mel gibson really loves getting blow jobs

By brendon July 14, 2010 @ 2:12 PM

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The fourth Mel Gibson audio clip is now online, and this time he threatens to burn his girlfriends house down because she didn’t give him a blow job. In his defense, blow jobs are awesome. During an argument about Oksana apparently falling asleep before sex, Mel screams…

“I should’ve woken you up and said fucking blow me bitch! I should’ve fuckin’ woken you up and said blow me! You would’ve liked that better, yeah? But you need the goddamn sleep!”

And when Oksana says she fell asleep because she was waiting to meet him in the jacuzzi, Mel gasps for air then yells…

“Waited and waited? What, two and a half fucking minutes!? You’re fucking snoring. Don’t you dare … I deserve to be blown first! Before the fucking Jacuzzi! Ok, I’ll burn the goddamn house up, but blow me first! How dare you!??!”

Women are always complaining that men don’t express themselves so I don’t know what this bitches problem is. Mel tries speaking from the heart and basically says he has a burning desire for her, but no, he didn’t word it exactly the way she wants it and nothing is ever good enough because women always have to find something to complain about. Typical.

heather graham is still in a bikini

By brendon July 14, 2010 @ 2:11 PM

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Heather Graham is still in Ischia, Italy, and still in a bikini, and while it’s true that she doesn’t look as hot as she used to, she’s still Roller Girl and she still looks great and if I ever had sex with her I’d come so hard I’d lay there twitching like someone hit me a taser.

(source = inf daily)

wednesday headlines

By brendon July 14, 2010 @ 11:23 AM

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RIHANNA AND CHRIS BROWN - might be reconciling. “It’s been almost a year since they last spoke, but Rihanna felt like she could try to be friends with Chris again. Seeing how emotional he was [at the BET Awards] really touched her. She’d never seen him like that before.” Well then I guess he’s changed. Punching girls in the face was probably just a fad he went through, like snap bracelets or acid wash. (celebuzz)

KATE GOSSELIN - sounds so delusional I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic. On the topic of dating again, a source says, “Kate’s confidence is amazing. She thinks she is a fantastic catch. Not only does she think she has never looked better, Kate also now has a ton of money. As far as she’s concerned, there is nothing not to like. She’s beautiful, rich and thinks of herself as very easy to get along with.” Nothing not to like? How about a vagina that probably looks like something hanging out of a buzzards mouth because more kids have passed through it than the gates at Disneyland. (popeater)

PENELOPE CRUZ AND JAVIER BARDEM - secretly got married earlier this month in the Bahamas after dating for the past 3 years. The story would have broken sooner but these two are so god damned dull everyone kept falling asleep when they tried to write it. (e!)

ANNALYNN MCCORD - went to the Hollywood premier of “Inception” last night in this awesome dress. And although she’s great she might want to avoid this color from now on. With the way her ribs stick out she looks like a sexy greyhound. (wenn, getty)

alex curran is in a bikini

By brendon July 14, 2010 @ 10:07 AM

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Alex Curran is a 23-year-old model from England, and she’s married to Steven Gerrard (this lead footed jackass), but the reason she’s here is because she’s in Ibiza this week and yesterday she was in a bikini. Gerrard is taking a break between bombing in the World Cup and getting back to work in the Premier League in August, but if I were him I’d take my time. That girls body is bad ass, who cares about soccer. I could get shot in the eye with an arrow and I’d still stay on that beach all day.

(actually i don’t know why i called gerrard a jackass. he’s one of my favorite players and that top 10 video is old but awesome. his placement on number 2 is just impossible, and he strikes the ball so god damn hard on numbers 5, 3 and 1 it’s amazing it didn’t burst into flames. if there wasn’t a net for number 3 he would have killed at least a dozen people.)

marissa miller makes baseball way better

By brendon July 13, 2010 @ 6:15 PM

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The MLB All-Star game will be played tonight, but much more interesting was the celebrity softball game. Because Marissa Miller was in it. And she ran around wearing pants that showed off her amazing body and an ass so rock hard you could use it to open jars.

liv tyler picks her nose

By brendon July 13, 2010 @ 4:44 PM

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As if the sight of Liv Tyler didn’t already make my dick shrivel, with her big fat ass and a chest so flat it makes you think her head is on backwards, today she decided to really go for it by picking her nose at the table during breakfast in Los Feliz. Her friend looked appropriately disgusted, but Liv didn’t seem to notice. It seems silly now but I always assumed the worst thing about having a meal with Liv Tyler would be that she would eat all my food. That image now seems almost charming by comparison.

(source = pacific coast news)

its jenna dewan in a bikini (plus fatty channing tatum)

By brendon July 13, 2010 @ 3:56 PM

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You could teach a donkey how to scuba dive before Channing Tatum will ever deliver a line in a movie without looking and sounding like he has a concussion, so to see that he’s also kinda fat only adds to the baffling mystery of his success.

And yet here he is, enjoying life on a beach in Italy with his wife Jenna Dewan and Jeremy Renner, both of whom are too cool to be with this fatty. But in the spirit of finding something positive to say, I will admit that Tatum would do really well if there was a contest called the Faggity Necklace Wearing Championships.

(source = splash news online)

Lindsay Lohan has lesbian prison gangs lining up

By brendon July 13, 2010 @ 2:11 PM

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Earlier today, some smartass at E! wrote the headline, “How Will Mel Gibson’s Latest Rants Affect Jodie Foster’s Beaver?” And then Fox topped that by writing a lesbian gangbang rape headline with, “Lesbian Prison Gangs Waiting to Get Hands on Lindsay Lohan.” And that was an excerpt from an article in the Sun, titled, “Everyone will want a piece of Lindsay. Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren’t looking.”

Oh I know right? What a sexy day it’s been for headlines. The Sun says…

Lindsay’s A-list neighbours will be replaced with tough guards at the Lynwood correctional facility, as well as fearsome lesbian gangs desperate to get their hands on her.
(A source said) “Everyone will want a piece of her. It will make them famous if they hurt Lindsay Lohan. Or if you get her to cry, the whole ward will laugh and people will love it – even the guards.”
“The gay inmates wear their shirts inside out to let others know they are available. So if Lindsay doesn’t want someone to grab her ass she’d better keep her shirt on straight. Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren’t looking. It’s disgusting.”

And though the source notes that she doesn’t think Lindsay will get raped, she is pretty sure her life will be an unbearable hell.

“She’ll be segregated from the general population but where she’s going it is even worse. It’s the wing where the murderers are.
“I don’t think they will actually be able to get to her, but you never know. At the very least some of those hardcases will try to scare her. They’ll scream stuff to her from their cells.
“I’ve been in segregation and it was rough. The lights are on the whole time. You hear people screaming all night long. The cells are filthy and kept brutally cold. You get one tiny blanket and that’s it.
“There’s an infection going around now. You can barely sleep at night from all the coughing. And there are girls with body lice.”

While I do like the idea of Lindsay crying herself to sleep at night on her tiny diseased pillow with more bacteria than stuffing, the story was way hotter when it had to do with lesbian rape. It would be the kind of police report you could jack off to.

(the picture is Lindsay in a promo for ‘Machete’. full size pic here.)