afternoon headlines

By brendon September 03, 2009 @ 2:49 PM


LINDSAY LOHAN – ‘Life and Style’ points out the remarkable similarities between the women who “robbed” Lindsay and regular Lindsay. It would have been easy enough for her to truly disguise herself, but consider this: Lindsay is an idiot. (life and style)

LADY GAGA – went on The Matt And Jo Radio Show in Australia and because Aussies are cool/drunk, they asked her straight out if she was a hermaphrodite. She didn’t say yes or no, just “the subject is beneath me.” Yes, exactly, so look beneath you to where the subject is and describe what you see you creepy bitch. (hear the audio here)

PLAYBOY – is now offering Lindsay almost 1M to pose for the magazine, but she’s still being coy. This bitch is nuts. Everyone has already seen her naked (here) and she’s crazy if she thinks the offer will go higher. In another year she’ll be lucky to get a photoshoot where guys stand around and pee on her. (the sun)

CURRENT SONG – ‘Get Off’ by the Dandy Warhols. They would be more popular except no one seems to know who they are. I’m pretty savvy about the music industry. (youtube)

NOEMI LETIZIA – this is the 18-year-old who is having an affair with the 72-year old Prime Minister of Italy. Someone with bigger balls than him was unavailable for comment because they don’t exist.  (hq jump)

the venice film festival looks fun

By brendon September 03, 2009 @ 12:04 PM


The 66th Venice Film Festival opened yesterday, and they have a huge lineup this year with premiere screenings of ‘the Informant!’ from Steven Soderbergh and Matt Damon, and ‘Men Who Stare At Goats’ starring George Clooney.

In the formal competition are ‘Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans’ with Nic Cage and Eva Mendes, ‘the Road’ starring Viggo Mortensen (based on the Cormac McCarthy bestseller), Michael Moores new loveletter to himself about capitalism, and ‘Life During Wartime’, Todd Solondz’ sort-of sequel to ‘Happiness’.

More importantly: tits! Thanks to Italian actress Maria Grazia Cucinotta, who has been bending over with her boobs pushed together as if that were a normal pose for two days now. On the red carpet yesterday, and the day before on the beach with some kids. Apparently in Italy 4 is a good age to start being exposed to seductive sexy women with huge tits. I feel cheated.

(14 more pix here. hq jump here. source = getty and splash)

Michael will be buried today. Maybe.

By brendon September 03, 2009 @ 10:37 AM


Michael Jackson died on June 25th, and it may seem odd that his family hasn’t buried him yet, but remember this: the Jacksons are a bunch of fucking retards.

But now, just 71 days after his death, MSNBC says today may be the day.

Michael Jackson’s burial will finally take place at Glendale Forest Lawn Memorial Park on Thursday. He’ll be laid to rest near many of his longtime heroes, such as Walt Disney and Nat King Cole.
Aside from immediate family, expect Jackson family confidants, such as Rev. Al Sharpton, to attend the 4 p.m. PT burial.
As for the ceremony itself, “it won’t be a religious one,” according to the family source. “The kids (Paris, Prince and Blanket) might say something, too, but the plan is to have (Jackson’s brother) Randy deliver the eulogy.”
The family has said it wants this to be a private event; however, sources close to the clan say to expect to see “private” portions surface on the A&E reality show about the Jackson brothers that is currently being taped.

Of course it’s gonna be filmed for a TV show. Why wouldn’t it be.  What’s the point in burying someone if you can’t make any money off it?  They probably had to wait so long to finish a Michael mannequin to go in the coffin, because Joe ground his bones into a powder months ago.  He stirs it up as a drink and sells it to aspiring singers.  If you want Joe to wear a big scary witch doctors mask while you stand in a circle of candles on the spot where Michael died as you drink it, that’s extra.

Nicole Richie is sad or something

By brendon September 03, 2009 @ 9:56 AM


DJ AM was laid to rest yesterday at Hillside Memorial Park in Los Angeles. A small private funeral service was held for close friends and family, with Travis Barker the only celebrity on hand. There was someone I thought was Scott Caan but now I can’t tell. I like to call him “Not Caan”.

I didn’t see any pictures of Nicole Richie, who dated AM for two years and they were even engaged before breaking up in 2006. But just because she wasn’t pictured doesn’t mean she wasn’t there. Wait, no. Actually that’s exactly what it means. That’s what pictures do. They chronicle events and record images during those events. So despite this story in the Enquirer, she can’t be too broken up.

(She) took the news of his death so hard that her pals feared she was going into premature labor … her emotional reaction after he died made Joel wonder if Nicole had been hiding deep feelings for Adam, said a source.
“It ended up in a big fight, with Joel demanding, ‘Were you still in love with him?’
“She broke down, cried uncontrollably and thought that she was having contractions,” said the source. “She was devastated to think that Adam’s life came to such a terrible end after his years struggling to stay sober.”

Or maybe she was crying out of guilt because she did it. We should probably arrest and execute her just in case. If later on we find out she didn’t do it, hey, no harm done. She sucked anyway so who cares.

OCEANS ELEVENY UPDATE – okay so that is Scott Caan.

(4 more pics here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

This seems inappropriate

By brendon September 02, 2009 @ 6:20 PM


Kat Von D did this tattoo of DJ AM for some dude as a tribute and of course the dude who got it put it on twitter because every thing must be twittered and ‘pix or it didn’t happen’. I don’t know how people survived before this. It had to be sheer pandemonium when you could only guess what your girlfriends sister thought of her salad. Back on point, hopefully it’s just the swelling but AM sort of looks like he’s surrounded by flames and his face covered in soot. I think Kat drew the devil, or at the very least AM in hell. Lets hope this guy isn’t doing the eulogy.

What do Beavis and Butthead think?

By brendon September 02, 2009 @ 4:51 PM

The Mike Judge movie ‘Extract’ opens this Friday, and by coincidence Beavis and Butthead have posted a video on youtube to talk about it. What lucky timing!

dj am will be buried today

By brendon September 02, 2009 @ 4:24 PM


Adam Goldstein, better known as DJ AM, died five days ago of course from a drug overdose, and even though it hasn’t yet been decided if it was suicide or an accident, his family will lay him to rest today at 3pm in Los Angeles.

70 days since Michael Jackson died by the way. Still sittin in the fridge. Just hangin out. Awesome, right? E! Online says…

AM will be buried at 3 p.m. at the Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary in West Los Angeles following a private funeral on site.
A friend of the Goldstein family says the service is for “family only.”
AM will be interred in one of the city’s most prominent Jewish cemeteries, near the graves of Jack Benny, Milton Berle and Michael Landon.
Family and celebrity pals are expected to turn out Thursday night for a memorial service at the Hollywood Palladium.

It’s looking more and more like suicide considering Valentines cards and pictures of his ex gf Hayley Wood (pictured below) were found near his body and he had eight oxycontin in his stomach and a ninth in his mouth when he was found (he died before he had time to swallow the last one). So yeah, that seems like suicide. Either that or he was murdered by whoever oxycontin’s chief competitor is.

“dragged his girlfriend around 30ft”

By brendon September 02, 2009 @ 3:11 PM


Chris Brown and Joe Francis must be kicking themselves for not thinking of this move, but Hayden Christensen’s brother Tove (above, left) was arrested this morning for felony assault with a deadly weapon after DRAGGING HIS GIRLFRIEND 30 FEET WITH HIS FUCKING CAR! When asked for a comment, she said, “Ow.”

LAPD responded to a 911 call in Hollywood around 2:30 AM after an argument broke out between the couple. Witnesses told law enforcement that Christensen pushed her to the ground and hopped in his car — but when his GF reached inside to grab her purse, Tove hit the gas and dragged her down the street.
When police arrived, the girlfriend had visible marks on her arm. They later tracked down Tove at his L.A. home and arrested him.
He’s currently being held on $30,000 bail.

Every now and then you see some Worlds Best Boyfriend story and it’s some nerd who rents out a movie theater so they can watch ‘Pretty Woman’ or some queer crap like that, and there’s no way I’m doin all that, but at least I didn’t drag you 30 feet with my car. If we we’re dating, Toves girlfriend can’t help but be impressed by the way I sit motionless on the couch watching pre-season football. You would think I didn’t even know she was there by the way I wasn’t dragging her with my car. “I’m one lucky lady!” she’ll probably say to herself.