Everyone hates Gwyneth Paltrow

By brendon May 19, 2009 @ 10:46 AM

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Actors are without question the worst people on earth. Dumb, lazy, selfish, arrogant, ungrateful, and spoiled beyond belief. This post is about Gwyneth Paltrow. Try and guess if it’s good.  The Sun UK says…

The claws are out on the set of Iron Man 2 with stars SCARLETT JOHANSSON and GWYNETH PALTROW going head to head.
Gwynny reckons her on-set rival is hogging the limelight and now sparks are flying between the movie’s two female leads.
“Gwyneth has become very frustrated with Scarlett. They come from different worlds and have completely different styles.”

I do not know how directors do it. Different styles?  The Hollywood Walk of Fame has 2 muppets and 3 dogs on it.  Meaning Paltrow has the same job as puppets and dogs, and at least 5 of them are as good or better than she is at it.  Sounds easy, right?

“Gwyneth has been left exhausted by the politics and a series of strenuous scenes and and is now taking a two-week break from filming.”
Hubby CHRIS MARTIN has lavished her with love and supported her at a dinner with friends in LA.

Please remember that Gwyneth plays a secretary in this movie, and the movie is not called The Secretary Who Climbed a Mountain and Wrestled Bears. It’s Iron Man 2. Her role is to wear glasses that (*SPOILER ALERT*) are actually just clear glass and not prescription and bring in pretend cups of coffee. You can see now why she’s “exhausted”.  If she has to read from an imaginary BlackBerry she might literally die.

Um … okay well that’s hot

By brendon May 19, 2009 @ 7:26 AM

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As dumb as it seems now to have thought Buffy was hot 5 years ago, it’ll be even worse with Hayden Panettiere.  At least Buffy was a good show. Haydens face is okay, but she has short little arms like a T Rex and running back legs, and her torso sort of looks like a hog would if it we’re teetering around on it’s little hoofs. Just thick all over and a perfectly flat smooth chest.

That being said, this second round of bikini pictures from Cannes are hot as fcuk. But she cheated because the cowboy hat/bikini combo is always awesome. And it distracts from whatever the hell is going on down there. Why is it all puffy? Does she need to shave or was it attacked by bees or what? If that’s just hair this is a disaster. Trying to have sex with her would be like trying to find a sheepdogs eyes.

(image source = splash. the best picture she’ll ever take in uhq = here)

Oh, the excitement

By brendon May 19, 2009 @ 5:02 AM

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These pictures of Hayden Panettiere yesterday in Cannes, spending the day on a yacht with her new limey boyfriend Steve Jones and a group that included Elton John’s homosexual lover David Furnish, Ryan Phillippe (who gets a lifetime pass because “the Way of the Gun” is the greatest movie ever made and he was cool as hell in it) and his gf Abby Cornish, sure do bring back a lot of memories. I spent my summers the same way when I was her age. Except, replace the part about sexy Hollywood friends with, “Asian kids”, and the part about a billion dollar yacht in southern France with, “robotics camp at the Stennis Space Center in Mississippi”.

Fake Tits and Hair of Atlanta

By brendon May 18, 2009 @ 2:54 PM

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Mels woman is pregnant, part 2

By brendon May 18, 2009 @ 2:15 PM

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Back at the end of April, the Sun UK reported that Mel Gibsons commie girlfriend was telling friends she was pregnant.  Then three weeks of nothing, and now today TMZ is saying the same, adding in their report that she is in her second trimester, and also a picture of Ashlee Simpson.  Take that Sun UK!

We’ve learned Mel Gibson’s girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, is pregnant with his child.  Our sources say Gibson has already told his estranged wife, Robyn, and their children about the news.  By the way, Oksana is living in a house Mel got for her. And guess what else? Until recently, Oksana was living in a house purchased by songwriter/producer David Foster, with whom she also had a relationship.

Wow this bitch really lands on her feet.  David Foster used to be married to Brody Jenners mom.  That dude could make a pile of money and walk to the moon.  Oksana already has one kid, and that kids dad was the James Bond between Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan.  She keeps dating older but richer men.  Mel better make sure she knows Mr. Burns is just a cartoon.

As beautiful as she is talented

By brendon May 18, 2009 @ 12:26 PM

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Paris Hilton is in Cannes this week, and it’s important to remember that Cannes is the worlds most prestigious film festival, but also a town that’s open to the public.  The US is on friendly terms with France, so you can just go there if you want.  So just because she’s near the film festival doesn’t mean anyone invited her to do … whatever it is she does.  If Hollywood was a gang bang porno, Paris Hilton would be the guy in the corner frantically rubbing his balls, desperate to get enough momentum going so he can get in on the action.  Alas…

(image source = splash)

Everyone hates Gwyneth Paltrow

By brendon May 18, 2009 @ 10:28 AM

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Gwyneth Paltrow is an idiot who needs to constantly be told how awesome she is, so is it any surprise she insisted that the director of her new movie judge her tits before filming a nude scene? The Sun UK says…

“Two Lovers” director JAMES GRAY revealed that Gwyn asked him to come to her trailer where she peeled off, to allay worries that having two kids had taken its toll on her.
He said: “Gwyneth told me ‘I don’t care about nudity, I’ll give you everything you need. But I’ve had two children and I just don’t think they look very good any more. Do me a favour, come into my trailer and I’ll show them to you and if you think they look OK I’ll do it.’ So I marched in there and I told her they looked great.”

So are they great or did he just tell her they were great. Sounds like he just told her what she wanted to hear so he could leave. Which is understandable. I’d rather be alone with my foot stuck in rocks at the bottom of the ocean than with Paltrow as she fishes around for compliments.

(uncensored picture here, if you’re into that sort of thing)

Fergie is bisexual, gross

By brendon May 18, 2009 @ 8:36 AM

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These “I’m a bisexual and make out with girls” stories are hot when it’s people like Angelina or Megan Fox telling them, or even Lindsay if you imagine her between the legs of someone other than that bug eyed mess she was hittin, but all that comes to a crashing halt when it’s Fergies leathery ass telling it. The Sun says…

The BLACK EYED PEAS singer (reveals) that she is bisexual. “Put it this way, I’ve experimented definitely, but I have never had a steady girlfriend.” The 34-year-old star explained: “You’ll like our next video, for I Got A Feeling, because I have a little girl-on-girl tease section of the video.
“I met the girls right before we did the scene.
“They were beautiful. They were hot.
“One of them was the director’s girlfriend — so he was happy!”

Ewwww. Picture the exact scenario she described: some fug mess with leathery old skin inspecting the sexy young girls in bikinis before the action starts. Sounds more like prostitution, or what those fat oil sheiks do before they buy kidnapped sex slaves. Rawr, how Sexy! Fergie sure is sexy!

(and yes she looks okay in the banner picture because i didn’t wanna fug up the page, but she also looks like this and this, so let’s not get carried away)