TRUST ME ON THIS

Chloe Sevigny is actually kind of hot, until you look at her. She’s good from the back, and good from the neck down ... but that face. Woof. How on earth did this chick ever make it in Hollywood? Its f*cking madness. I’d rather make out with a average chick who just shit... read more

OH STFU LIFE AND STYLE

In an effort to build an insurmountable lead in the race to publish the most made up, zero-chance-of-it-being-true story of 2009, Life and Style is hinting on their website today that George Clooney is banging Paris Hilton.When Paris Hilton sat beside George Clooney at... read more

KATHY GRIFFIN IS INAPPROPIATE

Kathy Griffin co-hosted CNNs New Years Eve countdown thingy last night, and at one point as they went to commercial, a heckler was riding her (note: not literally) and Kathy came back with “Shut up! I don’t go to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth.” Which is... read more

LINDSAY CAN STILL KILL IT

Even with minimal effort, Lindsay Lohan stepped onto Miami beach yesterday and proved she can still smash every girl in Hollywood in a bikini contest. She's just so GD good at being a girl. Skinny, huge tits, super long hair. She's everything a girl is supposed to be,... read more

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU, YOUR PENIS

As god as my witness I'm not even positive who Kristin Cavallari is. I believe she’s that girl from that show. On MTV. The one where it’s supposed to be unscripted but it's all staged. Not the new one though, or the brand new one, but that other one. The older one. I... read more

IVE GOT BAD NEWS

Kelly Brook and her new boyfriend Danny Cipriani are spending the holidays in the Caribbean, and I’ve never heard of this dude until three seconds ago, but according to published reports I made up just now, he’s a homo, and he’s lying to Kelly so he can be seen with her... read more

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LISA RINNA IS NOT BAD

Lisa Rinna made news last week when it was reveled she was going to pose for Playboy, even though she’s 45 now. Her body is actually kind of hot, as you can see in these pictures taken over the weekend in Miami, and even though no one wants the see old ladies naked for... read more

MATT DILLON DRIVES 106 MPH

Honest to God if you showed me a map right now I'm not positive I could point out which one was Vermont, but I’m an idiot so maybe that’s not true for most people. Also I'm not a mapmaker so who the fuck cares. The point being, Vermont has entered my very narrow circle of... read more

NO ONE LIKES DANE COOK

We’ve all felt cheated by Dane Cook over the years, as he robbed so very many of us of our good moods and laughter, so it only seems fitting that someone would rob him too. Except in this case they didn’t steal millions of smiles, they stole millions of dollars. The... read more

IS SHE DATING THAT DUDE OR NOT?

It seems like forever since people on the internet have speculated blindly about Britneys love life, so let's do that now. Today's big rumor is that she’s dating an Indian choreographer named Sandip Soparrkar, but the Times of India (oh that’s right) is calling... read more

OH STFU SCARLETT

I don’t even dislike Scarlett Johansson, but actors shouldn’t be allowed to talk for at least 10 years after they become famous. Actors are fucking retards, and celebrity interviewers are even dumber than that, so really what's the point. You might as well ask your dog... read more

THAT TWILIGHT GUY IS TOUCHY

The print edition of Us magazine says that inexplicably popular "Twilight" star Robert Pattison was at the Improv in Hollywood when the comedian on stage made a joke about the death of Heath Ledger. Pattinson then yelled out, "fuck you, you suck". Because he was so... read more

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