Miley Cyrus covered Nirvana “Smells Like Teen Spirit”

By brendon May 03, 2011 @ 11:51 AM

This video of Miley Cyrus and her nasally voice doing a cover of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” during a concert in Ecuador last week could be worse, but only if that girl from the Ring crawled out of your screen and started stabbing you.

Lindsay Lohan is still Lindsay Lohan

By brendon May 03, 2011 @ 10:37 AM

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Whenever Lindsay Lohan gets in trouble, which is a lot, she always makes a big fake effort before her sentencing to pretend like she’s changed. Like when she checked into this sober living house or went to this homeless shelter. It’s only to impress the judge, and after that she never goes back.

Sticking with that pattern, yesterday she got a jump on her 480 hours of community service by going to orientation at a women’s shelter. “And did she attend this orientation in a see thru shirt with her tits out,” you ask? Of course she did. Why wouldn’t she. Those women have been through worse, what’s one awkward conversation while trying to pretend they can’t see her tits gonna hurt.

(image source = fame)

Sean Penn still hates America

By brendon May 02, 2011 @ 5:54 PM

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It’s awesome timing that, just about 24 hours before thousands of strangers all over America spontaneously wrapped themselves in the flag and gathered in the streets, Sean Penn was once again reminding everyone what a spoiled, self-important douche he is. The New York Post says…

Saturday night at the annual White House Correspondents Association dinner … Penn caused a stir right off the bat when he wouldn’t follow everyone else in putting his hand over his heart as the room stood and sang “The Star-Spangled Banner” at the Hilton International Ballroom.
The surly star then spent dinner all over new flame Scarlett Johansson. “She plopped down in his lap, and they were kissing,” described a shocked witness. The two left the room for “an hour,” sources said, and Penn came back to the table with his tie askew.

So, even while at a fancy government event, with the President of the United States, Sean Penn can’t be bothered to honor the flag. Because he’s an actor, and he’s read some stuff, and he’s conflicted, man. “What sucks the most is that I can’t talk to Sean Penn about it,” Sean Penn often thinks to himself, tortured by the knowledge that no one else is smart enough to understand what he’s going through.

Teri Hatcher might be using botox

By brendon May 02, 2011 @ 3:53 PM

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Teri Hatcher organized a “Red Carpet Yard Sale” for St. Jude Children’s Hospital over the weekend, and when asked what her goal was, she cocked her head back like C3PO and spoke out of the middle of her lips since that’s the only part of her face not frozen into stone by botox and said…

“Rell, ren hildren get shick, ofden dimes, dere ramaries cannot pay der mills, and rut re hope to ashieve is…”

Umm, so, I think most of the kids thought she was a statue and once she started talking they began yelling about a monster and it was hard to hear what she was saying, so I didn’t catch all of it, but I’ll assume it was more good stuff like that.

(image source = flynet and wenn)

Scarlett Johansson has new red hair, old grey boyfriend

By brendon May 02, 2011 @ 12:59 PM

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Scarlett Johansson showed off her new red hair Saturday night at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in Washington DC. After that she and her boyfriend Sean Penn went to a party at the home of the French Ambassador, who spent the rest of the night dropping hints that grew less and less subtle about an orgy or partner swap.

(image source = splash news)

Monday morning headlines

By brendon May 02, 2011 @ 11:56 AM

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MARIAH CAREY – gave birth to twins this weekend in LA (a boy and a girl though their names have not been disclosed), then renewed her wedding vows with Nick Cannon in a ceremony conducted by that mushmouth Al Sharpton. Or at least she thinks she did. It’s entirely possible she’s now married to Al Sharpton. (thr)

JUSTIN BIEBER – had eggs thrown at him in Australia this weekend. Eggs? Is there a battery shortage down there I don’t know about? (huff post )

LINDSAY LOHAN – might plead no contest on her felony theft charge. Funny how she lost the will to fight right after bin Laden died. Coincidence? (popeater)

FAST FIVE – set box office records for biggest opening of 2011, biggest opening ever in April, and biggest opening ever for Universal as it pulled in $145 million worldwide this weekend. Let the Oscar buzz begin! (deadline)

VANESSA HUDGENS – was in a bikini down in Mexico with Ashley Tisdale this weekend, though you’d barely know it from the pictures, which focus on Tisdale for some reason. I think the photographer has low self esteem. (splash news)

Maria Menounos is perplexing

By brendon May 02, 2011 @ 10:15 AM

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I often hear people talking about Maria Menounos and I can never understand why, and the pictures of her in a bikini this weekend in Miami aren’t helping. This might as well be a gallery of drivers license photos. That’s how sexy they are.

I know you’re never gonna make it to the end so I’ll just tell you that she actually wore two bikinis, neither of which helped the fact that her boobs are so floppy it look’s like someone swung her around by them.

Osama bin Laden is dead

By brendon May 02, 2011 @ 9:27 AM

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It’s hard to get excited about the typical stuff on this dumb little website when Osama bin Ladens dirty corpse has crabs picking at the holes in his face, because, if you haven’t heard, a Navy SEAL team, armed with a lingering grudge, orders to kill, and the God-like power of the American military, stormed a mansion in an affluent suburb outside Pakistan’s capital this morning and shot him and a few other no doubt deserving targets in the head. Then they dumped his body in the ocean, which reportedly has something to do with a quick Muslim funeral, but hopefully only after letting everyone on board piss on it.