Amy Poehler And Aubrey Plaza Are Making The Nerds All Hot

August 20, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Amy Poehler and Aubrey Plaza attended the Hollywood premiere of something called Afternoon Delight yesterday, and that must have had all of the hipster comedy fanboys going crazy, because these girls are like Viagra to them. To make it... READ MORE

Kanye West Will Appear On The Kris Jenner Show

August 20, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

One of the only redeeming qualities that Kanye West has had is the fact that he seems like he despises Kris Jenner, which is hilarious because she tries so hard to make everyone believe that her life and family... READ MORE

Lady Gaga and Perez Hilton Having the Bitch Fight to End All Bitch Fights

August 20, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Nobody knows how the war began, just that it’s been bloody. Well, not exactly bloody, but lame and retarded and taking place on social media, naturally. Apparently it all began early this year when Lady Gaga got a hip... READ MORE

Paulina Gretsky Is Engaged

August 20, 2013 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

It came down to the dude who works the afternoon shift at Jiffy Lube and top ranked professional golfer Dustin Johnson. Wayne Gretzky’s daughter chose the professional golfer to let experience up to eighteen months of marital bliss before... READ MORE

Selma Blair Won’t Stop Breastfeeding Her Kid

August 20, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I have it on questionable authority that Selma Blair is now starving her pre-school aged kid just so he’ll latch on to her motherly teat the minute they get themselves out to a shopping center, farmers market, or other... READ MORE

Joey Chestnut Tastes Defeat In Gyoza Eating Competition

August 20, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Joey Chestnut, the Michael Jordan of eating like a fucking pig, lost the World Gyoza Eating Championships to up and comer Matt Stonie. The contest was held at the Japanese American Cultural and Community Center in L.A. where Chestnut,... READ MORE

Laura Cremaschi In A Bikini

August 20, 2013 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Laura Cremaschi is Italian so she’s not as afraid of the sun as the American girls running around on the beach in Miami. Sure, she might have wrinkles when she’s 50 and spots when she’s 60, but for now,... READ MORE

Kylie Jenner Wants to Fuck Cancer With a Gun

August 20, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I remember my sixteenth birthday. My buddies covered my share of a case of Genny Light and another friend who worked the late shift at Taco Bell served us up an eight pound version of a Nachos Bell Grande... READ MORE

Hilaria Thomas Has Five Days to Give Birth or Watch Her Boobs Explode

August 20, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I was staring so hard at the pregnant swollen boobs of Hilaria Thomas that I barely noticed old Russell Crowe kissing her on the head in the park as he fingered her toy poodle’s ass. Odd, but it’s Manhattan.... READ MORE

Lenny Dykstra Out of Prison, Looking Like a Million Bucks

August 20, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Toward the end of his final felonious run, I started receiving irregular drunk phone calls from Lenny Dykstra. He always sounded like he was on the side of a freeway on a 1997 cell phone connection. I’m not even... READ MORE