Go kill yourself Michael Bay

By brendon July 02, 2009 @ 2:37 PM

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“Transformers” is a movie based on toys about giant shape shifting robots from outer space. They can turn into cars and planes and stuff.  Some are good, some bad.  The good robot leader is a descendant of other good robot leaders, which apparently means robots have sex and give birth to descendants.

Megan Fox suggested that this type of movie is driven by special effects:

“I mean, I can’t s— on this movie because it did give me a career and open all these doors for me. But I don’t want to blow smoke up people’s a–. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting.”

This is going to be hard to believe, but the director is offended by that. Us.com says…

“She says some very ridiculous things because she’s 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do.
Bay says he “100 percent disagrees” with Fox.
“Nick Cage wasn’t a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck … Shia LaBeouf wasn’t a big movie star before he did Transformers — and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from Bad Boys,” he points out.
“Nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her and put her in Transformers,” he says.

Bay gives 6 examples of his star making wizardry and all 6 are wrong. 2 of his unknowns had already won Academy Awards, 3 were the lead in their own TV shows, and Megan Fox was in “Bad Boys 2″, so apparently Bay is so good he can discover people twice. But even if he did, uh, it’s Megan God Damn Fox.  It would be like LeBrons high school coach bragging because he noticed him during tryouts.  Oh, so you noticed the 6’9” 12-year-old who just scored 50 points in a 4-minute scrimmage?  What, is that unusual or something?  I’m not an expert like you and Michael Bay.

(the pictures below don’t exist by the way, because they were taken before 2007, when no one in the world knew about Megan Fox.)

Michael Jackson headlines

By brendon July 02, 2009 @ 11:54 AM

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(note – the normal Michael Jackson headlines are here, the sexy ones, today featuring Nell McAndrew naked in Loaded magazine, are over here)

THE MEMORIAL – will be held tomorrow at Staples Center in LA. Family, friends and VIPS will have seats on the main floor, but the public can pay $25 to sit in the stands.  T-shirts that were going to be sold on Michael’s upcoming “This Is It” tour will be sold outside.  So, cool.  I was afraid they might do something tacky.   (source = radar)

THE DRUGS – Jackson was spending around 50 grand a month on prescription drugs, including 40 vicodin a day, and used a number of aliases to score all that, including Omar Arnold and Jack London.  These are dumb, but better than his original ones, Demi Rawl and Luara Set.  (source = the sun and tmz)

THE SECRET GIRLFRIEND – a bodyguard told Sky News that Jackson had a long-time secret girlfriend, but he did not say who, instead leaving it up to her to decide if she wants to go public. When asked for a comment, Perez said, “that’s bullshit, she should be outed, everyone should be outed all the time, fuck them.” (source = fox news)

THE WILL – Jackson gave his entire estate to his family, cut out ex-wife Debbie Rowe, and named his mom as guardian for his three kids.  Diana Ross was named as a backup guardian if something were to happen to his mom.  His mom is 79, but Ross is 65, so I’m not really sure he thought this all the way through.  (source = national enquirer)

THE BROTHER – Jermaine Jackson said on NBC this morning that he wishes he had died instead, and that Michael was “a gift from Allah.”  And this isn’t really relevant but one time on a job interview I started every answer to every question with, “Well the honorable Elijah Muhammad teaches us…”.  Needless to say I didn’t get that.  (source = huffington post)

ohai

By brendon July 02, 2009 @ 10:10 AM

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Jessica Simpson sang the National Anthem yesterday at the opening ceremony of the Tiger Tourney, a charity golf event in Bethesda, Maryland, hosted by Tiger Woods.   So here are some pictures and the amazing true facts behind them.

PICTURE 1 – holy fucking shit.

PICTURE 9 – most girls find my 14 pound penis to be “too big”.  Could Jessica be the woman I’ve been searching for?

PICTURE 15 – people say there’s never any black people on Tyler, but here you can kind of see Tiger Woods’ ear, and this appears to be his chin. Suck on that, critics!

PICTURE 16 – horizontal stripes, huh? That was a … uh, interesting … interesting choice. Um … you know what never mind.

PICTURE 23 – here, Jessica laid a few fingers on boyfriend Tony Romo. Out of habit he then threw the ball to the safety and fell down.

PICTURE 30 – he’s making that face because he just came in his pants.

(16 more pics here. hq jump here)

afternoon headlines

By brendon July 01, 2009 @ 6:40 PM

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KARL MALDEN – died today at the age of 97. He won the Academy Award in 1951 for “A Streetcar Named Desire”. How did he die?  What am I, a scientist?  (source = yahoo)

R KELLY – might have had his home raided by Chicago police today searching for evidence of statutory rape. Reports say his current girlfriend is 17, the age of consent in Illinois. Police want to know how old she was when they started “dating”.  This is bullshit.  A guy marries a 15-year-old, makes a sex tape with a 14-year-old and forces another 15-year-old to get an abortion and all of a sudden he gets labeled as some kind of pervert.  (media take out)

AUBREY O’DAY – is the likely replacement for Mel B when Mel ends her run in “Peep Show”, the topless show at the Planet Hollywood casino in Vegas.  And my fist is a likely replacement for his teeth if this guy next to me at Starbucks doesn’t stop talking so loud.  (source = fox news)

GEMMA ATKINSON – The UK model is in Australia this week, doing whatever the hell all this is. (hq jump = here)

This is more like it

By brendon July 01, 2009 @ 4:51 PM

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The last time there were bikini pictures of Denise Richards, she once again kept her stupid denim shorts on, and so I summoned up my courage and said I’d had it with her non-ass showing shenanigans.  Then I posted pictures of different girls who weren’t so stuck up.  It’s part of my tough love program.  And now, well what do we have here?  Denise with her pants off and all wet, looking hot again.  Mariah Carey was right, I am a hero, in fact we all are in our own special way.

(7 more pics here.  3 bonus pics because it would have been a shame to crop them here and here and here.   hq jump here.  source = splash news online)

Knock it off Katy Perry

By brendon July 01, 2009 @ 3:44 PM

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Look how hot Katy Perry can be when she’s mute and for 5 minutes stops dressing like a high school girl with a head injury.  Like in these pictures from Esquire magazine.  She’s pretty with a nice body and huge tits, but she insists on drowning all her hotness like it was a baby girl in China.  It’s like her plan is to not be sexy, but instead to be as annoying as possible as often as she can.  And so far, mission accomplished.

This should lighten the mood

By brendon July 01, 2009 @ 2:27 PM

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When my grandfather (my moms dad) died, during the viewing my dad and I were in the front row and for no real reason I asked him if he signed the guest book. And he said, “No. Why is there a raffle?” And that’s not the greatest joke in the world or anything but because we weren’t supposed to laugh we of course burst out laughing.

I know I’m rambling and no one cares but that banner picture of Ryan O’Neal saying goodbye to Farrah Fawcett at her funeral today is so sad I don’t even wanna think about it. Kate Jackson and Cheryl Ladd paid there respects, but other than that her service wasn’t exactly star-studded (a little somethin for the ladies).  It was however super Hollywood-y. By that I mean lots of offensively inappropriate short dresses and low cut tops. Look at this whore.  This is Emily McEnroe, so I guess Farrah was her aunt, and that dress is ridiculous. I have belts that go down further than that.

(21 more pics here. hq jump here. source = splash news online and getty)