BREAKING NEWS: Paris Hilton is an idiot

By brendon January 04, 2012 @ 5:58 PM

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The bad news is that Us quotes Paris Hilton as saying: “I’ve earned $1.3 billion since 2005.” The good news is that’s not even remotely true.

“I’m involved in my products every step of the way. My fragrances are doing really well at the moment,” Hilton tells FHM UK’s January issue. “They’ve produced more than $1.3 billion in revenue since 2005.”

Obviously there’s a big difference between revenue and income, so, despite the headline on Us, Paris has not earned $1.3 billion. And she lies constantly so that number is probably completely made up anyway. I’m surprised she didn’t say eleventy quillion.

Lauren Sanchez looks fantastic in a bikini

By brendon January 04, 2012 @ 4:10 PM

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Latin girls all look 35, no matter if they’re 35 or 45 or 15. They all have big tits and long shiny hair and too much makeup and it’s awesome. Like ‘Good Day LA’ anchor Lauren Sanchez, who spent the holidays in Mexico. This chick has 3 kids and she still looks incredible in a bikini. She looks so great it was probably a bad idea to post these, because now when I break into her house while she’s at work and hump her giant bra there’s gonna be a trail of evidence leading back to me.

(SEXY UPDATE: the pictures weren’t going full size for a while but that should be fixed now. image source = flynet and fame)

Billy Baldwin has to fly coach

By brendon January 04, 2012 @ 3:26 PM

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I’m mean spirited and petty, so I squealed with delight to see Billy Baldwin flying coach on an Alaska Airlines flight to Idaho. It makes me feel better about myself when a famous person can’t afford to fly first class. I bet Gwyneth Paltrow would be surprised to see that they even have seats back there. If you asked her to describe coach she would probably say people sit on old wooden benches, and there’s goats and chickens walking around and hay on the floor and oars sticking out of the side of the plane, and it gets real windy when they put the landing gear down. Gwyneth Paltrow is an elitist cunt, is my point.

Anyway, Baldwin sat back there and read political cartoons in the LA Times, which perfectly fits the perception I have when it comes to where actors get their information about politics.

(image source = inf)

Nick Cannon is in the hospital

By brendon January 04, 2012 @ 1:09 PM

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Mariah Carey went on her twitter page this morning and posted a picture of her and her husband Nick Cannon in a hospital bed in Aspen as he recovers from a mild kidney failure. She explained more over on her blog:

“We’re trying to be as festive as possible under the circumstances but please keep Nick in your thoughts because this is very painful. They tried to kick me out of the hospital but here I am pon de bed with Mr. C.”
“We’re doing OK but we’re ‘straaaaaanded in Aspen’ … the truth is as long as we’re together, we’re OK. I’m not trying to make light out of the situation because it’s a serious moment that’s very tough on all of us so please keep us and our family in your prayers. LYM.”

I’m not positive how this works but wouldn’t my prayers for him to recover be cancelled out by the ones I already made for him to get really sick and spend his days in agony?

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are engaged! Maybe!

By brendon January 04, 2012 @ 12:31 PM

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Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake started dating in May of 2007. Three months after that, the rumors that he was cheating on her began, and theybasicallyneverstopped for the four years that they dated. Because he’s a jackass who was absolutely cheating on her. And so in March of 2011, they broke up. :(

But now not only are they back together, but Us magazine says they’re engaged. To get married. To each other.

Timberlake popped the question to Biel (last week) in the mountains of Jackson, Wyoming. “Justin knows how much she loves snowboarding and the mountains, so it was the perfect place,” one insider explains.
Another Timberlake insider adds that he’s “never been happier” with the New Year’s Eve actress. “He knew it was the right time to propose.”

Oh yeah I bet he did. There’s nothing girls like more than screwing over other girls, so I bet breaking up with Jessica really began a sharp decline in the amount of pussy he was getting. Needless to say he had to fix that problem asap.

TRUE LOVE CONQUERS ALL!

By brendon January 04, 2012 @ 11:26 AM

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When Sinead O’Connor got married to drug counselor Barry Herridge last month in Vegas, things got off to a rocky start. Because she immediately took him to the hood to buy drugs. Suffice to say they separated 18 days later.

But last night Sinead announced that they’re reconciling, and she did it in the most disgusting way possible, by tweeting:

“Guess who had a mad love making affair with her own husband last night?”

Awww. It’s really touching to see two people make a connection like this. Despite their different interests (getting high, the exact opposite of getting high) she’s determined to make it work. Or maybe it’s because of their differences. If anyone should know where to score some awesome weed it should be a drug counsellor.

(image source = aol, splash)

Salma Hayek is getting a knighthood

By brendon January 03, 2012 @ 10:44 PM

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Nicolas Sarkozy (the President of France) will award Salma Hayek (an actress with big boobs) the Légion d’Honneur, which is the equivalent of a French knighthood.

Hayek will receive a formal induction, which involves a Presidential medal pinning.
Her induction will likely occur at the Élysées Palace within the next two months, says a source.
Founded by Napoleon in 1802 as a merit award, the Legion of Honor is awarded to military personnel and civilians for service to France. It is not exclusively reserved for the French and is often awarded to figures of international standing.
Past recipients – who are entitled to wear a small rosette pin indicating their rank – include Jerry Lewis, Clint Eastwood, Robert Redford and Robert De Niro.

So, even though this has gone to actors in the past, you must be wondering why Salma fucking Hayek would get one. The answer is because her husband is one of the Presidents best friends. Another answer might be because she has huge boobs and this way Sarkozy can “accidentally” rub them when putting the pin on. I mean he’s making a joke of this award anyway, might as well gun it.

(classic image source of hayek at a 2006 press conference for ‘ugly betty’ = getty)

Kyra Sedgewick is oddly hot

By brendon January 03, 2012 @ 9:24 PM

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Kyra Sedgewick spent the holidays in Hawaii with her husband Kevin Bacon, and she looked kinda hot until I realized she was Kyra Sedgewick. I guess because from the back she looks way better than I ever thought Kyra Sedgewick would look. So the key for Kyra Sedgewick to look hot is to not look anything like Kyra Sedgewick. It’s a real mixed blessing.

(image source = pacific coast)