Monday morning headlines

By brendon March 07, 2011 @ 12:43 PM

Joey Tierney, Audrina Patridge

CHRIS BROWN – took a naked picture of himself in a mirror, and it leaked over the weekend. I’m sure this video scan of the picture reaches the bottom of his penis at some point. Let me know how it turns out. (media take out)

RANGO – won the weekend box office with $38 million, easily beating the Adjustment Bureau which was second with $20.9M. When Matt Damon heard about this, he took a knife and ran the blade over the palm of his hand, made a fist and squeezed the blood through his fingers and vowed to get his revenge on Johnny Depp, so stay tuned. (deadline)

AUDRINA PATRIDGE – filmed her new show in Palm beach, Florida, and I would skip these if I were you because she looked terrible. Her only appeal was her big tits and they look way smaller now, and my interest in her is directly proportionate to her breast size. (splash and inf daily)

Gisele Bundchen is in a bikini

By brendon March 07, 2011 @ 10:29 AM

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Gisele Bundchen was back home in Rio this weekend for Carnival, dancing on one of the floats while her husband Tom Brady watched from the crowd. Then when he wasn’t around she pranced around in a bikini. Needless to say Patriots fans weren’t happy. “If Tommy’s nawt around, that big nosed spic whor shaud keep her fahckin clothes on. And who’s this fahckin guy? Get back in your room numb nuts before Tommy throws you a fahckin beatin like a dahkie who wandered into Southie. This is why we havent won a gawd damn playoff game in four yea’s, caws that wetback whor is takin Tommy away from the game.”

(image source = splash news and inf and pacific coast)

Charlie Sheen is creeping out young girls on twitter

By brendon March 04, 2011 @ 7:14 PM

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Charlie Sheen only joined twitter on Tuesday, but it didn’t take long for him to realize it’s potential to score strange pussy. And then two seconds later he took that concept and made it creepy as hell by adding Modern Family star Sarah Hyland as one of the 17 people he followed. People says…

Sheen may have skyrocketed to a million Twitter followers in record time, but when it comes to the select few he’s chosen to follow himself, not everyone is honored. ?
Sarah Hyland expressed her disgust when Sheen decided to add her to the tiny group of people whose Tweets he wants to read.

She’s taken it down since, but yesterday on her twitter she said…??

“FYI, I’ve never met @charliesheen in my LIFE, and he’s following me now? Really creeped out. Ew. #notwinning.”

Granted Hyland is 20, but she doesn’t look 20. She looks like a little kid. On their date Charlie could explain how Dick Cheney orchestrated 9/11 and Sarah could explain how she drew a picture of a tree and in the tree there’s a kitty and the kitty has a bow on it and the bow is red and the kittys name is Tiger because he has stripes like a tiger.

Courteney Cox should go get that other bikini

By brendon March 04, 2011 @ 7:10 PM

EXCLUSIVE: Courteney Cox Relaxing On Her Break From Filming 'Cou

Courteney Cox is still in Oahu filming Cougar Town, and she’s still in a bikini and she still looks great, but if I were the producer of that show I’d make her go get the other bikini. It made her tits look twice as big. Does she think she can just go from a D to a C and get away with it? Are you high, I swear to God I’ll fire you!

(image source = flynet exclusives)

Charlie Sheens daughter looks pretty happy

By brendon March 04, 2011 @ 5:27 PM

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Most people, including Charlie Sheen no doubt, don’t realize that Charlie Sheen has a daughter named Cassandra Sheen, but X17 Online does, and they caught up with her today in Calabasas. Charlie had her when he was 19 with a girl from his high school named Paula Profit, and yes she is older than her dads two girlfriends. Cassandra is 26, while Rachel Oberlin (better known as porn star Bree Olson) and Natalie Kenly are both 24.

So even though Charlie barely knows Cassandra, maybe she could be friends with his girlfriends. And the next time one of them is locked in a closet with a black eye, they could whisper on the phone for Cassandra to please come save them.

Kirstie Alley is practicing for Dancing With The Stars

By brendon March 04, 2011 @ 3:24 PM

Kirstie Alley

Kirstie Alley, who is 4000 years old, put on a food-stain-hiding outfit and got to work yesterday practicing for this seasons Dancing With The Stars.

For the record, we shouldn’t make fun of her because she’s fat, but because she spent all last year on her twitter tricking people into buying diet pills made by a company secretly owned by scientology and now still weighs more than the car she’s getting into. I’m amazed it didn’t just go around in circles when they started it because the tires on her side had broken through the concrete.

Her partner, who could have gotten paired up with Kendra Wilkinson or Petra Nemcova, has his work cut out for him. Step one will be to find a way for Kirstie to do the steps without literally dying. Not the dance steps, but the two stairs outside the studio.

Mike Meyers secretly married his girlfriend. Wait, “girl”?

By brendon March 04, 2011 @ 1:33 PM

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Mike Meyers (seen here doing a cutesy little thing with his leg while kissing an unidentified man. A man who might be considered a “bear” in certain circles, who then mounts Meyers from behind) has been the subject of many gay rumors over the years.

Many many many many gay rumors. And with good reason.

Meyers and Kal Penn are probably the two biggest stars who are gay (allegedly) but that no one really talks about. In 2008 Gawker even said Meyers “has been out and proud in Toronto for years” after a blind item in the New York Daily News seemingly referred to him.

Very obviously this Page Six story is surprising to say the least.

Mike Myers has secretly married his longtime girlfriend, Kelly Tisdale, in a private ceremony five months ago.
Meyers, 47, and the 30-something Tisdale began dating in 2006, shortly after Myers split from his first wife, comedy writer and actress Robin Ruzan, after a 12-year marriage.

This still seems weird. Mike Meyers is flaming. Even guys at Pride Week would tell him to butch it up a little. If Kelly Tisdale is a girl, I want to see her vagina, and if it’s there I want to see how much scarring it has around it.

Lindsay Lohan is probably going to jail for 18 days

By brendon March 04, 2011 @ 12:39 PM

EXCLUSIVE: Lindsay Lohan Leaving The London West Hollywood Hotel

Lindsay Lohan was accused of stealing a necklace from a jewelry store on February 2nd, and ever since she’s leaked stories to anyone who would print them that she was innocent, that the store loaned it to her and was now making up these crazy lies to get publicity.

Unfortunately for Lindsay that’s not true, she stole that shit and it’s all on camera. And now faced with lots of jail time after a trial or less jail time with a plea bargain, she’s going with the plea bargain. TMZ says…

(Lindsays attorney) Shawn Holley has been speaking with Dannette Meyers (the DA) about a plea but Meyers won’t budge on six months in jail.
Holley and Meyers will go to court next week and meet with Judge Keith Schwartz in his chambers (to ask) what sentence he’d hand down if Lindsay pleads guilty or no contest. 
Sources (say) he would probably go for a three-month sentence.
Meyers and Holley believe Lindsay will only do 20% of the actual sentence because of overcrowding.  So, if Judge Schwartz gave 3 months, she’d only serve 18 days.

And this will be state prison, not county jail, which, if you’re famous, is less of a jail and more like a free hostel with a photobooth. State would be much rougher. I’m not saying I hope Lindsay goes in there and gets beaten up, but I’m very definitely not not saying that either.

(lindsay hasn’t been out much lately, but she was over at the london west hollywood hotel 3 days ago in a dress that looks like it comes off very very easily. im sure thats coincidence. image source = flynet)