Charlie Sheen is still a boring old drunk

By brendon April 20, 2011 @ 12:13 PM

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Charlie Sheen still has another 9 tour dates planned for his Torpedo of Truth tour, and if there’s a city on there that wants to hear a bitter washed up drunk sit still and mumble, he should be all set.

Last night he was on stage in DC, while everyone else was in the parking lot on the way home. The Washington Post says the, “crowd quaked with catcalls whenever Sheen wasn’t talking about doing drugs or manhandling women”, and when he tried to get profound…

“SHUT THE [EXPLETIVE] UP AND SAY SOMETHING WEIRD,” someone yelled.

TMZ said…

Charlie Sheen’s got another bomb on his hands — our spies in D.C. tell us people are pouring out of his show early tonight.

And the Washington Times wrote…

Throughout the evening, attendees boo’ed, left the auditorium, and screamed for Sheen to “be funnier.”

So apparently the nicest thing that can be said about this is that, in that last review, if you crossed out some of the words and only read is, “attendees boo’ed … and screamed”, it sort of makes it sound like a haunted house.

Lindsay Lohan is not in any new movies, part 2

By brendon April 19, 2011 @ 6:28 PM

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Lindsay Lohan still hasn’t actually been hired to play Victoria Gotti in the movie about John Gotti starring John Travolta, but now the producer says he not only wants to (eventually) hire her for this movie, but another one after that. And why not! These aren’t real movies anyway!

Marc Fiore, executive producer of the upcoming Gotti: Three Generations (told Radar): “I want Lindsay to be in Gotti and another movie that I’m producing. She’s a great, great actress.”
Fiore brushed off Lohan’s habit to let trouble find her, saying: “She’s been very professional with me. People make mistakes. Look at so many other people in Hollywood.”

If Lindsay was really so great she would have been hired by now. I don’t think this is a real movie though. The producer has never produced anything. The writer has never written anything. There’s no director. They say Joe Pesci is in it, and maybe he is, I don’t know, but I do know he’s made 2 movies in the past 13 years. Seems hard to believe this will be number 3.

So why not, why not give Lindsay a two-picture deal? This is all imaginary, so whatever man. It’s not like someone is gonna arrest you. Say Pesci is in it. He’s great. People will see he came out of retirement for this and be like, oh hey neat. Fuck it, Gene Hackman and Sean Connery are in it too. That’s how amazing this movie is. It’s got the greatest cast never assembled.

Bridget Marquardt is a bikini model

By brendon April 19, 2011 @ 5:39 PM

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Playboy and Girls Next Door star Bridget Marquardt posed for a new bikini photo shoot in Marina del Rey today, and she doesn’t look that great or anything but I still like these because they were taken at the Ritz Carlton and I used to work there (way too many details about that in the Britney bikini posts here and here and here). One time Cameron Diaz was there for some press thing and an area was blocked off and there was a rope with a red flag in the middle and she asked me if that meant she wasn’t supposed to go this way, and I told her no it means this way is romantic. Cameron Diaz is an idiot, in case you didn’t know.

(image source = splash news)

Vanessa Hudgens was licking simple white chocolate

By brendon April 19, 2011 @ 5:35 PM

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Look, if you’re an agent or a manager or whatever, and there’s a rumor that your Disney star client did molly all weekend, I really don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to put a little effort into your bullshit excuse.

Vanessa Hudgens was snapped relaxing on the grass at Coachella, where at one point she reached into a little bag and then leaned forward to lick a white substance off her fingers.
Busted?
Hardly.
Hudgens’ rep assures E! News that the gooey substance was just white chocolate.

No one likes picturing Vanessa Hudgens licking a sticky white mess off her fingers and then swallowing it more than me, but holy shit this is stupid. She was going outside in 90 degree heat for the next 12 hours, with no cooler, so she put white chocolate in a ziploc bag and put it in her purse? Yeah that makes sense. It was her desert, in her purse right next to the milk and raw chicken breast.

(image source = pacific coast)

Charlie Sheen lost big in court today

By brendon April 19, 2011 @ 4:25 PM

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It might seem weird for a judge in a custody case to decide that a mother who is in drug rehab because she relapsed last week is still a fit parent, but in this case the father is Charlie Sheen. And he came to court with a prostitute. “Fit parent” is a relative term. Radar says…

Sheen lost his fight against his estranged wife Brooke Mueller for full custody of their two-year-old twin sons, Max and Bob.
According to a source, a judge in Los Angeles presiding over a closed door hearing just allowed Mueller to maintain primary legal and physical custody despite a well-publicized relapse in her crack cocaine addiction.
(While) Mueller undergoes drug treatment at an undisclosed rehab facility, her mother will provide primary care for the boys.

Obviously the real victim in this case is me and you. We’re the ones who are gonna get run over by those bastard kids in 15 years. Not only should they be taken away from both of these dipshits immediately, they should be whacked in the head until they forget where they came from and then given a blood transfusion with blood from Drew Brees or someone good like that.

Robert Pattinson is nice, has cool stories about clowns dying

By brendon April 19, 2011 @ 9:57 AM

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Every now and then it’s nice to hear about an actor who isn’t completely insane, or even more shocking; grateful. Especially one who became hugely famous seemingly overnight. That’s why it’s so hard to dislike Robert Pattinson, even though his movies practically demand it. Page Six says…

Robert Pattinson knows how to work a crowd.
The “Twilight” hunk showed up an hour before the premiere of “Water for Elephants” to schmooze with fans Sunday night.
His driver dropped him at the top of the block so he could stroll along West 54th Street and sign autographs.

Maybe he’s so nice because he knows how fickle fate can be. And what better way to learn that than by watching a clown burn to death. On the Today show yesterday he explained why, even though his new movie is about the circus, he’s only been once and has no desire to go back.

“The first time I went to a circus, somebody died. One of the clowns died.”
“His little car exploded. The joke car exploded on him. Everybody ran out. It was terrifying.”

At least the clown died doing what he loved; seeing someone throw a bucket towards him that was actually filled with confetti and spraying him with seltzer water. What a way to go!

(image source = inf daily and wenn)

Tuesday morning headlines

By brendon April 19, 2011 @ 12:10 AM

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JJ ABRAMS – has a new top secret movie project at Paramount, called Zanbato for now, with Japanese history and robotics as the major themes. One source described it as, “Swashbuckling robots with swords.” Cool. So how long until someone points out that robots are made of sword-proof metal. (deadline)

KANYE WEST – closed out Coachella Sunday night, and “delivered a grandiose, theatrical performance destined to be remembered as one of the greatest hip-hop sets of all time.” And safest. (thr and lat)

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN – visited the final 7 contestants on American Idol Friday, though it’s not clear if he’ll be on air as a mentor. Too bad Pia Toscano isn’t still there. Just imagine the stirring conversation they could have had about Jersey. (e!)

FERGIE – was stopped by the TSA at LAX (again) this weekend. “Why is this old guy carrying a purse”, they asked as Fergie approached. “Somethings not right here.” (daily mail and splash news)

Lindsay Lohan wants to skip court to observe Good Friday

By brendon April 18, 2011 @ 5:08 PM

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I want to preface this by mentioning that the picture above, of Lindsay Lohan at Coachella, was taken yesterday. On Palm Sunday. Okay here we go…

(Lindsay Lohan will) ask the judge to cancel this Friday’s hearing because it’s Good Friday, a Christian holiday that marks the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
The postponement request was discussed last week during the meeting between Lindsay’s (attonrey, the DA, and the judge). 
While all involved agreed in principle, it’s not a done deal.
“The DA wants Lindsay’s lawyer to formally file the motion to continue the preliminary hearing,” the source said.
Lohan would still appear in court on Friday but just to hear Sautner formally rule on the motion. If a new date is set, it’s likely to be sometime next month. 

So Lindsay would still have to appear in court, she just won’t have her hearing. She’ll buy herself another month on that. Because she’s claiming to be religious. And for some reason the judge has to play along with this bullshit.

The only way this would be even remotely satisfying is if the judge answered Lindsays smart ass request by having a crown of thorns nailed into her head all day.