That headline and banner picture are just to screw with you by the way, because in the actual pictures of Kate Gosselin in a bikini walking around her yard today, she sort of looks like hell. I don’t even wanna think about her legs long enough to write something, and luckily I don’t have to because of that stupid hat. I wouldn’t care if the earth had 5 suns, there’s never a good enough reason for a girl to wear a hat like that. This is why guys divorce their wives. Because of that hat. No hot 20-year-old has ever worn that hat. It’s like Betsy Ross went to the beach, although even that sounds hotter than this looks.
Will.I.Am and Perez Hilton have both issued statements today concerning the incident this weekend in Toronto, and I’m sure it’s just coincidence, but Will.I.Am’s statement is 172 words long, and he uses I, me or my 4 times. Once every 43 words.
Hilton’s statement is 411 words long, and he uses I, me or my 41 times. Over 10 percent of his statement is I, me or my.
Hilton’s statement (read it here) is allegedly an apology, but he does not apologize for lying on twitter when he wrote that Will.I.Am assaulted him, he does not apologize for screaming “you’re a fucking faggot” at Will.I.Am, and he specifically does not apologize to GLAAD, who earlier this week criticized his use of offensive gay slurs. To be honest it’s not entirely clear what he is apologizing for. He does however manage to work in two compliments to himself. He’s a class act.
“I am sorry that any good work I have done for promoting equality may be tainted by me reclaiming a hurtful word…”
“I am apologizing to the gay community, to anyone who was hurt by my choice of words, and to all the people who have ever emailed me to thank me for all that I have done to fight for gay rights over the last few years.”
Will.I.Am takes a slightly different approach (read it here)…
“I will not continue to comment specifically on the incident that happened in Toronto last weekend… But I would hate for my silence to be misconstrued… I do not condone harassment or violence of any kind…
No one deserves physical abuse…
And no one deserves verbal abuse…
Everyone needs to be respected…”
I hope Wills incendiary language doesn’t set Perez off again. You have to tread very lightly or he’ll scream at you. It’s like dealing with a rabid monkey.
I naturally assume that everyone is still riding the high of LSU winning the College World Series last night, their sixth since 1991, so I’m sorry to drag everyone down, but late last night Farrah Fawcetts publicist made this statement:
It was just related to me, that our Farrah just given last rites. She is not in any pain. For those who believe make contact with god now.
That was on his Twitter page, and I’m no pc homo but I don’t think it would have killed him to change out his wildly, insanely inappropriate wallpaper before making a post about his client going to see God. But whatever. I thought a nice way to honor Farrah on what may be her final day would be to post a bunch of her Playboy pictures and then stare at her tits. You stay classy Brendon!
BREAKING CRAPPY UPDATE – at 9:37am pct, Entertainment Tonight issued an alert reporting that Farrah Fawcett died this morning at the age of 62.
(the pictures start here, and I should mention that they were surprisingly hard to find, so I tacked on Melanie Griffiths 1976 shoot when she was 19 – guest starring Don Johnson and Not Shaving – and Bo Dereks in 1980. I figure they’re all basically the same thing)
Someone remind me why I’m supposed to hate Sienna Miller, because I see pictures like this and my memory gets a little fuzzy. She’s in Positano, Italy this week with bf Balthazar Getty and … oh yeah is that it? The whoring? Well he’s the one who cheated, not her. He’s the scoundrel, and if you think about it she’s a victim too. She’s like Hitlers dog. Don’t lump her in with all the bad things just because she hangs out with the guy.
Denise Richards hit up the beaches in Hawaii again today, and again she dragged her dumb kids around and never took off her shorts. So if she’s not gonna bother to care about these pictures I’m not sure why the hell I would. Especially when last night was the 2009 Face of Origin pageant in England or maybe Australia. Oh I know. Can you believe it’s been a year already? Time sure does fly when you don’t know what the hell is going on. The big favorite of course was Rachel Burr, but could she live up to the hype and take the crown? The answer is a definitive, “yes presumably. If that is indeed her kissing the trophy. The caption wasn’t all that clear.”
LINDSAY LOHAN – last week when she narked out Justin Timberlake on Twitter, it may have been because earlier that night, she “tried to dance with Timberlake, but he shooed her away.” I’m surprised. Lindsay seems like a perfect one night stand. The epitome of discretion. (source = ny post)
THE ACADEMY AWARDS – will expand the Best Picture category from 5 nominees to 10. Hopefully this means twice the actors on stage describing the movie and how amazing the acting was, and less time with shit like Best Screenplay or Best Score. Those people don’t even do anything. (source = e online)
EDDIE MURPHY – used to be so funny that he’s made unwatchable crap for almost 20 years, you’d actually have more fun at the theater if you went and paid and sat down and then the movie never started, and yet he’s still considered a comedy genius. Luckily choosing to do a movie by randomly picking a script out of a hat leaves lots of time for situps. (source = splash news)
Sometimes people will ask, “What’s the one thing you’d like to change about your personality?” I don’t know if that’s true or not, but it sounds like the kind of dumb new-age shit that would be true, so let’s pretend it is. If the answer is just some thinly disguised love-letter to themselves (“I work too hard”, “I get taken advantage of because my natural instinct is to help people”) you know that person is gonna be a complete pain in the ass, because really what they’re telling you is that their only problem is that they’re too wonderful.
Hey guess what Kate Gosselin blames for the collapse of her marriage, according to this weeks People magazine cover story.
“I was operating under the belief that marriage is forever,” she tells the mag. “So I exhausted myself trying to do everything and make everything be okay, when maybe I just couldn’t.”
She says she doesn’t feel hate, though, “I don’t hate Jon. He’s lost, he’s confused. I don’t look at him 100 percent of the time with horrible anger and animosity.”
Oohh, not 100 percent of the time, huh? I guess I had Kate all wrong. Here I was, thinking she was some black-hearted monster, but then it turns out she sometimes ratchets down her horrible anger and animosity. I feel like quite the fool right now, let me tell you.
It must be nice to be an actor, because you get tons of money and you don’t really do anything. So you can just jet over to Hawaii any time you want. Like Hilary Duff did yesterday. I’d love to do that, but I’m way too important. I just had a meeting where the general stood in front of a giant map, took off his glasses and said, “Gentleman, we have less than 48 hours”. He then informed me that my actions would be disavowed if I were caught or captured.