Afternoon Headlines

By brendon July 17, 2009 @ 6:32 PM

99hayden-panettiere-new-bikini-5

LINDSAY LOHANhere’s a picture of Lindsay knocking on Sam Ronsons door early this morning. She of course is locked out after yet another fight. Say what you will about Lindsay but she’s perceptive. Sams message got through loud and clear. She wanted Lindsay to knock on the door incessantly. People love that. It’s soothing. (pacific coast)

JANET JACKSON – has separated from her husband Jermaine Dupre. The Jackson family never did like him. When his brother died, he actually buried him. WTF is that all about? So long weirdo.  (source = us magazine)

HAYDEN PANETTIERE – went swimming with dolphins this week. I do that too. One time the Dolphin King told me, “You are a good and loyal friend, and you will always have a home here in our underwater kingdom.” True Story!  (hq jump here)

Eva Mendes is sort of attractive

By brendon July 17, 2009 @ 3:43 PM

099evaitaly

Eva Mendes is on vacation in Italy this week, and she looks even hotter now than she did when we made our sex tape. And she looked amazing in our sex tape.  When it came out, the Hollywood Reporter said, “Mendes is a stunner, breathtaking from start to finish … Brendon stumbles at first but displays noticeably increased confidence by the end … overall, a sexy romp that’s sure to delight and entertain. 4.5 stars”

(7 more pics here. hq jump here)

Criss Angel is the bad boy of magic

By brendon July 17, 2009 @ 1:32 PM

EXCLUSIVE: Criss Angel & New Girlfriend Vacationing In Mexico

Criss Angel is down in Mexico this week with some girl who looks like Maya Rudolph, and that’s not a compliment for anyone involved. She’s ok I guess but a huge downgrade from Holly Madison. He shouldn’t even have this one, but women are always throwing themselves at magicians. They’re so cool. I thought the tiger was in that box, but no, it’s actually outside in a private jet! He’s a sorcerer!  He bends the laws of time and space and mocks our earthly laws of physics! Or perhaps just has access to a second tiger! One of the two!

Kim Kardashian is bouncy

By brendon July 17, 2009 @ 9:56 AM

9980310_kim_kardashian_portrait_session-5_122_403lo

I assume these Kim Kardashian bikini pics are from this set from last week, which is to say I have no idea where they’re from. I think it’s some campaign for Sierra Mist, which was a good idea because who knew they even still made that shit. That was where the good ideas ended because whatever genius thought the “girls on trampolines” thing would translate to still photography was sadly mistaken. It would be like instead of calling you on the phone and saying “hey do you have any weed”, I just mailed you the words “hey” “you” “weed” in three different letters.

But whatever, because it’s Foxy Friday here on Tyler, when Foxes get in free!

(hq jump here)

Is Britney cheating? (no)

By brendon July 17, 2009 @ 6:57 AM

1britbody

By all accounts, Britney is happily dating her agent, Jason Trawick, but Page Six is hinting she may whoring around because she recently spent some time with Dallas Austin, a record producer who lives in Atlanta. This is retarded of course because she records albums, and he produces them for people like Madonna and Gwen Stefani and Pink, so why the hell wouldn’t they hang out.

And this isn’t really related but one time Dallas took a friend of mine shopping and bought her a Louis Vuitton purse because he wanted to sleep with her but she’s stuck up so she didn’t do anything. Ironically she mostly dates nerds. She’s the best thing to happen to nerds since Linux and the Fleshlight.

(UPDATE – okay so if I read her all-caps IM correctly, it was some other dude, not Dallas)

I feel cheated

By brendon July 16, 2009 @ 6:07 PM

99fp_3275862_mccord_annalynne_wardrobe_sly_071409

One of the photo agencies had these pictures and they said, “Annalynne McCord suffers tragically at the hand of wardrobe malfunction on the set of 90210.” And they had circles around her chest and kitty. Needless to say I immediately downloaded the hell out of them, but apparently for nothing. I don’t mean to brag, but I think I recognize a pair of tights when I see one.

(hq jump = here. source = fame)

Holy Crap! Mischa got 5150′d

By brendon July 16, 2009 @ 5:03 PM

99spl107819_003

Damn.  So it seems Mischa Bartons call to the cops yesterday wasn’t as trivial as it seemed, because now Access Hollywood is reporting that she is being held under a 5150. That is to say she is being held against her will pending a psychiatric evaluation.

Barton has placed under an involuntary psychiatric hold by the LAPD and transferred to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center on Wednesday evening.
According to the code, authorities can hold a person involuntarily if they present a danger to themselves or others, are gravely disabled or suffer from a mental disorder. This same code was used to hold Britney Spears twice in Los Angeles in January 2008.
…the hospital can hold Barton involuntarily for up to 72 hours.

I think cops can just issue a 5150 by themselves, before ever consulting a doctor, and I realize that’s just to be safe, but it seems like a lot of power. I wish I could do that, but there’s no way I could legally make a girl stay with me for 3 days. That’s why I dug a moat around my house and filled it with alligators.

Anna Freil seems fun

By brendon July 16, 2009 @ 3:49 PM

01100aftl

Earlier this week the UK version of Vanity Fair went to press with pictures of actress Anna Friel (“Land of the Lost”) modeling topless (here). I guess that wasn’t as much of a coup as I thought because someone was nice enough to steer me towards these pictures of her on vacation. It’s not clear when they were taken, so I did some investigating, and it turns out they’re from 2000what are you a homo no one cares.

America kicks ass at just about everything that matters.  We have that Big Dog robot, Marissa Millers tongue, the Aero gun mounted to a Yukon, and Wendy Doe, but our nations actresses need to stop being so GD stuck up and take their tops off like the UK girls do.  Do you bitches wanna be famous or not?

(all the pics are on the other side for obvious reasons. hq jump = here)

Read more >