lindsay weighs 95 pounds

I broke up with a girl one time, and we had a huge fight about it and she desperately wanted to get back together, not because she would die without me, but because she said she was awesome and I sucked and she was insulted that I would have the nerve to break up with... read more

salma hayek might be cool

The screencaps that went online today of Salma Hayeks hacked Mac email account might be the most boring thing on earth, unless you count thesuperficial. She hasn't even changed her dam desktop from the purple space thing that comes with it. All she does is reset her... read more

shhh, dont wake her

Walking around with your eyes closed and a dress that is about to fall off is okay, I guess, especially when you’re as hot as UK model Elen Rives, but what I like to do is close my eyes and then chop up a big pile of vegetables with the sharpest knife in the kitchen. It... read more

what is this show about, again?

The “Hannah Montana” movie is having it’s London premier right now, and Miley must be thrilled that this other trick showed up because Miley is dressed like Barbara Bush in comparison. Is she supposed to be there? I know this kid is thrilled right now because he just came... read more

nice catch ben

Ben Affleck is generally said to be a very nice guy, but if he could go 10 minutes without looking like a complete doofus that would be terrific. The cast and crew of his new movie took a break to play some football yesterday, and the first pass thrown to Ben sort of... read more

hahaha, you suck hayden

It’s probably sad that Hayden Panawhatever got robbed last week but I can’t stand that stubby bitch so fuck her. TMZ says...Law enforcement sources say Hayden returned from vacation on April 15th and discovered around $15,000 worth of jewelry was missing ... there were no... read more

the edge is very popular in malibu

U2 guitarist The Edge is pissing off his new neighbors around Malibu because of his plans to build (you’re probably thinking “one” aren’t you”) five mansions on an ocean side cliff. And it turns out that building things on unstable crumbling rock teetering over the ocean... read more

those are nice shorts

Vanessa Hudgens wore a baggy mans shirt and seemingly nothing else at a nursery (plants not kids) in LA yesterday, and it’s probably safe to say that if photographs had closed-captioning, like from a narrator or something, it would just be 2 minutes of grunting sounds and... read more

afternoon headlines

RUBINA ALI - police in India have found no evidence that her father tried to sell the “Slumdog Millionaire” actress for $400,000. Wait I thought it was 300,000? See, this is why you always bring the coupon when buying Indian kids. (source = the AP)BRITNEY SPEARS - Ryan... read more

wow beyonce really sucks

I have no idea what “board feed” is, but Howard Stern somehow got the raw board feed of Beyonce live on the Today show, performing that song she stole from that hot blond chick (this one), and it’s hard to even imagine anyone has ever been worse at anything than Beyonce... read more

lindsay is doing great

Lindsay went shopping yesterday with her sister Ali (is she still trying to be famous? I feel bad for her. Wait, no, I meant to say, “I feel mad at her.” Go away rat-face), and the Daily Mail thinks you shouldn't be able to see her rib cage like this.Her cream halter-neck... read more

would you?

Would you rather fuck Helen Mirren or Kirsten Dunst? I can’t even begin to guess under what circumstances it might happen, but I really hope Helen Mirren (seen here at yesterdays London premier of “Dumbly Named Movie”) never hits on me, because I think I would fuck her. I... read more