I’m not sure I beelee dat

By brendon May 27, 2009 @ 12:23 PM

Despite Bow Wows assurances, I’m not so sure I agree with Chris Brown when he says he’s not a monster. He put out this video last night to promote his new record, one of the first times he’s spoken publicly since that night he punched Rihanna in the face for 20 minutes, and it really cleared up a lot of loose ends. Brown says…

“I’m about to drop a single this summer for ya’ll, so, we ain’t goin’ nowhere. Everybody’s that’s haters, they just been haters. All my real fans I love ya’ll. I ain’t a monster.”

Wow that was really touching. I wish I was a girl so I could date Chris Brown.

Um … okay well that’s not bad

By brendon May 27, 2009 @ 10:33 AM

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Cameron Diaz and all the people who don’t find her irritating went for a walk together on the beach this morning, and even though she’s a fug annoying mess with bigger bumps on her face than her chest, she looks pretty good here. She’s in Hawaii in these pictures but I’m not sure what island. “Magic Flattering Picture Island” would be a good guess.

(image source = pacific coast. full size jump = here. close ups of this same set = here)

Kourtney is so much better

By brendon May 27, 2009 @ 9:15 AM

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Kim and Kourtney Kardashian went rollerblading in Miami this week, and Kourtney is clearly hotter than Kim so if she plays her cards right I may let her have sex with me, but I’m concerned because whatever race they are looks like it would be covered in hair.  That’s why Asian chicks are the best.  They have really soft skin and are practically hairless.  These two look like things could really go to hell fast down there.  In two weeks it would be like a pelt, like a raccoon tail was hanging out of her.  Like they would start to pant if it was hot out.

This post was actually supposed to be flattering.  Not so sure that worked out.

(image source = splash. hq jump = here)

Tori Spelling is doing great

By brendon May 27, 2009 @ 8:42 AM

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You may have thought Palm Springs couldn’t get any hotter, but then Tori Spelling spent Memorial Day there in a tiny little bikini. I know she’s often not considered attractive according to our western standards of beauty, but other cultures might love her. Like Admiral Ackbars. She should find out where he’s from and move there. Then she’d be all set.

(if for some reason you’d like to jump straight to the hq, you can do that here)

Pitbull has a solid right

By brendon May 27, 2009 @ 6:32 AM

Pitbull should be a Secret Service agent or something because he’s pretty calm when shit goes down. At a recent show in Aspen, he brought a guy on stage, punched him in the face and then kicked him, but at no point did the song stop and he picked up right where he was supposed to. Granted this maybe wasn’t the most formidable of opponents. That dude may be the baddest son of a bitch in Aspen, but that’s like being the most controversial pastry chef. In Aspen, the “black part of town” is probably “that dudes house”. All the white people lock their car doors as soon as they see his mailbox.

The little girl died

By brendon May 27, 2009 @ 5:57 AM

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So obviously the big news last night was the death of Mike Tysons 4-year-old daughter Exodus.  It’s possible I was slightest bit cavalier when the news broke, because I assumed it wasn’t that bad since I didn’t and still don’t get how the hell anyone could accidentally hang themselves with a power chord.  Even if she somehow wrapped it around her neck several times and then the slack got caught in the moving treadmill, it’s not like the other end is bolted into the wall.  But I digress.  This is horrific news.  Hopefully a better explanation is on it’s way.

Kim Kardashian was the big winner

By brendon May 26, 2009 @ 2:11 PM

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Michelle Trachtenberg and Emmy Rossum have a lot to learn about being famous. Kim Kardashian easily won the bikini contest at the Nivea Beach House in Malibu yesterday. In fact she was seemingly the only person who thought there was one. I have no idea WTF the “Nivea Beach House” is, but it looks like everyone had a good time. Which is surprising because one would imagine that putting this guy within 10 feet of Kims huge tits and unlimited hand lotion would have had disaster written all over it.

(jump to hq here)

Everyone really hates Kate

By brendon May 26, 2009 @ 12:54 PM

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In about three weeks time, “Jon & Kate Plus 8” went from a show I’d barely even heard of to some secret ratings giant to the most wretched thing on television. Now even Kate’s sister-in-law is telling people not to watch the stupid thing. Her reason? Well, brace yourself, because she claims it’s staged.

When the show first started, Kate made a wish list of things that she wanted, and that became the theme of each episode — the carpet, twins’ room, bunk beds, cow, hair plugs, teeth whitening, trips, etc. EVERYTHING that you see them do or buy is completely paid for out of the budget for the show or traded for free advertising … The episodes are also staged. Here’s how it works … there is a staff of people reading these blogs and they base the shows around what people are talking about.”

Is it really a surprise if Jon had an affair? Kate isn’t even remotely hot enough to justify her insufferable attitude. Bitch had eight kids. Her vagina must look like a black sheepdog panting in the summer.