Tuesday headlines, with Rachel Bilson in leather shorts

By brendon May 10, 2011 @ 6:36 PM

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KATIE HOLMES – is not pregnant, according to her rep, who says the picture that started this rumor, “looks doctored”. To which Tom Cruise nervously asked, “Wait, so are you saying it’s fake or that the doctor made her pregnant again?” (e!)

KELLY BROOK – was nearly 5 months pregnant with her first child yesterday when she suffered a miscarriage. “Show your tits”, I tried not to think but couldn’t help myself. (ok!)

DINOSAURS VS ALIENS – is the latest result of Hollywood randomly combining characters and themes from other, better movies (such as teens + zombies + vampires vs. aliens or Abraham Lincoln vs. vampires or cowboy + ninja + viking or cowboys vs. aliens or Jane Austen vs. zombies or robots vs. zombies or Leonardo DaVinci vs. demons) because that’s way easier than thinking up new ones. Coming soon: Jesus vs. Predator, and Hitlers brain in a dragon vs. big tittied bikini Supergirl. (deadline)

REAL STEEL – now has a full length trailer that explains much more about why you’ll hate this. (yahoo)

PAUL MCCARTNEY – will not have a pre-nup when he marries fiance Nancy Shevell, despite the fact that his 2008 divorce from Heather Mills cost him $40 million. “She let’s me stick it anywhere,” he explained. (daily mail)

RACHEL BILSON – was also at the Chanel fashion show in France yesterday. So I guess that was Mila Kunis I fucked last night. I always get them mixed up.

Kate Beckinsale is good at this

By brendon May 10, 2011 @ 4:24 PM

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Kate Beckinsale ran some errands in some little denim shorts and fuck-me heels yesterday, and it was a good example of how she pulls this look off better than any other girl in Hollywood. Because other than that her outfit was pretty conservative and she looked beautiful. She’s sexy without looking desperate. It’s like a slutty shampoo commercial.

(image source = pacific coast)

Blake Lively needs to slow down

By brendon May 10, 2011 @ 2:14 PM

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Like all of you, I’m constantly worried that Hollywood actors don’t take enough vacations, so it was a huge relief to see Blake Lively in the French countryside yesterday, at the Hotel du Cap in Cap d’Antibes, for the Chanel Cruise Collection fashion show. I bet the other 12 people on earth who can afford these clothes will buy with confidence knowing that they’ve been Blake Lively approved.

(image source = inf and fame)

Sarah Jessica Parker is trying to end poverty

By brendon May 10, 2011 @ 12:07 PM

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Sarah Jessica Parker went to a party last night for the Robin Hood Foundation, a charity whose goal is to end poverty. Because she’s very concerned. She cares a lot. But before that she put on some fist-sized diamond earrings and picked out a jewel encrusted crocodile-skin bag, then teased her hair up like she was in Poison and/or the ThunderCats. Then she went to the party. Then she went home. “If only there was something I could do,” she thought as she took off her diamonds and threw them in the pile.

(image source = pacific coast and fame)

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have split

By brendon May 10, 2011 @ 10:11 AM

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Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver first met in 1977, had their first date in 1982, got married in 1986, and had four kids. Which is probably why they’re getting a divorce now. Jesus Christ, enough already.

As the LA Times first reported last night…

Former Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver, have separated, with Shriver moving out of their Brentwood mansion while the two determine the next step in their 25-year marriage.
Shriver has been residing apart from the actor-turned-politician for the last few weeks. The former first couple confirmed the separation in a joint statement released Monday after questions from The Times.
“This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us,” the statement read. “After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion and prayer, we came to this decision together. At this time, we are living apart while we work on the future of our relationship.
“We are continuing to parent our four children together. They are the light and the center of both of our lives. We consider this a private matter and neither we nor any of our friends or family will have further comment. We ask for compassion and respect from the media and the public.”

It’ll be weird to see Arnold out on dates after this. Actually it’s hard to imagine him doing anything normal stuff. He’s so much larger than life. He’s like if the Red Skull and the Statue of Liberty had a son.

(image source of arnold and maria in santa monica on mothers day = flynet)

its Ryan Seacrests girlfriend and not Ryan Seacrest

By brendon May 09, 2011 @ 7:02 PM

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Ryan Seacrests girlfriend Julianne Hough was on the beach in Miami over the weekend in a sexy little bikini, rubbing oil on some guy who was not Ryan Seacrest. After that she no doubt spent the rest of the weekend getting sodomized by that guy, and then blowing him, and then getting sodomized some more. She must like it! What a slut!(*) Don’t even deny it, Julianne Hough, the pictures say it all; you’re a lying no good whore!

(*) according to stuff I made up just now.

(image source = fame)

the Justin Bieber vs Marg Helgenberger war rages on

By brendon May 09, 2011 @ 4:56 PM

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Last week, ‘CSI’ star Marg Helgenberger gave an interview on French radio, and it turns out that she and I agree; Justin Bieber is kind of a dick. Though her opinion is based on first hand experience, mine almost entirely on spite.

“Justin Bieber wasn’t bad,” Helgenberger explained of her 17-year old costar. “He had never acted before. I shouldn’t be saying this, but he’s kind of a brat. He was actually very nice to me, but he locked one of the producers in the closet. And he put his fist through a cake that was on the table.”

So today, Bieber fought back in the gayest way possible, by tweeting the hashtag “#killemwithkindness”, then posting…

– “It’s kinda lame when someone you met briefly and never worked with comments on you. I will continue to wish them luck and be kind.”
– “I know who i am and sometimes people r just going 2 say what they want. Keep ur head up and be the man ur mama raised.”
– “There is ALWAYS Gunna Be People Telling you can’t do something, There’s always gunna be haters, Just Keep Smiling.”

Yeah that must have been how it happened. There was a hater telling Justin he couldn’t punch through a cake. Kids can be so mean these days.

Whitney Houston is in rehab

By brendon May 09, 2011 @ 3:01 PM

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Whitney Houston has been drinking and doing drugs for about 20 years now, and she’s been in rehab twice, once in 2004 and again a year later, but apparently she still has a problem. So with that in mind she is now…

A) turning herself over to experts and following their every order to address a problem that is obviously out of her control.

or…

B) doing the absolute minimum, because that should be good enough.

Ok now let’s see what the answer is. I bet it’s surprising!

“Whitney Houston is currently in an out-patient rehab program for drug and alcohol treatment,” her rep tells PEOPLE in a statement. “Whitney voluntarily entered the program to support her long-standing recovery process.”

With this program, Whitney still lives at home and does all the same stuff she normally does, in the all the same places, but monitored by a “sober companion”. Which is someone who makes 8 dollars an hour to follow Whiteny around and lecture her. Knowing Whitney, this has success written all over it. She’s probably already cured.