Mila Kunis was in third

It's a shame Mila Kunis doesn't have bigger tits, because she at least tried to show them off last night at the Academy Awards, and that really means a lot to me. I really appreciate that. That's why I emailed her some pictures of my dong, and she can use those to look... read more

Scarlett Johansson was in second

Like most girls, Scarlett Johansson looks best when she looks a little slutty, so when she arrived at the Academy Awards in a backless dress and tousled hair like she got drilled all night and didn't have time to fix it, it was the best she had looked in a long time. She... read more

Jennifer Lawrence won the Academy Awards

Jennifer Lawrence didn't win the Oscar last night for Best Actress, but she's only 20, so the fact that she even got a nomination for her work in Winters Bone is remarkable.  Almost as remarkable as the way her dress clung to her ass. Even if I had telepathy and mind... read more

probably the worst Academy Award telecast ever

The 2011 Academy Awards were last night, and the big winner was The Kings Speech, the inspiring story of king who sits in his castle and eventually gives a speech on the radio without fucking it up. The big loser was True Grit, which not only went 0 for 10, but had it's... read more

Michael Douglas thinks he can fight

Entertainment Tonight has video of Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas in London last night, and as they went from their car to their hotel, Jones started screaming hysterically that one of the paparazzi punched her. Then Douglas called the guy an asshole, pushed... read more

Louis C.K. asked Donald Rumsfeld if he's a lizard

Louis C.K. was on Opie and Anthony yesterday when former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld called in for an interview, presumably because of some kind of clerical oversight on the part of Rumsfelds staff. Things started off routinely enough, and then at around the... read more

Christina had sex in the bathroom at a family party

Christina Aguilera has been in the news a lot lately, all of it bad. - She fell down at the Grammys (2.14.11). - Her friends were planning an intervention (2.8.11). - She forgot the words to the National Anthem (2.7.11). - She crashed a strangers party and passed out... read more

Charlie Sheen is not getting a show on HBO

While in the middle of his drug-fueled meltdown yesterday, Charlie Sheen told Radar he wasn't worried about losing Two and a Half Men because he was gonna get a new show, an even better show, on HBO, and instead of the 2 million dollars an episode he got from CBS, HBO... read more

I wish I could see what Elle Macpherson sees

Elle Macpherson, who is 46 by the way, spent a sexy afternoon on a yacht leaving Sydney Harbour yesterday, lounging around in a tiny white bikini, with one of her hot friends molesting her ass and at one point just shamelessly admiring her kitty. Which seems reasonable.... read more

Alex Pettyfer might be crazy and his house is on fire

One week ago today, Alex Pettyfer was the star of a huge new movie franchise, had a beautiful girlfriend, and a house that wasn't on fire. Now for an update: reverse all that. His movie I Am Number Four was a disappointing third at the box office, Dianna Agron broke up... read more

Charlie Sheen just shut down Two and a Half Men

The good thing about cocaine is that it gives you lots of energy. The bad thing is that it's energy to do stuff like this. "I violently hate Chaim Levine (Chuck Lorre).  He's a stupid, stupid little man and a p**sy punk that I'd never want to be like. That's me being... read more

Charlie Sheen got high and called Alex Jones today

If you've never heard what someone sounds like after they've done enough coke to blow up the sun, you will now because Charlie Sheen was on the Alex Jones Show today, and he spent 18 exhausting minutes calling the creator and producer of Two And A Half Men a loser and a... read more