Star Wars: The Sitcom

By brendon April 06, 2010 @ 2:14 PM

It’s awesome that Red Letters ‘Star Wars’ prequel reviews have gone viral in the past view days, because he LOL’ingly points out (in a review that’s longer than the movie) that George Lucas is a retard who has no idea WTF he’s doing. ‘Empire Strikes Back’ is the main reason people love ‘Star Wars’, and that’s the only one Lucas didn’t write or direct.

And it’s a good thing, because when Lucas gets involved, shit like this happens:

In the latest attempt to wring every possible cent out of Star Wars, the head Jedi has announced plans to spin off an untitled animated comedy series that “will look at the saga’s characters with a playful and irreverent tone,” per Lucasfilm.
Helping to oversee the hijinks will be former Scoobster Seth Green, who’s earned Emmy nods for spoofing the Skywalker gang in his Robot Chicken.
“It’s crazy to think that there aren’t normal, mundane everyday problems in a world so well-defined,” says Green, hinting at the show’s premise. “What do these characters do when they’re not overthrowing Empires?”

Yeah, because that’s the interesting part about a Jedis life. The everyday stuff. The movies never really explained what would happen if Luke ever forgot his anniversary, or if Han Solo and Chewbacca opened a restaurant. It kinda wrecked the whole movie because I didn’t know.

nicollette sheridan got slapped in the face

By brendon April 06, 2010 @ 12:06 PM

Nicolette Sherdan

Nicollette Sheridan has made some astounding claims about Marc Cherry, the creator of “Desperate Housewives,” alleging he SLAPPED HER IN THE FACE after she questioned something in the script, then fired her when she threatened to tell on him. No one likes a tattle-tale, Nicollette.

Nicollette is suing for assault and battery, gender violence and wrongful termination.
Sheridan is suing for more than $20 million.
Sheridan says during the 5th season, Cherry put her in his crosshairs. She claims on September 24, 2008, he physically assaulted her after she questioned him about something in the script. According to the lawsuit, “Cherry took her aside and forcefully hit her with his hand across her face and head.”
According to the suit, after the alleged incident, Cherry went to her trailer to “beg forgiveness.”
Sheridan says she immediately reported the incident to ABC, but Cherry’s aggressiveness only worsened and ABC failed to take action.

But according to the LA Times:

“While we have yet to see the actual complaint, we investigated similar claims made by Ms. Sheridan last year and found them to be without merit.”

In Cherrys defense, actors are usually idiots and shouldn’t question anything. Just say the words on the page, monkey. Of course that’s no excuse to slap her in the face. What a dickhead. Someone should go kick that guys ass. Not me though. He sounds mean. And I’m to pretty to risk.

michelle hunziker in a bikini, part 2

By brendon April 06, 2010 @ 11:26 AM

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As was first reported yesterday in a Tyler exclusive, Swiss models are attractive, and to illustrate this point pictures of Michelle Hunziker in a bikini on Miami Beach were thankfully included.

My claims caused quite a controversy, so today I was going to post pictures of me dressed as a Mathamagician for Halloween in the 11th I mean 5th grade. But then I thought new pictures of Michelle in a bikini might be more persuasive, so we’ll try it this way first.

is there a sandra bullock sex tape? no.

By brendon April 06, 2010 @ 10:53 AM

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Yesterday the internet was all ramped up because there was a story claiming Sandra Bullock had a super deviant sex tape with Jesse James.

It includes James smearing feces on Bullock’s upper lip during various types of anal sex, lots of profanity hurled from both parties, and a leather clad James, sporting a Hitler moustache with brown hat with a swastika, ramming a handcuffed Bullock’s asshole with a shotgun in his left hand.

Seriously? Are we being serious? Sandra Bullock. Getting anally raped. With a shotgun. And she filmed it. Seriously?

Jesus Christ.

Read more >

tuesday morning headlines

By brendon April 06, 2010 @ 9:34 AM

htgb2

JOSLYN JAMES - is the porn star who thought she was in ‘Pretty Woman’ and she and Tiger Woods were gonna go to the polo match hand in hand. She “retired” from porn to hold press conferences to cry a lot and demand respect, but now she’s going back to porn. Mission accomplished! (nypost)

AUDRINA PATRIDGE - may have broken up with Ryan Cabrera this weekend after they had a fight in Vegas. “This is so typical of Ryan”, is what I might say if I had any idea who the fuck that was. (page six)

KE$HA - has a terrible body, so naturally she wore a zebra-striped catsuit for a concert in Palm Springs. Either that or it was a black catsuit that she was too fat for and now it’s ripping apart. (the sun)

GANJA GIRLS - isn’t relevant to be honest with you, but pictures of hot girls in their underwear getting high is oddly fascinating. If Northern California ever became it’s own state, they should use this picture for their state flag. I would totally move there. (how to grow bud)

tiger woods really is an asshole

By brendon April 05, 2010 @ 5:25 PM

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Elin Nordegren still hasn’t made it clear if she’s going to take Tiger Woods back after all his whoring around, but as he prepares to return to golf this week at The Masters, it seems like she shouldn’t because he hasn’t changed a bit. CBS Sports says…

The world’s greatest golfer said he wasn’t sure what to expect from fans when he showed up at Augusta National, and was pleasantly surprised when he received a warm reception. It “touched my heart pretty good,” he said.
“The galleries couldn’t be nicer. The encouragement that I got, it blew me away,” he said.
“I haven’t looked forward to that first tee shot in a long time, not like this. It feels fun again. That’s something that’s been missing,” he said. “I’ve won numerous tournaments in the last few years, but I wasn’t having anywhere near the amount of fun, and why? Because look what I was engaged in. When you’re living a life where you’re lying all the time, life is not fun. And that’s where I was. Now that’s been stripped all away and here I am, and it feels fun again.”

The best way to tell someone is lying is because they over explain everything. “I wasn’t having any fun because look what I was engaged in”? STFU Tiger. Banging whores is fun. That’s why it’s so popular. That’s he did it for years. I understand his “living a lie” point, but those quotes are the kind of thing a robot from outer space would say if you asked him about cheating and it just read off its files on human emotions but didn’t really understand what he was saying. It’s just what he was supposed to say. That’s Tiger. He’s a robot who has no idea what’s going on.

mischa bartons still got it

By brendon April 05, 2010 @ 3:43 PM

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If all you saw was Mischa Bartons face, you might think to yourself, hey this chick is kind of cute. But she’s like an iceberg. She’s a big triangle and her head is the point at the top. 98 percent of her mass is underneath.  And like an iceberg, just seeing her face lulls you into a false sense of hope and by the time you realize her horrible secret, only despair awaits you.

(source = inf daily)

jesse james has left sex rehab

By brendon April 05, 2010 @ 12:40 PM

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Jesse James was supposed to spend 45 days in sex rehab in a half-assed attempt to convince Sandra Bullock that he wanted to stop banging random whores. Now that he had been caught, that is. Now he wants to stop.

Unfortunately for him, Sandra was unmoved by this hollow gesture, so he goose-stepped out early this morning after staying just 4 days. The New York Post says…

Jesse James reportedly bolted from a sex-addition clinic after his Oscar-winning wife refused to take his phone call.
An angry James checked out of the Sierra Tucson treatment center, because Sandra Bullock, whom he betrayed with a bevy of babes, apparently wants nothing more to do with him.
Bullock is reportedly concerned that James will try for a face-to-face reconciliation.

This dork is so screwed. People love Sandra Bullock, and this tubby poser really embarrassed her. His reputation couldn’t be any worse unless he left rehab, drove to Disneyland and punched Winnie The Pooh in the face.

GROVELING UPDATE – aaaand now he’s back in.