Paula Abdul demands to be called a gift

By brendon August 12, 2011 @ 4:50 PM


According to Paula Abdul, everyone is always out to get Paula Abdul and she’s constantly taken advantage of and abused. She even broke down in tears on her reality show one time and said…

“I’m tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am.”

Well apparently this is still a problem because a source tells Us magazine that Paula needs a new assistant, and you can bet your ass they’ll be treating her like the gift she is.

Each assistant must carry and use a tape recorder at all times “because she doesn’t trust her own conversations,” the source says.
“She also makes them check the TiVo for any mention of her and put it on a DVD.”
(They) should also prepare to go through her email — and respond to family and friends as the star herself.
(Paula) also needs constant reminders that she is a “warrior, survivor and gift.”

Hopefully this is true because I agree with Paula a hundred percent. She sang several popular songs between 1988 and 1991, and she deserves our praise and gratitude. That piece of shit Nelson Mandella didn’t sing any popular songs, none, and yet everyone acts like he’s so great. How does that make any sense? It’s way past time that we got our priorities in the right place.

Friday headlines, with Dianna Agrons pink hair

By brendon August 12, 2011 @ 4:39 PM


COLDPLAY – announced today that their next record is called ‘Mylo Xyloto’. Which I believe is Latin for “Homo Music”. (

ALEC BALDWIN – will host SNL for the 16th time during the season premiere on September 24th. Radiohead will be the musical guest. SNL has now been on the air for 37 years, which is astounding because if I were to make a list of things to do on a Saturday night, watching that joyless piece of shit wouldn’t crack the top hundred, even well behind things like “go to an observatory”, “wait for the zoo to open”, “stable my scrotum to things” and “sit perfectly still”. (yahoo)

ALEC BALDWIN – announced that he will not run for mayor of New York in 2013, but might at some point. I’ll try to to have a more comprehensive list of people who aren’t running for mayor on Monday. (ny times)

JANI LANE – died in a Woodland Hills Comfort Inn yesterday at the age of 47. The former Warrant lead singer was found with a half empty bottle of vodka and a yet unidentified bottle of prescription pills. Hopefully whoever found him thought to put him face down in a cherry pie before calling 911. Because hey, life can be funny sometimes. (msnbc)

DIANNA AGRON – was on the set of ‘Glee’ yesterday with sexy new pink hair. What a utopia this world would be if more hot girls followed Diannas lead and dyed their hair slutty colors. (pcn)

Candice Swanepoel is a good model

By brendon August 12, 2011 @ 3:32 PM


Candice Swanepoel wore 4 different bikinis earlier today on the beach in St Barts for Victoria’s Secret, and then a lion jumped out and shot her. Nah, I made that last part up, but this shit was pretty boring so I tried to jazz it up a little.

(image source = fame)

never mind. 90210 is awesome.

By brendon August 12, 2011 @ 12:16 PM


So after looking at more pictures, apparently this episode of ’90210′ has Annalynne McCord and a new character played by Megalyn Echikunwoke fighting in bikinis with pugil sticks. And that’s why Annalynne is covered with slime. And in the end Megalyn dies because it was to the death. It’s a good way to go I guess.

(image source = pacific coast and bauer griffin and flynet)

90210 is a Japanese game show now

By brendon August 12, 2011 @ 11:51 AM


’90210′ filmed some scenes for the show in manhattan beach yesterday, and for the second time in two weeks the episode revolves around getting Annalynne McCord in a bikini and then covering her with goo. It’s basically ‘You Can’t Do That on Television’ now but no one will get all preachy when you masturbate to it.

(image source = pacific coast and bauer griffin and flynet)

this is why everyone hates Gwyneth Paltrow

By brendon August 11, 2011 @ 10:22 PM


Insufferable elitist cunt Gwyneth Paltrow has a new interview with Elle Decor magazine and they asked her to list a few things that “she can’t live without”. And since she was born to privilege and deserves to surround herself with nothing but the finest in life, she of course lept at the chance to do some more thinly veiled bragging.

1. DeGournay hand painted wallpaper – “I indulged with one wall in my London living room covered in a gorgeous pattern.”

Seriously, the first fucking thing on the list of things she can’t live without is hand painted wallpaper. Tom Hanks or Sandra Bullock would have said, “my wedding photo” or “a drawing from my son”. Gwyneth Paltrow says, “hand painted wallpaper.” It’s hard to find prices for most of her stuff but this apparently starts at $650 per panel and the average cost is thought to be $12,000 per room. And we both know she didn’t get anything average. Who the fuck even knew they made hand painted wallpaper? It’s like there’s some secret world out there filled with secret stores. What do people like this do for things like toilet paper? Is there a snooty version of that too? Does someone make a daily chinchilla fur for each of her bathrooms and cut it into squares? Christ I’m scared to even look into it.

2. Seasonal flowers – “I like single-variety arrangements—peonies, hydrangeas, and white lilies—casually arranged.”

God this is so revealing. She wants the very best but doesn’t want it to look like any effort was involved. Expensive things are just lying around. “It’s just money and there’s plenty of that so who cares.” We’re on number 2 and this is already the least relatable list anyone has ever made about anything.

3. Darren Almond’s photography – “His arresting, large-scale artwork brings a sense of majesty to a room.”

Christies has sold a few of his pictures, ranging from $3,515 to $16,250. Because it’s not like anyone can just go take a fucking picture. And what is she supposed to do, hang pictures of her kids, like some pedophile?

4. Charles Edwards Star Lanterns – “I hung three of these at different levels in the stair hall so that we could pass them on our way up to bed at night.”

Her son is gonna be so gay.

5. Antonio Lupi Baia Tub – “It’s in the middle of my bedroom—perfect for a relaxing wind-down and for bathing the kids.”

So yes, it’s not even her main bathtub. I couldn’t find a price for hers, but this one (number 7) from the same company cost $17,300 (updatea quote from the Lupi showroom in Miami, one of only 2 in the US, says the tub cost $9,731). Why, do you just have a tub from Home Depot? And do you fill it with tap water as if you were washing a pig or do you have a crystal reservoir filled with Evian? Oh. Oh I see. How quaint.

6. Religion bookshelf – “Built-in slots hold holy books—including the Qur’an, Bible, and Tao Te Ching—all at the same level (which is how I like to think about religion).”

Oohh, a shelf that holds things at the same level! How regal! My shelves are all at a 45 degree angle because I wasn’t sophisticated enough to buy one that was flat. (please go look at this bookshelf, by the way. She says “which is how I like to think about religion” as if she has some new take on what the artist was trying to say, when it reality, that’s the entire fucking point of the piece. Her keen observation comes because she understood the very obvious message, yet she’s practically taking credit for the whole thing).

7. Clothbound Penguin Classics – “These gorgeous editions make the books so tempting to pick up, again and again. The ultimate cure for sore muscles.”

So she’ll read, but only in the most pretentious way possible. And I love how she tacks on the part about sore muscles, as if she was on an assembly line all day.

8. YUBZ Retro Handset – “A handset cuts down on cellphone radiation. I use this one for my BlackBerry calls.”

Naturally, hers is bright red. “Look at me commoners, here I am! Now is your chance to bask in my glow! You’re welcome!”

Olivia Wilde is trying to send a message

By brendon August 11, 2011 @ 4:38 PM


‘Cowboys and Aliens’ is having it’s London premier today, and Olivia Wilde walked the red carpet in a dress that has a cool premise but once you see the whole thing you realize it’s dull and boring and you wonder why anyone ever wasted the time to make it.

Hint hint, people of London. It’s not like she can’t just come right out and say the movie sucks.

(image source = getty and bauer griffin)

Alessandra Ambrosio is in a bikini, day 2

By brendon August 11, 2011 @ 4:04 PM


Alessandra Ambrosio spent another day on the beach in Maui, and this time she went paddle boarding. And of course the ocean was smooth as glass the entire time, because that’s how life works when you’re this hot. Also some seals brought her a chest filled with pirate gold and when she was done a big shark pulled her into shore and she gave it a kiss right on his nose and he blushed.

(image source = splash and wenn)