lindsay will not be arrested later today

Yesterday it was pretty exciting to hear that Lindsay Lohan would be held by customs and arrested as she tried to re-enter the United States because she had a warrant out, and bail was set at 100 grand. Hooray! But of course you can pay 10 percent of your bail and... read more

lindsay is so dumb it takes your breath away

Very obviously the reason Lindsay didn't come back for her court date is because she didn't feel like it. The flights weren't full and no one stole her passport. Now Lindsays mom says she has a new passport, to replace the "stolen" one, which is fascinating because the... read more

the warrant has been issued for lindsay

Lindsay Lohan was of course due in court today because she hasn't met the terms of her probation, but she skipped that because parties at Cannes have an open bar. So this morning a warrant was issued for her arrest, and bail was set at $100,000. Her attorney spoke for... read more

this is that guy kendra had sex with in the tape

Star is reporting that the guy Kendra has sex with in her sex tape is named Justin Frye, and that he can be seen in a number of exxxtreeeme! youtube videos riding motorcycles and, in the one above, in camo shorts at the Fight-Like-A-Girl championships. He wins the fight,... read more

Kardashians

In my dreams, I visit the Kardashian home and make sweet love to each and every one in the house, over the age of consent, natch. I always wake up in panic sweat just as I hear Bruce Jenner begin to man-moan. Which Kardashian would MacGruber most like to nail? He said... read more

lindsays lies might be come back to haunt her

The problem with randomly lying about any and all topics is that it's impossible to keep your story straight, especially when you're dumb or drunk or high or, more likely in this case, all three. Monday Lindsay said she couldn't get a plane ticket because all the planes... read more

Airline Travel

Remember when Kevin Smith got kicked off Southwest Airlines for being a human jelly doughnut? That's the kind of dude I'm always squeezed between on six-hour flights from hell. How does Macgruber handle travel stress? He had to go to the emergency room once because he put... read more

julie bowen is a good talk show guest

Julie Bowen is probably best known as the star of ABC's acclaimed comedy ‘Modern Family', but from now on she should be known as a very easily relaxed talk show guest. She went on Lopez Tonight, and when the topic of her two new babies came up, she showed a picture of... read more

Crazy Twilight Freaks

Twilight's brought together moms and daughters more than any phenomenon since the invention of the period. Is there any Twilight cast member that makes MacGruber shiver in his shorts? He actually works out at the same gym as "Taylor Lottner" [sic]. Or at least he thinks... read more

megan fox quit, was not fired from transformers 3

Deadline Hollywood is defending their story that Michael Bay essentially fired Megan Fox from 'Transformers 3', and while Megan confirms she won't be in the movie, she says the choice was hers... "Megan Fox will not be starring in Transformers 3," reps for the actress,... read more

Celebs who adopt

After her husband dipped his wick into that Nazi stripper chick, Sandra Bullock immaculately conceived an adopted baby. Would MacGruber ever adopt a kid to ease his inner pain? MacGruber tried to adopt a waitress from the Senor Frogs in Mazatlan a few years back—it was a... read more

lindsay has not applied for a new passport

For someone who lies as much as Lindsay Lohan does, you'd really think she'd have a better grasp of how it works by now. Just because some lonely idea has appeared inside your drug riddled mind doesn't mean it was the winning plan. When Lindsay claims all the flights are... read more

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