Monday morning headlines

By brendon July 26, 2010 @ 1:02 AM

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THE AVENGERS - were on stage together at Comic-Con, and HERE is a giant full sized picture of it showing, from left to right, Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man), Clark Gregg (Agent Coulson), Scarlet Johansson (Black Widow), Chris Hemsworth (Thor), Chris Evans (Captain America), Samuel L. Jackson (Nick Fury), Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye), Mark Ruffalo (the Hulk) and director Joss Whedon. It’s an amazing cast with the exception of Ruffalo, who replaced Edward Norton. So they replaced one monotone, zero-charisma bore with another, for a character who talks about science. Try to be in your seats for his scenes so you don’t fall down. (aint it cool)

HALLE BERRY – broke up with Gabriel Aubry in April (they dated for 5 years and had a daughter in 2008) but yesterday all 3 of them flew to South Africa. Halle is going to film a movie called ‘Dark Tide’, Gabriel is going to scope out new black chicks. (popeater)

INCEPTION – won the weekend box office again ($43.5 million), despite a strong debut by Angelina Jolies ‘Salt’ ($36.5 million), which maybe would have made more if it didn’t sound like some kind of cooking show. (variety)

BLAKE LIVELY – was at Comic-Con to promote ‘the Green Lantern’, and she and Ryan Reynolds sat on a panel and waited for questions while several hundred nerds nudged each other and pantomimed tits. (getty)

Paris Hilton is topless again

By brendon July 23, 2010 @ 6:33 PM

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Mostly these are bikini pictures of Paris Hilton on a yacht in Sardinia, Italy, and then at the end there’s a few more topless pictures of her from some German newspaper (here are the ones from Monday). She actually looks pretty good here, but a few years ago we all committed to flat out hating her, and because of that she disappeared for the most part, so let’s all stick with that.

the Other Guys

By brendon July 23, 2010 @ 6:29 PM

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‘The Other Guys’ is about two NYPD detectives (Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg) who are always in the shadow of two supercops (Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson). They’re the backups, basically. So Sony asked who I would want as a backup for the website. Sensing an opportunity to call celebrities juvenile names, here’s the top three:

Lindsay Lohan
PRO: dumb as a rock, would make me look competent.
CON: doesn’t wake up until 3pm, then spends the next hour wondering where she is and why her jaw is sore.

Sean Penn
PRO: thrives on lecturing people.
CON: would write one post then give 8000 interviews to talk about it.

Gwyneth Paltrow
PRO: loves giving advice.
CON: her idea of advice is, “1700 dollar shoes are nice. You should buy some of those.” No, seriously, it is. Because apparently she’s under the impression that we don’t wear 1700 dollar shoes because we didn’t think they’d be nice.

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Shakira is in a bikini too

By brendon July 23, 2010 @ 1:27 PM

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Yesterday Shakira put on a bikini for a photo shoot in Ibiza, and this was the first I’d heard of her in a while so I ran a search to see what she’s been up to. It turns out she does incredibly deviant hardcore porn now, either because she’s awesome or because I spelled her name wrong and clicked on a link for “Sharka”.

I was gonna run a new search with her name spelled correctly, but by then my erection was getting pretty painful.

(image source = fame)

Alessandra Ambrosio won the bikini contest

By brendon July 23, 2010 @ 1:16 PM

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I know that I said Angelina Jolie was the hottest girl on earth two seconds ago, but that was because I got swept away by passion and forgot about Victorias Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio. Luckily she was on a beach in St. Barths yesterday in a bikini, and now I’ve come. To my senses.

(image source = fame)

Angelina Jolie went to Comic-Con

By brendon July 23, 2010 @ 12:46 PM

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Angelina Jolie is still the best looking woman anything on earth, and Roger Ebert gave her new movie 4 stars (“It’s exhilarating to see a genre picture done really well.”) but just in case those weren’t enough to promote ‘Salt’, she wore a skin tight outfit for her panel at Comic-Con last night (here she is answering a question about my dong).

Brad Pitt was also supposed to be there to promote ‘Megamind’, but he was busy filming ‘Moneyball’. It’s a little surprising he didn’t make it because he’s well know to be fan friendly. In a related story, if I got to be have sex with Angelina Jolie whenever I wanted, I’d be well known to be the worlds largest source of semen.

(image source = splash news online)

tyler has sexy readers (and yoga girl wins!)

By brendon July 23, 2010 @ 11:25 AM

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Tyler is South Korea’s 883rd most popular website, with twice the traffic of maxim.com, getting almost half a billion page views a year. And as a vital part of the community, I wanted to give something back. Unfortunately I’m scared of minorities so that ruled out most charities, and all the “causes” I could find seemed pretty faggity, so instead I’m using money to bribe hot girls into taking most of their clothes off and sending us pictures.

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Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr got married

By brendon July 23, 2010 @ 11:24 AM

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Victorias Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr (seen here during a shoot in the Caribbean last July) and Orlando Bloom (image not available) have been dating since 2007, but they’ve always stayed out of the spotlight. In fact it was only last month when word leaked that they were engaged.

Now it turns out they’re already on their honeymoon, and the only reason anyone even knows that is because Kerr had to release a statement to explain why she would be missing scheduled appearances for the Australian department store David Jones. Here (via People) is how they announced to the world that they got married.

“David Jones very graciously released me during this period so we could celebrate an intimate ceremony and honeymoon together.”

It’s nice to occasionally see even one celebrity who isn’t completely fucking crazy, and absolutely delightful to see a celebrity couple who isn’t crazy. In honor of this, after the jump are those pictures of Mirandas tits. It’s maybe not entirely appropriate, but I really like looking at girls tits, as it turns out.

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