this cost NBC $25,000 per second

By brendon January 25, 2010 @ 5:07 PM


While most of the bits about Conan spending millions on new characters in his final days as ‘Tonight Show’ host were just a joke, one thing that was very real was the tab he was running up by playing famous songs as the intro music for guests. Those songs really do have incredibly high royalty fees and NBC really does have to pay them. First it was the Rolling Stones “Satisfaction” for Adam Sandler, then on Friday…

When Tom Hanks entered from behind a curtain to go to his seat, the band played The Beatles “Lovely Rita,” which costs NBC half a million dollars.
Questlove, who is the drummer for The Roots on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon,” almost instantly tweeted, “yo i hate spoiling but i will have you know that walk on song we just heard was half a milli. i know cause i got the list rate at nbc and tom’s walkon music on conan is on my “restricted” list—wow a $500,000 walkon song lol.”

This is why when I do talk shows I come out to ‘Ava Maria’. It’s in the public domain so no one has to pay any royalties. Also I think it would be nice if more people thought I was a messenger from God.

(watch toms full appearance here)

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karina smirnoff is having fun

By brendon January 25, 2010 @ 3:36 PM

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‘Dancing With The Stars’ um, dancing … uh star Karina Smirnoff was on the Turks and Caicos islands this weekend with her boyfriend, Brad Penny, who is a pitcher for the St Louis Cardinals. That must be why he brought his ball and glove, and made her throw some on the beach in her bikini. Smooth bro. Smooth. Girls love that kind of thing, especially on vacation. You should take this time to show her how to throw a breaking ball, and don’t be shy about criticizing her if she’s not doing it right. She’ll appreciate your honesty. If she can’t get the hang of it, try asking if she’s stupid, maybe that was the problem.

(source = pacific coast news)

the innocent looking ones are always sneaky

By brendon January 25, 2010 @ 3:07 PM

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Elin Nordegren hasn’t made any public statements since her husband Tiger Woods crashed his car into a tree Thanksgiving weekend, so we may never know exactly what happened that night. We may never know exactly how she discovered he was having an affair and what she did when she learned the truth.

Or we’ll found out right now, starting with the very next sentence.

(On the night the National Enquirer broke the story of Tigers affair with Rachel Uchitel), the two argued. Tiger decided to end the bickering by taking Ambien and going to sleep.
After Woods fell asleep, Elin looked through his cellphone, both sources confirmed. There she found text messages to Uchitel’s number—Uchitel was apparently listed in Tiger’s cellphone under her real name—and among them she discovered one that said, “You are the only one I’ve loved.” 
Shortly after 1 a.m. in Florida, Elin began texting Uchitel, pretending to be Tiger, according to both sources. Elin wrote, “I miss you,” and asked, “When are we seeing each other again?” 
Uchitel texted back, seemingly surprised that Woods was awake. Elin specifically felt, one source told me, that this response indicated that the two of them spoke earlier that night, before Tiger took his Ambien. At that point, Elin called Uchitel, who answered thinking it was Tiger calling. Both sources said that Elin said something approximating, “I knew it was you.”
Uchitel’s surprised reply, according to what Elin told one source: “Oh f–k.” She immediately hung up.
Normally quiet and controlled, Elin later told one source she became enraged and woke Tiger by screaming at him. He seemed disoriented, still in a stupor from the Ambien. The fight ratcheted up quickly.
But then chaos ensued when she grabbed his cellphone when he came out after locking himself in the bathroom for several minutes. Both sources confirm that Tiger had apparently, shortly after waking up, sent another short text to Uchitel warning that Elin had uncovered the affair, that he was about to pack, and that a divorce might be imminent. 
Elin didn’t tell Woods what she’d seen, one source says. She simply exploded, trying to hit him on the chest and arms with her fists, and then finally chasing him from the house while she wielded a golf club. Shoeless, he ran into the car and barreled out of the driveway before careening off a fire hydrant and then smashing into a tree.

It’s simply fantastic to picture Elin with a golf club and Tiger getting chased around the house like when Tom would chase Jerry with a fireplace shovel. Especially since he was high on Ambien. He probably had no idea WTF was going on. The only way it could be any better is if she was chasing him, just a step behind, smashing mirrors and vases while flailing away with the golf club but wearing a werewolf or devil mask or something like that. That would be freaky under any circumstances, but in an Ambien haze you would think someone was trying to skin and eat you.

monday morning headlines

By brendon January 25, 2010 @ 11:22 AM

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THE HURT LOCKER - was (rightfully) named the best picture of the year by the Producers Guild of America this weekend, giving it some momentum heading toward the Academy Awards. Unfortunately it’s only made $12M so far. They should have called it “The Hurt Romantic Vampire”. (variety)

AVATAR - will become the highest grossing movie ever later today after it finished the weekend with a box office total of $1.841 billion, just shy of ‘Titanic’ and its 1.843. Analysts are surprised because ‘Avatar’ has done all this is less than 2 months, and also because the movie is kind of fuckin stupid. (hollywood reporter)

TIGER WOODS - was finally visited by his wife at his sex rehab in Mississippi. In fact she spent 5 days there and is participating in his therapy. When asked for a comment, someone more miserable than Tiger didn’t say anything, because they don’t exist. (radar)

HOPE FOR HAITI NOW - raised $57M Friday night with the big Hollywood telethon. You just know Haiti is gonna spend all that on weed. (us.com)

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO – was in St. Barths this weekend for Victorias Secret. I heard that when you have sex with her, when you pull out your penis shines like the sun because her vagina coated it with a layer of gold. True story! (source = splash news online)

angelina is tearing her family apart (not literally)

By brendon January 25, 2010 @ 10:23 AM

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Early last week, InTouch magazine claimed Angelina Jolie cheated on Brad Pitt with her dialect coach for the movie ‘Salt’ (which he adamantly denied). A few days later, Us magazine said they were on the verge of a break-up because she hates New Orleans, home of the NFC champion New Orleans Saints. Then over the weekend, a British tabloid claimed Jolie and Pitt were already separated and had even signed paperwork dividing their assets. I can’t tell if you’re getting the point to this post yet, so here’s another example.

BRAD PITT’s brother begged the Hollywood star to leave ANGELINA JOLIE because their family was being torn apart, The Sun can reveal.
The couple have been putting on a united front but a source said: “It’s no secret they have been in a pretty loveless relationship for about a year.
“They barely spend time together and when they do it is very fraught. They want different things from life.
She wants a baby from Syria and now Haiti while he thinks the six kids they have are more than enough.

They looked happy enough on January 6th in New York, but whatever. Syria and Haiti? Jesus Christ can’t she adopt just one kid where she doesn’t need a treasure map to go find it? Where she just fills out some paperwork, in English, in ink and not blood, where she doesn’t have to fight an RV-sized spider or decipher some dusty old book to defeat the “Mummys Kiss”.

i better not get noah wylie

By brendon January 22, 2010 @ 6:29 PM

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Speaking of Haiti and the telethon, the list of Hollywood stars who will be manning the phones is now out (highlights below, full list under the cut). What a sexy telethon this is gonna be.

Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Alec Baldwin, Gerard Butler, Sacha Baron Cohen, Bradley Cooper, Daniel Craig, Cindy Crawford, Penelope Cruz, Michael Clarke Duncan, Zac Efron, Colin Farrell, Mel Gibson, Selena Gomez, Neil Patrick Harris, Vanessa Hudgens, Dwayne Johnson, Daniel Day Lewis, Ewan McGregor, Toby Maguire, Jack Nicholson, Zoe Saldana (pictured), Adam Sandler, Nicole Scherzinger, Steven Spielberg, Charlize Theron, Sofia Vergara, Mark Wahlberg, Olivia Wilde, Reese Witherspoon

They should put up each celebrities number because I’m not giving shit to Billy Crystal. If anything I’d just call him a dick and hang up. That’s not gonna help Haiti. And Noah Wylie is probably just there to collect credit card numbers. I wasn’t born yesterday. I want Vanessa Hudgens, to see if she’d flash her bra to the camera for a thousand dollar donation. Look Vanessa, do you want to help these people or not?

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leonardo gave $1M to haiti

By brendon January 22, 2010 @ 5:44 PM

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Leonardo DiCaprio (picture not found) will be on hand to help raise money for tonight’s Hope for Haiti Now telethon, and even though it won’t begin until 8pm on the east coast, it’s working already. They just made another million. MTV says…

Leonardo DiCaprio has donated $1 million to the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund. The actor, who will be on hand Friday night (January 22) for MTV’s “Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief” telethon, is the latest Hollywood A-lister to donate a large amount to help Haiti’s recovery after last Tuesday’s 7.0 earthquake.
George Clooney has given $1 million to relief for victims, as have Sandra Bullock and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Gisele Bundchen donated $1.5 million to the cause, and Madonna, who will perform in New York for the telethon, said she’s donated $250,000.

According to a list on Forbes from 2007, Gisele is worth 70M, Bullock is worth 85M, and Madonna is worth 325M. They also say Madonna made another 120 last year. So she’s worth 5 times what Giselle is, yet gave 5 times less. In other words, the young sexy girl was generous and kind while the mean old lady was miserly and cruel. I knew it. This is why I don’t trust people who are unattractive.

(the internet didn’t have any leonardo dicaprio pictures, and the closest i could find were pictures of his girlfriend in a bikini)

angelina hates new orleans

By brendon January 22, 2010 @ 4:43 PM

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Brad Pitt was at the Saints game last Sunday to preemptively celebrate their victory over the Vikings in 2 days, and he brought Maddox to hang out with Spike Lee and Reggie Bush. Angelina didn’t make the game because she was busy. Busy screaming about how much she hates New Orleans, that is.

(Pitt and Jolie) purchased a home in New Orleans in 2007, but an insider tell Us weekly Jolie “calls it ‘his house.’”
“Brad loves spending time in New Orleans, but Angie doesn’t. They fight because of it…she keeps yelling at him that she hates New Orleans and never wants to go back.”
Friends say Pitt is devoted because it allows him to indulge in his passions for architecture and environmentalism (he established a foundation to build 150 “green” homes in the wake of Hurricane Katrina). If the actor had his way, he’d love settle down in the southern town with Jolie and their six kids.
But Jolie “gets really bored” there, and would prefer staying at Chateau Miraval, their 1000-acre, $70 million estate in Provence, France — and continue traveling the world. Yet Pitt has lost the globetrotting bug. “He’s tired of it!” the source says.

It might not be the fairest contest in the world to compare a $70M estate in France to New Orleans. But if she’s bored, she should visit one of our many housing projects that the city planners refuse to move away from tourist areas like the Garden District and French Quarter. Running for your life is exhilarating, maybe she’ll get a kick out of that.