At least the beach looks pretty

By brendon September 04, 2009 @ 1:54 PM

SPL123612_002

Stephanie Pratt, Kristin Cavallari, and Lo Bosworth filmed scenes for ‘The Hills’ in Malibu yesterday, and if you squint and pretend it’s a casket that Stephanie is climbing in and sailing away on like a Viking funeral these pictures are actually somewhat satisfying. If that’s working you can also imagine grabbing that paddle out of her hand and smashing her brother in the face until all his teeth break in half and stick into his tongue. The internet has widdled my imagination down to a nub, so neither of those worked for me. Instead I just turned my monitor off and admired the sexy man staring back at me. Well hello there handsome, what’s your name?

(hq jump = here. source = splash news online)

(say something nice)

By brendon September 04, 2009 @ 12:40 PM

jessica simpson paris catwalk 040909

Jessica Simpson was the big surprise guest model for Ozlem Suers fashion show last night in Paris. You may be wondering what kind of fashion designer still thinks its a good idea to have Jessica Simpson model their clothes. The answer is a fashion designer who wears leggings and what appears to be a maternity dress, and who looks sort of like Fionna from Shrek after she married Shrek. Be still my heart.

Michael has beenb laid top rest

By brendon September 04, 2009 @ 12:06 PM

reval

The program made it clear that the funeral for Michael Jackson would begin promptly at 7, good news for people like 77-year-old Elizabeth Taylor as they waited around in the blazing California heat. Just 90 minutes later the Jackson family arrived and the service began. Gladys Knight sang the hymn, “Our Father” and Michaels three children placed a bejeweled crown on his golden casket, a crown that Joe would later spend the night digging up.

Al Sharpton was nice enough to update his twitter page during the event, a star-studded affair attended Elizabeth Taylor, Barry Bonds (really?), Macaulay Culkin, Mila Kunis, Chris Tucker, Corey Feldman and Lisa Marie Presley among others.

After the service friends and family gathered at a restaurant in Pasadena, where Feldman did a quick Michael Jackson impression as a tribute. He put on a white sheet and rattled some chains while saying “boo”. Seems inappropriate.

Blake Lively is cool

By brendon September 03, 2009 @ 6:25 PM

SPL122232_020

It seems hard to believe that there was no around to step up and throw a glass of water on Blake Lively when they saw her walking around New York in a white dress and no bra. If I were 12 you would see her drenched in water and then me and some friends holding on to the front of a fire hose as it picks us up and whips us around like on the Little Rascals.

what in the hell is that

By brendon September 03, 2009 @ 4:58 PM

SPL123406_009

Ashlee Simpson has looked awesome lately on occasion (here for example) which makes these pictures of her in New York today completely perplexing. Either Helen Thomas looks terrific or Ashlee has been hexed by something.

afternoon headlines

By brendon September 03, 2009 @ 2:49 PM

171067_lindsay_lohan_-_new_york_magazine_-_cover_-_hq_122_337lo

LINDSAY LOHAN – ‘Life and Style’ points out the remarkable similarities between the women who “robbed” Lindsay and regular Lindsay. It would have been easy enough for her to truly disguise herself, but consider this: Lindsay is an idiot. (life and style)

LADY GAGA – went on The Matt And Jo Radio Show in Australia and because Aussies are cool/drunk, they asked her straight out if she was a hermaphrodite. She didn’t say yes or no, just “the subject is beneath me.” Yes, exactly, so look beneath you to where the subject is and describe what you see you creepy bitch. (hear the audio here)

PLAYBOY – is now offering Lindsay almost 1M to pose for the magazine, but she’s still being coy. This bitch is nuts. Everyone has already seen her naked (here) and she’s crazy if she thinks the offer will go higher. In another year she’ll be lucky to get a photoshoot where guys stand around and pee on her. (the sun)

CURRENT SONG – ‘Get Off’ by the Dandy Warhols. They would be more popular except no one seems to know who they are. I’m pretty savvy about the music industry. (youtube)

NOEMI LETIZIA – this is the 18-year-old who is having an affair with the 72-year old Prime Minister of Italy. Someone with bigger balls than him was unavailable for comment because they don’t exist.  (hq jump)

the venice film festival looks fun

By brendon September 03, 2009 @ 12:04 PM

DV573118

The 66th Venice Film Festival opened yesterday, and they have a huge lineup this year with premiere screenings of ‘the Informant!’ from Steven Soderbergh and Matt Damon, and ‘Men Who Stare At Goats’ starring George Clooney.

In the formal competition are ‘Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans’ with Nic Cage and Eva Mendes, ‘the Road’ starring Viggo Mortensen (based on the Cormac McCarthy bestseller), Michael Moores new loveletter to himself about capitalism, and ‘Life During Wartime’, Todd Solondz’ sort-of sequel to ‘Happiness’.

More importantly: tits! Thanks to Italian actress Maria Grazia Cucinotta, who has been bending over with her boobs pushed together as if that were a normal pose for two days now. On the red carpet yesterday, and the day before on the beach with some kids. Apparently in Italy 4 is a good age to start being exposed to seductive sexy women with huge tits. I feel cheated.

(14 more pix here. hq jump here. source = getty and splash)

Michael will be buried today. Maybe.

By brendon September 03, 2009 @ 10:37 AM

michaeljefferson

Michael Jackson died on June 25th, and it may seem odd that his family hasn’t buried him yet, but remember this: the Jacksons are a bunch of fucking retards.

But now, just 71 days after his death, MSNBC says today may be the day.

Michael Jackson’s burial will finally take place at Glendale Forest Lawn Memorial Park on Thursday. He’ll be laid to rest near many of his longtime heroes, such as Walt Disney and Nat King Cole.
Aside from immediate family, expect Jackson family confidants, such as Rev. Al Sharpton, to attend the 4 p.m. PT burial.
As for the ceremony itself, “it won’t be a religious one,” according to the family source. “The kids (Paris, Prince and Blanket) might say something, too, but the plan is to have (Jackson’s brother) Randy deliver the eulogy.”
The family has said it wants this to be a private event; however, sources close to the clan say to expect to see “private” portions surface on the A&E reality show about the Jackson brothers that is currently being taped.

Of course it’s gonna be filmed for a TV show. Why wouldn’t it be.  What’s the point in burying someone if you can’t make any money off it?  They probably had to wait so long to finish a Michael mannequin to go in the coffin, because Joe ground his bones into a powder months ago.  He stirs it up as a drink and sells it to aspiring singers.  If you want Joe to wear a big scary witch doctors mask while you stand in a circle of candles on the spot where Michael died as you drink it, that’s extra.