Joe Jackson is devastated

By brendon June 29, 2009 @ 6:06 PM

Was2430933

Michaels father Joe Jackson held a press conference with the Rev. Al Sharpton today, and it was every bit the understated and dignified affair as that made it sound. Is that a giant purple gorilla behind them? You know it brother. Fox News says…

“After plugging his record company, Michael Jackson’s father Joe said in a press conference outside his home Monday that the family was planning a large public funeral for the deceased singer.
Joe Jackson says planning for a funeral will await a finding (from a) second autopsy to be conducted on the King of Pop’s body, which they said is already underway.
But Joe Jackson says the funeral will not be closed to the public, as his son would likely have wanted a similar type of service.”

Yeah, when I think about Michael Jackson over the past 20 years, that’s what I picture.  Always out in public, in the middle of big crowds, happy as can be.  He’d also want to charge those people to get in to the funeral.  And he’d be really honored if you were to buy an I Was There t-shirt.  And he would want the concession stand to have a sense of humor, so a small hot dog would be called a “Kids Wiener”, and the “price you have to pay” is 8 million dollars each.  But a large hot dog is $4.50, so it’s just a joke.  You can still get a hot dog at the funeral.

Amy Adams is better like this

By brendon June 29, 2009 @ 3:20 PM

99naomi_millbank_red_002

Amy Adams was the only recognizable name to show up in a bikini this weekend, and you may be wondering if she’s been hiding some amazing hot body all this time. Let me put it this way: No. See for yourself here and here. She can be cute sometimes, but in the wrong dress she’s like something you’d see haunting an Irish castle.

Thankfully someone reminded me about these Naomi Millbank Smith pictures.  Amys pictures had zero percent tits and pigment.  Naomis have about 400 percent.  She’s not really famous yet, but she’s filming her second movie now so maybe she will be soon.  Hopefully she will, because I’m sick of everyone we have now and I could get used to Naomis awesome chest.  I could post a new picture every day and never get bored.  Hell I could draw a new picture every day and never get bored.

7.1.09 UPDATE – amy adams pictures removed by request.

(26 more pics here. hq jump here)

You stay classy OK! magazine

By brendon June 29, 2009 @ 12:37 PM

lastpictures

The English version of OK! magazine hits today with what they say are the last pictures of Michael Jackson. At first that makes you feel dirty, but then you see they wrote “with all our love and prayers”, in all caps, next to the picture of him dead. I thought that was really touching.

Over here in the colonies, Star magazine says Liza Minnelli is hinting that major revelations about Jackson will come out over the next few days. Try and guess if they’re good.

“Liza was so close to Michael Jackson that he was in her bridal party (for her 2002 wedding to David Gest) and now she hints that there’s inside information about the singer that is going to get out when his autopsy results are released.
‘All those who knew him well really know what he was like, and I’m sure that now the accolades are going and I’m sure when the autopsy comes, all hell’s going to break loose,’ Liza said cryptically. ‘So thank God we’re celebrating him now.’”

She didn’t elaborate further, but I think we can guess. That’s right. Michael Jackson had heat-ray vision and the power of flight.

112 pounds, bald, and disfigured

By brendon June 29, 2009 @ 11:54 AM

FILE PHOTOS: Michael Jackson Passes Away (1958-2009)

The Sun has somehow gotten a copy of the coroners initial report after his examination of Michael Jackson on Friday, and the results are shocking.  Wait, no.  No actually this sounds about right.  The Sun says…

“…the singer was a virtual skeleton — barely eating and with only pills in his stomach at the time he died.
His hips, thighs and shoulders were riddled with needle wounds — believed to be the result of injections of narcotic painkillers, given three times a day for years.
The examination showed the 5ft 10in star (was) a “severely emaciated” 8st 1oz (112 pounds).
He’d lost virtually all his hair … was wearing a wig when he died and pathologists said little more than ‘peach fuzz’ covered his scalp.
A scarred section of skin above his left ear was entirely bald — apparently the result of a 1984 accident when his hair caught fire as he filmed an ad for Pepsi.
The autopsy also found unexplained BRUISING on Jackson’s knees and on the fronts of both shins. And there were CUTS on his back, indicating a recent fall.
The King of Pop’s once handsome face bore a network of plastic surgery scars, while the bridge to his nose had vanished and its right side had partially collapsed.”

This isn’t surprising.  Michael was always trying new styles.  The glove, the jacket with all the zippers, the military look. You watch, in three months everyone is gonna be emaciated and bald and disfigured.

DUBIOUS UPDATE - now TMZ says the Suns report is “fabricated and completely false.”  Perhaps TMZ hasn’t seen that banner picture.

Kendra got married

By brendon June 29, 2009 @ 7:00 AM

99spl110066_006

Kendra Wilkinson married Philadelphia Eagle wide-receiver Hank Baskett this weekend at the Playboy Mansion in LA, and even though these aren’t official wedding photos, they really came out beautifully. Especially this one. I can’t explain why that one is so special, but you could say the same about falling in love, couldn’t you?

(17 more pics here. hq jump here. source = flynet, splash news online)

Look at me, everyone!

By brendon June 29, 2009 @ 4:16 AM

99spl109989_002

Her birthday isn’t until Thursday, but Lindsay is dumb as a rock so she held a party for herself this weekend in Vegas at Wet Republic inside the MGM.

Her career of course has hit the wall harder than Princess Di, so it was a good idea to have a party at a place where there were already 2000 people. It was this or the airport.  Only like three of them were there for Lindsay.  She changed outfits 5 times, perhaps to give the appearance of 5 different guests. She also wore some ridiculous blue contacts that looked like she got them at a Halloween store.

None of that worked of course, because she’s not even remotely sexy enough to stand out at Wet. Hotter ass was everywhere (1,2), even her sister. A pool in Vegas was a terrible idea. A senior center or the Special Olympics would have been smarter.

Flynet said, “She sipped Red Bull and vodka and entertained others by doing a Michael Jackson tribute dance.” Yeah, is that how it went? She “entertained” them? I’m willing to bet the people who sat through it would tell a different story. Or at least they will if they know what’s good for them. The slightest bit of encouragement and next time she’ll do more impressions, a piano recital and 10 minutes of stand-up.

(38 more pics here. hq jump here. source = getty, flynet, splash news online.)

Victims should not be mocked

By brendon June 28, 2009 @ 2:59 PM

oanda

I suppose it’s possible that Megan Fox will let you bang her in the ass before midnight tonight, but short of that the most awesome thing that will happen to you all day is when you hear Opie and Anthony (official site here) and the great Patrice O’Neal listen to a now very famous youtube video.

This has astoundingly NSFW language, so keep that in mind if co-workers would object to the sounds of anal rape and then you pounding your desk in uncontrolled spasms of laughter.

Morning headlines

By brendon June 28, 2009 @ 8:00 AM

31983PCN_Isla

JANET JACKSON – made an appearance at last nights BET Awards as part of the celebration of Michael Jacksons life. When she was done, Ne-Yo and Jamie Foxx “performed a somber version of the Jackson 5 classic ‘I’ll Be There’”.  And when they were done, all the white people said, “Who the hell was that?” (source = the ap)

BILLY MAYS – the Oxi-Clean guy who yells at everyone until you buy his stuff was found dead in his home Sunday morning. He was only 50, and no cause is known, but the night before his US Air flight blew a tire while landing and something fell and hit his head. So did that kill him, did US Air murder Billy Mays? Uhh, yeah sure why not. (source = la times)

ISLA FISHER – there were more pictures of Isla but I didn’t look at those because I didn’t want to find out that these were just a good angle and her rack isn’t really that awesome. I’m happier not knowing sometimes. (source = pacific coast)