Who the hell invited her?

By brendon September 04, 2009 @ 5:11 PM


Paris Hilton and her boyfriend who I think is named Greg also walked the red carpet for the ‘Bad Lieutenant’ premiere in Venice, and even though they at least dressed up it still begs the question, “… what?”  What in the hell are those dullards doing there?  The only time I would invite Paris Hilton and her lover to my movie is if it was a trick and I needed someone to inject with experimental AIDS medicines.

Thanks for getting dressed up

By brendon September 04, 2009 @ 4:58 PM


Mel B and her husband whose name I don’t remember and don’t feel like looking up walked the red carpet in Venice, Italy last night for the premiere of the Nic Cage sequel to ‘Bad Lieutenant’, and kudos to him for getting all dressed up. He’s the kind of asshole you see in commercials underneath a giant red X because he can’t ever do anything right. Thanks to these two the glamorous red carpet looked like a JC Penny ‘Back to School” commercial.

my prayers have been answered

By brendon September 04, 2009 @ 3:37 PM


The Sun UK breathlessly announced today that ‘Gia’, the HBO movie starring Angelina Jolie as 70′s supermodel Gia Carangi, is being remastered and released in HD. This is noteworthy because ‘Gia’ is the movie where Angelina walks around naked constantly and has sex with other girls, namely Elizabeth Mitchell from ‘Lost’. So unloved perverts pretending they’re the ones that a fully naked Angelina is begging not to leave after a night of hot sex is a thing of the past, or will be as soon as my copy arrives.

(sexy naked screencaps on the other side)

Read more >

At least the beach looks pretty

By brendon September 04, 2009 @ 1:54 PM


Stephanie Pratt, Kristin Cavallari, and Lo Bosworth filmed scenes for ‘The Hills’ in Malibu yesterday, and if you squint and pretend it’s a casket that Stephanie is climbing in and sailing away on like a Viking funeral these pictures are actually somewhat satisfying. If that’s working you can also imagine grabbing that paddle out of her hand and smashing her brother in the face until all his teeth break in half and stick into his tongue. The internet has widdled my imagination down to a nub, so neither of those worked for me. Instead I just turned my monitor off and admired the sexy man staring back at me. Well hello there handsome, what’s your name?

(hq jump = here. source = splash news online)

(say something nice)

By brendon September 04, 2009 @ 12:40 PM

jessica simpson paris catwalk 040909

Jessica Simpson was the big surprise guest model for Ozlem Suers fashion show last night in Paris. You may be wondering what kind of fashion designer still thinks its a good idea to have Jessica Simpson model their clothes. The answer is a fashion designer who wears leggings and what appears to be a maternity dress, and who looks sort of like Fionna from Shrek after she married Shrek. Be still my heart.

Michael has beenb laid top rest

By brendon September 04, 2009 @ 12:06 PM


The program made it clear that the funeral for Michael Jackson would begin promptly at 7, good news for people like 77-year-old Elizabeth Taylor as they waited around in the blazing California heat. Just 90 minutes later the Jackson family arrived and the service began. Gladys Knight sang the hymn, “Our Father” and Michaels three children placed a bejeweled crown on his golden casket, a crown that Joe would later spend the night digging up.

Al Sharpton was nice enough to update his twitter page during the event, a star-studded affair attended Elizabeth Taylor, Barry Bonds (really?), Macaulay Culkin, Mila Kunis, Chris Tucker, Corey Feldman and Lisa Marie Presley among others.

After the service friends and family gathered at a restaurant in Pasadena, where Feldman did a quick Michael Jackson impression as a tribute. He put on a white sheet and rattled some chains while saying “boo”. Seems inappropriate.

Blake Lively is cool

By brendon September 03, 2009 @ 6:25 PM


It seems hard to believe that there was no around to step up and throw a glass of water on Blake Lively when they saw her walking around New York in a white dress and no bra. If I were 12 you would see her drenched in water and then me and some friends holding on to the front of a fire hose as it picks us up and whips us around like on the Little Rascals.

what in the hell is that

By brendon September 03, 2009 @ 4:58 PM


Ashlee Simpson has looked awesome lately on occasion (here for example) which makes these pictures of her in New York today completely perplexing. Either Helen Thomas looks terrific or Ashlee has been hexed by something.