Jessica Simpson is pregnant! Maybe!

By brendon September 27, 2011 @ 4:01 PM


In other news that a tabloid probably made up, Jessica Simpson is pregnant!

In Touch Weekly can exclusively confirm Jessica Simpson is pregnant!
“She’s already having kooky cravings!” a friend shares, especially nacho chips dipped in chocolate and cheese-flavored popcorn with non-alcoholic margaritas.
Luckily, she’s not due ’til spring, leaving them just enough time to be newlyweds before new parents.

This should go without saying but Jessica Simpson eating chocolate covered nachos is hardly proof that she’s pregnant. All it really proves is that you’re dealing with the real Jessica Simpson and not some impostor. When asked for a comment, Jessica pointed at her mouth and said, “Da food go in ma tummy!”

(image source of jessica and her fiance eric something at mastros steakhouse in LA on 9.13.11 = splash and fame)

Ashton Kutcher had an affair with Britney. Or something.

By brendon September 27, 2011 @ 3:34 PM


Star magazine is expected to go to press tomorrow with a headline that screams, “World Exclusive: It’s Over! Demi & Ashton’s $290 million divorce!” Meaning Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are getting a divorce after 6 years of marriage because he cheats all the time, and that actors make shit tons of money for no apparent reason. And then they say-hold on to your hats everyone-that he had an affair with Britney Spears.

You may remember that Star said Ashton was cheating all the time last year too, and that Britney was in an abusive relationship.

Those stories didn’t work out for Star, but who knows, maybe this one will. Hopefully it will, hopefully it’s all true and Ashton bangs tons of whores if for no other reason than it would be fun to see the producer of ‘Two And A Half Men’ go all apeshit again.

(image source = splash)

Michael Jackson is definitely dead

By brendon September 27, 2011 @ 2:26 PM


Prosecutors looking to, um, prosecute Dr. Conrad Murray for the wrongful death of Michael Jackson opened their trial today by showing a photo of Michael Jackson dead in a hospital bed and playing a recording of Jackson so drugged up he was barely legible. Michael Jackson really knew how to party!

ABC News says…

Attorney David Walgren showed a photo of Jackson dancing at the Staples Center the night before he overdosed on propofol and put the picture side by side with a picture of Jackson lying lifeless in a hospital bed wearing a hospital gown.
“What happened between that time and approximate 12 hours later when Michael Jackson is dead on June 25, 2009? What you will learn through the evidence is that what happened during that time frame is that the acts and omissions of Michael Jackson’s personal doctor, Conrad Murray, directly led to his premature death at the age of 50.”

Premature? Jackson was emaciated, malnourished and high as fuck for the past 20 years. This Dr. Conrad guy sounds like a damn genius for keeping him alive as long as he did. He could probably make a normal person immortal. He shouldn’t be on trial, he should be the Surgeon General.

Rihanna got in trouble for going topless

By brendon September 27, 2011 @ 12:29 PM


“Rihanna on a farm in Ireland” sounds like a euphemism for something that’s out of place, but that describes her new video which she shot yesterday outside Belfast. Shockingly, there was a slight culture clash.

The Huffington Post says…

Northern Ireland farmer Alan Graham says he doesn’t know who Rihanna is but she must keep her top on while performing on his land.
Graham says he enforced a dress code as he watched Rihanna shoot a video Monday in his wheat field east of Belfast for her new single, “We Found Love.”
The 23-year-old switched from a flannel checked shirt into a stars-and-stripes bikini, a red bra, a mesh black top, and finally went topless before Graham climbed off his tractor to protest.
Graham says “I had a conversation with Rihanna. I hope she understands where I’m coming from. We shook hands.”

That had to be a fascinating conversation. I can barely even understand people from Boston, God only knows how someone from Barbados understood someone from Ireland. They might be married now for all she knows.

(image source = fame)

what in the hell

By brendon September 27, 2011 @ 11:13 AM


Vanessa Hudgens went to the premiere of, ‘IRIS – A Journey Into The World Of Cinema by Cirque du Soleil’ at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood last night, but only after going to the Sears maternity department to buy a dress first. This is bullshit. Her agent should have sent her right back into the house, and said, “Don’t come out until your’e wearing a cowboy hat and a leather bikini and chaps with no pants and an ivory handled Colt in each holster. Look honey, do you want to be famous or not.”

(image source = getty)

Rihanna might be lost

By brendon September 26, 2011 @ 4:56 PM


My brother and I spent the summer in Ireland one time, and the thing I remember most was we went to this Chinese restaurant in Belfast and the Chinese guy had an Irish accent. It blew my fucking mind. He was Chinese. But he sounded Irish. He had to think I was functionally retarded because I asked a million questions, none of them good, just me slack jawed and pointing to stuff like rice and saying what’s that.

Anyway, Rihanna filmed a new video in County Down, Ireland, today. And she wore a bikini in a wheat field. The theme of the video is, “a bunch of random shit”.

(image source = splash)

Britney caused an international incident

By brendon September 26, 2011 @ 4:26 PM


Britney Spears is in trouble with the government of a borough just outside London for her “lawlessness and weapon-wielding”, though I feel it’s important to note that in this case what that means is she was filming a video with pretend guns against an imaginary bank.

The Huff Post says…

Spears, who filmed her armed robbery-themed video for “Criminal” in Stoke Newington, is under fire from the London borough constituency’s local government for the shoot’s lawlessness and weapon-wielding. In the wake of the massive riots that shook the city earlier in the year, representatives want an apology from the pop star.
“I think she should apologize and make a sizeable donation to a Hackney charity that deals with young people…” Councillor Ian Rathbone, of the Hackney Council said “for the rudeness and damage she’s done to this community.”

Um… what? I’ve never actually seen a bank robbery, but I bet they rarely feature a famous celebrity in a sexy outfit, running in and out of the bank several times to make sure she looks good on camera. At least they won’t until Lindsay runs out of rich guys to blow for rent money.

(image source = splash)

um, hey there Ashley Greene

By brendon September 26, 2011 @ 2:15 PM


I have no idea what iHeartRadio is, or what the iHeartRadio Music Festival was, but it was in Vegas this weekend at the MGM, and they had Ashley Greene in a magic dress that made her boobs quadruple in size. Is there a festival for those dresses. Because I would be way more interested in attending that.

(image source = getty)