SIENNA MILLER SEEMS NICE

By brendon July 18, 2008 @ 11:49 AM

Sienna Miller and her new lover, Baldasomething Getty, have been in Italy all week, and now Splash has new pictures of him grabbing her tits and staring at them like a 14-year-old who hired a prostitute.  There’s no audio so we can’t tell if he made a "honk honk" sound, but it's safe to say that yes he did. After this she grabs his crotch and he spins away like a shy little twinkie.  Oh, tee hee, tee hee.  Knock it off you fairy.  Be a man and tag that shit.  I would F that little slut so hard her vagina would spark and start to smoke.

(full size here, better one here, way more of these over here)



WHATS WRONG WITH KATIES HANDS

By brendon July 18, 2008 @ 10:03 AM

Much is being made today of the fact that Katie Holmes has been seen while filming her cameo on the ABC show "Eli Stone" either hiding her hands (above) or wearing gloves (here).  One picture in particular (this one) seems to have some in a breathless tizzy because her hands kinda sorta look purple (close up here).  Perez is saying her hands are turning weird colors because of some radical and dangerous Scientology purification program called Purif.  He called her hands “freakily discolored”.  I have no idea if she’s in scientology detox or not, but all of these pictures were taken on the same day as the one in question, and for the most part her hands look normal (here).  So I think what we’ve learned here is that sometime pictures do lie.  Like this one.  I don’t think they even make banana phones, so how could he be talking to someone?

FRANCOIS HENRI-PINAULT IS SINGLE

By brendon July 18, 2008 @ 8:08 AM

Salma Hayek gave birth to the child of French billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault just about a year ago, and now that baby Paycheck is all settled in, it would seem she no longer has any use for his dad.  USA Today says…

"We are sad to announce the engagement of Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault has been canceled. There will be no further comment," Hayek's rep said in a statement.

Wow, what a shocking conclusion this was.  I thought for sure one of the sexiest women in Hollywood was gonna settle down with that fug old man.  Love sure is funny sometimes.

BRITNEY HAS LOST HER KIDS (NOT LITERALLY)

By brendon July 18, 2008 @ 6:52 AM

If true this is absolutely unbelievable, but OK magazine is reporting that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have settled their child custody case, and Britney has signed over full custody to Kevin.  OK says…

In an exclusive interview with OK!, Kevin's attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan says both Britney and Kevin reached and signed off on a settlement in their custody case today.
Kaplan tells OK!, "At about 8 p.m. PT, a final settlement in the Kevin Federline-Britney Spears custody case was signed. All parties have agreed to the following: Kevin will retain sole legal and physical custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James. Britney will continue to have visitation rights which may increase over time. The agreement will be presented to the court in the morning for approval by the commissioner."

How inept as a mother do you have to be to lose your kids to someone like Kevin Federline?  It’s unthinkable.  KFeds an idiot.  I’m sure he’s been on his best behavior but he’s not gonna pay for nannies anymore.  All that money is going to weed and whores.  In a week we’ll see those kids in the yard throwing dirt on themselves to keep cool like elephants do and holding a Miller Lite to their head to stop from sweating.

JENNIFER GARNER IS PREGNANT AGAIN

By brendon July 18, 2008 @ 5:57 AM

What's been rumored for a few weeks has now been made all but official, as sources close to the couple have confirmed that Jennifer Garner and husband Ben Affleck are expecting another baby.  Garner’s former "Alias" co-star Victor Garber told Us magazine…

"Yes, she is," Garber, who currently stars on ABC's Eli Stone, told Us when asked if recent speculation was true that the couple is expecting.
A source adds, "She is five months pregnant. They are very happy."
Garner, 36, and Affleck, 35, are parents to two-year-old daughter Violet
"Honestly, that child is so inquisitive and so full of life — it’s all Jennifer and Ben!" Garber gushed to Usmagazine.com in November 2007. "I have to say, he’s an amazing dad and together, she’s a very fortunate little girl to be in that family!"

Wow, kudos to Ben Affleck.  He’s very brave.  I'm sure she's a charming little girl but if I had given birth to that goblin I would have called it quits right there.  A thousand years ago if you gave birth to something that looked like that the church would chop your penis off and burn it.

THE NAKED MILEY CYRUS PICTURE

By brendon July 17, 2008 @ 1:50 PM

You didn’t read that and actually think I was gonna post a picture of a naked 15 year old, did you.  You're a fuckin pervert.  Anyway, when the hacker guy leaked the Miley Cyrus shower pictures last week, he said more were on the way, and that there are 4 or 5 that will shock everyone.  As far as I know, he hasn’t released or sold those yet.  I talked to one guy who saw them and he said there are no actual naked pictures.  The best/seemingly illegal picture was one in this t-shirt, but from the front, and with nothing on underneath.  But I haven’t seen it so I don’t know if that’s true.  Can the Disney Channel be the source for our hilarious comedies AND erotic fantasies?  Tune in to Tyler Durden for all the breaking news.

THE SAD CARTOON TURTLE IS SMILING

By brendon July 17, 2008 @ 12:55 PM

I don’t like when the Sad Cartoon Turtle smiles, because then it ruins her nickname.  She needs to do her sexy look (ahem) for the name to work.  Anyway, Maggie went down to the Titanic, got an outfit then went on David Letterman to promote the new Batman movie.  And it’s a good thing.  I didn’t even know there was a new Batman movie until right at this moment.  At least this is a good excuse to ask every producer that hires Maggie Gyllenhaal as the sexy female lead a question:  um … really?  Seriously?  How fucking high are you?  I wouldn’t fuck her even if I had 10 dicks.  I don't know what that means but it sounds like an insult, so there.  Take that.

MEGAN FOX IS A NERD

By brendon July 17, 2008 @ 10:07 AM

Megan Fox went to the Fox All Star Party two nights ago on the Santa Monica Pier and she did it wearing this kick ass Star Wars shirt.  Woah, I think my light saber just got bigger!  Hahahaha!  Get it?  Do you get it?  I was referring to my cock.