Angelina Jolie is still in Venice to make a movie with Johnny Depp called ‘the Tourist’, and today she filmed some action scenes in the canals. Speaking of action scenes in various canals, her ass looks terrific. I wonder if she does anal? She’s insane cool, so I assume she does. Aw god I would annihilate that. There would be smoke coming out, if she stuck her ass in the air it would look like the steam engine on an old riverboat.
Jesse James has three kids, two with his porn star ex-wife who just got out of jail, but she lost custody and Jesse is in rehab, so that means the kids are practically orphans. But then Sandra Bullock saw them in the rain, and she brought them home and raised them and then they played football.
We’re told all three kids — Sunny, Chandler and Jesse, Jr. — are all with Sandra.
Our sources say Sandra is not living at her Hollywood Hills home, which has become paparazzi central for more than a week.
One source very familiar with the situation tells TMZ, “It’s a positive sign about Sandra’s relationship with Jesse.” The source would not elaborate.
Sandra must be really nice. If someone cheated on me the way this jackass cheated on her, I’d take those bastard kids and sell them in an auction on the internet. And I don’t mean one of the classy auctions like in that Liam Neeson movie. I mean one of the sleazy ones. The kind in Spanish.
The whores from MTVs Jersey Shore brought some friggin class to some friggin gym in Miami yesterday, and J-Woww went at the heavy bag like it was one of them, “friggin darkies”. Then they went and had some smokes to cool down. That smooth blend of rich tobacco provides pure smoking flavor and helps sooth your aching muscles.
Tiger Woods isn’t playing especially well at the Masters today, tied for 29th after the first 7 holes (although in reality just 5 shots off the lead), yet this still might be the best day he’s had in quite some time. At least his wife isn’t yelling at him for once. Radar says…
The golfer’s headline-making return to the Masters has come at a steep personal cost – his wife is furious and their marriage is getting worse not better says a source who knows both of them.
“There’s a reason why Elin didn’t go to the tournament and it’s simple,” the source told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “She thinks he’s breaking his promise to her by returning to golf so soon. And as every day goes by she gets a little angrier.”
The couple fought about his golf return a few weeks ago when he first told Elin, the source revealed. “And since then she has been ice cold to him,” the source said.
It was back in December that Tiger said, “After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.” Elin probably thought “indefinite” meant more than 3 months. If so then this is all her fault. Maybe the Snow Princess should learn some god damn English or get out of America. These people, you know, they sneak in here, and they don’t even learn English.
MASTERS UPDATE – okay well then he closed out the front nine with an Eagle and a Birdie, so now he’s 3 under. Thanks for screwing up my intro. Selfish prick.
Chris Rock was on Letterman last night, and because it’s still such a touchy subject, Rock was kind enough to wait 24 seconds before mentioning Lettermans affairs. The Huff Post says…
David Letterman was suffering from a hoarse voice on his show Wednesday night, and his guest, Chris Rock, didn’t make things any easier on him.
“Dave, what the hell happened to your voice? Things going bad at home?” Rock asked. “You’re still doing the show? You’re a rich man, you could just go home! Wife still mad at you, ain’t she.”
“I was backstage, you fired all the cute girls,” Rock continued. “Got a bunch of fat old guys there! The vibe is horrible, man, horrible!”
Letterman laughed, “I tell you, some of those guys are starting to look pretty good.”
Remember when Kimmel heckled Leno on his own show? And Leno just stood there like a dullard? Do they pump opium through the vents in that place? Say something you dummy. The front doors of the Tonight Show studio are like a mouth, eating the happiness from all who pass through.
Kim and Kourtney Kardashian took Kourtneys stupid baby to the pool in Miami the other day, and Kim held him up against her hugely awesome tits. Unfortunately for him it’s all downhill from here. Those are probably the best tits he’ll ever see and his skull hasn’t even hardened yet. He’s gonna be one of those people in a mental ward who mutter under their breath and just draw circles, again and again, on everything, nothing but two big perfect circles, and no one will know what it means, except for us.
This article about Lindsay Lohan on Fox opens by saying, “Once viewed as one of the best actresses of her generation…” And it seems insane now but that really is true. When ‘Georgia Rule’ came out, the LA Times (or maybe NYT) made a big point about how good Lindsay was, and hopefully she’ll get her life together. Obviously that didn’t happen, and now even Snooki gets paid more for personal appearances than Lindsay.
“When Lindsay does get paid for attending events, she now gets $5,000 to $10,000, basically less than Snooki makes,” a source close to Lohan told Fox411.
“It is sad and it is only getting worse. The few people that care about Lindsay want her to get help, but she is scared to trust anyone, thanks to her father, and she doesn’t want to hear this. We are worried for Lindsay and where her life is going.”
Well Lindsay was out until 6am the past two nights, so it’s pretty hard to fell bad for her. Stop going out and getting drunk you dumb bitch. Or die, whatever. Who cares. You are not a unique snowflake.
Snooki gets 10 grand for a personal appearance? Why? Why on earth would anyone do that? Just bang on her food dish for a few minutes, she’d prolly run right up.
Sandra Bullock has already issued a statement denying that she ever made a sex tape, and the source of the rumor went on Opie and Anthony yesterday and back-peddled his ass off, and now Jesse James tells People pretty much the same thing Sandra did.
While Bullock denied an Internet report of such a sex tape, James has broadened the denial to also include an online story claiming he’s in at least a dozen sex tapes with other women featuring Nazi-themed paraphernalia.
“The claims of sex tapes are untrue and completely fabricated,” says a rep for James.
I heard someone say they believed the Sandra Nazi sex tape story because, until Thanksgiving, no one ever reported anything bad about Tiger Woods either. As if that’s how “proof” works. Apparently if a black male athlete in Florida cheats on his wife, then that means a white female actress in California is getting a shotgun shoved up her ass and filming it. See? It’s the exact the same thing. I can barely even tell the two stories apart. So Tiger made a Nazi sex tape with Sandra? Wait, start over.