Brandy Norwood hasn’t had sex in years

By brendon October 20, 2010 @ 11:54 AM

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Last week on ‘Dancing with the Stars’, Brandy admitted that she hasn’t been “intimate” with a man in 6 years. Some thought that meant she hadn’t had sex in 6 years, but that isn’t what she meant at all. Oh never mind actually that sort of is what she meant.

“I haven’t been with a man seriously and in love in six years,” says Brandy, 31. “And, honestly, I tend to abstain if I’m not in a relationship.”
So has she been celibate for six years? “Um, no. But it’s been a long time. We’re talking years.”
The opportunity has certainly been there. She even confirms her interest in rapper Flo Rida. “I was very interested in him. I mean, how can you not be, he’s very attractive. But there was just something about us that didn’t click.”

Yeah because you’re a weirdo. When two people are in a relationship, they have sex. That’s it. End of story. Anything else is just weird. I didn’t think they even still made people like this. It would be like going to buy a computer, and one model was 8 feet wide and had a big rotary dial on it, and one green and one red lightbulb on top that lit up to let you know if it solved your problem yet.

Hennifaa Yopez has still got it

By brendon October 19, 2010 @ 7:25 PM

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Jennifer Lopez had a concert last night in San Juan, Puerto Rico, and apparently the only thing worse than her attitude is her thighs. She looked fine at first, but when she left the stage you could see her big fat legs jiggle up the stairs. Up close, her thighs look like old dog shit. And if you saw that in your yard you’d bring your dog to the vet, and the vet would run some tests and you’d have to buy some super special dog food.

Katy Perry and Russell Brand might already be married

By brendon October 19, 2010 @ 5:54 PM

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Katy Perry and Russell Brand will reportedly get married this weekend in a lavish ceremony in India, but this morning Brand was out in London with a new gold band on his ring finger, causing outlets like the Sun to put on their detective caps and try to figure out why.

I truly, TRULY, do not care one way or the other, and maybe this is just my thinly veiled racism coming out, but I don’t think the US would recognize a wedding in India. I think they have to have a civil ceremony with a judge, in England and the US, to make everything legal. Maybe they already did that. So, yeah, they’re already married. There you go. It’s baseless conjecture like this that has made me such an internet sensation.

(picture source = pacific coast news)

Taylor Swift is whining again. About John Mayer this time.

By brendon October 19, 2010 @ 3:45 PM

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Taylor Swift, who is 20, briefly dated John Mayer, who is 33, last year while collaborating on her record, and since every bad date this vindictive lunatic ever goes on gets a song about it, it’s a safe bet that the song on her new album called ‘Dear John’ is about Mayer.

The album won’t be released until Oct. 25, but Yahoo Music has the lyrics.

“Dear John/I see it all now that you’re gone/Don’t you think I was too young/To be messed with/The girl in the dress/Cried the whole way home/I should’ve known.”
“It was wrong/Don’t you think nineteen’s too young/To be played/By your dark, twisted games/When I loved you so.”
“My mother accused me of losing my mind/But I swore I was fine.”
“You’ll add my name to your long list of traitors who don’t understand/And I’ll look back in regret I ignored what they said/’Run as fast as you can’.”

Gee Taylor, maybe your dates would go better if the guy didn’t live every minute under the pressure that if he does something wrong, you’ll make him look like an asshole in front of millions of people.

Luckily, in this case, Mayer can write songs too. I think a good song would be one about a guy who worked really long hours locked in a room with this young needy slut who made it clear she was ready to give it up, so the guy was like, yeah okay why not. But she was horrible in bed and super clingy so he bailed. The song is called, “Two Can Play This Little Game, Dumb Ass”.

Kelly Brook is a really good model

By brendon October 19, 2010 @ 2:43 PM

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Kelly Brook is great, and Playboy is great, and yet somehow Kelly Brook in Playboy was not great. Except for this picture. And this one. I can’t post more because, instead of thanking me for helping to get the word out about their magazine, Playboy actually yells at me. Oh I know right!

Luckily, she’s done an all new naked photo shoot, and now it’s game on. If i were ever around Kelly and someone gave her a shirt and told her to put it on, I would punch that person right in the face.

(NSFW WARNING – there be monsters past this point. monster titties that is!)

Read more >

psst. hey. hey Uma Thurman. I think you missed some.

By brendon October 19, 2010 @ 9:58 AM

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When Uma Thurman arrived for the premiere of ‘David Mamet’s A Life In the Theatre’ last night, her look was tight and clean and polished, the epitome of New York high society. Then a few hours later she had some white powder on her nose and her hair looked like someone just got done fucking her mouth. This sounds like a really good play.

(picture source = wenn and getty images)

Anne Hathaway has no problem with nude scenes

By brendon October 18, 2010 @ 5:51 PM

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Anne Hathaway has had two pretty famous nude scenes (‘Brokeback Mountain’ and ‘Havoc’), and since girls don’t generally stop being awesome overnight, she says she’ll keep doing them, and even has some in her new movie, ‘Love and Other Drugs’. People says…

“These are people who have no trouble taking their clothes off – in a way their bodies are their currency,” the actress, 27, says of her nude scenes with Jake Gyllenhaal. “But they’re terrified of exposing their vulnerability – of becoming emotionally naked.”

To be honest I have no idea WTF that has to do with anything, because, just like in real life, the hot girl started talking and I sort of drifted off while biding my time until I could see her tits. Unlike in real life however, here on the internet, it’s gonna work! Today I’m the big winner!

(NSFW WARNING – from this point on, it’s nothing but rampant nudity, starring Anne Hathaway)

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Dr. Peter Venkman kept the Scream Awards ghost free

By brendon October 18, 2010 @ 2:13 PM

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Bill Murray won Best Cameo for ‘Zombieland’ during the Spike Scream Awards Saturday night at The Greek Theater in LA, and he accepted the award dressed in his full ‘Ghostbusters’ gear as Peter Venkman, PhD. It was a real slap in the face to Spike and their prestigious award. No one wants to see this buffoonery. He ruined the whole show!

(picture source = getty images)