Jessica Alba forgot something

By brendon August 27, 2010 @ 11:54 AM

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Jessica Alba had a rooftop photo shoot in LA yesterday, and when she stood near the edge you could kind of see up her dress. But not enough to see anything great. It was pretty disappointing. In fact, considering what was at stake, I don’t think it’s unmanly to admit that I cried for over an hour.

(image source = fame)

Britney might be getting married again

By brendon August 27, 2010 @ 10:55 AM

Semi-Exclusive: Britney and Jason Visit Church at Maui Hotel

Britney Spears is still in a bikini at a fancy resort on Maui with her boyfriend Jason Trawick, whom she’s dated since March of ’09, and yesterday they spent some time at a church there. Was this related in any way to the cover story for this weeks OK magazine, which says that Brit and her little sister Jamie Lynn are planning a double wedding?

Probably not, no. Britney is too proud to make a mistake like that again. Just look at her. So wise, so regal. It’s like watching an eagle.

(image source = splash news and flynet)

like nothing ever happened, part 3

By brendon August 27, 2010 @ 8:35 AM

44042PCN_Lilo

And after her meetings in Santa Monica, I guess Lindsay changed clothes and went to the gas station. And, umm… holy shit. I can’t even remember why I was mad at her. Something wonderful happens whenever she puts on a tight shirt that shows off her huge tits, she just comes alive. It’s like when a snowman puts on his magic hat.

(image source = pacific coast)

like nothing ever happened, part 2

By brendon August 27, 2010 @ 8:30 AM

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Lindsay Lohan had some meeting in Santa Monica yesterday, and granted she looked kind of awesome, but showing off her big tits and making my penis flush with blood was never her problem. She was always tremendously good at that. Where the hell did she even find a shirt so thin? Is there a website where you can download and print shirts or something?

(image source = pacific coast and fame)

Thursday afternoon headlines

By brendon August 26, 2010 @ 6:27 PM

43970PCN_Monk

JON MAYER – went on tumblr and said the Huffington Post is “full of shit”, in a 463 word response to a 150 word story that implied he might be back together with Jennifer Aniston. Maybe he overreacted, but let’s see someone blab that you’re dating that fug bitch and see how you like it. (tumblr, huff post)

JEREMY RENNER – has won the lead opposite Tom Cruise in ‘Mission: Impossible 4′, directed by Brad Bird, which will begin production in the fall and film in the U.S., Vancouver, Prague and Dubai. Cruise is expected to star in ‘M:I 5′ as well, but after that the franchise may be handed over to Renner. Actually you can bank on it, because if there’s one thing Hollywood is good at, it’s making long range plans and sticking to it. (deadline)

MATT DAMON – was back today filming scenes for the new season of ’30 Rock’ (which finally got good last year) and Sherri Shepherd posted a picture of them with Tracy Morgan. Damon plays a pilot who dates Tina Fey, while Shepherd plays the last thing a pound of bacon ever sees. (twitpic)

SOPHIE MONK – is in Hawaii in a bikini, which is more than enough to make the page on a day this incredibly slow. Seriously did you see that Matt Damon story? WTF was that all about? (pacific coast)

this is Hollywoods Most Amazing Body

By brendon August 26, 2010 @ 4:30 PM

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Jennifer Love Hewitt was on the cover of People this summer for their issue about the best bodies in Hollywood. She went from fat to fabulous and now her body is amazing (their words, not mine).

And yet every picture had her hiding behind something. Whenever she’s in a magazine, it’s like she was on a walk in the woods and a stranger started chasing her. She’s always peering out from behind something.

Well this is why. In reality she’s a complete mess, as you can see in these pictures taken today in Toluca Lake. Which would be fine except she wants credit for telling women to love their body while constantly lying about her own. Her ass is so big you could hit it with a paddle and it would take over a minute before her brain got the message and she said, “Ow.”

Mariah Carey admits she’s pregnant. Sort of.

By brendon August 26, 2010 @ 2:10 PM

mariah carey performing 230810

Way back on June 2nd, the rumors began that Mariah Carey was pregnant, but she never said anything about it, and then it all sort of died down. Until this weekend that is, during a concert in Brazil (pictured above), when she looked slightly fatter than normal and the rumors kicked up all over again.

Her husband Nick Cannon refuses to address it on his radio show, because that would be something interesting to talk about, and believe me when I tell you that he has no fucking idea how to identify something like that.

Luckily Mariah went on her website yesterday and confirmed everything, though in the most cryptic way imaginable.

“I appreciate everyone’s well wishes. But I am very superstitious. When the time is right, everyone will know.”

“I am very superstitious”? WTF does that even mean? God it’s like dealing with primitive man. For the babies sake I hope Mariah doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night and see a flock of crows outside her bedroom window. She might think the baby is gonna be evil and start punching her stomach to kill it.

like nothing ever happened

By brendon August 26, 2010 @ 1:10 PM

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Lindsay Lohan had two DUI’s, was given probation which she didn’t complete and 90 days in jail which she didn’t serve, but she’s famous so last night she was at Chateau Marmont until 1am, then she hopped behind the wheel and headed off into the night. So if you live in LA, from now on you have to live like Will Smith in ‘I Am Legend’. Set an alarm and never be out after the sun goes down, or else danger and death lurk around every corner.

(image source = pacific coast news)