john and kate plus sex tape

By brendon May 07, 2009 @ 2:42 PM

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There hasn’t been anything on here yet about the scandal around Jon from “Jon and Kate Plus Eight”, because I have no idea WTF that means.  I know what the words “Jon and Kate Plus Eight” mean individually, but string them together like that and you might as well say, “Jon and Duck Window Hat”.  From what I gather there’s a TV show and Jon and Kate have 8 kids.  Terrific.  We have a real shortage of kids in this country, thank God these two had 8.

What I do know is that today a new website went up.  A website owned by an ex-boyfriend of the woman Jon had an affair with.  And there’s a video of her for sale on this website.  Okay, now try and guess what he claims she does on the video.

Hello world! This is a site owned by one of Deanna Hummel’s ex-boyfriends.
When I read the news about her alleged affair with Jon Gosselin from the show Jon & Kate Plus 8, I have to say I wasn’t surprised.
The Deanna I knew wasn’t above cheating, even with married men, hence our eventual breakup. During our time together we made a secret amateur sex tape. It wasn’t a hidden cam or anything, she was totally aware of the fact that I was taping. This has never been available to the public before. And it still isn’t…yet! But I am shopping this tape and am currently in negotiations with sites about selling it.

Mr. Wonderful includes a screencap of some of the hot blurry action you can see if you buy his tape.  Or you can see the entire sex tape right now for free on sites like this.  I think someone needs to go back to Fake Sex Tape Selling School.  I bet Rule 1 would be, “Find a tape the public has never seen.”  There shouldn’t be any need for a Rule 1B, but if there was it would say, “that means DO NOT take the tape off the internet.  Other people have access to the internet as well.  That’s how the stuff you see when you’re on the internet got there.”  This leads to Rule 1C: “You took it off the internet, didn’t you?  That’s the only possible reason you would still be reading this.  You took it off the internet and someone busted you and now you don’t know what to do.  Well you’re on your own genius, and I’d like to remind you of our No Refund policy.”

london book signings are way better

By brendon May 07, 2009 @ 1:05 PM

Aisleyne Book Launch Party (USA AND OZ ONLY)

I’ve only been to one book signing, and that was for some guy who wrote a book about haunted civil war battlefields. And I didn’t really “go” as much as I was, “getting coffee at the Starbucks inside Barnes and Noble and his little table was uncomfortably close to the end of the line.” As I pretended to study the menu from 50 feet away, he said, “Hey. Hi. Welcome.” And I said, “Oh. Hello.” And he glanced down at his stack of pristine books and nodded. And so I said, “Uh, so, haunted civil war battlefields, huh?” And he said, “Yeah, yeah that’s right. Ever been to any?” And I said, “No, I’m not … a ghost.” Thankfully the line moved after that.

I can’t remember why I thought that would be a good story, but the book signing in London yesterday for UK reality star Aisleyne’s new book had to be even more exciting, but only because most of her breast was hanging out for the majority of the night.

(image source = flynet, and here she is topless on big brother)

Paula Abdul has still got it

By brendon May 07, 2009 @ 9:58 AM

Paula Abdul mocked the very premise of her own show last night when she lip-synched her new song on “American Idol”, and no one expects you to watch this whole clip, because that would be mean, especially since you only need to see two things to understand her idiocy:

Around the 2:20 mark, a nice young man helps her across the stage (it’s more reminiscent of what you would see in a nursing home going in the direction of the bathroom then, say, a Britney concert) and, while wearing a headset microphone, she’s starts singing into a second microphone on a stand. This has led some to assume she was lip-synching, because if you notice, the audience wasn’t blown out of their seats and pressed against the back wall which is what would have happened if her “connecting to the internet with dial-up” like voice had been boomed through two microphones.

Around 3:06, she’s crawling on her knees and then eventually kind of lumbers up to her feet and twitches for a while. If you can’t get this video to work, just imagine the silhouette of a penguin woofing down a whole fish but set to crappy music. I’m sure in her mind she’s poppin these moves at a hundred miles per hour, but in reality it looks more like a senior citizen exercise video specifically designed so you can also do it from a seated position if need be.

this is much better

By brendon May 07, 2009 @ 8:12 AM

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These new pictures of Kelly Ripa in a bikini are very much like the other pictures of Kelly Ripa in a bikini, except greener.

(image source = splash and mavrix)

kiefer is under arrest. sorta.

By brendon May 07, 2009 @ 6:26 AM

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I have a hard time accepting that a quarter-inch cut (this) after a slight altercation requires police action, but apparently it does, because – according to a story broken by the Daily News – Kiefer Sutherland will surrender to prosecutors, maybe as early as today, to face a minor assault charge for head-butting designer Jack McCollough Monday night in New York City.

Sutherland will be charged with third-degree assault (and) issued a desk appearance ticket for the misdemeanor – meaning he won’t be jailed and will be free to travel before he’s arraigned.
A friend (says) Sutherland felt bad about the bizarre display.
“Kiefer is sorry it happened. Absolutely. It’s terribly regrettable,” the friend said.
Still, they insisted Sutherland lashed out because McCollough bumped into actress Brooke Shields and didn’t apologize.
Sutherland’s lawyers are expected to work out a cash settlement with McCollough.

Jesus Christ, really?  How about instead of Kiefer surrendering to the police, McCollough surrender to a karate class and learn how to fight.  Kiefer barely touched him.  I’ve done worse things than this to people I like.  If a quarter inch cut = third degree assault, I don’t even wanna know what staple-gunning a dudes nuts would be considered.  Treason?

very important site news

By brendon May 06, 2009 @ 2:04 PM

playmate of the year 050509

If you’re the kind of person who enjoys resetting passwords, brace yourself because you may come in your pants when I tell you the big news.  One of the reasons we moved some things around last week was because the old admin page had some security, um, let’s call it “flaws”.  So we had to lock all the old passwords, and now to keep every thing safe you have to do that “forgot my password” email thing.  We would do it for you, but we can’t.  And also it’s time you took some initiative and made something of yourself.  Your mother and I are worried sick.

So if you’ve registered here before with an email and password, click here to get instructions on what to do next.  And if that shit sounds boring, you can go just go over here and see naked pictures of Ida Ljungqvist, who was named Playmate of the Year on Monday.  Your call.

Please keep your voices down

By brendon May 06, 2009 @ 1:33 PM

30693PCN_Lohan

Luckily Lindsay was too, um, “sleepy” to notice that the Maserati on loan to her from a guy who produces porn movies got scratched up by the valet last night in LA. Because if you’re a skinny young nymphomaniac with big tits, it might not be the best idea in the world to get in debt to a porn producer. Unless her plan is to work off the money she owes by blowing guys on tape. And if that’s the case, well then by all means go for it.

natalie is between two ferns

By brendon May 06, 2009 @ 1:02 PM

When Zach Galifianakis tells Natalie Portman that he’s got, “a bigger dick than that”, does he mean the dogs dick or the dog itself? Because if he means the entire dog, I bet Natalie was like, “oh really…” And they they’d do it.