Afternoon headlines

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 12:00 PM

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MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY – his wife is pregnant for the second time, just 11 months after giving birth to their first child.  I hope he still has time to make a shitty romantic comedy every six weeks.  One where he and his ex-girlfriend are both lawyers and they end up going against each other would be amazing, and of course some kind of reverse “My Fair Lady” with him and Anne Hathaway needs to be done, just because Hollywood thrives on completely retarded ideas. (source = e! online)

INGLORIOUS BASTERDS – the brand new second trailer is out (see it here), and Hitler seems really upset. I should send over a Pick Me Up bouquet. It has bright daisies in a colorful keepsake vase.

MEL B – celebrated her 34th birthday this weekend at the MGM pool in Vegas.  That deck looks too slippery to be wearing heels.  She should take her top off and dry it.  (7 more pics here. hq jump here. image source = splash news online)

Will.I.Am seems reasonable

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 10:07 AM

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I don’t know if you knew this, but if you’re a guy, and you go out of your way to antagonize and provoke another guy, if you try to embarrass him in front of his friends and peers, if you call him the worst names you can think up, that may lead to a fight.  Shocking, yes?

This is what happened last night after the Much Music Awards in Toronto, according to Perez Hilton after Will.I.Am allegedly punched him. The summary is from MTV.

“And that’s when I made the split-second decision that I was going to say what I thought was the worst possible thing that a thug would ever want to hear. … I told him, ‘And you know what, I don’t need to respect you … and you’re a f–. You’re gay and stop being such a f—-t.’ And I knew that was going to set him off, but I didn’t want to get into a fight with this person, so we leave. [He] followed me outside of the club … then his manager, Polo, whom I have met before, from behind, comes up to me, clocks me in the eye and punches me two or three times. I am in shock. I just did not know what to do.”

If this we’re a Hollywood movie, no one would ever believe it. But this amazing tale really happened!  One guy provoked another guy and called him a fag and it led to a fight.  What a shocking conclusion.  If they made a TV show about this, they should call it “Shocking Conclusions”.

Jewel is wasting this

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 5:26 AM

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Jewel spent last week in the Bahamas with her husband the cowboy, and maybe it was all the kick-ass weed over there but she lightened the hell up just long enough to take a picture in a bikini (full size pic here) and then post it on twitter (here).

I’m sure someone like her finds it demeaning to get attention for her body because she’s such a class act, but if she insists on not going to the orthodontist she needs to do stuff like this. If you just saw her body you’d think you we’re looking at an ex-Playmate. If you just saw her teeth you’d think you we’re looking at something with paws and infested with ticks.

Anna Faris is easily impressed

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 4:16 AM

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Anna Faris is really really hot and really really funny, and yet what you’re looking at in these pictures is her with her new husband after they eloped in Hawaii this weekend. I think the lesson to be learned is, if you see a girl you think is hot, ask her out. Just go for it man. Because girls are fuckin weird. They will absolutely have sex with guys who aren’t even remotely in their league. Much of my sex life has depended on that. The rest has been based on pity and rags soaked in ether.

(34 more bikini pics here.  hq jump here. source = wenn, fame, flynet and splash news)

I hate mondays

By brendon June 21, 2009 @ 10:51 PM

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Shauna Sands areola look like they were taken off with a can opener, but please don’t think that would dissuade her in any way from showing her tits to strangers. Like she did Saturday in Miami. Unfortunately, if you take advantage of the fact that her tits look like surprised Garfield eyes, her tan lines mess it up and make him look sinister. I tried adding a pie because he’s fat, but he still looked like an evil villain.  After that I thought maybe lasagna would be better than pie, but then I realized I was way more concerned with making Shaunas tits appealing than Shauna was, and if she doesn’t care why the hell should I.

(10 topless pics here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

Shut the hell up Ashton

By brendon June 19, 2009 @ 2:02 PM

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Hollywood actors are often pretty dumb, and many really famous actors are practically retarded. Their job is to read a sentence and then a few days later say it out loud, and they can rarely even do that on the first try, but for some reason they think this makes them experts on a wide range of topics. This is very rarely true.  Remember when Cameron Diaz went on Oprah and said that if you didn’t vote for John Kerry rape would be legal.  Well we didn’t, and trust me it’s not.  If it was I’d be hiding in Megan Fox’s closet right now.  Oh but look, I’m rambling.  Let’s see what Ashton Kutcher has on his mind today.  Yahoo says…

“Kutcher has taken to his Twitter blog to voice support for the Iranian people – and urge US officials not to get involved in the uprising.
‘Considering how well fighting 4 freedom in Iraq went, I dont know that we should B jumping in2 this Iran deal. I think that truly the only people that can change things in Iran are the Iranians themselves and they seem to be speaking their minds now.’”

Hmm.  Should we B jumping in2 this?  I thought so be4 but now 404.  I’d like to hear what Drew Barrymore has to say about Iran before I make up my mind.  Drew, ?4U.  Srs Bzns.  I’m sending a reminder kitty kat so you don’t forget.   =^..^=

Afternoon headlines

By brendon June 19, 2009 @ 12:43 PM

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BRITNEY SPEARS – is getting married to her agent. Or something. “He didn’t exactly get down on one knee, but Brit didn’t care. She said yes … (he) held Britney for a long time and kissed her cheeks.” He hugged her and then kissed her on the cheek? What do we know about this guy? I think she just accidentally joined the mafia. (source = star)

JON AND KATE PLUS CLEVER DIVORCE PUN
– It was learned last night of course that Jon and Kate will announce they’re separating on Monday, but today Radar adds that they haven’t slept together in months. He sleeps in the garage and tries to avoid the house completely when Kate is there. And Gawker says Jon is looking for a place to live in Trump Towers in NYC. Oh well la-di-da. Too good for the garage, your majesty?

KENDRA WILKINSON
– had her bridal shower last night, and the whole night was like a princess in a storybook. That is to say if the princess was a drunken hussy with the worlds greatest body and a push-up bra. (16 more pics = here.  hq jump = here.  source = splash news online)

I apologize

By brendon June 19, 2009 @ 10:24 AM

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Yesterday I was throwing a little hissy fit because I thought Playboy was running an old Olivia Munn picture on their July cover, but today they have her pictures online and OH MY FUCKING GOD she looks terrific. She’s not actually naked, but it’s close enough. I’ve actually been working on a plan to make her my girlfriend. Here’s my plan so far: abduct Olivia Munn. Ta-da!

(hq jump = here. image source = playboy cyber club)