Jessica Simpson might elope

By brendon March 29, 2011 @ 12:30 PM

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Though the real reason is probably so she won’t have to share the cake, Jessica Simpson says that after the media frenzy around her first marriage, she may elope this time with her fame whore boyfriend Eric Johnson. She tells Us magazine

“No date has been set. We’ve both been married before. We’re enjoying our commitment to each other. We want to take our time.”
“I will be part of designing my own wedding gown. We might elope if it gets to that point.”

I have no idea why she would follow a sentence about designing her dress with one about eloping but whatever. Maybe designing is just always on her mind. I heard she even designed extra big forks and spoons because the regular sized ones took too many trips to get all the food from the plate to her mouth and she would get winded. “What am I, at the gym”, she would say.

Jessica Sutta is in a bikini

By brendon March 29, 2011 @ 10:37 AM

Jessica Sutta

The one and only bad thing about the “Pussycat Dolls” breaking up is that there are hardly ever Jessica Sutta pictures anymore, so it was awesome to see her on Miami beach in a bikini. Her and her big tits and sexy red hair. If I ever got to have sex with her I’d switch the astroglide for glue so I’d never have to pull out.

(image source = inf daily)

Christina Aguilera has “intimate” pictures for sale

By brendon March 29, 2011 @ 9:42 AM

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A digital storage card containing hundreds of “provocative” personal photos of Christina Aguilera, time-stamped between June and November 2010, were found in a hotel room in France and are now for sale according to Radar. Some of the highlights include…

– Aguilera with two naked male strippers at a bachelorette party.
– Aguilera mimicking oral sex on some guy holding a sex toy.
– Fifteen pictures from Nicole Richie’s bachelorette party in Cabo San Lucas. Aguilera is pictured drinking and smoking a cigar, Richie is in a bikini with a male blow-up doll strapped to her.
– Aguilera and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler in bed and kissing.
– Aguilera dancing on a table with friends at a private dinner.
– Aguilera giving a blow job to a chocolate covered banana at a theme park.
– Aguilera posing for before-and-after make-up shots.
– Aguilera and her son at a goat farm in October.

Too bad she didn’t do the pretend blow job thing at the goat farm, because if she’s not naked or geting drilled in any of these, I could give a shit. This bitch is annoying anyway. I would have added a bunch of pictures of federal building and landmarks around New York City, taken at all hours of the day and night, and turned her in to Homeland Security.

(image source = getty)

Mariah Carey is gross

By brendon March 28, 2011 @ 5:48 PM

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It’s still a few weeks until Mariah Carey is expected to give birth to twins, but yesterday (her 42nd birthday) she ended up in the hospital after experiencing contractions.

It turned out to be nothing, so, as if pregnant women weren’t disgusting looking enough, today she painted a red and blue butterfly on her monstrosity of a stomach, then posted a picture of it on her twitter. God those babies are enormous. After those monsters punch through it, her vagina is gonna look like someone hung her upside down by it.

Lindsay Ellingson is very famous

By brendon March 28, 2011 @ 4:51 PM

Lindsay Ellingson

Lindsay Ellingson was on Miami beach this weekend too, just like Doutzen Kroes, and just like Doutzen she’s a Victorias Secret Angel, but unlike Doutzen I have no idea how. This chick is pretty average looking. I’m sure Victorias Secret takes pains to have some models be less intimidating to their customers, but Jesus Christ, let’s not get carried away.

(image source = inf daily)

Doutzen Kroes was in a bikini again too

By brendon March 28, 2011 @ 4:01 PM

Doutzen Kroes

Victoria’s Secret angel Doutzen Kroes spent even more time this weekend on Miami Beach in a bikini, showing off her big tits and flat stomach, and this time she even brought along her two month old baby. It’s all part of her plan to make normal girls feel bad about themselves.

(image source = inf daily)

Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn went public

By brendon March 28, 2011 @ 3:26 PM

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Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn have been sneaking around together for a few weeks now, going on secret and no doubt boring dates. But Jim Toth is Scarletts agent, and since he got married to Reese Witherspoon this weekend, and since guys love going to weddings with girls they just met, Scarlett brought Sean as her date. Popeater says…

“Scarlett is Jim’s client, but no one, including the bride, knew she would have turned up with Sean Penn,” a friend of Scarlett’s tells me. “Turning up at a wedding with your boyfriend is definitely a huge statement, especially that wedding. What it’s doing is announcing to the whole of Hollywood that they are serious.”
“Scarlett is head over heals in love with Sean,” a friend of the actress tells me. “She normally tries to hide away from public attention, but when she’s with Sean she doesn’t care.”

Scarlett must be kinda dumb because you really need to know someone before taking them to a wedding. You really need to feel comfortable with them, and them with you. That’s why, when I see a new girl that I might want to ask out, I follow her, then break into her house and look around, dig through her stuff to see if we have similar hobbies and interests.

Reese Witherspoon got married

By brendon March 28, 2011 @ 1:42 PM

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Reese Witherspoon and her agent Jim Toth got married at her ranch in Ojai Saturday night in front of about 120 guests, including fancy Hollywood stars like Sean Penn, Ryan Phillippe, Scarlett Johansson, Renee Zellweger, Robert Downy Jr., Tobey Maguire, Matthew McConaughey, Alyssa Milano, Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen. Granted these pictures only show a few of them and they’re pretty blurry, so they don’t prove much. Except for the existence of doves, if you were still on the fence about that.