NICK HOGAN IS SET FOR NIGHTS OF PASSION

By brendon July 23, 2008 @ 3:34 PM

I totally missed this last night and I was hoping for an update today, but so far nothing yet.  Anyway, as you may have heard, Nick Hogan turns 18 on Sunday, meaning he can then be moved from his cushy juvenile facility to a full fledged, hardcore, sodomy-filled prison. TMZ describes it as…

It's an open dormitory type of setting where he'll be in close contact with other adult inmates. The inmates are either awaiting sentencing or have already been sentenced in cases ranging from misdemeanors to felonies.

They say the only reason this might not happen is if it’s blocked by the judge or sheriff for concerns over his safety, but I’ve seen plenty of movies where the delicate blond gets pounded in the ass on the same day they turn 18, and they seem to love it, so I don’t see what the problem would be.

HOW?

By brendon July 23, 2008 @ 1:58 PM

Kim Kardashians ass (better copy of this pic here) must go back at least 9 inches.  No wonder she only dates black guys.  They're the only ones who can reach if she wants to get fucked from behind.  I've yet to see any official documentation that proves she isn't a centaur.

HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN

By brendon July 23, 2008 @ 12:07 PM

Both Forbes and People have articles today about what actors and actresses make the most money in Hollywood, and I had to read over this thing like 4 times, partly because I can barely read, but also because this thing doesn’t make a lick of sense.

Between June 1, 2007 and June 1, 2008, Will Smith was the highest paid male lead, banking around 80 million dollars.  Johnny Depp was close behind, earning 72.  Mike Meyers and Eddie Murphy both made 55 thanks to "Shrek", and Leonardo DiCaprio made 45 thanks to being the best actor alive.  

Here’s where the list goes to hell: Cameron Diaz made 50 million god damn dollars, despite the fact that no one actually likes her.  Keira Knightley made 32.  Jennifer Aniston has never had a successful movie, and hasn’t had any movie for 2 years, yet somehow made 27.  Reese Witherspoon and Gwyneth Paltrow each made 25.  

What the hell is that?  I thought Hollywood was misogynistic and sexist and awful.  So how come the top 5 list features 4 visually disturbing hags?  Keira is the only hot one, and the only one who is even remotely likable.  The only way I'd ever watch a Cameron Diaz movie is if the description also included the words, "Megan Fox" and "cum-soaked".



BROOKE HOGAN MIGHT DO PLAYBOY

By brendon July 23, 2008 @ 11:10 AM

The always kick ass New York Daily News says today that Brooke Hogan has been approached by Playboy.  They need someone to bat cleanup on their men’s league softball team.  No not really.  They actually want her to take her clothes off.  

Brooke Hogan has been approached to pose nude for the famous men's magazine, her publicist told the Daily News on Wednesday. And she didn't say no.
The "Brooke Hogan Knows Best" star, 20, could use a boost for her stagnant singing career. Hogan's 2006 album "Undiscovered" reportedly sold just 127,000 copies.
But her father, WWE legend Hulk Hogan, likely won't be too thrilled with the idea. The Hulkster had no qualms about showing off his overbearing paternal side on the now-defunct VH1 reality show "Hogan Knows Best."
Brooke has posed for a men's magazine in the past (she appeared on the cover of FHM in a skimpy bikini in 2006), but has never posed nude.
"No decision has been made at this time," her rep said.

Whatever.  This bitch will do it.  She's a trampy idiot.  This is what they do.  They show you their vagina for money.  They don’t even have to pay her.  She’d probably do it for a ride home.  I bet that’s more than she usually gets.  Paying her to act like a slut is like paying a dog to chase a squirrel.

SOPHIE MONK IS THE WINNER

By brendon July 23, 2008 @ 6:50 AM

I don’t know what sexual predator designed Sophie Monks bikini, but god bless them, because that thing doesn’t even begin to cover anything once it gets wet.  She might as well wear a bikini made out of sugar or optimism.

CHRISTIAN BALE IS NOT CRAZY. MAYBE.

By brendon July 23, 2008 @ 6:06 AM

There's no easy way to sum up all the theories and reports on Christian Bale right now, after he was arrested yesterday on assault charges filed by his mother and his sister, but today sources close to Bale tell the Daily Mail that at no point did Bale ever lay a finger on anyone.  They say Bale lost his temper after his mother insulted his wife during an argument in a London hotel, and Bale was more or less trapped there because of a swarm of fans and paparazzi outside.  They go on to say that Bale has been in a deep depression ever since the death of his friend Heath Ledger, and this has made him moody and short-tempered, even more so now with the release of "The Dark Knight".  The Mail says:

Sources close to the actor said he 'flew off the handle' at London's Dorchester hotel after Jenny Bale said 'some outrageous things'.
However, a source close to the 34-year-old actor says Bale is confident he’s done nothing wrong, and blames his mother.
The source said: ‘Christian was stressed, but he didn’t lay a finger on anyone. Instead, he flew off the handle and cussed his mother. He just got very loud because his mother was saying some very outrageous things about him and his wife.’
 ‘Normally Christian would just call a friend and go out to a pub to cool off. But he was literally trapped into this confrontation with his mother and sister because there was an army of fans and paparazzi outside.’
The source also claimed Bale had been deeply affected by the death of Ledger.
A friend said: 'Christian pretends he's calm and collected but you really started to see the cracks in his façade in January, right after Heath Ledger had died.
'Christian was in the middle of a very brief break from work when he heard the news, and it was massive blow to him.
'They had become very close during the making of The Dark Knight and Christian went into virtual hiding for the six weeks after Heath was found dead.
‘He wasn't returning phone calls and he wasn't a happy man. It's foolish to think that he's been able to completely shake off that grief just as Heath and his work is finally being seen by audiences.
'He expected to share this moment with his friend, and now he can't.

Keep in mind that 100 percent of all women are crazy, so just because he got into a fight with his mom doesn’t necessarily means he’s a lunatic, as long as he didn’t hit anyone.  Also keep in mind that if you would like to appear taller, jumping can help, albeit briefly. 

AUDRINA PATRIDGE IS PHOTOGENIC

By brendon July 22, 2008 @ 11:54 AM

I read an article in Discover magazine one time that said girls with implants are 30 percent more likely to be promiscuous.  Except replace the word "read" with the words "saw a picture", and the word "Discover" with the word "Juggs".  In hindsight it was less of an article about a study, and more of some pictures of this chick with huge awesome tits and then me just assuming she was a whore.  I can’t remember where I was going with this.  Anyway, hey look, it's Audrina Patrdige in some totally spontaneous and not-staged pictures of her big tits and hot ass yesterday in Beverly Hills.  Too bad about her face because her body is unbelievable.  She and I could do it but it would have to be pretty dark.  We could do it in the daylight, but I’d have to wack my penis up against her a few times to get things going, like you do with poppin fresh dough or a road flare.



CHRISTIAN BALE IS FREE

By brendon July 22, 2008 @ 10:27 AM

Christian Bale has been released from police custody after voluntarily turning himself him to answer questions stemming from an assault charge filed by his mother and his sister.  Earlier a publicist for Bale issued this statement:

"Christian Bale attended a London police station today, on a voluntary basis, in order to assist with an allegation that had been made against him to the police by his mother and sister. Mr. Bale, who denies the allegation, co-operated throughout, gave his account in full of the events in question and has left the station without any charge being made against him by the police. At this time, there will be no further comment by Mr. Bale."

TMZ among others is reporting that this charge of assault may be nothing more than verbal assault, which is a crime in the UK.  Yelling is not a crime in the US, unless you stand outside Megan Foxs window and yell at her to show you her tits.  Nobody likes a tattle tale, Megan.