carmen electra naked in maxim

By brendon March 24, 2009 @ 3:22 PM

Carmen Electra is featured in this month’s Mexican edition of Maxim magazine, and the cover says, “Carmen Electra: Chica Top Topless”.  And then inside there are pictures of her topless.  So even though I never took Spanish, I could read like 90 percent of the cover.  I’m like a Mexican 8th grader, basically, and I’ve never even been there.  Not bad, huh? 

jennifer aniston might be a jawa

By brendon March 24, 2009 @ 10:32 AM

The mystery of what Jennifer Aniston looks like was almost revealed today in New York, but that sly boots has bested the curious public once again.  Who is Jennifer Aniston?   Is she even real?   No one knows for sure!  This was as tantalizingly close as we’ve ever been.

(image source = wenn)

morning headlines

By brendon March 24, 2009 @ 8:43 AM

KIM KARDASHIAN -  “Everyone was laughing at her.”   Because she can’t pronounce “philanthropy”.  As you might guess, that came up when she emceed the Rush Philanthropic benefit.  There's no video, so just picture a whore playing Password.  “Phil-a … fila-hoppy … feel … the … throbbing?  Feel The Throbbing?!?!” (source = gatecrasher)

MADONNA – she wants to adopt another child from Malawi, but there’s a problem.  She’s a slut.  “That she is linked to another woman's husband and a young man less than half her age makes us question her morals.”  Hahaha.  Malawi still sells slaves (here) and pulls out a girl’s clitoris with their fingernails (here), and even they think Madonna sucks.  That's like getting kicked out of the Klan because they've had it with your language.  (source = daily news)

JESSICA LOWNDES – “90210” had its season one wrap party over the weekend, and Jessica bent over and pushed her tits together with her arms, upgrading her status with me from “who?” to “enchantress!”  (source = splash)

nice job lindsay

By brendon March 24, 2009 @ 7:22 AM

Lindsay Lohan has had her brand new $130,000 Maserati for about a week now, so of course it’s already been fucked up.  Why wouldn’t it be?  To be fair, she wasn’t the one driving when it hit a Subaru in front of them yesterday in Glendale, her assistant was.  But if Lindsay was the one who chose her assistant, than her assistant is an empty-headed doofus too, just like every other person Lindsay has ever surrounded herself with, so in a very real sense the wreck was 100 percent Lindsay’s fault. I’d rather have the monkey in New York who bit that woman’s face off for an assistant than anyone Lindsay chose for me.

(image source = fame and pacific coast)

lindsay just wants a quiet life

By brendon March 24, 2009 @ 6:47 AM

Lindsay Lohan has done an interview with E! online, and it clears up a lot of the crazy rumors you always hear about her “wild” private life and puts people like me squarely in my place, because I keep her from getting all the good roles.  

“People telling lies about me and all this garbage. I'm really a good person and I have a good heart and just want to work.
I don't drink, I don't do drugs and I don't lie.  I love to act and write and be creative, and I want to help people by playing characters that can send a positive message out to whomever may need it. 
If people would just leave my personal life alone—because it's really not that interesting—then I could land a great role. But all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting.
I'd like to have my own charity, do work overseas, be in Oscar-nominated films, write movies, produce movies/shows/videos, design clothes, make music, write books, etc.
It's all possible if people would just stop judging me and accusing me and making me out to be this aloof, spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person that I am not and could never be."

Poor Lindsay.  What kind of a world are we living in where a girl can’t even take a boxing lesson in a bikini without getting some kind of label.  No wonder she can’t do charity overseas or write a movie.

The Internet is always makin up these crazy stories.  Like she used her tits to get popular, or she did cocaine, or went to a fashion show with no bra, or flashed her vagina, or pranced around in a bikini every day all summer, or held a knife to Vanessa Minillos throat, or crashed her car drunk and high on coke, or stole an SUV with three strangers in it and went on a high speed chase, or kisses girls, or went to Mexico with her lesbian lover, or posed naked.  Is that stuff even true?  Who knows!  You can’t tell what’s real anymore.

jennifer aniston is an idiot

By brendon March 24, 2009 @ 6:17 AM

Jennifer Aniston broke up with John Mayer two weeks ago, but at least she had a good reason.  She went to Europe to promote “Hotel for Dogs” or whatever it was, and while she was there he updated his twitter page a lot.  That no-good son of a bitch.  A source tells the Daily Mail…

“John suddenly stopped calling her or returning her e-mails and when she would finally catch up with him, he'd say, 'I've been so busy with work. I'm sorry I haven't had time to call you back.'  Jen was fuming. There he was, telling her he didn't have time for her and yet his page was filled with Twitter updates.  Every few hours, sometimes minutes, he'd update with some stupid line. And in her mind, she was like, “He has time for all this Twittering but he can't send me a text, an email, make a call?"

“Unimpressed” and “infuriated” were two of the words attributed to this clingy bitch about Mayer updating his twitter page.  Interacting with fans, in other words.  It’s hard to believe a fantastic lady like this can’t stay in a relationship isn’t it?  She seems delightful.  Old, ugly, self-centered and obsessed with Brad Pitt.  Rrawrrr, what a catch!  I hope she never has another date, unless Chris Brown asks her to go for a car ride.

monday night headlines

By brendon March 23, 2009 @ 5:33 PM

DAVID LETTERMAN – “On Thursday, at 3 p.m., March 19, 2009, at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana, I was married to Regina Lasko."  Dave has dated Regina since 1986, and they had a son together in 2003.  And that son … was high school football phenom Rueben Randle.  Wait that can’t be right. (source = us)

CHRIS BROWN – "It's really hard for him to focus right now on his music", says Tyreese.  "Entertainers, we have to grow up on stage with a lot of people looking at us … people forget that he's only 19."  It's true. 19 is tough. I put on black eyeliner and wrote poems about sorrow, Chris punches girls in the face while they’re captive in his car.  It's part of growing up. (source = people)

MEGAN FOX – today's “Megan Fox is single” story says she moved into a hotel this weekend.  Of course at this point I'm out of Megan Fox pictures.  But word on the street is that Sofia Vergara, Columbian supermodel and Tom Cruises' target before Katie Holmes, went to the gym this weekend.  Oh my god look there she is!  (source = e! online and fame)

how was your lunch fatty

By brendon March 23, 2009 @ 3:49 PM

“Entourage” is the dumbest GD show on television, and if anyone thinks otherwise quite frankly they’re an idiot.  Oh but look, “coolest guy in the world” Adrian Grenier had lunch at Club Med in West Hollywood today, then gasped for air as he walked away and tugged his shirt down in vain because it must have shrunk during lunch.  Then he went to buy a breast pump.  For “a friend”.