The 2009 MTV Movie Awards started 5 minutes ago, and not even Megan Fox can make me look forward to this crap. Andy Samberg is not funny, and if anyone thinks otherwise you’re an idiot and you’re wrong. I tivo’d a show about German panzers in North Africa in WWII yesterday and I kinda wanted to watch that but I’m obligated to watch this. Not only would the show about tanks be a better show, it would probably have better jokes too.
Teri Hathcer is in Miami today, and so far this is the only good picture I can find to prove that (full size here), and it might not count as proof either because that looks too good to be Teri Hathcer. She looks less C3PO-y than normal in this. Maybe the water brought her back to life. She normally looks all stiff and brittle. Her vagina must feel like you’re having sex with a dress stuffed with hay.
SEXY UPDATE – now with more proof, from wireimage.
ANGELINA JOLIE – was taken to the hospital this morning after she bumped her head and started bleeding while performing a stunt for her new movie, “Salt”. But then she went back to work because everything is fine. That was a good story wasn’t it? (source = us.com)
DAVID HYDE PIERCE – said this morning that he married his partner Brian Hargrove in a quiet ceremony in October. Many we’re surprised by this until they remembered who David Hyde Pierce was. Then they said, “Oh well sure, I can see that.” (source = the ap)
JON AND KATE PLUS 8 – are being investigated to determine if the show is in accordance with child labor laws. “I can confirm that our bureau is conducting an investigation,” said Christopher Manlove, a spokesman for the Pennsylvania Department of Labor.
It’s not known exactly … um … wait … was that guy’s name “Manlove”? Oh there’s no fucking way. (source = people.com)
PHIL SPECTOR – was sentenced to at least 19 years in prison today for the murder of actress Lana Clarkson. He’s 69 now, so it’s likely he will spend the rest of his life in jail. But he’s a frail old white millionaire with a history of assaulting women, so at least he’ll have lots of interesting new friends. (source = star)
KATIE PRICE – when I tried downloading these, I kept getting error messages that said “can not handle file”. And when I opened the pics I knew why. I think it meant all of us. We can’t handle the file. On account of the sexiness. (source = splash)
Linda Hogan says her daughter Brooke bes’ stop lyin about her, or else she’ll face some vague, poorly-thought-out retribution. OK magazine says…
The Hogan family has been going back and forth lately, with Brooke Hogan laying accusations of drug use at her mother Linda Hogan’s door. Linda then responded by saying her daughter had breast implants, among other things … “[If] Brooke continues to spew lies on behalf of her father’s lame attempt to distance himself from the reality that he is no different from the homicidal OJ Simpson, [Linda's new boyfriend] will be forced to put aside his paramedic/firefighting career path and release an album called ‘Redemption’ which will easily surpass any of Brooke’s records sales.”
I’m not really positive that selling more records than Brooke Hogan would give anyone bragging rights over anyone else. Those dogs who bark Jingle Bells and the Spooky Halloween Sounds cd at Hallmark probably sell more than Brooke too. It would be like bragging about beating Lindsay at a drug test.
UNSEXY UPDATE 2 – k, so the Jamie Chung pics were, um, “taken down by request.” The part about bigshot photographer Randall Slavin still stands though.
An inexplicable number of celebrities have defended Chris Brown since the night he punched Rihanna in the face a hundred times. Kanye said we should give him a break. Terrence Howard said he’s a good guy. Diddy loaned him his mansion in Miami just days after the incident. But at least Eve is justifiably angry and not shy about saying so. After Brown posted this video online Wednesday, Eve made 5 entries on her Twitter.
- hold on hold on!! im just gonna reach out to some of ya’ll out there and say this bluntly, why do ppl keep tryin to protect chris browns ass
- hes guilty until proven innocent, and no man should ever raise a hand to a woman, im so sick of people kissin his ass..yeh i did just watch
- a clip of him saying he isnt a monster…yeh motherfucker u are. let him or any other man come to me with power fists..id fuck him up.
- and a message to rihanna…girl your beautiful and talented and u dont need a nigga like that around u…ur special and deserve better…
- & finally,no we dont no wat happened that night, all i no, is seein rihannas beautiful face bruised and upset..thats enuff 4 me.
It’s true we don’t know exactly what happened that night, but if Brown has an explanation for how Rihanna got into his car looking great and got out looking like something that landed here in a spaceship, I’d love to hear it. I agree with Eve. Although I would have anyway because I’ve always thought she was hot, and since she used to be a stripper I feel like we could go on just one date, and she’d, ya know, do it.
(really seems like we should be able to see her tits in these pictures from last years aussie mtv awards, doesn’t it? hq picture jump here)
Britney strutted around Santa Barbara yesterday on the set of her new video, untroubled by thoughts of a bra or lung cancer, although in these pictures it looked more like a hillbilly version of “My Super Sweet 16”. “Happy Birthday pumpkin, we gotcha that tractor, the fancy German one!” “Oh Mai Gawd Noooooo! Nooo this is red, I said black, I wanted da black one! I hate you Daddy, you done ruin’ everything!”
(jump straight to hq pictures here)
(note: people from the south email me whenever I call Brit a hillbilly, so I’m just gonna mention one last time that I grew up like an hour from where she did. In fact, here, here’s a google earth of my parents house. Now look here. See all that stuff to the right of the red dot? That’s ten million acres of alligators and illiteracy. So when I call Britney a hick, it’s because it’s like looking in a mirror)
If anyone thought Candy Spelling would use today to backtrack from yesterdays comment when she essentially said her daughter Tori killed Aaron Spelling, well then I’d like to introduce you to Candy Spelling, because this is obviously the first you’ve ever heard of her. In todays Huffington Post she writes…
I didn’t intend to create headlines. I was asked a question about my daughter not speaking with my family, and I answered truthfully. My husband was very ill, and he had stopped eating and taking liquids. He called Tori on a daily basis, and never stopped asking if Tori had returned his call. We had to say no every day.
Actually that’s a blatant lie. She was never asked about Tori not speaking with the family. She was asked about the Beverly Hills mansion and what that was like for the two kids, and then this:
HOST: “Are things getting any better, I know that both of you have spoken in the media about how you’re trying to work on your relationship?”
CANDY: “(incoherent stammering) … I’ve always been trying to work on the relationship, I don’t know what the anger is. My daughter one day decided that she wasn’t speaking to my husband, myself and my son, and that’s how it’s continued for the last, oh gosh, 4 or 5 years.”
HOST: “I feel for you, it’s a very sad situation, because I know I would want my mom, I mean she is a part of my kids lives and I would love to see that for you because you’ve got two beautiful grandchildren.”
CANDY: “Yes and you know what, and it was sad because that’s what killed my husband actually, he just didn’t wanna live after that, he had done everything he could possibly do for his daughter and then she wanted no part of him once he couldn’t do anything for her.”
So Candy is the real victim here it would seem. The host asked if things we’re getting better and then said well good luck. Candy had no choice but to eventually confess that Tori murdered her dad. They practically water-boarded that sweet old lady.
TYRESE GIBSON – sang the National Anthem at the Lakers game last night and decided it would be a good idea to replace “our flag was still there” with “our Lakers were still there.” And so he did, and it was. His new version is interesting because it doesn’t make the slightest bit of God damn sense. “The Lakers were still there”? Where, floating above Fort McHenry? Because that’s what you just said dipshit. Hopefully someone else can change the words “Tyrese is not bleeding” to “Holy Shit I think that dude is dead.” (source = e!)
COURTNEY LOVE – she denies that she owes AmEx $352,059.67, because she claims those charges we’re made on 140 different cards issued in her name. Does shit like this happen to anyone but her and Homer Simpson? (source = tmz)
HALLE BERRY – I would kill at least 10 people if she would let me feel her tits for 30 seconds. At least 10. Probably more. Probably way way more. And I don’t just mean homeless people, I mean little kids who just got a 2400 on the SAT. Just look at her. Fuck those kids. (source = flynet)