted his stomach and said, “it’s all those white girls man.” But I don’t think he knew either because I was sleeping with white girls too and I didn’t look like that.

Another time me and him were driving around and some hicks in a truck started yelling at us and he told me to pull over. And so I did. And then they did. And before I knew what was happening he took off his shirt and jumped out of the car and ran after them screaming like a lunatic and they sped off as fast as their POS truck would take them. And he got back in the car and I said, “what the hell are you doing”. And he said, “nah it’s cool. White boys are scared of big niggas.” And I said, “you are gonna put your shirt back on, right?”

My stories rarely go anywhere or have any point, in case you hadn’t noticed.

(hq jump here.  source = splash news online)