They’re all whores

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 7:03 PM

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Someone told me last month that Reggie Bush was sleeping with a receptionist at East Jefferson Hospital in New Orleans, but when Us magazine broke the story last week about his break-up with Kim Kardashian, they said…

“Nobody cheated,” a source close to the couple says. “This is just a case of conflicting schedules and their lives going in different directions.”

Seems a little defensive. So maybe that hospital receptionist thing was true. Or maybe this Kim and Kanye West thing is true…

“Reggie saw text messages on Kim’s phone from Kanye West and flipped out … they referenced a night they hung out, how much fun he had, how hot Kim was, and more racy things that got Reggie’s imagination running.”

A-Ha! So it was her! It was her and not him! Oh wait no it was also him.

…a sexy Latino model in Miami is claiming she had an affair with Reggie and has been threatening to take her story public to the highest bidding magazine.
The model claimed a months-long affair that included hookups in Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Miami.
Kim was aware of the model’s charges and furious about it.

Wow. Reggie Bush sure is a busy guy. I hope he has time to practice playing football.  Just on talent alone he was able to rush for more yards last year (number 9 on this list) than the guy who was hurt (number 10), and the 38-year-old quarterback (11) and the rookie quarterback who ran for -28 yards during his final two years in college (12) and the wide-receiver (13) and the people who I don’t think actually exist (14, 17, 23-31), but how long can he keep this incredible pace going?

Afternoon Headlines

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 3:46 PM

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MICHAEL JACKSON – Joe Jackson confirmed today that Omer Bhatti is Michael Jacksons biological son. “Yes, I knew he had another son, yes I did. He looks like a Jackson, acts like a Jackson, can dance like a Jackson. This boy is a fantastic dancer.” Oh no. What does Joe have in mind? Omer will chop off his foot if he knows what’s good for him. (source = radar)

LINDSAY LOHAN - Either Lindsay Lohan went blond again, and looks like hell again, or Dina Lohan looks terrific. (source = mavrix)

GEORGE CLOONEY – These are just more pictures of Clooneys new girlfriend, taken yesterday in Miami. I thought maybe the other ones were just bad angles. Um, they were not. She does have a hot ass though. Maybe she can learn to walk on her hands. (hq jump here)

Screw you George Clooney

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 2:50 PM

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George Clooney has nailed Charlize Theron, Kelly Preston, Vendela, Salma Hayek and Brooke Langton, and we’re not even up to his top 3 yet. That would be Shannyn Sossamon, Krista Allen and Lucy Liu.

But he also reportedly did it with Teri Hatcher and Ellen Barkin (not at once), and he was married to Talia Balsam (this chick) for 4 years, until 1993.

Now he’s dating 30-year-old Italian actress Elisabetta Canalis, and she’s not all that good looking either. She has a hot body but so what. So do I, that doesn’t mean George Clooney gets to date me.

The only thing I can guess is that he has to reset his penis every few months, and so he sticks it in a regular model instead of a supermodel. Like downshifting a fancy car so it can catch it’s breath. You can’t go around sticking your penis into Krista Allen and Lucy Liu all the time. It’s too much. Too exciting. It would be like telling a retarded kid he gets to live at Magic Mountain now, with all the Pepsi and funnel cakes that he can get his fat fingers around. He would hyperventilate and spaz out and be dead in a week.

(hq jump here. source = pacific coast)

These kids are so screwed

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 1:40 PM

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Michael Jackson died 36 days ago, and there’s still no plan to, you know, bury him, but the family has had more important things to do. Like deciding who raises the kids. In other words, who gets the money. Well today a deal was struck, and the winner is…

The kids will be growing up Jackson.
Averting a potentially ugly custody battle, Michael Jackson’s mother, Katherine, and his ex-wife Debbie Rowe have reached a deal.
Rowe agreed to terms that will give the 79-year-old Jackson matriarch full custody in exchange for visitation rights.
Rowe would not be receiving any financial windfall as part of her decision to give up her parental rights and not challenge the custody arrangement in court.
“It’s an agreement…for the best interests of the children. This is not a money deal. There’s no situation better for these children than to be raised and reared under the care of Mrs. Jackson,” her lawyer said.

You can say that again. We shouldn’t judge her based on the army of weirdos and perverts that she raised. This time is gonna be different. It would be like if someone borrowed a car. And brought it back on fire, then asked to borrow another one. And then they brought that one back on fire too. And this happened 8 more times. And then they asked for three more cars. I say give her a chance. I’ve just got a lucky feeling.

Imogen is easily relaxed – UPDATE

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 12:00 PM

Imogen Thomas & chelsey

Model Imogen Thomas was at a pool in Spain yesterday when suddenly one of her friends ripped her bikini off and the two of them ran around topless. And while I appreciate them showing me their tits, I can’t condone that kind of horseplay. Wikipedia says over 2 million kids die every year from running around pools. No actually I just made that up, but wouldn’t it be awesome. Kids are so GD annoying.

SEXY UPDATE – now with 2 new pics

(NSFW pics are here. source = splash news online)

Gemma Atkinson is a good model

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 11:34 AM

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Model Gemma Atkinson and her new boyfriend Liam Richards (not pictured) are in the Caribbean this week, and I have no idea who the hell Liam Richards is, but he should walk around taking pictures of every thing he sees and cherishing every moment, because this is undoubtedly the best week of his life. Maybe he can fuck a golden beam of sunlight or a big box filled with diamonds one day, but other than that, Gemma Atkinson is pretty much the best thing on earth.

(20 more pics, sort of, here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

Mel Gibson “attacked” someone

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 11:33 AM

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Radar Online says this morning that Mel Gibson allegedly assaulted a man last night at a club in Hollywood, and now the poor little lamb has filed a battery report with the LAPD. Another way to describe it is that Mel Gibson never touched the guy, maybe never even saw him, and police think this dork is making the whole thing up. TMZ says…

…cops believe it was impossible for Gibson to have even made contact with him. They tell us Gibson was wedged in a booth with his pregnant girlfriend and couldn’t have grabbed the guy’s shirt.
We’re told the “victim” was asked to walk away at least 3 times before the alleged incident. Security told him no photography was allowed in the club, but he persisted.
Cops say witnesses tell the same story — the guy is making up allegations of battery. No one saw his shirt ripped when he left the club.

Even if we join this sweet little thing on his journey to Make Believe Land, where everything he says is true, and then we somehow doubled all that, are you fucking kidding me. A ripped 4 dollar t-shirt is not assault. At worst it’s an accident, at best it’s foreplay.  Maybe next he can sue the Parks Department for new pants because he wet his after getting chased by a bee.

Kanye didnt say that about Michael

By brendon July 29, 2009 @ 3:41 PM

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A couple of hours ago, people started passing around this quote by Kanye West, who seemed to be crowning himself “the King of Pop” now that Michael Jackson has died (by the way, day 34 since he died. Still no funeral in sight. Awesome).

“You know everyone loves and respects Michael but times change. It’s so sad to see Michael gone but it makes a path for a new King of Pop and I’m willing to take that on. There’s nobody who can match me in sales and in respect so it only makes sense for me to take over Michael’s crown and become the new King,” said West. “First there was Elvis, then there was Michael, now in the 21st century its Kanye’s time to rule. I have nothing but respect for Michael but someone needs to pick up where he left off and there’s nobody better than me to do that. I am the new King of Pop.”

Idolator is quick to point out that the source seems to be some Onion rip-off that no has ever heard of. Many didn’t realize it was a joke because the sites idea of parody is to factually describe a likely situation. Along with 100 percent of the people who are Kanye West, this site had the upper hand because they knew what they were saying, although reasonable, wasn’t true. The jokes on us, my friends, but hold your head high. You’ve been had by the best.