Chris Brown is making exciting new friends

By brendon December 30, 2010 @ 11:51 AM

Last night, Raz B, a singer who used to be a member of the group B2K, was sittin there thinking, how can niggas like Eric Benet and Chris Brown disrespect women as Intelligent as Halle Berry and Rihanna. And so he tweeted…

“Im just sittin here Thinking how can niggas like @ebenet & @ChrisBrown disrespect women as Intelligent as @HalleBerry11 @Rihanna”

Which got Chris Browns attention. Knowing that Raz had been molested by B2K’s manager at one point, Brown replied…

“nigga you want attention! Grow up nigga!!! Dick in da booty ass lil boy.”

“Tell me this @razb2k!! Why when the money was coming in u won’t complaining about getting butplugged!” #homothug!!!

Now enter Raz’s brother, a guy who would sound a lot scarier if he didn’t call himself Ricky Romance and make videos with commercials about how to make the holidays even happier loudly interrupting his tough guy theatrics. He made a video and said…

“If I see you in LA my dude, Im’a put my mother fuckin pistol in your mouth dude, I promise you. All right, so make sure you keep them tweets to yourself my nigga, and make sure you apologize.”

At this point the death threat is interrupted to announce great holiday deals from Honda, the car company with the highest owner loyalty.

“Chris Brown step your game up my homeboy. When I see you my nigga I will smack you in your mouth nigga, beat you up drag you down the street and treat you like a little bitch my nigga. This aint no mother fuckin games homeboy. You aint welcome in LA and if I catch you alone, watch what Im’a do to you.”

Do people really still say “homeboy”? I don’t think they do. It’s like I’m being threatened by DJ Jazzy Jeff.

Jennifer Love Chewit is gettin me all hot

By brendon December 30, 2010 @ 10:46 AM

Jennifer Love Hewitt And Her Mom Out And About In Beverly Hills

Jennifer Love Hewitt paused form doing interviews about how she’s not fat and actually really beautiful to go to lunch with her mom in Beverly Hills. Which was apparently not a special enough occasion for her to not dress like a runaway. I bet if you took a box of Entenmann chocolate chip cookies, and then dumped them at her feet, I bet she would crawl around on her hands and knees and pick up at least half of them before realizing this was a test. That she failed.

the top 100 stories of 2010 (70-79)

By brendon December 29, 2010 @ 6:39 PM

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79. KE$HA - wore a bikini, despite looking like this in a bikini. Serious question: if you were forced to choose one, would you have sex with Ke$ha, or Megan Fox 1 hour after she died. Be honest. You’re fucking a dead girl in your imagination right now, aren’t you? Yeah me too. (November 11th)

78. MARIAH CAREY – got pregnant. Although I don’t know how. Seeing her naked would be so gross, if my dick wasn’t shaped like an arrow, I probably wouldn’t even remember what to do. (June 2nd)

77. HENNIFAA YOPEZ – got fired by Sony – dropped from their record label – because she’s a demanding pain in the ass that wasn’t worth dealing with because no one buys her records. In other words, no one likes her. This will be relevant in the very next sentence. (February 24th)

76. HENNIFAA YOPEZ – got hired by American Idol, despite being unpopular, unqualified, and a demanding bitch. I dare you to try this shit in the real world. (July 30th)

75. ZACH GALAFANAKIS – got Mel Gibson fired from the Hangover 2. Not that it maters because the first one was over rated and boring anyway. Half the time it was like the movie had challenged me to a staring contest. (October 10th)

74. SHIA LABEOUF – had a little hissyfit, threw a cup of coffee on the paparazzi and then took off running. I bet he runs like this when a bee chases him too. I’d like to point out that he’s been the star of several action movies. (October 15th)

73. MEGAN FOX – was either fired from Transformers 3 or quit, but she was definitely replaced by Rosie Huntington-Whitely, who is inferior in every way. Except when it comes to blowing directors apparently. (July 19th, July 20th, July 25th)

72. JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE – cheated on Jessica Biel with Olivia Munn. Nobody likes a tattle tale Olivia. (October 27th)

71. LIL WAYNE – went to jail for being in the same room as a legally registered handgun, even though he has no record of violence in any way. Well thought out laws like this is why New York is such a utopia. (March 3rd)

70. KATIE HOLMES – is the kind of girl who doesn’t need a lot of makeup. Unless she wants to look attractive, in which case she needs to be fussed over by experts like they’re restoring the Last Supper. (April 7th)

Molly Sims is in Mexico too

By brendon December 29, 2010 @ 1:15 PM

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Molly Sims is yet another famous Hollywood star down in Mexico this week, Los Cabos in her case (Cindy Crawford is there too but not in a bikini so fuck her), so if you felt like robbing a bunch of houses in the Hollywood Hills, this might be a pretty good time.

(source = splash news online)

Wednesday headlines

By brendon December 29, 2010 @ 11:27 AM

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THE 10 HIGHEST GROSSING MOVIES OF 2010 – might surprise you. Unless you already know what they are, in which case they won’t. Unless you have that Memento thing and you didn’t tat them down. Do you have that? Do you have that? Do you have that? Do I have keep asking or how does this work? (filmdrunk)

REESE WITHERSPOON – got engaged to her agent Jim Toth. It will be her second marriage (she divorced Ryan Phillippe in 2008), so, you know, it’s hell for that slut. (e!)

THE FANTASTIC FOUR – is gonna kill off one of the 4 next month, though Marvel is keeping the name of the doomed hero a secret. It’s Mister Fantastic. I think we all know it’s Mister Fantastic. That guy is useless, but it’s like the rest of the team is too polite to say anything. Like he can reach under a door and go get the key and unlock it from the inside. Meanwhile Thing is just standing there, pantomiming to the other two that he can just kick it, he can kick the door and smash it, but Sue has to deal with that shit when they get home so she waves him off, she’s like, “no, please, just give him another 10 minutes.” It’s fuckin ridiculous. (the sun)

BREAKING NEWS: Bar Refaeli got a text

By brendon December 29, 2010 @ 10:09 AM

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Bar Refaeli is still in Mexico and still in a bikini, but that’s not all she wears, and there were a few pictures of her in a shirt and jeans. Needless to say I skipped the hell out of those. By the way, is that one of those sex pillows she’s laying on? This thing. The kind you use to prop a girls ass up? WHAT A WHORE!

(source = splash news online)

the top 100 stories of 2010 (80-89)

By brendon December 28, 2010 @ 5:58 PM

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89. SANDRA BULLOCK – was the center of 3 huge stories this year, one of which was adopting the most menacing baby on earth. His first words were, “sup my nigga?”, followed by a fist bump. (April 28th)

88. CAMERON DIAZ – told the Sun, “I’m always traveling for cock.” The fact that the cock keeps running away is apparently lost on her. (June 17th)

87. CHARLIE SHEEN – got caught with a prostitute. Yes, back in April too. To be honest the last two stories are so unsurprising they probably shouldn’t even be on here. (April 14th)

86. PARIS HILTON – was out whoring around topless. Twice, in fact. And it was so sexy and exciting, it’s number 86 on this list, 5 slots behind fat pictures of Jessica Simpson. (July 19th, July 23rd, October 12th)

85. KEIFER SUTHERLAND – was thrown out of a London strip club with no shirt on, by 4 bouncers, for “disorderly conduct.” IT WAS A WEDNESDAY. God that dude is cool. (April 22nd)

84. JENNA JAMESON – held a tear soaked press conference to discuss the physical abuse she suffers at the hands of her boyfriend, UFC fighter Tito Ortiz. (fast forward 2 weeks) Oh, um, just kidding apparently. Domestic violence, LOL! (April 26th, May 10th)

83. TESS TAYLOR – was the victim of some scandalous leaked candids, showing the DD Playboy model and E! reality star getting stoned topless. This bitch really knows how to party. (April 28th)

82. MEL GIBSON – had an affair with a Polish porn star. I wonder if she ever did a real rough interracial gangbang scene where she started out dressed real slutty. That might explain why Mel was so concerned about Oksana and her outfits. (May 6th)

81. JESSICA SIMPSON – got even fatter. Honestly, is she a competitive eater now or something. (September 10th)

80. LINDSAY LOHAN – kept her crime spree alive in 2010, this year stealing a $35,000 Rolex and $17,000 in clothes. Her rehab voted her, “Best Dressed.” (March 24th, June 30th)

Stephanie Seymour is inappropriate

By brendon December 28, 2010 @ 12:04 PM

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90‘s supermodel Stephanie Seymour, who is now 42, went down to St. Barths for the Christmas holiday, and struck some seductive poses while on the beach… with her son, Dylan Andrews. Look it’s a free country and all but I just don’t think you should be presenting to your teenage son. But these models are all perverts, it’s no rules man, anything goes!