As I understand it, John Travolta has lots of money. So it might be time to treat himself to a decent hair piece. This one looks like something he got at a magic store. In Chinatown. You could make a better hair piece with any really good printer.
Due to a weak gag reflex, I tried to ignore the rumor that naked pictures of Snooki were on their way. Oh, but look. Here’s one. The first of many apparently. Someone even set up a website to leak them one by one.
It’s extremely surprising that nakedsnooki.com wasn’t already taken, but it’s even extremelier surprising that the owner has set aside three spaces for ads. If that orange goblin was sneaking up toward my bed like this I would attack it with my shoe and try to kill it. This website might not be the money-making extravaganza they’re hoping for.
Madonna of course has adopted two kids from the African country of Malawi, her little boy Davie and her little girl Mercy, and now she’s building a 15 million dollar school for girls there. What a dynamite lady! Surely there’s no way this story could end up with Madonna looking like a self-centered bitch.
On Thursday, a government official informed 200 villagers that their land had been handed over to Madonna (so she could build her school), and asked that they move away.
Madonna paid the villagers more than $115,000 to compensate for their homes.
So far, residents have refused to move.
Tada! Madonna did it! This bitch is evil. Does anyone know if she was actually born or was there an earthquake one day and then she just rose up out of the ground. Although in this case her demands were probably unavoidable. If only Africa had some open land somewhere. But no. They don’t.
ANGELINA JOLIE - has no plans to adopt another child while in Haiti this week. They should get her drunk. Girls tend to be much more receptive to new ideas once they’re good and drunk. (cnn)
INGLORIOUS BASTERDS - is closing the gap on ‘Hurt Locker’ and ‘Avatar’ and is now a legit threat to win the Oscar for Best Picture. Who would have guessed that a movie depicting Jews as ferocious men of action would be so well received in Hollywood? (la times and la times)
ALICE EVE - Her new movie has some ecards for Valentines Day, but even better is that the ad now has shameless closeups of her amazing chest, exactly as I suggested two weeks ago. I should be a Hollywood movie executive. I saw her huge tits and thought, “Hmm. If only there was some way to convey to the audience that she has huge tits, but how?” (ecards)
ALEC BALDWIN - attacked a photographer as he left the hospital yesterday and had to be restrained by police. It was either because the photographer was crowding Baldwin, or because he’s fat and the photographer was dressed like a pint of ice cream. “NOM NOM NOM”, Baldwin said. (daily news, inf)
JON GOSSELIN - has a tiny penis, according to his ex girlfriend, Halley Glassman. “He’s hung like a nine-year-old boy. It’s so tiny, tiny, tiny. (I) would laugh about it with my mom.” Jon Gosselin had no comment, the beginning of 6 months without mentioning her, so that when she ends up dead he won’t look like a suspect. (us.com)
ANGELINA JOLIE - paid $20,000 for a 200-year-old olive tree to give to Brad Pitt for Valentines Day, because it’s a sign of peace and longevity. That may sound like a lot, and you can pay 15 grand for an olive tree, but only if you want a complete piece of shit. (wonder wall)
JOHN MAYER - stopped his concert last night to give a tear-soaked apology for some of the things he said in his Playboy interview. Crying in public like this should only strengthen his fan base in the hood. (foundry)
LADY GAGA - may lose some of her goofy outfits because her favorite designer, Alexander McQueen, was found dead today of an apparent suicide. Actually he hung himself, so I don’t know why its’ being called an “apparent suicide”. He either killed himself or he really sucks at making rope swings. (pop eater)
FINALLY, PART 2 - After days of crappy lo-res SI Swimsuit Issue pictures, finally some decent scans have shown up online. Unfortunately, other than Brooklyn Decker, the models this year kind of suck, so this is a real mixed blessing. (si.com)
The Playboy with Kelly Bensimon from ‘The Real Housewives of New York City’ goes on sale tomorrow, but Playboy.com has the pictures today, and … damn. This chick is freakin hot. There are 4 pics under the cut but to see them all you have to go to the playboy website. It’s like 10 dollars a month or something but it’s totally worth it. I saved enough by diluting my little brothers insulin. If he goes into a diabetic coma, I’ll just give him a candy bar. Or not give him a candy bar, however that works.
UNSEXY UPDATE - aw god dammit. okay so i had to take down the naked pictures. instead we have these 4 non-naked ones. turns out she looks way better with no clothes on. yeah, i was surprised too.
Lindsay Lohan has no money because no one will hire her, and no one will hire her because she’s an irresponsible brat. So when Austrian billionaire Richard Lugner offered her $150,000 to attend the Vienna Opera Ball (in the past he’s hired Paris Hilton, Carmen Electra and Pam Anderson) you would think she could manage that. It was pretty simple. Step One was, “take a first class flight to London”. Step Two was, “go to a party”. Step Three was, “cash a check for $150,000.”
Needless to say she fucked everything up long before Step One. Because she was two hours late for her flight. Because she was shopping. And then she couldn’t get on another flight (either because they were full or she couldn’t afford it), so she went to Marmount and got drunk with her 16-year-old sister until 4am this morning.
None of this should be a surprise of course. Lindsay could screw up even the simplest of plans. If you offered her a million dollars to put on a hat and stand on a box, you’d come back 5 minutes later to find she bought a million dollar hat and was trapped under the box.
Anne Hathaway is in this months GQ, and lo-res copies of a few of the pictures were around last week, but now, finally, some high quality versions of all the pics have made their way online. This must be a welcome relief to Anne, who can take comfort in the fact that her fans can now lean back and get comfortable, then masturbate with unsurpassed clarity.