Halle Berry has taken a new lover

By brendon September 10, 2010 @ 2:38 PM

43594PCN_Halle

Halle Berry has been seen a lot with ex boyfriend Gabriel Aubry lately, which sort of makes sense since they dated for 4 years and had a little girl together in 2008, but since they broke up in April, she hasn’t had much of a social life. “Will this gorgeous millionaire with big tits ever find love again,” I fretted.

Yes, as it very surprisingly turns out. With a French guy named Oliver Martinez. Hey People magazine, who is Oliver Martinez?

Never married, Martinez has been romantically involved with a number of beautiful women, including Juliette Binoche, Kylie Minogue, Mira Sorvino and now, apparently, Berry. Earlier this year, British papers reported Martinez was seeing Victoria Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

So he’s nailed a ton of beautiful women and he’s a French?! Oh I simply adore him! Maybe if we met he could insist I refer to him only as “The Baron” to be even more likable.

Lisa Marie Presley is a drunk

By brendon September 10, 2010 @ 12:55 PM

EBDBJG_44574PCN_Presley

Lisa Marie Presley landed in a heap on the stairs to her London hotel, but to be fair, she was incredibly drunk. Based on my experience with dozens of stoned suburban white girls, it’s safe to say they’re not natural climbers. I have one of those Scooby Doo levers that turns my stairs into a slide anyway, to make sure they can’t get out, but I don’t need it to be honest. It’s fun though. You should see how surprised they look!

(image source = pacific coast)

Miley Cyrus knows how to dress

By brendon September 09, 2010 @ 6:35 PM

Miley Cyrus Heading To Panera Bread For Lunch

Miley Cyrus went to Panera Bread for lunch this afternoon, and… seriously? Is this how the young people are dressing these days? To go to Panera Bread? I can’t shake the feeling that I got screwed. I’m gonna call all the girls I went to high school with and tell them that they suck.

(source = flynet online)

Lindsay Lohan wants to be a mom

By brendon September 09, 2010 @ 4:57 PM

lindsay-lohan-see-thru

Lindsay Lohan is dumb, immature, irresponsible, a thief, an alcoholic, a drug addict, has $600,000 in credit card debt, millions more in regular debt, and has no current source of income. And believe it or not, none of those are even the best reason why she shouldn’t have a child.

According to In Touch, this is…

Lindsay hates being alone and thinks a baby would make the perfect companion. “She needs to be around someone nearly 24 hours a day,” the pal says. “She thinks having a baby could straighten out her life.”

So she’s an annoying pain in the ass who drives everyone away, and instead of changing, she’d rather invent someone without enough muscle tone to run. And then once they get it, we’ll have a whole new version of Lindsay.

Fantastic.

If the governor doesn’t kidnap Lindsay and fill her vagina with concrete, than he’s a disgrace to the Republican party.

Kim Kardashian is mad at Playboy

By brendon September 09, 2010 @ 3:15 PM

kim_kardashian_playboy

Playboy has released 7 new pictures from Kim Kardashians famous 2007 pictorial (people are saying it’s 25, but it’s 7. The other ones aren’t new. Don’t worry about… look, do we have to humiliate me every single day, just take my word on it), which she now says she regrets ever having taken. She tells Harpers Bazaar (via the Huffington Post)…

“I’m sorry I did Playboy. I was uncomfortable,” she remembers, though at the time she was excited. “Go for it,” she recalls her mother saying. “They might never ask you again. Our show isn’t on the air yet. No one knows who you are. Do it and you’ll have these beautiful pictures to look at when you’re my age.”

So you can guess how she feels about the new ones.

“Kim was really upset that the new photos were released. She freaked out that they were out there, she didn’t think that they were going to be seen again.”

Is she talking about a comet, or naked pictures of Kim Kardashian and her huge tits? Like this one, which is one of the best Playboy pictures ever. Because those never went away, every guy on earth right clicked the hell out of them, and then named a folder ROUTER SETTINGS or something like that and hid it inside three other folders.

Which doesn’t work if you date a girl who understands computers, btw. She’ll simply run a search for all .jpg files. And it will suck. Mind your own business you brainy bitch.

(13 NSFW pics here. first 7 are new. source for all = playboy.com, which is unquestionably the best 8 dollars you’ll ever spend.)

Read more >

Jessica Simpson is the secret Project Runway judge

By brendon September 09, 2010 @ 2:03 PM

SPL208774_001

The ultimate winner of Project Runway is decided every year by giving a few of the designers a runway show at Fashion Week in New York. It’s a big deal, a huge honor, so they always get a really fashionable celebrity as a guest judge. Or in this case, Jessica Simpson. People says…

With her new denim line in stores now, it’s only fitting that Jessica Simpson is getting her fashionable feet wet at the runway shows of New York City Fashion Week. And on Thursday, the starlet made a trip to the Project Runway finale, where she was announced as the surprise guest judge.

Jesus Christ, are people in that audience actually applauding? I thought fashion people were mean. Boo that fat bitch. Don’t encourage her. Style and beautiful clothes are your life, and she’s selling denim bras and panties. “BOOOO, BOOOOO YOU SUCK!”

Britney Spears talks about the lawsuit

By brendon September 09, 2010 @ 1:04 PM

britney_statement

Radar caught up with Fernando Flores yesterday, the first outlet to find him since he filed his lawsuit claiming Britney Spears beat her kids and sexually harassed him when he worked for her as a bodyguard.

He doesn’t really answer any questions, but he does look dumb as a rock. Because he is. Keep in mind that his lawsuit is filled with accusations that, as Britney points out on her website today, have already been dismissed once.

The Department of Children and Family Services conducted a proper investigation surrounding Mr. Flores’ accusations and have closed the case without any further action.

Just so you know, I grew up like 20 minutes from Britney, so the idea of being objective on this has gone right out the window. I don’t want to think she hits her kids because it would make us look bad. We’re not from Alabama for christs sake. Of course those inbred hillbillys beat their kids, their kids are goblin toothed bastards, but people from Louisiana are awesome.

So if it turns out Britney is feeding her kids broken glass: “Whatever. Glass is mostly silica, and that’s in our food anyway, so how bad could glass really be. Now stop your whining and eat your bottle before it gets cold.”

Paris Hilton hid cocaine in her vagina

By brendon September 08, 2010 @ 7:33 PM

SPL85844_011

Paris Hilton used to hide cocaine in her vagina to sneak it past airport police when traveling, according to a new book. And also, just, according to common sense. It just seems like something she would do.

The book was written by former ‘Girls Gone Wild’ cameraman Ryan Simkin, and he claims ‘Girls’ founder Joe Francis once had him deliver cocaine to Hilton during a photoshoot for Seventeen magazine. After that, the Hollywood Reporter says…

Hilton was leaving for Europe, Simkin writes, and he alleges he brought her a little Camel cigarette box filled with cocaine and ecstasy for her trip.
“I asked if she was flying private, and she said, ‘No, commercial.’ And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X,” Simkin writes in the book. “She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.”

The only part I don’t believe is that this whore is tight enough to keep a small cigarette box inside of her. It would bounce around, she would sound like a rattle. She would still get caught because the cops would think she was smuggling a piggy bank.