AS EXPECTED

By brendon July 14, 2008 @ 9:26 AM

As they did with the first pictures of their baby Shiloh, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will donate every dime that they collect from selling the first pictures of thier new twins to charity.  The Daily Mail says that offers are already on the table for up to 10 million dollars.

The bidding war has already begun for the first photos of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline who were born on Saturday night at a French hospital.
French papers have reported that an American magazine has already offered $10m (£5m) for the exclusive images of the new babies  -  with all the money going to a worthy cause.
After the birth of their daughter Shiloh two years ago, the couple auctioned off the photo shoot to People magazine in the US and Hello! in Britain for up to £5m with an undisclosed charity benefiting.
It is believed Pitt and Jolie are in the process of negotiating a similar deal for the photos of the latest additions to their family.

Brad and Angelina need to get off their high horse.  Hollywood stars do this all the time.  Nicole Richie took her baby picture money and got high, then said, "weed and vicodin should be legal, that shit is so good."  And Jennifer Lopez commissioned a laser beam that would turn things into bacon.  Needless to say their efforts may one day change the world.



AND OF COURSE…

By brendon July 14, 2008 @ 5:22 AM

On Saturday, the big news was that some guy claimed to have hacked into the email of Miley Cyrus, and as proof he posted these candid pictures that some might consider racy.  The hacker guy also claims to have read an email in which Miley detailed her sexual exploits with Nick Jonas of the Jonas Bothers.  Which is noteworthy because they both claim to still be virgins, a tiny fact somewhat important to thier devout Christian image.  The hacker guy goes on to say he even has a few naked Miley pictures that he is currently trying to sell.  If you're interested in buying these, contact Captain Makebelieve at NeverGonnaHappen.com, c/o the Gum Drop Pony.  Because it's not gonna happen.  I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pretty certain you're not allowed to buy and sell stolen naked pictures of 15 year olds.



YOU CAN FINALLY ADD TWO MORE

By brendon July 14, 2008 @ 4:06 AM

After weeks of rumors and random speculation, Angelina Jolie gave birth at the Fondation Lenval hospital in Nice, France, early Sunday morning to twins, a boy and a girl.  People magazine says…

"The babies are doing well. The operation went just perfectly," Dr. Michel Sussmann told PEOPLE Sunday. "Angelina is in very good spirits. Brad Pitt was at her side. He was there and all was well."
Sussmann confirmed the Nice-Matin newspaper report that Jolie gave birth to a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline, by Cesarean section on Saturday night. Knox weighed 5.03 lbs, and Vivienne 5 lbs.
The twins are the fifth and sixth children for Jolie, 33, and partner Brad Pitt, 44, who are already parents to Maddox, 6; Pax, 4; Zahara, 3; and Shiloh, 2.

I guess this is good because Angelina might go back to skinny Angelina now, but how many kids can her perfect body really take.  C-section scars and a vagina that looks like it’s sticking its tongue out at us.  Ohh, hot.

EVA LONGORIA IS PREGNANT. MAYBE.

By brendon July 11, 2008 @ 2:55 AM

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are in Portofino today, and Bauer Griffin seems to think shenanigans are afoot.  They say…

The usually svelte Eva certainly looks like she is carrying a few extra pounds… perhaps there is a clandestine passenger aboard?

I assume they’re hinting she might be pregnant, and not inferring that pirates are actually hijacking her boat, but I don’t think she is.  She just looks fat.  It’s the same whenever one of the models comes over and tells me I got her pregnant.  Whatever fatty, I'm not falling for that.



TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE

By brendon July 11, 2008 @ 2:54 AM

People have been making fun of Lindsay Lohan lately because she’s designing a line of leggings.  And people are right to make fun of her, because it’s a dumb idea.  But dumb gets dumberer when you see that Lindsay has taken an item that normally sells for around 6 dollars, and priced her version at 99, 123 and 132 dollars (see them all here).  That would be like if you designed a baseball cap, and then sold it for 4000 dollars.  But the homerun in all this is the leggings with the built in knee pads.  Clever, yes, but is it maybe still too subtle?  Guys might still not get that the girl wearing these is a complete whore.  Maybe Lindsay should include some arrows pointing towards the anus, and some LED lights around the crotch.

JAMES BLUNT HAS DONE IT AGAIN

By brendon July 11, 2008 @ 2:42 AM

James Blunt is pretty famous for banging tons of hot ass, and he’s up to his usual standards today in the French Riviera.  He’s over there to play in Antibes, whatever the hell that is.  I should probably call this dude a fag, but his military record is pretty impressive, and, to repeat, he nails tons of hot ass.  At this point it feels like, even if I tried to shoot him, he would just catch the bullet in his teeth and then spit it out and then tackle me and then grab my wrists and make me hit myself in the face again and again, all while asking me why do I keep hitting myself and "baby gonna cry?"

POOR MEGAN FOX

By brendon July 11, 2008 @ 2:32 AM

There are new stills out from "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People", starring Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox and (the totally awesome) Simon Pegg, and I think someone from casting needs to go back to casting school.  How could they put the Most Beautiful Woman In The World in the same scene with Megan Fox?  Snaggletooth lights up the screen, while poor unfortunate looking Megan just has to stand there and try not to get lost.  They should call this "Hottie and the Nottie 2".   It's not Megan's fault, I guess, just a cruel trick of fate that placed her next to my beloved Kirsten.  Frankly I'm surprised Kirsten's unsurpassed beauty even registers on film.  It's like trying to lasso a rainbow.



BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN IS A LIAR

By brendon July 10, 2008 @ 11:53 AM

Despite reports last week, reports that told the truth, Brian Austin Green says he has not been dumped by fiancé Megan Fox, and according to him, the relationship is going great.  It’s not clear why he would lie like this.  Probably because he’s a god damn liar.  Us magazine says…

"We're solid," Green, 34, says in the new issue of TV Guide. "We've lived together for three years. We have tattoos of each other's names.”
Green's only gripe about their relationship?
"We have more time away from each other right now than we'd like," he says.
Green – who has a son, Kassius, with ex fiancée Vanessa Marcil – says he "would love" to have more kids.
For now, he and Fox – who met in 2004 and got engaged in 2006 – are "rescuing pets from pet stores. We have a potbellied pig, we have dogs, two cats, two birds a squirrel.
"And Megan wants a leopard – that'll never happen!" Green adds. "That's a whole different world."

I want Megan to know that I’m getting pretty sick of Brian and his radical anti-leopard politics.  When she and I date she can get a T-Rex for all I care.  But it's no wonder he’s still clinging to her.  Remember this time last year when she gave him a blowjob him in the car, in a public parking lot, in the middle of the day?  Things like that are what make her one of the greatest women who have ever lived, and it’s why I have a 4 foot plastic figurine of her on my lawn at Christmas.