Selena Gomez is getting better at this

By brendon March 15, 2011 @ 4:46 PM

Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez was on the Late Show With David Letterman yesterday, and I’m sort of amazed that she wore this sexy lace top and short little skirt. She’s normally so conservative. It’s one of the things she and her boyfriend Justin Bieber have in common. They’re both daddies little girl.

(image source = inf daily)

Tony Hawk is sleeping with his best friends wife, pt. 2

By brendon March 15, 2011 @ 3:47 PM

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Over a month ago, on February 8th, to be exact, I mentioned that Tony Hawk was getting divorced for the third time because he’s having an affair with the wife of his lifelong friend and business partner Matt Goodman. And today Page Six comfirms that I do, on very rare occasions, know what I’m talking about, or more accurately that I know how to open email.

Wealthy skateboarding legend Tony Hawk dumped his third wife, Lhotse Merriam, for his best friend and business partner Matt Goodman’s wife, Cathy, sources told Page Six.
Merriam found out about her action-sport-star husband’s new relationship in December after she found a plane ticket for Cathy that Hawk had booked for her to join him in San Francisco — despite his being lifelong friends with Matt Goodman.
Cathy was married to Goodman for nearly 20 years, and they have two kids. Sources said Goodman and Cathy have now separated.
Hawk and Cathy were recently spotted in New York together, sources said.
Hawk and Goodman had been friends since childhood. Sources told us Goodman stood as a groomsman at every one of Hawk’s three weddings.

Now I just need someone to confirm my other exclusive from February that Charlie Sheens mom was the product of a rape. And then my exclusive report about how my dong is enormous. That one is gonna rock Hollywood to its core.

Kacey Jordan tried to kill herself

By brendon March 15, 2011 @ 3:00 PM

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Kacey Jordan of course is the porn star who was with Charlie Sheen the night he was rushed to the hospital a few weeks ago, and who then did countless interviews detailing every minute of it. But she hasn’t been able to forget about her time with Charlie. Those 16 hours really messed her up.

“those 16 hours i was with charlie sheen… messed me up… i can’t get that image out of my head…”

See, I told you they did. She put that on her twitter last night during what might have been a suicide attempt.

“i just snorted a fat line and i get a wake up call for my pedicure spa appointment in 15 min…. this is going to be a great conversation!”

“i took a bunch of pills…drank a hotel size bottle of jack… stumbled to the bathroom to weigh myself………86 lbs”

“I’m Soooo bored in this hospital bed! I wanna have someone save me… And kpuff doesn’t have underwear?!!”

The hotel intervened and the police were called, and she appears to be okay for now, in the sense that she’s not physically dead. I’m sure she’s still a complete mess in every other possible way. It maybe didn’t help when the doctor gave her her meds by telling her to get on her knees and open her mouth.

Ke$ha is gettin me all hot

By brendon March 15, 2011 @ 1:40 PM

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Ke$ha is down in Australia this week for her Get Sleazy tour, and yesterday she went to the beach. In this. After that a bunch of sharks washed up on shore after committing suicide. The only way this bikini could be any more repulsive is if it had a big rubber dick mounted to the front.

(image source = pacific coast)

Vanessa Hudgens might be naked again

By brendon March 15, 2011 @ 11:30 AM

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She hasn’t commented on it yet and made it official, but Vanessa Hudgens might have a third round of naked pictures to get leaked online, and clearly practice has made perfect, because not only does she kiss Zoey 101 star Alexa Nikolas this time, but there’s a picture that, even in this censored version (which so far is the only one online), is as shockingly raw as any celebrity picture I’ve ever seen. This one. To see something more explicit she’d have to make a child birth video.

UNSEXY UPDATE – lawyers ruin everything good.

Gilbert Gottfried fired for his Japan tsunami tweets

By brendon March 14, 2011 @ 6:52 PM

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As thousands of bodies wash up on the shores of Japan amid fears of a meltdown at nuclear power plants and as scientists warn that a second major earthquake and tsunami might be on it’s way, Gilbert Gottfried probably picked a bad time to go on twitter and make tsunami jokes, or at least he did in the eyes of his bosses at Aflac, who earn about three-quarters of their total revenue from Japan. Jokes like these…

– I was talking to my Japanese real estate agent. I said “is there a school in this area.” She said “not now, but just wait.”
– Japan is really advanced. They don’t go to the beach. The beach comes to them.
– What do the japanese have in common with @howardstern? They’re both radio active.
– Japan had put out this urgent plea….” PLEASE SEND US A FEW BIlLION RUBBER DUCKIES!!!!!”
– Japan called me. They said “maybe those jokes are a hit in the US, but over here, they’re all sinking.”
– What does every Japanese person have in their apartment? Flood lights.
– My Japanese doctor advised me to stay healthy I need 50 million gallons of water a day.
– I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.”

Needless to say Aflac fired him today

Disability insurer Aflac Inc. fired comedian Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of its iconic duck on Monday after a series of Twitter jokes about the earthquake in Japan, Aflac’s most important market.
Since 2000, Gottfried has voiced the duck in the insurer’s TV ad campaign in the United States, quacking “Af-LAC!” in the comedian’s famously abrasive voice.

Gilbert has since taken the tweets down, but he never should have posted them in the first place. I wouldn’t care if this was happening in one of those shitty countries, but Japan is cool, and has tons of incredibly hot women who make shockingly deviant porn. It’s not funny when the jokes hit so close to home.

Kelly Bensimon is in a bikini

By brendon March 14, 2011 @ 4:55 PM

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Real Housewives of New York City star Kelly Bensimon pranced around Miami beach this weekend in a bikini, showing off her ripped out body, and anyone who says they wouldn’t tap that just because she’s 42 is either gay or a liar or a gay liar. She looks like she could be Elle Mcphersons mom, though that probably sounds like more of a compliment to me than it would to her.

(image source = fame)

Ryan Phillippe got some new girl pregnant

By brendon March 14, 2011 @ 4:35 PM

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Though he’s since moved on to Amanda Seyfriend, Ryan Phillippe briefly dated an actress named Alexis Knapp, and like all girls named “Alexis”, this one was kind of slutty and irresponsible. People says…

Alexis Knapp, an actress who dated Phillippe last summer, is pregnant and, a source says, “Alexis has told friends that the child is Ryan’s.”
The baby is said to be due in June.
Reps for Knapp and Phillippe did not have any comment. But the source tells PEOPLE that “Ryan is aware of the situation [and] totally prepared to take responsibility should the child be his.”

Wait so when did they stop dating? I know girls aren’t good at math but if they dated last summer I don’t think his baby would be born this summer. In her defense, she looks 13. She might not even know where babies come from. Where the fuck did he meet her, at his front door selling cookies?

(image source = pacific coast)