Princess Kates sister has a hot ass

By brendon April 29, 2011 @ 12:07 PM

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This morning of course was the long awaited royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton, and like all of you, it really touched my heart. Especially when they showed the tight white dress Kates sister (and Maid of Honor) Pippa wore, and the way it clung to her hot ass. Also when Kate and William stepped out onto the balcony for their first kiss. I thought it was disrespectful though when the crowd started throwing beads at her and chanting ”show your tits”. Shame on you, London.

(image source = getty and inf and bauer griffin)

I think Im in love

By brendon April 29, 2011 @ 9:34 AM

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Nicole Richie was in Miami yesterday, in a bikini at her hotels pool, and the bad news is her entire body. It’s every bit as unpleasant and androgynous as you remember it being. The good news is her face. Because she looks like a cartoon chicken, and cartoons are funny, so that’s maybe the nicest thing I’ve ever said about her.

(image source = splash news)

January Jones is pregnant, apparently human

By brendon April 29, 2011 @ 1:10 AM

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January Jones announced last night that she was pregnant, which will mean big changes for her and the father, assuming she knows who that is.

“January Jones is happy to announce that she is expecting her first child this fall,” her rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.
While Jones is keeping quiet for now on any other details, a source close to her says, “She’s really looking forward to this new chapter in her life as a single mom.”

Even though this chick might be kind of a drunk, and kind of slutty, this is still surprising because she’s clearly a robot, one who wasn’t programmed to ever smile or show emotion. Whoever had sex with her probably looked in her vagina, saw a bunch of wires and blinking lights and assumed it was ok to finish inside of her. Exactly as Skynet planned.

Mark Wahlberg and Justin Bieber are in a basketball movie

By brendon April 28, 2011 @ 6:16 PM

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Tell the black guys to stand still and set the mini trampoline under the 9-foot goal, because Mark Wahlberg (who is 5’8”) will play a mentor to Justin Bieber (who is 5’5”) in a movie about street basketball. Deadline says…

Paramount Pictures is in negotiations for what could be the dramatic screen-starring debut of Justin Bieber. He will star alongside Mark Wahlberg in an untitled drama that will revolve around street basketball and will give Bieber the chance to show off his hoops skills.
The tone of the project is described as The Color of Money meets The Karate Kid.

And the premise of the project is described as Air Bud meets Juwanna Man, since those are the only two basketball movies with equally preposterous plots.

Olivia Munn in a bikini on a jet ski for Carls Jr.

By brendon April 28, 2011 @ 4:36 PM

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Carls Jr. has once again made a commercial with a B-list star in a bikini (behind the scenes video under the cut), this time with Oliva Munn following in the unsteady footsteps of Paris Hilton and Audrina Patridge. These are such honest ads. Carls Jr. isn’t that great and neither are their models. It’s like a list of things you might consider if you were drunk.

(image source = splash news)

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Lindsay will give the homeless the greatest gift of all

By brendon April 28, 2011 @ 3:33 PM

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One time I was walking through a parking lot and I came around a car and there was this old homeless woman with a ping pong ball for an eye (literally. it was a ping pong ball with a blue circle drawn on it with a sharpie inside her eye socket) and she was squatting down next to the car peeing. And I know she was peeing because she looked up at me and yelled, “I’m peeing!”. Not in a mad “do you mind, I’d like some privacy” kind of way, just as a very loud declaration of fact.

Did she learn how to express herself through performing? I don’t know, I didn’t think to ask, but the Los Angeles Downtown Women’s Center seems to think that’s a problem homeless women have, so they’re hoping Lindsay Lohan will come teach their theater workshop as part of her community service.

Fox News says…

The workshop includes around 15 women who meet for two hours each week to learn how to express themselves through performing.
Sources said Lohan was interested in the program, adding that the troubled actress believed it would be “a perfect fit for her community service.”

You know what else would be a perfect fit for Lindsay? A orange vest, size small, which she can wear as she picks up trash. It will also make her easy to spot so I can follow behind her throwing down more trash.

Giselle Bunchen is not a very good model

By brendon April 28, 2011 @ 2:05 PM

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Gisele Bundchen was hired to be a “living mannequin” for a department store in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and either no one told her that or she doesn’t know what a mannequin is. Someone tell her to stop moving. And definitely stop waving. Jesus, she’s practically dancing in there, just hold still dummy!

(image source = inf daily)

the TSA saved us from Rihanna

By brendon April 28, 2011 @ 12:47 PM

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When you work for the TSA, you know that danger lurks around every corner, and the enemy could be literally anyone. So when they saw international superstar Rihanna at LAX yesterday, in line with a coven of witches, an unattended pit bull with a bloody boarding pass in its mouth, a skinhead wearing this shirt, and a guy from Pakistan in a dirty robe and knit cap sweating profusely and muttering prayers in Arabic, they knew they were all equally suspicious. So they stopped Rihanna, pulled her aside and gave her a body scan.

She didn’t have any throwing stars under her bra or a shotgun taped to her leg this time, but fear never sleeps, and neither will the TSA.

(image source = bauer griffin)