i apologize

By brendon March 26, 2009 @ 11:08 AM

I was downloading pictures of Kathy Griffin flashing Paris Hilton outside of Kitson yesterday (closeup here, terrifying closeup here), and then just like that the power went out.  It would seem even electricity itself wanted no part of this, and refused to power my computer any more if this was the kind of crap I was gonna waste it on.

(image source = fame pictures)

afternoon headlines

By brendon March 26, 2009 @ 9:06 AM

ASHLEE SIMPSON – Page Six says, “Party animals-turned-parents Ashlee and Pete are having trouble … ‘(they’re) on the rocks. He is going out all the time and she's stuck at home’ ”. The story is way better if you just read, “Ashlee and Pete are on the rocks … stuck … in trouble … animals”.  (source = page six)

MADONNA – an official in Malawi says Madonna has filed adoption papers and will travel there this weekend for a procedural hearing.  She says, “I am the template or the role model for future adoptions.”  She’s definitely my adoption role model.  Her secret is to apply to the proper agencies then fill out the paperwork.  The old way was not only inefficient, it was dangerous, hundreds of kids died. (source = BBC)

LINDSAY LOHAN – the only movie she's finished in two years, “Labor Pains”, is skipping theatres and will premiere on ABC Family.  Which isn’t related to Marisa Miller on a motorbike in any way, but I already loaded these and didn’t feel like doing other ones. ta-da!  (source = us magazine)

shawn johnson was almost killed!

By brendon March 26, 2009 @ 6:49 AM

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!  I don’t watch “Dancing With The Stars” for the exact same reason I don’t take long lavender baths or have a cat named Mr. Mittens, but Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson is a finalist, and early Tuesday a man named Robert O’Ryan was arrested sneaking around the set.  Oh, but he wasn’t alone.

"The LAPD located a loaded .45 handgun, a loaded shotgun, and materials classically used for kidnapping including duct tape, zip ties, and a map to the victim. Also found were love letters, clippings and other information on the victim."
"He had packed all his belongings and permanently left Florida to drive out here to be with [Shawn Johnson], he believes that she speaks to him personally through the television set and through ESP and that they will have a child together, he stated he would be with her no matter what."

Needless to say he’s in jail and Shawn is protected 24 hours a day by trained killers.  I don’t mean to Monday Morning Quarterback this dude, but he might have been over thinking this.  Shawn Johnson?  I'm sure she’s a lovely woman and I would be enchanted if I ever met her, but … really?  Her?  She probably would have gone out with the dude if he just asked.  It’s Shawn Johnson.  This is like tunneling into a bank to steal their pens.

(image source = mavrix online)

watch your ass chris brown

By brendon March 26, 2009 @ 5:53 AM

Rihanna hit up BangBang in LA this week and got at least three new tats of guns. Two on her shoulder blades and one under her right arm (pic here).  She hasn’t said anything about her motivation for this, but many are guessing it has something to do with getting her ass beat last month.  Victims of injustice often outwardly project their feelings. This is exactly like when I came in second at Mr. Hot Buns in Vegas two years ago.  Sure, I said all the right things, I said Marco’s buns were better that night, but then I wore baggy sweat pants for six months.  I think I made my point.

afternoon headlines

By brendon March 25, 2009 @ 2:37 PM

ISAIAH WASHINGTON – the former “Grey's Anatomy” star is being evicted from his home near Santa Monica because he is 5 months late on the rent.  Which in this case equals $100,000.  People in Omaha who pay 2 grand for a five-bedroom with a fenced yard must be laughing their ass off right now.  (source = ap

AMERICAN IDOL – producers for the show admitted today that the group number that opens each results show is lip-synched.  “Due to extensive choreography and to balance their voices with open mikes against a screaming audience, the Idols do sing along to their own prerecorded vocal track…”  The guy apologized, but I think he misunderstood.  If they could just turn on a radio for the entire hour that would be terrific. (source = ny times)

ZHANG ZIYI – finally, new pictures of the “Crouching Tiger” star on a topless beach in January.  The guy understandably burying his face in her ass is her boyfriend.  Hopefully.  Otherwise I masturbated to a rape in progress, and there's no way I can talk my way out of that again.

it makes perfect sense

By brendon March 25, 2009 @ 1:22 PM

For years Hollywood has tried to make a "Three Stooges" movie, but could never to find three actors good enough at physical comedy to recreate such recognizable characters.  So now they’re just gonna just stop trying and make the movie anyway.  Variety says…

MGM and the Farrelly brothers are closing in on their cast for "The Three Stooges."
Sean Penn will play Larry, and negotiations are underway with Jim Carrey to play Curly, with the actor already making plans to gain 40 pounds to approximate the physical dimensions of Jerome "Curly" Howard.
The studio is zeroing in on Benicio Del Toro to play Moe.
The film is not a biopic, but rather a comedy built around the antics of the three characters.

I just hope they have some kind of disclaimer so I can tell between the new version and the old one.  If they don’t, I’ll just have to remember that in the old version, it was Larry who was Puerto Rican and mumbled incoherently, and Moe was the middle-aged one who was super angry and took human growth hormones.  In the movie version, it’s the opposite.

finally, a trailer

By brendon March 25, 2009 @ 12:51 PM

 

A teaser trailer for the long awaited Spike Jonze movie “Where the Wild Things Are” has finally arrived online. Although, technically, this is the second official trailer. The first one, for “Where the Wild Things Are”, directed by Spike Jonze, came in the year 2000, and premiered in front of the Jim Carey movie, “The Grinch”.  Suffice to say there were some problems.  Maybe because the book is idiotic and doesn’t make an ounce of sense.   Also it’s like 45 words long, and most of those are the same phrase said several times, like a jump rope song or drinking chant.  It probably shouldn’t have even been a book it's so dumb.  But still, Spike Jonze.  Spike Jonze.

(hd versions here)

sean penn? really? thats gross.

By brendon March 25, 2009 @ 11:39 AM

This sounds like madness, but Star magazine claims that Natalie Portman, who is 27, was caught last week “making out” with Sean Penn, who is married and oh by the way 48.  For the math challenged, that’s a 21-year difference.  A source tells Star….

"They went to a bank of elevators that only goes to the spa or to private rooms.  They came back about 45 minutes later, and that's when I saw them making out.  There's a door outside of the hotel's Tower Bar that has a bridge to the terrace, so it's semi-private.  I used that path to get to the restroom, and when I came back, I had to go through some curtains — and that's when I interrupted Sean and Natalie! When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves."

I’d rather watch my grandparents make out than a flawless angel like Natalie Portman and that tick infested hippie.  Just picturing him and her is profoundly uncomfortable.  I could catch her tossing Flava Flav and not be this grossed out.