Britneys “Circus” tour hit DC last night (March 26th), and during “Do Somethin” she spread some holiday cheer and yelled “Merry Christmas!” to the crowd. It’s toward the end of the clip, around the 50-second mark. So if you’re her Secret Santa this month, I think a good gift might be a calendar and maybe also some lessons to show her what it does.
Polonious said “brevity is the soul of wit” in Hamlet, and I don’t know what the fuck that means because quite frankly I can barely even read, but I think it might be relevant to twitter. Because on there you’re forced to make every update no more than one or two sentences. Lots of big stars use twitter all the time to keep in touch with fans, or another way to say that is that they don’t use twitter at all and someone else writes the entries for them. The New York Times says…
In its short history, Twitter — a microblogging tool that uses 140 characters in bursts of text — has become an important marketing tool for celebrities, promising a level of intimacy never before approached online. But someone has to do all that writing, even if each entry is barely a sentence long. In many cases, celebrities and their handlers have turned to outside writers who keep fans updated on the latest twists and turns, often in the star’s own voice.
Britney, 50 Cent and Kanye are the three big names they list as using a ghost writer, which is surprising because I go to lots of haunted house movies and black people are terrified of ghosts. Not me though. I'm brave. Except when I see Kirsten Dunst. When this picture came out my friends found me the next day trembling under the table like an orphaned baby deer.
Megan Fox worked some awesomely short shorts yesterday in West Hollywood, and it made me very happy, but also concerned. I worry that my penis isn’t good enough to be inside someone this glorious. I feel like I should have it dipped in gold or something first. I’ve already started to fill a syringe with grenadine once a week and then I stab it in my balls so that if we ever have sex I’ll taste like cherries. Just in case.
LeBron James has a profile on “60 Minutes” this week, and in the middle of the interview he casually drains a shot from well past half court. If you don’t know, his team is in first place right now by 23 games, and quite honestly, his team is not that good. If he were a computer, he’d be the IBM Roadrunner, and the rest of the Cavs would be a shoebox with “computer” written in glitter and a rotary dial just kind of laid on top.
I rarely ever seem to understand what the hell is going on, and it's happening again today because the New York Post ran this about Scarlett Johansson being on a strict diet for "Iron Man 2":
Sultry Scarlett Johansson is getting rid of her famous curves! Eyes popped Tuesday night at Moet & Chandon's "Tribute to Film" soiree at London's Big Sky Studios when the "very slim" actress strutted in wearing a tight, black minidress.
And now everyone is going all apeshit because her tits are disappearing. In reality the problem was that Moet and Chandon light a red carpet like they’re getting ready to tell ghost stories. Just brighten the pics from Tuesday are her tits are nothing a push up can't fix (here). The bigger problem is that she dresses like she’s always on the way to ask a church for money ever since she got married. This is her in December. Here she is a few weeks earlier. Here a week before that. Here a week before that. She dressed okay at her premiere in February (here), but oh my fucking god nothing like she did just one year ago (bam). What happened to that Scarlett? The fun Scarlett. I hate the new Scarlett.
This is reportedly Mercy James, the little girl in Malawi that Madonna will try to officially adopt starting Monday. And not a moment too soon. I don’t know what those brown smudges are all over the wall but there’s no way they’re anything good. God only knows what that blue sheet she’s standing on is supposed to hide. What’s on the floor? Is there even a floor?
I was downloading pictures of Kathy Griffin flashing Paris Hilton outside of Kitson yesterday (closeup here, terrifying closeup here), and then just like that the power went out. It would seem even electricity itself wanted no part of this, and refused to power my computer any more if this was the kind of crap I was gonna waste it on.
ASHLEE SIMPSON – Page Six says, “Party animals-turned-parents Ashlee and Pete are having trouble … ‘(they’re) on the rocks. He is going out all the time and she's stuck at home’ ”. The story is way better if you just read, “Ashlee and Pete are on the rocks … stuck … in trouble … animals”. (source = page six)
MADONNA – an official in Malawi says Madonna has filed adoption papers and will travel there this weekend for a procedural hearing. She says, “I am the template or the role model for future adoptions.” She’s definitely my adoption role model. Her secret is to apply to the proper agencies then fill out the paperwork. The old way was not only inefficient, it was dangerous, hundreds of kids died. (source = BBC)
LINDSAY LOHAN – the only movie she's finished in two years, “Labor Pains”, is skipping theatres and will premiere on ABC Family. Which isn’t related to Marisa Miller on a motorbike in any way, but I already loaded these and didn’t feel like doing other ones. ta-da! (source = us magazine)